Original subtitles

[***]

ALL: * It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH: * Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

ALL: * Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain *

* Who want to rule The universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy *

* While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max *

* There's bologna In our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* Cockamamie *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

[***]

NARRATOR: The world at war. The year, 1942.

And as brave American and Allied soldiers

continue their relentless march towards victory

in Europe and the Pacific,

a different type of soldier maintains the home front,

working in factories, rationing important resources

and going that extra mile for Uncle Sam.

Stars of radio and the silver screen

pitched in by appearing in short,

patriotic training films.

Stars like Ronald Reagan, Jimmy Stewart,

and, yes, even the Warner brothers and their sister, Dot.

And now, for the first time since its 1942 debut

we present:

[***]

Here we have a typical American home,

manned by Yakko, Wakko and Dot,

three typical Americans.

[ALL GIBBER]

Oh, maybe not so typical.

With a wartime shortage of fresh produce,

many Americans are growing backyard Victory Gardens.

Hold it!

You poured all that precious water

into the ground?

[***]

Well, that's more like it.

What do you call your invention?

Oh, this is a Rube Goldberg device.

[PANTING]

And who's that?

Oh, he's Rube Goldberg.

Here at the recycling center

we find a group of generous citizens,

who've each brought something

to contribute to the wartime need for scrap metal.

Why, look, our patriotic three have gone the extra mile.

Tell us, where did you find so much scrap metal?

Oh, it was just lying around in the background.

[***]

Taxi. Taxi. Taxi.

Taxi. Taxi.

Hold it. Every ounce of gasoline needs to be saved.

Find some other way to get where you're headed.

[BELL RINGS]

Aah! Wah!

Aah!

Now, that's saving gas for Uncle Sam.

[HORN HONKS]

Aah!

[BARKING]

Say, what about the tire drive?

The rubber in tires can be recycled

to make many other needed things.

Wakko Warner uses canine instincts

to guide his tireless quest for rubber.

I'm very tired.

Think you've done all you can for the war effort?

Uncle Sam still needs scrap nylon to make mosquito nets,

binocular lenses and toothbrush bristles.

Where do we get nylon?

We know. We know.

[WOMEN CHATTERING]

[***]

Uncle Sam is grateful, girls.

And so are we.

Boys.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

But what's this?

J. Edgar Hoover has come to accept

the Warners' scrap nylon collection

on behalf of the U.S. government.

And G-man number one

gives them a little something in return.

[***]

Hey, lookit, our medal says, "Courage."

Ain't it the truth, ain't it the truth.

What about the USO?

That wonderful place where top Hollywood talent goes

to entertain our boys on leave?

[BAND PLAYING JAZZ]

ALL: * Over hill, over dale *

* Through the sleet And slush and hail *

* On the home front We're marching along *

* Give me junk * * Give me scrap *

ALL: * Or we'll sit Right in your lap *

* On the home front We're marching along *

* For it's stuff we need In this fight for victory *

* Uncle Sam sure needs it Are we wrong? *

CROWD: No, sir!

ALL: * With your help we'll see *

* A stunning victory *

* From the home front We're marching along *

[ALL CHEERING]

[TAP DANCING]

Hey, can't these guys play fast?

Aah!

[BOTH YELP]

Aaah!

[TAP DANCING]

Aah!

[YELLING]

[***]

[GLASS SHATTERING]

Mwah.

[SCREAMING]

Well, that was certainly one huge jitterbug.

No, this is.

[***]

[BUZZING]

[ALL SCREAM]

Come on, we're on duty.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

I love being air-raid wardens.

Turn off those lights!

[***]

[GRUNTS]

[CHEWING]

DOT: This time Wakko's definitely gone too far.

Well, buy bonds, everybody.

[***]

WARNERS: * Like Abbott and Costello *

* Like Sonny and Cher *

* Like Martin and Lewis They're a perfect pair *

* Like Laurel and Hardy Like Fontanne and Lunt *

* They're perfectly mismatched They're Rita and Runt *

[***]

[***]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[BUZZING]

There goes the train.

Wake up, Rita.

[RITA YAWNS]

Are we in Chicago?

No, it's-- It's Nebraska,

definitely Nebraska.

Or Kansas, definitely Ohio.

You blew it, Runt.

You're just cranky

'cause I woke you up from your nap.

I am not cranky.

You'll definitely like Nebraska, Rita.

We'll live on a farm.

Farm folk are friendly, definitely friendly.

What's so great about Chicago, anyway?

Are you serious?

* The Sears Tower The North Lake Shore *

* The Loop downtown Meatpackers galore *

* The Magnificent Mile And the elevated train *

* Deep-dish pizza And the stock exchange *

* But it ain't got What we got *

* Corn *

* Michigan Avenue Frank Lloyd Wright *

* Wrigley Field And dancing all night *

* Oprah Winfrey Lake Michigan *

* Muddy Waters blues And Michael Jordan *

* But it ain't got What we got *

* Corn *

* Just to be fair I wanna ask ya *

* What's so great About Nebraska? *

* It's the corn *

Definitely the corn.

