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1
00:00:00,421 --> 00:00:02,690
FXX presents--
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
2
00:00:02,723 --> 00:00:05,192
Archer Danger Island.
3
00:00:17,071 --> 00:00:19,574
-(Archer laughs)
-Oh, for...
4
00:00:19,607 --> 00:00:21,909
Asshole!
5
00:00:21,942 --> 00:00:25,245
Why's everybody pissed at me?
6
00:00:25,279 --> 00:00:27,815
I'm the one with no parachute
in a plane that can't land.
7
00:00:27,848 --> 00:00:29,049
(belches)
8
00:00:29,083 --> 00:00:30,417
Which...
9
00:00:30,451 --> 00:00:31,719
LANA:
Well?
10
00:00:31,752 --> 00:00:34,088
What do we do now?
11
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,190
I mean, pretty much just this.
12
00:00:36,223 --> 00:00:37,925
She means how do we land?
13
00:00:37,958 --> 00:00:40,160
Oh. Yeah, that's
this whole big thing.
14
00:00:40,194 --> 00:00:41,696
-What do you mean?!
-Gott im Himmel...
15
00:00:41,729 --> 00:00:44,231
You need, like, training.
16
00:00:44,264 --> 00:00:45,900
-So train us.
-Ja.
17
00:00:45,933 --> 00:00:47,468
Okay, okay, uh....
18
00:00:47,502 --> 00:00:49,470
Okay, the first thing
you wanna do
19
00:00:49,504 --> 00:00:52,372
is get out your notebooks
and two number two pencils.
20
00:00:52,406 --> 00:00:54,108
-LANA: What?
-CYRIL: Was?
21
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,477
PAM:
Wait, shit, that was
the classroom portion.
22
00:00:56,511 --> 00:00:58,212
-Gott verdamme dich.
-Which...
23
00:00:58,245 --> 00:01:00,681
I mean,
even if we had pencils...
24
00:01:00,715 --> 00:01:02,282
Tell us what to do.
25
00:01:02,316 --> 00:01:04,384
Okay, when you're about
to hit the ground,
26
00:01:04,418 --> 00:01:06,086
you just kinda go limp.
27
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,222
-Limp?
-Heh. Oh, right, like this guy
28
00:01:08,255 --> 00:01:10,525
doesn't know what "limp" means,
am I right, ladies?
29
00:01:10,558 --> 00:01:13,093
-Crackers!
-Oh, my God.
30
00:01:13,127 --> 00:01:15,029
-Was ist "limp"?
-Relax.
31
00:01:15,062 --> 00:01:16,230
How?!
32
00:01:16,263 --> 00:01:18,298
Ugh. It means relax.
33
00:01:18,332 --> 00:01:20,334
-(chuckles) Dipshit.
-Right?
34
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:23,237
But can we get
a little more detail?
35
00:01:23,270 --> 00:01:25,506
Jesus, lady, okay.
36
00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:27,241
Your knees are kind of bent,
37
00:01:27,274 --> 00:01:28,676
and right
when you hit the ground,
38
00:01:28,709 --> 00:01:30,745
you relax
and just fall over sideways,
39
00:01:30,778 --> 00:01:33,447
and kind of roll
from your feet, up your legs,
40
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,216
-and then...
-(Cyril shrieks)
41
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:39,954
Well, shit. Okay, Princess
Highpockets, you're up.
42
00:01:39,987 --> 00:01:43,290
No, no, no, no,
wait, wait, wait, wait!
43
00:01:43,323 --> 00:01:44,959
Jesus, people, how hard
is it to...
44
00:01:44,992 --> 00:01:48,028
Aah!
(grunting)
45
00:01:48,062 --> 00:01:50,565
Oh, man. I had
something about, like,
46
00:01:50,598 --> 00:01:53,734
"flying is for the birds"?
47
00:01:53,768 --> 00:01:54,935
No, it's gone.
48
00:01:58,272 --> 00:02:00,340
(Pam grunting)
49
00:02:03,010 --> 00:02:05,179
Goddamn it.
50
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,847
Come on, you son of a...
51
00:02:06,881 --> 00:02:07,982
(grunts)
52
00:02:09,850 --> 00:02:11,451
(sighs)
Idiocy.
53
00:02:11,485 --> 00:02:12,920
LANA:
Help!
54
00:02:12,953 --> 00:02:14,354
Get me down.
55
00:02:14,388 --> 00:02:16,123
-Shh!
-Now.
56
00:02:16,156 --> 00:02:19,694
-I will, but quit yelling.
-(deep growl in distance)
57
00:02:19,727 --> 00:02:21,495
-(gasps)
-We're not currently
58
00:02:21,528 --> 00:02:23,631
-at the top of the food chain.
-(whispering): Sorry.
59
00:02:23,664 --> 00:02:26,000
Now relax, you're gonna be fine.
60
00:02:26,033 --> 00:02:28,002
CYRIL:
Help!
61
00:02:28,035 --> 00:02:30,638
PAM:
Him, on the other hand...
62
00:02:30,671 --> 00:02:32,472
Yikes.
