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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,374
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:12,745
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:15,981
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:19,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,454
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:24,267
♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,957
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:30,796
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:38,270
We interrupt this program
with a special report.
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00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,872
Quahog is seeing its worst
flu epidemic in years,
12
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,075
due in part to a severe
shortage of flu shots.
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Let's go live toAsian flu correspondent,Tricia Takanawa, Tricia?
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00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,514
Diane, I'm...
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00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:54,191
Thank you, Tricia.We now return youto Robin, Boy Wonder.
16
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,055
Help!
Help us! Oh, my God!
17
00:00:57,124 --> 00:00:59,625
Hey,
don't worry. I'm here.
18
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:02,361
Robin? They sent you?
Yeah.
19
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:04,929
Everyone else was busy,
so they sent me.
20
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,276
What the hell are you gonna do?
21
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,333
You don't have any superpowers.
22
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,802
Uh, I got a cell phone.
23
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,105
Oh, no bars.
24
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,513
All right, who's next
for a flu shot?
25
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,526
Oh, that's me.
I'm Peter Griffin.
26
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,850
Mr. Griffin, these flu shots
are in short supply.
27
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,564
We need to save them
for the elderly.
Like these folks here.
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00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:29,787
Oh. Okay.
29
00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:31,935
Well, I guess I'll be
heading out then and...
30
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:34,960
Oh, look at that.
31
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,372
Oh, well, since it's
already in there,
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00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:39,063
you might as well push down
on the old plunger there.
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00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:40,665
You're a monster.
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00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:44,169
You know what was a monster?
Frampton Comes Alive, 1976.
35
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:46,604
Is there anyone you knew
who didn't have that record?
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00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:49,441
I don't think so. Bam!
All right, have a good winter.
37
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:52,044
Very well, Mr. Griffin,
you got your flu shot.
38
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,878
Now, if you'll just sign here.
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00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,591
Well, this is odd.
What?
40
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,215
Well, you're 42 years old
41
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,551
and it says here
you've never had
a prostate exam.
42
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,120
No, but I've had other exams.
Like that one in college.
43
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,390
Damn it, this is too hard!
44
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,493
Here's what I think
of your test, Mr. Teacher.
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00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:14,399
You just stood up to me.
Congratulations.
That was the test.
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00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:22,741
♪ Heaven helps the man
who fights his fear ♪
47
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:23,809
Yeah!
48
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,211
Okay, heart sounds good.
49
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:27,357
All right, Mr. Griffin,
50
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,624
I'm just going to need you
to drop your pants,
51
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,226
and we'll check your prostate.
52
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:31,549
Uh, what?
53
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,596
Drop your pants,
turn around,
and lean forward.
54
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,153
Um, okay.
55
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,312
So, how's this work,
you just feel my pulse or...
56
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,899
What the hell was that?
57
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,746
Mr. Griffin,
that's a prostate exam.
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00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,836
Shut up! You had
your finger in my ass!
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00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,039
That's how a prostate exam
is performed.
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00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,386
Now, if you'll
just let me...
Get away from me!
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00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,624
Ugh. Get a tan.
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00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,712
Peter, my God,
you look terrible.
What happened?
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00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,236
I was raped.
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00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:29,974
What?
Dr. Hartman violated me.
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00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,843
He took my innocence.
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00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:34,913
What?
67
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,850
Peter, that's a prostate exam.
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00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,831
It's an important part
of a physical
for men your age.
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00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,821
You sound just like him!
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00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:47,893
Fucking idiot.
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00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:55,701
Hey, Peter, buddy.
How about some TV, huh?
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00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:58,303
We now return to
Freddy Got Fingered.
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00:03:58,372 --> 00:03:59,804
Oh, God.
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00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:00,905
Ouch.
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00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,640
Oh, God.
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00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,687
Yellow Pages.
Let your fingers
do the walking.
77
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,881
Are we still going
to the baseball game?
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00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:12,269
Get that away from me, Chris.
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00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,154
Stop it, Meg.
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00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:25,230
Peter, I'm trying
to be supportive,
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00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:27,966
but after all, it was
just a prostate exam.
