All language subtitles for Archer.2009.S09E04.A.Warrior.in.Costume.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,092 --> 00:00:07,964 PAM: Okay, keep coming. 2 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,052 [moans] 3 00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:10,140 Looking good. 4 00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:11,185 Keep coming. 5 00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:13,013 -Can I just take it off? -No. 6 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:14,710 Shut up. Keep coming. 7 00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:17,060 Really not liking this. 8 00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:19,193 Well, but once you see the surprise-- keep coming-- 9 00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,586 you're gonna forget all about being mad about the map. 10 00:00:21,630 --> 00:00:24,154 That's what I'm saying: if the goal here is to un-piss me off-- 11 00:00:24,198 --> 00:00:26,026 -[barrel clatters] -Ow! What the...? 12 00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:28,245 -Sorry. "Go left"? -Goddamn it. 13 00:00:28,289 --> 00:00:30,204 Wait, hang on. Wait, wait, wait. 14 00:00:31,509 --> 00:00:33,120 Wha...? What the...? 15 00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:34,164 Ta-da! 16 00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,688 What the actual goddamn shit? 17 00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:38,603 Yeah, right? At first, I was like, "Pff," 18 00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:40,388 but then I was like "Eh." 19 00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:42,607 -What'd you... What have you done? -Well, I used 20 00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,261 all the ribs-- they were in pretty good shape-- 21 00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:46,350 the spans are the toughest bamboo I could find. 22 00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:48,265 -I helped. -Shut up. Then, I covered 'em 23 00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,485 with canvas sails and doped the whole thing up tighter 24 00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,182 than Dick's hatband. 25 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,358 -Hey, whoa. -Dick's hatband? 26 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:56,273 -Dick's hatband?! -Yeah. I don't know. 27 00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:57,361 -People say that. -Right? 28 00:00:57,405 --> 00:01:00,016 You big dumb ox, you ruined her. 29 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,932 [crying]: But-but I thought you'd be happy. 30 00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:04,238 Happy? 31 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:05,239 You thought I'd be happy? 32 00:01:05,282 --> 00:01:07,371 -I ought to... -[plane whirring] 33 00:01:07,415 --> 00:01:09,373 What the...? 34 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,375 [engine rumbling] 35 00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:19,122 Come on, come on, come on. 36 00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:20,341 Where are you? 37 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,998 Come on. Come on. Come on. 38 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:31,178 Come on, baby. Come on. You can do it. 39 00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:32,962 Don't let him in the slot. 40 00:01:41,492 --> 00:01:42,841 [rapid gunfire] 41 00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,408 [Archer yelling] 42 00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:46,932 Come on, you fat Russian pig. 43 00:01:46,976 --> 00:01:48,978 [Archer screaming] 44 00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:57,943 Goddamn it. 45 00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:01,338 Mmm. 46 00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:04,733 ARCHER: Son of a-- no. 47 00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:05,864 No! 48 00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:07,431 No, no, no, no, no, no! 49 00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:14,743 [coughing] 50 00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:17,789 Damn it. Goddamn it. 51 00:02:17,833 --> 00:02:20,270 Eat a dick! 52 00:02:24,492 --> 00:02:26,494 Wh-- was-- what was... 53 00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:28,800 -[mumbling]: Was it... -PAM: Archer? Hey. 54 00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:30,324 -Hey. -Huh? 55 00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,804 Where'd you go, buddy? 56 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,632 Spain. 57 00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:37,331 KRIEGER [laughing]: Oh, man. 58 00:02:37,374 --> 00:02:39,550 Is Spain not the best? 59 00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:42,684 Come on, tapas? 60 00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,644 ♪ 61 00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:25,422 Archer? 62 00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:26,858 Archer. Hey. Come on. 63 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:28,643 Come on. Come on. 64 00:03:28,686 --> 00:03:30,427 Snap out of it, bub. 65 00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:32,429 'Cause, uh, we got company. 66 00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:34,779 Huh? Wh-What? Wait. Where am I? 67 00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:36,346 Right here with me and Crackers. 68 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:37,782 -Ugh. -Hey. 69 00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,175 Question is, where were you? 70 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,655 Pam, it was the damndest thing. 71 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,396 All of a sudden, I was back in Spain 72 00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:44,485 getting shot down by that son of a bitch Ziegler. 73 00:03:44,528 --> 00:03:46,791 -Yeah, so... -[man laughs] 74 00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:48,532 -Which time? -ARCHER: [gasps] What the hell? 75 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:51,405 -PAM: Yeah, so, funny story. -Ziegler? 