63
00:02:32,506 --> 00:02:35,409
That's enough to make any guy
go limp, am I right, ladies?
64
00:02:37,544 --> 00:02:38,813
Shut up, bird.
65
00:02:38,846 --> 00:02:40,314
Eh.
66
00:02:40,347 --> 00:02:42,349
♪
67
00:03:20,688 --> 00:03:22,156
-LANA: Promise me.
-(Pam grunts)
68
00:03:22,189 --> 00:03:23,390
Bocados de mierda.
69
00:03:23,423 --> 00:03:24,892
I promise I will catch you.
70
00:03:24,925 --> 00:03:26,593
Well, you'd better.
It is a crime
71
00:03:26,627 --> 00:03:28,428
to harm a member
of the royal family.
72
00:03:28,462 --> 00:03:30,364
What, you gonna
arrest the ground?
73
00:03:30,397 --> 00:03:33,300
-Oh, so you can
crack wise, but...
-Bird...
74
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:35,035
-(coughs into wing)
-Okay,
75
00:03:35,069 --> 00:03:38,105
-one, two, three!
-(Pam grunts)
76
00:03:38,138 --> 00:03:40,274
My goodness.
77
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:42,242
I didn't realize
you were so strong.
78
00:03:42,276 --> 00:03:45,579
Yeah, state cheese toss champ,
five years running.
79
00:03:45,612 --> 00:03:47,682
But don't get any ideas, sister.
80
00:03:47,715 --> 00:03:50,584
Wh...? Now, just
you wait one minute.
81
00:03:50,617 --> 00:03:52,619
Because what the hell
is a cheese toss?
82
00:03:52,653 --> 00:03:54,221
What?!
seriously?
83
00:03:54,254 --> 00:03:56,590
CYRIL:
Ugh! Verdammte Idioten!
84
00:03:56,623 --> 00:03:59,059
How do I get down from here?
85
00:03:59,093 --> 00:04:01,395
PAM:
I mean, you just
unbuckle it and...
86
00:04:01,428 --> 00:04:03,764
-Wh...? Are you mad?
-PAM: No.
87
00:04:03,798 --> 00:04:05,232
I will fall.
88
00:04:05,265 --> 00:04:07,634
PAM:
You don't really
have a choice.
89
00:04:07,668 --> 00:04:09,303
Of course I do.
I will stay here.
90
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,739
-M'kay.
-What? No.
91
00:04:11,772 --> 00:04:13,407
We cannot leave him here.
He is vital
92
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,743
to our fledgling
breadfruit industry.
93
00:04:15,776 --> 00:04:17,945
Which is... fledgling.
94
00:04:17,978 --> 00:04:19,914
So then that's probably bad...
95
00:04:19,947 --> 00:04:21,682
(gasps)
96
00:04:21,716 --> 00:04:23,383
Aw, man.
97
00:04:23,417 --> 00:04:26,353
(Cyril stammering)
98
00:04:27,621 --> 00:04:30,825
sch-sch-schlange!
99
00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:37,064
(panting)
H-Hilfe.
100
00:04:37,097 --> 00:04:39,967
If it's not one frickin' thing
with you people, it's another.
101
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,069
(whispers):
Do you have a plan?
102
00:04:42,102 --> 00:04:44,872
(sighs)
I do, actually.
103
00:04:49,877 --> 00:04:52,012
Okay, Lucy, here's the plan.
104
00:04:52,046 --> 00:04:54,548
Mitimotu is here,
but with the wheels stuck down,
105
00:04:54,581 --> 00:04:56,083
the closest airstrip
we can land on
106
00:04:56,116 --> 00:04:59,053
is on Motu Papa... here.
107
00:04:59,086 --> 00:05:02,522
Which is west-northwest,
a heading of 295 degrees.
108
00:05:02,556 --> 00:05:04,458
Let's call it
320 nautical miles.
109
00:05:04,491 --> 00:05:07,127
Airspeed 110, burn rate 50 per,
110
00:05:07,161 --> 00:05:10,664
call it 55 with the wheels down,
if we run it lean
111
00:05:10,697 --> 00:05:12,666
and if the fuel pump holds,
112
00:05:12,699 --> 00:05:15,335
'cause if it doesn't,
none of this shit matters.
113
00:05:15,369 --> 00:05:17,471
Tailwind is five.
114
00:05:17,504 --> 00:05:20,140
Fuel-weight ratio, rho times
alpha, then lift-to-drag,
115
00:05:20,174 --> 00:05:23,844
where W is force in newtons,
which means...
116
00:05:23,878 --> 00:05:26,981
if we catch a few breaks
and the tailwind holds,
117
00:05:27,014 --> 00:05:28,883
our maximum range is...
118
00:05:28,916 --> 00:05:30,184
Goddamn it.
119
00:05:30,217 --> 00:05:32,887
Aah!
120
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,555
(sighs)
Great. Now that's broken.
121
00:05:35,589 --> 00:05:36,891
(whimpers)
122
00:05:36,924 --> 00:05:40,260
That cannot be your plan.
