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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,421 --> 00:00:02,690 FXX presents-- Whoo-hoo-hoo! 2 00:00:02,723 --> 00:00:05,192 Archer Danger Island. 3 00:00:17,071 --> 00:00:19,574 -(Archer laughs) -Oh, for... 4 00:00:19,607 --> 00:00:21,909 Asshole! 5 00:00:21,942 --> 00:00:25,245 Why's everybody pissed at me? 6 00:00:25,279 --> 00:00:27,815 I'm the one with no parachute in a plane that can't land. 7 00:00:27,848 --> 00:00:29,049 (belches) 8 00:00:29,083 --> 00:00:30,417 Which... 9 00:00:30,451 --> 00:00:31,719 LANA: Well? 10 00:00:31,752 --> 00:00:34,088 What do we do now? 11 00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,190 I mean, pretty much just this. 12 00:00:36,223 --> 00:00:37,925 She means how do we land? 13 00:00:37,958 --> 00:00:40,160 Oh. Yeah, that's this whole big thing. 14 00:00:40,194 --> 00:00:41,696 -What do you mean?! -Gott im Himmel... 15 00:00:41,729 --> 00:00:44,231 You need, like, training. 16 00:00:44,264 --> 00:00:45,900 -So train us. -Ja. 17 00:00:45,933 --> 00:00:47,468 Okay, okay, uh.... 18 00:00:47,502 --> 00:00:49,470 Okay, the first thing you wanna do 19 00:00:49,504 --> 00:00:52,372 is get out your notebooks and two number two pencils. 20 00:00:52,406 --> 00:00:54,108 -LANA: What? -CYRIL: Was? 21 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,477 PAM: Wait, shit, that was the classroom portion. 22 00:00:56,511 --> 00:00:58,212 -Gott verdamme dich. -Which... 23 00:00:58,245 --> 00:01:00,681 I mean, even if we had pencils... 24 00:01:00,715 --> 00:01:02,282 Tell us what to do. 25 00:01:02,316 --> 00:01:04,384 Okay, when you're about to hit the ground, 26 00:01:04,418 --> 00:01:06,086 you just kinda go limp. 27 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,222 -Limp? -Heh. Oh, right, like this guy 28 00:01:08,255 --> 00:01:10,525 doesn't know what "limp" means, am I right, ladies? 29 00:01:10,558 --> 00:01:13,093 -Crackers! -Oh, my God. 30 00:01:13,127 --> 00:01:15,029 -Was ist "limp"? -Relax. 31 00:01:15,062 --> 00:01:16,230 How?! 32 00:01:16,263 --> 00:01:18,298 Ugh. It means relax. 33 00:01:18,332 --> 00:01:20,334 -(chuckles) Dipshit. -Right? 34 00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:23,237 But can we get a little more detail? 35 00:01:23,270 --> 00:01:25,506 Jesus, lady, okay. 36 00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:27,241 Your knees are kind of bent, 37 00:01:27,274 --> 00:01:28,676 and right when you hit the ground, 38 00:01:28,709 --> 00:01:30,745 you relax and just fall over sideways, 39 00:01:30,778 --> 00:01:33,447 and kind of roll from your feet, up your legs, 40 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,216 -and then... -(Cyril shrieks) 41 00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:39,954 Well, shit. Okay, Princess Highpockets, you're up. 42 00:01:39,987 --> 00:01:43,290 No, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait! 43 00:01:43,323 --> 00:01:44,959 Jesus, people, how hard is it to... 44 00:01:44,992 --> 00:01:48,028 Aah! (grunting) 45 00:01:48,062 --> 00:01:50,565 Oh, man. I had something about, like, 46 00:01:50,598 --> 00:01:53,734 "flying is for the birds"? 47 00:01:53,768 --> 00:01:54,935 No, it's gone. 48 00:01:58,272 --> 00:02:00,340 (Pam grunting) 49 00:02:03,010 --> 00:02:05,179 Goddamn it. 50 00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,847 Come on, you son of a... 51 00:02:06,881 --> 00:02:07,982 (grunts) 52 00:02:09,850 --> 00:02:11,451 (sighs) Idiocy. 53 00:02:11,485 --> 00:02:12,920 LANA: Help! 54 00:02:12,953 --> 00:02:14,354 Get me down. 55 00:02:14,388 --> 00:02:16,123 -Shh! -Now. 56 00:02:16,156 --> 00:02:19,694 -I will, but quit yelling. -(deep growl in distance) 57 00:02:19,727 --> 00:02:21,495 -(gasps) -We're not currently 58 00:02:21,528 --> 00:02:23,631 -at the top of the food chain. -(whispering): Sorry. 59 00:02:23,664 --> 00:02:26,000 Now relax, you're gonna be fine. 60 00:02:26,033 --> 00:02:28,002 CYRIL: Help! 61 00:02:28,035 --> 00:02:30,638 PAM: Him, on the other hand... 62 00:02:30,671 --> 00:02:32,472 Yikes. 63 00:02:32,506 --> 00:02:35,409 That's enough to make any guy go limp, am I right, ladies? 