Original subtitles

[***]

ALL: * It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH: * Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

ALL: * Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain *

* Who want to rule The universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy *

* While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max *

* There's bologna In our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* Here's the show's name-y *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

The Warner brothers? What's to say?

Put your hand in a bowl of nuts, pull out three:

that's the Warner brothers and their sister, Dot.

Nuts. Crazy.

But these kids knew from comedy.

We were all in vaudeville together on the same bill.

Me, Jack Benny, George Burns, the Warners and Milton Berle.

Who, by the way, didn't like the kids too much.

Berle and Yakko were always going at it.

Yakko was always with the anvils on Berle's head.

We'd hear a noise, we'd look,

and there was Berle with an anvil on his head.

I think it made him funnier.

One time, Milton was on-stage and Yakko said:

"Come on, let's go watch his act."

So we all sat in the front row, and I look over

and Jack Benny and Wakko

are making gooky faces at Berle.

Then Dot and George Burns start making the gas noises

and the things,

and Berle didn't know what to do.

But the audience was howling, it was so funny.

And Yakko, with that razor wit.

Berle says, "What are you guys doing during my act?"

Yakko looks at him and says, "Helping."

That's comedy.

[***]

NARRATOR: 1930. Hollywood musicals take the world by storm.

That same year, the Warner brothers

make their very first all-musical sound cartoon.

[***]

[SIGHS]

[MAKING KISSING NOISES]

ALL: Shh!

FIRST ROW: Ooh! Ooh! Ee! Ah! Oh! Ooh! Oh! Ee!

Oh! Ah! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Ah! Oh! Ah!

Ooh! Ooh! Ee! Ah! Ooh! Oh! Oh!

[HUFFING, THEN GROWLING]

[GROWLING]

[PROJECTOR CLICKING]

[YELLS]

[CLAMORING]

[YELLING]

[ALL GRUMBLING]

[YELLS]

Oh, Dot was precious.

She was a real doll.

And Wakko, the things that would come out of his mouth.

Lizards and cars and tents and anvils.

I've never seen an audience laugh so hard.

[LAUGHING]

We were all in the Ziegfeld Follies together.

It's common knowledge Milton Berle

and Yakko didn't get along.

MAN: Yes, we already talked about that with Sy Sykman.

I won't go into that then.

Anyway, after a show at the Follies

we would paint the town red.

Really.

Wakko would have a paint can and paint everything red.

He was so cute.

At that time, Dot and Fannie Brice

were good, good pals.

They'd go around calling everyone "kid."

We'd go to the Algonquin after a show,

everybody was there.

I remember one night, Wakko lost his lunch

in Robert Benchley's hat.

Anything for a laugh with that kid.

Did I mention that Milton Berle didn't get along with Yakko?

MAN: Yes.

I won't go into it then.

[***]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[GASPS, THEN SCREAMS]

Earth woman, I will eat your brains.

WOMAN: No. Anything but my brains.

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

[GULPS]

I have to potty. What?

I have to potty. What?

I have to potty!

ALL: Shh!

[SCREAMS]

I'll be right back.

Let me know if he eats her brains.

WAKKO: Potty emergency. Potty emergency.

Excuse me.

Go around the other way.

I have to potty!

Thank you.

Ohhh.

[GASPS]

Out of order?

WOMAN: Who are you? Get out!

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[WOMEN SHOUTING]

Potty, potty, potty.

[GRUNTING]

[HORN HONKS]

[BELL RINGS]

Yeah?

Can I use your bathroom?

Bathroom's for paying customers only.

You gotta buy something first.

But I don't have any money.

Then you can't use the bathroom!

But it's a potty emergency.

Am-scray.

Maybe later.

Potty, potty, potty.

Can I use your potty? MAN 1: No!

Potty emergency. Potty emergency.

Can I--? WOMAN 1: Go away!

May I--? WOMAN 2: No!

Can I--? MAN 2: No!

Do you mind--? WOMAN 3: Out!

Ooh, I have to potty.

Try not to think about it, Wakko.

Just don't think about it.

[***]

[GROANS]

A gas station.

[GRUNTING]

MAN: You need the key.

[CHUCKLES]

Potty, potty, potty, potty, potty, potty, potty, potty.

MAN: Careful, I haven't cleaned it in a year.

[LAUGHING]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

I can't potty in there.

It's disgusting.

[GROANING]

I know I've got a potty in here someplace.

[GRUNTING]

[HORSE WHINNIES]

Where are you, potty? Here, potty.

A potty.

Huh?

No.

[GASPS]

[***]

[PANTING]

[APPLAUSE]

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]

[ALL GASP]

[***]

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

[BOTH GASP]

Oh, no.

[BOTH SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

[***]

I'm gonna explode!

[SCREAMING]

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

Excuse me. Potty emergency!

Get out of our movie. You're ruining everything.

[SIGHS WITH RELIEF]

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Thank you.

Ew, disgusting.

He didn't even wash his hands.

Milton Berle didn't like Yakko.

MAN: Yes, we've talked about that already.

Oh, well, enough said then.

The Warner brothers and their sister Dot,

they were the biggest things to hit Hollywood.

Bigger than Jacob Puntridge, bigger than Sally Saucy.

Big, big, big.

I remember they were discovered at Schwab's Pharmacy.