123
00:05:40,294 --> 00:05:43,330
Well, if you'd hit the stupid
buckle when I told you to...
124
00:05:43,363 --> 00:05:44,664
(whimpers)
125
00:05:44,698 --> 00:05:47,434
That's his tongue
on my face, isn't it?
126
00:05:47,467 --> 00:05:49,669
Okay, Fritz, hang tight.
127
00:05:49,703 --> 00:05:51,138
-Ba-dum-bump.
-Bird.
128
00:05:51,171 --> 00:05:52,773
You can't shoot the snake.
129
00:05:52,807 --> 00:05:54,875
Why not?
They slither into our nests,
130
00:05:54,909 --> 00:05:57,377
they eat our eggs,
they eat our chicks.
131
00:05:57,411 --> 00:05:59,046
I meant she could hit Fuchs.
132
00:05:59,079 --> 00:06:00,948
I stand by my statement.
133
00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:03,350
Don't worry, Princess.
I'm not shootin' at the snake.
134
00:06:03,383 --> 00:06:05,419
Warte, was?
135
00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:07,354
Nein, nein, nein,
nein, nein, nein...
136
00:06:11,325 --> 00:06:12,359
Nein!
137
00:06:12,392 --> 00:06:14,394
(grunting)
138
00:06:19,967 --> 00:06:22,236
(thumping, grunting continuing)
139
00:06:29,209 --> 00:06:31,611
-Ai-yai-yah.
-Oh, man.
-Santa mierda.
140
00:06:33,047 --> 00:06:35,916
-Is he...?
-I mean...
141
00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:37,551
-CYRIL: Get me...
-(all gasp)
142
00:06:37,584 --> 00:06:41,255
the hell out of here!
143
00:06:41,288 --> 00:06:44,058
RAY:
Bien sûr, mon amie,
144
00:06:44,091 --> 00:06:45,792
-avec plaisir.
-Don't you want
145
00:06:45,826 --> 00:06:49,596
-to know why?
-Non. Just how much.
146
00:06:49,629 --> 00:06:51,698
Quelle chance.
The perfect amount.
147
00:06:51,731 --> 00:06:53,067
Après toi.
148
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:55,469
But since you mentioned "why"...
149
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:58,873
Oh, but "why" is such
a troublesome question,
150
00:06:58,906 --> 00:07:00,274
though, don't you agree?
151
00:07:00,307 --> 00:07:02,642
I mean, once you start
pulling threads,
152
00:07:02,676 --> 00:07:04,611
there's no telling
where it'll end.
153
00:07:04,644 --> 00:07:07,481
One minute you're wearing
a lovely cable-knit sweater,
154
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,783
and the next there's a pile
of yarn on the floor,
155
00:07:09,816 --> 00:07:11,751
and you're standing there...
156
00:07:11,785 --> 00:07:13,587
-(yelps)
-(yelps)
157
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:17,024
Jesus "what is the 'H' for"
Christ.
158
00:07:20,194 --> 00:07:23,197
And you can keep
your stupid turnip...
159
00:07:30,037 --> 00:07:32,272
I'm not hungry.
160
00:07:37,211 --> 00:07:39,346
-Mes bonbons!
-Your what?
161
00:07:40,047 --> 00:07:41,481
Cochon stupide.
162
00:07:41,515 --> 00:07:42,849
Qu'est-ce que
tu as fait?
163
00:07:42,883 --> 00:07:44,184
C'était un cadeau
de ma mère.
164
00:07:44,218 --> 00:07:45,652
-You...
-De Paris.
165
00:07:45,685 --> 00:07:47,787
C'était de Paris.
166
00:07:47,821 --> 00:07:49,456
You said I could have one.
167
00:07:49,489 --> 00:07:50,624
Yes, one.
168
00:07:50,657 --> 00:07:52,692
One, you cow bitch.
169
00:07:52,726 --> 00:07:54,694
I didn't know
which one I wanted!
170
00:07:54,728 --> 00:07:56,730
(inhales)
171
00:07:57,664 --> 00:07:58,933
-Out!
-What?
172
00:07:58,966 --> 00:08:00,300
Out, out, out, out, out!
173
00:08:00,334 --> 00:08:02,702
No.
It's some kind of ruse,
174
00:08:02,736 --> 00:08:04,471
you're gonna
shoot me in the back, or, or...
175
00:08:04,504 --> 00:08:07,407
It's not a ruse.
I paid your bail.
176
00:08:08,642 --> 00:08:11,011
Oh. Well then.
177
00:08:13,213 --> 00:08:14,548
Hmph.
178
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:17,217
But, now, wait a minute,
Miss Thing...
179
00:08:19,286 --> 00:08:21,555
On n'a plus
besoin de navet.
180
00:08:24,424 --> 00:08:26,860
(sighs)
181
00:08:28,262 --> 00:08:29,496
ARCHER:
Hey, come on...
182
00:08:29,529 --> 00:08:31,431
Chin up, Archer...
183
00:08:31,465 --> 00:08:33,000
You-You've been
in tougher scrapes, huh?