64 00:02:37,544 --> 00:02:38,813 Shut up, bird. 65 00:02:38,846 --> 00:02:40,314 Eh. 66 00:02:40,347 --> 00:02:42,349 ♪ 67 00:03:20,688 --> 00:03:22,156 -LANA: Promise me. -(Pam grunts) 68 00:03:22,189 --> 00:03:23,390 Bocados de mierda. 69 00:03:23,423 --> 00:03:24,892 I promise I will catch you. 70 00:03:24,925 --> 00:03:26,593 Well, you'd better. It is a crime 71 00:03:26,627 --> 00:03:28,428 to harm a member of the royal family. 72 00:03:28,462 --> 00:03:30,364 What, you gonna arrest the ground? 73 00:03:30,397 --> 00:03:33,300 -Oh, so you can crack wise, but... -Bird... 74 00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:35,035 -(coughs into wing) -Okay, 75 00:03:35,069 --> 00:03:38,105 -one, two, three! -(Pam grunts) 76 00:03:38,138 --> 00:03:40,274 My goodness. 77 00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:42,242 I didn't realize you were so strong. 78 00:03:42,276 --> 00:03:45,579 Yeah, state cheese toss champ, five years running. 79 00:03:45,612 --> 00:03:47,682 But don't get any ideas, sister. 80 00:03:47,715 --> 00:03:50,584 Wh...? Now, just you wait one minute. 81 00:03:50,617 --> 00:03:52,619 Because what the hell is a cheese toss? 82 00:03:52,653 --> 00:03:54,221 What?! seriously? 83 00:03:54,254 --> 00:03:56,590 CYRIL: Ugh! Verdammte Idioten! 84 00:03:56,623 --> 00:03:59,059 How do I get down from here? 85 00:03:59,093 --> 00:04:01,395 PAM: I mean, you just unbuckle it and... 86 00:04:01,428 --> 00:04:03,764 -Wh...? Are you mad? -PAM: No. 87 00:04:03,798 --> 00:04:05,232 I will fall. 88 00:04:05,265 --> 00:04:07,634 PAM: You don't really have a choice. 89 00:04:07,668 --> 00:04:09,303 Of course I do. I will stay here. 90 00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,739 -M'kay. -What? No. 91 00:04:11,772 --> 00:04:13,407 We cannot leave him here. He is vital 92 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,743 to our fledgling breadfruit industry. 93 00:04:15,776 --> 00:04:17,945 Which is... fledgling. 94 00:04:17,978 --> 00:04:19,914 So then that's probably bad... 95 00:04:19,947 --> 00:04:21,682 (gasps) 96 00:04:21,716 --> 00:04:23,383 Aw, man. 97 00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:26,353 (Cyril stammering) 98 00:04:27,621 --> 00:04:30,825 sch-sch-schlange! 99 00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:37,064 (panting) H-Hilfe. 100 00:04:37,097 --> 00:04:39,967 If it's not one frickin' thing with you people, it's another. 101 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,069 (whispers): Do you have a plan? 102 00:04:42,102 --> 00:04:44,872 (sighs) I do, actually. 103 00:04:49,877 --> 00:04:52,012 Okay, Lucy, here's the plan. 104 00:04:52,046 --> 00:04:54,548 Mitimotu is here, but with the wheels stuck down, 105 00:04:54,581 --> 00:04:56,083 the closest airstrip we can land on 106 00:04:56,116 --> 00:04:59,053 is on Motu Papa... here. 107 00:04:59,086 --> 00:05:02,522 Which is west-northwest, a heading of 295 degrees. 108 00:05:02,556 --> 00:05:04,458 Let's call it 320 nautical miles. 109 00:05:04,491 --> 00:05:07,127 Airspeed 110, burn rate 50 per, 110 00:05:07,161 --> 00:05:10,664 call it 55 with the wheels down, if we run it lean 111 00:05:10,697 --> 00:05:12,666 and if the fuel pump holds, 112 00:05:12,699 --> 00:05:15,335 'cause if it doesn't, none of this shit matters. 113 00:05:15,369 --> 00:05:17,471 Tailwind is five. 114 00:05:17,504 --> 00:05:20,140 Fuel-weight ratio, rho times alpha, then lift-to-drag, 115 00:05:20,174 --> 00:05:23,844 where W is force in newtons, which means... 116 00:05:23,878 --> 00:05:26,981 if we catch a few breaks and the tailwind holds, 117 00:05:27,014 --> 00:05:28,883 our maximum range is... 118 00:05:28,916 --> 00:05:30,184 Goddamn it. 119 00:05:30,217 --> 00:05:32,887 Aah! 120 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,555 (sighs) Great. Now that's broken. 121 00:05:35,589 --> 00:05:36,891 (whimpers) 122 00:05:36,924 --> 00:05:40,260 That cannot be your plan. 123 00:05:40,294 --> 00:05:43,330 Well, if you'd hit the stupid buckle when I told you to... 124 00:05:43,363 --> 00:05:44,664 (whimpers) 125 00:05:44,698 --> 00:05:47,434 That's his tongue on my face, isn't it? 126 00:05:47,467 --> 00:05:49,669 Okay, Fritz, hang tight. 