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1
00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,617
PAM:
Oh, please, get serious.
2
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:11,098
I'm plenty serious.
That was the very definition
3
00:00:11,141 --> 00:00:12,925
of a sucker punch.
4
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:14,971
Well, even if it was--
which it wasn't--
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,625
you would've deserved it.
6
00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:19,541
For what, saving your dumb ass
from giant lizards?
7
00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,195
Giant lizards I wouldn't
have had to deal with...
8
00:00:21,238 --> 00:00:22,718
You call that dealing with?
9
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:25,329
...if you'd fixed
the goddamn fuel pump.
10
00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,157
Oh, okay.
11
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:29,159
So it's all my fault.
12
00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,682
Yes.
13
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:33,207
Well, still a sucker punch.
14
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:35,905
-Ow!
-[laughing]:
Now, that's a sucker pun...
15
00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:37,994
Ow! Son of a...
16
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,343
Ow!
Goddamn it!
17
00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:43,347
[both grunting]
18
00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:44,522
Hang on. Wait.
19
00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,089
-Stop it.
-What?
20
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,743
That.
21
00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:49,223
[sighs]
22
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:50,441
[propellers clunking]
23
00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:51,355
Goddamn it.
24
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,666
What?
25
00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,320
And, frankly, I really don't see
26
00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:01,017
how this is
any of your business.
27
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,106
What are you...
I own the business.
28
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:06,022
-I meant...
-And I own that
business over there.
29
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,329
And I own this business.
30
00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:09,808
You don't own
the police station.
31
00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:11,114
-Yeah.
-Well, I...
32
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,550
Shut up.
And, Mother, I think
33
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,030
we're losing sight
of how amazing
34
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,814
that landing would've been
if, you know...
35
00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:17,338
-It worked?
-Right?
36
00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:19,166
And if ifs and buts
were candy and nuts,
37
00:01:19,209 --> 00:01:21,733
-we'd all have
a merry Christmas.
-Aw.
38
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,126
And maybe Santa would bring me
39
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:26,390
a new $60,000 seaplane.
40
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,392
Don't be so dramatic,
she's not a total loss,
41
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:29,828
she just needs new wings.
42
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,395
-[coughs]
And a fuel pump.
-Woman.
43
00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:33,267
Shipped out here
from the States.
44
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,051
God knows when.
45
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,402
It took three months to get
new tubes for the damn radio.
46
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:41,275
And God knows
how much it'll cost.
47
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:42,711
Well, and the airplane factory,
48
00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,365
presumably, would know.
49
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:45,627
You're paying for them.
50
00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,194
Well, but you own
the business.
51
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:49,979
Which I will liquidate
like a piña colada.
52
00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:51,589
You're paying for them.
53
00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,374
-But...
-And in the meantime,
54
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,593
you'd better figure out
how to replace the money
55
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:58,379
I won't be making
on Archer Airways,
56
00:01:58,422 --> 00:02:00,555
or you can just
pack your suitcase!
57
00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:01,991
[Ray harrumphs]
58
00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:04,385
It happens to be a duffel bag!
59
00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,387
-That's tellin' her.
-Eh.
60
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,432
Now, move this aeroplane
from la rue.
61
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:09,433
From what?
62
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:10,826
La rue! La rue!
63
00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:13,872
What the hell's la rue?
64
00:02:13,916 --> 00:02:16,527
I think it's, like,
a-a base for sauces?
65
00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:18,921
You know, like,
for gravy or whatever?
66
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:29,584
♪
67
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,448
ARCHER:
[grunting]
68
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,798
So, I'm thinking
new wings for Lucy
69
00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:12,453
are gon... gonna cost
about five grand.
70
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:14,368
PAM:
Which we don't have.
71
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,413
ARCHER:
And which we can't
make without Lucy.
72
00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:17,849
We got to fly to make money,
73
00:03:17,893 --> 00:03:19,677
but we got to have
the money to fly, so...
74
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:22,376
Yeah, that's a real Catch-22.
75
00:03:22,419 --> 00:03:25,509
Uh, I don't think
that's a thing yet.
76
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,772
So, money: any ideas?
77
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:30,384
Mmm... nope.
78
00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:31,733
Come on,
let's just spitball it.
79
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,256
-Nope.
-Pam.