184
00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:36,170
Remember the Andes?
Paso de Muerte?
185
00:08:36,203 --> 00:08:38,538
Come on, death was right there
in the name.
186
00:08:38,572 --> 00:08:40,540
All those dogfights over Spain
187
00:08:40,574 --> 00:08:43,677
against the Condor Legion,
remember?
188
00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:46,246
This guy knows
what I'm talking about.
189
00:08:48,015 --> 00:08:49,583
So if the Andes couldn't kill me
190
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,351
and the Krauts
couldn't kill me--
191
00:08:51,385 --> 00:08:54,054
I mean, I know it's kinda
hard to grasp-- but, uh...
192
00:08:54,088 --> 00:08:57,057
I might be immortal.
193
00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:59,359
I... am...
194
00:08:59,393 --> 00:09:02,062
immortal!
195
00:09:02,096 --> 00:09:04,298
(chuckles)
196
00:09:04,331 --> 00:09:06,133
Jesus Christ.
197
00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:08,602
I-I am dying.
198
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,070
Shut up, you're not dying.
199
00:09:10,104 --> 00:09:11,871
You just got
a couple of busted ribs.
200
00:09:11,905 --> 00:09:13,773
And probably a punctured lung.
201
00:09:13,807 --> 00:09:15,109
-Was?
-Bird.
202
00:09:15,142 --> 00:09:16,443
What?
We were all thinking it.
203
00:09:16,476 --> 00:09:17,777
No one is thinking that.
204
00:09:17,811 --> 00:09:19,913
-He is.
-Ja, I am now.
205
00:09:19,946 --> 00:09:21,748
-See?
-(animal growling)
206
00:09:21,781 --> 00:09:23,783
-(all gasp)
-I feel like
207
00:09:23,817 --> 00:09:25,285
if I have to remind you people
208
00:09:25,319 --> 00:09:27,054
how much you need
to shut the hell up,
209
00:09:27,087 --> 00:09:29,089
I'm gonna lose my temper.
210
00:09:29,123 --> 00:09:31,125
Well-- and I think
I speak for the group--
211
00:09:31,158 --> 00:09:33,027
I feel like you already have.
212
00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:34,628
-Ja, und me, also.
-So do I, actually.
213
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:37,464
(sighs)
Well, if you think I'm mad now,
214
00:09:37,497 --> 00:09:40,200
wait till I'm getting
shit out of a dragon.
215
00:09:40,234 --> 00:09:41,301
-KRIEGER: What?
-LANA: Wait, what?
-CYRIL: Huh? Was?
216
00:09:41,335 --> 00:09:42,502
PAM:
Ahem.
217
00:09:42,536 --> 00:09:44,171
-Oka atua.
-Holy birdshit.
-Was?
218
00:09:44,204 --> 00:09:45,305
Was ist los?
219
00:09:45,339 --> 00:09:47,074
(clears throat)
So, listen,
220
00:09:47,107 --> 00:09:49,943
I'm probably gonna head out.
(grunts)
221
00:09:49,976 --> 00:09:53,847
But then what would
I use for bait?
222
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:56,483
Cheese?
223
00:09:56,516 --> 00:09:58,418
There we are--
224
00:09:58,452 --> 00:10:01,921
a nice cool glass
of pastis, to...
225
00:10:01,955 --> 00:10:03,590
whet the appetite.
226
00:10:03,623 --> 00:10:06,493
-For what?
-New experiences?
227
00:10:06,526 --> 00:10:09,596
-You realize
I can't pay for this.
-Mm-hmm.
228
00:10:09,629 --> 00:10:11,598
Or pay you back
for bailing me out.
229
00:10:11,631 --> 00:10:14,834
Which reminds me,
why'd you do that?
230
00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:17,704
Well, you said it yourself:
you're stranded here,
231
00:10:17,737 --> 00:10:20,374
abandoned by the husband
you cuckolded,
232
00:10:20,407 --> 00:10:22,442
thousands of miles
from New York,
233
00:10:22,476 --> 00:10:26,346
where you're a disgrace,
an outcast, a laughingstock...
234
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,048
All right.
Jesus.
235
00:10:28,082 --> 00:10:30,584
You're a vagrant
without a franc to your name,
236
00:10:30,617 --> 00:10:33,153
so Reynaud can arrest you
again whenever he wants,
237
00:10:33,187 --> 00:10:36,256
and I doubt he'd lose
much sleep over it.
238
00:10:36,290 --> 00:10:37,824
Framboise...
239
00:10:37,857 --> 00:10:39,126
noix de coco...
240
00:10:39,159 --> 00:10:41,561
cerise...
241
00:10:41,595 --> 00:10:43,330
Noisette.
242
00:10:43,363 --> 00:10:46,866
And so, even if you had
a passport and a ticket out,
243
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:50,337
if you're sitting in that rich,
chocolatey jail cell...
244
00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:51,905
I could be stuck here...
245
00:10:51,938 --> 00:10:53,207
forever!
246
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,008
Exactly.
247
00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:58,145
So why not make the most of it?
