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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,643 --> 00:00:03,112 Archer Danger Island. 2 00:00:04,381 --> 00:00:06,283 ♪ 3 00:00:15,292 --> 00:00:16,959 PAM: (sighs) 4 00:00:16,993 --> 00:00:19,028 He looks so peaceful, doesn't he? 5 00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:21,598 Sometimes I wonder if he's dreaming. 6 00:00:21,631 --> 00:00:24,701 But then I remember I don't give a shit. 7 00:00:24,734 --> 00:00:26,936 -(blows whistle) -(screams) 8 00:00:26,969 --> 00:00:28,438 -(screaming) -What the...? 9 00:00:28,471 --> 00:00:30,106 -(woman screams) -(Archer screams) 10 00:00:30,139 --> 00:00:31,374 -Who the hell are you? -(Krieger screaming) 11 00:00:31,408 --> 00:00:33,109 (woman screaming) 12 00:00:33,142 --> 00:00:34,644 -Shut the f... -(blows whistle) 13 00:00:34,677 --> 00:00:36,313 -God... -(woman and Archer scream) 14 00:00:36,346 --> 00:00:37,547 -Hey! -(woman and Krieger screaming) 15 00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:38,715 Goddamn it! 16 00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,283 (gunshots) 17 00:00:40,317 --> 00:00:43,453 (woman crying) 18 00:00:43,486 --> 00:00:45,622 What is your problem? 19 00:00:45,655 --> 00:00:47,290 Patch. Patch. Eye patch. 20 00:00:47,324 --> 00:00:48,625 What... Son of a... 21 00:00:48,658 --> 00:00:50,226 (crying continues) 22 00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:51,828 (scoffs) Oh, thanks, lady. 23 00:00:51,861 --> 00:00:53,830 Hang on. 24 00:00:53,863 --> 00:00:55,798 Okay, there. Sorry. 25 00:00:55,832 --> 00:00:57,567 -(Krieger snickering) -Shut up, bird. 26 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,068 Why are you in here, dummy? 27 00:00:59,101 --> 00:01:01,304 What...? Because the frickin' fuel pump's 28 00:01:01,338 --> 00:01:02,805 still hinky and we got that charter. 29 00:01:02,839 --> 00:01:05,575 -That's tomorrow. -Ittomorrow. 30 00:01:05,608 --> 00:01:07,744 -I just said that. -No, you... 31 00:01:07,777 --> 00:01:09,579 You've been drunk two days. 32 00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,147 Oh, right. 33 00:01:11,180 --> 00:01:12,582 So I guess that explains why 34 00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,351 you're here, naked lady stranger. 35 00:01:14,384 --> 00:01:15,918 (crying) 36 00:01:15,952 --> 00:01:17,487 But why the hell are you crying? 37 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:20,323 Buh... Buh... Buh... Buh... 38 00:01:20,357 --> 00:01:21,924 Buh-cause... 39 00:01:21,958 --> 00:01:23,360 (sloppy sniff) 40 00:01:23,393 --> 00:01:26,363 ...it's my ho... ho... ho... 41 00:01:26,396 --> 00:01:29,432 honeymoon! 42 00:01:29,466 --> 00:01:31,468 (sobbing) 43 00:01:33,703 --> 00:01:35,271 We got married? 44 00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:38,274 -(chuckles) Jesus Christ. -(gasps) 45 00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,309 ♪ 46 00:02:18,014 --> 00:02:20,216 No, you idiot! 47 00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:23,553 I got married to my husband. 48 00:02:23,586 --> 00:02:25,154 This is my honeymoon! 49 00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,056 (chuckling) Oh, thank God. 50 00:02:27,089 --> 00:02:29,559 -For a minute there, I... -I remember drinking champagne 51 00:02:29,592 --> 00:02:32,261 in the bar, and then Whitney went off 52 00:02:32,294 --> 00:02:33,896 to play roulette in the back room... 53 00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:36,065 He just ditched you? What a jerk. 54 00:02:36,098 --> 00:02:37,600 Yeah. Plus: Whitney? 55 00:02:37,634 --> 00:02:40,102 But then it all goes a bit fuzzy. 56 00:02:40,136 --> 00:02:41,571 -(jazz music playing) -(patrons chattering) 57 00:02:41,604 --> 00:02:43,506 I think that patch is sexy 58 00:02:43,540 --> 00:02:46,242 and I kinda want to put my tongue in there. 59 00:02:46,275 --> 00:02:47,777 (belches) Oh, okay. 60 00:02:47,810 --> 00:02:50,246 Oh, my God! What have I done?! 61 00:02:50,279 --> 00:02:53,082 -Well, hopefully not that. -(crying) -(knocking in distance) 62 00:02:53,115 --> 00:02:54,250 -(doorknob rattling) -MAN: Charlotte?! 63 00:02:54,283 --> 00:02:55,351 (gasps) That's him! 64 00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:56,686 -Who's him? -My husband! 65 00:02:56,719 --> 00:02:58,187 -Duh. -Right? 66 00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,622 -(pounding on door) -MAN: Answer me this instant! 