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00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:31,603
You weren't there, Lois.
You weren't there.
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00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:39,511
Who's that? Who are you?
Where's Peter? Where is he?
84
00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:43,180
You're a whore. Wear your
whore makeup, you whore.
85
00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:45,550
Is somebody in there?
Ocupado.
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00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:47,285
Filthy whore.
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00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,754
You're somebody's father,
you filthy whore.
88
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,458
Hi, sweetie.
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00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:56,295
Look at her staring.
What are you looking at, huh?
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00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:58,863
God, I should take her out
right here with these, man.
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00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,410
Oh, hey, Lois.
Oh, you like staring?
92
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:01,954
Oh, why don't I give you
a closer look?
93
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:05,270
Yeah, you want some of this,
Maury Po'bitch?
94
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,846
Oh, oh, what's that?
Oh, you come back
for more, huh?
95
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,709
I'd freaking drop her ass.
96
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,315
Oh, an unfamiliar dog.
97
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:20,129
Why don't you go away?
I don't want to
be your friend.
98
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,822
Rupert! Oh, dear God,
somebody help!
99
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:26,457
Rupert!
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00:05:29,362 --> 00:05:31,082
Give me that bear!
101
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:36,000
Oh, honey, I'm afraid
Rupert had a little injury.
102
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,470
Oh, Rupert, please live.
103
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:41,940
Please, I'll never be
short with you again.
We'll go away.
104
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,075
We'll go to Hawaii.
Would you like that?
105
00:05:44,143 --> 00:05:46,078
I always envisioned
how it would be.
106
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:56,454
I never knew there could be
such a thing as a perfect day.
107
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,190
Don't frolic too much, Rupert.
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00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,458
Save some energy
for the hula contest.
109
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,433
Stewie, I have
a surprise for you.
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00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,768
Good as new.
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00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:14,171
Rupert! It's really him.
I don't believe it.
112
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,440
You... You did this for me?
113
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,478
And to help you feel better,
I made your favorite dinner.
114
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:22,213
Cut green beans.
115
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:26,618
Atkins-friendly potato sticks
arranged according to size
from largest to smallest,
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00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:30,088
and a Scooby-Doo yogurt with
Shaggy's eyes scratched out.
117
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,524
Oh, it's perfect
down to the last detail.
118
00:06:32,592 --> 00:06:35,059
Lois, I was wrong about you.
119
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,962
You're...
You're my everything.
120
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,264
Mommy loves you, sweetheart.
121
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:44,135
Stewie loves Lois.
122
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,315
Brian loves Olympia Dukakis.
123
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:47,905
Oh, yeah, I do.
124
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:53,812
Peter, what's the matter
with you today?
You're not yourself.
125
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,882
Guys, I went to
Dr. Hartman yesterday,
126
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:00,618
and he did things to my fanny.
127
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,089
Peter, it's okay.
128
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,592
It's not okay.
You don't know
what it's like.
129
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,093
You're wrong.
130
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:13,898
I, too, have felt the
cold finger of injustice
on my insidey parts.
131
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,635
He... He did it to you, too?
132
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:21,105
I have something to say.
Dr. Hartman violated me,
as well.
133
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:24,108
I only went in there for
a physical/guinea pig removal,
134
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,243
but I turned out
to be the guinea pig
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00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:28,814
for his sexual experimentation.
136
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:31,516
You guys are a bunch of queers.
137
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:35,220
And so am I!
Oh, God, it was horrible!
138
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,500
I scrubbed,
and I scrubbed,
but damn it,
139
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:39,502
they don't make water
hot enough!
140
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:44,095
My God, we've all been victims
of Dr. Hartman's
"prostate exam."
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00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,431
Well, gentlemen,
the abuse stops here.
142
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,800
I will not turn
a brown eye to this.
143
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:51,836
I am going to sue that bastard
and make him pay out the ass.
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00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:55,974
No ifs, ands, or buts.
I'm going to be
really anal about this.
145
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:58,776
Sphincter.
146
00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:05,883
Good morning, Lois.
147
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:08,553
My, Stewie, you're in
a good mood today.
