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1
00:00:05,092 --> 00:00:07,964
PAM:
Okay, keep coming.
2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,052
[moans]
3
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:10,140
Looking good.
4
00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:11,185
Keep coming.
5
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:13,013
-Can I just take it off?
-No.
6
00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:14,710
Shut up. Keep coming.
7
00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:17,060
Really not liking this.
8
00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:19,193
Well, but once you see
the surprise-- keep coming--
9
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,586
you're gonna forget all about
being mad about the map.
10
00:00:21,630 --> 00:00:24,154
That's what I'm saying: if the
goal here is to un-piss me off--
11
00:00:24,198 --> 00:00:26,026
-[barrel clatters]
-Ow! What the...?
12
00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:28,245
-Sorry. "Go left"?
-Goddamn it.
13
00:00:28,289 --> 00:00:30,204
Wait, hang on. Wait, wait, wait.
14
00:00:31,509 --> 00:00:33,120
Wha...? What the...?
15
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:34,164
Ta-da!
16
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,688
What the actual goddamn shit?
17
00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:38,603
Yeah, right? At first,
I was like, "Pff,"
18
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:40,388
but then I was like "Eh."
19
00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:42,607
-What'd you...
What have you done?
-Well, I used
20
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,261
all the ribs-- they were
in pretty good shape--
21
00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:46,350
the spans are the toughest
bamboo I could find.
22
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:48,265
-I helped.
-Shut up. Then, I covered 'em
23
00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,485
with canvas sails and doped
the whole thing up tighter
24
00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,182
than Dick's hatband.
25
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,358
-Hey, whoa.
-Dick's hatband?
26
00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:56,273
-Dick's hatband?!
-Yeah. I don't know.
27
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:57,361
-People say that.
-Right?
28
00:00:57,405 --> 00:01:00,016
You big dumb ox, you ruined her.
29
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,932
[crying]: But-but I thought
you'd be happy.
30
00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:04,238
Happy?
31
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:05,239
You thought I'd be happy?
32
00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,371
-I ought to...
-[plane whirring]
33
00:01:07,415 --> 00:01:09,373
What the...?
34
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,375
[engine rumbling]
35
00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:19,122
Come on, come on, come on.
36
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:20,341
Where are you?
37
00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,998
Come on. Come on. Come on.
38
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:31,178
Come on, baby.
Come on. You can do it.
39
00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:32,962
Don't let him in the slot.
40
00:01:41,492 --> 00:01:42,841
[rapid gunfire]
41
00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,408
[Archer yelling]
42
00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:46,932
Come on, you fat Russian pig.
43
00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,978
[Archer screaming]
44
00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:57,943
Goddamn it.
45
00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:01,338
Mmm.
46
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,733
ARCHER:
Son of a-- no.
47
00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:05,864
No!
48
00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:07,431
No, no, no, no, no, no!
49
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:14,743
[coughing]
50
00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:17,789
Damn it. Goddamn it.
51
00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:20,270
Eat a dick!
52
00:02:24,492 --> 00:02:26,494
Wh-- was-- what was...
53
00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:28,800
-[mumbling]: Was it...
-PAM: Archer? Hey.
54
00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:30,324
-Hey.
-Huh?
55
00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,804
Where'd you go, buddy?
56
00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,632
Spain.
57
00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:37,331
KRIEGER [laughing]:
Oh, man.
58
00:02:37,374 --> 00:02:39,550
Is Spain not the best?
59
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:42,684
Come on, tapas?
60
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,644
♪
61
00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:25,422
Archer?
62
00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:26,858
Archer. Hey. Come on.
63
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:28,643
Come on. Come on.
64
00:03:28,686 --> 00:03:30,427
Snap out of it, bub.
65
00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:32,429
'Cause, uh, we got company.
66
00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:34,779
Huh? Wh-What? Wait.
Where am I?
67
00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:36,346
Right here with me and Crackers.
68
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:37,782
-Ugh.
-Hey.
69
00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,175
Question is, where were you?
