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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,307
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:12,677
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:16,048
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:19,384
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:22,487
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,256
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:26,024
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:30,929
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:41,539
Oh, yes! I slam it,
and you can suck it!
11
00:00:41,608 --> 00:00:43,909
Joe, that was our last ball.
12
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:45,977
Don't worry.
Mr. Moose will help us out.
13
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,779
Won't you, Mr. Moose?
14
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,414
Fine. Knock-knock.
15
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:50,683
Ping pong balls!
16
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:56,220
Hey, guys, look at me.
I'm covered in balls.
17
00:00:56,289 --> 00:00:57,634
Just like...
Just like Sharon Stone.
18
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:58,824
You beat me to it.
19
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,325
Man, I haven't had this much fun
20
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:01,993
since I was
in that Broadway show.
21
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:11,403
♪ I'm a Wolverine
And my hatred keeps me warm
22
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:17,176
♪ A wolverine
So you Russians
best be warned
23
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,722
♪ Shooting commies
Drinking deer blood
24
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,846
♪ Peeing in the radiator
Look up there
25
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,382
♪ Here comes a really
Angry Russian helicopter ♪
26
00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:31,790
It has been a red dawn.
27
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:33,425
Hey, Peter,
Lois called to remind you
28
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:34,993
to pick up Meg
at the roller rink.
29
00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:36,706
No!
We're just getting started!
30
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,497
Meg is my least favorite
of all your children.
31
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:42,078
It's all right.
We'll just move the party
to the skating rink.
32
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,736
Who's sober enough to drive?
33
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:47,405
Okay, who's drunk,
but that special
kind of drunk
34
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,719
where you're a better driver
because you know you're drunk?
35
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:51,888
You know, the kind of drunk
where you probably
shouldn't drive,
36
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,244
but you do anyway because,
37
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:55,614
I mean, come on, you gotta
get your car home, right?
38
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,216
I mean, what do they
expect me to do, take a bus?
39
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,852
Is that what they want,
for me to take a bus?
40
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:04,056
Well, screw that.
You take a bus.
41
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,458
I'm that kind of drunk.
Shotgun.
42
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,565
Dad, where have you been?
43
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,333
I've been waiting
for over an hour.
44
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:18,148
Grab some wood there, bub.
Daddy and his friends
have been drinking,
45
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:19,549
and we're gonna keep on drinking
46
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,239
until we each
uncover repressed memories
47
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:24,075
of sexual abuse by
a trusted religious official.
48
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,778
Oh, that's crazy talk.
Oh, my God!
49
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,414
Minister Washington,
how could you?
50
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,283
Man, look at all these chicks.
51
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:34,552
If I were a woman,
52
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:37,488
I would press my bare boobs
up against glass in public
53
00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:42,460
just for the sexual thrill!
The sexual thrill!
54
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:45,030
How do I stop?
55
00:02:45,099 --> 00:02:47,098
Use the rubber stoppers
on the front.
56
00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:51,702
Hey, baby, how'd you like
to share a pair of skates?
57
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,972
Sure!
Never mind!
58
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,841
Boy, you look a lot better
from the back.
59
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,308
You jerk!
60
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,544
Oh, hey, baby,
you want to go somewhere?
61
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,079
No, no, no! Wait. Wait.
62
00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,048
Quagmire, remember
what's on the other side.
63
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:35,714
That was awesome!
64
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,149
Oh, my God! That was
completely by accident.
65
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,395
That was great fun.
66
00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:41,520
I don't even remember
why we came, but I had a ball.
67
00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:43,655
I look forward to reminiscing
about this tomorrow.
68
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:48,427
Dad! Wait!
You forgot me again!
69
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:51,855
You need a lift?
Didn't answer me
quick enough.
70
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,440
Remember those sweet,
warm New England summers?
71
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:05,610
Remember sipping lemonade
underneath a shady tree?
72
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,390
Remember when you
hit that pedestrian
73
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,615
with your carat the crosswalkand then just drove away?
74
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,550
Pepperidge Farm remembers.
75
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,230
But Pepperidge Farm
ain't just gonna keep it
76
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,465
to Pepperidge Farm's
self free of charge.