80
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,389
-No.
-Come on, there are
no bad ideas.
81
00:03:35,432 --> 00:03:37,478
Oh, well, isn't that a change?
82
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:39,915
-What is?
-All of a sudden
it's anything goes.
83
00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:41,612
-What are you...?
-No bad ideas?
84
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:43,397
Oh, Jesus Christ.
85
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,486
Are you talking about...
That was a terrible idea.
86
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:46,922
No, it wasn't.
87
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,532
We were the laughingstock
of the Andes.
88
00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:52,101
-And we lost our asses.
-Okay, yeah, I mean,
89
00:03:52,144 --> 00:03:54,277
maybe it was a little
ahead of its time, but...
90
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:57,324
-Oh, my God.
-It was local,
it was sustainable.
91
00:03:57,367 --> 00:04:00,457
-It was rats.
-It wasn't rats.
92
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:03,373
[blows raspberry]
93
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:06,550
ARCHER:
Dos por uno, dos por uno.
94
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,509
Chinchilladas.
95
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:12,948
El sabor sensación
que está barriendo la nación.
96
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:17,082
[sighs]
Goddamn it.
97
00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:19,781
Plus, the fur farms practically
gave us the meat for free.
98
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,131
It's probably free
at the glue factory,
99
00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,133
it doesn't mean
people want to eat it.
100
00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:25,961
Because it's broken-down
old horse meat.
101
00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:27,354
Chinchilla,
on the other hand,
102
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:28,572
is some of the finest fur
you can buy.
103
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:31,009
So is mink.
But people don't eat it.
104
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:33,534
-I've eaten mink.
-I do not doubt that.
105
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:36,798
How was it?
106
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,539
Minky.
107
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,237
MALORY:
All right, Miss Priss,
108
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,761
-let's go, let's see the goods.
-CHERYL:
Oh, all right,
109
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:47,112
but be nice--
I didn't have much to work with.
110
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,984
You can say that again.
111
00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:50,551
Can't you pad it with something?
112
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,553
-Pad what?
-Your brassiere.
113
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,598
No!
I meant my wardrobe.
114
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,339
I packed
for a honeymoon, not a...
115
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,559
a descent into profound
and lasting shame.
116
00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:03,433
You're still
gonna want to pad it.
117
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:05,217
Why not?
You heard your mom--
118
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:06,567
there's obviously a demand.
119
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:08,133
Because I don't
think it's feasible
120
00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:10,048
to build
a radio tube factory here.
121
00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:11,963
Yeah, there's probably
zoning issues.
122
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:13,400
That's your number one concern?
123
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:14,575
I haven't ranked them.
124
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:17,012
Well, mine is rickets,
and scurvy, and scabies,
125
00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:20,450
and whatever other bullshit
diseases poor people get.
126
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,279
Hmm.
127
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,498
I wonder if that idol's
worth anything.
128
00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,587
Wait, what?
What-what idol?
129
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:28,371
I don't know. In the jungle,
the princess and the Kraut
130
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:29,981
were talking
about some kind of idol.
131
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,593
-What kind of idol?
-Some kind. I dunno,
they didn't...
132
00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:33,637
-Like a native idol?
-They...
133
00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,422
So that's why
that little German sneak
134
00:05:35,465 --> 00:05:37,641
is on the island.
Are we talking jade?
135
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:39,513
Emerald? Ruby?
136
00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:40,644
[gasps]
Gold?
137
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:41,819
They didn't say.
138
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,560
I bet it's a gold monkey.
139
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,388
No. Not a gold monkey.
140
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,216
-You don't know that.
-Yes, I do.
141
00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:48,739
Not a gold monkey.
142
00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:50,393
But it could be gold, though.
143
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,830
Yeah, I guess, as long
as it's not monkey-shaped.
144
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:55,180
-What are we talking about?
-Why you're not a dog.
145
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:56,791
-Shut up, dodos.
-Flightless.
146
00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,445
-So where is it?
-I don't know.
147
00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:00,011
-Where's what?
-The idol.
148
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:01,404
Ooh.
149
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:02,971
But since they had us
fly 'em around
150
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:05,016
over the jungle...
151
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:08,063
Oh, for...
I assume it's in the jungle.
152
00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:10,108
A golden idol,
somewhere in the jungle.