70
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,655
Pam, it was the damndest thing.
71
00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,396
All of a sudden,
I was back in Spain
72
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:44,485
getting shot down
by that son of a bitch Ziegler.
73
00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:46,791
-Yeah, so...
-[man laughs]
74
00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:48,532
-Which time?
-ARCHER: [gasps] What the hell?
75
00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:51,405
-PAM: Yeah, so, funny story.
-Ziegler?
76
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:54,321
Hello, Archer. [scoffs] You're
flying a garbage truck now?
77
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,627
No. I-- wait.
How are you here?
78
00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:59,108
It is an incredible
coincidence, yeah?
79
00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:00,457
Literally, incredible.
80
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,329
So does this place have a bar?
81
00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:04,722
I owe you a drink;
you have made me famous.
82
00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:08,944
[all laughing]
83
00:04:08,987 --> 00:04:10,685
[speaking German]
84
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:14,123
Yeah. [speaks German]
85
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,733
This means "the reverse ace."
86
00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:18,867
Because in Spain,
I shot him down five times.
87
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,304
-We know.
-Plus, not to mention his eye.
88
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:23,959
-Then why did you?
-[hums]: I don't know.
89
00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:26,048
-And why the hell are you here?
-Well, I...
90
00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:28,529
I don't see how that
concerns you, Hauptmann Ziegler.
91
00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:30,487
[speaking German]
92
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:37,886
Oh, so, hey, Archer, please,
let me buy you that drink, huh?
93
00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:39,540
Come find me later.
94
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:42,064
Oh, don't worry.
I'll find you.
95
00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:44,936
[chuckles] Well,
that would be a first.
96
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,511
Man, so the guy
97
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,470
who shot you down
all those times--
98
00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:58,515
shot your eyeball out--
he shows up
99
00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:00,952
on the same teeny, tiny island
halfway around the world?
100
00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,867
I mean, what are the odds?
101
00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:05,174
-Literally, zero.
-Shut up, bird.
102
00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:06,523
Eh.
103
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,482
-So, you okay?
-Hmm?
104
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,875
Oh, [chuckles] yeah.
No, I'm fine.
105
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:13,704
I'm good. I'm totally good.
I'm, uh...
106
00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:19,580
[shouts]
107
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,582
Damn it!
108
00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:26,587
[chuckles] No. I am good.
I'm great.
109
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:28,676
'Cause I'm gonna kill him.
110
00:05:28,719 --> 00:05:30,547
MALORY:
All right, missy.
111
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,897
We need to have a little talk.
112
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,638
Now I don't know
what you studied
113
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:37,554
at whatever fancy-pants
finishing school you went to.
114
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,208
-Finch.
-What?
115
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,992
I went to Finch?
116
00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:43,560
No one cares, but can I assume
117
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,997
they didn't teach you
business management?
118
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:49,566
-I don't know.
-Well, now you are a business,
119
00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:52,003
in which I've made
a major investment.
120
00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:54,441
[scoffs] What?
Bear claws and brandy?
121
00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:57,095
And a roof over your head.
122
00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:58,488
And so far, you're not
123
00:05:58,532 --> 00:06:00,577
-making me any money.
-Well, how can I?
124
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:02,971
Look at this place. There's
hardly ever anybody in here.
125
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,538
MALORY:
Well, what about him?
126
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,931
Did you ask him about a date?
127
00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,933
-I asked them both.
-Seriously?
128
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:11,762
Ugh. I'll try again after
they finish that sherry.
129
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:14,548
I-I... I think
she was on the fence.
130
00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,724
[gasps] Wait. What about him?
131
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,160
MALORY:
Oh, no.
132
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,162
He is strictly off-limits.
133
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:22,686
-And if I catch you
sniffing around...
-[glass breaking]
134
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,514
[shouting in German, laughing]
135
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:26,734
[speaks German]
136
00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:28,388
[cheering]
137
00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:29,606
What in the...?
138
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:32,087
-Uh, parlez-vouz francaise?
-English.
