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1
00:00:03,786 --> 00:00:05,092
KING:
Where in the...?
2
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:07,050
No, I'm sure it was...
3
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:09,748
I swear, if that girl...
4
00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:11,272
Lanaluakalani!
5
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,882
LANA:
Yes, Father?
6
00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:15,319
Come in here this very instant!
7
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:18,105
I tell you,
this is the last straw!
8
00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:20,759
-Pff.
-Do not "pff" me, woman!
9
00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:23,414
-[scoffs]
-That child of yours
has gone too far!
10
00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:27,114
I tell you, this time,
I shall really punish her!
11
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:28,419
[Lana clears throat]
12
00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:31,118
-You called, Father?
-Where is it?!
13
00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:33,990
-Where is what?
-The map... to the sacred tupua!
14
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,297
-Tupua?
-Oka atua,
15
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:38,081
do not play dumb with me!
16
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:41,084
You know exactly
what I am talking about, child.
17
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:43,913
Now where is it?!
18
00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:45,523
I'm sure I don't know.
19
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:48,352
And why would anyone want a map
to some moldy old statue?
20
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:50,311
Because of its magical powers.
21
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,878
Oh, that's just
a silly native legend.
22
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:55,533
Do you even...?
We're natives!
23
00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:57,187
You know what I mean.
24
00:00:57,231 --> 00:00:59,102
I know what you thinkI mean.
25
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,104
I mean I...
[groans softly]
26
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,498
You know what I think?!
27
00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:07,110
I think you made some sort
of deal with this ese mai fafo,
28
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:08,155
the German.
29
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:09,939
-What?!
-Yes.
30
00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:13,682
And I think,
in your profound ignorance
31
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:15,727
of the awesome power
of the tupua,
32
00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:18,991
-you gave him the map!
-What?
33
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:22,256
In exchange for enough money
to go live among the papalangi
34
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:25,259
in New York City again
and open another...
35
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,130
What was it?
36
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,045
-Failed art gallery?
-Oh, come on!
37
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,743
There was this little thing
called The Great Depression!
38
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:34,268
Well, and you don't know
anything about art.
39
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:35,573
I do so!
40
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,314
[chuckling]:
Oh, please.
41
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:40,187
You thought the Dutch Masters
were just a kind of cigar.
42
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:43,233
-[gasps] I told you that
in confidence!
-[scoffs]
43
00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:44,582
You have raised a fool!
44
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:47,150
Because the tupuais a legend
for a reason,
45
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:49,544
and you have no idea
of its power!
46
00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:53,200
And once that German snake
finds it, he will be long gone,
47
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:56,203
so I hope at least
he paid you in advance!
48
00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:57,726
[clears throat]
49
00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,684
Excuse me.
50
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:04,254
Stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid!
51
00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,517
Well, if that sneaky
little schnitzel thinks
52
00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:08,563
he's gonna flimflam
Princess Lanaluakalani,
53
00:02:08,606 --> 00:02:10,217
he has got another thing...
[gasps]
54
00:02:14,438 --> 00:02:16,919
[screaming]
55
00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:20,444
Are you out of your mind?!
56
00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:22,446
-Sacrebleu!
-Oh!
57
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:23,795
[all groaning]
58
00:02:23,839 --> 00:02:26,363
What the hell is the matter
with you people?
59
00:02:26,407 --> 00:02:29,540
Ow! Well, I,
for one, am starving,
60
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:33,544
so please tell me
you have oysters.
61
00:02:33,588 --> 00:02:35,590
♪
62
00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:15,151
[steam hissing]
63
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,241
MALORY: Who the hell taught you
how to drive?!
64
00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:20,722
Me? Who the hell taught him
how to drive?
65
00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:23,464
-[clears throat]
-MALORY: Oh, for the...
66
00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:26,467
And where the hell were you
going in such a hurry?
67
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:29,383
None of your beeswax.
Wait. Where were you going?
68
00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:31,472
-None of...
-We're searching
for a sacred idol.