67 00:02:59,656 --> 00:03:00,857 You have to hide me! 68 00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:02,459 Uh, actually, I do not. 69 00:03:02,492 --> 00:03:03,760 Wh...? Are you...? 70 00:03:03,793 --> 00:03:05,495 Ooh! Here! Hide in here! 71 00:03:06,963 --> 00:03:08,598 -What the hell are you doing? -(pounding on door) 72 00:03:08,631 --> 00:03:11,200 -MAN: Charlotte! -Oh, come on, don't be a dick. 73 00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:13,603 (deep sigh) 74 00:03:13,636 --> 00:03:15,805 -What? -Yes, I'm looking for my wife, 75 00:03:15,838 --> 00:03:18,941 Mrs. Charlotte Stratton? Née Vandertunt? 76 00:03:18,975 --> 00:03:21,043 Redhead? Kind of flibbertigibbity? 77 00:03:21,077 --> 00:03:23,145 Oh, why, yes, as a matter of fact. 78 00:03:23,913 --> 00:03:25,482 Closet. 79 00:03:25,515 --> 00:03:26,716 -CHERYL: What?! -Archer! -CRACKERS: Come on, man... 80 00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:28,150 Charlotte! 81 00:03:28,184 --> 00:03:29,552 What are you doing? You're ruining everything! 82 00:03:29,586 --> 00:03:30,787 -(Charlotte screams) -(Crackers squawks) 83 00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:32,288 Why the hell'd you do that? 84 00:03:32,321 --> 00:03:33,556 What'd you think, we're going to run away 85 00:03:33,590 --> 00:03:34,991 and live happily ever after? 86 00:03:35,024 --> 00:03:36,793 -(crashing in distance) -I mean... 87 00:03:36,826 --> 00:03:38,795 How could I ever trust her? 88 00:03:38,828 --> 00:03:40,630 -(Charlotte screaming) -(Crackers squawking) -You know, plus she obviously 89 00:03:40,663 --> 00:03:42,899 -makes terrible decisions. -I'll say. 90 00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,333 -You'll say what? -What? 91 00:03:44,366 --> 00:03:45,968 Goddamn it, Manu. If... 92 00:03:46,002 --> 00:03:47,804 -MALORY: Sterling! -(chuckles) 93 00:03:47,837 --> 00:03:49,005 (groans) 94 00:03:49,038 --> 00:03:50,406 Mama wants you. 95 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:51,674 Don't call her that! 96 00:03:53,710 --> 00:03:56,145 Oh, I would just murder that. 97 00:03:56,178 --> 00:03:58,314 -Me too. -I meant sexually. 98 00:03:58,347 --> 00:03:59,849 I meant murder-ly. 99 00:03:59,882 --> 00:04:01,217 MALORY: Sterling! 100 00:04:02,519 --> 00:04:04,120 What, Mother? Jesus! 101 00:04:05,522 --> 00:04:07,657 What the hell is wrong with you? 102 00:04:07,690 --> 00:04:10,326 Me? He's the one calling you Mama. 103 00:04:10,359 --> 00:04:13,095 What? No, not Manu, you ass. 104 00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:15,164 Shooting off a gun in my hotel! 105 00:04:15,197 --> 00:04:17,033 Oh. Oh, right, that. 106 00:04:17,066 --> 00:04:19,702 -Oh. No, there was a, uh, rat. -Snake. 107 00:04:19,736 --> 00:04:21,037 -Rat-snake. -Snake-rat. 108 00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:23,172 -Goddamn it. -Are you finished? 109 00:04:23,205 --> 00:04:25,675 -Yes. -STRATTON: Well, then, we are finished. 110 00:04:25,708 --> 00:04:27,009 -(door closes) -(object shatters) 111 00:04:27,043 --> 00:04:29,045 And apparently so are the Strattons. 112 00:04:29,078 --> 00:04:31,013 (Charlotte sobbing in distance) 113 00:04:31,047 --> 00:04:34,183 But then I don't suppose you'd know anything about that. 114 00:04:34,216 --> 00:04:37,119 No, I was pretty busy with the... 115 00:04:37,153 --> 00:04:38,287 -rat-snake. -Snake-rat. 116 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,388 -Goddamn it! -What?! 117 00:04:39,421 --> 00:04:40,790 (deep sigh) 118 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:43,192 -Right? -I swear to God, 119 00:04:43,225 --> 00:04:46,062 if you can't learn to keep that thing in your pants... 120 00:04:46,095 --> 00:04:48,531 It was actually in a drawer. 121 00:04:48,565 --> 00:04:51,467 Then you're going to have to find a new place to live. 122 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,836 What...? Where else can I live for free? 123 00:04:55,271 --> 00:04:57,373 Oh, what, is that your point? 124 00:04:57,406 --> 00:05:00,409 My point is, as the majority stakeholder 125 00:05:00,442 --> 00:05:04,313 in Archer Airways, I'd like to see a return on my investment. 126 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,549 Uh, well, yeah, we all would. 127 00:05:06,583 --> 00:05:08,818 -Sterling! -And we got a charter. 128 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:10,486 -A what? -STRATTON: A boat, you fool. 129 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:12,154 I want a boat. 130 00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:14,757 Why, Mr. Stratton, you're down early. 