All language subtitles for Family Guy S05E12 Airport 07.DVD.NonHi.cc.en.20FOX

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish Download
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,704 ♪ It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,374 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:12,744 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,981 ♪ On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:19,217 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,454 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,267 ♪ All the things that make us 8 00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,958 ♪ Laugh and cry 9 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:30,796 ♪ He's a family guy ♪ 10 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:39,571 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Redneck Comedy Tour 11 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,440 featuring Stink Fleaman. 12 00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:45,511 You know you're a redneck if you come from a rural area and behave as such. 13 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,282 Oh, that dog of mine! 14 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:55,887 WHoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 15 00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:03,828 You tell me how that got in there. 16 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:10,602 He's right. Who knows how that got in there? 17 00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:13,304 Peter, can we please go now? This is excruciating. 18 00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:16,975 Are you kidding, Brian? These men and their redneck lifestyle really speak to me. 19 00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:19,177 This is the greatest show I've seen in years. 20 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,679 Not like the last time I was at a comedy club. 21 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,149 I hear this guy is hilarious. He played Kramer, you know. 22 00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:26,451 Oh, this is gonna be fun. 23 00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:40,199 Peter, what the hell are you doing with a pickup truck? 24 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:43,768 Wait, let me guess, this is because of the Redneck Comedy Festival, isn't it? 25 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,603 "Oh, that dog of mine!" 26 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:48,940 Peter, you can't suddenly decide to be a redneck just because of some show. 27 00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:52,222 Some show? Lois, those men showed me the way to an identity 28 00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,346 I've been searching for my whole life. 29 00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:57,048 I'm gonna do everything a redneck is supposed to do. 30 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,995 This is going to be more painful to watch 31 00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:01,819 than when he ate half a Fudgsicle in one bite. 32 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:03,722 Oh, boy! A Fudgsicle! 33 00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:15,945 Chris, what happened to the couch? 34 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,547 Dad dragged it out on the lawn 35 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,238 because he said, "That's what rednecks do!" 36 00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,376 Hey, Meg, come here. Have a seat. 37 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:29,781 Dad, what are you doing? 38 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,349 Meg, I'm a redneck, 39 00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,719 which means I'm about to do something to you 40 00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:36,287 that you'll not remember until you're 40. 41 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:40,692 Meg, come back here. I meant sex. 42 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:48,433 We now return to Carl Sagan's Cosmos, edited for rednecks. 43 00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:51,803 I'm Carl Sagan. Just how old is our planet? 44 00:02:51,871 --> 00:02:53,617 Scientists believe it's four... 45 00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:56,174 Hundreds and hundreds of years old. 46 00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:59,144 Scientists have determined that the universe was created by... 47 00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:02,547 God. 48 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,728 Big Bang. If you look at the bones of a... 49 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,051 Jesus. 50 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,087 Rex, it's clear by the use of carbon-dating that... 51 00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:12,457 Mountain Dew is the best soda ever made. 52 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,959 Peter, do we have to watch this? 53 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,027 This is what rednecks watch, Brian. 54 00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:22,467 Peter, that's disgusting. Here, spit in this cup instead. 55 00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:26,571 Oh, there's my apple juice. 56 00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,073 Stewie, wait! Don't... 57 00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:29,307 Ugh! Ah! Aah! 58 00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:32,644 Where's my money? You gonna give me my money? 59 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,480 Never mind. 60 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,693 Hey, Brian, check it out. 61 00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:51,407 Peter, you painted over the back window. Isn't that dangerous? 62 00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:52,997 I'm a redneck, Brian. 63 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,066 We like people driving behind us to know what our beliefs are. 64 00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:04,343 Peter, what the hell! My car. 65 00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:07,312 Oh, damn it! Hey, hey, come back. 66 00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,287 Sorry, Quagmire. 67 00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:17,167 How the hell am I supposed to get to the airport? 68 00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:18,790 I got to fly a plane in 20 minutes. 69 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,904 Oh, I can drive you. I got a pickup truck. See? 70 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:21,993 Well, come on! 71 00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,767 Quagmire, I'm so sorry. Don't worry about it. 72 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,468 We can go after them. 73 00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:33,177 Don't worry about it, they're tagged. Just get me to the airport. 