148
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:09,787
Well, why shouldn't I be?
149
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:12,156
You saved Rupert's life,
and I love you for it.
150
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:15,794
So, warn the villagers.
Here comes the cuddle monster.
151
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:22,367
Oh, Lois, your breasts
are great.
152
00:08:22,436 --> 00:08:24,736
Well, good morning,
Mr. Nipple.
153
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:27,839
Hey, there.
Must be cold in here.
154
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:31,120
What do you say
we move south
a little bit?
155
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:34,112
There we go.
Oh, you are so ready.
156
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,257
Peter, you're going
to sue Dr. Hartman?
157
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,864
You can't do that,
all he did was give you
a prostate exam.
158
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,988
Are you saying I asked
for this to happen?
159
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,734
You know, Dad, there's
this lawyer at the mall
160
00:08:45,758 --> 00:08:47,136
who says he'll take any case,
161
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,438
no matter how frivolous.
162
00:08:48,462 --> 00:08:51,696
Yeah, yeah, and they also
have an Orange Julius.
163
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,767
Just... Just trying to keep
the conversation going.
164
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,283
Well, whatever happens,
I'm not going to
stand for this.
165
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,340
Too many people
get away with injustice.
166
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:05,710
Like the folks you meet
in those Louisiana swamps.
167
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:08,179
Excuse me, do you know
how to get to town?
168
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,568
Yeah, it's back
the way you came.
169
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,886
I love you, Lois.
You know that, right?
170
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,367
Just in case,
I'll say it again.
I love you.
171
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:22,326
Oh, you are just
so cute, sweetie.
Look at that little foot.
172
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,728
I'm gonna eat that foot.
173
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:25,775
Give me that foot,
it looks delicious.
174
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:27,743
Don't... Don't eat
my foot. Oh, God.
175
00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:31,702
Oh, it is so hard
to find funny women,
and you are hilarious.
176
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:33,938
Oh, you're like
a female Bonnie Hunt.
177
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:35,339
Sit right there, honey.
178
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,209
Mommy will go get Rupert
so he can eat with you.
179
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:40,111
Oh, God. Thoughtful.
180
00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:42,091
Oh, hey, Lois,
I made coffee
if you want some.
181
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:45,783
Oh, thank you, Brian.
That'd be nice.
182
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:48,219
Hey, Brian, listen,
I've got a favor to ask.
183
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,520
Could you...
184
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,834
Could you not
talk to Lois anymore?
What?
185
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,636
You know, it's just I'm tired
of you hitting on her.
186
00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:54,660
That's all.
187
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:55,968
It's... I mean,
it's not cool.
188
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,329
I was just making coffee.
I didn't hit on her.
189
00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,598
Besides, Lois is my friend.
190
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:00,810
I'll do whatever
the hell I want.
191
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,300
I'm asking you nicely, Brian.
192
00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:03,780
Stop hitting on her.
That's ridiculous.
193
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:04,914
I see the way you look at her...
194
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,348
Just 'cause you're
a mama's boy...
195
00:10:06,372 --> 00:10:07,550
stop!
Lois is my queen, man.
196
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,251
Kissing up to her,
monopolizing her...
197
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:12,055
Keep hitting on my woman...
You know what, fine!
I do hit on Lois!
198
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,979
And another... What?
199
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:17,515
Sorry, I fell asleep watching
Sabado Gigante last night.
200
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,770
Lois, you know what
we should do right now?
201
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,061
We should play restaurant
with my Play-Doh.
202
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,829
I'll make you a hamburger.
203
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,264
Perhaps I'll make it blue.
204
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,178
Oh, can you imagine
such a world?
205
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:39,037
Uh, Stewie, I love you,
but you're wearing Mommy out.
206
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,404
Now, it's time for bed.
207
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:43,441
Hey, Lois,
I have a secret for you.
208
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,943
You're awesome.
209
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:48,813
Our top story, a local woman
loses her sex drive
210
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,783
after a $125 dinner
at Alfredo's.
211
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:54,252
But first in medical news,
Dr. Elmer Hartman,
212
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,465
beloved family doctor
to all of Quahog,
213
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,767
is the target of
a molestation lawsuit.
