Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: And now, Dot's Poetry Corner.

[CLEARS THROAT]

"Jack Sprat."

Jack Sprat Could eat no fat

So he became macrobiotic And a giant pain in the neck

Thank you.

[FINGERS SNAPPING]

ANNOUNCER: This has been another visit to Dot's Poetry Corner.

[***]

ALL: * It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH: * Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

ALL: * Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain *

* Who want to rule The universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy *

* While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max *

* There's bologna In our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* Dana Delany *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

[***]

[***]

ANNOUNCER: Baloney and Kids is brought to you by this station

and other stations that lack clever programming.

["YANKEE DOODLE" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]

KIDS: * Baloney is our Friendly friend *

* That we made up ourselves *

* He likes to play And sing all day *

* That we made up ourselves *

[***]

Boy, there's nothing better to do after school

than stay at school and play.

I love school so much,

I wish I could marry it.

Hey, we can pretend.

[***]

Did someone say "pretend"?

[LAUGHS]

BOTH: Baloney!

We brought some new friends to play.

Oh, goody, goody.

[LAUGHS]

Come on in. It's Yakko, Wakko and Dot.

[LAUGHS]

I'm so glad you're here.

There's nothing like new friendly friends

to make me feel all warm and yum-yum-doodle-dum inside.

[LAUGHS]

[HUMMING]

[LAUGHS]

All set for some gosh and golly-icious fun

and game-a-loos?

[LAUGHS]

Are ya?

Uh...I don't think so. Gotta run.

We'll just catch a cab. Thanks.

Neato-complete-o-yippee.

Let's all get a pretend cab.

[LAUGHS]

Vroom, va-room!

Gee, I'd like to, Baloney,

but I've gotta do my homework

before I help my mom make dinner.

And I've gotta iron my bed.

BOTH: Yay!

[WHIMPERING] Wait! Take us!

Bye-bye, kids.

Have funny-fun-yum-yum fun-fun-yum-fun.

Looks like it's just us.

[LAUGHS]

Imagine our delight.

Imagine? Why, I'd love to imagine.

But I need a little help

from the Prince and Princesses of Props.

[***]

BOTH: Hello, Princesses of Props nurses.

Now, wanna sing the "Imagine Song"?

Uh, not really.

Is that cute girl coming back? Cute girl?

Goshums, Yakko, I don't know what you're talking about.

There's a shocker.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

* I is for "imagine" M is for "me" *

* A is for the letter A G is for "gee" *

* I is for "imagine" N is for "nice" *

* E is for "egad" I said "imagine" twice *

[LAUGHS]

Great song.

Thanks. Let's hug.

Ah-ah-ah. Why don't you just go ahead and imagine that too, huh?

Okay.

[LAUGHS]

I love me. Yum-yum-doodle-dum.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah. Well, it's been fun, friend,

but we've gotta get back to planet reality now.

Great idea.

Let's play Astronauts in Outer Space.

[LAUGHS]

Hello, Mission Control.

[LAUGHS]

Hello, Baloney.

[LAUGHS]

Our sensors show that you're out of oxygen.

Goodbye.

You'll be remembered as a hero.

[GAGGING]

Maybe we should stop pretending.

Could be tough.

We have very strong imaginations.

You're silly.

[LAUGHS]

Boy, that's the pot calling the kettle black.

I know. Let's make masks and guess who we are.

[CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

* I hold up a mask *

* Lingy-lingy-loo *

* You guess who I am *

* Lingy-lingy-loo *

[LAUGHS]

Are we being punished?

BOTH: Yes.

Guess who.

[LAUGHS]

Is it... Abraham Lincoln?

[LAUGHS]

No.

Hmmm.

Could it be Nancy Kerrigan?

[LAUGHS]

No.

Is it a...

big, fat polyester dinosaur

who's the color of an International House of Pancakes

with a paper plate over his face?

No!

It's me, Baloney!