139
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:34,698
Good. Better.
11 liters of beer, please.
140
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,744
Uh, the first round is on me.
141
00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:38,659
[men cheering]
142
00:06:38,702 --> 00:06:40,051
And then they pay
for themselves!
143
00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:42,053
[men booing]
144
00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:43,620
Oh, do not listen to them.
145
00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:46,231
Their pockets are stuffed
with back pay.
146
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:49,321
And they have not seen
a woman in months. Oof.
147
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:51,106
[clears throat]
148
00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:54,501
Here. Take this down
to the shop, and tell Mr. Wong
149
00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:57,808
you want the biggest jar
of coconut butter he's got.
150
00:06:57,852 --> 00:06:59,680
Why?
151
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,551
Trust me.
152
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,642
PAM:
Base a Rojo Tres.
153
00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:07,557
Rojo Tres responde.
154
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,473
-[radio static]
-Rojo Tres.
155
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,083
Rojo Tres.
156
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,694
God-- Archer?
157
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:14,738
ARCHER [on radio]:
What?
158
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,740
PAM:
You're Rojo Tres.
159
00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:19,221
I thought I was Red Thr-- Oh.
160
00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,049
-KRIEGER: Jesus Christ.
-Shut up, bird.
161
00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:22,485
PAM:
No, you shut up.
162
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:25,096
And keep an eye peeled for that son of a bitch Ziegler.
163
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,881
-ZIEGLER [on radio]: Yeah.
-Wha...?
164
00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,710
He could be anywhere.
165
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:30,972
[Ziegler laughing]
166
00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:32,539
Goddamn it, Ziegler. You...
167
00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:37,500
ZIEGLER: [laughs]
Adios, desayuno.
168
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:40,242
Ziegler!
169
00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:41,330
[grunts]
170
00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:43,375
[moaning, panting]
171
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,770
[moans]
172
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:48,250
Oh.
173
00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,686
Ziegler.
174
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,253
[Cyril laughing]
175
00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:53,298
CYRIL:
It means "the brick maker."
176
00:07:53,342 --> 00:07:55,431
Ziegler. This is a family name
in German
177
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,346
for someone who makes bricks.
178
00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:58,913
-LANA: Mm-hmm.
-[laughs] But in this case,
179
00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:00,741
it has also another meaning
180
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:03,700
because he turns enemy
war planes into bricks.
181
00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:05,876
Yeah. Other languages
have puns, too.
182
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,009
But not as powerful
as German puns.
183
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:10,272
-Shh.
-And so, with Ziegler
184
00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:12,230
and the other pilots providing
185
00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:13,667
close air support
to the new soldiers,
186
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:15,669
nothing-- not cannibals,
187
00:08:15,712 --> 00:08:17,801
not those verdammtlizards
can stop us
188
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,324
from finding the idol!
189
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:20,848
Keep your voice down.
190
00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:22,937
If my father hears you,
he'll cut your balls off.
191
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:24,591
[chuckles]
Yeah. Right.
192
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:25,983
Like your bodyguards, huh?
193
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:27,681
-No.
-Oh.
194
00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,683
But until then,
get back in here
195
00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:31,119
and bring me some more...
196
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:32,860
Wiener schnitzel.
197
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,602
CYRIL: I, uh, still need
a bit more time.
198
00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:39,083
Still? Ugh,
what is taking so long?
199
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:42,565
I must, uh,
replenish my lebenskraft.
200
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:44,741
LANA: Still, though.
Wait a minute.
201
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:46,874
You're not seeing someone else,
are you?
202
00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:49,050
Don't be foolish.
[groaning]: Besides,
203
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:52,749
what other women even live
on this gottverlasseneisland?
204
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,708
[laughing]
205
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:57,624
♪ It's a long way to Tipperary♪
206
00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:00,757
♪ It's a long way to go...♪
207
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,672
What is the meaning of this?
208
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,935
The best I can tell--
it's about an Irishman
209
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,720
-learning about cunnilingus.
-Quoi?
