Original subtitles

My Father The Tuna won't be seen tonight.

We'll be back next week.

Now, let's watch the following special presentation.

[***]

ANNOUNCER: Live from the Dorothy Chandelier Pavilion,

it's the Warner brothers' and their sister Dot's

65th Anniversary Special.

Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Viza Mizzeli.

[APPLAUSE]

* For 65 years We've laughed at their mayhem *

* Here are the words We use to explain them *

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Uh-oh.

I was afraid of this.

ALL: * Silly, bizarre Loony, mad and kooky *

* Crazy, wigged-out Giddy, bad and goofy *

* Yakko, Wakko and Dot *

* They're hip They're cool *

* They're hot *

* They're Warners *

* Fabulous Warners Wonderful Warners *

* Look out The Warners are back *

[SCREAMS]

[APPLAUSE]

These people will clap at anything.

Hey, everybody.

Wanna hear me play

"Yankee Doodle" with my armpits?

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Ah... almost anything.

* Yes, the Warners are back They're really the most *

* Now here he is Our fabulous host *

[APPLAUSE]

Hey. How about that dance number, huh?

Wasn't that something? That was wild.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Hey, we're here to pay tribute

to the Warners on their 65th anniversary.

And I wanna tell you, don't they look great?

Sixty-five years.

Yeah, these kids make Dick Clark

look like Abe Lincoln.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Was that a joke? Am I missing something?

Can me go now?

Why would you want to go?

This tribute is one

of the entertainment industry's greatest gifts.

Can we return it and get a Chia Pet instead?

Shh.

Yakko, Wakko and Dottie's story

began way back in 1929.

Yeah. Warner Brothers Animation.

It was here that the Warners discovered by their--

Ah, there I go again.

Could you have the cue card gal come a little closer?

It was here that the Warners were discovered

by their first director, Weed Memlo.

I look back on my days with Yakko, Wakko and Dot

as the most miserable time of my life.

That's our Weed.

I was directing Outback Buddy.

Buddy was a cartoon character with big eyes.

Big, huge, gigantic, enormous round eyes.

Anyway, the cartoon was almost finished,

so I asked Lon Borax, the animator,

to show it to me.

[***]

* I'm a-frolicking In the outback *

* Just as chipper as I can be *

* Got no cares And got no worries *

* I'm happy Outback Buddy *

Well, what do you think?

Congratulations, Borax.

You've discovered a cure for insomnia.

That's the most boring cartoon I've ever seen.

Do you realize we have to show

this cartoon to the front office tomorrow?

It's not that bad.

No, it's worse. Fix it!

Add more characters. Poop it up.

Stay up all night if you have to.

I want funny.

If you need me, I'll be at The Smoke House.

I worked all night on that cartoon.

I was exhausted, and then--

And then, I remember, it was exactly 2:43 a.m.

on the morning of February 30th.

I-- I started drawing these weird characters.

[CACKLING]

[SCREAMS]

[CRASHES]

The next day, we were supposed to show the cartoon

to the studio brass...

but I couldn't find Lon around anywhere.

Later, I found out he went all funny in the head...

but I hear he's getting better.

We're having soup today!

Anyway, I grabbed the finished cartoon

and showed it to the big guy.

[***]

* I'm a-frolicking In the outback *

* Just as chipper as I can be *

* Got no cares And got no worries *

ALL: Shh.

ALL: * We've smashed Outback Buddy *

PLOTZ: Well, it was unusual.

It wasn't the typical Buddy cartoon.

Frankly, it was weird.

But I told Weed Memlo to put the Warners

in another Buddy cartoon.

[***]

[WHISTLING THEME SONG]

ALL: * We've smashed Postman Buddy *

Working with the Warners was a true joy.

I loved it.

[GIGGLES]

We made a series of Buddy/Warner cartoons.

There was"Gardening Buddy."

[***]

[SNIFFS]

"Baker Buddy.

