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00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:05,904
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:09,340
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:12,845
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:15,980
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:19,317
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:22,587
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,267
♪ All the things
that make us ♪
8
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:30,295
Damn it!
Peter, are you all right?
9
00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,142
No. No, I think you
should call somebody.
10
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,900
Ma'am, are you all right?
I can't breathe.
11
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,668
Oh, God!
I think she punctured a lung.
12
00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:40,172
Oh, damn it, look at my foot.
It's already
starting to swell up.
13
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:41,851
Yeah, I'm looking
forward to this week.
14
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,408
Freaking swelled foot all week.
15
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,643
You know, we should...
16
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,711
You should probably go ahead
and shut that off.
17
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:55,464
Well, hey, Quagmire.
How was Florida?
Oh, it was great.
18
00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:57,600
And guess what,
I smuggled a whole
bunch of fireworks
19
00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,157
back in my anus.
20
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,504
Quagmire, fireworks
aren't illegal here.
21
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,706
You could have just
put them in your car
and driven them up here.
22
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,130
Oh, yeah, that's just as fun.
23
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,970
All right, Meg,
you be David Koresh,
24
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:15,040
and I'll be
a heavy-handed FBI agent. Go!
25
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:22,681
Hey, you,
you're a crazy person,
come out of there, you!
26
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,595
Quagmire, check it out.
27
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:28,120
I took 10 M-80s
and stuck them all together.
28
00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:32,924
I call it Peter
Griffin's bunker-busting,
mega-ultra super...
29
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,460
Holy crap!
30
00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:39,764
Oh, my God! You blew
off all your fingers.
31
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,967
What happened?
Oh, my God!
32
00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:45,236
You know, no huge hurry,
but I'm sort of out
of juice over here.
33
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,006
Bone dry.
34
00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:50,775
There's one of Dad's fingers.
We have to hurry.
35
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:52,923
I learned in biology,
if you get them
back soon enough,
36
00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:54,124
they can be reattached.
37
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,747
What's all the commotion?
38
00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,284
Hey, there's one of them.
39
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,888
Peter, look out!
40
00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:10,428
Go on, Jesse.
Make your peeps and poops.
41
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:11,696
Mmm.
42
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,366
That's gonna
feel good for Jesse.
43
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,406
Mmm.
44
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,715
Mmm.
45
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:42,894
Damn it!
46
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,008
Maybe if we make it mad,
it will come down here,
47
00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:47,577
and we can catch it
and get the finger.
48
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:50,735
Hey, bird!
Your poop is white and green.
49
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:53,338
You're the laughingstock
of the poop world.
50
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,219
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I knew that would get you.
51
00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,022
Yeah. Yeah. Come here,
you little son of a bitch!
52
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,479
Come here!
Stop it! Stop pecking me!
53
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:09,221
Thanks, Joe.
Let's plant a knife
on him just to be safe.
54
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:12,190
Good thinking.
Yeah, I know how
these things go down.
55
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,798
Hey, there, we were supposed
to have brunch this morning.
56
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,146
Oh, yeah, sorry,
I had a late night.
57
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,569
Late night, huh?
58
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,838
What's her name, Brian?
What are you talking about?
59
00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:29,274
Oh, spare me the theatrics.
I see the signs,
60
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:32,510
the excuses for why
we can't hang out,
the inside-out collar.
61
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,324
If I didn't recognize
what was going on here,
62
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,247
I would have to be as dim
as those retirees
63
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:37,749
I entertain every Thursday.
64
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,265
♪ There is a hole in
the bottom of the sea
65
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,367
♪ There is a hole in
the bottom of the sea
66
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,669
♪ There's a hole,
there's a hole
67
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,893
♪ there's a hole
in the bottom of the sea ♪
68
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,441
All right, we're getting
a little faster here now.
69
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:53,932
And you know what?
70
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,345
I think there is
something else down there
in the bottom of the sea.
71
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:58,737
Something that you will be
able to relate to.
72
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,785
♪ There is a tube in the
throat of the elderly man
in the hospital bed
73
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:04,587
♪ On the frog on the log
in the hole in the bottom
of the sea
74
00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:07,456
♪ There is a tube in the
throat of the elderly man
in the hospital bed
75
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,193
♪ On the frog on the log
in the hole in the bottom
of the sea
76
00:04:10,217 --> 00:04:12,428
♪ There's a hole,
there's a hole
77
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,586
♪ there's a hole
in the bottom of the sea ♪
78
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:17,488
Oh, what is this?