214
00:10:58,791 --> 00:11:00,591
The trial is set
to begin tomorrow.
215
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:03,695
We now return you to
Native American
What's Happening!!
216
00:11:03,763 --> 00:11:05,930
Hey, Rerun, you see Dwayne?
217
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,165
Not today.
218
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,633
Oh, here he come.
219
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,167
How, how, how.
220
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,436
Peter, I don't know
how much more I can take.
221
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:14,317
Stewie used to be
so independent,
222
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,907
but now he just clings to me
night and day.
223
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:18,276
I'm exhausted.
224
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,712
Oh, look at me, I'm Lois.
The sun revolves around me.
225
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,725
I'm the one who's got to go
to court tomorrow.
226
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:26,217
Peter, isn't there anything
I can do to talk you
out of this lawsuit?
227
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:29,587
Hey, I was violated sexually,
and that man is going to pay.
228
00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:30,988
And I suppose it wouldn't matter
229
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:32,690
if I told you for the 50th time
230
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:36,093
that it's a legitimate
medical procedure
to test for cancer.
231
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:37,194
Lois?
232
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:43,901
Lois? Lois?
Lois? Lois? Lois?
233
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:47,205
Mom? Mom? Mom?
234
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:50,541
Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?
235
00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:53,878
Mama? Mama? Mama?
236
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:58,549
Ma? Ma? Ma? Ma?
237
00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:02,820
Mum? Mum? Mum? Mum?
238
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:07,591
Mummy? Mummy?
Mama? Mama? Mama?
239
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:08,893
What?
240
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:09,962
Hi.
241
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:18,436
Is it not true that you
went to see Dr. Hartman
for a simple prostate exam?
242
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,416
No, I went for a flu shot.
243
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,817
At first, I thought he was nice
244
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,452
and that he was
kind of handsome.
245
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,577
I trusted him, and then
he told me to bend over.
246
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:33,518
And then, I just felt
like something was wrong.
247
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:46,063
I tried to get him to stop,
but he kept saying,
"Relax, I'm a doctor."
248
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,877
This is ridiculous.
That never happened.
249
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,367
Sit down, you rapist!
250
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,635
Oh, I'm sorry.
251
00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:52,482
I'm supposed to wait
until I've heard everything.
252
00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:53,671
Go ahead, Mr. Griffin.
253
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:56,140
And that's when things got bad.
254
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,451
He made me feel so dirty.
255
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:14,725
Relax, I'm a doctor.
256
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,114
Your Honor, I can't believe
you're even listening to this.
257
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,815
For God's sake,
you're a patient of mine.
258
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:29,474
I gave you a prostate exam
last year, don't you remember?
259
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:32,677
Come to think of it,
I remember it as
a pretty standard exam.
260
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,112
Are you sure, Judge?
261
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,592
Are you sure it wasn't
all evil and grainy
and black and white?
262
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:37,848
Think about it.
263
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:47,425
Relax.
I be a doctor.
264
00:13:50,897 --> 00:13:53,164
Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty!
265
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,667
Dr. Hartman,
your medical license
is hereby revoked.
266
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,536
That's outrageous!
267
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:02,106
God, I've looked forward
to this moment more than
the second coming of Jesus.
268
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,319
Okay, everybody,
269
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,187
I know you were expecting
something else,
270
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:08,913
but as science will tell you,
people were a lot shorter
2,000 years ago,
271
00:14:08,981 --> 00:14:10,993
so let's try to be
adult about this.
272
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,561
Uh, no snickering and...
273
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,586
Hey, that's exactly
what I'm talking about.
274
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,456
Okay, so if we can all be
mature... Give me the gum.
275
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,624
We can all get through this
a lot faster.
276
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:25,196
I have so much fun
when we hang out, Lois,
277
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:26,598
and I love your hair.
278
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:28,833
We should make up a name
for your hair color.
279
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:33,037
We could call it, like,
strawberry sunset
or ginger maiden,
280
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:35,184
or one of those hair color names
281
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,909
that's a random noun,
like temptress.