131 00:05:14,791 --> 00:05:16,225 Would you care for some breakfast? 132 00:05:16,258 --> 00:05:17,560 Porridge. 133 00:05:17,594 --> 00:05:18,995 Uh, I'm sorry? 134 00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:21,397 Save your breath for cooling yours. 135 00:05:21,430 --> 00:05:22,732 (both chuckle) 136 00:05:22,765 --> 00:05:23,900 I want a boat to take me out to the clipper, 137 00:05:23,933 --> 00:05:25,602 and I mean this instant. 138 00:05:25,635 --> 00:05:27,737 -But I don't understand. Are you...? -And you! 139 00:05:27,770 --> 00:05:30,406 I have half a mind to give you the worst beating of your life. 140 00:05:30,439 --> 00:05:33,242 All right, now. You're obviously upset. 141 00:05:33,275 --> 00:05:34,944 Yeah, you're talking crazy. 142 00:05:34,977 --> 00:05:37,413 'Cause he's literally had the shit beat out of him. 143 00:05:37,446 --> 00:05:38,748 -'Member? -You know... 144 00:05:38,781 --> 00:05:40,416 Well, then maybe I'll just sue him 145 00:05:40,449 --> 00:05:42,084 for alienation of affection 146 00:05:42,118 --> 00:05:44,086 and prosecute you for... 147 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,688 -pandering. -What?! 148 00:05:45,722 --> 00:05:47,957 Yeah, I don't think any money changed hands. 149 00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:50,426 -But if it did, it would be mine. -Well... 150 00:05:50,459 --> 00:05:52,862 Do you people think this is some sort of joke? 151 00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:54,296 I will ruin you! 152 00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:55,932 Oh, all right. 153 00:05:55,965 --> 00:05:58,467 -Manu, call the tender. -Yes, Mama. 154 00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:00,102 And quit calling her that! 155 00:06:00,136 --> 00:06:02,138 Why does it bother you so much? 156 00:06:02,171 --> 00:06:03,539 -(stifled laugh) -Seriously?! 157 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:05,141 Now, while you're waiting, 158 00:06:05,174 --> 00:06:07,109 perhaps you'd like to settle your account? 159 00:06:07,143 --> 00:06:09,211 I really do not get your sense of humor. 160 00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:11,881 If you think I'm paying for that so-called honeymoon suite... 161 00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,116 No no, I was referring to your marker 162 00:06:14,150 --> 00:06:16,052 from last night at the roulette table. 163 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,453 (laughs) 164 00:06:17,486 --> 00:06:19,155 Oh, all right, now that it is funny. 165 00:06:19,188 --> 00:06:21,457 You want me to pay you for what I lost 166 00:06:21,490 --> 00:06:23,292 in your illegal gambling den? 167 00:06:23,325 --> 00:06:25,394 -(laughs) -(whistle blows) 168 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:26,796 (French accent): Everyone out! 169 00:06:26,829 --> 00:06:30,132 This hotel is closed until further notice! 170 00:06:30,166 --> 00:06:32,635 How can you close me? Upon what grounds? 171 00:06:32,669 --> 00:06:34,637 I am shocked, shocked, to find 172 00:06:34,671 --> 00:06:37,006 -that gambling is going on in here! -Oh, for... 173 00:06:37,039 --> 00:06:39,308 Ha ha! Not to mention adultery. 174 00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:41,143 He seduced my wife. Arrest him. 175 00:06:41,177 --> 00:06:43,646 Monsieur, this is French territory. 176 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,815 Of course adultery is not illegal. 177 00:06:45,848 --> 00:06:47,817 What about consensual buggery? 178 00:06:47,850 --> 00:06:49,251 -(gasps) -(clears throat) 179 00:06:49,285 --> 00:06:50,787 Uh, asking for a buddy. 180 00:06:55,391 --> 00:06:58,327 MALORY: All right, Reynaud, cut the merde. 181 00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,929 What do you want? 182 00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:02,665 Well, we can start with my winnings from last night. 183 00:07:02,699 --> 00:07:04,834 -Fair enough. -STRATTON: I beg your... 184 00:07:04,867 --> 00:07:06,335 Now, just a damn minute! Merci. 185 00:07:06,368 --> 00:07:07,536 -What?! -(Manu clears throat) 186 00:07:07,569 --> 00:07:09,839 -The tender is waiting. -No! I demand that 187 00:07:09,872 --> 00:07:11,841 -you arrest her! -You demand it? 188 00:07:11,874 --> 00:07:13,342 I most certainly... 