Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: Andnow, Animator's Alley.

Your hosts: The Warner brothers.

Today, our guest is Cappy "Cap" Barnhouse,

a pioneer in animation. Welcome, Cappy.

It's a pleasure to join ya.

Why? Were we coming apart?

Say that again?

Never mind.

Cappy, you were with the Warner Bros. studio

from the very beginning, right?

Yeah, I started with Warners

back when all we made were pies.

We just started making cartoons

when people weren't buying the pies.

CAPPY: Now, let's see. Now, that was back in 19...

Oh, I don't know.

But it was back when we made pies.

Oh.

One day, the head guy,

his name was Leon something-or-other,

he says to me, he says,

"Cappy, today I don't want you to make a pie.

I want you to make a cartoon."

[SNORING] [YAWNING]

CAPPY: Well, Rudy Ising and Hugh Harman

and Friz and me and some other guy with a lisp

was brought onboard. [WARNERS SNORING]

And then we made our first cartoon,

which was, uh... Uh, Bosko and Honey.

Oh, we made a few of those and...

[MUMBLES]

[SNORES]

[ALL SNORING]

Pies! We made pies.

Uh, the cartoons came later.

And speaking of cartoons, let's get this show on the road.

[***]

ALL: * It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH: * Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

ALL: * Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain *

* Who want to rule The universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy *

* While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max *

* There's bologna In our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* How urbane-y *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

ANNOUNCER: We now return to Animator's Alley.

So, uh, then, in '43

we made Winky, the Finicky Tapeworm.

He lived inside a British buffalo, Sir Poopsalot.

CAPPY: Then we made a bunch of fish cartoons.

Fish are funny creatures.

[GASPS]

We did Timmy Tuna,

Shh! Barney Bass,

and Frieda the Overly Friendly Fluke.

But the fish lip is the hardest to draw.

[WHISPERS] I've seen people scream

when they see a poorly-drawn fish lip.

[WHISPERS] They think it's a monster.

But it's just a fish lip.

Lips are important.

You can't talk without lips.

Well, you could, but you'd sound like:

[BABBLES]

[***]

* The jungle was nice *

*But way behind the times*

* For two endangered hippos With hip and trendy minds *

* So they flew Their Ranch Roover *

* To the city's neon glow *

* Flavio and Marita The hip hippos *

[***]

WOMAN: Zoologist's log, day 92,

Gina Embryo speaking.

The great endangered Hippopotamus trendolius

remains free from danger thanks to my diligent efforts.

[GIBBERS]

[YAWNS]

I, my beautiful self, could play this course blindfolded.

Well, why not?

I must stay undercover

so as not to disturb these gentle creatures

in their unnatural habitat

no matter what the risk.

Fore.

Oh, hole in one again.

Yawn and sigh.

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING]

Nothing ever happens around here.

I'm permanently puckered.

[GRUNTS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

What's this? The female seems depressed.

This bestseller is boring.

Boring.

Boring, boring, boring.

Marita.

Flavio.

BOTH: I'm so bored!

Are we in a rut?

Is this all there is?

Rooftop golf?

Ranch Rover racing?

I have an idea.

Flavio, look.

"Thrill-Seeking Adventures for the Rich."

Mm, sounds delicious,

my small, crumbly crumb from a no-yeast cake.

Let's have a thrill-seeking adventure.

Here's one. They give it a Danger Rating of 2.

What is it?

Bungee jumping.

[GROANS]

Darling, am I all bungee- attached or bungeed-up

or whatever beautiful bungee-people call it?

Yes, my flyboy.

Must save my thick-skinned babies.

They could hurt themselves.

Let's fly.

May thrills await us.

I must protect the hippos.

[SCREAMS]

[WHINNIES]

[GASPS]

[YAWNS]

[SCREAMS]

[GASPS]

[GRUNTS]

MARITA: Well, that was boring.

I think we need more danger.

What else is in that catalog?

Here's a good one. Danger Rating 7.

"Running before the bulls in Spain."

Let's do it.Ol�.Zorro. Barcelona.

[***]

Must save hippos.

Now, they blow the whistle,

the bulls come down the street, and we run.

That's the danger part.

Run? No, Flavio, I do not run.

Very well, my well-worn, little, leather driving glove.

We shall stroll.

Zoologist's log, day 95, Gina Embryo speaking.

Unless I create some sort of diversion,

my hippos will be trampled by wild bulls.

[WHISTLES]

[ROARING, GRUNTING]

Ol�

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[SCREAMS]

Did you just feel something?

Rain?

[SNORTING]

[WHISTLE]

Huh?

[WHISTLES]

Yoo-hoo!

Over here!

[SCREAMS]

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

[LOWING]

[SCREAMS]

[GROWLING, SNORTING]

No!

Klaatu barada nikto.

Need...new...career.

I thought this was supposed to be dangerous.

[SCOFFS] Everything Hemingway did is overrated.

I guess we need to aim higher, mon chouchou.

Here's a good one.

Danger Rating 11.

Ooh.

Scuba dive with the great white sharks.

Look, pumpkin seed, the sea beast approaches.

Let us greet the local barbarian.

[GROWLS]

Zoologist's log, day 97.

My poor, defenseless babies face the ultimate predator.