76 00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:54,321 Hello, Archer. [scoffs] You're flying a garbage truck now? 77 00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,627 No. I-- wait. How are you here? 78 00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:59,108 It is an incredible coincidence, yeah? 79 00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:00,457 Literally, incredible. 80 00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:02,329 So does this place have a bar? 81 00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:04,722 I owe you a drink; you have made me famous. 82 00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:08,944 [all laughing] 83 00:04:08,987 --> 00:04:10,685 [speaking German] 84 00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:14,123 Yeah. [speaks German] 85 00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,733 This means "the reverse ace." 86 00:04:15,777 --> 00:04:18,867 Because in Spain, I shot him down five times. 87 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,304 -We know. -Plus, not to mention his eye. 88 00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:23,959 -Then why did you? -[hums]: I don't know. 89 00:04:24,002 --> 00:04:26,048 -And why the hell are you here? -Well, I... 90 00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:28,529 I don't see how that concerns you, Hauptmann Ziegler. 91 00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:30,487 [speaking German] 92 00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:37,886 Oh, so, hey, Archer, please, let me buy you that drink, huh? 93 00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:39,540 Come find me later. 94 00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:42,064 Oh, don't worry. I'll find you. 95 00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:44,936 [chuckles] Well, that would be a first. 96 00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,511 Man, so the guy 97 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,470 who shot you down all those times-- 98 00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:58,515 shot your eyeball out-- he shows up 99 00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:00,952 on the same teeny, tiny island halfway around the world? 100 00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,867 I mean, what are the odds? 101 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:05,174 -Literally, zero. -Shut up, bird. 102 00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:06,523 Eh. 103 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,482 -So, you okay? -Hmm? 104 00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,875 Oh, [chuckles] yeah. No, I'm fine. 105 00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:13,704 I'm good. I'm totally good. I'm, uh... 106 00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:19,580 [shouts] 107 00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,582 Damn it! 108 00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:26,587 [chuckles] No. I am good. I'm great. 109 00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:28,676 'Cause I'm gonna kill him. 110 00:05:28,719 --> 00:05:30,547 MALORY: All right, missy. 111 00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,897 We need to have a little talk. 112 00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,638 Now I don't know what you studied 113 00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:37,554 at whatever fancy-pants finishing school you went to. 114 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,208 -Finch. -What? 115 00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,992 I went to Finch? 116 00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:43,560 No one cares, but can I assume 117 00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,997 they didn't teach you business management? 118 00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:49,566 -I don't know. -Well, now you are a business, 119 00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:52,003 in which I've made a major investment. 120 00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:54,441 [scoffs] What? Bear claws and brandy? 121 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:57,095 And a roof over your head. 122 00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:58,488 And so far, you're not 123 00:05:58,532 --> 00:06:00,577 -making me any money. -Well, how can I? 124 00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:02,971 Look at this place. There's hardly ever anybody in here. 125 00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:04,538 MALORY: Well, what about him? 126 00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,931 Did you ask him about a date? 127 00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,933 -I asked them both. -Seriously? 128 00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:11,762 Ugh. I'll try again after they finish that sherry. 129 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:14,548 I-I... I think she was on the fence. 130 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,724 [gasps] Wait. What about him? 131 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,160 MALORY: Oh, no. 132 00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,162 He is strictly off-limits. 133 00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:22,686 -And if I catch you sniffing around... -[glass breaking] 134 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,514 [shouting in German, laughing] 135 00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:26,734 [speaks German] 136 00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:28,388 [cheering] 137 00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:29,606 What in the...? 138 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:32,087 -Uh, parlez-vouz francaise? -English. 139 00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:34,698 Good. Better. 11 liters of beer, please. 140 00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:36,744 Uh, the first round is on me. 141 00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:38,659 [men cheering] 142 00:06:38,702 --> 00:06:40,051 And then they pay for themselves! 