189 00:07:13,375 --> 00:07:15,111 Doudou? Aide monsieur a bord. 190 00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:16,345 STRATTON: What...? No, I... 191 00:07:16,378 --> 00:07:18,280 Ow! You people 192 00:07:18,314 --> 00:07:21,851 haven't heard the last of Whitney Stratton IV! 193 00:07:21,884 --> 00:07:23,720 Oh, I bet we have. 194 00:07:23,753 --> 00:07:27,023 -Pastis? -Mmm, un petit. 195 00:07:27,056 --> 00:07:28,891 And then you can explain to me 196 00:07:28,925 --> 00:07:31,360 why I hear gunshots coming from your hotel. 197 00:07:31,393 --> 00:07:32,461 Sterling? 198 00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:33,696 Yeah, sorry. 199 00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:35,131 -There was a rat-snake. -Snake-rat. 200 00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:36,365 -Pam! -What?! 201 00:07:36,398 --> 00:07:38,400 Whatever the reason- idiots-- 202 00:07:38,434 --> 00:07:40,469 I can assure you, that was the last time 203 00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,138 -you're ever going to hear... -(gunshot in distance) 204 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:43,873 -(all gasp) -(thump in distance) 205 00:07:43,906 --> 00:07:45,574 (deep sigh) 206 00:07:52,348 --> 00:07:53,315 (sniffs) 207 00:07:53,349 --> 00:07:54,350 Alors. 208 00:07:55,617 --> 00:07:57,153 What is wrong with you? 209 00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:59,655 -Me? -(squawks) She's crazy. 210 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,390 -(gasps) -I'm just trying to calm her down, you know, 211 00:08:01,423 --> 00:08:03,425 doing my thing, and then out of nowhere, 212 00:08:03,459 --> 00:08:06,395 the crazy broad grabs the gun and tries to shoot me. 213 00:08:06,428 --> 00:08:07,764 Me, Crackers! 214 00:08:07,797 --> 00:08:09,832 Because why are you talking?! 215 00:08:09,866 --> 00:08:12,468 How can a bird be talking?! 216 00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:15,371 He is parrot. 217 00:08:16,638 --> 00:08:18,507 Actually, technically, I'm a macaw, 218 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,076 which is actually a type of parrot, 219 00:08:20,109 --> 00:08:22,278 so I-I'm technically a parrot, actually. 220 00:08:22,311 --> 00:08:23,579 But I mean, technically, 221 00:08:23,612 --> 00:08:25,181 -I'm, you know... -Rambling? 222 00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:26,615 I almost died, woman! 223 00:08:26,648 --> 00:08:29,251 I know. Here, get some of this down ya. 224 00:08:29,285 --> 00:08:30,519 I mean... 225 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:33,189 (panting) But... but how? 226 00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:34,623 How can he do that? 227 00:08:34,656 --> 00:08:36,092 He's a parrot! 228 00:08:36,125 --> 00:08:37,526 -CRACKERS: Well... -Shut up, bird. 229 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,595 He talks. That's just how it is. 230 00:08:39,628 --> 00:08:41,297 Don't make a big thing out of it. 231 00:08:41,330 --> 00:08:43,132 Don't make a big thing out of it?! 232 00:08:43,165 --> 00:08:44,266 See! She just flips! 233 00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:46,435 You destroyed my marriage. 234 00:08:46,468 --> 00:08:48,270 Hey, it takes two to tango. 235 00:08:48,304 --> 00:08:50,606 And obviously, you guys already had some problems, so... 236 00:08:50,639 --> 00:08:52,374 You want to talk problems?! 237 00:08:52,408 --> 00:08:55,477 (gulps and exhales) 238 00:08:55,511 --> 00:08:56,645 Zut alors... 239 00:08:56,678 --> 00:08:58,314 My marriage is ruined. 240 00:08:58,347 --> 00:09:00,549 When my family finds out why, 241 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:01,784 they will disown me. 242 00:09:01,818 --> 00:09:04,220 As will all of New York society. 243 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,823 I have no money, no job, no skills, 244 00:09:06,856 --> 00:09:09,792 and no prospects, and it's all your fault! 245 00:09:09,826 --> 00:09:11,828 And so right now, the only thing I want 246 00:09:11,861 --> 00:09:13,896 in this world, besides for you to die 247 00:09:13,930 --> 00:09:17,133 of some heretofore unknown form of eyehole cancer, 248 00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:19,568 is to get off this godforsaken island! 249 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,038 (boat-plane engine roaring in distance) 250 00:09:31,047 --> 00:09:33,682 CHERYL: And... when does it come back? 251 00:09:33,715 --> 00:09:35,517 Ahem. Two weeks? 