[***]

And, of course, "Bus Driver Buddy."

Oh. Those were the happiest days of my life.

[GIGGLES]

I didn't think we needed Buddy anymore.

It was hard, but I had to fire him.

The Warners fought for him though.

They liked hitting him with their mallets.

But still, it was time for him to go.

I'm now a nut farmer in Ojai.

I'm very happy.

[GIGGLES]

I decided to give the Warners

their very own series of cartoons.

That was the biggest mistake of my life.

Hey, I wanna tell you...

Listen, we'll find out what happened

to those crazy kids right after this break.

Don't go away, huh?

[APPLAUSE]

ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned.

We'll be back with more of the Warner brothers

and their sister Dot's 65th Anniversary Special.

Too bad the Warners won't be around

to enjoy a 66th anniversary.

Not after I'm through with them.

Not after...tonight.

[***]

[***]

ANNOUNCER: This portion of The Warners' 65th Anniversary

is brought to you by Smellogg's Branimaniacs.

For that get-up-and-go feeling.

Slappy eats 'em. Shouldn't you too?

[APPLAUSE]

And now, back to The Warners' 65th Anniversary Special.

And so the Warners were scheduled

to appear in their very own cartoon.

[***]

I told the kids,

"Look, if they want you to make more cartoons,

do yourself a favor, get an agent."

The agent these kids got for themselves

was tough.

A real grinder.

Guy by the name of, eh-- Eh...LaBoo.

Uh-- Uh, Swifty LaBoo.

Oh, shrewd negotiator.

[CLUCKING]

He wasn't an agent. He was a chicken.

I said, Plotz, what's the matter with you?

You're negotiating with a chicken.

He was not a chicken.

Feinman doesn't know what he's talking about.

A-anyway, we signed the contracts.

When I heard they signed a four-cartoon deal,

I was so happy for them.

[GIGGLES]

Their first cartoon

was the most bizarre thing I'd ever seen.

If I remember it correctly, eh,

they had flypaper stuck on their fannies.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[***]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[TEARING NOISE]

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

It was an okay cartoon for a short,

but this thing went on for eight hours.

Eight hours.

That cartoon was brilliant.

It had an irreverent sagacity and a lugubrious effervescence.

It was genius in its subtlety of--

[HIGH VOICE] Never mind.

It was the stupidest thing I had ever seen.

They were like some kind of freaks.

You try directing those kids. They drove me crazy.

Wakko kept eating up the scenery. He'd eat it.

Do you know how expensive backgrounds are?

Ooh. Weed was always screaming and yelling at them.

In fact, in their second cartoon,

if you listen very carefully,

you can hear Weed screaming at Wakko.

[***]

WEED: No, no. Use the spoon.

Use the spoon!

No. Spit out the spoon. Spit out the spoon.

Don't just look at me! Do something!

Noo! Spit out the bowl!

Spit it out!

Weed Memlo couldn't handle the Warners.

He could do a Buddy cartoon, sure.

But when it came to the Warners,

he had no idea what he was doing.

It's not that we didn't get along...

How can I put this?

I hate them.

So I had to take Weed off the Warner cartoons.

But he went on to direct hygiene films for the Navy.

I won an award for How to Shampoo,

and the sequel, How to Rinse.

No director would get near the Warners.

[CHEWS NOISILY]

This cereal is so delicious.

But they still had one more cartoon

under their contract.

That's when Plotz made

the stupidest decision of his life.

He let Wakko direct.

What ayutz.

Wakko worked day and night

on the script with Joseph Mankiewicz.

[CHEWS NOISILY]

Mm. Yummy cereal.

Finally, the cartoon was completed.

[***]

[ALL HUMMING "YANKEE DOODLE"]

[ARMPIT NOISES TO MUSIC]

Plotz was furious about that cartoon.

The moment he saw it, he canceled their contract.

Their agent was livid.

