Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,537
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:09,274
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,778
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:16,014
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:19,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,319 --> 00:00:22,621
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,166
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,991
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:30,963
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:41,606
Um, Mom, Dad, I decided
I want a big party this year
with all my friends.
11
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,242
And maybe a band?
Is that cool?
12
00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:45,822
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, why not? Sure.
13
00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,445
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, why not? Sure.
14
00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:50,215
Oh, thanks, guys,
you're the best.
15
00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:52,584
What's she talking about?
A party for what?
16
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:54,898
I don't know.
She have her period
or something?
17
00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:57,367
Is she getting married?
No, if she was
getting married,
18
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,035
we probably would have
seen a guy around, right?
19
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,259
Sound reasoning.
20
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:02,961
You guys.
It's Meg's birthday
next week.
21
00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:04,997
Oh, my God. It is.
22
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,965
Peter, we got to
put together a party.
23
00:01:07,033 --> 00:01:09,268
Oh, man,
I hate kids' birthday parties.
24
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,081
This is gonna be worse
than that time I was stuck
25
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:13,238
behind Robert Loggia
at the airport.
26
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,174
May I have your name
please?
Robert Loggia.
27
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,675
Can you spell that for me?
28
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:22,814
Certainly.
That's Robert Loggia.
R as in Robert Loggia.
29
00:01:22,882 --> 00:01:26,485
O as in "Oh, my God,
it's Robert Loggia."
30
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:30,188
B as in "By God,
that's Robert Loggia."
31
00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:34,192
E as in "Everybody loves
Robert Loggia."
32
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:37,395
R as in Robert Loggia.
33
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:40,865
T as in "Tim, look over there,
it's Robert Loggia."
34
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:42,634
Space.
35
00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:45,570
L as in
"Look, it's Robert Loggia."
36
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:52,856
Here you are, Brian.
What's this?
37
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,680
It's an invitation
to Meg's party.
I'm the party planner.
38
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:58,383
You have to RSVP.
You could do it right now
if you want.
39
00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,930
All right, fine.
I'll come to Meg's party.
40
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,921
No, you have to
call the RSVP line.
41
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:05,324
You got to be kidding me.
I'm waiting.
42
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:08,293
Ring, ring.
43
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,662
Aren't you gonna pick it up?
44
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:13,009
No, I'm not gonna pick it up
on the first few rings.
I'm busy.
45
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,733
Maybe I'm in the other room.
46
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:21,106
Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
Ring, ring.
47
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:24,375
Ring. Oh, come on.
Hello.
48
00:02:24,444 --> 00:02:26,211
Stewie?
No.
49
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:29,225
This is Stewie's housekeeper,
Mrs. Pennyapple.
I'll see if he's in. Stewie.
50
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:31,182
Stewie.
Yes, Mrs. Pennyapple?
51
00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:32,971
You've got a telephone call.
Who is it?
52
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,920
He didn't say.
Well, find out, would you?
53
00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,466
Who is this?
It's Brian.
54
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,123
It's Brian.
Oh, Brian.
55
00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:41,126
Probably RSVPing
about Megan's party.
Hello, Brian.
56
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:42,739
Hi, Stewie.
What can I do for you?
57
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,295
I'm coming to Meg's party.
58
00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,610
Oh, splendid,
just give your information
to Mrs. Pennyapple.
59
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,233
Hello,
it's Mrs. Pennyapple again.
60
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,102
Shall I put you down
for two, Brendan?
61
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,247
Brian.
Ryan.
62
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:52,348
Brian.
Mitchell.
63
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,892
What?
Goodbye.
64
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:57,209
Hey, Lois,
I'm ordering a birthday cake
65
00:02:57,277 --> 00:03:00,245
and the guy wants to know
how old Meg is. I didn't know
what to tell him.
66
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,234
You're asking me?
Yeah, how old is Meg?
67
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:03,749
Well, I don't know.
68
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,362
Well, my God, Lois.
I thought you were the one
keeping track of that.
69
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:08,252
No, no, I have no idea.
70
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,956
Don't you remember me
faking my way
through her last birthday?
71
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:15,660
♪ You are... going on...
72
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:18,930
♪ Fellows will fall in line ♪
73
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:23,201
Should we just ask her
how old she is?
74
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,704
Uh, that'd be
kind of awkward, huh?
75
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:28,840
Hey, maybe we should just
cut off her leg
and count the rings.