143 00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:42,053 [men booing] 144 00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:43,620 Oh, do not listen to them. 145 00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:46,231 Their pockets are stuffed with back pay. 146 00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:49,321 And they have not seen a woman in months. Oof. 147 00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:51,106 [clears throat] 148 00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:54,501 Here. Take this down to the shop, and tell Mr. Wong 149 00:06:54,544 --> 00:06:57,808 you want the biggest jar of coconut butter he's got. 150 00:06:57,852 --> 00:06:59,680 Why? 151 00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,551 Trust me. 152 00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,642 PAM: Base a Rojo Tres. 153 00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:07,557 Rojo Tres responde. 154 00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,473 -[radio static] -Rojo Tres. 155 00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,083 Rojo Tres. 156 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,694 God-- Archer? 157 00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:14,738 ARCHER [on radio]: What? 158 00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,740 PAM: You're Rojo Tres. 159 00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:19,221 I thought I was Red Thr-- Oh. 160 00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,049 -KRIEGER: Jesus Christ. -Shut up, bird. 161 00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:22,485 PAM: No, you shut up. 162 00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:25,096 And keep an eye peeled for that son of a bitch Ziegler. 163 00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,881 -ZIEGLER [on radio]: Yeah. -Wha...? 164 00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,710 He could be anywhere. 165 00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:30,972 [Ziegler laughing] 166 00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:32,539 Goddamn it, Ziegler. You... 167 00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:37,500 ZIEGLER: [laughs] Adios, desayuno. 168 00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:40,242 Ziegler! 169 00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:41,330 [grunts] 170 00:07:41,373 --> 00:07:43,375 [moaning, panting] 171 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,770 [moans] 172 00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:48,250 Oh. 173 00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,686 Ziegler. 174 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,253 [Cyril laughing] 175 00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:53,298 CYRIL: It means "the brick maker." 176 00:07:53,342 --> 00:07:55,431 Ziegler. This is a family name in German 177 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,346 for someone who makes bricks. 178 00:07:57,389 --> 00:07:58,913 -LANA: Mm-hmm. -[laughs] But in this case, 179 00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:00,741 it has also another meaning 180 00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:03,700 because he turns enemy war planes into bricks. 181 00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:05,876 Yeah. Other languages have puns, too. 182 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,009 But not as powerful as German puns. 183 00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:10,272 -Shh. -And so, with Ziegler 184 00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:12,230 and the other pilots providing 185 00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:13,667 close air support to the new soldiers, 186 00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:15,669 nothing-- not cannibals, 187 00:08:15,712 --> 00:08:17,801 not those verdammtlizards can stop us 188 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,324 from finding the idol! 189 00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:20,848 Keep your voice down. 190 00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:22,937 If my father hears you, he'll cut your balls off. 191 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:24,591 [chuckles] Yeah. Right. 192 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:25,983 Like your bodyguards, huh? 193 00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:27,681 -No. -Oh. 194 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,683 But until then, get back in here 195 00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:31,119 and bring me some more... 196 00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:32,860 Wiener schnitzel. 197 00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,602 CYRIL: I, uh, still need a bit more time. 198 00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:39,083 Still? Ugh, what is taking so long? 199 00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:42,565 I must, uh, replenish my lebenskraft. 200 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:44,741 LANA: Still, though. Wait a minute. 201 00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:46,874 You're not seeing someone else, are you? 202 00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:49,050 Don't be foolish. [groaning]: Besides, 203 00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:52,749 what other women even live on this gottverlasseneisland? 204 00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,708 [laughing] 205 00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:57,624 ♪ It's a long way to Tipperary♪ 206 00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:00,757 ♪ It's a long way to go...♪ 207 00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,672 What is the meaning of this? 208 00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,935 The best I can tell-- it's about an Irishman 209 00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,720 -learning about cunnilingus. -Quoi? 210 00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:08,635 Oh, sorry. That's when... 211 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:10,985 -I know what it means! -Really? 212 00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:12,813 I mean, these German soldiers-- 213 00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:14,510 they have invaded French territoire. 214 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,164 And my heart... if I'm being honest. 