Original subtitles

DATELINE HOLLYWOOD, 1930,

THE WARNER BROS. STUDIO.

HERE AT THE STUDIO'S NEW ANIMATION DEPARTMENT,

ARTISTS TOIL ENDLESSLY TO CREATE CARTOON STARS,

ULTIMATELY CREATING THREE NEW CHARACTERS--

THE WARNER BROS. AND THEIR SISTER DOT.

HELLO, NURSE!

UNFORTUNATELY THE WARNER KIDS

WERE TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

BOINGY BOINGY BOINGY BOINGY!

THE TRIO RAN AMUCK THROUGHOUT THE STUDIO...

UNTIL THEIR CAPTURE.

THE WARNERS' FILMS,

WHICH MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE,

WERE LOCKED IN THE STUDIO VAULT,

NEVER TO BE RELEASED.

AS FOR THE WARNERS THEMSELVES,

THEY WERE LOCKED IN THE STUDIO WATER TOWER,

ALSO NEVER TO BE RELEASED.

PUBLICLY THE STUDIO HAS DISAVOWED ANY KNOWLEDGE

OF THE WARNERS' EXISTENCE TO THIS VERY DAY,

WHEN THE WARNERS ESCAPED.

* IT'S TIME FOR ANIMANIACS *

* AND WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* SO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX *

* YOU'LL LAUGH TILL YOU COLLAPSE *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* COME JOIN THE WARNER BROTHERS *

* AND THE WARNER SISTER DOT *

* JUST FOR FUN WE RUN AROUND *

* THE WARNER MOVIE LOT

* THEY LOCK US IN THE TOWER *

* WHENEVER WE GET CAUGHT

* BUT WE BREAK LOOSE AND THEN VAMOOSE *

* AND NOW YOU KNOW THE PLOT *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* DOT IS CUTE

* AND YAKKO YAKS

* WAKKO PACKS AWAY THE SNACKS *

* WHILE BILL CLINTON PLAYS THE SAX *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* MEET PINKY AND THE BRAIN

* WHO WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE *

* GOODFEATHERS FLOCK TOGETHER *

* SLAPPY WHACKS 'EM WITH HER PURSE *

* BUTTONS CHASES MINDY

* WHILE RITA SINGS A VERSE

* THE WRITERS FLIPPED, WE HAVE NO SCRIPT *

* WHY BOTHER TO REHEARSE?

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* WE HAVE PAY-OR-PLAY CONTRACTS *

* WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* THERE'S BALONEY IN OUR SLACKS *

* WE'RE ANIMANEE *

* TOTALLY INSANE-Y

* HERE'S THE SHOW'S NAMEY *

* ANIMANIACS

* THOSE ARE THE FACTS *

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

IN THE BEGINNING,

GOD CREATED THE HEAVENS AND EARTH.

AND THE LORD CREATED THE GARDEN OF EDEN.

AND THERE HE PUT ADAM...

AND EVE.

AND THE LORD SAID...

EAT, EAT, EAT ALL THE FRUIT IN THIS GARDEN,

BUT...

BUT? BUT?

DON'T EAT THE APPLES,

FOR THEY GROW FROM THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE,

AND THOU SHALT NOT EAT THEM.

NOW, IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN

THERE LIVED A WILY OLD SERPENT.

HE WAS A SNAKE, ALL RIGHT, PURE AND EVIL.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE A BAD THING.

AND THIS SNEAKY SERPENT TOOK IT UPON HIMSELF

TO TEMPT ADAM AND EVE

INTO EATING THE FORBIDDEN APPLE.

SO FOR EXTRA INSURANCE,

MR. BIG PUT ME IN CHARGE OF GUARDING THE APPLES.

SO STAY TUNED

FOR THE GARDEN OF EDEN'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS.

THIS'LL BE A BLAST.

[DOOR SLAMS]

THIS WILL BE AS EASY AS TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY.

[SLAPPY] I DON'T THINK SO, PAL.