252 00:09:35,551 --> 00:09:37,353 (sniffs) And Whitney's on it? 253 00:09:37,386 --> 00:09:38,654 Mm-hmm. 254 00:09:38,687 --> 00:09:40,756 (crying) 255 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:43,259 Oh, come on now, it's not that bad... 256 00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:45,561 He has my passport! 257 00:09:47,196 --> 00:09:48,831 What do you mean?! 258 00:09:48,865 --> 00:09:51,033 I mean just that, it is impossible. 259 00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:53,502 To get a passport, you have to go to the consulate 260 00:09:53,535 --> 00:09:55,171 in Papeete, on Tahiti. 261 00:09:55,204 --> 00:09:57,506 -Well, how far is that? -As the crow flies? 262 00:09:57,539 --> 00:09:59,008 Ugh, crows. 263 00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:01,343 On the supply ship it takes about a week. 264 00:10:01,377 --> 00:10:03,612 -A week?! -It makes other stops. 265 00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,147 And it will be here in... 266 00:10:06,582 --> 00:10:07,783 one month. 267 00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:10,052 (sobbing) 268 00:10:13,923 --> 00:10:15,858 (sobbing continuing) 269 00:10:15,892 --> 00:10:18,727 Of course, it's only three hours by plane. 270 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:22,531 Well, news flash, lady: the plane just left! 271 00:10:22,564 --> 00:10:25,301 Yeah, so, air travel's not really an option here, Mother. 272 00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:27,736 (gasps) Well, now, wait a minute... 273 00:10:27,769 --> 00:10:29,638 -Mother... -Sterling, dear, 274 00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,407 couldn't you just take her in your plane? 275 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:32,408 (groans) 276 00:10:32,441 --> 00:10:34,410 -Your what? -Hey, yeah! 277 00:10:34,443 --> 00:10:36,745 No, actually, Mother, I can't. 278 00:10:36,778 --> 00:10:38,380 Well, why ever not? 279 00:10:38,414 --> 00:10:41,550 Because! Uh, because... 280 00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:43,219 Presumably... 281 00:10:43,252 --> 00:10:46,655 because you can't tell time. 282 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:50,226 Her royal highness, Princess Lanaluakalani. 283 00:10:50,259 --> 00:10:52,094 Latou te iloa. 284 00:10:52,128 --> 00:10:53,562 Votre Altesse. 285 00:10:53,595 --> 00:10:55,564 Ah, Capitaine Reynaud. 286 00:10:55,597 --> 00:10:58,100 Et pourquoi me parles-tu en français? 287 00:10:58,134 --> 00:11:02,071 Parce que la langue officielle de Mitimotu est français. 288 00:11:02,104 --> 00:11:04,573 Oui, en ce moment. 289 00:11:04,606 --> 00:11:07,243 Now, can someone please explain to me 290 00:11:07,276 --> 00:11:10,112 why Mr. Fuchs and I aren't sipping champagne 291 00:11:10,146 --> 00:11:11,948 in the plane I chartered? 292 00:11:11,981 --> 00:11:14,416 -Uh, well... -For one thing, we don't do that. 293 00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:17,253 -And secondly, Fuchs? -Yeah? 294 00:11:17,286 --> 00:11:19,255 Well, we could, and we're happy to, Your Highness. 295 00:11:19,288 --> 00:11:21,690 Or-or even... I-I bet we could even 296 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,759 mix you up some Bellinis. 297 00:11:23,792 --> 00:11:25,461 -We have fresh peaches? -No. 298 00:11:25,494 --> 00:11:27,763 Then shut up! The point is, Your Highness, 299 00:11:27,796 --> 00:11:29,131 my plane is your plane. 300 00:11:29,165 --> 00:11:30,432 Well, then... 301 00:11:30,466 --> 00:11:32,434 What?! I don't care who you are, lady, 302 00:11:32,468 --> 00:11:34,103 I've got dibs on that plane. 303 00:11:34,136 --> 00:11:35,637 (clears throat) 304 00:11:35,671 --> 00:11:36,672 Reynaud? 305 00:11:37,974 --> 00:11:39,275 RAY: I'm very sorry, madame, 306 00:11:39,308 --> 00:11:42,378 but we have strict law against vagrancy, 307 00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:43,946 and you have no money. 308 00:11:43,980 --> 00:11:45,314 (grunting) 309 00:11:45,347 --> 00:11:47,283 Alors, for your dinner, 310 00:11:47,316 --> 00:11:48,650 one turnip. 311 00:11:48,684 --> 00:11:50,486 LANA: You must be kidding. 312 00:11:53,689 --> 00:11:55,457 Are you sure this thing can fly? 313 00:11:55,491 --> 00:11:57,793 Oh, don't worry about ol' Lucy Goosey. 314 00:11:57,826 --> 00:11:59,228 She may not look like much, 315 00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:01,897 but that's... 316 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,299 ...mainly cosmetic. 317 00:12:03,332 --> 00:12:04,833 -Well, except for the fue... -Flaps! 