215 00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:17,731 What?! 216 00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:20,211 If these big lugs gamble and screw 217 00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:22,910 as much as they drink, I could retire. 218 00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,955 Well, you may be for sale, madame, 219 00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:27,392 but the honor of France is not. 220 00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:29,220 I shall place them all under arrest. 221 00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:33,181 [men continue singing] 222 00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,662 Viens,Doudou! 223 00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:37,838 Well, bonne chancewith that. 224 00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:40,754 -[laughing] -[singing continues] 225 00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:41,755 Ah! 226 00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:43,408 [men exclaiming, coughing] 227 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:45,672 Silence! Who is in charge here? 228 00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:48,718 I think I am. Hauptmann Ziegler. 229 00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,894 This island is French territory. 230 00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:53,114 You and your men are here illegally. 231 00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:55,638 Oh, but we are just here as tourists. 232 00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,335 [laughter] 233 00:09:57,379 --> 00:10:00,164 Well, then I hope you enjoy the tour of my jail, 234 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,905 because you are all under arrest. 235 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,167 -[overlapping chatter] -What? -No! 236 00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:05,692 Come on. We are just some cool guys on leave, 237 00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:09,696 and since France is so far away, and you are so outnumbered, 238 00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:12,786 can't you also just be a cool guy? 239 00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:19,053 -No. -Fair enough. 240 00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:23,057 [speaking French] 241 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,972 -[piano playing] -♪ Way to Tipperary...♪ 242 00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:27,017 Tipperary. [scoffs] 243 00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:28,802 It's a long way to the goddamn ground 244 00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,065 in a tired-ass Russian biplane 245 00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,284 when you lousy krauts are ripping around 246 00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:37,332 in your brand-new goddamn Messerschmitts. 247 00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:39,508 PAM: Okay, Archer, 248 00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:42,076 keep an eye on your six this time. 249 00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,861 Don't worry about me, Pam. Today's the day. 250 00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:46,471 I can feel it. I'm gonna... 251 00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:49,823 -Ziegler! -[cackling] 252 00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,868 ZIEGLER [laughs]: Oh. 253 00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,870 Oh. So now we're just camping? 254 00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:02,966 [slurring]: Higher top speed, higher ceiling, 255 00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,751 tighter turn, better rate of climb. 256 00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:07,928 So, big whoop. You got a couple of kills. 257 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,454 It's easy when you sneak up on people! 258 00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:16,327 PAM: So again, and I really can't stress this enough... 259 00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:17,894 Don't worry about my six, Pam. 260 00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:20,462 [laughing]: Nobody's gonna sneak up on me now. 261 00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:22,333 -[plane approaching] -Oh... 262 00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:24,771 Wait. Hang on. 263 00:11:24,814 --> 00:11:26,555 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 264 00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:30,907 -[glass breaking] -[shouts] Ziegler! 265 00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:33,301 [slurring]: So drink up, Ziegler, you rat dick, 266 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:36,652 because your night cap is gonna be... 267 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,785 bullets. 268 00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,526 First thing, I'm gonna shoot your eye out. 269 00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:43,224 And then, your dick off. 270 00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:44,747 And then... 271 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,707 -[metallic thudding] -[man groaning] 272 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,187 [groaning continues] 273 00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:52,102 What the...? 274 00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:55,192 -What are you doing? -What does it look like?! 275 00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:57,847 Uh... a hermit crab? 276 00:11:57,891 --> 00:11:59,893 Idiot! Get me out of here! 277 00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:01,938 -I'm busy! -Wha...? 278 00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,549 [piano music playing] 279 00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:05,986 What the...? 280 00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,030 -Oh, shoot! -Aw, man! 281 00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:08,858 What the hell are you doing?! 