76
00:03:28,908 --> 00:03:33,679
Yeah, or maybe try
carbon-dating.
I don't know what that is.
77
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:36,081
You know, we're gonna
have to talk to her
78
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:39,417
and kind of steer
the conversation in a way
that gets her to spill it.
79
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:41,587
Come in.
80
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:43,655
Hi, sweetie.
Hey, Meg.
81
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:46,891
So, Meg, your birthday's
coming up, huh?
82
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,428
You excited about turning...
83
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:56,934
Uh, Meg, I got 16 candles
for your birthday cake.
84
00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,538
How does that sound?
That's not right.
85
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:03,475
So less, more,
86
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:06,744
too many, not enough?
87
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:10,415
You stupid son of a bitch,
you didn't even know
how old I am.
88
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:13,618
Meg, that kind of language
is not appropriate
for a girl your age.
89
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:16,454
Or is it?
90
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:18,756
I'm gonna be 17, you jerks.
91
00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:21,759
She's the jerk.
92
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:27,443
All right,
come on in, everybody.
93
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:28,667
Have a seat anywhere.
94
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,836
Meg's gonna open her presents
in a little bit.
95
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:34,172
Oh, Francis, I'm glad
you could make it.
96
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:37,542
Here, this is for Megan.
Oh, what is it?
97
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,545
It's a cookie
from lunch period at the home.
98
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:44,282
Well, I'm sure
she'll love this.
I want to see her eat it.
99
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,395
So the man asks the bartender
to recommend a good drink,
100
00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:49,788
and the bartender says
a grasshopper, so the guy
orders a grasshopper.
101
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,322
Then he's walking home
102
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,469
and along the way
he notices a grasshopper
on the ground.
103
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:56,862
So he says to the grasshopper,
"Hey, you know there's a drink
named after you?"
104
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:59,850
The grasshopper says,
"You mean, there's a drink
named Irving?"
105
00:05:04,038 --> 00:05:06,319
So, which one of you wants
to lose your virginity?
106
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,306
Mom, this party sucks.
107
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:12,377
I mean, balloons?
Pin the Tail on the Donkey?
I'm not five years old.
108
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:15,513
Meg, your father
worked very hard
to put this party together.
109
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,815
And he says he's got
a big surprise for you.
110
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:21,820
Hey, kids, I'm Pee-Pants,
the inebriated hobo clown.
111
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:24,456
I'm an adorable tramp
who wears found clothing
112
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,290
and eats
out of your garbage can.
113
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,327
A clown? Dad, I'm 17.
114
00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:32,230
Meg, guess what Pee-Pants
got you for your birthday?
115
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:34,766
A scarf.
I don't want a scarf, Dad.
116
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:38,069
Well, then,
how about a dozen scarves?
117
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:47,779
Peter, I don't think
you're actually supposed
to swallow those.
118
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,197
Here you go, Meg.
119
00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:57,655
I don't want them.
Take them.
120
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,857
Hey, are my long johns tied
to the end of those?
121
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,537
No.
Oh, God.
122
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:15,474
Mom, can I just
open my presents now?
All right, Meg.
123
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,553
Thank you. What the...
124
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,417
Hey, let's see
what else we got here.
125
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,914
The first season of
Sister, Sister on DVD.
126
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,315
You're welcome.
127
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,118
Stewie, what are you doing?
You can't open Meg's gifts.
128
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:30,455
Hey. These are mine.
You hear me? Mine.
129
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:34,393
Oh, God. Not the "mine" phase.
I've been dreading this day.
130
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,071
I'm entitled
to these things, Lois,
131
00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:39,964
especially after I got
shafted by that Asian Santa
at the mall.
132
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,644
What do you want for Christmas?
133
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:44,469
Um, I was thinking maybe
one of those old-timey...
134
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:46,738
Too late. Take too long.
Sad Christmas.
135
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,151
What you want?
Fire truck.
136
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,218
What color?
Red.
137
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,242
Next.
138
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,644
Peter, have you been drinking?
139
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:55,291
Well, a little.
It is a party.
140
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,515
Take off that stupid costume.
141
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,217
You look like a damn fool.
142
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:02,754
Oh, Dad, you won't say that
when you see my grand
unicycle finale.
143
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,600
Everyone, I'll be right back.
144
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:08,226
In the meantime, I leave you
with the musical stylings
of Chris Griffin.