282
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:40,811
Oh, at some point,
you have to let me braid it!
283
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,680
Lois, what are you doing?
284
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:52,590
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
What's happening to me?
285
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,225
I'm like that Texas woman
who gave her son brain damage
286
00:14:55,294 --> 00:14:57,361
by holding him underwater.
287
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,731
I'm just like Barbara Bush!
288
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:06,804
Brian, what kind of a mother
has homicidal thoughts
289
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,405
about her own baby?
290
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:09,974
I'm a horrible person.
291
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:11,342
Lois, you're just exhausted.
292
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:12,977
Somehow,
you've got to break Stewie
293
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,745
of this new
overdependence on you.
294
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,880
Well, it's worth a try.
295
00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:19,128
Lois, I've got
a surprise for you.
296
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:22,586
You and I are going
to see Eddie Money!
297
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:25,957
Two tickets,
won them on the radio.
We're gonna have a ball.
298
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:27,825
God, he's like
a totally different person.
299
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:29,627
Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Sulu.
300
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:35,166
Oh, no, I never should have
drank those chemicals.
301
00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:37,701
Hello.
302
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:44,341
Peter, congratulations on
taking down that monster,
Dr. Hartman.
303
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,389
Yeah, what'd you do
with your pain and
suffering money?
304
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,212
I got collagen.
305
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,548
Hey, Lois, want to make out?
306
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:54,451
Yeah. What do you think
of new sexy-lips Peter?
307
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,822
Yeah. This is your life
from now on.
308
00:15:57,891 --> 00:15:59,890
Enjoy it, lucky wife.
309
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,725
I tell you, boys,
this is a victory
310
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,694
not just for my anus,
but for anuses...
311
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:04,963
Oh, hang on, I got to go pee.
312
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,010
That's a lot better.
So, anyway, this is a...
313
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,074
Oh, I got to take a leak.
314
00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:11,735
There we go.
Oh, pee time.
315
00:16:13,907 --> 00:16:16,741
Peter, you're urinating
unusually frequently.
316
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:17,875
Yeah, what gives?
317
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:20,377
If it's gale-force peeing
you be doing,
318
00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:23,447
it could mean you've got
barnacles on your prostate.
319
00:16:23,515 --> 00:16:26,116
Best have sick bay
check below your decks.
320
00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:29,587
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me
I need a prostate exam?
321
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,690
Aye, and soon, before your
rudder jams with flotsam,
322
00:16:32,758 --> 00:16:35,859
and you're dropping anchor
without an order
from the Captain.
323
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:38,007
How're you liking
all these nautical puns?
Cute.
324
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,608
Not bad.
Somewhat entertaining.
325
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:41,510
My God, I'd better see a doctor.
326
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:44,836
But no doctor in town will
see you after that lawsuit.
327
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:47,271
Well, then, I'll just
find a doctor out of town.
328
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,340
Listen, I know I'm not
a regular patient,
329
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:51,875
but I think I have some
trouble with my prostate.
330
00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:53,711
So can you help me out,
Dr. McCoy?
331
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,424
What, so you can sue me, too?
332
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:56,981
Oh, come on,
it'll only take a sec.
333
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,795
Forget it.
I'm a doctor,
not a patsy.
334
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,118
Hello.
335
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,568
Lois, what are you doing?
I want to sleep in your bed.
336
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:09,393
Oh, good night, honey.
I love you.
337
00:17:09,462 --> 00:17:11,462
This is for your own good.
338
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,430
Lois, where are you going?
339
00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:16,533
Lois? Lois?
Lois, answer me!
340
00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:19,248
Damn you, I will
not be ignored!
Get back in here!
341
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,506
Get back in here and love me!
342
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,476
Lois!
343
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,180
Maybe I should go in.
He's so upset.
344
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,726
He's just being melodramatic.
345
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,462
You've got to ignore it
if you really want
to help him.
346
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:34,785
Are you flexing?
347
00:17:34,853 --> 00:17:39,156
What, me? No.
Why would I be flexing?
348
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,303
I mean, I have sort of
been hitting the gym,
349
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:43,828
so if you wanted to
see how it's going...