69
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:33,256
-What?!
-Goddamn it!
70
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,258
No, you can't.
I... forbid it!
71
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,521
-Excuse me?
-I forbid it.
72
00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:39,480
As princess,
I forbid the looting
73
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:44,528
of Mitimotu's cultural artifacts
by you, you... Europeans!
74
00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:45,964
[quietly]:
Code for "white."
75
00:03:46,008 --> 00:03:47,401
And what of it?
76
00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:49,316
And what color
are your Germans, huh?
77
00:03:49,359 --> 00:03:51,666
-[gasps] Damn it, the Germans.
-[engine starts]
78
00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,537
-Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Hey. Whoa, whoa.
79
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,278
Where do you think
you're going?
80
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:56,845
To beat the Germans to the idol.
81
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:59,151
No, we are gonna
beat Archer to it.
82
00:03:59,195 --> 00:04:02,198
-Archer?!
-Yes. So get in line, sister.
83
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,374
Oh, I'm at the head of it.
84
00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:06,942
Why you little...
Do something!
85
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:09,858
I, uh...
commandeer this véhicule!
86
00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:12,643
[laughs]
You what?
87
00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:14,471
[gasps loudly]
88
00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:17,257
[monkeys hooting]
89
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:23,132
[monkey screaming]
90
00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,699
-[cheering, laughing]
-Woohoo!
91
00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:26,222
All right! Enough fun.
92
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,745
Now back to business.
93
00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:29,660
[laughs] Ja,
shooting those damn cannibals.
94
00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:31,183
Remember, you promised we could.
95
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:32,707
Don't worry, men.
96
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,536
We will kill anyone who dares
to interfere with our mission
97
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:38,408
to bring the ultimate power
to the Fatherland!
98
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:39,757
-Yeah!
-[laughing, cheering]
99
00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:42,543
♪ It's a long way to Tipperary
100
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:45,502
♪ It's a long way to go...
101
00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:48,026
[monkey chittering]
102
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,814
[chittering softly]
103
00:05:01,039 --> 00:05:03,564
[screaming]
104
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:07,568
All right, already. Come on!
We don't need all this junk.
105
00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:09,134
That crate is just gin.
106
00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:12,224
And vermouth.
Now move it, big boy.
107
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,792
We can't let Sterling beat us
to that damn idol.
108
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,359
-[squawks]
-[all gasp]
109
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,796
-That won't be too hard.
-Goddamn it, bird!
110
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,581
Because he's stuck
in quicksand!
111
00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:21,364
-What? Where?
-Really?!
112
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,192
Quicksand. Pam, too.
113
00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:25,586
And I don't know
how much time they have left.
114
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,588
-Before...?
-They die!
115
00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:30,286
Do you think it's enough time
for us to toodle on over,
116
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,419
grab the idol, and then
come back and save them?
117
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:35,509
-No!
-Don't get chippy with me, bird!
118
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,380
I'm with her.
First we secure the idol,
119
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:39,817
-and then we can rescue them.
-Exactly.
120
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:43,821
For the love of God, woman!
Your son... is going... to die!
121
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:46,476
Oh, all right.
122
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,739
Take us to the damn quicksand.
123
00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:51,655
But I'll bet you dollars to
donuts, they've already escaped,
124
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:54,397
found the idol,
and are just yucking it up!
125
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:01,665
[Pam inhales sharply]
126
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:04,015
Don't! Don't say a word.
127
00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:06,583
I'm mad enough at you as it is.
128
00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:12,850
I was gonna say I wonder
what I'm gonna taste like.
129
00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:15,462
[Archer groans]
130
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:23,121
[children giggling]
131
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:28,039
'Cause this whole crazy thing's
kind of got me thinking
132
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:31,652
about if I'd ever, you know,
like, eat a person.
133
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:33,305
And not
in a starvation-type deal,
134
00:06:33,349 --> 00:06:34,872
like the Donner Party
or whatever.
135
00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:36,483
-That goes without saying.