77
00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:18,034
Maybe you go out
and buy yourself
78
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,569
some of these
distinctive Milano cookies.
79
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,026
Maybe this whole thing
just disappears.
80
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,762
Meg, what happened?
81
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,798
Fat-ass and his drunk friends
left me at the roller rink.
82
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,211
You know, this wouldn't
have happened
83
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,600
if I had my own car.
84
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:32,589
Meg, people have always
found ways to get around
without a car.
85
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:33,705
Look at Iceman.
86
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,153
Honey, where'd you go
when you went out last night?
87
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,809
Just over to Tom's house.
88
00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:40,991
Played some poker,
had some brewskis.
You know.
89
00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:43,815
Really? Then would you
mind explaining that?
90
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,032
At least they know
how to touch a man.
91
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:52,256
Oh, walk away.
92
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:55,760
You know, Peter,
maybe Meg having her own car
isn't such a bad idea.
93
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,028
Yeah, I guess so.
94
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,396
What?
95
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,743
I have been trying to get
a sewing machine for months,
96
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,235
but she gets a freaking car
just like that!
97
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,636
I hate this place.
98
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:08,673
Look at all these Hummers.
99
00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:10,821
What kind of jerk
would drive one of those?
100
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:13,845
Dude, this car kicks ass,
101
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:17,248
and I can watch Madagascar
while I'm driving!
102
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,062
What kind of music
do you like, Gloria?
103
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:22,120
Hippo-hop.
Woohoo! Yeah, baby!
104
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,723
Dude, those animals
are so fucking funny,
105
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:28,032
they make me want to
merge without looking!
106
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:32,163
Yeah! Rumsfeld!
107
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,877
Hi, there, can I help you folks?
108
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,578
Yeah, my daughter's
looking for a car
109
00:05:35,602 --> 00:05:36,979
that goes with her personality.
110
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,882
Yes, are the new
bulimic-cutting
mobiles in yet?
111
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,772
This is a 1996 sedan.
112
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:44,976
Excellent gas mileage,
air bags and AM-FM cassette.
113
00:05:45,044 --> 00:05:47,245
I love it!
Dad, this is the car.
114
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:49,147
Hang on a second, Meg.
115
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,593
What can you tell me
about this one?
116
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:53,017
Oh, that's just an old tank
I use for those commercials
117
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,231
where I declare war
on high prices.
118
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,654
Now, about that sedan...
119
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:59,791
Hang on there, slick.
Now I see your game.
120
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,726
We come in here
wanting a practical car,
121
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,506
but then you dangle
this tank in front of me
122
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,063
and expect me to walk away.
123
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:08,099
Now, I may be an idiot,
but there is one thing
I am not, sir,
124
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,035
and that, sir, is an idiot.
125
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,537
Now, I demand
you tell me more
about this tank.
126
00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:17,820
Well, if you're
looking for quality,
then look no further.
127
00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:19,010
That's more like it.
128
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,723
Tell me, what are
the tank's safety features?
129
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:22,247
What a good-looking question.
130
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:25,094
Three inches
of reinforced steel
protects your daughter
131
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,562
from short-range
missile attacks.
132
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:29,020
I see, and does the sedan
protect against missiles?
133
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,132
It does not.
134
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:31,289
You hear that, Meg?
135
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:33,002
Yeah, it does not
protect against missiles.
136
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,727
See, these are the questions.
This is why I'm here.
137
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:38,997
Peter, you can't be serious.
This is a 30-ton war machine.
138
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,998
I'm still not sure.
139
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,177
Did I mention
the tank is a tank?
140
00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:43,201
Sold.
141
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:48,273
Okay, Lois,
you can open your eyes.
142
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:49,774
Bocce balls!
143
00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:51,042
I bought a tank.
144
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,443
Are you out of your mind?
145
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:53,923
Let me show you
how the gun works.
146
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,085
What the hell?
147
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:05,190
No, no, no, no!
148
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:08,226
Hey, Peter, can you blow
that towel rack down here?
149
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:10,829
Thank you.
150
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,266
Jeff Daniels and Bill Pullman
151
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:18,503
star in Neil Simon's
The Even Couple.
152
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,438
I ordered a pizza.