127 00:05:49,703 --> 00:05:51,138 -Ba-dum-bump. -Bird. 128 00:05:51,171 --> 00:05:52,773 You can't shoot the snake. 129 00:05:52,807 --> 00:05:54,875 Why not? They slither into our nests, 130 00:05:54,909 --> 00:05:57,377 they eat our eggs, they eat our chicks. 131 00:05:57,411 --> 00:05:59,046 I meant she could hit Fuchs. 132 00:05:59,079 --> 00:06:00,948 I stand by my statement. 133 00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:03,350 Don't worry, Princess. I'm not shootin' at the snake. 134 00:06:03,383 --> 00:06:05,419 Warte, was? 135 00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:07,354 Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein... 136 00:06:11,325 --> 00:06:12,359 Nein! 137 00:06:12,392 --> 00:06:14,394 (grunting) 138 00:06:19,967 --> 00:06:22,236 (thumping, grunting continuing) 139 00:06:29,209 --> 00:06:31,611 -Ai-yai-yah. -Oh, man. -Santa mierda. 140 00:06:33,047 --> 00:06:35,916 -Is he...? -I mean... 141 00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:37,551 -CYRIL: Get me... -(all gasp) 142 00:06:37,584 --> 00:06:41,255 the hell out of here! 143 00:06:41,288 --> 00:06:44,058 RAY: Bien sûr, mon amie, 144 00:06:44,091 --> 00:06:45,792 -avec plaisir. -Don't you want 145 00:06:45,826 --> 00:06:49,596 -to know why? -Non. Just how much. 146 00:06:49,629 --> 00:06:51,698 Quelle chance. The perfect amount. 147 00:06:51,731 --> 00:06:53,067 Après toi. 148 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:55,469 But since you mentioned "why"... 149 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:58,873 Oh, but "why" is such a troublesome question, 150 00:06:58,906 --> 00:07:00,274 though, don't you agree? 151 00:07:00,307 --> 00:07:02,642 I mean, once you start pulling threads, 152 00:07:02,676 --> 00:07:04,611 there's no telling where it'll end. 153 00:07:04,644 --> 00:07:07,481 One minute you're wearing a lovely cable-knit sweater, 154 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,783 and the next there's a pile of yarn on the floor, 155 00:07:09,816 --> 00:07:11,751 and you're standing there... 156 00:07:11,785 --> 00:07:13,587 -(yelps) -(yelps) 157 00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:17,024 Jesus "what is the 'H' for" Christ. 158 00:07:20,194 --> 00:07:23,197 And you can keep your stupid turnip... 159 00:07:30,037 --> 00:07:32,272 I'm not hungry. 160 00:07:37,211 --> 00:07:39,346 -Mes bonbons! -Your what? 161 00:07:40,047 --> 00:07:41,481 Cochon stupide. 162 00:07:41,515 --> 00:07:42,849 Qu'est-ce que tu as fait? 163 00:07:42,883 --> 00:07:44,184 C'était un cadeau de ma mère. 164 00:07:44,218 --> 00:07:45,652 -You... -De Paris. 165 00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:47,787 C'était de Paris. 166 00:07:47,821 --> 00:07:49,456 You said I could have one. 167 00:07:49,489 --> 00:07:50,624 Yes, one. 168 00:07:50,657 --> 00:07:52,692 One, you cow bitch. 169 00:07:52,726 --> 00:07:54,694 I didn't know which one I wanted! 170 00:07:54,728 --> 00:07:56,730 (inhales) 171 00:07:57,664 --> 00:07:58,933 -Out! -What? 172 00:07:58,966 --> 00:08:00,300 Out, out, out, out, out! 173 00:08:00,334 --> 00:08:02,702 No. It's some kind of ruse, 174 00:08:02,736 --> 00:08:04,471 you're gonna shoot me in the back, or, or... 175 00:08:04,504 --> 00:08:07,407 It's not a ruse. I paid your bail. 176 00:08:08,642 --> 00:08:11,011 Oh. Well then. 177 00:08:13,213 --> 00:08:14,548 Hmph. 178 00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:17,217 But, now, wait a minute, Miss Thing... 179 00:08:19,286 --> 00:08:21,555 On n'a plus besoin de navet. 180 00:08:24,424 --> 00:08:26,860 (sighs) 181 00:08:28,262 --> 00:08:29,496 ARCHER: Hey, come on... 182 00:08:29,529 --> 00:08:31,431 Chin up, Archer... 183 00:08:31,465 --> 00:08:33,000 You-You've been in tougher scrapes, huh? 184 00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:36,170 Remember the Andes? Paso de Muerte? 185 00:08:36,203 --> 00:08:38,538 Come on, death was right there in the name. 186 00:08:38,572 --> 00:08:40,540 All those dogfights over Spain 187 00:08:40,574 --> 00:08:43,677 against the Condor Legion, remember? 188 00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:46,246 This guy knows what I'm talking about. 