-[rhythmic thwacking]
136
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,659
Your fat white ass
is pioneer jerky.
137
00:06:38,702 --> 00:06:41,662
I'm talking about
where you voluntarily eat a guy
138
00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:44,665
like he's just damn dinner.
Or a woman.
139
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:47,276
Ooh, or a teenage girl.
140
00:06:47,319 --> 00:06:48,669
But I wouldn't want her
to get killed
141
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,671
just so I could eat her,
so maybe... I don't know.
142
00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:51,889
What if it was one
of these native girl's
143
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:53,456
confirmation or whatever?
144
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:56,024
So she gets a ceremonial bath,
scrubbed head to toe,
145
00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:58,243
and then her whole body
gets shaved.
146
00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,028
-Why...?
-Shut up. Let me finish.
147
00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:02,030
But then,
on the way to the ceremony,
148
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:03,814
this tender,
hairless young thing
149
00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:06,251
has a massive
yet painless brain aneurysm
150
00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:08,732
and falls into a vat
of braising liquid.
151
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:10,517
-Why the hell would...
-[man laughs]
152
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,257
-MAN: Wow!
-What the...?
-Huh?
153
00:07:12,301 --> 00:07:14,346
You just described,
almost word for word,
154
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:17,349
what's gonna happen to you guys
over the next two days.
155
00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:19,351
I mean,
is that goose bumps or what?
156
00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:21,353
-Who...?
-E-Except for the aneurysm.
157
00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:23,573
-Who the hell are you?
-I'm Noah.
158
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:25,575
Besso ekla baht!
[laughs]
159
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,359
Ek eklan oki.
160
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,144
Wait, you speak their language?
161
00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:31,494
Uh, yeah, I should hope so.
162
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,540
I mean, I've been here
almost four years now, so...
163
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:34,715
Four years?
164
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,543
So there's no way to escape?
165
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,545
Um... Well, I suppose, I...
166
00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:39,546
Well, there's probably...
167
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:41,548
Oh, gosh. I mean...
168
00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:43,201
-I don't know.
-What do you mean
169
00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:45,203
you don't know, idiot?
Haven't you even tried?
170
00:07:45,247 --> 00:07:47,771
[chuckles]: Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm not their captive.
171
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:50,774
I'm doing my doctoral
dissertation on the Mua Mua.
172
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:51,993
I'm an anthropologist.
173
00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:54,778
-Wh... A spider scientist?
-What?
174
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:55,997
That's an arachnologist.
175
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,999
-Like you would know!
-No, no, it is.
176
00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,566
An anthropologist...
177
00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:01,219
I know
what an anthropologist is.
178
00:08:01,263 --> 00:08:02,786
-No, he doesn't.
-Nobody does!
179
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:05,006
An anthropologist studies
human beings
180
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:06,573
and their societies
and cultures.
181
00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:08,575
The Mua Mua, for example...
182
00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:09,706
Zakila gizona.
183
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,665
-Ek ezan oki!
-[laughter]
184
00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:13,144
Are assholes.
185
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,929
Yeah, right?
So then how 'bout it, man?
186
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,800
-Help us escape.
-Yeah.
187
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:18,672
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I couldn't do that.
188
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:21,239
I-I'm here to document.
I can't interfere.
189
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:24,242
-What?
-Even after they ate
your goddamn arm?
190
00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:26,157
Oh. Yeah.
191
00:08:26,201 --> 00:08:28,682
-Man, that was really...
-Eggelak!
192
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,031
-[laughter]
-Dongay emakume!
193
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:31,815
What is she saying?
194
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:34,035
[sighs]
That I taste like chicken.
195
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:36,603
Which, to them,
is, like, the worst.
196
00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:38,474
[conch blowing]
197
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,781
-What the...?
-What's that?
-Oh.
198
00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:42,434
Uh, okay. Uh, well, I got to go.
199
00:08:42,478 --> 00:08:44,567
Uh, maybe I'll see you guys
later or maybe not.
200
00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,003
-Okay, bye!
-Wait,
201
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:48,266
-what was that?!