248
00:10:59,413 --> 00:11:00,880
ARCHER:
I mean, it's not like
249
00:11:00,914 --> 00:11:03,417
you really have a choice, so...
250
00:11:07,887 --> 00:11:09,223
Plus,
251
00:11:09,256 --> 00:11:10,957
maybe you really are immortal.
252
00:11:10,990 --> 00:11:12,659
(burps, chuckles)
253
00:11:12,692 --> 00:11:14,528
Tha-That'd explain a lot.
254
00:11:18,232 --> 00:11:19,699
You want me to be a whore?!
255
00:11:19,733 --> 00:11:21,668
No, not a whore.
256
00:11:21,701 --> 00:11:25,572
Good heavens, no.
You'd be more like a...
257
00:11:25,605 --> 00:11:26,673
courtesan.
258
00:11:26,706 --> 00:11:28,242
Who men pay for sex.
259
00:11:28,275 --> 00:11:30,177
And sparkling conversation.
260
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:33,079
-I...
-And not just men, necessarily.
261
00:11:33,113 --> 00:11:35,048
-What?
-And, actually, they'd pay me
262
00:11:35,081 --> 00:11:37,417
-(scoffs)
-and then I'd pay you...
263
00:11:37,451 --> 00:11:39,853
-a percentage.
-A percentage?!
264
00:11:39,886 --> 00:11:41,621
Let's call it...
265
00:11:41,655 --> 00:11:43,123
ARCHER:
49 feet.
266
00:11:43,157 --> 00:11:44,924
Wingtip to wingtip.
267
00:11:44,958 --> 00:11:46,760
And I bet that's
50 feet wide, right?
268
00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,962
Yeah, I bet that's 50...
269
00:11:48,995 --> 00:11:52,432
Which means we've got six inches
to spare on both sides, Lucy,
270
00:11:52,466 --> 00:11:56,069
and, uh, you know I can
do a lot with six inches.
271
00:11:56,102 --> 00:11:59,539
Ba-dum-pshh!
Huh? Am I right, Luce?
272
00:11:59,573 --> 00:12:01,575
Lucy, am I right?
273
00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:04,944
(engines sputter, stops)
274
00:12:04,978 --> 00:12:07,981
Luce. Lucy.
275
00:12:08,014 --> 00:12:11,551
Lucille Goosille.
276
00:12:11,585 --> 00:12:13,987
Oh, okay, so, then,
I guess, just pout.
277
00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:16,190
But I would think
it goes without saying
278
00:12:16,223 --> 00:12:18,091
that it's also
in your best interest
279
00:12:18,124 --> 00:12:20,960
if we don't crash and burn.
280
00:12:20,994 --> 00:12:24,231
(engines sputtering)
281
00:12:24,264 --> 00:12:25,465
Thank you.
282
00:12:25,499 --> 00:12:26,700
Jesus, was that so har...
283
00:12:26,733 --> 00:12:29,603
(engines stop)
284
00:12:29,636 --> 00:12:32,239
Oh...
285
00:12:32,272 --> 00:12:33,740
You fat bitch.
286
00:12:33,773 --> 00:12:34,974
(Cyril grunting)
287
00:12:35,008 --> 00:12:36,743
(whimpering)
288
00:12:36,776 --> 00:12:38,345
Fette Schlampe.
289
00:12:38,378 --> 00:12:40,046
That better mean "Thank you."
290
00:12:40,079 --> 00:12:42,416
(grunts)
It does not.
291
00:12:42,449 --> 00:12:43,983
That's okay, you can thank me
292
00:12:44,017 --> 00:12:45,752
if we get out of this
with our skin on.
293
00:12:45,785 --> 00:12:48,021
Which...
What is taking you so long?
294
00:12:48,054 --> 00:12:49,623
Okay, hold your damn horses.
295
00:12:49,656 --> 00:12:52,426
-Here.
-Nein. I don't want this.
296
00:12:52,459 --> 00:12:53,827
-(animal grumbles)
-(all gasping)
297
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,128
PAM:
Nobody wants any of this.
298
00:12:55,161 --> 00:12:57,197
But everybody
is gonna do their bit.
299
00:12:57,231 --> 00:12:59,199
Starting with you.
Get up in those trees
300
00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:00,600
and gimme some aerial recon.
301
00:13:00,634 --> 00:13:02,436
Yep. Yep, yep, yep.
302
00:13:02,469 --> 00:13:03,937
And if you leave us here,
303
00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:06,206
I will find you,
I will pluck you,
304
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,842
I will slather your bumpy skin
with olive oil and rosemary,
305
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:11,745
and then I will shove
a beer can up your asshole,
306
00:13:11,778 --> 00:13:13,313
and roast your ancient carcass
307
00:13:13,347 --> 00:13:16,816
until it is golden brown
and goddamn delicious.
308
00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:18,285
Yup.
309
00:13:18,318 --> 00:13:19,986
And how old are you, anyway?
310
00:13:20,019 --> 00:13:21,821
Like, 40?
311
00:13:21,855 --> 00:13:22,856
Eh.