A VERY BITTER, MEAN BABY.

[CRASH]

AW, THAT SNAKE DOESN'T HAVE A LEG TO STAND ON.

HEY, IT'S THE DAWN OF TIME.

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT-- NEW JOKES?

I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY.

FORE!

EAT YOUR HEART OUT, FUZZY ZOELLER.

LOOK, DADDY, A SNAKE.

SNAKIE GO DOWN THE HOLE.

YOU REMIND ME OF A VERY YOUNG SCRAPPY DO.

AT LAST, DIVINE INSPIRATION.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

THE BACK DOOR.

GEE, I WONDER WHO THAT MIGHT BE.

THIS IS SAD.

I CAME TO SAY I'M SORRY.

I WANT TO MAKE UP.

WHATEVER.

[KNOCK KNOCK]

SHOOT ME.

PARDON. THERE SEEMS TO BE SOMEONE AT MY FRONT DOOR.

[KNOCK KNOCK]

I'M COMING. I'M COMING.

OH, THANKS THERE.

JUST THE MAILMAN.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO.

HEY, MR. SNAKE, IT'S FOR YOU.

OH, GOLLY, GOSH!

WHO KNEW I WAS AT THIS ADDRESS?

HELLO.

PTOO!

COLONEL MUSTARD DID IT IN THE KITCHEN.

OR WAS IT MISS SCARLET?

I BET THAT HAD TO STING.

[BOOM]

BYE-BYE.

OH!

LOOK, ADAM, AN APPLE!

YECCHH! A WORM!

OW! OOH!

HEY, WAIT A SECOND.

HUZZAH, I'M SPARED, SAVED, SAFE!

THAT SILLY OLD SQUIRREL ISN'T SQUADOO.

[BOOM]

NOW THAT'S COMEDY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'VE BEEN BUMPED

FROM FIRST CLASS TO COACH?

I'M IVAN BLOSKI, KING OF ACCOUNTING,

SULTAN OF FINANCE,

CROWN PRINCE OF LONG COLUMNS WITH TINY NUMBERS!

SORRY. IT WAS A COMPUTER ERROR.

WE'LL REFUND YOU THE DIFFERENCE.

I'M GOING TO BUY THIS AIRLINE

JUST SO I CAN FIRE YOU,

YOU...PAIR OF EYES, YOU!

QUIT FAKING IT AND GET A JOB!

GANGWAY, YOU LOSERS!

AAH! OOF! AAH!

AAH!

STEWARDESS, I'M IVAN BLOSKI,

AND I DEMAND PRIVACY.

HAVE EVERYONE IN COACH THROWN OFF THIS PLANE.

OH, BUT, SIR, WE CAN'T DO THAT.

THEN ESCORT ME TO MY SEAT AT ONCE.

OUT OF MY WAY!

STEP ASIDE!

GET A LIFE, YOU LOSERS!

AAH!

I'LL NEED A PILLOW, A BLANKET,

AND 15 BAGS OF HONEY-ROASTED PEANUTS.

PRONTO!

AHH.

NOW FOR A RELAXING FLIGHT.

BOINGY BOINGY BOINGY BOINGY!

[IMITATING AIRPLANE]

[IMITATING MACHINE GUN]

BOINGY BOINGY BOINGY BOINGY!

[IMITATING AIRPLANE]

HI, MISTER.

THIS IS OUR FIRST TRIP ON A PLANE.

WE'LL BE SEAT MATES

FOR THE NEXT 17 HOURS.

WANT SOME OF MY MAYONNAISE MUFFIN?

ECH! NO!

GO AWAY, YOU HORRIBLE CHILD.

HOW'S ABOUTS A KISS?

ECHH.

MOVE IT!

WHERE'D YOU LEARN TO FLY?

[HORNS HONKING]

WELCOME TO AIR PACIFIC, THE JOLLY AIRLINE.

