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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,617 PAM: Oh, please, get serious. 2 00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:11,098 I'm plenty serious. That was the very definition 3 00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:12,925 of a sucker punch. 4 00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:14,971 Well, even if it was-- which it wasn't-- 5 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,625 you would've deserved it. 6 00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:19,541 For what, saving your dumb ass from giant lizards? 7 00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,195 Giant lizards I wouldn't have had to deal with... 8 00:00:21,238 --> 00:00:22,718 You call that dealing with? 9 00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:25,329 ...if you'd fixed the goddamn fuel pump. 10 00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,157 Oh, okay. 11 00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:29,159 So it's all my fault. 12 00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,682 Yes. 13 00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:33,207 Well, still a sucker punch. 14 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:35,905 -Ow! -[laughing]: Now, that's a sucker pun... 15 00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:37,994 Ow! Son of a... 16 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,343 Ow! Goddamn it! 17 00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:43,347 [both grunting] 18 00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:44,522 Hang on. Wait. 19 00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,089 -Stop it. -What? 20 00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,743 That. 21 00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:49,223 [sighs] 22 00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:50,441 [propellers clunking] 23 00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:51,355 Goddamn it. 24 00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,666 What? 25 00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,320 And, frankly, I really don't see 26 00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:01,017 how this is any of your business. 27 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,106 What are you... I own the business. 28 00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:06,022 -I meant... -And I own that business over there. 29 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,329 And I own this business. 30 00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:09,808 You don't own the police station. 31 00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:11,114 -Yeah. -Well, I... 32 00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,550 Shut up. And, Mother, I think 33 00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,030 we're losing sight of how amazing 34 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,814 that landing would've been if, you know... 35 00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:17,338 -It worked? -Right? 36 00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:19,166 And if ifs and buts were candy and nuts, 37 00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:21,733 -we'd all have a merry Christmas. -Aw. 38 00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,126 And maybe Santa would bring me 39 00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:26,390 a new $60,000 seaplane. 40 00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,392 Don't be so dramatic, she's not a total loss, 41 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:29,828 she just needs new wings. 42 00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,395 -[coughs] And a fuel pump. -Woman. 43 00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:33,267 Shipped out here from the States. 44 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,051 God knows when. 45 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,402 It took three months to get new tubes for the damn radio. 46 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:41,275 And God knows how much it'll cost. 47 00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:42,711 Well, and the airplane factory, 48 00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,365 presumably, would know. 49 00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:45,627 You're paying for them. 50 00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,194 Well, but you own the business. 51 00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:49,979 Which I will liquidate like a piña colada. 52 00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:51,589 You're paying for them. 53 00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,374 -But... -And in the meantime, 54 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,593 you'd better figure out how to replace the money 55 00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:58,379 I won't be making on Archer Airways, 56 00:01:58,422 --> 00:02:00,555 or you can just pack your suitcase! 57 00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:01,991 [Ray harrumphs] 58 00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:04,385 It happens to be a duffel bag! 59 00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,387 -That's tellin' her. -Eh. 60 00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,432 Now, move this aeroplane from la rue. 61 00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:09,433 From what? 62 00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:10,826 La rue! La rue! 63 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:13,872 What the hell's la rue? 64 00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:16,527 I think it's, like, a-a base for sauces? 65 00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,921 You know, like, for gravy or whatever? 66 00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,584 ♪ 67 00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,448 ARCHER: [grunting] 68 00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,798 So, I'm thinking new wings for Lucy 69 00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:12,453 are gon... gonna cost about five grand. 70 00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,368 PAM: Which we don't have. 71 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,413 ARCHER: And which we can't make without Lucy. 72 00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:17,849 We got to fly to make money, 73 00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:19,677 but we got to have the money to fly, so... 74 00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:22,376 Yeah, that's a real Catch-22. 75 00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:25,509 Uh, I don't think that's a thing yet. 76 00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,772 So, money: any ideas? 