You could hear them arguing all over the studio.

PLOTZ: That's it. The Warners are through.

[LABOO CLUCKING ANGRILY]

[CLUCKING]

Don't you take that tone with me, LaBoo.

The Warners are finished.

They'll never make another cartoon

at this studio as long as I live.

What do you think about that?

[CLUCKING]

[SCREAMS]

[***]

[CLUCKS SOFTLY]

I was so sad when I heard the Warners

weren't gonna make any more cartoons.

I was such a fan.

Really.

[GIGGLES]

With no cartoons to make,

the Warners were free run around the lot as they pleased.

And did they run around.

[***]

[ALL SCREAMING]

Wait. I didn't say, Simon says.

Back then, if you were a chorus girl, watch out.

Yakko and Wakko would always pop out of something,

give you a big kiss and say, uh--

What was that phrase?

"Hello, endocrinologist."

No, that wasn't it.

It was, uh, "Hello..."

"Hello, nana."

Not nana. Never nana.

It was, uh... It was--

It was--

BOTH: Hello, nurse.

[BOTH KISS]

BOTH: Wanna go steady?

[SCREAMS]

Dot was just as bad.

DIRECTOR: Action.

[***]

You can still surrender, pilgrim.

Yep. Draw, sheriff.

All right. But I warned you.

Bang.

Huh?

Mwah.

Say you'll never leave me.

Say we'll always be together.

[SCREAMS]

"Hello, fudgy."

Not fudgy.

It was, "Hello, Nanki-poo."

No.

Everywhere you went, there they were.

Popping out all over the place.

Especially at the commissary.

Can we eats with you?

[ALL SCREAMING]

[***]

[ALL CHEWING NOISILY]

[GULPS]

Eh, p-- Eh, p-- Pretty soon,

it got so bad, people were afr--

Eh, afr-- Eh, scared to walk around the lot.

They put bean dip in my saddle.

But they came up behind me

and tried to straighten my t-t--

Eh, t-t-- Eh, tail.

Gall-darn varmints used to call me,

"itty-bitty baby man."

[PROUDLY] Was that nice.

For so-- I say, for some reason,

they had a particular affinity for Jimmy Cagney.

Called him, their special friend.

They drove the poor guy crazy.

Eh, loony, that is.

[PANTING]

[SOBBING]

Shh.

[ALL GIGGLING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

The Warners had single-handedly brought

this studio to a screeching halt.

Something had to be done.

So we captured them

and locked them in the water tower.

And the best part of it was

we had it Perma-Sealed so they could never escape.

[CHUCKLES]

They'd spend the rest of their lives

in there alone.

[***]

[APPLAUSE]

Yeah, that was back in 1934.

Hey, when we come back, we'll find out how the Warners

spent the next 60 years.

Hey, I got socks that old.

Don't go away.

The Warner brothers and their sister Dot's

65th Anniversary Special

will continue, right after this.

[***]

Happy anniversary,

you cuddly, puppy-wuppy kids.

I wanna love you and squeeze you

and bathe you and diaper you.

And eat your cute little heads.

And fade to black.

[***]

[TICKING]

When the Warners step up to the podium tonight,

it'll be the last thing they ever do.

[CACKLING]

Happy anniversary, Warners.

Why, Skippy, what are you doing?

Oh, hello, Aunt Slappy.

I was just congratulating the Warners

and having some Branimaniacs,

part of this complete breakfast.

Oh, boy.

[***]

[APPLAUSE]

And so in 1934,

the Warners were locked away in the water tower...

never to be heard from again.

Or so we thought.

Well, once every few years,

the water tower had to be fumigated for termites.

So we had to let the Warners out for a day.

They'd dash off the lot and go who knows where.

It was 1945.

I was with the American delegation at Yalta,

where President Roosevelt, Winston Churchill and Stalin

met to decide the fate of postwar Europe.

Can I have Romania?

Sure.