79
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,958
♪ There's a birthday
cake for Mr. Cohen
80
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:24,462
♪ On the frog on the log
in the hole in the bottom
of the sea
81
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,765
♪ There's a birthday cake
for Mr. Cohen
82
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,000
♪ in the hole
in the bottom of the sea
83
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,113
Get a nurse.
84
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,281
♪ There's a hole,
there's a hole
85
00:04:32,305 --> 00:04:35,140
♪ there's a hole
in the bottom of the sea ♪
86
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,648
Look, Brian,
I think it's wonderful
87
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,855
you found a young lady
willing to
stoop to your level.
88
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:39,959
When do I get to meet her?
89
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,245
No, no. No way.
90
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,582
Oh, I see,
I get it, she's hideous.
91
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:44,794
She's not hideous.
92
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,228
Oh! Well,
let me ask you something.
93
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:47,586
Does she have an alibi?
94
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:49,265
For what?
Why would she need an alibi?
95
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,322
So, you're saying
she does not have an alibi.
96
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:52,657
Well, no.
97
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,771
Okay, so, we've established
she ain't got no alibi.
98
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,461
♪ She ugly
She ugly
99
00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:59,898
♪ U-G-L-Y she ain't got
no alibi, she ugly
100
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,010
Screw off.
101
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,700
♪ "M" she's major ugly
102
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:07,472
♪ "O" she is fat and pugly
Oh, my God,
now the cow says moo ♪
103
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:14,145
Here's to Peter
getting his fingers back.
Thanks, Joe.
104
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:16,080
Oh, boy, I tell you
I haven't felt this good
105
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,416
since I came up
with that new place
to hide my porn.
106
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,286
Have a good day, sweetie.
107
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,169
Hey, Greg.
Afternoon, Mr. Griffin.
108
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,638
Mrs. Griffin out today? Ah.
Shopping.
109
00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:14,806
She's hot.
110
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:17,309
All right,
last call, fellows.
It's closing time.
111
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,310
Oh, crap!
I'm not even half-buzzed.
112
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,290
Hey, what do you guys say
we take this
party on the road?
113
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:22,580
Fine by me.
114
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,294
Skinemax doesn't kick in
with the really dirty stuff
115
00:06:24,318 --> 00:06:25,350
till about 3:00 anyway.
116
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:26,952
They had one on last night
117
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,032
where the girl had a butt-face,
118
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,456
but her breasts was immaculate.
119
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:38,262
Peter, you sure
it's okay to be
at the brewery after hours?
120
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,331
Relax, Joe,
this is where I work.
121
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,378
Besides, it sure beats
the hell out of last Saturday
122
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,081
when we partied with
that big-horned
guy from Legend.
123
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:48,072
You guys wanna go
to IHOP, get some breakfast
or something?
124
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,942
God, I don't know, big-horned
guy, it's like 3:00 a.m.
125
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:53,450
Oh, that sucks, man!
I'm wide awake.
Hey, Quagmire, you want...
126
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,415
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry, man!
127
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:58,728
Are you okay?
No!
128
00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,752
I didn't see him.
129
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,322
Okay. Okay, guys,
here's one.
130
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:07,592
If you were God,
who would you
strike down first?
131
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:10,128
Debra Messing.
I find her insufferable.
132
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,529
French Stewart.
133
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:15,200
What are you squinting about?
It's not even that bright.
134
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,412
Yeah, he is terrible.
135
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,603
What we need out there now
is another Tim Daly.
136
00:07:18,671 --> 00:07:21,084
Who's Tim Daly?
I don't even
know who that is.
137
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,774
From Wings.
Nope.
138
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:26,089
Tim Daly, he was
on Wings. What, nobody
here watched Wings?
139
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:29,092
Is that the one where there is
a guy and he's like...
He's a pilot or something?
140
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,594
No, it's two guys,
they are brothers,
and they are both pilots.
141
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:34,152
Hey, wasn't there a fat guy
with a mustache?
142
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,020
That was Roy, he's hilarious.
143
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,488
Was this a cartoon?
144
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:40,558
No... Oh, my God! No! No!
It took place in an airport!
145
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,908
The thing was on for 10 years!
146
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,263
And the funny
repair guy was Lowell.