I hope that's okay.
153
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,307
Sure, I love pizza.
154
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:23,887
This half of
the apartment is mine,
155
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:26,122
but if you want
to come over here,
that's okay, too.
156
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,790
This isn't spaghetti.
It's linguini.
157
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:30,548
You're right. It is.
I always get those confused.
158
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:31,727
Hey, all of us are human.
159
00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:32,784
I'm glad we're friends.
160
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,263
Yeah, this is
really working out.
161
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,487
There's no conflict
in this movie!
162
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,657
When are you gonna
get rid of that stump?
163
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,159
I've been
asking you for months
to get rid of that stump!
164
00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:44,261
I'll do it, all right?
Just get off my back!
165
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:50,735
She's gone.
We can finally be together.
166
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,737
But, Tim, I'm rooted the ground.
167
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,306
We'll find a way.
We'll find a way.
168
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,712
My God, it's hot.
169
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:02,714
Brian, did you turn off
the air conditioner?
170
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:03,983
Just open a window.
171
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,995
Air conditioners are harmful
to the ozone layer.
172
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:09,354
Brian, please,
save your hippie BS for
the winter months, okay?
173
00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,823
Hey, Brian, I'm not gonna
recycle this aluminum can.
174
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,892
I'm just gonna throw it
in the trash.
175
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,135
Your Earth's bitch.
176
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:27,238
Morning, civilians.
General Griffin
reporting for breakfast.
177
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,806
Dad, it's not fair.
178
00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,519
My money paid for that tank,
179
00:08:30,543 --> 00:08:32,321
and I haven't even
got to drive it yet.
180
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,746
Jeez, Meg, you always gotta
ruin my good time,
181
00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:36,214
just like basic cable.
182
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:37,994
We now return to Showgirls...
183
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,018
Yeah!
184
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:40,325
On TBS.
185
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:44,767
All right, Meg,
you got a feel
for the controls.
186
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:45,991
Now give it a little gas.
187
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:52,964
Oh, great, it's here.
That mirror I bought on eBay.
188
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,000
Oh, my God!
189
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:01,072
Joe, my God, what happened?
190
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,308
You just ran over me,
you bastard!
191
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:07,445
I don't know
where you got that thing,
but I'm impounding it!
192
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:10,474
Look at you.
You look like
a half-empty toothpaste.
193
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:16,955
We now return
to the Ghost Whisperer.
194
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:18,263
I don't understand.
195
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,069
Why do all you ghosts
come to me?
196
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,327
You're really... I mean,
you have a knack for...
197
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,928
We just trust you.
198
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:26,142
I can't believe
you let Mr. Swanson
199
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,633
confiscate the closest
thing I had to a car.
200
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:31,169
Relax, Meg.
It's not the worst thing
I've ever done.
201
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,704
You remember
that favor I did
for that park ranger?
202
00:09:33,773 --> 00:09:36,741
Hey, Boo Boo,
let's see what we got
in this pic-a-nic basket.
203
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:46,251
Tell the other bears
what you just saw.
204
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,396
Well, I don't care
205
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,765
'cause you know
what I'm gonna do?
206
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,122
I'm gonna get a job
and buy a real car.
207
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:55,160
Hey, Meg, I'll pay you
a dollar a day
to smell my sneakers.
208
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:15,914
I peed and pooped.
209
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:19,250
You know,
I read that they're opening
a Superstore USA across town.
210
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,697
Maybe you could get a job there.
211
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,787
No. No, no way.
You cannot work there, Meg.
212
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:26,290
Giant megastores
like Superstore USA
are ruining this country.
213
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,237
They don't pay
their employees
a decent wage
214
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,371
or give them health benefits.
215
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:31,140
Yeah, all gay guys
hate Superstore USA.
216
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,196
What?
217
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:33,643
Hey, I'm just
trying to be ethical.
218
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,210
Yeah, right.
You hate all megastores
219
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,279
ever since you were
petted way too hard
220
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,663
by that special boy
in front of Kmart.
221
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:42,852
Doggie!
222
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,253
Doggie!
223
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,754
Doggie!
Too hard.
224
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:47,756
I like doggie!
Too hard.