189 00:08:48,015 --> 00:08:49,583 So if the Andes couldn't kill me 190 00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,351 and the Krauts couldn't kill me-- 191 00:08:51,385 --> 00:08:54,054 I mean, I know it's kinda hard to grasp-- but, uh... 192 00:08:54,088 --> 00:08:57,057 I might be immortal. 193 00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:59,359 I... am... 194 00:08:59,393 --> 00:09:02,062 immortal! 195 00:09:02,096 --> 00:09:04,298 (chuckles) 196 00:09:04,331 --> 00:09:06,133 Jesus Christ. 197 00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:08,602 I-I am dying. 198 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,070 Shut up, you're not dying. 199 00:09:10,104 --> 00:09:11,871 You just got a couple of busted ribs. 200 00:09:11,905 --> 00:09:13,773 And probably a punctured lung. 201 00:09:13,807 --> 00:09:15,109 -Was? -Bird. 202 00:09:15,142 --> 00:09:16,443 What? We were all thinking it. 203 00:09:16,476 --> 00:09:17,777 No one is thinking that. 204 00:09:17,811 --> 00:09:19,913 -He is. -Ja, I am now. 205 00:09:19,946 --> 00:09:21,748 -See? -(animal growling) 206 00:09:21,781 --> 00:09:23,783 -(all gasp) -I feel like 207 00:09:23,817 --> 00:09:25,285 if I have to remind you people 208 00:09:25,319 --> 00:09:27,054 how much you need to shut the hell up, 209 00:09:27,087 --> 00:09:29,089 I'm gonna lose my temper. 210 00:09:29,123 --> 00:09:31,125 Well-- and I think I speak for the group-- 211 00:09:31,158 --> 00:09:33,027 I feel like you already have. 212 00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:34,628 -Ja, und me, also. -So do I, actually. 213 00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:37,464 (sighs) Well, if you think I'm mad now, 214 00:09:37,497 --> 00:09:40,200 wait till I'm getting shit out of a dragon. 215 00:09:40,234 --> 00:09:41,301 -KRIEGER: What? -LANA: Wait, what? -CYRIL: Huh? Was? 216 00:09:41,335 --> 00:09:42,502 PAM: Ahem. 217 00:09:42,536 --> 00:09:44,171 -Oka atua. -Holy birdshit. -Was? 218 00:09:44,204 --> 00:09:45,305 Was ist los? 219 00:09:45,339 --> 00:09:47,074 (clears throat) So, listen, 220 00:09:47,107 --> 00:09:49,943 I'm probably gonna head out. (grunts) 221 00:09:49,976 --> 00:09:53,847 But then what would I use for bait? 222 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:56,483 Cheese? 223 00:09:56,516 --> 00:09:58,418 There we are-- 224 00:09:58,452 --> 00:10:01,921 a nice cool glass of pastis, to... 225 00:10:01,955 --> 00:10:03,590 whet the appetite. 226 00:10:03,623 --> 00:10:06,493 -For what? -New experiences? 227 00:10:06,526 --> 00:10:09,596 -You realize I can't pay for this. -Mm-hmm. 228 00:10:09,629 --> 00:10:11,598 Or pay you back for bailing me out. 229 00:10:11,631 --> 00:10:14,834 Which reminds me, why'd you do that? 230 00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:17,704 Well, you said it yourself: you're stranded here, 231 00:10:17,737 --> 00:10:20,374 abandoned by the husband you cuckolded, 232 00:10:20,407 --> 00:10:22,442 thousands of miles from New York, 233 00:10:22,476 --> 00:10:26,346 where you're a disgrace, an outcast, a laughingstock... 234 00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,048 All right. Jesus. 235 00:10:28,082 --> 00:10:30,584 You're a vagrant without a franc to your name, 236 00:10:30,617 --> 00:10:33,153 so Reynaud can arrest you again whenever he wants, 237 00:10:33,187 --> 00:10:36,256 and I doubt he'd lose much sleep over it. 238 00:10:36,290 --> 00:10:37,824 Framboise... 239 00:10:37,857 --> 00:10:39,126 noix de coco... 240 00:10:39,159 --> 00:10:41,561 cerise... 241 00:10:41,595 --> 00:10:43,330 Noisette. 242 00:10:43,363 --> 00:10:46,866 And so, even if you had a passport and a ticket out, 243 00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:50,337 if you're sitting in that rich, chocolatey jail cell... 244 00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:51,905 I could be stuck here... 245 00:10:51,938 --> 00:10:53,207 forever! 246 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,008 Exactly. 247 00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:58,145 So why not make the most of it? 248 00:10:59,413 --> 00:11:00,880 ARCHER: I mean, it's not like 249 00:11:00,914 --> 00:11:03,417 you really have a choice, so... 250 00:11:07,887 --> 00:11:09,223 Plus, 251 00:11:09,256 --> 00:11:10,957 maybe you really are immortal. 