153
00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:12,633
I bet it's worth millions.
154
00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:16,027
CYRIL:
I think you must
sharpen your pencil.
155
00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:18,465
-Excuse me?
-Sharpen your pencil?
156
00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:19,988
It is idiom?
157
00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:22,904
-This is a fairly
common phrase, no?
-No.
158
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:26,560
It means there's
a problem with your arithmetic.
159
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:29,911
My government will pay
100,000 reichsmarks
160
00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:32,696
for the idol,
undnot one pfennig more.
161
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,482
Hmm. I wonder how much
Japan would pay.
162
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,484
What does Japan
have to do with this?
163
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:39,703
Well, I'm sure they'd like to
lease an airfield on the island,
164
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,663
if, say, they ever
declared war on America?
165
00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:43,664
Mein Gott.
166
00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:44,882
Are you serious?
167
00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:46,710
The French have
subjugated my people
168
00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:48,146
for a hundred years.
169
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:50,845
I would do literally
anything to be rid of them.
170
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:53,674
Literally?
Or figuratively?
171
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:56,241
Why? What did you have in mind?
172
00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:57,460
Oh. [chuckles]
173
00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:00,507
Well, it is hard to say.
My mind is quite racing.
174
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,596
There are
many thoughts in there.
175
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,511
Pick one.
176
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:06,164
Perhaps we could pay...
177
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,428
500,000?
178
00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:11,735
-Wait, what are you?
-Shh.
179
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:13,258
Pretending I'm on the phone.
180
00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:14,608
Hello, Japan?
181
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,653
Hi, yeah.
So, listen...
182
00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:20,527
All right!
One millionreichsmarks!
183
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:23,138
Payable only once we have
secured the idol.
184
00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:26,184
And so far, we have no idea
where to even look for it.
185
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:28,709
As for that, I found this
186
00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:31,625
hidden among
my great-grandfather's papers.
187
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:35,324
Fantastiche.
So, do we have a deal?
188
00:07:35,367 --> 00:07:37,282
If, when the time comes,
189
00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:40,895
Germany helps my people
overthrow the French.
190
00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:43,724
[chuckles] Ja,
I think I can safely promise
191
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:46,683
that soon you won't
have to worry about France.
192
00:07:46,727 --> 00:07:50,644
Then yes, Herr Sebert,
we have a deal.
193
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,167
Wunderbar.
194
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:53,560
Now then, I believe
195
00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:55,866
there was some mention
of a pencil?
196
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:59,783
Oh, ja, ich habe
eine grosen Stift...
197
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,742
I'll be the judge of that.
198
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:03,134
[zips]
199
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:09,010
ARCHER:
Okay, Fuchs is renting
a bungalow on the edge of town,
200
00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:11,360
so I say we break in,
snoop around,
201
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:12,709
and see what we can find out
202
00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:14,929
about this gold non-monkey.
203
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,408
So, rob him.
204
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,888
Well, technically burgle, but...
205
00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:20,021
Shut up, but yeah.
For clues.
206
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,632
Ooh, like, maybe there's a map.
207
00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:23,677
Yes.
Like a treasure map.
208
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,809
Yeah, right, with a big X on it,
209
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:28,029
treasure chest, skull-and-bones.
210
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:29,726
Don't be shitty.
And also,
211
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:32,729
why would the map
have pirate shit all over it?
212
00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:35,123
Well, we are
in the shipping lane.
213
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:36,690
LANA:
So, you weren't
214
00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:39,910
kidding around
about that pencil, huh?
215
00:08:39,954 --> 00:08:42,565
-That is not
a topic for levity.
-Fair enough.
216
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:44,393
It is interesting--
I notice that,
217
00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:46,134
even in the throes of passion,
218
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,745
you have no trace
of a Polynesian accent.
219
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,834
Well, that's because I was
sent away to boarding school
220
00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:53,707
in the States when I was five,
all the way through college.
221
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:56,057
Undyet you mention
alliance with Japan.
222
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,667
I would think your affinity
223
00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,669
would lie with
the United States.
224
00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:03,238
Right, because that
worked out so well for Hawaii.
225
00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:04,631
I always found it ironic that
226
00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:06,807
if you really
want to get bent over,
227
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:08,591
just ask a missionary.
228
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:11,028
[coughs]
Fair enough.