225
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:49,292
Doggie!
Gonna bite.
226
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:50,993
Doggie!
Gonna bite.
227
00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,283
Doggie!
228
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:56,987
Oh, jeez.
229
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,940
Welcome to
the Superstore family, Meg.
230
00:11:04,964 --> 00:11:06,109
Glad to have you.
231
00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,266
Thanks. I'm really
excited to get to work.
232
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,346
Now, let me just
go over a few basics.
233
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,413
You'll earn minimum wage,
234
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:13,182
no overtime, no health benefits,
235
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:17,008
and every day at 3:00,
you'll need to give Sloth
a Baby Ruth.
236
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,943
Oh, it's nearly 3:00 now.
237
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:25,583
Here you go.
You're beautiful.
238
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:30,688
I would go out with you
if I wasn't already
in a committed relationship.
239
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:41,443
Hey, guys, what's going on?
240
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:45,336
Oh, Peter, Superstore USA
has taken all my business.
241
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:49,006
Mine, too.
In fact, the only guy
in town making any money
242
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:51,443
is that guy
who makes tumbleweeds.
243
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:56,213
Y'all laughed at me.
Y'all laughed at me.
Well, who's laughing now?
244
00:11:58,484 --> 00:11:59,661
What do you think of this?
245
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:01,519
That makes you attractive.
246
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:02,708
Yeah!
247
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:05,468
Well, maybe now
you guys are seeing
248
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:06,902
what I've been
trying to explain to you.
249
00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:09,294
That megastore is
a big, evil corporation
250
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,206
that means nothing
but trouble for this town.
251
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:13,476
Oh, man,
this is the worst thing
to happen to this town
252
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:16,066
since that roving gang
of Tom Brokaws.
253
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:22,706
Looks like
someone's a little lost.
254
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:27,011
Everyone, I have some bad news.
255
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,714
Superstore USA
has their own brewery on site
256
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:32,049
and can sell beer
at a much cheaper price,
257
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,451
so management has decided
to close down.
258
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,232
You mean I'm out of a job again?
259
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,855
I'm sorry, Peter.
260
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:41,025
Man, this sucks
worse than Easter Sunday
at Richard Gere's house.
261
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,927
Okay, find the Easter egg.
262
00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:45,430
I know where it is.
It's in your butt.
263
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,597
No.
264
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:49,099
Yeah, I know the story.
It's in your butt.
265
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:51,068
Mr. Griffin, if you'd just
look on the ground
266
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:53,003
for five seconds,
I'm sure you'd find it.
267
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:54,149
Nope, in your butt.
268
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:55,584
Look, I'm tired
of this stupid rumor.
269
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,752
In your butt.
Mr. Griffin...
270
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:57,820
Butt. Butt.
Mr. Griffin...
271
00:12:57,844 --> 00:12:59,744
You know what?
Just get the hell out of here.
272
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:01,479
Fine. Weirdo.
273
00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:09,119
So how was work today, Meg?
274
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:12,423
Peter, you lost your job
because of the Superstore.
275
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:14,025
You shouldn't blame Meg.
276
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,938
And you can stop
making that fart sound
277
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,761
every time someone says,
"Meg."
278
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:20,798
So how was your day exploiting
the town's resources, Meg?
279
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:23,668
Meg.
280
00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:25,169
Meg.
281
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,906
Meg, Meg, Meg, Meg, Meg, Meg!
282
00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,290
Meg.
283
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:35,524
I'm not gonna sit here
and take this.
284
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:38,615
I'm the only one
in this family who has a job.
285
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,151
Yeah, like
she'd get paid for that.
286
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:41,419
What did he just say to you?
287
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,087
Nothing, there was...
288
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,622
Well, it's like if you were...
289
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,224
Forget it.
It's nothing, Meg.
290
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,996
Hello, I'm Tom Tucker.
And I'm Diane Simmons.
291
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:53,697
At the top of the news,
292
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,677
Quahog is sufferingits worst heat wavein a century.
293
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:58,002
That's right, Diane.We now go liveto Ollie Williams
294
00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,448
with the black-you
weather report.
295
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:00,516
How are you
beating the heat, Ollie?
296
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:01,572
Swimming hole!