ALL: You're kidding.

Now, why don't you make masks, and I'll guess who you are?

[LAUGHS]

Um, because we'd rather have lunch

with the Princesses of Props?

[***]

Hmmm.

Gee, I don't know who you are.

I'm Vladimir Horowitz.

I'm Gertrude Stein.

And I'm Gustav Anvil, the inventor of the anvil.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, those were good masks.

Hey! Wakko gave me another idea.

Let's sing "The Anvil Song."

Gee, goshums, Yakko. I don't know that one.

Don't worry, you'll catch on real quick.

Yakko, is our use of falling anvils

going to be a bit excessive?

Yep.

Okay.

ALL: "The Anvil Song."

[FUN MUSIC PLAYING]

* An anvil's Black and shiny *

* It's very Heavy too *

* So watch out My chubby friend *

WARNERS: * Or one will fall on you *

On me?

[LAUGHS]

Ah!

That wasn't pretty.

But it had to be done.

[LAUGHS WEAKLY]

[***]

Great song.

[LAUGHS]

Neato-complete-o-yippee.

It's unstoppable.

Call in the National Guard.

Or Tonya Harding's bodyguard.

Let's sing it again. I lovey-dovey loved it.

ALL: Okay.

[FUN MUSIC PLAYING]

* It's made Of solid iron *

* It weighs A ton or two *

* We know you'd like To meet it *

WARNERS: * It wants to meet you too *

[LAUGHS]

Ah!

Yay!

[LAUGHS]

Let's do it again.

Now it's getting scary.

[RINGS]

Yum-yum-doodle-dum-cuckoo.

Oh, darn. My friendly friend tells me

that it's time for us to go.

ALL: Ohhh.

I know, I know.

But we still get to sing "The Goodbye Song."

[LAUGHS]

[PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING]

ALL: * We love you *

* I love we *

WARNERS: * He's as dumb as dumb can be *

Yep. Uh-huh.

ALL: * But we found a way That we can get along *

* I stand still *

ALL: * For "The Anvil Song" *

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

Who's dropping those anvils, anyway?

Take us with you!

Don't leave us, please!

Free us from the lumpy thing!

ALL: Take us with you!

Neato-complete-o-yippee.

Mmm-mwah!

[***]

[LAUGHS]

[***]

MINDY: Buttons.

Oh, Buttons.

[SMASH]

[GIGGLES]

Silly puppy.

[***]

ANNOUNCER: Faster than a speeding greyhound.

[YELPS]

More powerful than a Doberman pinscher.

[BOTH GROWLING]

[WHIMPERS]

[ALL GROWLING]

[WHIMPERS]

[SNARLING & BARKING]

Look. Up in the sky.

It's a bird.

It's a plane.

No, it's Super Buttons.

And I hear he's not housebroken.

[ALL SCREAM]

ANNOUNCER: Yes, Super Buttons, strange family pet

with powers and abilities far beyond mortal mutt.

Yes, Super Buttons, who can retrieve a Frisbee really fast

who can bend cold steel with his bare head.

And who, disguised as Buttons,

mild-mannered pet of Super Mindy,

fights a never-ending battle

to keep Mindy out of harm's way.

[ZING]

[YELPS]

[LAUGHS]

Silly puppy.

ANNOUNCER: Super Buttons!

[***]

[GIGGLING]

Mindy, you be good out here.

Your father and I need a rest

after defending truth, justice and the American way.

Okay, super lady.

Please don't call me that.

Call me Mommy, Mom or Mother,

but not "super lady."

Okay, super lady, I love you. Bye-bye.

Maybe she got into some kryptonite.

Now, Buttons, keep an eye on Mindy

and see that she stays out of trouble.

[BARKS]

[YAWNS]

[CHIRPING]

Birdie pretty.

Oof!

[CHIRPING]

[GRUNTING]

[***]

[SCREAMS]

Birdie. [GASPS]

Birdie.