74 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,148 All right, thanks a lot, Peter. 75 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:19,550 That's all the motivation I need to actually do this. 76 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:29,427 Did we finish fueling? 77 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,196 Do you see the hose in the plane? 78 00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,631 No. Well, then, I guess we're finished. 79 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:38,737 Thanks, George. You want to say that one more time without the sarcasm? 80 00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:43,441 Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain, Glenn Quagmire. 81 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,355 Uh... We are looking at about a four-and-a-half-hour flight time today. 82 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:47,779 Uh... 83 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,047 We got clear skies, good visibility. 84 00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,484 The temperature in Atlanta is 64 degrees. 85 00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:55,219 Uh... 86 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,700 The flight's going to be a little longer than we have expected. 87 00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:00,458 Uh, we've got some very strong headwinds. Giggity. 88 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,847 Uh, flight attendants, please prepare for take off. 89 00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,594 What the hell? 90 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,871 Oh, my God! We're going down. 91 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,276 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 92 00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:21,012 Secure your own mask first and then assist the child. 93 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,780 But the bag is not inflating. 94 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:26,484 It's all right, even though oxygen is flowing, the bag may not inflate. 95 00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,566 That was too close. 96 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:46,271 Sir, we have a confirmed crash. Flight 37 is down. 97 00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:49,507 We'd better alert the mayor. I'll have to interrupt his photo op. 98 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,913 My Pet Goat, page one. 99 00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,447 "'You know, ' said my pet goat, 100 00:06:56,516 --> 00:07:00,018 "'I'm sure if I watched Grey's Anatomy, I'd like it, 101 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,420 "'but I just don't have the time.'" 102 00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:17,034 "'You should make the time, ' said the farmer." 103 00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:27,078 Our top story. There was drama in the skies of Quahog today, 104 00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:30,849 as a Transnational 767 was forced to make a crash landing. 105 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,885 That's right, Diane. As if the world weren't already scary enough, 106 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,255 it seems you can't even get on a plane safely these days. 107 00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:39,290 Channel Five has the spectacular footage. 108 00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:46,242 Fortunately, no one was injured. 109 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:49,167 However, using state-of-the-art Channel Five computer technology, 110 00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:52,069 we'll show you how disastrous it could have been. 111 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:55,378 Here's how it would have looked if the plane had crashed into a school. 112 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:02,991 Now here's how it would have looked 113 00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:05,350 if the plane had crashed into a school for bunnies. 114 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:13,536 Now here's how it would have looked 115 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,538 if the plane had crashed into a school for bunnies, 116 00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:19,263 but one passenger had survived, gone home and mercilessly beat his wife. 117 00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:31,142 I'm alive! But, boy, am I angry! Someone's gonna have to pay for this. 118 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:40,317 Why? Why? Is this because I overcooked the roast? 119 00:08:40,386 --> 00:08:44,488 Powerful stuff. You would have to be made of stone not to feel saddened by that. 120 00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:47,091 Boy, Quagmire, I'm really sorry they fired you. 121 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,226 I feel like this is partially my fault. 122 00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:52,475 No, Peter, it's perfectly normal to siphon jet fuel from an active runway 123 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,277 with the intention of flying a pickup truck. 124 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:57,468 Look, I know I caused a lot of trouble, but my redneck days are over. 125 00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,038 No more crotch shots of me getting out of a car. 126 00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,954 Well, what are you gonna do now, Quagmire? 127 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,279 Hey, it's all right, I got enough in my savings until I find another job. 128 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:09,480 I'll be fine. 129 00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:20,391 Mom, Dad, there's somebody in my tree house. 130 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:23,339 Yeah, and there's an annoying little homo screaming in my kitchen. 131 00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:25,274 Which one do you think I'm more pissed about? 132 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,633 I'll remind you that I was invited here. 133 00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:30,201 All right, who's up there? 134 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,070 Oh, hey, Peter. Hey, Lois. 135 00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,916 Glenn, what are you doing up there? 136 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:36,340 Oh, I kind of moved in, if that's okay. 137 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:40,344 No airline will hire me after the accident. I'm broke and jobless. 