297
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,140
Thanks, Ollie.
298
00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:05,154
In other news,Quahog will beexperiencing rolling blackouts
299
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,313
to helpmeet Superstore USA'sextensive power demands.
300
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:11,048
Oh, in fact, Channel Five
has just received
301
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,995
this message from
the Electric Company.
302
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:16,287
Hey, you guys!
303
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:21,058
♪ We're gonna turn it on
304
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:24,295
♪ We're gonna
bring you the power
305
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,731
♪ It's coming down the line
Strong as it can be
306
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:33,638
♪ Through the courtesy
Of the Electric Company
307
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,874
♪ The Electric Company ♪
308
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:40,122
Contrary to those upbeat lyrics,
309
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:41,823
the Electric Company
would like us to emphasize
310
00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:43,567
it will not be
bringing you the power.
311
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,317
Great, rolling blackouts.
312
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,453
Now, Superstore USA
is siphoning off
all the city's power.
313
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,888
And they cost me my job.
314
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,134
Mine, too.
315
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:55,092
Superstore USA
has their own paper route.
316
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:02,500
That new paperboy done gone
and broke my sternum.
317
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,795
This sucks.
That damn Superstore
is ruining everything.
318
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:21,464
You know,
instead of sitting
around complaining,
319
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,253
why don't we go down there
and protest?
320
00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:24,789
That's a great idea, Brian.
321
00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:26,368
All we need is
some magic markers,
322
00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:28,136
poster boards, some plywood...
323
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,480
Actually, Superstore USA
has all that stuff.
We can just get it there.
324
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,740
There's one of them now.
325
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:45,576
Take that for stealing jobs
from hardworking people!
326
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,380
Dad,
what the hell are you doing?
327
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,915
We got a message for you.
328
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:53,584
"We're here. We're queer.
Get used to it."
329
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:54,886
Actually, Peter...
330
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,321
Gattaca! Gattaca!
331
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,599
Peter, I don't think
it's working.
332
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:01,192
People are still
going into the store.
333
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:04,929
Well, fine, then
I guess I gotta go in there
and drag them out one by one.
334
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,333
All right,
who the hell is in charge...
335
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,837
What is that I'm feeling?
336
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:15,851
That's our
industrial-sized
air conditioner.
337
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:19,410
When I walk
into Superstore USA,
I get the sensation
338
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,490
that I'm standing
on a mountain top
339
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:24,081
with the wind blowing
through my hair!
340
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,652
My God, look at this
wonderland of treasures.
341
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,320
What would a guy like me
have to do
342
00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:31,422
to be part of
this magical world?
343
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,724
You are trespassing
on private property,
344
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,226
and I must ask you to leave.
345
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,628
What?
Are you out of your mind?
346
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,396
Leave this lot, losers.
347
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,110
Unless you want a licking.
348
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,234
And we'd love to
deliver that licking,
349
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:44,346
right, fellows?
Yeah.
350
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:45,748
Love it.
A lot.
351
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:49,332
I'd love to lick
a lemon lollipop
in Lillehammer.
352
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,615
God, I wish the power
would come back on.
353
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,117
Boy, Meg, I am so looking
forward to this job.
354
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,664
Peter, I can't believe
you're working
for Superstore USA.
355
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,366
How could you
sell out like that?
356
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:07,558
Because, Brian, they have
an industrial-sized
air conditioner,
357
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:09,672
and I'm tired of
sitting in ball soup.
358
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,029
Look, Dad,
this isn't gonna be
a cake walk, all right?
359
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,297
I'm your supervisor.
360
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,044
Meg. Meg, I promise,
I'll do better
361
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:17,000
at this job
than I did on the SATs.
362
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:27,411
Come on, do math.
363
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:33,317
Dad, I need you to...
Dad, what are you doing?
364
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,752
Meg. Meg, look. Meg, look.
365
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,921
I am so freaking
good at coloring.
366
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,034
I know
I'm not supposed to
go outside the lines,
367
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,358
but I do anyway
because I like being myself.
368
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:44,828
Dad?
369
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:48,833
Dad?
370
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:52,236
Dad?
371
00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:01,612
Oh, God, it's so hot.
