Original subtitles

* IT'S TIME FOR ANIMANIACS *

* AND WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* SO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX *

* YOU'LL LAUGH TILL YOU COLLAPSE *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* COME JOIN THE WARNER BROTHERS *

* AND THE WARNER SISTER DOT *

* JUST FOR FUN WE RUN AROUND *

* THE WARNER MOVIE LOT

* THEY LOCK US IN THE TOWER *

* WHENEVER WE GET CAUGHT

* BUT WE BREAK LOOSE AND THEN VAMOOSE *

* AND NOW YOU KNOW THE PLOT *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* DOT IS CUTE

* AND YAKKO YAKS

* WAKKO PACKS AWAY THE SNACKS *

* WHILE BILL CLINTON PLAYS THE SAX *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* MEET PINKY AND THE BRAIN

* WHO WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE *

* GOODFEATHERS FLOCK TOGETHER *

* SLAPPY WHACKS 'EM WITH HER PURSE *

* BUTTONS CHASES MINDY

* WHILE RITA SINGS A VERSE

* THE WRITERS FLIPPED, WE HAVE NO SCRIPT *

* WHY BOTHER TO REHEARSE?

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* WE HAVE PAY-OR-PLAY CONTRACTS *

* WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* THERE'S BALONEY IN OUR SLACKS *

* WE'RE ANIMANEE *

* TOTALLY INSANE-Y

* HERE'S THE SHOW'S NAMEY *

* ANIMANIACS

* THOSE ARE THE FACTS *

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

UH, MAY I HELPS YOUS?

I'M HERE TO SEE THE CHAIRMAN.

I AM MISS FLAMEEL, THE NEW STUDIO TEACHER.

YOU MUST BE NEW, BECAUSE I AIN'T NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE.

AIN'T NEVER? THAT'S A DOUBLE NEGATIVE.

GRAMMAR, GRAMMAR, GRAMMAR,

I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE YOU AN "F."

BOY, MY FOLKS ARE GOING TO KILL ME.

MISS FLAMEEL, I'VE HIRED YOU

BECAUSE YOU'RE A FINE TEACHER,

BUT MOSTLY

BECAUSE YOU'RE A VERY STRICT DISCIPLINARIAN.

HOW KIND.

THE ASSIGNMENT I'M GIVING YOU WILL NOT BE EASY.

YOU SEE, THE WARNERS ARE NOT NORMAL CHILDREN.

I EXPECT--

I WILL NOT TOLERATE GUM CHEWING.

COME, COME. GIVE ME THE GUM.

CHEWING IS FOR COWS.

F.

I DON'T THINK YOU--

DON'T SLOUCH.

SIT UP STRAIGHT.

NOW, YOU WERE SAYING?

AND SPEAK UP. NO MUMBLING.

DO YOU MIND?

I AM NOT IN CLASS!

I HIRED YOU!

WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET?

IT'S YOUR JOB

TO GET THOSE WARNER BROTHERS UNDER CONTROL.

THEY'RE DIFFICULT.

SO AM I.

THERE HASN'T BEEN A CHILD YET

THAT I COULDN'T CONTROL

EXCEPT BUDDY HACKETT, BUT THAT'S GENETIC.

TELL ME,

WHEN CAN I MEET THEM?

I'LL, UH, HAVE RALPH BRING THEM BY.

DON'T KEEP ME WAITING.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

COME IN.

SCHOOL SUPPLIES?

UH, NO, MISS FLAMEEL.

THIS IS YOUR STUDENTS.

OPEN IT AFTER I LEAVE.

HERE.

* SCHOOL

* SCHOOL

* SCHOOL

* SCHOOL

* OUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

* WE'RE EAGER LITTLE LEARNERS *

* SO FILL OUR BRAINS WITH LOTSA FACTS OUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL *

* TEACH, TEACH, TEACH

* WE'RE READY FOR OUR LESSONS *

* SO TEACH US MATH, GEOMETRY *

* DON'T FORGET GEOGRAPHY *

* ENGLISH LIT AND CHEMISTRY *

* AND PLEASE THROW IN THE ABCS *

* OH, TEACHER, TEACH US NOW **

THIS IS A CLASSROOM, NOT A MUSIC HALL.

NOW FIND YOUR SEATS.

GOT MY SEAT.

HERE'S MINE.

IT'S EASY FINDING YOURS.

GO TO YOUR DESKS.