145
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:17,169
♪ I don't know
what we're afraid of
146
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:23,341
♪ Nothing would change
if we made love
147
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:28,779
♪ So I'll be your friend
148
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:35,587
♪ And I'll be your lover ♪
149
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,592
All right, this is gonna
blow you guys away.
150
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:43,973
Grandpa!
Oh, my God.
151
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,964
Is he breathing?
Somebody call an ambulance.
152
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:49,000
Lois, maybe you better
call two ambulances.
153
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,240
How is he, Doctor?
154
00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:58,087
Mrs. Griffin,
his internal injuries
were much too severe.
155
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:00,511
I'd estimate he'll be dead
within the hour.
156
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:03,982
Dad, I'm so sorry
I broke all your ribs
and busted your spleen
157
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,449
and punctured your lung.
158
00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:08,197
I don't know
if you can hear me
right now,
159
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:11,622
but I hope you know
I love you, Dad.
160
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:17,796
Peter, come closer.
There's something
I need to say to you.
161
00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:20,009
I'm here, Dad.
What is it?
162
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:24,302
Peter, you're a fat,
stinking drunk.
163
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,873
Oh, my God, he's dead.
He can't be dead.
164
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,009
There's got to be something
I can do.
165
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:33,118
Maybe I'll bury him
in the pet cemetery.
166
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,531
Okay, I'll bury him
in a regular cemetery.
167
00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:46,190
I can't believe Grandpa's dead.
168
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:51,228
Well, he did kind of
treat us like crap,
but, yes, it is a tragedy.
169
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:52,730
It is a tragedy.
170
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,639
Excuse us.
Yeah, we'll be right back.
171
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:07,789
We're all gonna miss him.
Tragic.
172
00:09:07,813 --> 00:09:09,213
You know what the worst part is?
173
00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:12,149
All I wanted was for my dad
to tell me he loved me.
174
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,952
But instead he called me
"a fat, stinking drunk."
175
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,454
Those were his last words.
176
00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:19,223
Well, I hate to side
with your father, Peter,
177
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,436
but you do kind of drink a lot.
178
00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:25,029
And you know,
sometimes it affects
the people you love.
179
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,231
Oh, my God.
Lois, you're right.
180
00:09:27,299 --> 00:09:31,068
Booze made me fall down
all those stairs.
Booze killed my father.
181
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:35,873
Well, from this day forward,
I, Peter Griffin,
will never drink again.
182
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:42,146
Peter, what're you doing?
Crack.
183
00:09:42,214 --> 00:09:45,060
What the fuck?
Hey, at least
I'm not drinking, Brian.
184
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:48,552
Yeah, this isn't exactly
a good substitute.
Where'd you get crack?
185
00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:49,965
From Black's.
What?
186
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,700
Yeah, right behind
Black's hardware store,
187
00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:53,002
there's a white guy selling it.
188
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,004
Look, doing crack is not
the way to stop drinking.
189
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:59,063
You need to get to the heart
of why you feel the need
to drink in the first place.
190
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:02,566
Look, here. This is
the number of a hypnotherapist
I want you to see.
191
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,595
All right, Brian.
Good.
192
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,376
Hey, Peter, just thought
I'd check on you. Oh, my God!
193
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,279
Government came
and took my baby.
194
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:22,119
This is mine and this is mine
and that's mine
and this is mine.
195
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:23,954
Oh, what's this?
196
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:27,358
"Hot Monogamy, the board game
for failing marriages."
197
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:31,095
"Dare Card.
Have her do a striptease
198
00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:33,898
"and see how long it takes you
to get a bonner."
199
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:35,733
What's a bonner?
200
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,469
Stewie, what are you doing
with my jewelry box?
201
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:41,238
Now, you give that back
to Mommy.
No, go to hell.
202
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:45,576
Stewie, I have had just
about enough of this new
selfish attitude of yours.
203
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,578
Now give that back to Mommy.
204
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,415
Very well, then.
If I can't have it,
nobody can.
205
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:54,785
That is enough.
You, you struck me.
206
00:10:54,854 --> 00:11:00,524
Oh, my God.
Stewie, honey, I am so sorry.
Are you okay, sweetie?
207
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:08,566
Oh, honey, I'm sorry,
Mommy would never hurt you.
208
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:10,134
Let me give you a hug.
209
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:17,174
I haven't been this scared
since Mother Teresa
OD'd in my car.