77 00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:30,384 Mmm... nope. 78 00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:31,733 Come on, let's just spitball it. 79 00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,256 -Nope. -Pam. 80 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,389 -No. -Come on, there are no bad ideas. 81 00:03:35,432 --> 00:03:37,478 Oh, well, isn't that a change? 82 00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:39,915 -What is? -All of a sudden it's anything goes. 83 00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:41,612 -What are you...? -No bad ideas? 84 00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:43,397 Oh, Jesus Christ. 85 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,486 Are you talking about... That was a terrible idea. 86 00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:46,922 No, it wasn't. 87 00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,532 We were the laughingstock of the Andes. 88 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:52,101 -And we lost our asses. -Okay, yeah, I mean, 89 00:03:52,144 --> 00:03:54,277 maybe it was a little ahead of its time, but... 90 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:57,324 -Oh, my God. -It was local, it was sustainable. 91 00:03:57,367 --> 00:04:00,457 -It was rats. -It wasn't rats. 92 00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:03,373 [blows raspberry] 93 00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:06,550 ARCHER: Dos por uno, dos por uno. 94 00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,509 Chinchilladas. 95 00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:12,948 El sabor sensación que está barriendo la nación. 96 00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:17,082 [sighs] Goddamn it. 97 00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:19,781 Plus, the fur farms practically gave us the meat for free. 98 00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,131 It's probably free at the glue factory, 99 00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,133 it doesn't mean people want to eat it. 100 00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:25,961 Because it's broken-down old horse meat. 101 00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:27,354 Chinchilla, on the other hand, 102 00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:28,572 is some of the finest fur you can buy. 103 00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:31,009 So is mink. But people don't eat it. 104 00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:33,534 -I've eaten mink. -I do not doubt that. 105 00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:36,798 How was it? 106 00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,539 Minky. 107 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,237 MALORY: All right, Miss Priss, 108 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,761 -let's go, let's see the goods. -CHERYL: Oh, all right, 109 00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:47,112 but be nice-- I didn't have much to work with. 110 00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,984 You can say that again. 111 00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:50,551 Can't you pad it with something? 112 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,553 -Pad what? -Your brassiere. 113 00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,598 No! I meant my wardrobe. 114 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,339 I packed for a honeymoon, not a... 115 00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,559 a descent into profound and lasting shame. 116 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:03,433 You're still gonna want to pad it. 117 00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:05,217 Why not? You heard your mom-- 118 00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:06,567 there's obviously a demand. 119 00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:08,133 Because I don't think it's feasible 120 00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,048 to build a radio tube factory here. 121 00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:11,963 Yeah, there's probably zoning issues. 122 00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:13,400 That's your number one concern? 123 00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:14,575 I haven't ranked them. 124 00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:17,012 Well, mine is rickets, and scurvy, and scabies, 125 00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:20,450 and whatever other bullshit diseases poor people get. 126 00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,279 Hmm. 127 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,498 I wonder if that idol's worth anything. 128 00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,587 Wait, what? What-what idol? 129 00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:28,371 I don't know. In the jungle, the princess and the Kraut 130 00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:29,981 were talking about some kind of idol. 131 00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,593 -What kind of idol? -Some kind. I dunno, they didn't... 132 00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:33,637 -Like a native idol? -They... 133 00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,422 So that's why that little German sneak 134 00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,641 is on the island. Are we talking jade? 135 00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:39,513 Emerald? Ruby? 136 00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:40,644 [gasps] Gold? 137 00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:41,819 They didn't say. 138 00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,560 I bet it's a gold monkey. 139 00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,388 No. Not a gold monkey. 140 00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,216 -You don't know that. -Yes, I do. 141 00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:48,739 Not a gold monkey. 142 00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:50,393 But it could be gold, though. 143 00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,830 Yeah, I guess, as long as it's not monkey-shaped. 144 00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:55,180 -What are we talking about? -Why you're not a dog. 145 00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:56,791 -Shut up, dodos. -Flightless. 146 00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,445 -So where is it? -I don't know. 147 00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:00,011 -Where's what? -The idol. 148 00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:01,404 Ooh. 149 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:02,971 But since they had us fly 'em around 150 00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:05,016 over the jungle... 