WE'LL BEGIN CLASS BY RECITING THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.

PLEASE REPEAT AFTER ME.

PLEASE REPEAT AFTER ME.

NO, NO.

WAIT UNTIL I START, THEN REPEAT AFTER ME.

NO, NO.

WAIT UNTIL I START, THEN REPEAT AFTER ME.

STOP THAT. I'M WARNING YOU.

STOP THAT. I'M WARNING YOU.

STOP IT! STOP IT!

STOP IT! STOP IT!

IF YOU DON'T STOP RIGHT NOW, I SHALL SCREAM.

IF YOU DON'T STOP RIGHT NOW, I SHALL SCREAM.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT.

WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL.

I'M WARNING YOU THAT I'LL TOLERATE NO FOOLISHNESS.

ARE WE CLEAR?

WE'RE OPAQUE.

NOW WE'RE CLEAR.

OHH.

LET US BEGIN.

DON'T YOU WANT OUR HOMEWORK?

HOW CAN YOU HAVE HOMEWORK?

EXTRA CREDIT.

LET ME SEE IT.

OUR DOG ATE IT.

DON'T LIE.

WE'RE NOT LYING. SEE?

GRR! GRR! GRR!

BAD DOG.

GIVE ME THAT.

GIVE IT NOW.

OH!

I'M WARNING YOU.

I'LL HAVE TO USE CORPORAL PUNISHMENT.

YOU MEAN HIM?

[LAUGHS COYLY]

LET'S BEGIN OUR LESSONS.

WE'LL START WITH MATH.

YAKKO, COUNT TO 100.

1, 2, SKIP A FEW, 99, 100.

NO...GIVE ME ALL THE NUMBERS.

IT'S ONLY A SIX-MINUTE CARTOON.

LET'S MOVE ON.

WAKKO, CAN YOU MULTIPLY?

HOW'S THIS?

NOT THAT SORT OF MULTI-- LET'S LEAVE MATH, SHALL WE?

WE'LL MOVE ON TO SCIENCE.

DOT, WHAT DO YOU KNOW

ABOUT SCIENTISTS OF THE 18TH CENTURY?

THEY'RE ALL DEAD.

NO, NO.

O.K., THEY'RE ALL LIVING.

NO, NO!

NOW WE'RE GETTING INTO PHILOSOPHY.

WE'RE NOT GETTING INTO PHI--

WE'LL MOVE ON TO GRAMMAR.

WAKKO, WHAT DOES THE WORD "PROCRASTINATION" MEAN?

I'LL TELL YOU TOMORROW.

YOU CHILDREN ARE MAKING THIS VERY DIFFICULT.

WELL, LEARNING ISN'T EASY.

LET'S MOVE ON TO SENTENCE STRUCTURE.

FIRST, VERBS.

YAKKO, CAN YOU CONJUGATE?

WHO ME? I'VE NEVER EVEN KISSED A GIRL.

NO, NO, NO. IT'S EASY.

I'LL CONJUGATE WITH YOU.

GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'LL SHOW YOU.

DON'T LOOK.

"THE DOG RAN IN THE RAIN."

"DOG" IS THE SUBJECT, AND "RAN" IS THE VERB.

NOW THE VERB...

THE VERB COULD BE CONJUGATED SO THE DOG...

I KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING.

I HAVE EYES IN BACK OF MY HEAD.

REALLY? SO DO WE.

IT'S TIME FOR A POP QUIZ.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

POP QUIZ.

I LIKE THE FIRST ONE.

* HE LIKES FRIZZY COLA, MAMA *

* YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

STOP THAT! STOP THAT! SIT AT YOUR DESKS THIS INSTANT.

OOH. WHAT ELSE IS IN THERE?

WHY YOU LITTLE..."F!"

HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

"F!"

WAAAAH!

"F!"

GRRR!

OH, NOW YOU'VE GONE AND HURT HIS FEELINGS.

I'D APOLOGIZE IF I WERE YOU.

I WILL NOT! YOU'RE HORRID, NAUGHTY CHILDREN.

GRRRRR!

UH, YOU DONES WITH THEM WARNER BROTHERS A-A-AND SISTER?

YES! TAKE THEM AWAY.

RECESS!

[MISS FLAMEEL] GET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!

I'LL GIVE YOU AN "F." DO YOU HEAR ME?

"F!" "F!"

"F!" "F!" "F!"