252 00:11:10,990 --> 00:11:12,659 (burps, chuckles) 253 00:11:12,692 --> 00:11:14,528 Tha-That'd explain a lot. 254 00:11:18,232 --> 00:11:19,699 You want me to be a whore?! 255 00:11:19,733 --> 00:11:21,668 No, not a whore. 256 00:11:21,701 --> 00:11:25,572 Good heavens, no. You'd be more like a... 257 00:11:25,605 --> 00:11:26,673 courtesan. 258 00:11:26,706 --> 00:11:28,242 Who men pay for sex. 259 00:11:28,275 --> 00:11:30,177 And sparkling conversation. 260 00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:33,079 -I... -And not just men, necessarily. 261 00:11:33,113 --> 00:11:35,048 -What? -And, actually, they'd pay me 262 00:11:35,081 --> 00:11:37,417 -(scoffs) -and then I'd pay you... 263 00:11:37,451 --> 00:11:39,853 -a percentage. -A percentage?! 264 00:11:39,886 --> 00:11:41,621 Let's call it... 265 00:11:41,655 --> 00:11:43,123 ARCHER: 49 feet. 266 00:11:43,157 --> 00:11:44,924 Wingtip to wingtip. 267 00:11:44,958 --> 00:11:46,760 And I bet that's 50 feet wide, right? 268 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,962 Yeah, I bet that's 50... 269 00:11:48,995 --> 00:11:52,432 Which means we've got six inches to spare on both sides, Lucy, 270 00:11:52,466 --> 00:11:56,069 and, uh, you know I can do a lot with six inches. 271 00:11:56,102 --> 00:11:59,539 Ba-dum-pshh! Huh? Am I right, Luce? 272 00:11:59,573 --> 00:12:01,575 Lucy, am I right? 273 00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:04,944 (engines sputter, stops) 274 00:12:04,978 --> 00:12:07,981 Luce. Lucy. 275 00:12:08,014 --> 00:12:11,551 Lucille Goosille. 276 00:12:11,585 --> 00:12:13,987 Oh, okay, so, then, I guess, just pout. 277 00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:16,190 But I would think it goes without saying 278 00:12:16,223 --> 00:12:18,091 that it's also in your best interest 279 00:12:18,124 --> 00:12:20,960 if we don't crash and burn. 280 00:12:20,994 --> 00:12:24,231 (engines sputtering) 281 00:12:24,264 --> 00:12:25,465 Thank you. 282 00:12:25,499 --> 00:12:26,700 Jesus, was that so har... 283 00:12:26,733 --> 00:12:29,603 (engines stop) 284 00:12:29,636 --> 00:12:32,239 Oh... 285 00:12:32,272 --> 00:12:33,740 You fat bitch. 286 00:12:33,773 --> 00:12:34,974 (Cyril grunting) 287 00:12:35,008 --> 00:12:36,743 (whimpering) 288 00:12:36,776 --> 00:12:38,345 Fette Schlampe. 289 00:12:38,378 --> 00:12:40,046 That better mean "Thank you." 290 00:12:40,079 --> 00:12:42,416 (grunts) It does not. 291 00:12:42,449 --> 00:12:43,983 That's okay, you can thank me 292 00:12:44,017 --> 00:12:45,752 if we get out of this with our skin on. 293 00:12:45,785 --> 00:12:48,021 Which... What is taking you so long? 294 00:12:48,054 --> 00:12:49,623 Okay, hold your damn horses. 295 00:12:49,656 --> 00:12:52,426 -Here. -Nein. I don't want this. 296 00:12:52,459 --> 00:12:53,827 -(animal grumbles) -(all gasping) 297 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,128 PAM: Nobody wants any of this. 298 00:12:55,161 --> 00:12:57,197 But everybody is gonna do their bit. 299 00:12:57,231 --> 00:12:59,199 Starting with you. Get up in those trees 300 00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:00,600 and gimme some aerial recon. 301 00:13:00,634 --> 00:13:02,436 Yep. Yep, yep, yep. 302 00:13:02,469 --> 00:13:03,937 And if you leave us here, 303 00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:06,206 I will find you, I will pluck you, 304 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,842 I will slather your bumpy skin with olive oil and rosemary, 305 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,745 and then I will shove a beer can up your asshole, 306 00:13:11,778 --> 00:13:13,313 and roast your ancient carcass 307 00:13:13,347 --> 00:13:16,816 until it is golden brown and goddamn delicious. 308 00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:18,285 Yup. 309 00:13:18,318 --> 00:13:19,986 And how old are you, anyway? 310 00:13:20,019 --> 00:13:21,821 Like, 40? 311 00:13:21,855 --> 00:13:22,856 Eh. 312 00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,994 Man, I had something about... 313 00:13:28,027 --> 00:13:30,564 dead-stick... something? 