151 00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:08,063 Oh, for... I assume it's in the jungle. 152 00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:10,108 A golden idol, somewhere in the jungle. 153 00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:12,633 I bet it's worth millions. 154 00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:16,027 CYRIL: I think you must sharpen your pencil. 155 00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:18,465 -Excuse me? -Sharpen your pencil? 156 00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:19,988 It is idiom? 157 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:22,904 -This is a fairly common phrase, no? -No. 158 00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:26,560 It means there's a problem with your arithmetic. 159 00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:29,911 My government will pay 100,000 reichsmarks 160 00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:32,696 for the idol, undnot one pfennig more. 161 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,482 Hmm. I wonder how much Japan would pay. 162 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,484 What does Japan have to do with this? 163 00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:39,703 Well, I'm sure they'd like to lease an airfield on the island, 164 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,663 if, say, they ever declared war on America? 165 00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:43,664 Mein Gott. 166 00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:44,882 Are you serious? 167 00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:46,710 The French have subjugated my people 168 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:48,146 for a hundred years. 169 00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:50,845 I would do literally anything to be rid of them. 170 00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:53,674 Literally? Or figuratively? 171 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:56,241 Why? What did you have in mind? 172 00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:57,460 Oh. [chuckles] 173 00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:00,507 Well, it is hard to say. My mind is quite racing. 174 00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,596 There are many thoughts in there. 175 00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,511 Pick one. 176 00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:06,164 Perhaps we could pay... 177 00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,428 500,000? 178 00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:11,735 -Wait, what are you? -Shh. 179 00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,258 Pretending I'm on the phone. 180 00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:14,608 Hello, Japan? 181 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,653 Hi, yeah. So, listen... 182 00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:20,527 All right! One millionreichsmarks! 183 00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:23,138 Payable only once we have secured the idol. 184 00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:26,184 And so far, we have no idea where to even look for it. 185 00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:28,709 As for that, I found this 186 00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:31,625 hidden among my great-grandfather's papers. 187 00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:35,324 Fantastiche. So, do we have a deal? 188 00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,282 If, when the time comes, 189 00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:40,895 Germany helps my people overthrow the French. 190 00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:43,724 [chuckles] Ja, I think I can safely promise 191 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,683 that soon you won't have to worry about France. 192 00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:50,644 Then yes, Herr Sebert, we have a deal. 193 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,167 Wunderbar. 194 00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:53,560 Now then, I believe 195 00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:55,866 there was some mention of a pencil? 196 00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:59,783 Oh, ja, ich habe eine grosen Stift... 197 00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,742 I'll be the judge of that. 198 00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:03,134 [zips] 199 00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:09,010 ARCHER: Okay, Fuchs is renting a bungalow on the edge of town, 200 00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:11,360 so I say we break in, snoop around, 201 00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:12,709 and see what we can find out 202 00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,929 about this gold non-monkey. 203 00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,408 So, rob him. 204 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,888 Well, technically burgle, but... 205 00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:20,021 Shut up, but yeah. For clues. 206 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,632 Ooh, like, maybe there's a map. 207 00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:23,677 Yes. Like a treasure map. 208 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,809 Yeah, right, with a big X on it, 209 00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:28,029 treasure chest, skull-and-bones. 210 00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:29,726 Don't be shitty. And also, 211 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:32,729 why would the map have pirate shit all over it? 212 00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:35,123 Well, we are in the shipping lane. 213 00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,690 LANA: So, you weren't 214 00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:39,910 kidding around about that pencil, huh? 215 00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:42,565 -That is not a topic for levity. -Fair enough. 216 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:44,393 It is interesting-- I notice that, 217 00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:46,134 even in the throes of passion, 218 00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,745 you have no trace of a Polynesian accent. 219 00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,834 Well, that's because I was sent away to boarding school 220 00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:53,707 in the States when I was five, all the way through college. 221 00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:56,057 Undyet you mention alliance with Japan. 222 00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,667 I would think your affinity 223 00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,669 would lie with the United States. 