[FLY BUZZING]

I gotta get the fly.

Whoa!

Hey, watch it.

Now I'm cranky.

[GROWLING]

The friendly farm folk Runt was yapping about.

[***]

[BARKING]

Oh, hello, friendly farm dog.

How you doing, buddy pal? Say, mind if sniff you?

Uh, no, thanks, that's okay. No sniffing.

Definitely no sniffing.

No problem.

[BARKING]

What you got up the tree, huh?

A cat.

Oh, a cat.

A cat? Where's a cat?

I'll mash him, I'll thrash him,

I'll squash him, I'll mush him.

[BARKING]

Where?

Up the tree, you kook.

Oh.

Say, mind if I sniff you now?

No, no sniffing, definitely no sniffing.

No problem, let's bark.

Okay.

[BOTH BARKING]

[TREMBLING]

Aah!

Knock it off, Runt.

That's not a cat, that's a Rita.

Rita's a dog.

You better check into a vet, buddy pal.

[MAN WHISTLES]

That's my master. I gotta go.

Say, you mind if--? No.

Rita, you need help?

No, no, no, I'm happy as a pig come to supper.

Okay, Rita, have fun.

I gotta get the fly.

Wait, I can't get down.

* I'm dizzy In a tizzy *

* I am acrophobic *

* Muddled, befuddled *

* I think I'm going to be sick *

* In a spin, so unlucky *

* I can't stand heights *

* Somebody look at me *

* I'm helpless As a kitten up a tree *

[BIRDS LAUGH]

* Giddy, tiddly *

* I'm hyperventilating *

* Whirling, twirling *

* This is humiliating *

* Reeling 'round I can't swallow *

* My mouth is dry *

Aagh!

* I hate this vertigo *

* Oh, how I wish I was in Chicago *

[BIRDS LAUGH]

Well, as long as I'm up here, let's do lunch.

Ooh!

Never mind.

[ALL LAUGHING]

ALL: * Fraidy cat, fraidy cat *

* Streak of jelly down Your belly, cowardly cat *

* How absurdie *

* Too scared To nab a birdie *

* Fraidy cat Fraidy cat *

[ALL LAUGH]

I'm not afraid.

I'm just a little cranky.

FEMALE CAT: Shoo, go on, git!

[CATERWAULS]

Howdy!

I'm Mabelloota Maribella Missy McCoy.

Shoot, call me Ma.

Am I glad to see you, Ma.

Can I hold on to your tail on the way down?

Down? I been stuck up here since '72.

Survived by chowing bark.

Eew.

Yep, might as well resign yourself, pepper pot.

Gonna spend the rest of your life up here.

[BARKING]

It's not so bad, really. Once you get used to it.

[***]

* Why not live up a tree? *

* To jump is too risky *

* Won't even try *

* Isthis my destiny? *

MA: Yep, you're stuck up here forever, honey.

No way.

What a pepper pot.

[GASPS]

[ROARING]

[MA YELLING]

Your little tune inspired me to jump, pepper pot.

Yee-haw!

[***]

Come on, Runt,

let's hit the road for a safer place: Chicago.

You know, I'm feeling lucky.

I wonder if--

What's with the cheeks, Runt?

FEMALE VOICE: Help me! Help me!

[GASPS]

Rita?

[BUZZING]

Rita sure could sure use a nap.

She's definitely, definitely a cranky dog.

[***]

[***]

[***]

Found it.

Found it.

Found what?

The final component.

The ultimate piece. The last thingy.

The last thingy for what?

My invention.

[***]

You are about to witness the Wakkogulafiedtransgobulator!

I made it myself.

Didn't I see this in a David Copperfield special?

[***]

[ON TAPE] Hello, this is Wakko Warner,

and I'd like to order a jumbo pizza with the works.

[BOTH GASP]

Pizza for Wakko?

Aah!

So far, so good.

[***]

Aah! It's one of those things.

[GRUNTING]

[BOTH YELL]

Aah! Ohh! Aah!

Oh, another day, another dollar.

[TIRES SQUEALING] [CRASH]

I'm all right, the air bag deployed.

[***]

[BELLOWING]

[COW BELLOWING]

What the?

Not yet, not yet.

[WORKERS SCREAM]

It's working. Stand back.

Uh, Wakko, what does all this do, exactly?

You're about to see.

[***]

This is it, this is it.

[SPLUTTERS]

[LAUGHS]

It works, it works.

You should see how he brushes his teeth.

ANNOUNCER: It's time for another "Good Idea, Bad Idea."

Good idea:

Visiting the circus.

Bad idea:

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Having the circus visit you.

[TRUMPETS]

The end.

[***]

[SNIFFS]

There's that smell again.

ALL: Eew!