Original subtitles

[***]

* It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax You'll laugh till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH: * Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner Sister, Dot *

ALL: * Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose and Then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain Who want to rule the universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped we have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max There's bologna in our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* Miss Cellany *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

MALE SINGER: * When the birds hit the street Looking for food to eat *

* That's Goodfeathers *

FEMALE SINGERS: * That's Goodfeathers *

MALE: * When I'm cooing at you And you're cooing at me*

*That's Goodfeathers *

* Take no guff 'Cause they're tough *

* Strut their stuff no cream puffs *

* That's Goodfeathers *

NARRATOR: As far back as Pesto could remember,

he never wanted to get stuck eggsitting.

Especially for his sister, Sasha.

But one day, she made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

Sit, you big clam head, or I'll twist your beak.

Ow. All right. I'm sitting, see?

Is this your egg or what? Ratatouille. I'm sitting.

Hi, Pesto.

[GIGGLES]

You're adorable on that nest.

[GIGGLES]

Adorable? What's that supposed to mean?

Are you saying that I am adorable?

Don't start with that, Pesto.

You mess up, Pesto,

I'll stuff you in a dumpster.

You know, I'm so exhausted.

LANA: I can't wait to get to Jersey.

SASHA: Did you get a preen?

KEEKEE: Like the color of my beakstick?

It's Tickle Me Pink.

SASHA: I love it!

Eggsitting's for sissy birds and featherweights.

What do I look like, a peahen over here?

Yo. Coo. Egg. It's me, your Uncle Pesto.

[COOS]

* Rock-a-bye eggie Under my tush *

[SNORING]

Ho-ho.

Look what we got over here.

Mr. Pesto on the nest-o.

[LAUGHS]

What? What? What did I do?

You eggsitting, Pesto?

Who? What? Me? Nah.

Do I look like I'm stuck eggsitting?

Ha. Heh-heh.

I ain't no embryo-yo.

No matter what you do, Pesto, eggsitting included,

you're still the most macho bird I know.

What do you mean by that?

I said you're macho, that's all.

Are you saying that I am one of the Village People here

to disco for you?

Is that what you're saying?

No, I'm not saying that.

You're saying that I am macho.

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

That's it! I'll give you macho.

SQUIT: Ow! Come on!

Oh.

Here's your macho, you big meatball!

My beak. Please, stop.

Take that! I'll whack you to Tacoma!

[***]

Hey! Yo, Pesto!

The egg you're not eggsitting just hit the street.

[GASPS]

Mother of manicotti! We gotta get that egg!

Ha! Got it.

Yow! Don't hose me.

Hey, I got water up my beak.

Mozzarella mia! It's rolling downtown.

Hey. Come on.

Don't let that egg get away.

Hey, come on, don't let it get away!

I got it!

[BRUSHING SOUND]

[***]

Sweet Scorsese! Let's grab it.

Open up, you flat-footed,

egg-snatching, flightless losers!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Oh, man. I'm a dead bird.

[COOS]

This limo's gotta stop sometime, right?

When it does, bada-bing. We get the egg.

Yeah, yeah, that's it. We get the egg.

You're a genius, Bobby.

Bobby's right.

Don't worry, Pesto. We'll get the egg.

Hey! What did I do?

Nothing.

Just felt like whacking somebody.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[GRUNT]

Whoa!

[GRUNT, SCREAMING]

That's it, that's it, that's it.

BOBBY: Bada-bingo!

[GRUNTING]

A egg.

Hey, Mom. I found a bird egg.

MOM: Oh, no. Out.

Not in the house, Zacky.

What is it with you and eggs?

Hey, he put the egg over there.

He's leaving.

We got it now.

We get it, we put it back. All nicey-nice.

Your sister will never know it was missing.

[ALL GASP]

When Sasha gets through with me,

I'll be stuffed beak first in a dumpster.

Hey. Just pick one.

An egg's an egg, you know what I'm saying?

Forget about it.

We can't pull that off. Not with Sasha.

She'd know if it was her egg or not.

[GIBBERISH IN DISTANCE]

The Godpigeon.

[KISSING]

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

The Godpigeon said, "Take all the eggs.

Then Sasha gets her egg, and she gets bonus eggs."

[SNIFFS] Yeah. Chicks like eggs.

That's why they're always having 'em.

Yeah, women. Forget about it.

Eggs this, babies that.

Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bow.

[COOS]

Anybody notice the Godpigeon had gas?

[***]

[CRACKING] [COOS]

Something's cracking out under here.

[QUACKS]

Are you quacking at me?

Are you quacking at me?

Mwah.

Aha!

[CRACKING, GURGLING]

[SASHA GASPS]

Rigatoni! What's going on?

Well, you see,

when your egg rolled downtown, we--

Your egg went for an egg roll.

What do you mean by that?

I said it went for an egg roll, that's all.

What? Are you saying my egg

went out for Chinese food?

Is that what you're saying?

No, I'm not saying that.

I said it went out for an egg roll.

An egg roll.

Yeah. Th-th-that's what I'm saying.

That's it! I'll give you egg roll.

Here's your egg roll!

Spumante.

SASHA: How about a little dim sum upside the head,

you moo shu pork brain!

How many times I gotta tell you? Don't push me.

I'm the one that's in charge here, not you. You get it?

NARRATOR: So Sasha never asked Pesto to eggsit again.

[***]

MINDY: Buttons!

Oh, Buttons.

[LAUGHS MISCHIEVOUSLY]

Silly puppy.