312
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:27,994
Man, I had something about...
313
00:13:28,027 --> 00:13:30,564
dead-stick... something?
314
00:13:30,597 --> 00:13:32,866
No, it's gone.
315
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,869
(exhales)
Okay, Luce, it's now or never.
316
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:38,672
-Never!
-Oh, all right, 60/40.
317
00:13:38,705 --> 00:13:41,174
That... (scoffs)
No, I will not be your whore.
318
00:13:41,207 --> 00:13:43,142
-Courtesan!
-Whatever. I won't do it.
319
00:13:43,176 --> 00:13:45,579
-Because you will be in my jail.
-What?
320
00:13:45,612 --> 00:13:47,947
Unless you can
show me 100 francs
321
00:13:47,981 --> 00:13:49,849
or proof of onward voyage.
322
00:13:49,883 --> 00:13:51,217
You know I don't have either.
323
00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:53,453
And I do not have my bonbons.
324
00:13:53,487 --> 00:13:55,522
And so, madame... aprez-vous.
325
00:13:55,555 --> 00:13:57,156
And what if I say no?
326
00:13:57,190 --> 00:13:58,592
(crash)
327
00:13:58,625 --> 00:13:59,693
-Aah!
-Sacre bleu!
328
00:13:59,726 --> 00:14:01,060
Jesus Christ!
329
00:14:03,730 --> 00:14:04,898
(woman screams)
330
00:14:06,533 --> 00:14:07,701
ARCHER:
Son of a...
331
00:14:09,469 --> 00:14:13,039
...bitch!
332
00:14:13,072 --> 00:14:15,074
Mon Dieu.
C'est le volcane!
333
00:14:15,108 --> 00:14:17,377
It's not the volcano, you idiot!
334
00:14:17,411 --> 00:14:20,880
I hate this stupid island!
335
00:14:42,436 --> 00:14:44,904
-Jesus Christ.
-Ow...
336
00:14:44,938 --> 00:14:46,139
ARCHER:
(grunts) So...
337
00:14:46,172 --> 00:14:47,341
hey.
338
00:14:47,374 --> 00:14:49,376
-What now?
-Sterling.
-Ooh!
339
00:14:49,409 --> 00:14:51,010
(grunts)
Shut up. Quick question:
340
00:14:51,044 --> 00:14:53,480
how wide is the, uh,
street out there?
341
00:14:53,513 --> 00:14:56,650
-40 feet?
-Mm-hmm.
342
00:14:58,618 --> 00:15:01,621
Speaking of:
you're good with 40?
343
00:15:04,123 --> 00:15:07,093
ARCHER:
(stammers) Wha-What's that?
344
00:15:07,126 --> 00:15:09,095
-(stammers)
-MALORY: Oh, good,
345
00:15:09,128 --> 00:15:11,264
-he's coming to.
-Hooray.
346
00:15:11,297 --> 00:15:12,499
Oh, shut up.
347
00:15:12,532 --> 00:15:14,401
And you-- give him some air.
348
00:15:14,434 --> 00:15:15,969
Airspeed. Nose up.
349
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:18,338
Flaps! Flaps!
350
00:15:18,372 --> 00:15:21,408
(coughs, chuckles)
351
00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:24,744
Holy shit, I...
I really am immortal.
352
00:15:24,778 --> 00:15:26,546
And also in serious trouble.
353
00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:29,449
Shut up. Where's Pam?
She's gonna love this.
354
00:15:29,483 --> 00:15:32,819
She...
There was nobody on the plane.
355
00:15:32,852 --> 00:15:34,821
So where is la princesse?
356
00:15:34,854 --> 00:15:37,156
Wait, no, no, no, they...
they bailed out.
357
00:15:37,190 --> 00:15:39,258
Jesus Christ,
how long was I out?
358
00:15:39,292 --> 00:15:41,294
-One hour?
-Flew by.
359
00:15:41,327 --> 00:15:43,229
Oh, my God, so they're
out there in the jungle.
360
00:15:43,262 --> 00:15:44,431
I-In the dark?
361
00:15:44,464 --> 00:15:46,165
-(gasps)
-Mon Dieu.
362
00:15:46,199 --> 00:15:49,936
So? What happens on shithole
island when it gets dark?
363
00:15:49,969 --> 00:15:52,171
On three, I start blasting.
364
00:15:52,205 --> 00:15:54,340
(dragon grumbles)
365
00:15:54,374 --> 00:15:56,275
(grumbling)
366
00:15:56,309 --> 00:15:58,177
One... two...
367
00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:04,518
(sighs)
Goddamn it.
368
00:16:04,551 --> 00:16:06,886
I am genuinely sorry.
369
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,822
But I am absolutely
commandeering your vehicle,
370
00:16:08,855 --> 00:16:11,758
-so...
-No, I forbid you.
You are insane.
371
00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:13,827
Hmm. Your concerns are noted.
372
00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:15,995
Putain!
(grunts)
373
00:16:16,029 --> 00:16:17,697
-ARCHER: Great.
-Sterling!
374
00:16:17,731 --> 00:16:19,365
Be careful.