318 00:12:04,866 --> 00:12:06,835 -I just... -Flaps, goddamn it, flaps! 319 00:12:06,868 --> 00:12:08,904 Okay, Your Highness, as you requested, 320 00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:11,307 we'll be making a big loop around the island, 321 00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:13,209 so just sit back and relax. 322 00:12:15,011 --> 00:12:17,146 That is physically impossible. 323 00:12:17,179 --> 00:12:19,815 (German accent): Uh, ja, this is not a good airplane. 324 00:12:19,848 --> 00:12:22,351 I hope it at least has parachutes. 325 00:12:22,384 --> 00:12:24,320 There's actually only three, so... 326 00:12:24,353 --> 00:12:25,487 -(yelps) -Gott im Himmel! 327 00:12:25,521 --> 00:12:28,290 Oh, yes, I talk. Get over it. 328 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:42,704 (jazz music playing) 329 00:12:42,738 --> 00:12:44,840 ARCHER: No, Your Highness, I just meant 330 00:12:44,873 --> 00:12:46,842 it's kinda weird, though, right? 331 00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:48,844 I think he's just reacting to the music. 332 00:12:48,877 --> 00:12:51,280 Thanks, you just defined dancing. 333 00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,881 Shut up, bird. 334 00:12:52,914 --> 00:12:54,683 No, I mean, it's not a big island, 335 00:12:54,716 --> 00:12:56,852 so the fact we've never even run into each other-- 336 00:12:56,885 --> 00:12:58,187 kind of weird, right? 337 00:12:58,220 --> 00:13:00,356 No. And should you... 338 00:13:00,389 --> 00:13:02,391 be drinking? 339 00:13:03,392 --> 00:13:04,560 -Yes. -I... 340 00:13:04,593 --> 00:13:06,062 So what's your story, Fuchs? 341 00:13:06,095 --> 00:13:07,796 What brings you out here to Mitimotu? 342 00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:10,566 -Er, uh, well, er... -Breadfruit. 343 00:13:10,599 --> 00:13:13,369 Oh, ja! I will make a plantation. 344 00:13:13,402 --> 00:13:14,803 A plantation? Where? 345 00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:16,538 Down there. On the island. 346 00:13:16,572 --> 00:13:18,474 Creating many jobs for our people. 347 00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:21,543 (chuckling) As what-- artisanal coffin builders? 348 00:13:21,577 --> 00:13:23,045 -Was? -Nothing. 349 00:13:23,079 --> 00:13:24,413 Nothing but danger. 350 00:13:24,446 --> 00:13:27,049 That jungle's stuffed to the tits with quicksand, 351 00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:29,751 ferocious baboons, poisonous snakes... 352 00:13:29,785 --> 00:13:31,220 Poisonous frogs. 353 00:13:31,253 --> 00:13:33,055 The frogs are poisonous? 354 00:13:33,089 --> 00:13:35,157 -Mildly. -Insanely. I mean, 355 00:13:35,191 --> 00:13:37,659 you get hit by a dart slathered with frog poison...? 356 00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:39,495 -Will you...? -A dart? From where? 357 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,996 -The cannibals. -Please! 358 00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,498 -What cannibals?! -The... 359 00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:44,566 The Mua Mua! Man, they are... 360 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,435 Simply a small native tribe 361 00:13:46,468 --> 00:13:48,104 that has had very limited experience 362 00:13:48,137 --> 00:13:50,206 with people from the outside world. 363 00:13:52,941 --> 00:13:54,410 -Except as food. -If you... 364 00:13:54,443 --> 00:13:55,911 Although, compared to the dragons... 365 00:13:55,944 --> 00:13:57,246 What dragons?! 366 00:13:57,279 --> 00:13:58,947 Oh, they're just extremely big lizards. 367 00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:01,083 You told me none of these dangers! 368 00:14:01,117 --> 00:14:02,851 Because the dangers... 369 00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:06,021 aren't that dangerous. And if Mister... 370 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:07,589 -PAM: Archer! -Thank you. If Mister... 371 00:14:07,623 --> 00:14:08,624 PAM: No, Archer, come here! 372 00:14:08,657 --> 00:14:09,858 Like, now! 373 00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:12,428 -What's happening? -Is there a problem? 374 00:14:12,461 --> 00:14:13,629 (chuckles): No. 375 00:14:15,964 --> 00:14:17,366 What is your problem? 376 00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:18,867 It's not my problem, it's Lucy's! 377 00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:20,536 Her fuel pressure's dropping! 