* THE CRANKIEST OF CREATURES *

* IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD *

* OUR NEXT CARTOON FEATURES SLAPPY THE SQUIRREL *

ENOUGH WITH THE SINGING ALREADY.

* THAT'S SLAPPY *

HELP, AUNT SLAPPY! I'M CAUGHT.

HELP!

SKIPPY, WHAT'RE YOU DOING

WRAPPED UP LIKE SOME CURSE OF THE MUMMY THERE?

WHEW! THANKS, AUNT SLAPPY.

I WANT TO LOOK PERFECT FOR YOUR AWARD BANQUET.

YOU'RE GETTING THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD!

THE PAPER CALLS YOU A "TOON GREAT."

A "FORMER TOON GREAT."

THE NERVE. I'M FUNNIER ASLEEP

THAN ALL THESE NEW CARTOON CHARACTERS THEY GOT TODAY.

NOW AND THEN AUNT SLAPPY'S JUST A LITTLE BITTER.

A LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR SLAPPY THE SLAP-HAPPY SQUIRREL?

WHY, I TAUGHT THAT NO-TALENT EVERYTHING SHE KNOWS!

THE INJUSTICE OF IT!

LOOK AT THAT PHOTO.

THAT'S FROM ONE OF YOUR CARTOONS--

HEIGH-HO, SLAPPY 1938, DIRECTED BY WEED MEMLO.

I HATED WEED.

OH, YEAH, THAT SQUIRREL GIRL.

ONCE I ALMOST BLEW HER UP

WITH A KEG OF GUNPOWDER.

YEAH, BUT SHE OUTFOXED ME.

SHE OUTFOXED ALL OF US

AND GETS A TROPHY FOR IT.

KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE SELF-PITY.

WE'RE CARTOON VILLAINS. WE NEVER GET THE AWARDS.

STUPID DENTURES.

BUT WHAT'S WORSE, WE NEVER ONCE GOT

TO CLOBBER SLAPPY SQUIRREL, UNTIL TONIGHT!

TONIGHT WE'LL GIVE HER OUR OWN SPECIAL AWARD--

"THE WHAMMY!"

DUH, OH, RIGHT!

[LAUGHING]

[COUGHING]

HI, MARY HARTLESS HERE AT THE HOTEL BOMBAVENTURE,

WHERE TONIGHT, THE FARM FRESH FRIARS CLUB IS HONORING

THAT OCTOGENARIAN ACTRESS EXTRAORDINAIRE,

SLAPPY THE SLAP-HAPPY SQUIRREL.

AND HERE COMES HER STRETCH LIMO NOW.

ANOTHER STRIKE, AUNT SLAPPY.

LOOK AT THIS, "THE BOWLING IN THE LIMO" GAG.

STRETCHING FOR THE COMEDY HERE, FOLKS.

[CHEERING]

[COUGHING]

THERE SHE IS, BEANIE. GO GET HER.

WHO?

THE SQUIRREL, YOU BLOOPY BISON.

DUH, OH, RIGHT.

MISS SQUIRREL, WOULD YOU PLEASE SIGN MY AUTOGRAPH BOOK?

PLEASE, LET ME POSTPONE THE REST OF MY LIFE

TO SIGN YOUR PATHETIC FAN-BOY BOOK.

AUNT SLAPPY, HE'S NO FAN. THAT'S YOUR ENEMY.

BEANIE, THE CEREBRALLY-CHALLENGED BISON.

I KNEW THAT DROOL LOOKED FAMILIAR.

MAC, YOUR PEN'S OUT OF INK.

DUH...

HEY, NO PROBLEM. I BROUGHT MY OWN.

THE PLEASURE'S BEEN ALL YOURS, I'M SURE.

GEE, THANKS!

BEANIE, WHAT HAPPENED?

MY PEN RAN OUT OF INK.

BUT SHE SIGNED MY AUTOGRAPH BOOK ANYWAY.

AND SHE GAVE ME THIS LOVELY SOUVENIR PEN.

BEANIE SCREWED UP AGAIN.

ARE WE SURPRISED?

NO. NO.

ALMOST FORGOT MY PEN.

YOU REMIND ME OF A VERY YOUNG BETTY BOOP.

DUH, OH.

LOUSY, BAHOOEY BANQUET CHICKEN TASTES LIKE RUBBER.

HOW'S YOURS, SKIPPY?

FUN!