147
00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:47,176
It made Tony Shalhoub's career!
148
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,733
Who?
The tennis player?
149
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:52,137
You know what,
screw you guys.
I don't even know you.
150
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:55,406
Crazy people,
living under a rock,
don't know Wings.
151
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,742
I love Wings.
152
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,559
All right,
I want to be very
clear about this.
153
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:05,328
You can meet her,
chat for a minute,
and that's it. In and out.
154
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:07,830
Don't worry, Brian,
if she is as ugly
as I think she is,
155
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:09,494
I'll look at her once,
and then I'll go...
156
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,258
All over the place.
157
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,427
Then you'll wipe it up,
and then we will go.
158
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:19,597
Hi, Brian. Oh, my God!
Who is your
cute little friend?
159
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,534
Oh, my!
Hello. Stewie. Charmed.
160
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,503
I'm Jillian, come on in.
Who wants a drink?
161
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,908
So, are you gonna take back
what you said?
162
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:31,342
Brian, she's stunning.
163
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,022
Okay, you met her.
You can scram now.
164
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,646
I shall do no such thing.
165
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:37,259
Now, why in the world
would you be embarrassed
about dating her?
166
00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:38,783
Oh, my God, Brian.
167
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:42,586
I was watching
something on TV
about this guy named Hitler.
168
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:45,290
Somebody should stop him.
169
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,692
Is she retarded?
Can you please leave now?
170
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:51,329
Oh, now I get it, she's a moron.
171
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:52,997
But a moron with large breasts
172
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,300
you can use as mountains
for your Matchbox cars
173
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:57,280
or whatever it is
grown-ups do
with large breasts.
174
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:58,814
Shut up, that's not it at all.
175
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,883
Say, Jillian,
I love what you have done
with the place.
176
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:02,640
What is it?
One bedroom, one bath?
177
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,042
No, it's a whole apartment.
178
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:08,346
Oh, God, outstanding!
179
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:12,583
So, Stewie,
do you work with Brian
at the detective agency?
180
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:14,652
Why, yes,
as a matter of fact I do.
181
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,688
At the detective agency.
182
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,923
That's got to be a tough job.
183
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:22,727
I know Brian's work has him
coming and going at all
hours of the night.
184
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,562
I bet it does. I bet it does.
185
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,508
Okay, well,
Stewie has to go now.
186
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:29,512
What are you talking about?
I want some more of Jillian's
delicious lemonade.
187
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,269
I know. It's good, right?
188
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:34,839
I just wish they
didn't have to kill
so many lemons to make it.
189
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,108
Oh, this is fun, huh?
190
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:47,218
So, wait, Dupree moves in
with Kate Hudson
and Matt Dillon?
191
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,387
But they're newlyweds, right?
192
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:53,158
Well, that's no time
to have a house guest.
Got to go.
193
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,458
Sorry, Angela,
194
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,305
every Tuesday morning
I call my friend Cleveland,
195
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:58,963
and he describes every scene
from You, Me and Dupree.
196
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,777
Griffin,
your work output this week
is even worse than usual.
197
00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:03,446
Where the hell are
those purchase orders?
198
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,636
Yeah, it's this bum hand.
I can't type with it.
199
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,471
Well, that's not my problem.
200
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,985
I need to see
some improvement
by the end of the week,
201
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,290
or you're finished.
Don't worry,
I'll figure something out.
202
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,524
Oh, that's going
to be Quagmire
with Along Came Polly.
203
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:16,848
I got to take that.
204
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:18,661
All right, so as you know,
by this point in the story,
205
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:21,052
Ben Stiller
doesn't like spicy food.
206
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,198
Well, guess what's for dinner!
207
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,322
No way.
208
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:29,605
Boy, Lois,
thanks so much for coming in
209
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,129
and helping me get my work done.
210
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:33,364
Without you,
Angela would have
been all over my case.
211
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:34,699
Oh, it's all right, Peter,
212
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,879
I know it's
tough for you to work
with your hand injury.
213
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:38,463
Hey, you know,
with you sitting there,
214
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,738
it's kind of like
you're my secretary.
215
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,174
Well, let's not get
carried away, Peter.
216
00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:45,242
Now please, I'm
trying to finish your work.
217
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:48,012
You know,
Lois, if I'm your boss,
I got to look like a boss.