210
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,776
She is messed up, man.
211
00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,779
Shut up. Just shut up.
Let me fucking think.
212
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,692
Push her out.
We can't leave her alone.
213
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:24,916
Push the bitch out.
214
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:33,091
Okay, for starters,
why don't you just lay back
and relax?
215
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:38,128
Loosen up them trousers.
Now, feel the air
between them toes.
216
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:41,365
Feel a gentle wind blowing
the hair on them legs.
217
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,934
Breezing up on through
the rest of your body,
218
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:47,505
through your private areas,
through your anus.
219
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:50,774
Now let's go back in your mind
to your childhood,
220
00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:53,244
to some of
your deepest memories,
221
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,913
maybe some that aren't so happy.
222
00:11:55,981 --> 00:11:58,316
You know, the anus has
the second-highest density
223
00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,017
of nerve endings in the body.
224
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,053
You remembering anything?
225
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:05,022
Like maybe being
the best at jump rope
226
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:08,726
and not being allowed
to win the ribbon
just because you was a boy?
227
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:12,563
Or being told everything
you made in pottery class
was inappropriate?
228
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,632
Yeah, I'm getting something.
229
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:19,436
Happy Father's Day, Dad.
I'm not your father.
230
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:24,041
Oh, my God. Francis Griffin
wasn't my real father.
231
00:12:24,109 --> 00:12:26,209
I wonder what else
I've repressed?
232
00:12:26,278 --> 00:12:29,213
Oh, my God.
I could've had a V8.
233
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,852
It was horrible, Rupert.
It was like a nightmare.
234
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:39,223
Lois came at me
like a wild animal.
I had no way to defend myself.
235
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,026
Mother, I'm sorry
I went against your wishes.
236
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:47,698
I'm sorry
I misbehaved, Mother.
I'm sorry I misbehaved.
237
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,134
It won't happen again.
238
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:52,202
I love you, Mommy dearest.
239
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,876
It was awful, Rupert.
240
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:04,848
I felt terrified
and brutalized and humiliated
and, and, and alive.
241
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:08,185
My God, I haven't felt
that alive in years.
242
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:12,523
Rupert, you know,
I think perhaps I may be
one of those people
243
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:14,559
who gets a jolly
out of being hit.
244
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:19,429
Stewie, there you are.
Mommy is so sorry she hit you.
245
00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:22,099
I promise I will never
lay a hand on you again.
246
00:13:22,168 --> 00:13:25,147
Well, let's not
make any rash decisions.
I mean, I did provoke you.
247
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:28,473
Come on, Lois, hit me.
Beat the crap out of me,
step on my cubes.
248
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:38,415
Oh, hi, Peter. Are you here
to bring back the TV set?
249
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,618
No, I sold it for crack.
But listen, Mom,
I got to ask you something.
250
00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:44,255
Who's my real father?
251
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:48,392
I knew this day would come.
All right, Peter, here it is.
252
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,728
About 40 years ago,
I was vacationing in Ireland
253
00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:54,965
and I met a young rogue
named Mickey McFinnegan.
254
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:58,436
Peter,
Mickey is your real father.
255
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,172
Oh, my God. I got to find him.
256
00:14:03,475 --> 00:14:04,841
To Ireland.
257
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,361
Sweetheart,
when will you be back?
258
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:13,651
I don't know, Lois,
259
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:16,187
all I know is somewhere
in the great land of Ireland
260
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:19,023
is a big, fat bastard
who looks like me.
261
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,902
Call me as soon
as you can, Peter.
262
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:23,060
And I really hope
you find your real father.
263
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:27,565
We're gonna miss you, Dad.
Come back soon, Daddy.
I love you.
264
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:29,967
That'll do, pig, that'll do.
265
00:14:33,305 --> 00:14:35,918
There she is, Rupert.
Oh, if I can just get her
to hit me one more time,
266
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:38,142
it'll give me the rush
I've been looking for.
267
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,190
Oh, what's next? What's next?
What's next?
268
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,792
Oh, God. I've been
so bloody naughty.
269
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:46,176
Oh, I need to be
taught a lesson
and you're the one to do it.
270
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:52,422
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
271
00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:56,360
Yeah, all that stuff,
let's make that happen.
272
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:59,709
Oh, hi, sweetie,
you want some juice?
Oh, that would be lovely.
273
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,968
Oh, Stewie.
Yeah.