224 00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:03,238 Right, because that worked out so well for Hawaii. 225 00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:04,631 I always found it ironic that 226 00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:06,807 if you really want to get bent over, 227 00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:08,591 just ask a missionary. 228 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:11,028 [coughs] Fair enough. 229 00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:14,684 So why is the German government so interested in the tupua? 230 00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,730 -The...? -Tupua. The idol. 231 00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,601 Oh. Well, umm... 232 00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,603 Oh, don't worry about them. 233 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:23,606 In order join the royal guards, when they're 12 years old, 234 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,652 they have to agree to have their tongues cut out, so... 235 00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:26,740 Gott im Himmel! 236 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,742 [chuckling] That was a joke. 237 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,439 Oh, sorry, I, uh... 238 00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:33,050 [chuckling] Wow, ethnocentric much? 239 00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:35,749 Tu'ua i matou. 240 00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:37,446 So, tupua-- 241 00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:38,752 Germany's interest in? 242 00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:41,537 Ah, yes, well, the Fuührer, um... 243 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,408 -The Charlie Chaplin guy? -Nein! 244 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:45,062 [clears throat] Nein. 245 00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:47,064 We never, ever say this thing. 246 00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:48,849 -Really? -Trust me. 247 00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:50,894 Anyway, the Fuührer is, 248 00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:53,723 um, a bit of an anthropology buff. 249 00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,638 And so Germany will build a museum. 250 00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:58,989 -Fair enough. -The most powerful museum in the world! 251 00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:01,513 [clears throat] For children 252 00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:02,993 of all ages. 253 00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,691 ARCHER: Okay, so here's the plan. 254 00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,257 We need to keep Fuchs 255 00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:08,564 away from his bungalow for a few hours, 256 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,871 so after he finishes eating dinner here... 257 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,002 How do you know he's gonna eat here? 258 00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,439 [chuckling] Where else is he gonna eat? 259 00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:15,702 Luigi's? 260 00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,617 ♪ 261 00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,752 [sighs] 262 00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:24,232 I like Luigi's. 263 00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,451 Yeah, you're also teeming with mites. 264 00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:27,757 Not teeming. 265 00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,454 So, shut up. After dinner, 266 00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:31,239 we need to make sure he stays here. 267 00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:32,806 M'kay. 268 00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:34,677 Don't you want to know how? 269 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,898 -I'd like to know what, and why. -What? 270 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,813 What are you goofs doing here, 271 00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:42,946 and, follow up, why are you doing it here? 272 00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:44,948 For your information, we're working on a plan 273 00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:48,517 to earn enough money to pay you, and to get new wings, so... 274 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,388 It better not be chinchilladas! 275 00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:51,912 -Oh, my God. -[laughing]: Oh, my God. 276 00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:54,088 -See? -Chinchilladas? 277 00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:56,090 I'd forgotten all about that. 278 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,700 It's not chinchilladas! 279 00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,267 KRIEGER [laughing]: Jesus Christ... 280 00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:01,965 Well, whatever it is, do it somewhere else. 281 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,619 -We can't. -Why not? 282 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,882 -Hey. -Because we want to hire her. 283 00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,405 Wait, what? 284 00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:08,929 Wait, ew! Who is "we"? 285 00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,495 -Like, wewe, or... -Yeah. 286 00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,846 No, not... It's for after dinner. 287 00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:14,804 -Oh, right. -That makes more sense. 288 00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,328 We want her to entertain the Kraut for an hour or so. 289 00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:19,374 That greasy little German guy? No! 290 00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:20,897 Why are you talking? 291 00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:23,508 All right, A: what are you up to? 292 00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:25,859 And B: what's it got to do with Fuchs? 293 00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:28,557 A: nothing, and B: also nothing. 294 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,125 -For one hour? A thousand francs. -What? 295 00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:32,996 -Wait, is that a lot? -Yes. 296 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:33,954 -That depends... -Yes! 297 00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,782 ...on if you think 35 bucks is a lot. 298 00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,000 -What? -Right? 