282 00:12:08,902 --> 00:12:10,991 Well, we know you're sad, so we're gonna surprise you 283 00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:12,166 -with a kringle. -A what? 284 00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:13,907 -Kringle. -Kringle. 285 00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,039 -State pastry of Wisconsin? -Wisconsin has a state pastry? 286 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,258 -Kringle. -Kringle. 287 00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:18,781 Stop staying "kringle"! 288 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,261 Okay. Geez. 289 00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:21,915 But... what are you doing with your gun there? 290 00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,438 I'm gonna go in there... 291 00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:25,396 Actually, no. Wait. 292 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,398 You'regonna go in there, 293 00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:30,880 and lure Ziegler in here. That's better. 294 00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,752 And I'm gonna hide in the pantry, 295 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,406 and then I'm gonna bust out and shoot his eye out. 296 00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:37,321 And then, his dick off. 297 00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:40,847 And then... his brains. 298 00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:43,110 -What?! -Yeah, you don't want to do that. 299 00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:45,155 Yes, I do, Pam! An eye for an eye. 300 00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:47,244 That's right in the goddamn Bible. 301 00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:49,943 Yeah, but, come on. That was a fair fight. 302 00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:52,206 It wasn't fair! I was in a biplane. 303 00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,991 He was in a brand-new goddamn 109! 304 00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:57,254 -Still, though. -Yeah, but you don't want to kill him like this. 305 00:12:57,298 --> 00:13:00,388 -It's... it's chickenshit. -[sighs] 306 00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:01,955 You're right. 307 00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:03,870 Goddamn it, you're right! 308 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:07,177 And so... I'm sorry for this. 309 00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,918 Sorry for-- oh! 310 00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:10,615 -Oh, what the shit, man?! -[gun cocks] 311 00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:12,748 -[gulps loudly] -Shut up, bird. 312 00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:17,927 KRIEGER: Hey! 313 00:13:17,971 --> 00:13:20,016 Hey, wake up! Come on. Rise and shine, Fritz. 314 00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:22,410 -[snoring] -[sighs heavily] 315 00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:25,587 -[squawks loudly] -[shrieks] Jesus, what?! 316 00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:27,197 -What? -Easy, easy. 317 00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:28,938 I'm supposed to give you this. 318 00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,853 How is this bird talking? 319 00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,072 Right? 320 00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:34,030 [reading in German] 321 00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:36,032 Oh. Scheisse! 322 00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:38,121 -[flames roaring] -Nein! Nein! 323 00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:38,992 Nein! Nein! Nein! 324 00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,907 [speaking German] Schnell! 325 00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:49,263 So, hey... [laughing] 326 00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:51,004 What would a gal have to do to...? 327 00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:53,789 -[door slams] -Jesus, rude much?! 328 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,009 I was gonna ask how to get a ride out of here 329 00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:57,575 on one of their planes. 330 00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:59,360 Yeah, I wouldn't hold my breath. 331 00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,579 Yeah, well, I wouldn't be a talking bird. 332 00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:07,977 Hey... [sniffing] 333 00:14:10,545 --> 00:14:11,851 [sniffing] 334 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,593 [snoring] 335 00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:18,901 There's a... 336 00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:21,034 Was a... Where the...? Oh! 337 00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:22,687 What the shit?! 338 00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:24,689 ARCHER: Hey, sleepyhead. 339 00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,909 -Glad you could join us. -Why the hell am I in a...? 340 00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:30,565 Ow! Christ on a bike. My head kills. 341 00:14:30,608 --> 00:14:33,133 [chuckles] Yeah, mine did, too, to be honest. 342 00:14:33,176 --> 00:14:34,917 Little hairy dog? 343 00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:37,615 No, I... Wait a minute. You hit me! 344 00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:39,052 I lightly tapped you. 345 00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:40,967 You piece of shit, you hit me! 346 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,969 -Only because you were right. -What?! 347 00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:45,754 I was gonna shoot Ziegler. You may not remember this, 348 00:14:45,797 --> 00:14:47,321 'cause you have a concussion, 349 00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,758 but I was gonna shoot Ziegler, but you told me 350 00:14:49,801 --> 00:14:51,629 that was chickenshit, and so, 351 00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:54,067 now we're gonna settle it up here in a dogfight 352 00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:57,113 in evenly matched planes, man-to-man. 353 00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,506 -And woman! -Well, 354 00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,290 yeah, I needed a tail gunner, so... 355 00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,075 -Goddamn it! -And so now's probably 356 00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,686 a good time to familiarize yourself with said gun. 357 00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:05,992 Goddamn it! 358 00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:08,081 'Cause if Crackers did what I told him to, 359 00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,474 -it won't be long before... -ZIEGLER: Archer?! 