Original subtitles

[***]

ALL: * It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH: * Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

ALL: * Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain *

* Who want to rule The universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy * While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max *

* There's bologna In our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* Chicken chow mein-y *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

[***]

[***]

DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF: And now, kids,

I would like to sing an oldie but goody with my own lyrics.

* Tell me all about Your feelings *

* It's how I earn my pay *

* I will analyze your problems *

* And help them go away Everybody now *

Is that Dr. Scratchansniff?

Either that or someone's got a weasel in a headlock.

* Feelings *

ALL: Scratchansniff.

Let's check it out.

Hold it.

Oh. Whoops.

Thank you.

"Karaoke for kids."

Karaoke?

Sounds like a dessert.

Or a vaccine.

DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF: * Feelings *

Or an illness.

[SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE]

Ah, thank you, kiddies. You're too kind.

Thank you.

[SNORING]

What's that thing?

Kar-oh...okay.

Oh, that explains it.

Uh, you choose a song, I play the music,

and then you sing for the kids.

Like, you know: * La-la-la-la-la *

We wanna sing too.

See if they have "Disco Duck."

Then I sign you up and you wait your turn.

A more hideous phrase has never been spoken.

BOTH: Hear, hear.

Well, tough toenails.

Willie Slakmer is next.

Uh, Willie Slakmer, you're up.

The parfait, please.

Too kind. Thank you.

Yes, thank you.

Thank you, my little friends. My small friends.

Maestro, if you please.

[TINNY DISCO BEAT PLAYING]

* Baa baa black sheep *

* Have you any wool? *

* Yes, sir, ooh, yes, sir *

* Three bags full *

I think there's something missing.

Like talent?

* Three bags, three bags Three bags full *

[BLOWS]

[SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE] Thank you, my little friends.

My small friends.

Our turn.

My-- Okay,

let's hear it for Mr. Slakmer.

Ye-hey, yahoo, what a guy, wow.

And now, for your listening pleasure,

a little song we call--

Stop. It's still my turn, my little friends.

My small friends.

But we're next on the list.

Not quite.

Looks like an election ballot from Chile.

He's right, you little kids. You small kids.

Oh, don't you start that too.

And now, an interpretation of another favorite.

Maestro?

* John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt *

* His name is-- * * My name too *

Odd.

We're gonna lose our audience.

I'm gonna lose my lunch. Hiccup!

He needs help.

* Whenever we go out The people always shout *

* There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt *

* La-la-la-la-la-la-la *

And now for some singing.

What is going on?

We are, as soon as you get off.

But I'm entertaining my little friends. My--

ALL: Small friends. Yeah, we know.

I'm trying to fill their lives with joy.

[IMITATING SLAKMER] Then you should stop singing right now.

Maestro, next number.

* Jimmy crack corn And I don't care *

That makes two of us.

Return that.

Oof!

Ho-ho! Oh, I got one.

And he's a fighter.

Must be 300 pounds.

Smile!

And now, friends,

the Warner trio is pleased to sing--

Cease!

I'm not angry. [SOUNDLESSLY MIMICKING]

I am calm and cool.

But you must--

[WHISTLES]

You must accept the fact that--

That it's my turn to-- Stop it!

Your turn to stop it?

ALL: Yay!

We were getting tired of stopping it all by ourselves.

That's not what I said.

Oh, now, now, now. No fibbing.

Wakko?

SLAKMER [ON TAPE]: It's my turn to-- Stop it!

I'm not leaving the stage until I sing all my songs.

Well, I guess he'll just have to sing all his songs.

Maestro, if you please.

Hey, it's the Goodyear Doughnut.

Where?

Chocolate!

* Oh, my darlin' Oh, my darlin' *

* Oh, my darlin' Clementine *

* You are lost And gone forever *

[INCREASING TEMPO] * Oh, my darlin' Clementine *

* Old Macdonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O *

[ALL GIGGLING]

Only two more songs.

* London bridge is falling down Falling down, falling down *

* London bridge is falling down My fair lady *

[ALL CACKLING]

[HISSING]

She can't take any more, captain.