Wakko was eating a milk shake.

But I mean the whole thing.

The glass, the straw, everything.

One of the scouts for Warner Brothers was there

and before you could say "Sal Mineo,"

they got a big contract.

Bigger than Berle ever got.

He didn't like them.

MAN: Yes, we've heard.

Anyway, these kids made a few cartoons,

but the studio didn't know what to do with 'em.

Crazy they were. They made absolutely no sense.

And then when they pantsed Jimmy Cagney,

somethin' had to be done.

Like chickens with their heads cut off.

Funny chickens,

but too much for the studio.

They locked them up in that tower.

I hadn't heard about them in years.

But now, what?

They're out of the tower, I hear.

I hope Berle doesn't know. He doesn't like them.

[***]

NARRATOR: Camelot, the most celebrated kingdom

in the history of Britain.

A kingdom of peace, prosperity and singing.

[PLAYS NOTE ON HARMONICA]

* A happy place is Camelot *

* We like to sing all day *

* But we can't sing The movie score *

* Or else they'll make us pay *

And in this castle lives King Arthur

and his Knights of the Round Table.

[SLURPING AND CHEWING]

Oh, good knight, please pass the ketchup!

[CHUCKLES]

But one day, a great evil came upon the land.

ALL [IN UNISON]: Evil. Evil.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[ROARS]

Fear not.

We shall calm the beast by singing.

[PLAYS NOTE ON HARMONICA]

* Camelot *

King Arthur sent all his knights

to slay the dragon.

[ALL SINGING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

My bravest knights...

burnt to a crisp!

Merlin! Merlin!

It's magic.

Oh, great Merlin,

use your powers to conjure up a brave and powerful knight

to slay the dragon.

Eye of newt, an ounce of Sprite Send to us a great big knight

It's magic.

Honey, we're home.

Did you call for the bravest, most daring knight

in all the land?

Oh, yes.

Well, too bad, you got us.

What a silly mix-up.

It's all right? It's okay.

KING ARTHUR: Please,

I beseech you, slay the dragon!

I am but a coward, I'm afraid.

Well, you're pretty brave to wear those tights.

MAN: Dragon! Dragon! Dragon! Dragon...

Would someone stop that man from yelling "dragon"?

MAN: Dragon! Dragon! Dra--

Thank you.

[SCREAMS]

Please, you must help me!

All right, but if you kiss me, you're slaying your own dragon.

Oh, thank you.

[SOBBING]

Maybe we should slay him.

YAKKO: Come. To the war room.

Where is the war room?

Actually, we don't have a war room.

You do now.

Through this door are the greatest minds

of dragon-slaying.

By the way, you have a run in your tights. Where?

ALL: * Monkeys always look *

* Monkeys always look * [GRUMBLES]

[GASPS]

The dragon has to be stopped. We must attack.

And now, Dr. Yamamoto will speak. You may begin.

This dragon is of great scientific value.

It must be studied.

And now, Perry Mason.

I fear for all humanity.

On second thought, ah, forget the war room.

YAKKO: Well, looks like it's just us against the dragon.

Head-to-head. Toe-to-toe.

* Grab your partner, do-si-do *

* Bow to your partners Left and right *

* Now grab his arms And fling him out of sight *

* Now promenade *

[GRUMBLING]

Enough! What about the dragon?

The dragon! The dragon!

Would someone stop him from yelling "dragon"?

The dragon! The dragon! The dragon!

Come, siblings, we have a...

you-know-what to slay.

[***]

YAKKO: Comedy. Dragon comedy.

The best dragon comedians at all of Camelot, right here.

Free peasant with every drink. Oh, yes, right this way, sir.

Hm?

DOT: And now, dragons and dragettes,

the Camelot Comedy Cabaret presents

the funniest dragon in all of Camelot:

Henny Dragon.

Ah-ha-ha. Thank you. Thank you.

You're too kind.

Hey, how 'bout that lady in the lake?

I mean, how long can she hold her breath?

[PLAYS DRUM ROLL]

[CHUCKLES]

Candy? Gum? Dynamite?

On the house, sugar.

God bless you.

Don't mention it.

YAKKO: And, hey, how 'bout that King Arthur, huh?

You know, I'll never forget the first time we met,

but I'm trying.

[PLAYS DRUM ROLL]

[LAUGHS]

I'm slaying him.

Hey, what's green and stands in the corner?

A naughty frog.

[LAUGHING]

No, really. You've been a great audience.

We're out of here.

Huh?

[LAUGHING]

"Naughty frog." Narf!

[LAUGHS]

Hysterical, Pinky.

[GRUNTS]

Mice? But why?

We were trying to destroy Camelot

in yet another attempt to take over the world.

Come, Pinky. Back to the drawing board.

"Stands in the corner. Naughty frog."

[LAUGHS]

ALL: * They're dinky, they're Pinky And the Brain *

* Brain, Brain, Brain-- *

You've saved Camelot.

I can't thank you enough!

Well, try anyway.

KING ARTHUR: I knight thee, Sir Yaksalot,

Sir Waksalot,

and Lady Dotsalot.

They have slayed the dragon.

CROWD: The dragon! The dragon! The dragon!

Would someone stop these people from yelling "dragon"?

CROWD: The dra--

ALL: Thank you.

[***]

ALL: Goodbye, nurse.