229
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:14,684
So why is the German government
so interested in the tupua?
230
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,730
-The...?
-Tupua. The idol.
231
00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,601
Oh. Well, umm...
232
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,603
Oh, don't worry about them.
233
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:23,606
In order join the royal guards,
when they're 12 years old,
234
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,652
they have to agree to have
their tongues cut out, so...
235
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:26,740
Gott im Himmel!
236
00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,742
[chuckling]
That was a joke.
237
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:30,439
Oh, sorry, I, uh...
238
00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:33,050
[chuckling]
Wow, ethnocentric much?
239
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:35,749
Tu'ua i matou.
240
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:37,446
So, tupua--
241
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:38,752
Germany's interest in?
242
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:41,537
Ah, yes, well,
the Fuührer, um...
243
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,408
-The Charlie Chaplin guy?
-Nein!
244
00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:45,062
[clears throat]
Nein.
245
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:47,064
We never, ever say this thing.
246
00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:48,849
-Really?
-Trust me.
247
00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:50,894
Anyway, the Fuührer is,
248
00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:53,723
um, a bit of
an anthropology buff.
249
00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:55,638
And so Germany
will build a museum.
250
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:58,989
-Fair enough.
-The most powerful
museum in the world!
251
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:01,513
[clears throat]
For children
252
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:02,993
of all ages.
253
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,691
ARCHER:
Okay, so here's the plan.
254
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,257
We need to keep Fuchs
255
00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:08,564
away from his bungalow
for a few hours,
256
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,871
so after he finishes
eating dinner here...
257
00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,002
How do you know
he's gonna eat here?
258
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,439
[chuckling]
Where else is he gonna eat?
259
00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:15,702
Luigi's?
260
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,617
♪
261
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,752
[sighs]
262
00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:24,232
I like Luigi's.
263
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,451
Yeah, you're also
teeming with mites.
264
00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:27,757
Not teeming.
265
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,454
So, shut up.
After dinner,
266
00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:31,239
we need to make sure
he stays here.
267
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:32,806
M'kay.
268
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:34,677
Don't you want to know how?
269
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,898
-I'd like to know
what, and why.
-What?
270
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:39,813
What are you goofs doing here,
271
00:10:39,856 --> 00:10:42,946
and, follow up,
why are you doing it here?
272
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:44,948
For your information,
we're working on a plan
273
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:48,517
to earn enough money to pay you,
and to get new wings, so...
274
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,388
It better not be chinchilladas!
275
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:51,912
-Oh, my God.
-[laughing]: Oh, my God.
276
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:54,088
-See?
-Chinchilladas?
277
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:56,090
I'd forgotten all about that.
278
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:57,700
It's not chinchilladas!
279
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,267
KRIEGER [laughing]:
Jesus Christ...
280
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:01,965
Well, whatever it is,
do it somewhere else.
281
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,619
-We can't.
-Why not?
282
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,882
-Hey.
-Because we want to hire her.
283
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,405
Wait, what?
284
00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:08,929
Wait, ew!
Who is "we"?
285
00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,495
-Like, wewe, or...
-Yeah.
286
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,846
No, not...
It's for after dinner.
287
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:14,804
-Oh, right.
-That makes more sense.
288
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,328
We want her to entertain
the Kraut for an hour or so.
289
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:19,374
That greasy little German guy?
No!
290
00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:20,897
Why are you talking?
291
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:23,508
All right, A:
what are you up to?
292
00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:25,859
And B: what's it
got to do with Fuchs?
293
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:28,557
A: nothing,
and B: also nothing.
294
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,125
-For one hour?
A thousand francs.
-What?
295
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:32,996
-Wait, is that a lot?
-Yes.
296
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:33,954
-That depends...
-Yes!
297
00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,782
...on if you think
35 bucks is a lot.
298
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:37,000
-What?
-Right?
299
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,872
Well, we have to see
what the market will bear...
300
00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:40,874
And if I only get 40%...
301
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:43,615
[gasps]
14 goddamn dollars?
302
00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:46,183
Well, minus your room and board,
303
00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:49,970
so let's just call it
an even... nine.
304
00:11:50,013 --> 00:11:51,362
Nine dollars?
305
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,625
To have sexual intercourse.
306
00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:54,931
With a total stranger.