138 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,648 Quagmire, you belong in a tree. You're a nut. 139 00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:49,721 What? 140 00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:56,060 Come on down, Quagmire, you're staying with us. 141 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:59,530 Oh, great. This is going to be worse than the time I lived with Marlee Matlin. 142 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,667 Hi, Stewie. 143 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,680 Oh, come on, Marlee! I know you can't hear them, 144 00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:07,784 but you got to feel those things slapping out of there. 145 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:15,647 Hey, listen, I really want to thank you guys for taking me in, in my time of need. 146 00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:18,961 Oh, forget it, Quagmire. It's the least we could do after what happened. 147 00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,421 Hello? 148 00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:25,067 Oh, you must have the wrong number. 149 00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:28,226 There is no one here by the name of Long Rod von Hugen Dong. 150 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,228 Hey, is... In here, thanks. 151 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,301 Okay, now add 20. Okay. 152 00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,836 Now multiply it by four. Okay. 153 00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,905 And what do you got? 8,008. 154 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,707 And what does 8,008 look like on a calculator? 155 00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:48,212 Oh! "Boob!" Boob! Yeah! 156 00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,226 All right! All right! All right! Boob! 157 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,684 What if we had two calculators and we put them next to each other? 158 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,922 Yes, yes, yes. Find one, yes. 159 00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,872 Didn't mean to wake you. 160 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,814 Peter, you and I need to talk about Quagmire. 161 00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:26,684 He's been living with us for over a month, and I think it's enough now. 162 00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,654 Lois, I'm the whole reason he lost his job and his house. 163 00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:32,356 Besides, I can't throw my best friend out on the street 164 00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:34,065 like a prom night dumpster baby. 165 00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:39,164 Hey, what you doing out here? Don't you want to dance? 166 00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,464 Sure. 167 00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:48,973 ♪ I'm just a prom night dumpster baby 168 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,876 ♪ I got no mom or dad 169 00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,981 ♪ Prom night dumpster baby 170 00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:00,584 ♪ My story isn't long but, boy, it's awfully sad 171 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:04,555 ♪ And though I came from a hole 172 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,536 ♪ And though he came from a hole 173 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,593 ♪ I'm singing right from the soul 174 00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:11,095 ♪ He's singing right from the soul 175 00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:15,133 ♪ My fanny needs a blanket and somebody to spank it 176 00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:17,135 ♪ I miss my mom 177 00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:18,603 ♪ But she's at the prom 178 00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:23,174 ♪ So I'm a prom night dumpster baby 179 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,110 ♪ Prom night dumpster baby 180 00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:29,781 ♪ And I'm taking a stroll 181 00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:31,749 ♪ He's taking a stroll 182 00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:33,518 ♪ I'm taking a stroll 183 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,520 ♪ He's taking a stroll 184 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,689 ♪ I'm taking a stroll 185 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,557 ♪ He's taking a stroll 186 00:12:39,626 --> 00:12:41,793 ♪ I'm taking a stroll 187 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,594 ♪ He's taking a stroll 188 00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:46,131 ♪ I'm taking a stroll ♪ 189 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,170 Besides, Quagmire doesn't even have a job. 190 00:12:52,238 --> 00:12:54,016 Well, you're gonna have to help him find one, 191 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,080 because I've had enough of him living in this house. 192 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,709 You're overreacting, Lois, 193 00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,778 and you can't spell "overreacting" without "ovary." 194 00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:03,514 Because you're a girl. I'm not overreacting. 195 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:07,685 Hey, just an FYI. Really, no reason to go into any greater detail than this. 196 00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:11,288 Stewie should probably never use this pacifier again. 197 00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:14,899 Okay, so I'll talk to him tomorrow? 198 00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:30,108 So how's the job hunt going? 199 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,344 It's awful, Cleveland. Quagmire blew every gig we got him. 200 00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:36,125 Yeah, you did a terrible job as my nurse. 201 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,349 You make your doo-doos, Joe? Shut up. 202 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,784 You make your doo-doos? I said, shut up. 203 00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:42,320 There's no doo-doos today. 204 00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,708 I'm pretty sure I smell doo-doos. 205 00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:46,184 Uh-oh. 206 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:48,459 What's that in there? 207 00:13:48,527 --> 00:13:52,096 Doo-doos! They're stinky! 208 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,601 Quagmire, how would you like to help me commit suicide? 