375
00:16:19,399 --> 00:16:21,000
(laughs)
No.
376
00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:22,802
PAM:
Okay.
377
00:16:22,836 --> 00:16:25,939
One, two...
378
00:16:25,972 --> 00:16:28,642
Everybody try not to take
a big greasy shit on me...
379
00:16:28,675 --> 00:16:30,009
You know what?
380
00:16:30,043 --> 00:16:31,478
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
381
00:16:31,511 --> 00:16:34,047
-What?
-(dragons grumble)
382
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,482
What if they're like sharks?
383
00:16:35,515 --> 00:16:37,216
-They are.
-Yeah.
-Right?
384
00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:39,853
No, what if when you shoot one,
385
00:16:39,886 --> 00:16:43,490
the smell of its blood sends the
others into a feeding frenzy?
386
00:16:43,523 --> 00:16:46,493
-I'm gonna shoot the others.
-No. All the others.
387
00:16:46,526 --> 00:16:48,194
(dragons grumble)
388
00:16:48,227 --> 00:16:49,563
KRIEGER:
Like if they can smell
one drop of blood
389
00:16:49,596 --> 00:16:52,198
-from miles and miles away...
-Mein Gott.
390
00:16:52,231 --> 00:16:54,367
There could be hundreds
of them out there.
391
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,369
Thousands.
Who gives a shit?
392
00:16:56,402 --> 00:16:57,837
(dragons grumble)
393
00:16:57,871 --> 00:16:59,372
-CYRIL: Was?
-LANA: Me.
394
00:16:59,405 --> 00:17:01,475
-First of all, they're
not like sharks...
-Ehh...
395
00:17:01,508 --> 00:17:03,209
In that way.
And second of all,
396
00:17:03,242 --> 00:17:06,112
any one of these big
bastards could kill you.
397
00:17:06,145 --> 00:17:07,614
The rest of 'em are just gonna
398
00:17:07,647 --> 00:17:09,182
be fightin'
over your dead-ass bones.
399
00:17:09,215 --> 00:17:10,884
-Well...
-I dunno.
400
00:17:10,917 --> 00:17:13,219
-I vote we take a vote.
-Yup. Yup, yup, yup.
-Second.
401
00:17:13,252 --> 00:17:16,089
(sighs)
I swear to God...
402
00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:18,057
RAY:
Where are we going?
403
00:17:18,091 --> 00:17:20,594
Well, they bailed out
south of Tarako, so...
404
00:17:20,627 --> 00:17:22,896
Le volcan?
Attention!
405
00:17:22,929 --> 00:17:24,263
You must slow down.
406
00:17:24,297 --> 00:17:26,600
Oh, this piece of shit
can go slower?
407
00:17:26,633 --> 00:17:30,403
Of course, you...
Oh, le sarcasme.
408
00:17:30,436 --> 00:17:32,005
Cognate. Nice.
409
00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:35,341
Anyway, if nobody's hurt
410
00:17:35,374 --> 00:17:37,110
and Pam's got 'em headed
in the right direction,
411
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:39,245
they should run
right into this trail.
412
00:17:39,278 --> 00:17:41,915
If the serpents
and lizards and cannibals
413
00:17:41,948 --> 00:17:43,382
don't run into them first.
414
00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:44,751
Yeah, seems like a shitty place
415
00:17:44,784 --> 00:17:46,586
for a breadfruit
plantation, huh?
416
00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:48,522
-Breadfruit? Here?
-Right?
417
00:17:48,555 --> 00:17:50,323
-That's what I...
-(rapid gunfire in distance)
418
00:17:50,356 --> 00:17:52,125
Oh, shit.
419
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:57,631
Aah!
420
00:17:57,664 --> 00:18:00,199
(all screaming)
421
00:18:00,233 --> 00:18:02,101
-I'm out.
-We were supposed to vote.
422
00:18:02,135 --> 00:18:03,970
I voted no.
Reloading.
423
00:18:04,003 --> 00:18:05,104
(dragons snarling)
424
00:18:07,907 --> 00:18:09,643
Oh, man,
there's even more of 'em.
425
00:18:09,676 --> 00:18:12,278
-Come on, come on, come on.
-Gott im Himmel!
426
00:18:12,311 --> 00:18:14,147
Nothing is worth this!
427
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,815
I don't care about the idol!
428
00:18:15,849 --> 00:18:16,950
-Do what?
-What idol?
429
00:18:16,983 --> 00:18:18,317
What? Wait? What?
No, he said
430
00:18:18,351 --> 00:18:21,020
look out!
-(Cyril shrieks)
431
00:18:21,054 --> 00:18:22,255
-(grunts)
-No!
432
00:18:22,288 --> 00:18:23,790
PAM:
Loaded.
433
00:18:23,823 --> 00:18:26,860
-(all screaming)
-(dragons roaring and shrieking)
434
00:18:26,893 --> 00:18:30,630
-Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein.
-They're everywhere!
435
00:18:30,664 --> 00:18:32,098
KRIEGER:
What the hell's
in those bullets?
