Original subtitles

* IT'S TIME FOR ANIMANIACS *

* AND WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* SO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX *

* YOU'LL LAUGH TILL YOU COLLAPSE *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* COME JOIN THE WARNER BROTHERS *

* AND THE WARNER SISTER DOT *

* JUST FOR FUN WE RUN AROUND *

* THE WARNER MOVIE LOT

* THEY LOCK US IN THE TOWER *

* WHENEVER WE GET CAUGHT

* BUT WE BREAK LOOSE AND THEN VAMOOSE *

* AND NOW YOU KNOW THE PLOT *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* DOT IS CUTE

* AND YAKKO YAKS

* WAKKO PACKS AWAY THE SNACKS *

* WHILE BILL CLINTON PLAYS THE SAX *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* MEET PINKY AND THE BRAIN

* WHO WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE *

* GOODFEATHERS FLOCK TOGETHER *

* SLAPPY WHACKS 'EM WITH HER PURSE *

* BUTTONS CHASES MINDY

* WHILE RITA SINGS A VERSE

* THE WRITERS FLIPPED, WE HAVE NO SCRIPT *

* WHY BOTHER TO REHEARSE?

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* WE HAVE PAY-OR-PLAY CONTRACTS *

* WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* THERE'S BALONEY IN OUR SLACKS *

* WE'RE ANIMANEE *

* TOTALLY INSANE-Y

* EISENHOWER, MAMIE

* ANIMANIACS

* THOSE ARE THE FACTS *

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

[YAWNS]

IS IT HOT IN HERE?

I DEFINITELY FEEL WARM.

OH, MY GOSH, THERE'S A FIRE!

FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

AAH!

I'M ON FIRE!

PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!

PUT IT OUT!

WAIT A MINUTE. I AM A FIRE.

IMAGINE MY EMBARRASSMENT.

I WISH SOMEONE WOULD TELL ME THESE THINGS.

I'M ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW.

HEY, WHOA THERE, FELLA.

PUT ME DOWN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

OH, TAKING ME ON A LITTLE TOUR OF THE PLACE?

I CAN DEAL WITH THAT.

NICE PAD YOU HAVE HERE.

HEY, NOT SO FAST, PAL.

I'LL FALL OFF THIS THING.

SLOW DOWN. SLOW DOWN!

AAH! THAT'S BETTER.

NOW WHERE ARE WE GOING?

UP THERE? ARE YOU CRAZY?

IT'S DARK UP THERE.

COUNT ME OUT. I'M SCARED OF THE DARK.

IF YOU'RE GOING UP THERE, GO ALONE.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO GO.

TURN AROUND, WILL YOU?

GO BACK DOWN.

I DON'T WANT THE DARKNESS TO GET ME.

I'M SCARED OF THE DARK.

I'M SCARED--HUH?

WHO TURNED ON THE LIGHTS?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT. I DID.

WHERE DID THE DARKNESS GO?

OH, RAN DOWN THE STAIRS, HUH?

I SEE YOU HIDING DOWN THERE.

I GUESS I SHOWED YOU WHO'S BOSS.

NO STUPID OLD DARKNESS IS GOING TO SCARE ME.

YEAH, YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BIG CHICKEN.

OOH! OOH.

WHOA! CHECK OUT THIS PLACE.

VERY IMPRESSIVE.

SO WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

OH, YOU'RE A WRITER.

BURNING THE MIDNIGHT OIL, HUH?

NO PROBLEM. I'LL KEEP YOU COMPANY.

HA HA HA!

AHH, A COOL BREEZE.

NICE.

I WAS BORN TO DANCE.

GET DOWN.

WHOA!

IT'S A TORNADO!

BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES!

HOIST THE MIZZENMAST!

SHUT THE WINDOW! SHUT IT ALREADY!

WHEW!

WHOA!

MAYDAY! MAYDAY! WE'RE GOING DOWN!

HUH?

UH-OH!

HEY, YOU GUYS, ARE YOU CRAZY?

KNOCK IT OFF!

IT WASN'T MY FAULT, HONEST.

IT WAS MY EVIL COUSINS WHO DID IT.

BUT NEXT TIME, BE MORE CAREFUL, WILL YOU?

MY RELATIVES CAN'T BE TRUSTED.

AHH!

O.K. LET'S GET BACK TO WORK HERE.

YOU KEEP ON WRITING, AND I'LL KEEP THE DARKNESS AWAY.

[CLOCK CHIMES 1:00]

[CLOCK CHIMES 8:00]

[YAWNS]

AHH! FINISHED.