OUR DELUXE 757 IS EQUIPPED

WITH A NUMBER OF SAFETY FEATURES TO USE

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY,

SUCH AS OUR FUEL TANKS EXPLODE

AND WE CRASH LIKE A FIERY BALL INTO THE SEA.

NEATO! COOL! FABOO!

PLEASE NOTE THE AIR DISCOMFORT BAGS

IN YOUR SEAT FRONT.

HEY, MISTER, WHAT'S THIS?

A VOMIT BAG.

OH, POO!

I GOT GYPPED.

THERE'S NONE IN HERE.

YOU'LL FIND LIFE JACKETS UNDER YOUR SEATS.

IN A WATER LANDING,

THEY'LL KEEP YOU AFLOAT

UNLESS YOU'RE SEIZED BY A GIANT SQUID

AND DRAGGED SCREAMING BENEATH THE WAVES.

THIS REALLY ISN'T MY COLOR.

I'M A WINTER. HEE HEE.

O.K., EVERYONE, LIFE JACKET TEST.

SHH!

SSHHHHHHH!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

YOU HAVE A SLOW LEAK?

[HORNS HONKING]

SHOULD CABIN PRESSURE SUDDENLY DROP

FROM A CARGO HATCH

BLOWING OUT INTO THIN AIR,

OXYGEN MASKS WILL DROP DOWN.

DON'T PLAY WITH MY MASK.

OH, YOU GOT DIBS?

NO PROBLEM. IT'S ALL YOURS.

AND PLEASE MAKE SURE

YOUR SEAT BELTS ARE SECURELY FASTENED.

THERE.

ALL READY FOR TAKEOFF.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING AIR PACIFIC.

YOU HAVE WELL OVER A 40% CHANCE

OF LANDING SAFELY.

ENJOY YOUR FLIGHT.

AND STOP MAKING THOSE STUPID FACES!

WHAT KIND OF FACES ARE WE SUPPOSED TO MAKE?

QUIET FACES.

JUST SIT THERE LIKE MUTE LITTLE CHILDREN.

HEY, MISTER, WHAT'S THIS?

THAT'S FOR EATING.

[GULP]

DELICIOUS!

[BURP]

ECCH.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

BLOSKI HERE.

I'VE GOT THE MOST DREAMY NEWS.

ROD JUST ASKED PATTI TO GO STEADY.

YAAAOWW!

THIS IS ABSURD!

YOU LITTLE GOONS HAVE BEEN BOTHERING ME

SINCE I SAT DOWN.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

NO. DO YOU KNOW ME?

NO.

WE'RE EVEN.

WE KNOW WE LIKE YOU.

WE HAVE NO TASTE,

BUT WE LIKE YOU.

ON BEHALF OF THE WARNER BROS...

AND THE WARNER SISTER...

I WANT TO MAKE YOU OUR SPECIAL FRIEND.

STEWARDESS!

GET OVER HERE NOW!

MAY I HELP YOU?

HELLO-O-O, NURSE! HELLO-O-O, NURSE!

WANT TO BE OUR BUNKY?

MEN!

GO FIG!

THESE CHILDREN ARE ANNOYING ME.

THROW THEM INTO YOUR AIRCRAFT'S JAIL.

ONLY IF SHE GOES, TOO.

OH, SIR, THERE'S NO JAIL ON THIS AIRCRAFT.

THEN BUILD ONE

OR MOVE ME AWAY FROM THESE MONSTERS IMMEDIATELY.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE OUR SPECIAL FRIEND?

NO!

NOW YOU'VE GONE AND HURT OUR FEELINGS.

AWOO!

AWOO! AWOO! AWOO!

AWOO! AWOO! AWOO!

AWOO! AWOO! AWOO!

AWOO! AWOO! AWOO!

I DEMAND ANOTHER SEAT!

OH, BUT, SIR, THERE AREN'T ANY.

WE'RE FULL.

THEN I'LL MAKE ONE.

AS FOR YOU THREE,

I WISH I DID YOUR TAXES.