299 00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,872 Well, we have to see what the market will bear... 300 00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:40,874 And if I only get 40%... 301 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:43,615 [gasps] 14 goddamn dollars? 302 00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:46,183 Well, minus your room and board, 303 00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:49,970 so let's just call it an even... nine. 304 00:11:50,013 --> 00:11:51,362 Nine dollars? 305 00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,625 To have sexual intercourse. 306 00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:54,931 With a total stranger. 307 00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:56,846 I don't know why you're so pissed, 308 00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:58,892 I was a stranger and you banged me for free. 309 00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:01,372 Yeah, well, at least with him I get two eyeballs. 310 00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:02,809 Hey! 311 00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:04,462 One thousand, please. In advance. 312 00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:05,986 [scoffs] Where is the trust? 313 00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:08,162 Where is the money? 314 00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:09,859 [sighs] Pam? 315 00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:12,906 What? Aw, man. 316 00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:16,126 I was saving that for a whole big girlie treat day for myself. 317 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:19,042 Go to the beauty parlor, get a new dress... 318 00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,870 No one cares. 319 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:25,832 Teeming. 320 00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,224 CYRIL: One for dinner, please. 321 00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,574 Undtell the chef I want 322 00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:33,274 the biggest steak in the house, rare undbloody. 323 00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:36,451 I must replenish my Lebenskraft. 324 00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:37,713 [shudders] 325 00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,194 [chuckling]: Try not to fall in love. 326 00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:41,804 And you might as well start now, 327 00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,980 see if you can get a free meal out of it. 328 00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:46,069 You said my board's included. 329 00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:47,941 Just the continental breakfast, dear. 330 00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:49,943 -Wh...? -[gasp] Free bear claws! 331 00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:51,858 -[growling] -[meowing] 332 00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,472 [clears throat] 333 00:12:57,515 --> 00:12:58,865 [meows softly] 334 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:05,872 CHERYL [slurring]: So, breadfruit-- 335 00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,961 what's that about? 336 00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,876 Oh, about one kilo, on average. 337 00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:12,443 That was a joke. 338 00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,097 [laughs] 339 00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:15,882 Hey, are you gonna eat 340 00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:17,622 those potatoes and stuff or whatever? 341 00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:19,015 Ja. 342 00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:20,887 Because I should probably maybe eat something. 343 00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:23,454 -I'm getting kinda drunk. -Ja. 344 00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:24,847 [whispers]: And sometimes when I'm drunk, 345 00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,850 I can get a little crazy. 346 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,069 Ja? 347 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:30,679 Ja. 348 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,942 So I at least need a haircut. 349 00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:33,900 [hiccups] Care-cut. 350 00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:34,988 [hiccups] Carrot. 351 00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,293 Oh. Heh. 352 00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:37,904 Don't worry, Liebchen... 353 00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:41,995 I have eine grose Karotte for you. 354 00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:43,561 Wow. [hiccups] 355 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,476 How are you still single? 356 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,871 ARCHER: Okay, Crackers, this is where 357 00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:51,700 -you come in. You see that bathroom window? -Yup. 358 00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:54,355 I want you to fly in there and then meet us at the front door. 359 00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:57,140 Yup. 360 00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:58,925 -And keep it down. -KRIEGER: Yup, yup, yup. 361 00:13:58,968 --> 00:13:59,969 [sighs] It's like if a... 362 00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,014 -[glass shatters] -[gasps] 363 00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,885 -KRIEGER [whispering]: sorry. -ARCHER: Goddamn it. 364 00:14:02,929 --> 00:14:04,365 KRIEGER: Sorry! Jesus. 365 00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:05,845 Come on, let's go. 366 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,459 -[glass shatters] -I swear to God... 367 00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:13,374 And you know they live to be like, 80. 368 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:15,550 -How old's he? -Like 40? 369 00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:17,247 -[crashing] -Ugh. 370 00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:18,814 [whispers] Goddamn it, bird. 371 00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,294 KRIEGER: Well, who puts that there? 372 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:21,904 Are you in position? 