218
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,648
Finally, I have a reason to wear
219
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:51,236
this big bow tie
and cigar I bought
220
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,251
at the Dress For Success store.
221
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,364
Peter, if you want
this work to get done...
222
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,088
Lois, take a letter.
223
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,190
Dear Life Cereal,
224
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,392
where do you get off?
225
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:04,528
"Part of a balanced breakfast
and delicious"?
226
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,931
Who do you think you are?
227
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,634
By now, you may have guessed
I'm speaking ironically
228
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:13,037
and have nothing
but good things
to say about what you do.
229
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:16,440
Life Cereal,
do not change a thing.
230
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,810
Signed, Peter Griffin,
dictated but not read.
231
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:20,311
Lois, read that back to me.
232
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:26,884
Oh, hey, Brian,
back from a hot booty call
with your idiot girlfriend.
233
00:11:26,953 --> 00:11:28,297
You know, think what you want,
234
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,566
but you don't see
the side of Jillian
that I do.
235
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:33,924
Face it, Brian,
she is dumber than
a Boston-area book report.
236
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:39,397
The novel I chose
to address is Oliver Twist
by Charles Dickens.
237
00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:43,234
Queer name, right?
The book was
actually not bad.
238
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,480
For your information,
Jillian is very bright,
239
00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:47,805
and she happens to be
a very talented photographer.
240
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,473
Oh, that is so lame.
241
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,644
Every hot girl
who can aim a camera
thinks she is a photographer.
242
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,247
Ooh! You took a black
and white picture of
a lawn chair and its shadow
243
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:59,150
and developed it at Savon,
you must be so
brooding and deep.
244
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,584
Knock it off.
245
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,999
No, I want to know, Brian,
what specifically
do you talk about?
246
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:05,923
A lot of things. Food,
247
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:10,194
um, the new seat
covers she just got
for her Jetta. Um...
248
00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,330
Real World/Road Rules Challenge.
249
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,166
You hate MTV.
250
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,901
Pot helps.
251
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,948
Look, you know,
I don't have to justify
anything to you, all right?
252
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,806
All that matters,
is Jillian and I have
a great time together,
253
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,107
we make each other laugh.
254
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,276
Fine, but just tell me
this, Brian,
255
00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:29,413
does she laugh on her own
or does she laugh
only when you laugh?
256
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:31,783
I thought so.
257
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:37,155
Hey, yeah.
258
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:40,825
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
259
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:45,029
You got to hit
DVD and then menu
and then select.
260
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:49,000
Yeah. Yeah,
the DVD needs to be face up
when you put it in.
261
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,235
Uh-huh.
262
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:55,173
You should be able to see
the words Mr. 3000... Yeah.
263
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:57,642
Still nothing?
Is it plugged in?
264
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,211
Okay, so plug it in.
265
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:04,482
Okay, you got it?
Okay, all right.
266
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,451
No problem, all right.
267
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,254
All right. Love you,
too, Jilly bean. Okay.
268
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,168
What?
Nothing,
I didn't say anything.
269
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,758
I need a drink.
270
00:13:16,262 --> 00:13:19,797
Hey, Jilly bean.
Hey, it's Brian again.
271
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:23,100
So, yeah.
So I figured we could
get together tonight
272
00:13:23,169 --> 00:13:27,337
and maybe do all
those things sexually
that we usually do.
273
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:30,041
What were those again?
274
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:33,744
No way, gross. I mean... No.
275
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,646
Yeah, I totally
love how that feels.
276
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:43,888
Hi.
277
00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:47,525
You know,
I've been noticing you
around the steno pool.
278
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,994
You look good
enough for a promotion.
279
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:51,462
Peter, cut it out.
280
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:54,265
Hey, that's no way
to talk to your boss.
281
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,067
Mmm. Is that Pert?
282
00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:58,136
You know it is.
283
00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:00,104
Smell my Speed Stick.
284
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,988
Peter, what the hell
are you doing?
285
00:14:06,012 --> 00:14:07,723
Lois, I'm going to
come right out with it.
286
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:11,249
I think it would be
so hot for you and me
to have sex in my office.
287
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:14,752
Oh, my God!
There is no way that
is going to happen.
288
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:17,266
You know, it's no wonder
you are so far
behind in your work
289
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,034
if this is the way you
behave at the office.
290
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:21,025
Come on, just touch it.
Touch yours.