AT LAST. I KNEW HE COULD DO IT.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU WROTE.

"WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT,

"THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL

"AND THAT THEY ARE ENDOWED

"BY THEIR CREATOR

"WITH CERTAIN INALIENABLE RIGHTS...

"THAT AMONG THESE ARE LIFE, LIBERTY,

AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS."

NOT BAD, JEFFERSON.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO CALL THIS?

THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.

DRAFTED JULY 4, 1776.

GLAD I COULD SHED SOME LIGHT ON THE SITUATION.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT INDEPENDENCE THING.

[YAWNS]

AS FOR ME,

I'M GOING TO TAKE THE REST OF THE DAY OFF.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME.

WE COULD CALL IT A NATIONAL HOLIDAY.

I GUESS THEY TOOK MY ADVICE.

WELL, CLASS, ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR LESSONS?

YES, MISS FLAMEEL.

VERY WELL, THEN, LET'S BEGIN.

TODAY'S CATEGORIES ARE...

PLEASE REMEMBER, YOUR RESPONSES MUST BE

IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION.

YAKKO, YOU'RE REIGNING CHAMPION.

PLEASE SELECT.

I'LL TAKE TV MOVIES FOR 100.

[MISS FLAMEEL] WAKKO.

WHO IS VALERIE BERTINELLI?

THAT IS CORRECT. SELECT AGAIN.

O.K. I'LL TAKE THE UNITED STATES FOR 500.

WAKKO, YOU CAN WAGER ALL OR PART OF YOUR MONEY.

I'LL BLOW THE WAD.

"IN THE CATEGORY OF UNITED STATES, THE ANSWER IS..."

O.K.

HERE GOES.

* BATON ROUGE, LOUISIANA *

* INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA *

* AND COLUMBUS IS THE CAPITAL OF OHIO *

* THERE'S MONTGOMERY, ALABAMA *

* SOUTH OF HELENA, MONTANA *

* THEN THERE'S DENVER, COLORADO AND BOISE, IDAHO *

* TEXAS HAS AUSTIN, THEN WE GO NORTH *

* TO MASSACHUSETTS, BOSTON AND ALBANY, NEW YORK *

* TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA, AND WASHINGTON, D.C. *

* SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO, AND NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE *

ELVIS USED TO HANG OUT THERE A LOT, YOU KNOW.

* TRENTON'S IN NEW JERSEY NORTH OF JEFFERSON, MISSOURI *

* YOU GOT RICHMOND IN VIRGINIA *

* SOUTH DAKOTA HAS PIERRE *

* HARRISBURG'S IN PENNSYLVANIA *

* AND AUGUSTA'S UP IN MAINE *

* AND HERE IS PROVIDENCE, RHODE ISLAND *

* NEXT TO DOVER, DELAWARE

* CONCORD, NEW HAMPSHIRE, JUST A QUICK JAUNT *

* TO MONTPELIER, WHICH IS UP IN VERMONT *

* HARTFORD'S IN CONNECTICUT, SO PRETTY IN THE FALL *

* AND KANSAS HAS TOPEKA, MINNESOTA HAS ST. PAUL *

* JUNEAU'S IN ALASKA *

* AND THERE'S LINCOLN IN NEBRASKA *

* AND IT'S RALEIGH OUT IN NORTH CAROLINA AND THEN *

* THERE'S MADISON, WISCONSIN *

* AND OLYMPIA IN WASHINGTON *

* PHOENIX, ARIZONA

* AND LANSING, MICHIGAN *

* HERE'S HONOLULU *

* HAWAII'S A JOY *

* JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI AND SPRINGFIELD, ILLINOIS *

* SOUTH CAROLINA WITH COLUMBIA DOWN THE WAY *

* AND ANNAPOLIS IN MARYLAND ON CHESAPEAKE BAY *

THEY HAVE WONDERFUL CLAM CHOWDER.

* CHEYENNE IS IN WYOMING

* AND PERHAPS YOU MAKE YOUR HOME IN SALT LAKE CITY *

* OUT IN UTAH WHERE THE BUFFALO ROAM *

* ATLANTA'S DOWN IN GEORGIA *

* AND THERE'S BISMARCK, NORTH DAKOTA *

* AND YOU CAN LIVE IN FRANKFORT *

* IN YOUR OLD KENTUCKY HOME *

* SALEM IN OREGON

* FROM THERE WE JOIN LITTLE ROCK IN ARKANSAS *

* IOWA'S GOT DES MOINES *

* SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA

* OKLAHOMA AND ITS CITY

* CHARLESTON, WEST VIRGINIA, AND NEVADA, CARSON CITY *

* THAT'S ALL THE CAPITALS THERE ARE **

[BUZZER]

HUH?