274
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,469
Look at the mess you made.
275
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,972
Oh, I've made a terrible mess,
haven't I?
276
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,619
Yes, I've made you
take time out of your day
to clean up my mess
277
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,309
and I should be punished
for it. Go.
278
00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:15,513
Well, I guess
it's not that big a deal.
Accidents happen.
279
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:18,882
Oh, I don't know.
Don't you think you should
spank me or slice my nostril?
280
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:22,319
It's all right, Stewie,
now go play.
Oh, all right.
281
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:28,825
Look, I've drawn
heavyweight pugilist David Tua
on the wall. Punish me.
282
00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:32,763
Sweetie, you really gotta...
Looks like David Tua.
283
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,576
You've really
got to stop misbehaving.
284
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,978
You're getting
on Mommy's nerves.
285
00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:37,546
Well, you know
what will ease your stress?
286
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,603
Slap me
across the face like a bitch.
287
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:42,039
It's all right.
I'll get some Windex.
288
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,440
Come on. Discipline me.
289
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:45,809
Make me wear panties,
rub dirt in my eye,
290
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:49,513
violate me with a wine bottle.
My God. I really do
have problems, don't I?
291
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:55,952
Welcome to Ireland.We'll be landingin five minutes.
292
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:57,488
This is quite a country, Brian.
293
00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:00,257
You know,
Ireland has more drunks
per capita than people.
294
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:01,637
Oh, that's
a negative stereotype.
295
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:04,328
I don't think the Irish drink
as much as people say they do.
296
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:18,175
Excuse me,
is this McSwiggen Village?
297
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,911
Devil a man who'll say a word
against it, hmm?
298
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,813
Is that a yes or a no?
299
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:26,550
Aye, it is McSwiggen Village,
where the hills are green,
the streams are clear
300
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:30,054
and the sweaters are so thick,
even the boniest-fingered nun
301
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,334
could poke you in the chest
and it wouldn't
bother you none.
302
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:36,060
Don't be so bold
with your dark hair
and your proud ways.
303
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,527
I can't feel a thing.
304
00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:38,974
Hey, what are those guys doing?
305
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,064
Those are the McMurphy brothers.
306
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:44,001
They've been circling
that same spot for 50 years,
307
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:46,937
just daring each other
to throw the first punch.
308
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,073
Just you try it.
Oh, I'll try it.
309
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,153
Just you try it.
You'll feel it when I try it.
310
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:53,944
I'd like to see you
have at it.
Would you now?
311
00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,487
Hey, you heard of a man
named Mickey McFinnegan?
312
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,723
Have I heard of him?
Of course I've heard of him.
313
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,057
He's the town drunk.
314
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:09,093
Town drunk? Oh, my God.
315
00:17:09,161 --> 00:17:11,041
You mean, he's the disgrace
of the whole town?
316
00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:15,333
You lads aren't
from around here, are you?
317
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:18,502
Top of the morning, laddies.
Let me cut you an Irish rose.
318
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,275
I don't know exactly
where the County Cork is,
319
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,675
but I know where it should be.
320
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:33,517
Around here the town drunk
is a person of great honor.
321
00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:35,785
Excuse me, sir.
My name is Peter.
322
00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:37,765
Pleased to meet you, lad.
Name's Mickey.
323
00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:42,592
Listen, this may be hard
for you to believe,
but you're my father.
324
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,294
Oh, am I now?
325
00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:46,830
Yeah, I came all the way
from America to find you.
326
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:50,701
I suppose it's money
you're wanting. I owe you
some allowance and so forth.
327
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:57,641
Oh, no, I don't want money,
I just want to get to know you
and be friends.
328
00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:01,011
So I can finally
have a real dad
who loves and respects me.
329
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,181
You can't be me son,
you and me are nothing alike.
330
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,915
Just ask me sheep, O'Brian.
331
00:18:05,984 --> 00:18:08,819
Whose leg do you have to hump
to get a pint of Guinness
around here?
332
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:13,623
Boy, it's amazing, isn't it?
You get two fathers,
333
00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:15,671
and neither one of them wants
anything to do with you.
334
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:16,938
There's got to be some way
335
00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:19,875
I can make him see
that I'm worthy
of being his son.
336
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:24,034
About the only way I could
ever impress him is
if I was a fat stinking drunk.
337
00:18:24,102 --> 00:18:27,738
Peter, you're a fat,
stinking drunk.