210
00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:08,635
Oh, sorry.
That's when...
211
00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:10,985
-I know what it means!
-Really?
212
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:12,813
I mean, these German soldiers--
213
00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:14,510
they have invaded
French territoire.
214
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,164
And my heart...
if I'm being honest.
215
00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:17,731
What?!
216
00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:20,211
If these big lugs
gamble and screw
217
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:22,910
as much as they drink,
I could retire.
218
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,955
Well, you may be
for sale, madame,
219
00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:27,392
but the honor of France is not.
220
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:29,220
I shall place them all
under arrest.
221
00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:33,181
[men continue singing]
222
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,662
Viens,Doudou!
223
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,838
Well, bonne chancewith that.
224
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:40,754
-[laughing]
-[singing continues]
225
00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:41,755
Ah!
226
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:43,408
[men exclaiming, coughing]
227
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:45,672
Silence!
Who is in charge here?
228
00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:48,718
I think I am.
Hauptmann Ziegler.
229
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,894
This island is French territory.
230
00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:53,114
You and your men
are here illegally.
231
00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:55,638
Oh, but we are just here
as tourists.
232
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,335
[laughter]
233
00:09:57,379 --> 00:10:00,164
Well, then I hope
you enjoy the tour of my jail,
234
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,905
because you are all
under arrest.
235
00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,167
-[overlapping chatter]
-What?
-No!
236
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:05,692
Come on. We are just
some cool guys on leave,
237
00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:09,696
and since France is so far away,
and you are so outnumbered,
238
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:12,786
can't you also just be
a cool guy?
239
00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:19,053
-No.
-Fair enough.
240
00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:23,057
[speaking French]
241
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,972
-[piano playing]
-♪ Way to Tipperary...♪
242
00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,017
Tipperary. [scoffs]
243
00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:28,802
It's a long way
to the goddamn ground
244
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,065
in a tired-ass Russian biplane
245
00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,284
when you lousy krauts
are ripping around
246
00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:37,332
in your brand-new
goddamn Messerschmitts.
247
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:39,508
PAM:
Okay, Archer,
248
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:42,076
keep an eye
on your six this time.
249
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,861
Don't worry about me, Pam.
Today's the day.
250
00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:46,471
I can feel it. I'm gonna...
251
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:49,823
-Ziegler!
-[cackling]
252
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,868
ZIEGLER [laughs]:
Oh.
253
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,870
Oh. So now we're just camping?
254
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:02,966
[slurring]: Higher top speed,
higher ceiling,
255
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,751
tighter turn,
better rate of climb.
256
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:07,928
So, big whoop.
You got a couple of kills.
257
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,454
It's easy
when you sneak up on people!
258
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:16,327
PAM: So again, and I really
can't stress this enough...
259
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:17,894
Don't worry about my six, Pam.
260
00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:20,462
[laughing]: Nobody's gonna
sneak up on me now.
261
00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:22,333
-[plane approaching]
-Oh...
262
00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:24,771
Wait. Hang on.
263
00:11:24,814 --> 00:11:26,555
Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
264
00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:30,907
-[glass breaking]
-[shouts] Ziegler!
265
00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:33,301
[slurring]: So drink up,
Ziegler, you rat dick,
266
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:36,652
because your night cap
is gonna be...
267
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,785
bullets.
268
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,526
First thing,
I'm gonna shoot your eye out.
269
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:43,224
And then, your dick off.
270
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:44,747
And then...
271
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,707
-[metallic thudding]
-[man groaning]
272
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,187
[groaning continues]
273
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:52,102
What the...?
274
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:55,192
-What are you doing?
-What does it look like?!
275
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:57,847
Uh... a hermit crab?
276
00:11:57,891 --> 00:11:59,893
Idiot! Get me out of here!
277
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:01,938
-I'm busy!
-Wha...?
278
00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,549
[piano music playing]
279
00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:05,986
What the...?
280
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,030
-Oh, shoot!
-Aw, man!
281
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:08,858
What the hell are you doing?!