-NOAH: Nothing!
202
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,661
I think it wassomething.
203
00:08:51,705 --> 00:08:53,358
-No shit.
-Yep.
204
00:08:53,402 --> 00:08:55,360
Well, if we get out
of this alive somehow,
205
00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:57,928
we should definitely open
a detective agency.
206
00:08:57,972 --> 00:09:00,365
Ooh!
207
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:03,151
Aw, damn, but we're not getting
out alive, huh?
208
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,631
-Nope.
-[sighs]
209
00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:06,197
MALORY:
Well?
210
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:07,721
Where the hell are they, bird?
211
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,287
I-I don't get it.
212
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,072
They were right here,
up to their necks in it!
213
00:09:11,115 --> 00:09:12,639
I ought to wring yourneck!
214
00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,075
This was all just a ruse.
215
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:15,990
-What? A ruse?
-Oh, come on.
-A ruse?
216
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,731
He set me up!
217
00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:20,255
This mite-riddled bird's
just stalling us
218
00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:22,431
so that Sterling can get
to the idol first.
219
00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:23,693
-Damn it, bird!
-Seriously?
-No!
220
00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:25,869
Whoa! First of all,
I am...
221
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:28,480
almost mite-free.
And, B,
222
00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:30,744
I swear,
they were right here.
223
00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,746
Oh, go eat worms.
Come on, Reynaud,
224
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,748
we can still beat him
if we hurry.
225
00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:38,708
Look, there's boot prints
coming up out of the quicksand.
226
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,101
-Really?
-No!
-Ah, yes!
227
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:42,886
[gasps] And here's
another set of boot prints.
228
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:44,105
And over there, there...
229
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:46,629
there's all these different
sets of bare footprints.
230
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,197
Pretty muscular,
by the looks of them.
231
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:50,807
-KRIEGER: Muscular?
-And here,
232
00:09:50,851 --> 00:09:53,680
this trail is two
barefoot men,
233
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:55,420
carrying a load between them,
234
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:56,900
probably on, like,
a pole or something.
235
00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:58,641
See, they're, like,
six feet apart.
236
00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:01,252
-That's about the size of a man.
-Or a party sub.
237
00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:03,428
-Look, can we just...
-Shut up!
238
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:06,475
-Do you think it was...?
-Yes! It was clearly Archer.
239
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:07,911
And then here's a trail
of four men
240
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:10,653
carrying a much,
much heavier load.
241
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:12,046
Ooh, which I bet was Pam.
242
00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:15,658
Mon dieu,can it be
les cannibales?
243
00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:17,529
[gasps]
Oh, my God.
244
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:19,314
Well, but since they're
out of the quicksand...
245
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,098
And about to be eaten!
246
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:23,318
We have to follow this trail
and rescue them.
247
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:25,233
LANA:
No. No, no. Uh-uh.
248
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:27,539
As your princess, I demand
we get the idol first.
249
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:29,454
MALORY:
As whose princess?
250
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,499
-CHERYL: Yeah, right?
-RAY: Exactement!
251
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,762
Et tu, Doudou?
252
00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,895
So we're just gonna go
gallivanting
253
00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:38,507
through this deadly jungle
because this dodo says
254
00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:39,682
she can see a trail?
255
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,032
Do you seriously not?
It's so obvious.
256
00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:43,120
MALORY:
Then let's go.
257
00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:45,645
Come on, Lady Baltimore.
258
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:52,826
CHERYL: Ew, look!
This guy has ringworm.
259
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:54,697
PAM: So, where do you think
everybody went?
260
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,568
Who knows?
Probably taking a vote
261
00:10:56,612 --> 00:10:58,875
-on what sides to serve us with.
-Ooh...
262
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,921
But I'm not sticking around
to find out.
263
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,705
Well, unless you know
something I don't...
264
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,141
What, besides everything?
265
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:06,491
-Oh, hardy-har.
-[laughs]
266
00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:08,929
Including, look, there's a piece
of, uh, whatchamacallit.