378 00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,104 Son of a... 379 00:14:22,138 --> 00:14:23,705 Why do you always do this? 380 00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:25,541 I mean, I finally meet someone I might like, 381 00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,609 we're having fun, getting to know each other, 382 00:14:27,643 --> 00:14:30,646 I'm being super charming, but no, 383 00:14:30,679 --> 00:14:32,614 I'm not allowed to be happy 384 00:14:32,648 --> 00:14:35,451 because you're a big, jealous baby! 385 00:14:35,484 --> 00:14:37,553 Oh. You're talking to me? 386 00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:39,721 -Who else is there?! -The fuel pump. 387 00:14:39,755 --> 00:14:41,523 Oh, right. Okay, I've got a plan. 388 00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:46,628 PAM: I'm all ears. 389 00:14:46,662 --> 00:14:48,297 -What is wrong? -Was ist los?! 390 00:14:48,330 --> 00:14:50,132 ARCHER: Nothing, all good. Have some bubbles. 391 00:14:50,166 --> 00:14:51,567 Feather props! 392 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:52,968 Feather one! Feather two! 393 00:14:53,001 --> 00:14:54,170 FUCHS: Nein! Let me go! 394 00:14:54,203 --> 00:14:55,637 Okay, now let me see if we... 395 00:14:55,671 --> 00:14:58,307 -We are going to die up here! -No, we're not! 396 00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:00,309 Yeah, it's the ground that kills ya. 397 00:15:00,342 --> 00:15:01,677 -Thanks. -Eh. 398 00:15:01,710 --> 00:15:03,979 But how can we fly with no engines?! 399 00:15:04,012 --> 00:15:05,514 The same way a bird does... 400 00:15:05,547 --> 00:15:06,982 Flapping around with hollow bones? 401 00:15:07,015 --> 00:15:08,284 ARCHER: Shut up, bird! 402 00:15:08,317 --> 00:15:10,819 We're gonna glide right into a smooth landing. 403 00:15:10,852 --> 00:15:13,155 Where?! The island has no runway! 404 00:15:13,189 --> 00:15:15,257 The ocean is the runway. 405 00:15:15,291 --> 00:15:16,692 But... (startled yelp) 406 00:15:16,725 --> 00:15:18,927 ARCHER: Wh...? No, no, no, no, no, no! 407 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,662 PAM: Well, it was. 408 00:15:20,696 --> 00:15:22,164 Goddamn it, Fuchs! 409 00:15:22,198 --> 00:15:23,865 Ach! Why would someone put 410 00:15:23,899 --> 00:15:25,701 the landing gear control there?! 411 00:15:25,734 --> 00:15:27,669 Because they didn't know you're an asshole? 412 00:15:27,703 --> 00:15:29,371 -Get 'em up! -Love to... 413 00:15:29,405 --> 00:15:31,773 -But... -Goddamn it! 414 00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:34,009 -What?! -We can't land on the water 415 00:15:34,042 --> 00:15:36,345 if the frickin' wheels are down! 416 00:15:36,378 --> 00:15:38,347 And if there is no runway... 417 00:15:38,380 --> 00:15:40,282 Oof! What are you doing? 418 00:15:40,316 --> 00:15:42,351 -CYRIL: Parachutes! -(Krieger squawks) 419 00:15:42,384 --> 00:15:44,520 CYRIL: (exclaims) Where are the parachutes?! 420 00:15:44,553 --> 00:15:45,854 Oh, for the... Pussy! 421 00:15:45,887 --> 00:15:47,022 No, he's right! 422 00:15:47,055 --> 00:15:48,557 -What? -FUCHS: Ah-ha! 423 00:15:48,590 --> 00:15:51,026 -You all gotta bail out! -Oka atua! 424 00:15:51,059 --> 00:15:54,196 Go on! I'll get us over land, you get the princess in a chute, 425 00:15:54,230 --> 00:15:56,232 get her down safe, and get her home safe! 426 00:15:56,265 --> 00:15:58,534 -What about you?! -I'll try to bring Lucy down 427 00:15:58,567 --> 00:16:01,036 easy in the water. Go on, I'll be fine! 428 00:16:01,069 --> 00:16:04,273 -No, you won't! -Just go, you big dumb ox! 429 00:16:05,507 --> 00:16:07,643 Wow. 430 00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:10,712 Okay, let's go, Your Fanciness. 431 00:16:10,746 --> 00:16:12,381 Vater Unser im Himmel, 432 00:16:12,414 --> 00:16:13,815 geheiligt werde dein Name... 433 00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:15,551 Better pray I don't kick your ass... 434 00:16:15,584 --> 00:16:17,719 -What do we do? What do we do? -Well, the first thing 435 00:16:17,753 --> 00:16:19,655 you want to do is take some deep breaths. 436 00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,257 While you help her put that on. 437 00:16:21,290 --> 00:16:22,891 You help her! I am getting... 438 00:16:22,924 --> 00:16:24,726 Ow! 439 00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,928 Your fists are like... 440 00:16:26,962 --> 00:16:28,264 Dosenschinken! 