209 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,802 And then I got that job on the Starship Enterprise. 210 00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:04,742 Dude, you gotta introduce me to that black chick. 211 00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:09,280 Guys, the only thing I know how to do is fly a plane. That's what I was born for. 212 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,882 And I'll never be happy unless I can do it again. 213 00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:16,587 Then that's the only answer. Somehow we've gotta get Quagmire his job back. 214 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:19,390 Fellows, I think I have an idea. 215 00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:26,364 Okay, guys, let's go over the plan one more time. 216 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:30,033 Quagmire will pose as an airline passenger on the 6:00 fight to New York. 217 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:33,104 Then, Joe and I will sneak in to the flight attendant's lounge, 218 00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:35,773 while Cleveland distracts the security personnel. 219 00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,210 Once we have the uniforms and credentials, 220 00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:43,614 Cleveland, Joe and I will board the plane posing as flight attendants. 221 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:46,083 Once we are in the air, we drug the pilots, 222 00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:50,054 at which point Quagmire is forced to step in and land the plane safely, 223 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,288 making him a hero. 224 00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:54,592 Everybody clear? 225 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:57,340 Boy, this sounds like more trouble than a moose on the interstate. 226 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:03,635 Hey, can you help me out? 227 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,448 I'm trying to get a couple of bucks for something to eat. 228 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:06,671 What's moose stuff? 229 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,639 Whatever you want it to be. 230 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:12,053 I could have sex with you or I could just stand over there and drink from the lake. 231 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,577 And everything in between. 232 00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:15,146 Get in. 233 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:39,170 All right, I'm gonna go bring the pilots their coffee. 234 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,583 Hang on to something, because this ride's about to get rougher 235 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:44,208 than dating a hot girl with a bad laugh. 236 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:46,243 I really like you, Sandy. 237 00:15:46,312 --> 00:15:48,446 I really like you, too, Peter. 238 00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,348 Yeah? You like it when I kiss you here? 239 00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:52,783 Yeah. 240 00:15:52,851 --> 00:15:54,218 How about here? 241 00:15:58,191 --> 00:15:59,356 Oh, stop, I'm... 242 00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,930 Ma'am, I hate to be a nuisance, 243 00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:09,233 but your son stopped kicking the back of my chair. 244 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,470 Thank you. 245 00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:23,447 Oh, no! Both the pilots are unconscious, and we are in a nose-dive. 246 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:26,917 If only there was someone on board who could save us. 247 00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:33,124 I said, if only there was someone on board who could save us. 248 00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:36,627 Peter, I don't see Quagmire. 249 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,896 Oh, that was great. Thanks. 250 00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:42,900 I know you have a choice in airport sex and I appreciate you choosing Quagmire. 251 00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:44,847 Please exercise caution when standing up 252 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:47,805 as the contents of your vagina may have shifted during coitus. 253 00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:50,241 Who else but Quagmire? 254 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,610 ♪ He's Quagmire, Quagmire 255 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,823 ♪ You never really know what he's gonna do next 256 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,581 ♪ He's Quagmire, Quagmire 257 00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,218 ♪ Giggity Giggity Giggity Let's have sex 258 00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:03,087 Let us forever remember this beautiful young woman, 259 00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:05,556 taken from us in the bloom of youth, 260 00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:07,858 yet as unspoiled as when she was born. 261 00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:11,862 Giggity Giggity Giggity Goo. 262 00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:14,499 Who else but Quagmire? 263 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,301 ♪ He's Quagmire, Quagmire 264 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,803 ♪ Giggity Giggity Goo ♪ 265 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,918 All right, I got a plane to catch. Say, which gate is Flight 209? 266 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:25,409 209? That flight left half an hour ago. 267 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:28,346 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! That plane is going down. 268 00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:30,493 My friends are on that plane. They're all gonna die. 269 00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:33,384 What? Oh, no! And that's not the worst part. 270 00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:38,355 Here's the condom I said I put on. Aren't I just the worst? 271 00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:39,657 Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. 272 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:40,991 And I'm Diane Simmons. 273 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,260 More trouble in the skies over Quahog tonight, 274 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:46,364 as a Transnational jet is apparently out of control. 275 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:48,198 Channel Five has this exclusive recording 276 00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,468 of a mayday communication from the cockpit. 