267
00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,147
Ob-Obsidian.
268
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:11,975
-So?
-So we can cut the ropes
269
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:12,846
with it, dummy.
270
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:16,806
If I can just scrooch
down the pole, I can...
271
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:19,069
-Get a splinter in your ass?
-I'm not gonna get a--
272
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:21,332
[gasps]
273
00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:22,986
-Goddamn it.
-[laughing]
274
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:25,728
We'll see how funny...
you think it is
275
00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,991
when I leave you here.
276
00:11:28,035 --> 00:11:29,123
[chuckles]:
Oh...
277
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:30,864
Does that mean
we're not getting married?
278
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:32,648
You know, first of all,
that was...
279
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,606
I just wanted you
to die happy.
280
00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:35,738
Ha!
281
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,871
And, two, I'm about this close
282
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:39,829
to getting
a new goddamn sidekick.
283
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,309
How is this Crackers's fault?
284
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,224
Wha-- Not Crackers! You.
285
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:46,009
You think I'mthe sidekick?
286
00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,142
-Yes, Lennie!
-[gasps]
287
00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:49,578
Well?
288
00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:51,449
Cut me loose.
289
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:54,626
I will, but only because
I choose to.
290
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,672
Well, bully for you.
291
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,326
And, while you're at it,
292
00:11:58,369 --> 00:12:00,763
you can leave one hand
tied behind my back.
293
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,765
-Why?
-So I can whip your ass fairly.
294
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:05,333
Oh, my God,
you are such a Lennie.
295
00:12:05,376 --> 00:12:07,639
Well, if we get out
of this bullshit...
296
00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:09,598
If we do,
it's only because I unleashed
297
00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:10,991
the power of obsidian.
298
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:14,255
You won't have old Pam
to kick around anymore because--
299
00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:17,867
Shh. Stop. Stop it.
Stop cutting.
300
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:19,564
-What?
-[clears throat]
301
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:22,263
Is your dick hard?
302
00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:23,830
No.
303
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:28,878
Then what... is touching...
my ass?
304
00:12:28,922 --> 00:12:30,401
-Also nothing.
-Oh, for the--
305
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:31,620
Ew!
306
00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:33,143
-No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait.
-Dude,
307
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:34,710
that is a hard dick.
308
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:35,842
It's not that hard.
309
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:36,973
Oh, please.
310
00:12:37,017 --> 00:12:38,670
I bet it hasn't been that hard
311
00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:40,934
since the time the Army
checked you for a hernia.
312
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,457
I told you that
in confidence.
313
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,415
Yeah, well,
I ain't your priest.
314
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:45,939
[laughing]
315
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:47,592
Speaking of hard dicks...
316
00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:50,160
[gasps] I also told you that
in confidence!
317
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:52,902
[laughing]
318
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,995
ARCHER: Oh, don't flatter
yourself, it was just a reflex.
319
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,518
PAM:
Uh-huh.
320
00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:02,303
An involuntary
biological response
321
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,087
to physical and visual stimuli.
322
00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:06,960
Well, then I hope
to God this helps.
323
00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:08,483
Ka-kow.
324
00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:10,093
[chuckling]:
Yeah, that's... wait.
325
00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,835
-What's the opposite of stimuli?
-That.
326
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:15,055
It's not supposed to be sexy,
it's protective.
327
00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:16,491
In case there's thorns.
328
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:18,536
[chuckling]:
Okay, Master Coconut.
329
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:19,842
Nobody gets that.
330
00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:21,104
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
331
00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,279
What do you think you're doing?
332
00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:23,628
Making piña coladas.
333
00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:25,282
What the hell's it look
like we're doing?
334
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,981
I-I genuinely don't know.
335
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:28,982
We're escaping.
336
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:30,722
Wait, what? No. No, you can't.
337
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:31,941
I'll be punished.
338
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:33,856
Not if you're dead.
339
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,423
[chuckling]:
Well, you say that...