Birdie. [HORNS HONKING]

Peekaboo, birdie.

[WHIMPERS]

[GROWLS]

What you doing, Mr. Man?

What's it look like? We're robbin' the bank.

Why?

'Cause we're bank robbers.

Why?

'Cause that's what bad guys do.

Why?

'Cause maybe our mothers didn't hug us when we was kids.

[CHIRPING]

Okay, I love you. Bye-bye.

Yikes. It's Super Buttons. Let's scram.

[YELPS]

[PANTING]

[FUSES HISSING]

[SCREAMS]

We've been after these hooligans for months.

Why, thank you, Super Mindy.

[CHIRPING]

Okay, I love you. Bye-bye.

Fine girl.

As your, uh, mayor,

let me assure you that I have never seen

any carnivorous spider people living atop City Hall.

I'd say it's time the mayor got some new glasses.

[CACKLING]

I'll give 10 bucks to anyone that sees a spider person.

Heck, I'll make it, uh, 50.

Uh, 50 bucks to anyone that sees a, uh, spider person.

[GASPS]

Bets are off.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[YELPS]

[WHISTLES]

[REGISTER DINGS]

[GASPS]

[COUGHING]

[WHISTLES]

[REGISTER DINGS]

[YELPS]

MINDY: Birdie.

Birdie.

[GRUNTS]

WOMAN: Buttons, you bad dog.

We told you to keep an eye on Mindy,

and you went out of the yard.

Shame on you. Shame on you.

And there'll be no treats for you.

Buttons.

[SMOOCHES]

[SIGHS]

[***]

[CHIRPING]

Okay, I love you. Bye-bye.

[PHONE RINGING]

* She's Katie Ka-Boom Katie Ka-Boom *

* She lives in a house With a garden in bloom *

* Her family knows That anytime soon *

* Their little lady Katie *

* Goes ka-Boom *

[***]

[***]

Well, now that you have a learner's permit, princess,

how'd you like to drive the rest of the way home?

Yes! I can't believe it.

Our little Katie's first driving lesson.

Me driving. This is so cool.

First thing's first.

Now, you-- You always fasten your seat belt.

I know that, Daddy. I took Driver's Ed.

Yeah. Next, adjust your mirrors, honey,

'cause, you know, you have to see what's behind you.

I know that, Daddy.

Yeah. Now, take a...deep breath,

there you go, and start up the car.

I know what I'm doing.

Listen to your father, Katie. He's got years of experience.

[DISTORTED] I know how to drive, Mom.

[GULPS]

I know how to drive.

I know how to drive!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Katie, please try to keep a cool head.

My head is cool.

[ROARS]

Katie, you're overreacting. We're only trying to help.

I am not overreacting.

I'm a teenager.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[***]

K-Katie, sweetie,

look out for the fire hydrant!

Keep your eyes on the road

and your hands on the wheel, darling.

Maybe you wanna drive?

[GROWLS]

Attention. Attention.

Student driver on Oak Tree Lane.

Clear the area. [SCREAMS]

I repeat, clear the area.

[GASPS]

[ALL GASP, SCREAM]

[WHIMPERS]

Mayday. Mayday.

Man the airbags. We're going in.

Stop it! You're making me nervous.

[ALL SMOOCHING]

Thanks for the driving lesson, Daddy.

[YELPS]

Oh. Yeah, a-anytime, princess.

Teenagers should be locked away until they're 30.

* Her family knows That anytime soon *

* Their little lady Katie Goes ka-Boom *

[***]

ANNOUNCER: And now, Dot's Poetry Corner.

[COUGHS]

"Thirty Days."

Thirty days hath September April, June, and November

All the rest have 31

Except for my Uncle Spit Who was given 30-to-life

Thank you.

[FINGERS SNAPPING]

ANNOUNCER: This has been another visit to Dot's Poetry Corner.

[***]

Okay, I love you. Bye-bye.