Original subtitles

[***]

ANNOUNCER: And now, Dot's Poetry Corner.

[CLEARS THROAT]

"The Teapot."

I'm a little teapot Short and stout

Here is my handle

And here is a note From my shrink

He says I'm getting better

Last week I thought I was a toaster oven

[LAUGHING]

Thank you. [FINGERS SNAPPING]

ANNOUNCER: This has been another visit to Dot's Poetry Corner.

[***]

ALL: * It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH: * Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

ALL: * Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* We've got wisecracks By the stacks *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain *

* Who want to rule The universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy *

* While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max *

* There's bologna In our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

*Here's the show's name-y *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

[MAN YELLING]

[***]

NARRATOR: And now a fairy tale to delight and relax you.

Once upon a time, in an enchanted meadow,

lived the Warner brothers and their sister, Dot.

The Warners were a happy trio.

They loved to gleefully romp about the meadow.

ALL: * Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

* Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

* Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

* Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

[ALL PANTING]

I don't know about you guys, but I'm romped out.

Really? I got at least another

nine or 10 good romps left in me.

Me too.

Not me.

I'm gonna go pick flowers

in the forbidden meadow.

BOTH: The forbidden meadow?

Need I remind you, sister sibling,

that to get to the forbidden meadow

you have to cross the bridge where the--

[GULPS] --troll lives.

[PLAYING OMINOUS MUSIC]

All right, Wakko, we got the point.

[CRASH, MAN SCREAMS]

[MAN GROANING]

Way to go.

That's the fourth assistant director you've hit this week.

See ya. I'll be in the forbidden meadow if you need me.

But what about the--

[GULPS] --troll?

[PLAYING OMINOUS MUSIC]

Enough!

He won't bother me.

BOTH: * Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

* Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

* Tall and dark And really handsome *

* The hunk from Oopoomeema's Real dumb *

* And when he strolls Each one he strolls by goes *

[SPLUTTERING]

[HUMMING]

[BELCHES]

Goats give me such gas.

[DOT HUMMING]

Sounds like dessert.

[SCREAMS]

Blah, blah, blah!

Who does your hair, sweetie?

Uh, I do.

Look at those split ends.

What kind of shampoo do you use?

Ground-up toad.

Oh, no, no, no.

Toad's for dry hair.

You should use a nice pH-balanced henna.

Well, bye-bye.

[GROWLING]

Blah! I'm gonna eat you.

Why do you wanna do that?

'Cause I'm a troll!

[PLAYING OMINOUS MUSIC]

You don't wanna eat me.

I'm just a little skinny thing.

I know. Eat my brothers.

They're way meatier than I am.

They should be coming over the bridge any minute now.

Please?

Hm...

Okay, I'll eat your brothers.

You can go.

Thank you.

Good luck with your hair!

NARRATOR: Psst, Yakko, Wakko.

We're on.

BOTH: * Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

* Romp, romp, romp... * [GROANS]

* Romp, romp-- *

Where are you going?

Ah, my bottom's all sore from romping.

I'm gonna go pick flowers with Dot.

Fine, don't worry about me.

I'll find someone to romp with.

[WHISTLES]

I love cartoons.

And...

ALL: * Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

* Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

* We're tiny, we're toony *

* We're all a little... *

Ah, I'm sick of that song.

* It's time for Animaniacs And-- *

[YELLS]

Blah, blah, blah!

What happened to your hair?

Wait a minute.

I know, you're a troll!

[PLAYING OMINOUS MUSIC]

Well, somebody had to do it.

I'm gonna eat you. Blah!

You can't eat me, Mr. Troll.

I'm under contract.

Warner Bros. would be very upset with you.

They'd sue your pants off.

Ow! Ooh.

Go on through.

Thank you.

Oh, anyway, you should eat my brother.

He's way meatier than I am.

[ALL GROANING]

Come on, one more romp.

I'll even get in front this time.

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

[***]

Come on.

* Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

* Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

* Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

Blah! I'm gonna eat you!

* Romp, romp, romp, romp, romp Hey! *

NARRATOR: And so Yakko joined his siblings

to pick flowers in the forbidden meadow.

The end.

[***]

ALL: Good night, everybody!

[***]

ANNOUNCER: And now, Dot's Poetry Corner.

[CLEARS THROAT]

"Roses are Red."