314 00:13:30,597 --> 00:13:32,866 No, it's gone. 315 00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,869 (exhales) Okay, Luce, it's now or never. 316 00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:38,672 -Never! -Oh, all right, 60/40. 317 00:13:38,705 --> 00:13:41,174 That... (scoffs) No, I will not be your whore. 318 00:13:41,207 --> 00:13:43,142 -Courtesan! -Whatever. I won't do it. 319 00:13:43,176 --> 00:13:45,579 -Because you will be in my jail. -What? 320 00:13:45,612 --> 00:13:47,947 Unless you can show me 100 francs 321 00:13:47,981 --> 00:13:49,849 or proof of onward voyage. 322 00:13:49,883 --> 00:13:51,217 You know I don't have either. 323 00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:53,453 And I do not have my bonbons. 324 00:13:53,487 --> 00:13:55,522 And so, madame... aprez-vous. 325 00:13:55,555 --> 00:13:57,156 And what if I say no? 326 00:13:57,190 --> 00:13:58,592 (crash) 327 00:13:58,625 --> 00:13:59,693 -Aah! -Sacre bleu! 328 00:13:59,726 --> 00:14:01,060 Jesus Christ! 329 00:14:03,730 --> 00:14:04,898 (woman screams) 330 00:14:06,533 --> 00:14:07,701 ARCHER: Son of a... 331 00:14:09,469 --> 00:14:13,039 ...bitch! 332 00:14:13,072 --> 00:14:15,074 Mon Dieu. C'est le volcane! 333 00:14:15,108 --> 00:14:17,377 It's not the volcano, you idiot! 334 00:14:17,411 --> 00:14:20,880 I hate this stupid island! 335 00:14:42,436 --> 00:14:44,904 -Jesus Christ. -Ow... 336 00:14:44,938 --> 00:14:46,139 ARCHER: (grunts) So... 337 00:14:46,172 --> 00:14:47,341 hey. 338 00:14:47,374 --> 00:14:49,376 -What now? -Sterling. -Ooh! 339 00:14:49,409 --> 00:14:51,010 (grunts) Shut up. Quick question: 340 00:14:51,044 --> 00:14:53,480 how wide is the, uh, street out there? 341 00:14:53,513 --> 00:14:56,650 -40 feet? -Mm-hmm. 342 00:14:58,618 --> 00:15:01,621 Speaking of: you're good with 40? 343 00:15:04,123 --> 00:15:07,093 ARCHER: (stammers) Wha-What's that? 344 00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:09,095 -(stammers) -MALORY: Oh, good, 345 00:15:09,128 --> 00:15:11,264 -he's coming to. -Hooray. 346 00:15:11,297 --> 00:15:12,499 Oh, shut up. 347 00:15:12,532 --> 00:15:14,401 And you-- give him some air. 348 00:15:14,434 --> 00:15:15,969 Airspeed. Nose up. 349 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:18,338 Flaps! Flaps! 350 00:15:18,372 --> 00:15:21,408 (coughs, chuckles) 351 00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:24,744 Holy shit, I... I really am immortal. 352 00:15:24,778 --> 00:15:26,546 And also in serious trouble. 353 00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:29,449 Shut up. Where's Pam? She's gonna love this. 354 00:15:29,483 --> 00:15:32,819 She... There was nobody on the plane. 355 00:15:32,852 --> 00:15:34,821 So where is la princesse? 356 00:15:34,854 --> 00:15:37,156 Wait, no, no, no, they... they bailed out. 357 00:15:37,190 --> 00:15:39,258 Jesus Christ, how long was I out? 358 00:15:39,292 --> 00:15:41,294 -One hour? -Flew by. 359 00:15:41,327 --> 00:15:43,229 Oh, my God, so they're out there in the jungle. 360 00:15:43,262 --> 00:15:44,431 I-In the dark? 361 00:15:44,464 --> 00:15:46,165 -(gasps) -Mon Dieu. 362 00:15:46,199 --> 00:15:49,936 So? What happens on shithole island when it gets dark? 363 00:15:49,969 --> 00:15:52,171 On three, I start blasting. 364 00:15:52,205 --> 00:15:54,340 (dragon grumbles) 365 00:15:54,374 --> 00:15:56,275 (grumbling) 366 00:15:56,309 --> 00:15:58,177 One... two... 367 00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:04,518 (sighs) Goddamn it. 368 00:16:04,551 --> 00:16:06,886 I am genuinely sorry. 369 00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,822 But I am absolutely commandeering your vehicle, 370 00:16:08,855 --> 00:16:11,758 -so... -No, I forbid you. You are insane. 371 00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:13,827 Hmm. Your concerns are noted. 372 00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:15,995 Putain! (grunts) 373 00:16:16,029 --> 00:16:17,697 -ARCHER: Great. -Sterling! 374 00:16:17,731 --> 00:16:19,365 Be careful. 