373 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,514 KRIEGER: For what? 374 00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:25,342 -To open the door! -KRIEGER: What? 375 00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,605 Open the goddamn door! 376 00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:28,693 KRIEGER: How? 377 00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:29,738 What do you mean, how? 378 00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:31,392 Yeah, what was your plan there? 379 00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,089 I don't know, jump on the handle. 380 00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,699 KRIEGER: It's a knob. 381 00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:35,831 Clearly a knob. 382 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,093 [sighs] Oh, my God. 383 00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,747 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 384 00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,792 Okay, let me think. 385 00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:42,272 -What-what if we... -[glass shatters] 386 00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,492 Wh...? Why would you do that? 387 00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:46,146 Because we don't have all night. 388 00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:47,495 We also don't want Fuchs to know 389 00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:49,192 somebody broke into his house. 390 00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:51,368 KRIEGER: Oh, he's gonna know. 391 00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:53,936 CYRIL: Offne deinen mund, mein Liebchen. 392 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:57,026 Hier kommt der Zug in den Bahnhof. 393 00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:59,115 [drunkenly imitates train whistle] 394 00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:02,118 -[grunts] -And how is everything, Miss Vandertunt? 395 00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,990 [mumbles] 396 00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,340 Wonderful, wonderful. 397 00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:08,342 And would you and your guest care to enjoy 398 00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:11,519 brandy and cigars in your room upstairs? 399 00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:12,781 [growls] 400 00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:15,958 Ja,we will enjoy this very much. 401 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:18,613 [imitates train whistle] 402 00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:19,788 [laughs] 403 00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,398 Because why are you so mad? 404 00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,661 Because why'd you shit on the sofa? 405 00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:25,750 -I was scared. -Of what? 406 00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:28,014 How mad you'd be that I shit on the sofa. 407 00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:29,885 Bird, I swear... Ow! 408 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,321 -What the...? -PAM: What is it? 409 00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:34,803 It happens to be a large brown suitcase, Pam. 410 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,848 With some kind of spy radio inside. 411 00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:39,155 -Dun dun dun! -Bird. 412 00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:40,765 Knock it off, you licknuts. 413 00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:43,072 And come here, look at all this shit. 414 00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:44,987 -What the...? -PAM: Right? 415 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,684 And check this out... 416 00:15:46,728 --> 00:15:48,164 ARCHER: What's it all mean? 417 00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,687 Beats me, but I'm thinking 418 00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:52,342 that Kraut is into some weird shit. 419 00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:53,996 [coughs] Redundant. 420 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,084 [jazz playing over record player] 421 00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,346 Ja, mein Liebchen, 422 00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,131 und wir tanzen... 423 00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,568 Und so schon ist der Jazz... 424 00:16:00,611 --> 00:16:03,484 Und Gott verdammt deisen Bustenhalter. 425 00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:04,920 Wait, what? 426 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,487 Und wir tanzen... 427 00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:07,618 [Pam gasps] 428 00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:10,012 And you guys, check this out. 429 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,232 ARCHER: Holy shit! That's the island! 430 00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:13,276 Gooosebumps. 431 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,496 Racist. All birds have bumps. 432 00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,367 ARCHER: And look, I bet that's the idol. 433 00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:18,412 [Pam gasps] 434 00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:20,022 Okay, come on, let's go. 435 00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:21,458 What're you...? No. We can't take the map. 436 00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,156 He'll know he got robbed. 437 00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:25,897 -Ya think? -Well, technically burgled, but... 438 00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:27,464 Bird! Pam, copy it. 439 00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,032 -The bird? The map! Goddamn it! 440 00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,252 You copy the map, we'll clean up all the mess. 441 00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,080 Man, where to start, right? 442 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,647 -[chokes] -Said the feather duster. 443 00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:37,997 CYRIL: [grunting] 444 00:16:39,911 --> 00:16:41,304 [panting]: Komm schon. 445 00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:42,958 -[thud, thumps] -Du doof Schlampe. 446 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:46,614 -[Cheryl snoring] -CYRIL: Wohl, das wird dich wecken. 447 00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:49,269 Son of a... Knock knock. 448 00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:50,487 Nein! Nein! 449 00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:52,924 Well, what have we here? 450 00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:54,839 Nothing! What do you want? 451 00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:56,754 I brought you some more brandy, but it looks like 452 00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:59,540 your hostess has already had a bit too much. 453 00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:01,411 -[Cheryl snoring] -Maybe we should let her sleep. 