Roses are red, violets are blue

That's what they say But it just isn't true

Roses are red And apples are too

But violets are violet Violets aren't blue

An orange is orange But Greenland's not green

A pinky's not pink So what does it mean?

To call something blue When it's not, we defile it

But, ah, what the heck It's hard to rhyme violet

ANNOUNCER: This has been another visit to Dot's Poetry Corner.

[***]

[IMITATING ENGINE]

MINDY: Go, cart, go.

Everything okay out here, honey?

Hi, lady.

Call me "Mom."

If you need me I'll be inside

drafting a PTA resolution against negligent mothers.

Okay, lady. I love you, bye-bye.

She knows I'm "Mommy." One day she'll call me that.

Buttons, I want you to watch Mindy.

And don't dig any more holes in my flower bed.

I've just planted mums.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

[VEHICLE APPROACHING]

Well, that seems tight.

[GASPS]

Wanna drive clown car.

[GRUNTING]

Whee!

[LAUGHING]

[GASPS]

[BARKING]

[BARKING]

[SQUEALING]

[SCREAMS]

MINDY: Whee!

Clown car!

[WHIMPERING]

Hi, Buttons, doggy-head.

[GROANS]

[THUD]

[LAUGHING]

MINDY: Clown car, clown car!

Clown car, clown car.

Clown car!

ANNOUNCER [OVER PA]: Gentlemen, start your engines.

[ENGINES REVVING]

Clown car.

[SCREAMS]

Whee! Fun.

Whew.

[YELPS]

[SIGHS]

[HOWLING]

Funny puppy.

[SHEEP BLEATING]

MINDY: Stop, clown car!

Stop, clown car!

Stop!

[SIREN WAILING]

[AIR HISSING]

[DRILL WHIRRING]

Hee-hee! Silly Buttons.

MAN: All clear!

Hi, Mr. Man. What you doing?

Cleaning an oil filter.

Why? 'Cause it's dirty.

Why?

It's got oil all over it.

Why?

It's a car thing, kid.

Now, look out. I gotta get to work.

Okay, I love you. Bye-bye.

Clown car.

Does this gas station give coupons?

Ha-ha. A jest, grace under pressure.

Hemingway would love me.

I have to potty.

Clown car.

Change this tire. It's a dog.

Oops, sorry.

[DRILL WHIRRING]

[GRUNTING]

[YELPS]

All clear!

MINDY: Happy clown.

[***]

Hey!

MINDY: Vroom! Vroom!

Buttons.

[YELPS]

Buttons.

[LAUGHING]

[WHIMPERING]

Doggy no see.

[***]

Whee!

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

Dirty doggy.

[SPITTING]

Buttons, I told you not to dig holes.

Bad dog, bad.

Look at this old piece of junk you've dug up!

Bad, bad dog!

[***]

[***]

[PHONE RINGS]

HOWIE [OVER RADIO]: Hello, you're on The Howie Turn Show.

MAN: Uh, yeah, Howie?

That's my name, don't wear it out.

And turn down your radio, you goofball.

And I'm a robin. You're on the air.

Am I on the air? Oh, all right.

I just wanted to say that I think you guys are great

and I love your show.

Oh, really? Well, look, call someone who cares!

[BELCHES] [LAUGHING]

Ha-ha. I love it when youse burp.

And, sir, I love it when I hang up on you.

He was giving you a compliment, Howie.

I'm the number one media personality in the world, Robin.

Like I need compliments from these people?

[BELCHES] [RINGS]

Next caller. You're on the air.

WOMAN: Howie? I listen to you and Robin every morning.

You're like my best friends.

Oh, that's so sweet, thank you.

Hey, lady. Here's some advice.

If we're your best friends, then get a life!

Ha-ha-ha! That's so great, Howie.

I love this job.

You're incorrigible, Howie.

Don't you ever get pangs of conscience?

Hm. Truthfully...

No! Ha-ha-ha!

All right, very good. Next loser, I mean caller.

You're on the air. YAKKO: Hello?

Yeah, you're on the air. What do you want already?

Uh, we don't think you should be so nasty

to your callers.

Ooh, you don't, don't you?

Uh-uh. Maybe you should try to be a little nicer.

Ooh, be a little nicer? Now, wait, wait.