375 00:16:19,399 --> 00:16:21,000 (laughs) No. 376 00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:22,802 PAM: Okay. 377 00:16:22,836 --> 00:16:25,939 One, two... 378 00:16:25,972 --> 00:16:28,642 Everybody try not to take a big greasy shit on me... 379 00:16:28,675 --> 00:16:30,009 You know what? 380 00:16:30,043 --> 00:16:31,478 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 381 00:16:31,511 --> 00:16:34,047 -What? -(dragons grumble) 382 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,482 What if they're like sharks? 383 00:16:35,515 --> 00:16:37,216 -They are. -Yeah. -Right? 384 00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:39,853 No, what if when you shoot one, 385 00:16:39,886 --> 00:16:43,490 the smell of its blood sends the others into a feeding frenzy? 386 00:16:43,523 --> 00:16:46,493 -I'm gonna shoot the others. -No. All the others. 387 00:16:46,526 --> 00:16:48,194 (dragons grumble) 388 00:16:48,227 --> 00:16:49,563 KRIEGER: Like if they can smell one drop of blood 389 00:16:49,596 --> 00:16:52,198 -from miles and miles away... -Mein Gott. 390 00:16:52,231 --> 00:16:54,367 There could be hundreds of them out there. 391 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,369 Thousands. Who gives a shit? 392 00:16:56,402 --> 00:16:57,837 (dragons grumble) 393 00:16:57,871 --> 00:16:59,372 -CYRIL: Was? -LANA: Me. 394 00:16:59,405 --> 00:17:01,475 -First of all, they're not like sharks... -Ehh... 395 00:17:01,508 --> 00:17:03,209 In that way. And second of all, 396 00:17:03,242 --> 00:17:06,112 any one of these big bastards could kill you. 397 00:17:06,145 --> 00:17:07,614 The rest of 'em are just gonna 398 00:17:07,647 --> 00:17:09,182 be fightin' over your dead-ass bones. 399 00:17:09,215 --> 00:17:10,884 -Well... -I dunno. 400 00:17:10,917 --> 00:17:13,219 -I vote we take a vote. -Yup. Yup, yup, yup. -Second. 401 00:17:13,252 --> 00:17:16,089 (sighs) I swear to God... 402 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:18,057 RAY: Where are we going? 403 00:17:18,091 --> 00:17:20,594 Well, they bailed out south of Tarako, so... 404 00:17:20,627 --> 00:17:22,896 Le volcan? Attention! 405 00:17:22,929 --> 00:17:24,263 You must slow down. 406 00:17:24,297 --> 00:17:26,600 Oh, this piece of shit can go slower? 407 00:17:26,633 --> 00:17:30,403 Of course, you... Oh, le sarcasme. 408 00:17:30,436 --> 00:17:32,005 Cognate. Nice. 409 00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:35,341 Anyway, if nobody's hurt 410 00:17:35,374 --> 00:17:37,110 and Pam's got 'em headed in the right direction, 411 00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:39,245 they should run right into this trail. 412 00:17:39,278 --> 00:17:41,915 If the serpents and lizards and cannibals 413 00:17:41,948 --> 00:17:43,382 don't run into them first. 414 00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:44,751 Yeah, seems like a shitty place 415 00:17:44,784 --> 00:17:46,586 for a breadfruit plantation, huh? 416 00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:48,522 -Breadfruit? Here? -Right? 417 00:17:48,555 --> 00:17:50,323 -That's what I... -(rapid gunfire in distance) 418 00:17:50,356 --> 00:17:52,125 Oh, shit. 419 00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:57,631 Aah! 420 00:17:57,664 --> 00:18:00,199 (all screaming) 421 00:18:00,233 --> 00:18:02,101 -I'm out. -We were supposed to vote. 422 00:18:02,135 --> 00:18:03,970 I voted no. Reloading. 423 00:18:04,003 --> 00:18:05,104 (dragons snarling) 424 00:18:07,907 --> 00:18:09,643 Oh, man, there's even more of 'em. 425 00:18:09,676 --> 00:18:12,278 -Come on, come on, come on. -Gott im Himmel! 426 00:18:12,311 --> 00:18:14,147 Nothing is worth this! 427 00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,815 I don't care about the idol! 428 00:18:15,849 --> 00:18:16,950 -Do what? -What idol? 429 00:18:16,983 --> 00:18:18,317 What? Wait? What? No, he said 430 00:18:18,351 --> 00:18:21,020 look out! -(Cyril shrieks) 431 00:18:21,054 --> 00:18:22,255 -(grunts) -No! 432 00:18:22,288 --> 00:18:23,790 PAM: Loaded. 433 00:18:23,823 --> 00:18:26,860 -(all screaming) -(dragons roaring and shrieking) 434 00:18:26,893 --> 00:18:30,630 -Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein. -They're everywhere! 435 00:18:30,664 --> 00:18:32,098 KRIEGER: What the hell's in those bullets? 436 00:18:32,131 --> 00:18:34,000 -Reloading. -Lizard pheromones? 