WAITER, YOU GOT ANYTHING ON THE MENU

THAT'S NOT MANUFACTURED BY VOIT?

OOH! OOH! AAH!

NOT THE DYNAMITE-IN-THE-CAKE BIT AGAIN.

WHO'D SINK SO LOW?

LOOK, AUNT SLAPPY, IT'S YOUR FISHIEST FOE, SID THE SQUID.

SID, YOU'VE PULLED SOME PITIFUL STUNTS,

BUT THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SLAPPY?

DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I COULD FALL FOR SOMETHING SO OBVIOUS?

OF COURSE NOT. WHY NOT THINK UP SOMETHING ORIGINAL?

LIKE WHAT?

LET ME THINK. HOW ABOUT THIS?

FIRST, YOU GRAB THESE STICKS OF DYNAMITE,

THEN YOU GO SPINNING AROUND.

THEN WHAT?

YOU GO FASTER AND FASTER TILL YOU LIFT OFF,

AND YOU GO ZOOMING LIKE A FLYING SAUCER TILL--

NAH, COME TO THINK OF IT, THAT GAG'S BEEN DONE TO DEATH.

HEY, WAITER, I'LL HAVE THE FRIED CALAMARI.

I DESPISE YOU.

IT'S A BIT UNDERDONE. BUT THEY SAY SUSHI'S GOOD FOR YOU.

WHAT A YUTZ.

[APPLAUSE]

STUPID SQUID.

AS ALWAYS, IT'S UP TO ME.

LEAVE IT TO WALTER WOLF TO DO THE JOB.

FINE. GREAT. GOOD. FINE. O.K.

HEY!

SWELL. I'LL HANDLE IT, NO PROBLEMS. HEH HEH.

IT'S A HANDLED DEAL.

DON'T WORRY. IT'S FINISHED, KAPUTSKI.

AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

TO PRESENT TONIGHT'S AWARD TO SLAPPY SQUIRREL,

OUR MASTER OF CEREMONIES!

MY FRIENDS, SLAPPY SQUIRREL'S MADCAP CARTOONS

HAVE BEEN MAKING US LAUGH SINCE HOOVER WAS PRESIDENT

AND A THREE-STORY HOUSE SOLD FOR $9.

I'M GOING INTO A COMA.

TOO LATE. I'M COMATOSE.

AND SO ON BEHALF OF THE FARM FRESH FRIAR'S CLUB,

I PRESENT SLAPPY SQUIRREL WITH THE COVETED WHOLE FRIAR AWARD.

AUNT SLAPPY, THAT'S NO FRIAR.

THAT'S YOUR ARCHEST ENEMY OF ALL, WALTER WOLF.

THANK YOU, MR. EXPOSITION.

CONGRATULATIONS, SLAPPY SQUIRREL. YOU DESERVE THIS.

WITH ALL THE COMEDY I'VE DONE FOR YEARS,

WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT VILLAINS?

COME ON! BLOW UP!

WHAT IN BLAZES IS WRONG WITH THIS CONFOUNDED THING?

VILLAINS LIKE WALTER WOLF, SID THE SQUID, AND BEANIE THE BISON.

YOU BOYS DESERVE THIS AWARD MORE THAN I DO.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE ACADEMY.

THIS HAS TO BE THE HIGH POINT OF OUR CAREERS.

NOT QUITE, BUT YOU'RE GETTING THERE.

[APPLAUSE]

SLAPPY SQUIRREL, YOU'VE JUST WON THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?

I'M GOING TO...BED.

NOW, THAT'S COMEDY.

[ORCHESTRA TUNING UP]

AND NOW, PERFORMING ANOTHER CLASSICAL WORK,

THE GREAT WAKKOROTTI.

[APPLAUSE]

[PLAYING THE BLUE DANUBE WALTZ]

* BURP BURP

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* BURP BURP

* BURP BURP

* BURP BURP

* BURP BURP

* BUUURP!

* BURP BURP

* BUUURP!

* BURP BURP

* BURP BURP

* BUUURP

* BURP BURP

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'* BURP BURP

* BUUURP

* BURP BURP BURP

* BURP BURP BURP BURP BURP BURP BURP *

[APPLAUSE]

EXCUSE ME. OH, EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1993 WARNER BROS. ANIMATION,

A DIVISION OF TIME-WARNER ENTERTAINMENT CO., L.P.

PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

GOODBYE, NURSE!