350
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,699
What am I going to do, Seamus?
351
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:52,003
Dr. Hartman is my only hope,
and there's no way
he's going to see me.
352
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,915
Well, you best come up
with something, Peter.
353
00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:56,574
Otherwise, this will
happen to your prostate.
354
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:02,513
You just carry a picture
of a diseased prostate
around with you?
355
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,926
Never know when it's
going to come up
in conversation,
356
00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:07,317
and then who's the one
who's prepared?
357
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,197
I've also got a map
of Middle-earth,
358
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:13,223
a cat doing a pull-up,
and the guys from Primus.
359
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:15,136
These poster jokes
doing anything for you?
360
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,161
Eh, hit and miss.
We should hang out more.
361
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,232
I need her love.
I need her love,
and she's ignoring me.
362
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:24,301
Well, let's see her
try to ignore this.
363
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,340
Lois, help!
364
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:34,978
I ate this whole jar of pills
that look like candy
and now I feel sick.
365
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,113
You look like a jackass.
366
00:18:36,182 --> 00:18:37,659
Can't hear you, Brian.
I'm dead.
367
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,016
All right.
368
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:43,955
What did you do?
369
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,292
Oh, that is so not cool.
370
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:53,597
Mommy,
I'm dying! I'm dying!
371
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,099
I said I'm dying!
372
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,234
Hey, I'm dying up here.
373
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,114
What is this?
A Tommy Lee pool party?
374
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,449
Come on, Lois, get with...
375
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:07,978
Ow!
376
00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,581
Oh, my God. Stewie,
are you all right?
377
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:12,917
Oh, my sweet baby.
378
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,552
And to think I ignored
your cries for attention.
379
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:18,489
I'm so sorry, honey.
Never again, Stewie.
380
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:20,918
I'm going to give you
all the love
you could ever want.
381
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:26,597
Forget it, you neglectful,
swag-bellied measle.
382
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,243
You had your chance
and you blew it.
383
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:29,533
Well, now you're too late.
384
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:32,514
I hope they charge you
with child abuse
for my broken arm.
385
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:35,584
I'll testify against you,
just like I did against
Michael Jackson.
386
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,909
Stewie, did Mr. Jackson behave
inappropriately toward you?
387
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,412
Well, yes, but the worst part
was he never called back.
388
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:46,817
No, but in all seriousness,
yeah, he was actually
pretty aggressive.
389
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,889
Package for Dr. Hartman.
390
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,269
All right, where's the package?
391
00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:55,860
Here it is.
392
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:59,163
So why don't you go ahead
and open it up and
reach on in there?
393
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:00,697
It's probably cookies
or something.
394
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:03,212
Wait a minute,
there's something
strange about this.
395
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,013
I wasn't expecting any package.
396
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,170
Who are you? Griffin!
397
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:08,839
You got to help me,
Dr. Hartman.
398
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,453
I think there may
actually be something
wrong with my prostate.
399
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:14,356
Well, don't look at me.
I lost my license,
thanks to you.
400
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,714
Look, I know
what I did was wrong,
401
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,916
but you're the only one
I can turn to.
402
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,384
So, I'm asking you,
403
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:23,320
as a man with no more options,
404
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,333
will you take a look in my ass?
405
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,091
Despite everything
that's happened,
406
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,395
I suppose I can't ignore
my Hippocratic oath.
407
00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:32,796
All right, drop your pants.
408
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:37,501
Oh, well, this is nothing,
just a little swelling.
409
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,069
Probably a minor infection.
410
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:41,004
Looks like
there's some blockage.
411
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:42,339
What the devil is that?
412
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:43,708
Hello.
413
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:52,015
Dr. Hartman, your license
is hereby reinstated.
414
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,920
Oh, I'm so glad you two
worked things out.
415
00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:58,456
And to think I actually
thought you raped me.
416
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:00,691
Well, I was going to,
but you ran out of the room.
417
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:01,859
What?
418
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:02,968
Ah!
419
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:04,161
Ah!
420
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:18,775
Family Guy
was recorded on tape
before a live audience.
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