Let me get this straight now.

You're telling me, Howie Turn, what to do?

Well, why don't you come here and say that, you loser!

Ha! We're here.

[YELLS]

Who are you?

BOTH: We're the Warner brothers.

And the Warner sister.

And you must be Howie Turn.

That's me, you're lookin' at him.

Nice wig you got there.

Does Cher know you're borrowing it?

[LAUGHS]

What are you snickering at?

It made me laugh.

She obviously has good taste.

Would you mind telling me what you are doing in my studio?

You told us to come here.

They got you there, Howie.

Hey, Robin, whose side are you on?

Ours I hope.

[BOTH SMOOCHING]

All right, enough.

I want you kids out of here now!

You're messing up my show!

Hey, your show was messed up way before we got here.

Ooh, very funny. Who writes your material?

They do.

Look, why don't you just go and bother Rush Limbaugh?

"We're afraid he might eat us."

[LAUGHS]

Stop laughing at them.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Ooh, I like her.

Are you challenging me?

No.

All right, you little paint smears.

Stick around.

I'll show you why my show is number one.

All right, listen up, America.

If you've just tuned in, I've got three kids in here

that think they're funnier than the great Howie Turn.

You know what I say to that?

[BELCHES] That's not a burp.

Oh, no? Nope.

[BELCHES]

[CRASHING]

That's a burp.

[LAUGHING]

What kind of fool do you take me for?

Ooh, ooh! I know, I know.

Let me answer, okay? Come on.

Ooh, yeah, these kids think they're really cute.

I can't help it if I'm cute.

[SPITTING]

He's got gingivitis.

I am Howie Turn, I'm a big star.

I'm a household name!

So is the Mr. Ty-D-Bol Man. Are you related?

Well, that's pretty funny coming from a kid

who looks like a demented monkey.

BOTH: Oh.

You know, you could talk

your head off all day and never miss it.

Oh, yeah? Well, is that your face

or did you block a kick?

Too bad the closest you'll ever come

to a brainstorm is a light drizzle.

There's a train leaving in a few minutes.

Why don't you be under it?

You know, you'd make a fortune

renting your head out as a balloon.

Oh--? Oh, yeah? Well, I-- I guess

you're one of those mighty brains.

Mighty empty.

Last time I saw a mouth that big

it had a fish hook in it.

You're a little shorty...shorty!

Oh, yeah?

You couldn't even count to 20

without taking off your shoes.

You're a little big-eared kid.

You've got a great face for radio.

You're a-- You're a-a noony-head.

I know you are, but what am I?

You're a-- A, uh...

Watch out! Duck and cover, duck and cover.

A, uh, uh...

[YELLING]

[BABBLING]

Well, sibs, he's finally starting to make sense.

Our job here is done.

But let this be a lesson to all,

for wherever there is belching--

DOT & WAKKO: We'll be there.

Wherever there is stupidity--

DOT & WAKKO: We'll be there.

Wherever there is candy--

We'll be there a lot quicker!

[***]

[***]

ANNOUNCER: And now, Dot's Poetry Corner.

[CLEARS THROAT]

"The Poem That I Wrote."

This is the poem that I wrote

These are the words

That are in the poem That I wrote

This is the mouth That's saying the words

That are in the poem That I wrote

This is the person Who has the mouth

That's saying the words that Are in the poem that l wrote

This is the audience That would do anything

To shut up the person

Who has the mouth That's saying the words

That are in the poem That I wrote.

This is the TV show That tortures an audience

Until they would do anything

To shut up the person Who has the...

ANNOUNCER: This has been another visit to Dot's Poetry Corner.

[***]

It's that time again.

To make Stove Top stuffing instead of potatoes?

No. It's time to learn the day's lesson.

And to find out what it is,

we turn to the Wheel of Morality.

Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn.

Tell us the lesson that we should learn.

Moral number two.

And the moral of today's story is:

"Don't be a fool, stay in school."

I'm speechless.

Pat, I'd like to buy a vowel.

Wrong wheel.

Oh, sorry.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

ALL: Yikes!

[***]

[***]

[APPLAUSE]

ANNOUNCER: Hey, Warner brothers and the Warner sister,

you've just completed another great show.

What are you gonna do now?

We're going to...

the bathroom.