437 00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:36,102 (sniffs) I don't think so. 438 00:18:36,135 --> 00:18:37,103 Loaded. 439 00:18:37,136 --> 00:18:39,639 (dragons roaring and shrieking) 440 00:18:42,175 --> 00:18:43,843 What the hell are you doing here? 441 00:18:43,877 --> 00:18:45,178 Get in. 442 00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:48,447 Oh, right. Heavy barrel! 443 00:18:48,481 --> 00:18:50,149 Take that, lizard! 444 00:18:50,183 --> 00:18:52,451 And that! 445 00:18:52,485 --> 00:18:53,452 (all screaming) 446 00:18:53,486 --> 00:18:56,756 Get some! Get some! 447 00:18:56,790 --> 00:19:00,026 (dragons roaring and shrieking) 448 00:19:00,059 --> 00:19:02,662 Okay, we're in. Go. 449 00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:04,430 ARCHER: Whoooooo! 450 00:19:04,463 --> 00:19:06,165 Et toi! Et toi! 451 00:19:06,199 --> 00:19:07,300 Slow down. 452 00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:08,635 Oh, my God, all right. 453 00:19:08,668 --> 00:19:12,171 ALL: Whoa! 454 00:19:12,205 --> 00:19:13,973 PAM: Oh, just like old times. 455 00:19:14,007 --> 00:19:15,675 (all exclaim) 456 00:19:15,709 --> 00:19:17,210 Oh, okay. 457 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,646 Yeah, so, I guess no thanks necessary. 458 00:19:19,679 --> 00:19:20,880 -Danke, danke... -Thank you. 459 00:19:20,914 --> 00:19:22,582 -Well, I mean... -Bird. 460 00:19:22,616 --> 00:19:24,651 But how did you find us? 461 00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:26,653 I dunno. Just lucky, I guess. 462 00:19:26,686 --> 00:19:27,954 Grace à Dieu... 463 00:19:27,987 --> 00:19:30,123 And wait, where did you land? 464 00:19:30,156 --> 00:19:33,760 (chuckles) Oh, man, Pam. Speaking of luck... 465 00:19:40,399 --> 00:19:42,235 PAM: So, you're all lined up, 466 00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:43,970 thinking, "I've got 50 feet to work with..." 467 00:19:44,003 --> 00:19:45,705 ARCHER: And I'm just 49, tip to tip... 468 00:19:45,739 --> 00:19:47,440 PAM: And of course the fuel pump's out... 469 00:19:47,473 --> 00:19:49,142 ARCHER: Yeah, so I'm, you know... 470 00:19:49,175 --> 00:19:50,610 -PAM: Dead-stickin' it. -ARCHER: Right? 471 00:19:50,644 --> 00:19:52,612 PAM: Yeah, so, but then you slam a wing 472 00:19:52,646 --> 00:19:54,413 into that first tree down there, 473 00:19:54,447 --> 00:19:56,716 and then it just sorta shitstorms on ya... 474 00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:58,251 ARCHER: Well, yeah, because... 475 00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,853 Because any asshole could tell 476 00:19:59,886 --> 00:20:01,688 that this street is not 50 feet wide, 477 00:20:01,721 --> 00:20:03,389 and even if it was, 478 00:20:03,422 --> 00:20:06,025 that only gives you six frickin' inches to spare. 479 00:20:06,059 --> 00:20:08,962 -Right? -And I actually had something for that, about, like... 480 00:20:08,995 --> 00:20:12,031 doing a lot with six inches, or like, it was like... 481 00:20:12,065 --> 00:20:14,668 Like, what if you'd fixed the goddamn fuel pump 482 00:20:14,701 --> 00:20:16,335 so the crash never happened?! 483 00:20:16,369 --> 00:20:18,938 Mmm... no, it was more like a dick... 484 00:20:18,972 --> 00:20:20,039 (grunts) 485 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,508 Yeah. 486 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,782 (farts) 487 00:20:28,815 --> 00:20:31,250 Heh. Funny stuff. 488 00:20:35,421 --> 00:20:37,623 ♪ 489 00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:07,186 MAN: Made in Georgia. 490 00:21:11,691 --> 00:21:13,626 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 491 00:21:15,428 --> 00:21:17,030 -ANNOUNCER: Wednesdays-- -(roaring) 492 00:21:17,063 --> 00:21:18,832 -will they survive-- -(screaming) 493 00:21:18,865 --> 00:21:19,933 Danger Island? 494 00:21:19,966 --> 00:21:21,835 Oh, I would just murder that. 495 00:21:21,868 --> 00:21:23,336 Me too. I meant sexually. 496 00:21:23,369 --> 00:21:24,838 I meant murderly. 497 00:21:24,871 --> 00:21:26,940 ANNOUNCER: Archer Danger Island. 498 00:21:26,973 --> 00:21:30,043 All new, Wednesdays at 10:00. Only on FXX. 33926

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