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

YOU FAILED TO PUT YOUR RESPONSE

IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION.

* ORPHANED IN A SWAMP IN MISSISSIPPI *

* RAISED BY A CAJUN COUPLE IN A TEPEE *

* THE BIGGEST PAPOOSE THAT YOU EVER DID SEE *

* HE WAS FULL-GROWN WHEN HE WAS ONLY 3 *

* DAVY, DAVY OMELETTE

* MIGHTY LARGE FRONTIERSMAN **

OOH-WHEE, DAVY, WAGON TRAIN ATTACK.

UH, BEGGIN' YOUR PARDON, MA'AM, BUT WHAT HAPPENED?

A GRIZZLY BEAR DONE AMBUSHED US.

WELL, MA'AM, STOP ROCKIN' YOURSELF SILLY.

YOUR TROUBLES ARE OVER.

YOU SEE, THIS HERE'S DAVY, DAVY OMELETTE,

MIGHTY LARGE FRONTIERSMAN.

THAT'S A PECULIAR NAME.

IT'S CAJUN, NAMED AFTER A FRENCH EGG DISH.

I KNOW WHAT AN OMELETTE IS!

I'M TALKING ABOUT DAVY.

THAT'S SHORT FOR DAVIDSON.

Y'ALL CAN COME ON OUT!

DAVY OMELETTE'S HERE!

DAVY OMELETTE?

HE WRASTLED A 6-TON BULL MOOSE TO HIS KNEES

AND HUNG LONG JOHNS TO DRY ON ITS ANTLERS.

HE ROPED A RABID COYOTE WITH A BOLT OF LIGHTNING,

TAMED HIM, AND TAUGHT HIM TO EAT GRASS.

DAVY OMELETTE?

I HEARD TELL HE'S A CHICKEN.

THEM'S LIES YOU'RE TELLING, BOY.

BETTER STOP SPREADING TALL TALES.

GO BACK EAST!

HE'S A CHICKEN, I TELL YA!

A GIANT CHICKEN!

[GRRR]

[GRRR]

[GRRR]

AAH!

[WHIMPERING]

HOO! DID YOU SEE THAT?

DAVY OMELETTE GRINNED DOWN A BEAR.

YAHOO!

YIPPEE!

YEE-HAW!

YEE-HAW!

WOO HAH!

HA-HUH-HA!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

SOMEBODY JUST LAUGHED LIKE A CHICKEN.

WELL, I'LL BE A SWAY-BACKED MARSUPIAL.

HE IS A CHICKEN.

I TOLD YOU HE'S A CHICKEN.

HEY, BEAR, COME ON BACK FOR SUPPER!

WE'RE HAVING PIONEER CHICKEN!

[GRRR]

[BUCK]

[GRRR]

[BUCK-BUCK]

* YOU WEAR A DISGUISE TO LOOK LIKE HUMAN GUYS *

* BUT YOU'RE NOT A MAN *

* YOU'RE A CHICKEN BOO **

NOVEMBER, 1863,

AND THE UNION HAS BEEN RIPPED ASUNDER

BY TWO YEARS OF CIVIL WAR.

AS THE COUNTRY SEEKS TO HEAL ITS WOUNDS,

A TRAIN CARRYING ABRAHAM LINCOLN

WINDS ITS WAY NORTH

TO THE BATTLEFIELD AT GETTYSBURG.

ONCE THERE, THE PRESIDENT MUST MAKE

THE MOST IMPORTANT SPEECH OF HIS CAREER.

IF I CAN JUST COME UP WITH AN OPENING...

ASK NOT WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU...

NOPE. WE HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF.

NAH!

ICH BIN EIN GETTYSBURGER.

NO.

PEOPLE OF GETTYSBURG,

HI, I'M PRESIDENT LINCOLN.

SO HOW ABOUT THOSE YANKEES, HUH?

OH, THAT'S TERRIBLE.

OH, I GIVE UP.

I CAN'T EVEN WRITE A SIMPLE SPEECH.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

YES, WHAT IS IT?

WHOA!

* LINCOLN, LINCOLN, WE'VE BEEN THINKIN' *

* WOULD YOU, COULD YOU THINK OF INKIN'? *

* WE REQUEST ON OUR BEHALF *

* THAT YOU GIVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH **

WHO ARE YOU?