307
00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:56,846
I don't know
why you're so pissed,
308
00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:58,892
I was a stranger
and you banged me for free.
309
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:01,372
Yeah, well, at least with him
I get two eyeballs.
310
00:12:01,416 --> 00:12:02,809
Hey!
311
00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:04,462
One thousand, please.
In advance.
312
00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:05,986
[scoffs]
Where is the trust?
313
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:08,162
Where is the money?
314
00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:09,859
[sighs]
Pam?
315
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:12,906
What?
Aw, man.
316
00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:16,126
I was saving that for a whole
big girlie treat day for myself.
317
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:19,042
Go to the beauty parlor,
get a new dress...
318
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,870
No one cares.
319
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:25,832
Teeming.
320
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,224
CYRIL:
One for dinner, please.
321
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,574
Undtell the chef I want
322
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:33,274
the biggest steak in the house,
rare undbloody.
323
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:36,451
I must replenish
my Lebenskraft.
324
00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:37,713
[shudders]
325
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:40,194
[chuckling]:
Try not to fall in love.
326
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:41,804
And you might as well start now,
327
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,980
see if you can
get a free meal out of it.
328
00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:46,069
You said my board's included.
329
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:47,941
Just the continental
breakfast, dear.
330
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:49,943
-Wh...?
-[gasp] Free bear claws!
331
00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:51,858
-[growling]
-[meowing]
332
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,472
[clears throat]
333
00:12:57,515 --> 00:12:58,865
[meows softly]
334
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:05,872
CHERYL [slurring]:
So, breadfruit--
335
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,961
what's that about?
336
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,876
Oh, about one kilo, on average.
337
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:12,443
That was a joke.
338
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,097
[laughs]
339
00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:15,882
Hey, are you gonna eat
340
00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:17,622
those potatoes
and stuff or whatever?
341
00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:19,015
Ja.
342
00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:20,887
Because I should probably
maybe eat something.
343
00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:23,454
-I'm getting kinda drunk.
-Ja.
344
00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:24,847
[whispers]:
And sometimes when I'm drunk,
345
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,850
I can get a little crazy.
346
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,069
Ja?
347
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:30,679
Ja.
348
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,942
So I at least need a haircut.
349
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:33,900
[hiccups]
Care-cut.
350
00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:34,988
[hiccups]
Carrot.
351
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,293
Oh. Heh.
352
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:37,904
Don't worry, Liebchen...
353
00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:41,995
I have eine grose Karotte
for you.
354
00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:43,561
Wow.
[hiccups]
355
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,476
How are you still single?
356
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:48,871
ARCHER:
Okay, Crackers, this is where
357
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:51,700
-you come in.
You see that bathroom window?
-Yup.
358
00:13:51,743 --> 00:13:54,355
I want you to fly in there and
then meet us at the front door.
359
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:57,140
Yup.
360
00:13:57,184 --> 00:13:58,925
-And keep it down.
-KRIEGER:
Yup, yup, yup.
361
00:13:58,968 --> 00:13:59,969
[sighs]
It's like if a...
362
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,014
-[glass shatters]
-[gasps]
363
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,885
-KRIEGER [whispering]: sorry.
-ARCHER: Goddamn it.
364
00:14:02,929 --> 00:14:04,365
KRIEGER:
Sorry! Jesus.
365
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:05,845
Come on, let's go.
366
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,459
-[glass shatters]
-I swear to God...
367
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:13,374
And you know they live
to be like, 80.
368
00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:15,550
-How old's he?
-Like 40?
369
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:17,247
-[crashing]
-Ugh.
370
00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:18,814
[whispers]
Goddamn it, bird.
371
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,294
KRIEGER:
Well, who puts that there?
372
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:21,904
Are you in position?
373
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,514
KRIEGER:
For what?
374
00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:25,342
-To open the door!
-KRIEGER:
What?
375
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,605
Open the goddamn door!
376
00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:28,693
KRIEGER:
How?
377
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:29,738
What do you mean, how?
378
00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:31,392
Yeah, what was your plan there?
379
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,089
I don't know,
jump on the handle.
380
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,699
KRIEGER:
It's a knob.
381
00:14:34,743 --> 00:14:35,831
Clearly a knob.
382
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,093
[sighs] Oh, my God.