* Round the bush The monkey chased the weasel *

* The monkey thought 'Twas all in fun... Pop-- *

Goes the weasel.

What do you think?

It's still workin'.

Let's go, sibs.

Hey, yous.

There's no Goodyear Doughnut.

Good for you, Ralph, but we're on.

Oh, no, you're not.

There's still one more person before you.

Who?

Lenny Neeboy, you're up.

Maestro?

* This old man *

* He played one *

* He played knick-knack On my thumb *

* With a knick-knack paddywhack Give your dog a bone *

* This old man Came rolling home *

Oh, I get it. It's a whole Star Trek gag thing.

Ah-ha-ha.

ALL: Iris out already, please?

[***]

PINKY: Gee, Brain,

what do you wanna do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world.

ALL: * They're Pinky and the Brain *

* Yes, Pinky and the Brain *

* One is a genius The other's insane *

* They're laboratory mice *

* Their genes Have been spliced *

* They're dinky They're Pinky and the Brain *

* Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain *

[***]

[***]

NARRATOR: As the Caped Opossum's

awesome vehicle, the Power Possum,

roars from our hero's latest crime-busting triumph,

the Caped Opossum puts pedal to the metal

and sweeps back to his top-secret Possum Lair.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Chalk up another Caped Opossum

law enforcement victory, Alphonse.

Exceptional, sir. Remote?

Thanks.

Let's see if I made the 11:00 news.

Narf, what spectacular adventure awaits the Caped Opossum,

in his next glorious issue?

Grow up, Pinky.

This Caped Opossum is a self-obsessed nocturnal loon

with a dreadful fashion sense.

Oh, that's not true, Brain.

He's a crime-fighting genius. Narf!

REPORTER [ON TV]: Tonight, the Caped Opossum's

calling card was found again

making a near-perfect record for the masked marsupial,

having captured every major criminal

except for archfiend Johnny Badnote.

[GASPS]

That cursed Johnny Badnote.

He's the only thing that stands between me

and true superhero fame.

[CRIES]

At this rate, there'll never be a movie about me.

There, there, sir.

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Well, I think so, Brain,

but I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish.

Pinky, you are a threat to tolerance.

I shall become a costumed, crime-fighting hero

and thwart Johnny Badnote, overshadowing the Caped Opossum.

[TUMBLER CLICKS]

Then I will use the superhero's fame and forum

to rule the world.

Egad, Brain! Brilliant!

Oh, wait, no.

A real hero needs more than a costume.

You mean a novel type of jet propulsion?

No, your own comic book.

Ta-da!

The Pink Wonder is ready for action.

Brain?

Call me by my new heroic identity:

the Cranial Crusader.

Narf!

When I apprehend archfiend Johnny Badnote,

I shall leave this, my heroic calling card.

The Cranial Crusader has arrived.

To the driver's seat, Pink Wonder.

PINKY: Zounds, you're a good driver, Brain.

BRAIN: I've watched a lot of Dukes of Hazzard.

The Cranial Crusader blasted off into the night.

Va-room!

Be quiet, Pink Wonder.

PINKY: I'm just working on your comic, Brain.

BRAIN: Shh! Johnny Badnote's hideout

is among those warehouses.

We must get closer.

Too bad we can't use the Power Possum's

prehensile tail hook to lower ourselves down.

Why, w-who says we can't?

Where's the button for that thing?

[BEEPS]

[BOTH SCREAM]

Fire reverse thrusters.

BRAIN: I said, reverse thrusters.

BRAIN: A little help?

Yoo-hoo, Pink Wonder?

Did you know this phone book

has three separate listings for nitro-burning funny cars?

Now, the question is,

which gadget shall I use

to ferret out that criminal's vile lair?

How about the legendary Power Sniffer, Cranial Crusader?

Uh, of course, Pink Wonder, the Power Sniffer.

Let's activate.

Right.

[***]

You seem to know much of the crime-fighter business, Pinky.