277 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:20,097 Mom, Dad's crashing a plane on television. 278 00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:23,434 Oh, my God! What the hell is your father doing on a plane? 279 00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:25,169 I don't know, 280 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:28,450 but I can think of 100 better things he could be doing on television. 281 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:32,443 Hiya, kids, it's Peter Griffin's champagne dance party. 282 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,045 And, oh, we got a hot one today. 283 00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:42,719 ♪ Hot diggity, dog ziggity Boom, what you do to me 284 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,656 ♪ It's so new to me, what you do to me 285 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,158 ♪ Hot diggity, dog ziggity ♪ 286 00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:51,229 Holy shit! We are fucking smoking now, huh? 287 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:02,072 Hey, there, son, mind if I have a seat? 288 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,441 Hugh Hefner? 289 00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:05,476 You look like you got something on your mind. 290 00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:08,779 Who the hell am I kidding? I don't deserve to be a pilot. 291 00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:10,381 I've let everybody down. 292 00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:12,561 Did you do the best you could? No. 293 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,586 I was gonna, but I ended up getting laid instead. 294 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,255 That reminds me of a guy you might have heard of, 295 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:22,326 John Holmes, the greatest porn star who ever lived. 296 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:23,927 You know what he once said? 297 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:27,164 He said, "You know, I've got a 13-inch penis, 298 00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:31,234 "and Glenn Quagmire is the best damn pilot I've ever seen." 299 00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:33,137 John Holmes said that? 300 00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:37,641 You bet he did, right before he died a very painful AIDS-related death 301 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:40,611 from having unprotected sex with so many people. 302 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:46,651 Excuse me, Hef, I got a plane to land. 303 00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:58,662 We are all gonna die! 304 00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:01,064 I can't believe this is happening. 305 00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:07,071 - Help us! - Help! 306 00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:10,040 Men, we're doing everything in our power to get you down. 307 00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,944 Stand aside, sir. I'll take it from here. 308 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,711 Peter, this is Quagmire. 309 00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,426 Now, I want you to listen very carefully and do exactly as I tell you. 310 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,361 Take a firm hold of the throttle 311 00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:21,885 and pull the red mixture knob out slowly. 312 00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:23,621 Okay. 313 00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,567 All right, now do you see a button that looks like a drunken gay guy 314 00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:27,202 eyeing you from across the bar? 315 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,827 Um... Uh... 316 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,875 Yeah, I see it. All right, press the button right above it. 317 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,366 Some new developments in the Flight 209 drama. 318 00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:38,202 Recently discharged pilot Captain Glenn Quagmire 319 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,137 is apparently talking the plane down. 320 00:20:40,206 --> 00:20:42,039 Ollie Williams has the story. Ollie? 321 00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,308 I'm at the wrong airport. 322 00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:44,875 Oops! Well, thanks Ollie. 323 00:20:44,943 --> 00:20:47,778 Coming up, why calling every Asian man you meet "Chung King" 324 00:20:47,846 --> 00:20:50,581 can land an anchorman in hot water. After this. 325 00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:58,133 All right, Peter, slide the red knob all the way out. 326 00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:01,392 And the second those wheels touch the ground, you hit the emergency brake. 327 00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:20,744 We made it! Hallelujah! 328 00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,647 Get some! 329 00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:25,955 Well, guess there's nothing left to do but watch the end of Last Holiday. 330 00:21:29,155 --> 00:21:30,720 Whoa! 331 00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:33,324 Damn! 332 00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,827 Oh, no, she didn't. 333 00:21:36,896 --> 00:21:38,562 Oh, yes, she did. 334 00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,996 No, she didn't. 335 00:21:40,066 --> 00:21:41,432 Yes, she did. 336 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:44,701 No, she didn't. Yes, she did, Peter! I just saw it! 337 00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:46,003 All right, take it easy. 338 00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:53,343 Glenn, we are so thrilled for you. 339 00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:55,691 Yeah, I guess it didn't take too much for you to get your job back, 340 00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:56,814 now that you're a hero. 341 00:21:56,882 --> 00:21:58,360 Yeah, and I'm so happy for you, 342 00:21:58,384 --> 00:22:00,462 I don't even mind that I was raped in a federal prison 343 00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:02,231 after I was arrested for hijacking. 344 00:22:02,255 --> 00:22:04,288 Well, I couldn't have done it without you guys. 345 00:22:04,356 --> 00:22:07,791 You put yourselves on the line and you gave me my life back. 346 00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:09,393 I'll never forget that. 347 00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:12,329 Now if you'll excuse me, I got to go to work. 28539

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.