372
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,549
Brian, spit on me.
373
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,952
Oh, that's nice.
Now tell me I'm scum.
374
00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:09,319
How will that cool you off?
375
00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:12,055
God, it's awful in here.
376
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:15,084
This is even worse
than getting herpes
from a toilet seat.
377
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,227
Joanie, it's me.
378
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:18,729
Oh, hey!
379
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,343
You know, I had
such a great time
with you last night.
380
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:23,734
Listen,
there's something
I have to tell you.
381
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,335
I just got back from the doctor.
382
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:26,904
I have herpes.
383
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:28,650
I think you should
get yourself checked out.
384
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:29,785
Oh, my God.
385
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,609
Will you stay?
What?
386
00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:34,645
Will you stay with me
even knowing
that I have herpes?
387
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,648
Yes, I will.
388
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,383
Joanie?
Yeah?
389
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,885
I don't have herpes.
390
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,820
I just needed to know
that you'd stay.
391
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,489
♪ You say
392
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,493
♪ I only hear
what I want to ♪
393
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,028
I've had it.
The only place in town
394
00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,730
that's got power
is Superstore USA
395
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,032
while the rest of us
are left to bake in the heat.
396
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,546
There's gotta be
something we can do
to take that place down.
397
00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:00,704
Don't worry, Brian.
I think I've got an idea.
398
00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,375
Uh-huh.
399
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,043
Oh, yeah!
400
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,428
Excuse me,
can you tell me where
I can find assault rifles?
401
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:13,518
Aisle six.
402
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,697
How about
a list of known
local homosexuals?
403
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:16,753
Aisle four.
404
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,756
Meg, you're doing a great job.
405
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,792
In fact, I'm promoting you
to assistant manager.
406
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:25,162
Really? Oh, my God!
Thank you so much.
407
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:29,400
Now,
your first responsibility
is to fire that employee.
408
00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:32,269
Boy, I'm a little chilly.
I hope no one notices.
409
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:36,907
But that's my dad.
410
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,577
What's more important to you,
your job or your family?
411
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:41,178
And don't pick the obvious one.
412
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,758
Oh, hey, guys.
I was just catching up
on some plunger nipples.
413
00:19:43,782 --> 00:19:45,515
Dad...
414
00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:48,052
Go on, Meg.
What are you waiting for?
415
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:55,526
Dad, I'm sorry
I have to say this,
416
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,761
but you're a fat-ass
417
00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:01,899
who's completely incapable of
performing the simplest tasks,
418
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:05,102
but you're also my father,
419
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:07,939
and you're the only one
I'll ever have,
420
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:11,108
so I'm not going to fire you.
421
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:13,377
Mr. Penisberg, I quit.
422
00:20:13,445 --> 00:20:14,712
Penisberg?
423
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,481
Yeah, yeah, get it
all out of your system.
424
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:21,084
Meg, that was
a wonderful thing
you just did for me.
425
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:24,855
I can't believe
this is coming out
of my mouth, but I love...
426
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:00,591
So you got a tank, big whoop.
427
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:01,892
Want to fight about it?
428
00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:25,049
Well, I'm glad
that Superstore USA is gone.
429
00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:26,850
That place was
nothing but trouble.
430
00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:28,364
And I think
we learned something.
431
00:21:28,388 --> 00:21:31,922
Any problem
caused by a tank
can be solved by a tank.
432
00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:34,625
Dad, you were about to
say something in the store.
433
00:21:34,693 --> 00:21:35,804
No, I don't think so.
434
00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:37,427
No, I'm sure of it.
435
00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:40,175
I don't know.
Something about
Hardcastle and McCormick?
436
00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:42,867
No, you were going to say
you love me.
437
00:21:42,935 --> 00:21:45,503
You love me, and you know it.
438
00:21:45,571 --> 00:21:47,771
Hey, hey, mouth, young lady.
439
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,119
Well, you think
you'll look for
another job, Meg?
440
00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:52,576
Meg!
441
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:53,922
Meg!
442
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:55,190
Meg!
443
00:21:55,214 --> 00:21:57,534
Uh-oh.
444
00:21:58,083 --> 00:21:59,416
Pardon me.
33765
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