383
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,747
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
384
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:40,792
Okay, let me think.
385
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:42,272
-What-what if we...
-[glass shatters]
386
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,492
Wh...?
Why would you do that?
387
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:46,146
Because we don't have all night.
388
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:47,495
We also don't want Fuchs to know
389
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:49,192
somebody broke into his house.
390
00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:51,368
KRIEGER:
Oh, he's gonna know.
391
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:53,936
CYRIL:
Offne deinen mund,
mein Liebchen.
392
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:57,026
Hier kommt
der Zug in den Bahnhof.
393
00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:59,115
[drunkenly imitates
train whistle]
394
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:02,118
-[grunts]
-And how is everything,
Miss Vandertunt?
395
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,990
[mumbles]
396
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,340
Wonderful, wonderful.
397
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:08,342
And would you
and your guest care to enjoy
398
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:11,519
brandy and cigars
in your room upstairs?
399
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:12,781
[growls]
400
00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:15,958
Ja,we will enjoy this
very much.
401
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:18,613
[imitates train whistle]
402
00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:19,788
[laughs]
403
00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,398
Because why are you so mad?
404
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,661
Because why'd
you shit on the sofa?
405
00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:25,750
-I was scared.
-Of what?
406
00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:28,014
How mad you'd be
that I shit on the sofa.
407
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:29,885
Bird, I swear...
Ow!
408
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,321
-What the...?
-PAM:
What is it?
409
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:34,803
It happens to be a large
brown suitcase, Pam.
410
00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,848
With some kind of
spy radio inside.
411
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:39,155
-Dun dun dun!
-Bird.
412
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:40,765
Knock it off, you licknuts.
413
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:43,072
And come here,
look at all this shit.
414
00:15:43,116 --> 00:15:44,987
-What the...?
-PAM:
Right?
415
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,684
And check this out...
416
00:15:46,728 --> 00:15:48,164
ARCHER:
What's it all mean?
417
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,687
Beats me, but I'm thinking
418
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:52,342
that Kraut
is into some weird shit.
419
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:53,996
[coughs]
Redundant.
420
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,084
[jazz playing
over record player]
421
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,346
Ja, mein Liebchen,
422
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,131
und wir tanzen...
423
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,568
Und so schon ist der Jazz...
424
00:16:00,611 --> 00:16:03,484
Und Gott verdammt
deisen Bustenhalter.
425
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:04,920
Wait, what?
426
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,487
Und wir tanzen...
427
00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:07,618
[Pam gasps]
428
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:10,012
And you guys, check this out.
429
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,232
ARCHER:
Holy shit! That's the island!
430
00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:13,276
Gooosebumps.
431
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,496
Racist.
All birds have bumps.
432
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,367
ARCHER:
And look, I bet that's the idol.
433
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:18,412
[Pam gasps]
434
00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:20,022
Okay, come on, let's go.
435
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:21,458
What're you...?
No. We can't take the map.
436
00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:23,156
He'll know he got robbed.
437
00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:25,897
-Ya think?
-Well, technically
burgled, but...
438
00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:27,464
Bird!
Pam, copy it.
439
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:30,032
-The bird?
The map! Goddamn it!
440
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,252
You copy the map,
we'll clean up all the mess.
441
00:16:32,295 --> 00:16:34,080
Man, where to start, right?
442
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,647
-[chokes]
-Said the feather duster.
443
00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:37,997
CYRIL:
[grunting]
444
00:16:39,911 --> 00:16:41,304
[panting]:
Komm schon.
445
00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:42,958
-[thud, thumps]
-Du doof Schlampe.
446
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:46,614
-[Cheryl snoring]
-CYRIL:
Wohl, das wird dich wecken.
447
00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:49,269
Son of a...
Knock knock.
448
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:50,487
Nein! Nein!
449
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:52,924
Well, what have we here?
450
00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:54,839
Nothing!
What do you want?
451
00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:56,754
I brought you some more brandy,
but it looks like
452
00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:59,540
your hostess has already
had a bit too much.
453
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:01,411
-[Cheryl snoring]
-Maybe we should let her sleep.
454
00:17:01,455 --> 00:17:03,239
She's fine. Get out.
455
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:05,198
Let's let her sleep.
456
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:06,242
Gottverdammt,woman.