I learned everything from these comic books, Brain.

[GRUNTS]

My confidence in this mission is dwindling.

PINKY: Voil�, Brain, the Power Sniffer.

[SNIFFS]

[WHOOSHING]

[ENGINE REVS]

PINKY: Egad, it must really

smell something stinky.

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Mm, sorry, Cranial Crusader.

It's quite all right, Pink Wonder,

for in your perversely original way,

you've led us inside archfiend Johnny Badnote's criminal lair.

PINKY: How can you tell?

Now, to thwart the arch-twerp Johnny Badnote.

It should be child's play.

If that's not a song cue,

my name's not Johnny Badnote.

Miniature crime fighters?

I've gotta get out more.

Actually, we are two lab mice

dressed for a plan to take over the world.

[LAUGHS]

You're welcome to take over the world,

as soon as I blow it up.

* Oh, I'm Johnny Badnote Archfiend, felon, slime *

* The public didn't like My songs *

* And so I turned to crime *

When my metronome yanks out your firing pin,

my music box egg grenade will play lovely music

for a few precious seconds

before: kaboom!

It gives me your last downbeat.

You call that a diabolical plan?

Oh, there's more.

When I hear the downbeat,

I'll play my missile-launching pipe organ

and blow up the world.

Is that diabolical enough?

Yes.

Narf! My comic book.

[GRUNTS]

[BOTH GRUNT]

[ANGELIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Pinky, let's get out of here.

What's keeping that downbeat?

[TICKING]

[***]

REPORTER [ON TV]: In other news tonight,

archfiend Johnny Badnote was finally captured

by a masterful crime fighter and a great hero.

Here it comes, Pinky. Our validation.

The Caped Opossum.

What?

Authorities cite the Caped Opossum's calling card,

found at the scene of the blast.

This is the last time I'll let comic books

get in the way of intellect, Pinky.

We must forget tonight, and plan for tomorrow night.

What are we doing tomorrow night, Brain?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Oh, right, I remember.

Try to take over the world.

YAKKO, WAKKO & DOT: * They're dinky *

* They're Pinky and the Brain *

* Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain *

[***]

[***]

The situation in Tahiti is critical, P.

That's why I've sent for my best agent.

[DOOR OPENS]

Ah, here he is.

Mr. Hooper, this is Boo, James Boo.

Grade double-A 7.

Boo's an expert in counterintelligence.

Nobody does it better.

Mwah. Ah!

Yes, Hennypenny's right. He's a genius.

He's a chicken.

What? He's a chicken, P.

A giant chicken.

He'll never get through to Dr. Not.

Never say never again, Hooper.

I'm telling you, he's a blooming chicken.

I gotta go, P.

Uh, what?

Oh, you have to leave. Very well.

Don't worry about anything.

Boo's your man.

Boo, this is for your eyes only.

That's the infamous Dr. Not.

He's set up a missile launch in Tahiti.

Your mission is to go down there

and prevent him from destroying the world.

I want you to take this with you.

The boys in the lab tell me it's called a pen or something.

Be careful, it leaks.

[***]

First, we bomb all the major cities:

New York, Moscow, Pacoima.

Then the world!

[BOTH CACKLE]

[GASPS]

Look.

It's Boo, James Boo. Grade double-A 7.

Get him, Day Labor.

[BOTH SCREAM]

Now we've got him.

I'm through playing around, Boo, James Boo.

Sic him.

Heel.

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

[CLUCKS]

He's a chicken.

I told you that guy was a chicken.

Know how I like chicken?

Fried.

[CACKLES]

[CLUCKS]

[CLUCKS]

[CLUCKING]

HOOPER: I told you that guy was a chicken.

Sorry we fouled up, Hooper.

I had no idea Boo, James Boo, was a chicken.

Yes, the chicken who loved me.

[CLUCKS]

[***]

* You wear a disguise *

* To look like human guys *

* But you're not a man You're a chicken, Boo *

[***]

And remember,

Yakko spelled backwards is "okkay."