Okay.

Can we jump on your belly?

Okay.

ALL: Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy.

Boingy, boingy--

Then Stalin wanted to jump on Churchill's belly.

Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy.

It was our third show of 1968.

Anyway, the next act was supposed to be

a dancing bears act.

So Ed introduced it.

And now, next on our stage,

the very famous and talented Joe Marzipan

and his family of dancing bears.

[***]

[APPLAUSE]

[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

* Be cool And smell a flower *

* Make love Not war and shower *

* Kiss the world And be groovy *

* Go ahead and make a gookie *

BOTH: * Ba-ra, ba-ra, ba-ra *

* Make a gookie *

* Ba-ra, ba-ra, ba-ra *

* Make a gookie *

It was 1977 at the Disco Championships in New York.

First prize was an eight-track tape player,

a mood ring and a copy of "Muskrat Love."

I thought I had it all locked up.

Then these kids showed up.

[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

ALL: * Ow, ow, ow, ow Hurting our feet *

* Hurting our feet *

*Ow, ow, ow, ow Hurting our feet *

* It should be clear *

* From the types of clothes We choose *

* We're disco kids With disco shoes *

* They may be cool They may look neat *

* But wearing them Sure hurts our feet *

* Ow, ow, ow, ow Hurting our feet *

LOU: Were those kids good.

We was all there at the Berlin Wall,

ready to tear it down.

But we had no hammers or anything like this.

[SNAPS] And then those kids showed up.

ALL: Wall, wall, wall.

Wall, wall--

Need a little help?

Yeah, yeah.

[***]

ALL: Wall, wall, wall.

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

HUNDHOSEN: It was perfect,

except for the fact that they charged us

for the mallets.

Said they needed money for the candy.

[GRUNTING]

Hey, how about those kids, huh?

Aren't they wonderful?

Boy, I tell you, they've been around the world

more times than Jules Verne.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Hey, isn't that funny, huh?

But each time they escaped,

they've always been captured,

locked back in the water tower,

where they still live to this day.

But tonight, the kids have been

permitted out to join us here.

[BOMB TICKING]

And now, to say a few words

right here--

Cue card guy's moving on me.

Here they are,

the Warner brothers, and their sister Dottie.

[SNORING] [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

[***]

Wake up.

Is it over?

You have to go make your speech. Go, go.

Very soon now, the Warners will be gone.

[CACKLES]

ALL: Mwah!

Maybe you should retire.

Thank you, everyone.

We'll never forget tonight,

no matter how hard we try.

My siblings and I owe a great deal

of debt to many people,

most of whom would like to remain anonymous. [TICKING]

Very special people

like Weed Memlo...

At last. Sweet revenge.

[NORMAL VOICE] You destroyed my career, Warners.

Now, I'm going to destroy you.

[CACKLING]

...and our psychiatrist, Dr. Scratchansniff.

But there's one person to whom we owe the most.

He gave us our start.

That person is... Buddy.

Me?

We just wish Buddy were here to share this honor with us.

But I am here. I am here.

[AUDIENCE GASPS] Wait, wait. I really am here.

ALL: Buddy.

[FLASHBULBS POPPING]

Come on, Buddy.

Say a few words.

Oh...

I'm so very pleased to be

standing up here. You know...

[BOMB RINGS]

Ow. [APPLAUSE]

Wasn't that great, folks?

Let's hear it for Buddy.

[***]

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

You haven't lost it, Buddy.

They loved it.

Thanks.

Well, what more can we say, but...

good night, everybody.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

* Silly, bizarre Loony, mad and kooky *

* Crazy, wigged-out Giddy, bad and goofy *

* Yakko, Wakko and Dot *

* They're hip They're cool *

* They're hot They're Warners *

*Fabulous Warners Wonderful Warners *

* Look out The Warners are back *

We've been wanting to do that all night.

[***]

ALL: Goodbye, nurse.