360 00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:12,346 Speak of the teufel... 361 00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:15,088 Come on up, Ziegler. See what it's like to fight somebody 362 00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,480 -fair and square... -[rapid gunfire] 363 00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:19,135 -Aah! -Say your prayers, Archer. 364 00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:21,964 This time I will put you down once and for all. 365 00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,618 Pam, get your head out of your ass! 366 00:15:23,661 --> 00:15:25,272 -Me?! -Your one job 367 00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:27,230 is to shoot things coming at us from be... 368 00:15:27,274 --> 00:15:28,449 -[rapid gunfire] -Oh, shit! 369 00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:32,540 Son of a... 370 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,020 PAM: What was that? 371 00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:36,848 ARCHER: Nothing. 372 00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,111 [indistinct shouting] 373 00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:39,677 MALLORY: I assume this was Sterling? 374 00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:41,897 -Yup, yup, yup. -Mm-hmm. 375 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:48,599 -Putamierda! -Goddamn it! 376 00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:50,123 ZIEGLER: [laughs] It doesn't matter 377 00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,951 what you fly, Archer. 378 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,343 I will always beat you. 379 00:15:53,387 --> 00:15:54,997 Oh, you couldn't beat... 380 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:56,564 Hang on. I had something for the... 381 00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:59,132 -You want to save the quips? -It was pretty good. 382 00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:03,179 -[rapid gunfire] -Oh, wait. So's that. 383 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:07,792 [laughs] How you like that, Ziegler?! 384 00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:09,490 [laughs] Who taught you how to shoot? 385 00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,100 -Your husband? -[Pam laughs] 386 00:16:11,144 --> 00:16:14,060 -Will you shut up? -It was pretty good. 387 00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:16,366 All right, Archer, I am bored with this and with you. 388 00:16:16,410 --> 00:16:18,803 Get ready to die. 389 00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:20,066 Aah! 390 00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:23,852 Um... okay. 391 00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,508 [both speaking German] 392 00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:29,118 Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! 393 00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:30,641 [speaking German] 394 00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:31,860 What the...? 395 00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,122 ZIEGLER: Archer! 396 00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,170 Wooohoohoohoooo!! [laughs] 397 00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:40,347 Holy shit! Did you see that?! 398 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,349 -Yeah, I... -I must have hit his fuel tank. 399 00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:44,177 -Wait. What? -Woohoo! 400 00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:47,180 Million-to-one shot, but I did it. 401 00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,182 I finally beat Ziegler. 402 00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,053 Yeah. Way to go. 403 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,490 [laughing] Right? 404 00:16:53,534 --> 00:16:55,666 So now what? Can't go back to the island now. 405 00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,712 The krauts are gonna know this whole thing was you. 406 00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:59,670 You think I didn't think of that? Don't worry. 407 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,455 I put Crackers on it. 408 00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:04,371 What in the hell is going on here?! 409 00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:07,113 Well? Someone had better tell me! 410 00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:09,593 Uh, yeah, so, I was here earlier, 411 00:17:09,637 --> 00:17:11,813 and I saw the whole thing, which was 412 00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:14,207 Ziegler and the other guy-- Schnell-- 413 00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:17,166 who, come to find out, is his lover. 414 00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,646 -[men exclaim] -Yeah. 415 00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:20,691 So they stole the other two planes, 416 00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:24,347 and set this one on fire so nobody could follow them 417 00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:28,351 to Shanghai where they plan to open a cabaret, 418 00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:30,614 the unfortunately named "Scandals." 