340
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:37,294
Hey, buddy, no shit,
she will kill you
341
00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:39,340
-like an innocent baby rabbit.
-Goddamn it.
342
00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:40,907
So what's the best way
out of here?
343
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:42,996
[conch blowing]
344
00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:45,302
Well, that's the thing,
there isn't one now.
345
00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:47,522
The conch is telling
the Mua Mua warriors
346
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,089
to prepare for battle.
347
00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:50,264
-What, why?
-Well, apparently,
348
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:52,135
a scout saw another group
of warriors
349
00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:53,441
headed toward the village.
350
00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:55,443
What other warriors?
351
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:59,142
I swear to God, if those
cannibals don't have a bar,
352
00:13:59,186 --> 00:14:01,449
I may literally die.
353
00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:03,103
Oh, my God, and an oyster bar.
354
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:04,321
I can pretty much guarantee
355
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,019
they don't have
either of those things.
356
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:08,543
[sighs]
Savages.
357
00:14:08,586 --> 00:14:10,023
ARCHER: Well, you two idiots
can stick around
358
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:11,938
to find out and then get eaten,
359
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,288
but I'm gonna go find
that goddamn idol.
360
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:15,942
Wait. What idol?
361
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:17,465
You mean the tupua?
362
00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,119
Whatever it's called, I...
363
00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:20,555
How do you know where it is?
364
00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:22,122
We got a map.
365
00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:24,689
-Whoa.
-A secret map, that is a secret.
366
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,735
-[scoffs] Who's he gonna tell?
-Oh, man.
367
00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:29,999
The tupuawould be
the greatest archaeological find
368
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:32,828
of the-the... well, probably
just the past couple of years,
369
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,134
but still.
370
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,265
Still what? You're not coming.
371
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:38,051
Oh, come on,
I-I know the jungle.
372
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,574
-No.
-I-I can read
373
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,837
any native petroglyphs
we might find.
374
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,752
-No, I said.
-I know how to get past
all the giant boulders
375
00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:45,841
and poison darts and stuff.
376
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:48,975
The... do what, now?
377
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:51,020
-Yeah, do huh?
-[laughing]: Oh, man.
378
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:53,196
Yeah, the legends all say
the tupuais hidden
379
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,981
deep inside a labyrinth
of shafts and tunnels,
380
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:57,635
just packed
with deadly booby traps.
381
00:14:57,679 --> 00:15:00,638
-So...
-That's why you got to know
your petroglyphs.
382
00:15:00,682 --> 00:15:03,206
Okay, change of plans,
you're coming with us.
383
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:04,077
Yeah!
384
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,079
Oh, wait, h-hang on. Hang on.
385
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:09,952
I-I don't, I don't have to wear
one of those, do I?
386
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:13,086
MALORY: And can we stop
and rest a while?
387
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:15,088
I think my electrolyte
levels are low.
388
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:17,307
-[coughs] Gin levels.
-Also.
389
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,614
No, I think we're getting close
to a village or something.
390
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,746
Look, there's a ton
of footprints around here.
391
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,792
[all gasping, moaning]
392
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:26,099
Plus, this?
393
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:28,231
[sighs]
394
00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:31,191
Well, as long as we're close.
395
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:33,584
Please, I can't leave
without my dissertation.
396
00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:36,152
-Yes, you can, now come on.
-It's four years of writing.
397
00:15:36,196 --> 00:15:39,025
-Plus, I had to make
the paper from scratch.
-WOMAN: Ay!
398
00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:40,461
-ARCHER: Oh, shit!
-NOAH: Oh, my God!
-Kekkozat?
399
00:15:40,504 --> 00:15:42,419
-What, oh, no, shh.
-Kekkozat!
400
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,204
-No. Shh.
-Punch her in the face.
401
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:45,901
-What?
-Kekkozat!
402
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,076
-Punch her in the face.
-Kekkozat!
403
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,556
I can't punch
an old lady in-- ow!
404
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:50,384
Dongay ekakume!
405
00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:51,472
Whoa.