291
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:24,462
Peter, no. I have work to do
so you can keep your job.
292
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,731
Oh, look at me,
I'm Lois, I'm a worker,
I make stuff on things.
293
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,801
Oh, I'll file these later.
Oh, I got a phone.
Nope, that's it.
294
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,015
Jeez, Lois,
I thought having you here
was going to be fun,
295
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:36,273
but so far you are
a bigger buzz kill
than Buzz Killington.
296
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:40,977
Oh, man, this is
the best party
I have ever been to.
297
00:14:41,648 --> 00:14:43,347
Evening, everyone.
298
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,416
I thought it would be very droll
299
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:48,352
if we all sat down
and looked at etchings.
300
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,555
Would you like
to join me, Peter?
301
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:52,768
Well, we are kind
of partying here.
302
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,093
Good, hold this up.
303
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:59,330
Now, here is a fellow
attempting to ride a bicycle,
304
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,465
but he is having
some trouble, isn't he?
305
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,034
Would you like to know why?
306
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,236
Why?
307
00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:07,138
Because he is a Scot.
308
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:14,545
Now, who here likes
a good story about a bridge?
309
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:22,086
What the hell? Jillian,
what are you doing here?
310
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:26,090
Oh! Hi, Brian. It was so nice
of you to invite your
girlfriend over for dinner.
311
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:27,691
I invited her for dinner?
312
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,227
Yes, you did.
You wanted her
to meet the family.
313
00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:33,336
Now, come here, Brian.
Come sit by
your friend Stewie.
314
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:35,800
And then think about this,
315
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:38,536
have you ever seen
the sun and the moon
316
00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,415
in the same place
at the same time?
317
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,174
They're the same person.
318
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:44,442
I know, right?
319
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,077
You're brilliant.
320
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:48,645
Hey, Oogy!
321
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:52,516
So tell us, Oogy,
where did you
find this one, huh?
322
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:55,019
You two meet at a Mensa meeting?
323
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,987
No, at a Quiznos.
324
00:15:57,056 --> 00:16:00,290
We both ordered
the Turkey Ranch
and Swiss, no onions.
325
00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:01,726
Can you believe that?
326
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:05,062
No. Wow!
What are the odds?
327
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,232
Well, hey, what are the odds
of finding true love
anywhere in the world,
328
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,533
says this observer.
329
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:12,036
Hey, you want to
know something cool?
330
00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:13,816
I threw up a lot in high school,
331
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,107
so I don't get
my period anymore.
332
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:19,276
Wow, this is the one you have
been waiting for, huh, Brian?
333
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:24,915
Are you serious?
Are you serious, Brian?
334
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,650
You know what,
Lois, don't judge,
335
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,697
because you don't
know what two people
are like when they are alone.
336
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:31,155
Come on, let's go out dancing.
337
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:33,958
I don't know.
I'm feeling kind of
cozy tonight, kind of mellow.
338
00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:35,905
I just really want to go dance.
339
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:39,830
There it is again, what is that?
340
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:48,083
So, Jillian, what are
your views regarding
Homeland Security?
341
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:50,719
Do you think we should
support what
the President is doing?
342
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,610
Well, I just think,
for starters,
343
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,847
that sometimes
the government has things
they can't tell us.
344
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:59,950
And truthishly,
we should just accept that.
345
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,096
Okay, good night, everyone.
346
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,920
Oh, say, Jillian, before you go,
347
00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:06,657
I forget,
do you know what the capital
of this state is?
348
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,292
Rhode Island City?
349
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:12,630
It's like she's fucking five.
350
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,539
Thanks for hanging out
with my friends, Brian.
351
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:24,074
Hey, come on, we're
a legitimate couple, right?
352
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:25,787
I should be able to
talk with your friends.
353
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:29,480
So, then the valet
pulls up, and I'm all,
"That is so not my car,"
354
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,616
but then it totally was.
355
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,217
That's happened to me.
Me, too.
356
00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:35,719
Cars go fast.
357
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,656
Oh, God, yeah,
358
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,703
I'll tell you, if I had
a nickel for every time
that happened.
359
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,561
Yeah?
What?
360
00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:46,430
What if you had
a nickel for every time
that happened?
361
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,143
No, nothing,
it's just an expression.
362
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,499
A what?
363
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,536
Well, I was just saying,
I do my share of
dopey stuff, like...
364
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:53,770
Oh, this...