457
00:17:06,286 --> 00:17:08,201
Are you deaf or just stupid?
458
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:09,854
Pick one.
459
00:17:09,898 --> 00:17:12,161
Manu, dear, could I borrow you?
460
00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:13,554
Would you be a little lamb
461
00:17:13,597 --> 00:17:16,687
and show Miss Vandertunt's
guest to the door?
462
00:17:16,731 --> 00:17:19,125
Fine.
Undfrom now on,
463
00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:21,953
I will eat die
Scheisen-Pastaat Luigi's.
464
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:24,043
Ugh! Luigi's.
465
00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:26,306
[sighs]
466
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:28,351
[mutters]
467
00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:31,180
Come on. Come on.
468
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:32,921
Upsy daisy.
469
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:35,358
Oh!
470
00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:38,100
Do I get my nine dollars now?
471
00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:39,362
No.
472
00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:41,756
[imitates train whistle]
473
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:44,454
I cannot wait to find
that verdammtidol
474
00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:46,891
and get off this Scheiseisland.
475
00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:49,111
Undwhy
am I speaking English?
476
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:51,026
ARCHER:
Pam, how's the map?
You almost done?
477
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:54,029
Hang on.
West and east.
478
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,204
Yeah, okay, done.
479
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,338
What the shit?
480
00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:00,905
Oh, I know,
it's just getting worse.
481
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,951
I said blot.
Why didn't you blot?
482
00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:04,779
Why didn't I
sew your asshole shut
483
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,737
like a Christmas goddamn goose?
484
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,130
-Huh?
-What?
485
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:09,827
-Is that not how they do it?
-First of all,
486
00:18:09,871 --> 00:18:11,351
I'm pretty sure
the asshole is gone,
487
00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:13,309
out of any bird
way before you start cooking.
488
00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:15,355
-CYRIL:
Was ist los?
-[all gasp]
489
00:18:15,398 --> 00:18:17,922
Ach. Das fenster
ist zerbrochen...
490
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:19,272
[whispering]:
Okay, we're going to plan B.
491
00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:21,143
What?
No, I hate plan B.
492
00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,406
We're doing plan B.
493
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,495
-[coughs]
-And you better sell it, bird.
494
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,149
Come on, out the back.
495
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,544
Hallo?
496
00:18:30,587 --> 00:18:32,372
Aw, man...
497
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:34,287
Okay, here goes.
498
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:35,592
[Krieger squawking,
wings flapping and thumping]
499
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:36,767
[Cyril exclaiming]
500
00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:38,160
[laughing, low]
Oh, man.
501
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:39,727
Plan B is the best.
502
00:18:39,770 --> 00:18:42,730
CYRIL:
Aagh! Fledermaus, fledermaus!
503
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:44,123
[Krieger squawks]
504
00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:48,039
CYRIL:
Excuse me?
505
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,040
Come here, please.
506
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,520
Si, signore?
507
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,653
So, for context,
last night I was attacked
508
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:55,177
by what I can only assume
was a giant jungle bat,
509
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,527
which did this to my face,
and left me
510
00:18:57,571 --> 00:19:00,008
and my house covered
in blood undshit.
511
00:19:00,051 --> 00:19:01,444
Ah. Terribile...
512
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:03,664
Ja ja,it was indeed terrible.
513
00:19:03,707 --> 00:19:07,189
But not compared
to this breakfast!
514
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:08,973
[sighs]
515
00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:11,889
And probably not compared
to this goddamn map.
516
00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:13,804
Aw, come on, I was in a hurry.
517
00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:15,415
To suck?
518
00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:16,677
KRIEGER:
I'll tell you what sucks...
519
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,636
[sharp inhale] Ooh.
Being mistaken for a bat.
520
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,116
Ooh.
521
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,596
But not as much as that map.
522
00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,861
♪
523
00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:56,195
MAN:
Made in Georgia.
524
00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:02,636
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
525
00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:07,380
ANNOUNCER: Beware Danger Island.
526
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:08,772
-Oh!
-[shouting]
527
00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:13,647
[sighs]I am genuinely
sorry.
528
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:15,605
ANNOUNCER:
Archer Danger Island.
529
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,825
All-new, Wednesdays at 10:00.
530
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:19,566
Only on FXX.
36811
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