406
00:15:51,515 --> 00:15:52,995
-Yeah, not cool.
-What?
407
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:55,215
-But you just told me to...
-Lakundu!
408
00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:57,478
Lakundu! Lakundu!
409
00:15:57,521 --> 00:15:59,349
[conch blowing]
410
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:01,264
-[shouting in distance]
-Now can we go, please?
411
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:03,614
But my dissertation...
412
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:05,442
actually had kind of
a weak premise.
413
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,009
Ketak.
414
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,098
-Ketakalak.
-[yelling]
415
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:11,840
Batu! Batu, batu!
416
00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:13,102
[yelling]
417
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:15,235
[screaming]
418
00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:18,281
Goddamn it!
Eat a dick, cannibals.
419
00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:20,631
It's funny you say that.
420
00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:22,938
-Actually...
-It's a figure of speech, Noah.
421
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,287
No, let him finish.
422
00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:25,897
Oh, my God.
423
00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:28,291
I was gonna say
that they don't eat the penis.
424
00:16:28,335 --> 00:16:30,163
The testicles, though...
425
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,903
Nok geziak!
426
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,035
Lakana.
427
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,037
[yelling]
428
00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:42,523
[quietly]:
In there.
429
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,091
CYRIL:
Schmidt!
430
00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:46,701
Was dauert so lange?
431
00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:49,269
[laughing]:
Weil mein Schwanz so lang ist.
432
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:50,487
CYRIL:
Nun beeile dich!
433
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:51,749
Ja, ja.
434
00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:54,665
Komm runter, Junge.
435
00:17:07,591 --> 00:17:09,593
[grunts]
436
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,467
Seriously?
437
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:15,121
-Scheisse.
-CYRIL: Was,
438
00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:17,427
hast du auf deine
Schue gepisst?
439
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,342
[distant laughter]
440
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,866
CYRIL:
Schmidt?
441
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,564
What the hell?
Why did you do that?
442
00:17:23,607 --> 00:17:25,696
-Guys?
-What? He was gonna
wipe them out.
443
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:27,698
Yeah, problem solved.
444
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:29,178
-Guys.
-What?
-What?
445
00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:31,050
[clears throat]
446
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:36,142
He wants us to come with him.
447
00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:37,752
Gee, thanks, Noah.
448
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,188
Oh, you're welcome.
449
00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:45,977
CYRIL: Zwei Manner,
gehen und finden Schmidt.
450
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:48,371
Eh? Zakila koko?
451
00:17:48,415 --> 00:17:51,548
He wants to know why you stuffed
your genitals into a coconut.
452
00:17:51,592 --> 00:17:54,377
Because I hate
this goddamn island.
453
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,121
Zu laguna Mua Mua.
454
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:00,383
NOAH:
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
455
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,211
He says you saved their lives,
456
00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:04,344
so now you're friends
of the Mua Mua.
457
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,389
Batu baruka zu zaku.
458
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:09,349
And that together,
we will kill these white devils.
459
00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:10,393
Nik andu.
460
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:12,265
Uh, no offense.
461
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:13,614
None taken?
462
00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:15,398
Teko besta.
463
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,357
And then,
we'll have a huge feast.
464
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,141
[groans]
Ekari zim.
465
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,230
Oh, my gosh, really?
466
00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:22,492
-Wow.
-What?
467
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:25,974
Ah, well, he said
even I could come.
468
00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:28,150
Do you not normally go
to the feasts?
469
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:29,151
Oh, no, no.
470
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,631
God, no.
[laughs]
471
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:33,677
They're... super racist.
472
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:38,073
Well, guess you can find out
473
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,162
what a human being
tastes like after all.
474
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:42,338
[chuckles] Oh, man, and this
is probably gonna sound weird,
475
00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:44,253
but I could kind of eat.
476
00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:45,602
A person?
477
00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:48,388
Not a whole person, asshole.
478
00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:52,435
But maybe, like, a drumstick?
479
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:27,253
MAN:
Made in Georgia.
480
00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:33,259
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