365
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,918
This one time I attended
a speaker's colloquium
366
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,574
on federal judgeships,
367
00:17:57,643 --> 00:18:02,313
and without realizing it,
I kept calling William
Rehnquist "William Rinequist."
368
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,081
God! I mean...
369
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:09,198
Anyone else have to go to
the little girl's room?
370
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,299
I have new gloss.
371
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,923
I love gloss.
Gloss rhymes with hair.
372
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:17,573
Dude,
that was painful.
What are you doing here?
373
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:18,996
Did you follow us?
374
00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:21,710
Brian, why can't you
just admit what's
going on here?
375
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,300
Okay, okay, fine, fine.
376
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,202
I'm gonna have to break it off.
377
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:28,606
But, boy, it's going to be
tougher than the reviews
for Our American Cousin.
378
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:29,941
Blah, blah, blah.
379
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:33,978
"Lincoln assassinated...
Tragedy for our republic..."
380
00:18:34,047 --> 00:18:37,514
Oh, look, "Ably performed
by the entire ensemble."
381
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,449
That's us.
That's all of us.
382
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:44,789
Morning, Lois, I need you
to proofread this
and collate it for me.
383
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,757
Peter, did you Xerox your penis?
384
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,704
Three-hundred times.
It's a flip book.
385
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,372
Flip through it or you're fired.
386
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:53,096
Oh, my God!
This is disgusting.
387
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:56,367
Peter, for the last time,
I'm not having sex
with you in this office.
388
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,402
Why the hell are you
pushing this so hard?
389
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,216
Because, Lois,
I already wrote the letter
to Penthouse Forum,
390
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,651
and I don't want
to be made a liar
391
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,942
in the nudie magazine of reckon.
392
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,544
All right,
393
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:09,380
if I give you 30
seconds of making out,
will that shut you up?
394
00:19:09,448 --> 00:19:10,681
Let's see where it goes.
395
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,251
Mmm.
396
00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:17,221
Mmm.
397
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,827
Oh, God!
You know this is pretty hot.
398
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,995
Yeah, what did I tell you, huh?
399
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,699
Oh, God, Peter, let's do it.
400
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:30,834
Let's do it right here,
right now.
401
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:35,038
Lois. Lois, wait.
Wait! Opie's right there.
402
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,107
I want him to look, Peter.
403
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,817
Well, that is the last of it.
404
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:48,886
You are now all
caught up with your work.
405
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,622
Lois, I really appreciate
you helping me out this week,
406
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,558
and I really
appreciate you having sex
with me in my office.
407
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:57,894
Well, that was my pleasure,
too, Peter.
408
00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:01,699
Hey, I knew I would get you,
just like Danny
DeVito got Rhea Perlman.
409
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:02,968
I don't know, Danny.
410
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,802
Look, it's either me or nobody.
411
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:05,990
Sold.
412
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,341
All right,
Brian, you can do this.
You can dump her.
413
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,875
Because once it's done,
414
00:20:11,945 --> 00:20:14,223
never again will
you have to listen
to her talk like this?
415
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:16,847
You know, where everything
has a question mark
at the end of it?
416
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:20,084
With an upward inflection
at the end of every sentence?
417
00:20:20,153 --> 00:20:21,763
Yeah, I don't know
what I was thinking?
418
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,787
Oh, damn it.
Now I'm doing it, too.
419
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:29,827
Oh, hey, Oogy!
Oh, you look tense.
420
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:33,464
Well, Jillian,
there is something
we need to talk about.
421
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:35,065
What is it?
422
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:38,969
I just wanted to spend
some time with you.
423
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:46,277
What the hell?
It took you three hours
to break up with her?
424
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:47,777
Not exactly.
425
00:20:47,846 --> 00:20:49,206
Well, what were you
doing in there?
426
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:51,681
What's that smell?
427
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,262
Smells like sweat
and anger and shame.
428
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:54,684
Yup.
429
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:56,932
Life is confusing
when you grow up,
isn't it, Brian?
430
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,001
It is.
Can we play my mix tape?
431
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,424
Yeah, go ahead.
432
00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:05,662
♪ Brian had sex with
a really dumb girl
433
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:09,499
♪ Now he's taking
his friend Stewie
to get some ice cream
434
00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:10,734
♪ In his car... ♪
435
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,723
Oh, you're a poor sport.
34538
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