338
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:31,107
What?
You're a fat, stinking drunk.
339
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,388
Yes, from what he's told us
that's right on the money.
340
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:34,744
Challenge him, you must.
341
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,647
And I'm Hayden Christensen.
342
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:40,450
Wait a minute, Brian.
That's it.
I'm a fat, stinking drunk
343
00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:44,688
because my father
is a fat, stinking drunk.
And I got to prove it to him.
344
00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:46,834
I have gotta drink him
so far under the table,
345
00:18:46,858 --> 00:18:49,003
he'll have no choice
but to respect me.
346
00:18:49,027 --> 00:18:50,561
Get me a beer, Brian.
347
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:51,973
I am gonna prepare for this
348
00:18:51,997 --> 00:18:54,765
as thoroughly as Ben Affleck
prepares for a role.
349
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:58,502
I got to be Henry VIII
in 20 minutes.
350
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,639
Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Got it.
351
00:19:04,576 --> 00:19:08,578
Mickey McFinnegan,
I challenge you
to a drinking contest.
352
00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:13,161
And what makes you think
you can hold your own
with the likes of me?
353
00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:15,852
Because I'm your son
and I'm tough.
354
00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:18,355
I made it halfway through
Failure to Launch.
355
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:22,626
I just never managed
to get my life together,
isn't that hilarious?
356
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,496
You're cute.
357
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:26,663
Done.
358
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:30,033
As we say in Ireland,
359
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:34,104
let's drink until the alcohol
in our system destroys
our livers and kills us.
360
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:38,541
I got 20 on the fat one.
361
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:41,211
Which one's the fat one?
Which one's the fat one?
362
00:20:30,128 --> 00:20:32,228
What happened?
Peter, you won.
363
00:20:32,298 --> 00:20:35,832
My God. Nobody's ever beat me
at the game of drink.
364
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,979
Now do you believe
that you're my dad?
365
00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:41,271
Nobody but a McFinnegan
could handle that much
of the creature.
366
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:44,241
You're the broth of me own
stubby shillelagh, all right.
367
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,743
Welcome to me family, Peter.
368
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:48,311
Did you hear that, Brian?
I'm a McFinnegan now.
369
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,147
I can forget all about Francis.
370
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,493
You know,
there's something you should
always remember, Peter.
371
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:56,720
Francis may not have been
your father, but he raised you
as if you were his own.
372
00:20:56,788 --> 00:20:59,589
And if that isn't love,
I don't know what is.
373
00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:02,926
Wow. I guess you're right,
but there is one thing,
Mickey.
374
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,229
You knocked up my mom
and never called her again.
375
00:21:05,297 --> 00:21:08,365
Yeah, so what?
So what? So let's dance.
376
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,734
♪ Oh, he doesn't
smell like Irish Spring
377
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,413
♪ And he never
taught me anything
378
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,939
♪ But still I slap my chest
and sing
of my drunken Irish dad
379
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:18,020
♪ Oh, his face looks
like a railroad map
380
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:19,721
♪ And he never
shuts his freakin' trap
381
00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:23,147
♪ But all the ladies
catch the clap from
your drunken Irish dad
382
00:21:23,215 --> 00:21:26,060
♪ Ask a Hennessy, Tennessy,
Morrison, Shaughnessy,
Riordan and Rooney
383
00:21:26,084 --> 00:21:27,262
♪ They'll tell you the same
384
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,064
♪ McNulty, Mulroney
and Cotter and Clooney
385
00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,865
♪ All feel the same mixture
of pride and of shame
386
00:21:30,889 --> 00:21:32,569
♪ Finnegan, Hannigan,
Kelly and Flannigan
387
00:21:32,624 --> 00:21:34,502
♪ Look to the ground
when their dad passes by
388
00:21:34,526 --> 00:21:36,171
♪ Cafferty, Rafferty,
Joyce and O'Lafferty
389
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:40,698
♪ Fight for his honor
and then start to cry
390
00:21:56,615 --> 00:21:58,548
♪ Oh, we Irish lads
are all infirm
391
00:21:58,618 --> 00:22:00,394
♪ And our moods
infect us like a germ
392
00:22:00,418 --> 00:22:04,254
♪ 'Cause we're all the spawn
of a pickled sperm
393
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:05,967
And we don't tan well, either.
394
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:08,125
♪ From a drunken Irish dad ♪
32629
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.