441 00:16:28,297 --> 00:16:29,731 (chuckles) Yeah, I get that a lot. 442 00:16:29,765 --> 00:16:31,567 Hey! We don't have all day here! 443 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,402 Once we get below a thousand feet, 444 00:16:33,435 --> 00:16:35,604 those chutes are basically just laundry! 445 00:16:35,637 --> 00:16:37,906 PAM: Hang on, we're almost ready! 446 00:16:37,939 --> 00:16:39,508 Will you hurry up?! 447 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,842 Will you shut up?! 448 00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:42,744 -There! Happy? -Not really! 449 00:16:42,778 --> 00:16:45,247 Okay, you two! Jesus! 450 00:16:45,281 --> 00:16:46,948 You can bitch on the way down. 451 00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:48,417 What is all that for?! 452 00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:49,951 -Protection. -(cocks gun) 453 00:16:49,985 --> 00:16:51,453 We weren't kidding about that jungle. 454 00:16:51,487 --> 00:16:53,088 ARCHER: Come on, Pam, it's now or never! 455 00:16:53,121 --> 00:16:55,957 Let's go, people! Move! Move! Move! 456 00:16:59,995 --> 00:17:03,932 (Fuchs and Lanaluakalani screaming) 457 00:17:03,965 --> 00:17:05,434 (grunts) 458 00:17:05,467 --> 00:17:06,435 (grunts) 459 00:17:06,468 --> 00:17:09,037 PAM: Ow, my twat! 460 00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:10,706 Good luck. 461 00:17:10,739 --> 00:17:12,274 Except for you, Fuchs. 462 00:17:12,308 --> 00:17:14,042 I hope you wind up as an entree. 463 00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:17,379 Hey, Crackers? Crackers, come here, buddy! 464 00:17:17,413 --> 00:17:20,449 -Okay, so listen... -Yeah, not great, huh? 465 00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:22,784 No, no, not great. I'm gonna do the best I can, 466 00:17:22,818 --> 00:17:24,219 but we're gonna hit the water pretty hard, 467 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,388 probably even flip over. 468 00:17:26,422 --> 00:17:29,458 -Mm-hmm. -But there's a bunch of life jackets in the storage locker, 469 00:17:29,491 --> 00:17:32,961 so I want you to get in there and hunker down, okay, buddy? 470 00:17:32,994 --> 00:17:35,163 Hopefully that'll cushion the impact. 471 00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:39,301 Oh. You're talking to me. 472 00:17:39,335 --> 00:17:40,969 Wh...? Who else would I be...? 473 00:17:41,002 --> 00:17:42,904 -Oh. -Yeah. 474 00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:44,806 You can fly. Yeah. 475 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,842 So you're outta here. 476 00:17:46,875 --> 00:17:48,844 Is that weird? I mean... 477 00:17:48,877 --> 00:17:51,246 Well, yeah, obviously it's weird if you make it weird. 478 00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:52,748 Okay, you know what?! 479 00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:55,751 -(Archer grunting) -(Krieger squawking) 480 00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:58,354 Asshole! 481 00:18:00,221 --> 00:18:02,090 Yeah, I'm the asshole. 482 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,826 (grunting) Okay, Lucy, here we go! 483 00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:06,027 (groaning) 484 00:18:08,229 --> 00:18:10,198 Aah! 485 00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:16,237 ANNOUNCER: Next time on Archer: Danger Island... 486 00:18:17,373 --> 00:18:18,707 Aah! 487 00:18:21,209 --> 00:18:23,044 Fuel pump piece of shit! 488 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,017 Oh. 489 00:18:29,050 --> 00:18:31,620 (laughs) Woooohoohoohoooo!! 490 00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:33,622 Now who's the asshole? 491 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,892 Stupid bird. 492 00:18:36,925 --> 00:18:38,894 ♪ 493 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:08,289 MAN: Made in Georgia. 494 00:19:12,961 --> 00:19:14,896 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 495 00:19:18,099 --> 00:19:20,902 ANNOUNCER: Will they survive Danger Island? 496 00:19:20,936 --> 00:19:23,004 (crying) We are going to die up here. 497 00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:25,340 -No, we're not! -Yeah. (chuckles) It's the ground that kills ya. 498 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:26,708 Thanks. 499 00:19:26,742 --> 00:19:28,444 ANNOUNCER: Archer Danger Island. 500 00:19:28,477 --> 00:19:31,547 All new, Wednesdays at 10:00. Only on FXX. 34842

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