454 00:17:01,455 --> 00:17:03,239 She's fine. Get out. 455 00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:05,198 Let's let her sleep. 456 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:06,242 Gottverdammt,woman. 457 00:17:06,286 --> 00:17:08,201 Are you deaf or just stupid? 458 00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:09,854 Pick one. 459 00:17:09,898 --> 00:17:12,161 Manu, dear, could I borrow you? 460 00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:13,554 Would you be a little lamb 461 00:17:13,597 --> 00:17:16,687 and show Miss Vandertunt's guest to the door? 462 00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:19,125 Fine. Undfrom now on, 463 00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:21,953 I will eat die Scheisen-Pastaat Luigi's. 464 00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:24,043 Ugh! Luigi's. 465 00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:26,306 [sighs] 466 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,351 [mutters] 467 00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:31,180 Come on. Come on. 468 00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:32,921 Upsy daisy. 469 00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:35,358 Oh! 470 00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:38,100 Do I get my nine dollars now? 471 00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:39,362 No. 472 00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:41,756 [imitates train whistle] 473 00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:44,454 I cannot wait to find that verdammtidol 474 00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:46,891 and get off this Scheiseisland. 475 00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:49,111 Undwhy am I speaking English? 476 00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:51,026 ARCHER: Pam, how's the map? You almost done? 477 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:54,029 Hang on. West and east. 478 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,204 Yeah, okay, done. 479 00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,338 What the shit? 480 00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:00,905 Oh, I know, it's just getting worse. 481 00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,951 I said blot. Why didn't you blot? 482 00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:04,779 Why didn't I sew your asshole shut 483 00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,737 like a Christmas goddamn goose? 484 00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,130 -Huh? -What? 485 00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:09,827 -Is that not how they do it? -First of all, 486 00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:11,351 I'm pretty sure the asshole is gone, 487 00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:13,309 out of any bird way before you start cooking. 488 00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:15,355 -CYRIL: Was ist los? -[all gasp] 489 00:18:15,398 --> 00:18:17,922 Ach. Das fenster ist zerbrochen... 490 00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:19,272 [whispering]: Okay, we're going to plan B. 491 00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:21,143 What? No, I hate plan B. 492 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,406 We're doing plan B. 493 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,495 -[coughs] -And you better sell it, bird. 494 00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,149 Come on, out the back. 495 00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,544 Hallo? 496 00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:32,372 Aw, man... 497 00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:34,287 Okay, here goes. 498 00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:35,592 [Krieger squawking, wings flapping and thumping] 499 00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:36,767 [Cyril exclaiming] 500 00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:38,160 [laughing, low] Oh, man. 501 00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:39,727 Plan B is the best. 502 00:18:39,770 --> 00:18:42,730 CYRIL: Aagh! Fledermaus, fledermaus! 503 00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:44,123 [Krieger squawks] 504 00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:48,039 CYRIL: Excuse me? 505 00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,040 Come here, please. 506 00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,520 Si, signore? 507 00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,653 So, for context, last night I was attacked 508 00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:55,177 by what I can only assume was a giant jungle bat, 509 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,527 which did this to my face, and left me 510 00:18:57,571 --> 00:19:00,008 and my house covered in blood undshit. 511 00:19:00,051 --> 00:19:01,444 Ah. Terribile... 512 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:03,664 Ja ja,it was indeed terrible. 513 00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:07,189 But not compared to this breakfast! 514 00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,973 [sighs] 515 00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:11,889 And probably not compared to this goddamn map. 516 00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:13,804 Aw, come on, I was in a hurry. 517 00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:15,415 To suck? 518 00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:16,677 KRIEGER: I'll tell you what sucks... 519 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,636 [sharp inhale] Ooh. Being mistaken for a bat. 520 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,116 Ooh. 521 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,596 But not as much as that map. 522 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,861 ♪ 523 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:56,195 MAN: Made in Georgia. 524 00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:02,636 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 525 00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:07,380 ANNOUNCER: Beware Danger Island. 526 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:08,772 -Oh! -[shouting] 527 00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:13,647 [sighs]I am genuinely sorry. 528 00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:15,605 ANNOUNCER: Archer Danger Island. 529 00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,825 All-new, Wednesdays at 10:00. 530 00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:19,566 Only on FXX. 36811

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