I'D SCREW THEM UP SO BAD

THE IRS WOULD BURY YOU.

I'D RATHER BE EATEN BY CANNIBALS

THAN BE YOUR SPECIAL FRIEND.

NOW GOODBYE, YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE MORONS!

YOU'RE WANTED OUTSIDE.

OH, THANKS.

AHH.

RELAXATION AT LAST.

[SNIFFING]

HUH?

HOW'S IT GOING, BUCKAROO?

I'M GROVER BROKE FROM LYNX HEAD COUNTY, TENNESSEE,

FERTILIZER SALESMAN.

BLOSKI, ACCOUNTING.

WHAT A COINKYDINK.

YOU KNOW, FOLKS SAY THERE'S NO ACCOUNTIN' FOR ME.

HEE HEE!

YOU GET IT?

BOY, THAT'S A KICKER, AIN'T IT?

ANYWAYS, WAY I SEES IT,

A MAN NEEDS A PHILOSOPHY IN LIFE.

LOOK, I JUST WANT TO REST.

HERE'S MY PHILOSOPHY.

[RETCHING]

[SPITS]

THERE'S TWO KINDS OF FERTILIZER

IN THIS LIFE, FRIEND.

YOU GOT YOUR SOLID COW DUNG.

THEN THERE'S YOUR SLOPPY PIG DOO.

WITH YOUR COW DUNG--

PARDON ME, FATHER, BUT COULD WE CHANGE SEATS?

CERTAINLY, MY SON.

[BBBBBLLLB]

COFFEE, TEA, MONSTER?

COFFEE, TEA, MONSTER?

MONSTER?

COMING RIGHT UP.

GRRRR!

MAYBE SOME DECAF LATER.

YOU DON'T LOOK WELL, SIR.

IS THERE A DOCTOR ON THIS PLANE?

I'M A PARAMEDIC.

THIS MAN NEEDS NITROGEN.

YOU MEAN OXYGEN.

ALL RIGHT, HOW ABOUT JUST SOME HOT AIR?

GET ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!

IT'S A LONG FLY.

IT'S GOING.

OHH, TOO BAD!

IT HIT THE WALL.

HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW?

I'M IN BAD SHAPE.

WRONG.

THIS IS BAD SHAPE.

HMM, A FINE EXAMPLE

OF NEOCLASSICAL POSTMODERN EXPRESSIONISM

DEPICTING MAN VERSUS FATE.

2 OUT OF 3 FALLS. 10-ROUND LIMIT.

[KNOCK ON WINDOW]

[GASP]

NOW...

YOUR GOOSE FERTILIZER IS A WHOLE OTHER STORY.

WHOO, DOGGIES, THAT STUFF STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN.

CARE TO TAKE A WHIFF?

AAH!

I'M REPORTING YOU LUNATICS

TO THE HIGHEST AUTHORITY.

HELP!

I'M BEING HARASSED BY CHILDREN

THAT LOOK LIKE BUGS WITH CLOTHES.

I DEMAND YOU DO SOMETHING IMMEDIATELY!

WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

AHH.

BETTER CALL THE OFFICE

AND TELL THEM I'M STRANDED ON AN ISLAND.

I HOPE THIS DOESN'T COUNT AS A SICK DAY.

OOGA CHOKKA. OOGA CHOKKA. OOGA CHOKKA.

OOGA CHOKKA. OOGA CHOKKA. OOGA CHOKKA.

EEEEK!

FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS

DISAPPEAR OVER THE HORIZON ALONE.

WAIT!

STICK AROUND!

WE'RE GOING TO MAKE SLOPPY JOES

AND RENT DON KNOTTS VIDEOS.

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1993 WARNER BROS. ANIMATION, A DIVISION OF TIME-WARNER ENTERTAINMENT CO., L.P.

LOOK WHO'S STAYING WITH US.

PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

OUR SPECIAL FRIEND.

AAH!