I must save them.

BOTH: One, dos,trois.

Boring.

Overrated.

[SCREAMS]

[COUGHS, GASPS]

[SIGHS]

My hippos still safe.

[GROWLS]

Flav?

Yes, my special little molasses brownie?

I've learned something.

The most thrilling thing around...

Is our own beautiful selves.

BOTH: I'm so happy.

ANNOUNCER: We now return to Animator's Alley.

In 1954, I got a bunion.

CAPPY: So I figures, what if a bunion could talk?

That's when I come up with Bun Ion Boy.

Bun Ion Boy lived on a farmer's toe.

Uh, I think that was a mistake.

Farmers step in things that aren't decent.

Then in '57, I made Kiki the Sickly Lemur.

CAPPY: Would you like me to talk about it?

Well, all right.

Kiki had no torso.

ALL: We're free! Free! Free!

[***]

Well, so long, Mother.

So long, Father.

Oh, my little woodchuck going to Hollywood.

Are you sure you wanna do this, Baynarts?

Dad, I told you, it's not Baynarts.

It's Charlton. Charlton Woodchucks.

And yes, Father, I must do this.

For acting is my destiny.

Mourn not, my simple parents. Mourn not.

For, you see--

Ooh!

You really know how to wreck a dramatic moment.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if--?

[SNORING] No, that's wrong.

How about:

How...much wood...

could a woodchuck...chuck?

[GRUNTS]

Would you be quiet?

Excuse me, but I'm rehearsing.

I have a very important audition tomorrow

for the role of Franklin the Friendly Woodchuck.

I am an actor.

You? An actor? Ha! That's a good one.

[LAUGHS]

Would you write your name down?

Thank you. When I'm famous, I'll make it a point not to like you.

MR. JENKINS [LAUGHING]: Yeah, right. Whatever.

[***]

DIRECTOR: You three woodchucks, step forward.

Look at them. All day long, the same thing.

I want a woodchuck that's real. Real emotions.

These acting woodchucks make me sick.

All right, number one. Go ahead.

To be or not to be...

DIRECTOR: Next!

* One singular sensa-- *

DIRECTOR: Next!

[GASPS]

[NERVOUSLY] How mu--? Much--?

Much wood...?

That's it! Such reality.

That's my woodchuck!

[MOANS]

[***]

All right, Charlton, now, remember.

You just do whatever the narrator says. Ya got that?

Oh, yes. Uh-huh. Super, super. Very good.

All right, people. Let's do it!

MAN: Franklin the Friendly Woodchuck. Take one.

Ooh!

Ouch!

That hurt!

So sue me.

Would you write your name down?

Thank you. When I'm famous, I'll make it a point not to like you.

[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]

And cue narrator.

Well, Franklin the Friendly Woodchuck was a-rompin'

through the forest.

Now, woodchucks love to romp,

and Franklin was no exception.

Then Franklin saw somethin' he'd never seen.

A big, fuzzy grizzly bear.

Franklin decided to play with Mr. Bear.

[SNORING]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

But old Mr. Bear wouldn't play.

Now, even the dumbest coonhound

knows that bears and woodchucks are natural enemies.

Ooh!

[LAUGHING] Well,

looks like Franklin's learned a valuable lesson.

Why, lookie here.

It's Mr. Woodpecker.

"Maybe he'll be my friend," thought Franklin.

But Mr. Woodpecker was a mite angry

'cause Franklin had ruined his tree.

[CHUCKLING] Poor Franklin.

"Won't anyone be my friend?" he thought.

Well, just then, Mr. Boa Constrictor came a-wigglin' by.

"Maybe he'll be my friend."

Could we stop a minute?

Now, Franklin knew he wouldn't get eaten

'cause boas don't like the taste of woodchucks.

[SIGHS]

But still, they try.

Pwech!

Uh-oh, there's that bear again.

[HOLLOW TAPPING]

Lookie here. Cute, little, busy, buzzy bees.

"Maybe they'll be my friend," Franklin thought.

[GRUNTS]

But those old, buzzy bees didn't want to play.

Yeow!

Now, it's a well-known fact

that woodchucks are highly allergic to bee stings.

Well, bee sting or not,

Franklin decided to make the most of it

and get to rompin' again.

Oh!

Uh-oh, there's that bear again.

Oh!

Well, what's this?

An old ammunitions shack in the middle of the forest.

"I wonder what's in there," Franklin thought.

I really need to stop a minute.

Can we stop? Oh, please? Oh, please?

Now, a dangerous ammunitions shack

is no place for a woodchuck.

But Franklin went in anyway.

Careful, Franklin.

Uh-oh, there's that bear again.

[SNARLS]

Hold it right there.

[GROWLS]

Would you write your name down?

Thank you.

When I'm famous, I'll...

That's it. I quit.

[***]

Baynarts!

I thought you's a big movie star in Hollywood.

Well, we had creative differences.

Uh, what you got there?

Just some names.

YAKKO: Night, Wakko.

WAKKO: Good night, Dot.

DOT: Good night, Yakko.

YAKKO: Hey, I wonder what happened to Cappy.

[SNORING]

Pies! We made pies.

[SNORING]

[***]

ALL: Sit, Ubu, sit.