WE'RE THE WARNER BROS.

AND THE WARNER SISTER.

I'M THE CUTE ONE.

IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR YOU?

ABE--MIND ME CALLING YOU ABE?

NO.

TIMMY?

YES.

HOW ABOUT DIANE?

ABE WILL DO.

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT?

SIGN OUR PEOPLE WITH BEARDS AUTOGRAPH BOOK.

I SUPPOSE THERE'D BE NO HARM IN THAT.

NOW, WHERE SHOULD I SIGN?

RIGHT NEXT TO ATTILA THE HUN FOR CONTRAST.

THERE.

GEE, THANKS. MR. LINCOLN.

MY PLEASURE.

NOW, RUN ALONG, KIDS. I HAVE WORK TO DO.

YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD?

WHOA!

* HE'S BEEN WORKIN' ON THE RAILROAD *

* ALL THE LIVELONG DAY *

* HE'S BEEN WORKIN' ON THE RAILROAD *

* JUST TO PASS THE TIME AWAY **

HONESTLY, I NEED TO BE LEFT ALONE.

I HAVE TO COME UP WITH MY ADDRESS.

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE.

NOT MY STREET ADDRESS. MY ADDRESS--

MY SPEECH I'M SUPPOSED TO GIVE AT GETTYSBURG.

I CAN'T SEEM TO WRITE IT.

WHY SO TENSE? BETTER CUT DOWN ON CAFFEINE.

AND RELAX. WE'LL HELP YOU WRITE THE SPEECH.

IF I COULD JUST COME UP WITH A GREAT OPENING.

NO PROB.

WE KNOW SOME GRAND OPENINGS.

FRIENDS, ROMANS, GETTYSBURGERS...

LEND ME YOUR EARS.

NAH.

YOU'RE ENTERING ANOTHER DIMENSION...

A DIMENSION OF SIGHT AND OF SOUND.

THAT SIGN POST UP AHEAD-- GETTYSBURG.

I DON'T THINK SO.

THEN HOW ABOUT THIS OPENING?

* I'M LANKY *

* AND FRANKLY

* THIS WAR HAS GOT ME CRANKY *

* I'M PROUD TO BE A YANKEE *

* HOW YA' DOIN', GETTYSBURG? **

I'M AFRAID NOT.

IT'S NO USE.

AHH! I GIVE UP.

LIGHTEN UP. WHAT KIND OF TALK IS THAT

FROM A MAN WHO CHOPPED DOWN A CHERRY TREE...

NEVER TOLD A LIE...

AND THREW A DOLLAR ACROSS THE RIVER?

THAT'S GEORGE WASHINGTON, A GREAT PRESIDENT.

I'M AFRAID I'LL BE KNOWN FOR NOTHING.

NONSENSE. JUST STICK WITH US, PAL.

ONE DAY THEY'LL NAME A TUNNEL AFTER YOU...

PUT YOUR FACE ON A PENNY.

TAKE 40% OFF MATTRESSES ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

AS LONG AS THEY DON'T NAME

A SAVINGS AND LOAN AFTER ME.

YOU CAN'T GIVE UP WITHOUT A FIGHT.

WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU.

THIS SPEECH IS IMPORTANT.

YOU HAVE TO HEAL THIS COUNTRY

AND BRING IT TOGETHER BECAUSE--

YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE NOTES. I'M ON A ROLL.

BECAUSE FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO--

THAT'S 87 YEARS AGO FOR THOSE KEEPING SCORE--

OUR FATHERS BROUGHT FORTH ON THIS CONTINENT

A NEW NATION CONCEIVED IN LIBERTY

AND DEDICATED TO THE PROPOSITION

THAT ALL PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE A BALANCED DIET,

INCLUDING DING-DONGS, HO-HOS--

HO-HOS?

FEEL FREE TO CHANGE ANY OF THIS.

FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS AGO,

OUR FATHERS BROUGHT FORTH ON THIS CONTINENT

A NEW NATION CONCEIVED IN LIBERTY

AND DEDICATED TO THE PROPOSITION

THAT ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL.

NICE REWRITE.

WE RESOLVE THAT THIS NATION, UNDER GOD,

SHALL HAVE A NEW BIRTH OF FREEDOM

AND THAT GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLE,

BY THE PEOPLE,

FOR THE PEOPLE

SHALL NOT PERISH FROM THE EARTH.

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1993 WARNER BROS. ANIMATION, A DIVISION OF TIME-WARNER ENTERTAINMENT CO., L.P.

PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

CIAO, AMERICA!