436
00:18:32,131 --> 00:18:34,000
-Reloading.
-Lizard pheromones?
437
00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:36,102
(sniffs)
I don't think so.
438
00:18:36,135 --> 00:18:37,103
Loaded.
439
00:18:37,136 --> 00:18:39,639
(dragons roaring and shrieking)
440
00:18:42,175 --> 00:18:43,843
What the hell
are you doing here?
441
00:18:43,877 --> 00:18:45,178
Get in.
442
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:48,447
Oh, right.
Heavy barrel!
443
00:18:48,481 --> 00:18:50,149
Take that, lizard!
444
00:18:50,183 --> 00:18:52,451
And that!
445
00:18:52,485 --> 00:18:53,452
(all screaming)
446
00:18:53,486 --> 00:18:56,756
Get some! Get some!
447
00:18:56,790 --> 00:19:00,026
(dragons roaring and shrieking)
448
00:19:00,059 --> 00:19:02,662
Okay, we're in. Go.
449
00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:04,430
ARCHER:
Whoooooo!
450
00:19:04,463 --> 00:19:06,165
Et toi!
Et toi!
451
00:19:06,199 --> 00:19:07,300
Slow down.
452
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:08,635
Oh, my God, all right.
453
00:19:08,668 --> 00:19:12,171
ALL:
Whoa!
454
00:19:12,205 --> 00:19:13,973
PAM:
Oh, just like old times.
455
00:19:14,007 --> 00:19:15,675
(all exclaim)
456
00:19:15,709 --> 00:19:17,210
Oh, okay.
457
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,646
Yeah, so, I guess
no thanks necessary.
458
00:19:19,679 --> 00:19:20,880
-Danke, danke...
-Thank you.
459
00:19:20,914 --> 00:19:22,582
-Well, I mean...
-Bird.
460
00:19:22,616 --> 00:19:24,651
But how did you find us?
461
00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:26,653
I dunno.
Just lucky, I guess.
462
00:19:26,686 --> 00:19:27,954
Grace à Dieu...
463
00:19:27,987 --> 00:19:30,123
And wait, where did you land?
464
00:19:30,156 --> 00:19:33,760
(chuckles) Oh, man, Pam.
Speaking of luck...
465
00:19:40,399 --> 00:19:42,235
PAM:
So, you're all lined up,
466
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:43,970
thinking, "I've got
50 feet to work with..."
467
00:19:44,003 --> 00:19:45,705
ARCHER:
And I'm just 49, tip to tip...
468
00:19:45,739 --> 00:19:47,440
PAM:
And of course
the fuel pump's out...
469
00:19:47,473 --> 00:19:49,142
ARCHER:
Yeah, so I'm, you know...
470
00:19:49,175 --> 00:19:50,610
-PAM: Dead-stickin' it.
-ARCHER: Right?
471
00:19:50,644 --> 00:19:52,612
PAM:
Yeah, so, but then
you slam a wing
472
00:19:52,646 --> 00:19:54,413
into that first tree down there,
473
00:19:54,447 --> 00:19:56,716
and then it just
sorta shitstorms on ya...
474
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:58,251
ARCHER:
Well, yeah, because...
475
00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,853
Because any asshole could tell
476
00:19:59,886 --> 00:20:01,688
that this street
is not 50 feet wide,
477
00:20:01,721 --> 00:20:03,389
and even if it was,
478
00:20:03,422 --> 00:20:06,025
that only gives you
six frickin' inches to spare.
479
00:20:06,059 --> 00:20:08,962
-Right?
-And I actually had something
for that, about, like...
480
00:20:08,995 --> 00:20:12,031
doing a lot with six inches,
or like, it was like...
481
00:20:12,065 --> 00:20:14,668
Like, what if you'd fixed
the goddamn fuel pump
482
00:20:14,701 --> 00:20:16,335
so the crash never happened?!
483
00:20:16,369 --> 00:20:18,938
Mmm... no, it was
more like a dick...
484
00:20:18,972 --> 00:20:20,039
(grunts)
485
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,508
Yeah.
486
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,782
(farts)
487
00:20:28,815 --> 00:20:31,250
Heh. Funny stuff.
488
00:20:35,421 --> 00:20:37,623
♪
489
00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:07,186
MAN:
Made in Georgia.
490
00:21:11,691 --> 00:21:13,626
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
491
00:21:15,428 --> 00:21:17,030
-ANNOUNCER: Wednesdays--
-(roaring)
492
00:21:17,063 --> 00:21:18,832
-will they survive--
-(screaming)
493
00:21:18,865 --> 00:21:19,933
Danger Island?
494
00:21:19,966 --> 00:21:21,835
Oh, I would
just murder that.
495
00:21:21,868 --> 00:21:23,336
Me too.
I meant sexually.
496
00:21:23,369 --> 00:21:24,838
I meant murderly.
497
00:21:24,871 --> 00:21:26,940
ANNOUNCER:
Archer Danger Island.
498
00:21:26,973 --> 00:21:30,043
All new, Wednesdays at 10:00.
Only on FXX.
33926
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