[***]

[***]

[BUBBLY GIGGLING]

MERMAID: Hi, Mindy. Hi, Buttons. How are you?

Now, Mindy, I'm gonna be inside admiring my conch shell.

Be a good girl and stay out of trouble.

Okay, mermaid lady.

Please don't call me "mermaid lady."

Call me "Mom," "Mommy," "Mama."

Anything. But not "mermaid lady."

Okay, mermaid lady. I love you. Bye-bye.

Maybe it's a passive-aggressive thing.

I don't know.

Now, Buttons, listen up.

I want you to keep an eye on Mindy

and stay out of the garden.

I just planted the kelp bed,

and I don't want you to mess it up.

[BARKS]

There's my conch.

Pretty jelly.

[GIGGLES]

Ooh.

[RUNS LIKE CHAINSAW]

[SCREAMS]

Jelly?

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHS] Silly puppy.

[BURPS]

[GASPS]

Boo-tiful.

[GASPS]

[PUNCHES SMACKING]

Jelly!

Jelly, jelly, jelly!

[SCREAMS]

Jelly.

[SIGHS]

[SCREAMS]

[WHINING]

Want me to help you out of the net, Mr. Funny Nose?

[CLICKS]

Okay.

What the--? A mermaid.

Quick. Trap her. We'll get on Nightline.

[WHINING]

Ah. Ah.

Ah-choo!

[GROANS]

[GRUNTING]

[GROWLING]

Ah! Trash fish.

[WAILING]

[SNIFFS]

Eww! Stinky.

[BUTTONS GROANS]

[GROANS]

[SCREAMS]

Jelly. Jelly.

Peekaboo, I see you.

[GIGGLES]

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

[TAPPING]

[GROWLS] [WHINES]

Mindy, you did right by saving the porpoise from the nets.

That was good.

Beardy-head.

No, Mindy. I am Neptune,

ocean ruler and protector of all the sea.

Beardy-head.

Call me "Neptune," call me "king"

call me "ocean ruler," but don't call me "Beardy-head."

Okay, Beardy-head. I love you. Bye-bye.

Mwah.

Strange child.

Ooh.

Jelly.

[BUTTONS YELPING]

[GROANING]

[SIGHS]

MERMAID: Buttons!

Bad merdog.

Didn't I say stay out of the garden?

Look at my kelp bed. It's ruined.

There'll be no treats for you tonight.

It's okay, Buttons. I love you. Bye-bye.

[PHONE RINGING]

* She's Katie Ka-Boom, Katie Ka-Boom *

* She lives in a house With a garden in bloom *

* Her family knows that Anytime soon *

* Their little lady, Katie *

* Goes ka-boom! *

KATIE: Guess what Bobby told Gracie in history class.

[BEEP] Oh, hold on. I just got beeped.

Katie?

Hello? Hi, Christa.

I've got Wendy on call waiting. Hold on.

Wendy, I have Christa on the other line.

Whoops, I just got beeped again.

Hello? Hi, Aya, can you hold on?

Christa, Aya says hi. [MAKES ENGINE NOISES]

Oh, hold on. I got beeped again.

Hi, Gracie. Can you hold on a sec?

Aya, Gracie's on hold.

Mom, I'm on the phone.

Katie, sweetheart,

your father has to make an important business call.

I'll call you back. Bye.

I'll call you back. Bye. I'll call you back. Bye.

Thanks. We appreciate your sacrifice.

[HUMS]

All clear, dear.

Oh, thanks, hon.

[RINGS]

Hello, Bill?

Yeah, how about those Tigers, huh?

Look, sorry it took so long to get back to you.

I was going over these figures here and--

[BEEP]

Oh, darn this call waiting.

C-can you hold, please?

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

Hello? No, Katie can't come to the phone.

Call back.

Yeah. I'm sorry, Bill.

Now, as I was saying--

Oh, a-- All right, then, I'll proceed as--

As planned.

Thank you, Bill. Yeah, goodbye.

Who called me, Daddy?

Uh, just a sec, uh, princess.

Somebody called me. Who was it?

Uh-- Oh, yeah. It was a boy.

Uh...didn't get his name.

A boy? A boy? Oh, my golly!

Was it Jared or was it Ralph? Mike or Joel?

Oh-- I'm sorry, honey. [GROWLS]

I-- I'm not sure just-- I-I-I don't know.

You don't know?!

My life is ruined!

Oh, dear. Here we go again. [GROWLING]

[BLOWS WHISTLE, ALARM SOUNDING]

Sound the alert! Man the battle stations!

My life is ruined!

[GROWLING]

Red alert. Red alert.

Teen girl overreacting on Oak Tree Lane.

Send in reinforcements.

I am not overreacting!

[GROWLS]

[HEAVY FOOTSTEPS]

Now-- Now, Katie, pumpkin.

A-aren't you taking this just a little too far?

Too far? Rar!

How's this for too far?

[LINE BEEPING]

Oh. So here's the new Yellow Pages.

Now, now, Katie.

We're your parents, kitten, and we love you.

Now...please don't be irrational.

I am not irrational!

I am a teenager!

[PHONES RINGING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello? Hi, Mike.

Oh, yeah. Page 51.

Questions three to 35.

Okay? Bye.

It was Mike.

He needed the homework assignment.

[GIGGLES]

She'll grow out of it, right?

Let us pray.

* Her family knows that Anytime soon *

*Their little lady, Katie Goes...ka-boom *

[***]

That's it!