282
00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,991
Well, we know you're sad,
so we're gonna surprise you
283
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:12,166
-with a kringle.
-A what?
284
00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:13,907
-Kringle.
-Kringle.
285
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,039
-State pastry of Wisconsin?
-Wisconsin has a state pastry?
286
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,258
-Kringle.
-Kringle.
287
00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:18,781
Stop staying "kringle"!
288
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,261
Okay. Geez.
289
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:21,915
But... what are you doing
with your gun there?
290
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,438
I'm gonna go in there...
291
00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:25,396
Actually, no. Wait.
292
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,398
You'regonna go in there,
293
00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:30,880
and lure Ziegler in here.
That's better.
294
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,752
And I'm gonna hide
in the pantry,
295
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,406
and then I'm gonna bust out
and shoot his eye out.
296
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:37,321
And then, his dick off.
297
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:40,847
And then... his brains.
298
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:43,110
-What?!
-Yeah, you don't want
to do that.
299
00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:45,155
Yes, I do, Pam!
An eye for an eye.
300
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:47,244
That's right
in the goddamn Bible.
301
00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:49,943
Yeah, but, come on.
That was a fair fight.
302
00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:52,206
It wasn't fair!
I was in a biplane.
303
00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,991
He was in a brand-new
goddamn 109!
304
00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:57,254
-Still, though.
-Yeah, but you don't want
to kill him like this.
305
00:12:57,298 --> 00:13:00,388
-It's... it's chickenshit.
-[sighs]
306
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:01,955
You're right.
307
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:03,870
Goddamn it, you're right!
308
00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:07,177
And so... I'm sorry for this.
309
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,918
Sorry for-- oh!
310
00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:10,615
-Oh, what the shit, man?!
-[gun cocks]
311
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:12,748
-[gulps loudly]
-Shut up, bird.
312
00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:17,927
KRIEGER:
Hey!
313
00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:20,016
Hey, wake up!
Come on. Rise and shine, Fritz.
314
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:22,410
-[snoring]
-[sighs heavily]
315
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:25,587
-[squawks loudly]
-[shrieks] Jesus, what?!
316
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:27,197
-What?
-Easy, easy.
317
00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:28,938
I'm supposed to give you this.
318
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,853
How is this bird talking?
319
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,072
Right?
320
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:34,030
[reading in German]
321
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:36,032
Oh. Scheisse!
322
00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:38,121
-[flames roaring]
-Nein! Nein!
323
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:38,992
Nein! Nein! Nein!
324
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,907
[speaking German]
Schnell!
325
00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:49,263
So, hey... [laughing]
326
00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:51,004
What would a gal
have to do to...?
327
00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:53,789
-[door slams]
-Jesus, rude much?!
328
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,009
I was gonna ask
how to get a ride out of here
329
00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:57,575
on one of their planes.
330
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:59,360
Yeah, I wouldn't hold my breath.
331
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,579
Yeah, well,
I wouldn't be a talking bird.
332
00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:07,977
Hey...
[sniffing]
333
00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:11,851
[sniffing]
334
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,593
[snoring]
335
00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:18,901
There's a...
336
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:21,034
Was a... Where the...? Oh!
337
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:22,687
What the shit?!
338
00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:24,689
ARCHER:
Hey, sleepyhead.
339
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,909
-Glad you could join us.
-Why the hell am I in a...?
340
00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:30,565
Ow! Christ on a bike.
My head kills.
341
00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:33,133
[chuckles] Yeah, mine did, too,
to be honest.
342
00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:34,917
Little hairy dog?
343
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:37,615
No, I... Wait a minute.
You hit me!
344
00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:39,052
I lightly tapped you.
345
00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:40,967
You piece of shit,
you hit me!
346
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,969
-Only because you were right.
-What?!
347
00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:45,754
I was gonna shoot Ziegler.
You may not remember this,
348
00:14:45,797 --> 00:14:47,321
'cause you have a concussion,
349
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,758
but I was gonna shoot Ziegler,
but you told me
350
00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:51,629
that was chickenshit, and so,
351
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:54,067
now we're gonna settle it
up here in a dogfight
352
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:57,113
in evenly matched planes,
man-to-man.