419 00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:32,355 [men exclaiming] 420 00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:35,271 Ooh! Scandals! That sounds fun, huh? 421 00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:37,099 [overlapping chatter in German] 422 00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,970 [giggles] Hi, guys! 423 00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,798 You're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. 424 00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,757 I'm surprised you can even walk. 425 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,759 What? Oh, God. No. 426 00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,239 They were all so drunk, they thought 427 00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,806 that jar of coconut butter was, you know, me. 428 00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:50,808 -[laughs] -Oh. 429 00:17:50,852 --> 00:17:52,158 [gasps] Oh. Well, 430 00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,508 as long as you charged everybody full price. 431 00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:56,205 [chuckles] Right? 432 00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,381 Then you should have a lot of money to give me? 433 00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:00,296 Ugh. About that... 434 00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:02,820 I've decided that from now on, 435 00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:05,214 -I'm keeping all of it. -Excuse me?! 436 00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,738 Yeah, because your cop buddy lives in a barrel now, 437 00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:10,306 and this stupid island is under an occupying power, 438 00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:11,916 all of whom are heavily armed, 439 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,658 and basically totally in love with me. 440 00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:16,269 Fur dich, Fraulein! 441 00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:19,185 Aw! Oh. 442 00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:25,234 So go make me some goddamn breakfast. 443 00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:26,844 -[engine sputtering] -ARCHER: Besides, getting back 444 00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:28,411 to the island is, like, the one thing 445 00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:30,848 -we don't have to worry about. -Yeah, exactly, so... 446 00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:32,241 Wait. What? 447 00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,678 [engine sputtering] 448 00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:36,854 Damn it! Well, the good news is, 449 00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:39,118 at least it's a seaplane, right? 450 00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:41,424 -Well, I mean it was. -What?! 451 00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:44,949 Goddamn it! Goddamn it if you... 452 00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:47,474 Oh, shut up. Come on. If anybody can crash-land a plane, 453 00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:49,128 it's me, right? Huh? 454 00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:51,478 With all my experience? Pam? 455 00:18:51,521 --> 00:18:53,132 Then get it over with! 456 00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,090 Oh, okay. I guess just pout. 457 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,222 [wind whistling] 458 00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:57,527 -Pam? -I am. 459 00:18:57,571 --> 00:18:59,355 Okay, then here goes. 460 00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:03,185 [Archer and Pam yelling] 461 00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:04,752 [Archer groans] 462 00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:06,493 [both yelling] 463 00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,453 ARCHER: Woooohoohoooo!! 464 00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,455 Bocadas de mierda! 465 00:19:12,499 --> 00:19:14,240 And did you see that, Pam?! 466 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,372 Also perfect. 467 00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:18,592 Who wins, huh? Archer wins. 468 00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:20,376 Yeah. This is a win for you? 469 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,378 Not just for me, Pam. 470 00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:24,989 For America. 471 00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:27,427 And those hapless Spanish communists. 472 00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:31,953 Well? So now what? 473 00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:34,695 So now, since we've only got one flare, 474 00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,305 I'm gonna shoot their leader with it, 475 00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:39,047 and then, when the rest of them go into a feeding frenzy, 476 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:40,875 you and me are gonna make a run for it. 477 00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:42,442 -What?! -[laughs] I'm kidding, 478 00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,618 -you big dumb idiot. -[shoots flare] 479 00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,533 [Pam sighs heavily] 480 00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:49,840 -You know... -[Archer laughs] 481 00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:23,787 MAN: Made in Georgia. 482 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,793 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 483 00:20:33,057 --> 00:20:35,799 ANNOUNCER: Will they survive Danger Island? 484 00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:37,888 [crying] We are going to die up here. 485 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:40,326 -No, we're not! -Yeah. [chuckles] It's the ground that kills ya. 486 00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:41,501 Thanks. 487 00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:43,503 ANNOUNCER: Archer Danger Island. 488 00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:46,245 All new, Wednesdays at 10:00. Only on FXX. 33976

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