353
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,506
-And woman!
-Well,
354
00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,290
yeah, I needed
a tail gunner, so...
355
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,075
-Goddamn it!
-And so now's probably
356
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,686
a good time to familiarize
yourself with said gun.
357
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:05,992
Goddamn it!
358
00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:08,081
'Cause if Crackers did
what I told him to,
359
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,474
-it won't be long before...
-ZIEGLER: Archer?!
360
00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:12,346
Speak of the teufel...
361
00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:15,088
Come on up, Ziegler. See what
it's like to fight somebody
362
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,480
-fair and square...
-[rapid gunfire]
363
00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:19,135
-Aah!
-Say your prayers, Archer.
364
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:21,964
This time I will put you down
once and for all.
365
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,618
Pam, get your head
out of your ass!
366
00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:25,272
-Me?!
-Your one job
367
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:27,230
is to shoot things
coming at us from be...
368
00:15:27,274 --> 00:15:28,449
-[rapid gunfire]
-Oh, shit!
369
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:32,540
Son of a...
370
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,020
PAM:
What was that?
371
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:36,848
ARCHER:
Nothing.
372
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,111
[indistinct shouting]
373
00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:39,677
MALLORY:
I assume this was Sterling?
374
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:41,897
-Yup, yup, yup.
-Mm-hmm.
375
00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:48,599
-Putamierda!
-Goddamn it!
376
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:50,123
ZIEGLER: [laughs]
It doesn't matter
377
00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,951
what you fly, Archer.
378
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,343
I will always beat you.
379
00:15:53,387 --> 00:15:54,997
Oh, you couldn't beat...
380
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,564
Hang on.
I had something for the...
381
00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:59,132
-You want to save the quips?
-It was pretty good.
382
00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:03,179
-[rapid gunfire]
-Oh, wait. So's that.
383
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:07,792
[laughs]
How you like that, Ziegler?!
384
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:09,490
[laughs]
Who taught you how to shoot?
385
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,100
-Your husband?
-[Pam laughs]
386
00:16:11,144 --> 00:16:14,060
-Will you shut up?
-It was pretty good.
387
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:16,366
All right, Archer, I am bored
with this and with you.
388
00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:18,803
Get ready to die.
389
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:20,066
Aah!
390
00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:23,852
Um... okay.
391
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,508
[both speaking German]
392
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,118
Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!
393
00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:30,641
[speaking German]
394
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:31,860
What the...?
395
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,122
ZIEGLER:
Archer!
396
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,170
Wooohoohoohoooo!!
[laughs]
397
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:40,347
Holy shit!
Did you see that?!
398
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,349
-Yeah, I...
-I must have hit his fuel tank.
399
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:44,177
-Wait. What?
-Woohoo!
400
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:47,180
Million-to-one shot,
but I did it.
401
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,182
I finally beat Ziegler.
402
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,053
Yeah. Way to go.
403
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,490
[laughing]
Right?
404
00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:55,666
So now what?
Can't go back to the island now.
405
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,712
The krauts are gonna know
this whole thing was you.
406
00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:59,670
You think I didn't think
of that? Don't worry.
407
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,455
I put Crackers on it.
408
00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:04,371
What in the hell
is going on here?!
409
00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:07,113
Well? Someone had better
tell me!
410
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:09,593
Uh, yeah, so,
I was here earlier,
411
00:17:09,637 --> 00:17:11,813
and I saw the whole thing,
which was
412
00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:14,207
Ziegler and the other guy--
Schnell--
413
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:17,166
who, come to find out,
is his lover.
414
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,646
-[men exclaim]
-Yeah.
415
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:20,691
So they stole
the other two planes,
416
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:24,347
and set this one on fire
so nobody could follow them
417
00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:28,351
to Shanghai where they plan
to open a cabaret,
418
00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:30,614
the unfortunately named
"Scandals."
419
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:32,355
[men exclaiming]
420
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:35,271
Ooh! Scandals!
That sounds fun, huh?
421
00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:37,099
[overlapping chatter in German]
422
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,970
[giggles]
Hi, guys!
423
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,798
You're bright-eyed
and bushy-tailed.
424
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,757
I'm surprised you can even walk.
425
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,759
What? Oh, God. No.
426
00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,239
They were all so drunk,
they thought
427
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,806
that jar of coconut butter was,
you know, me.
428
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:50,808
-[laughs]
-Oh.
429
00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:52,158
[gasps]
Oh. Well,
430
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,508
as long as you charged
everybody full price.
431
00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:56,205
[chuckles]
Right?
432
00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,381
Then you should have a lot
of money to give me?
433
00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:00,296
Ugh. About that...
434
00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:02,820
I've decided that from now on,
435
00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:05,214
-I'm keeping all of it.
-Excuse me?!
436
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,738
Yeah, because your cop buddy
lives in a barrel now,
437
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:10,306
and this stupid island is
under an occupying power,
438
00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:11,916
all of whom are heavily armed,
439
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,658
and basically
totally in love with me.
440
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:16,269
Fur dich, Fraulein!
441
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:19,185
Aw! Oh.
442
00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:25,234
So go make me
some goddamn breakfast.
443
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:26,844
-[engine sputtering]
-ARCHER: Besides, getting back
444
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:28,411
to the island is, like,
the one thing
445
00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:30,848
-we don't have to worry about.
-Yeah, exactly, so...
446
00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:32,241
Wait. What?
447
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,678
[engine sputtering]
448
00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:36,854
Damn it!
Well, the good news is,
449
00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:39,118
at least it's a seaplane,
right?
450
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:41,424
-Well, I mean it was.
-What?!
451
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:44,949
Goddamn it!
Goddamn it if you...
452
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:47,474
Oh, shut up. Come on. If anybody
can crash-land a plane,
453
00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:49,128
it's me, right? Huh?
454
00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:51,478
With all my experience? Pam?
455
00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:53,132
Then get it over with!
456
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,090
Oh, okay.
I guess just pout.
457
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,222
[wind whistling]
458
00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:57,527
-Pam?
-I am.
459
00:18:57,571 --> 00:18:59,355
Okay, then here goes.
460
00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:03,185
[Archer and Pam yelling]
461
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:04,752
[Archer groans]
462
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:06,493
[both yelling]
463
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,453
ARCHER:
Woooohoohoooo!!
464
00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,455
Bocadas de mierda!
465
00:19:12,499 --> 00:19:14,240
And did you see that, Pam?!
466
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,372
Also perfect.
467
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:18,592
Who wins, huh?
Archer wins.
468
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:20,376
Yeah. This is a win for you?
469
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,378
Not just for me, Pam.
470
00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:24,989
For America.
471
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:27,427
And those hapless
Spanish communists.
472
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:31,953
Well? So now what?
473
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:34,695
So now, since we've only got
one flare,
474
00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,305
I'm gonna shoot their leader
with it,
475
00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:39,047
and then, when the rest of them
go into a feeding frenzy,
476
00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:40,875
you and me are gonna make
a run for it.
477
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:42,442
-What?!
-[laughs] I'm kidding,
478
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,618
-you big dumb idiot.
-[shoots flare]
479
00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,533
[Pam sighs heavily]
480
00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:49,840
-You know...
-[Archer laughs]
481
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:23,787
MAN:
Made in Georgia.
482
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,793
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
483
00:20:33,057 --> 00:20:35,799
ANNOUNCER: Will they survive Danger Island?
484
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,888
[crying]
We are going to die
up here.
485
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,326
-No, we're not!
-Yeah. [chuckles]
It's the ground that kills ya.
486
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:41,501
Thanks.
487
00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:43,503
ANNOUNCER:
Archer Danger Island.
488
00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:46,245
All new, Wednesdays at 10:00. Only on FXX.
33976
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