Original subtitles

* IT'S TIME FOR ANIMANIACS *

* AND WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* SO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX *

* YOU'LL LAUGH TILL YOU COLLAPSE *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* COME JOIN THE WARNER BROTHERS *

* AND THE WARNER SISTER DOT *

* JUST FOR FUN WE RUN AROUND *

* THE WARNER MOVIE LOT

* THEY LOCK US IN THE TOWER *

* WHENEVER WE GET CAUGHT

* BUT WE BREAK LOOSE AND THEN VAMOOSE *

* AND NOW YOU KNOW THE PLOT *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* DOT IS CUTE

* AND YAKKO YAKS

* WAKKO PACKS AWAY THE SNACKS *

* WHILE BILL CLINTON PLAYS THE SAX *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* MEET PINKY AND THE BRAIN

* WHO WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE *

* GOODFEATHERS FLOCK TOGETHER *

* SLAPPY WHACKS 'EM WITH HER PURSE *

* BUTTONS CHASES MINDY

* WHILE RITA SINGS A VERSE

* THE WRITERS FLIPPED, WE HAVE NO SCRIPT *

* WHY BOTHER TO REHEARSE?

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* WE HAVE PAY-OR-PLAY CONTRACTS *

* WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* THERE'S BALONEY IN OUR SLACKS *

* WE'RE ANIMANEE *

* TOTALLY INSANE-Y

* COME BACK, SHANEY

* ANIMANIACS

* THOSE ARE THE FACTS *

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

* WE SURF THE SEA

* THE WARNERS WE THREE BE *

* TO CATCH A GAZE

* OF A BEACH TO GET SOME RAYS *

* WE'LL NEVER SINK *

* OUR BOARD'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK *

* IT'S GOT A TAIL, IN FACT, IT IS A WHALE **

SO LONG, PAL!

STAY OUT OF TROUBLE!

THANKS FOR THE RIDE!

WE'LL GO OUT FOR SUSHI!

* YES, BROTHERS WARNER WE *

* I'M THE WARNER SISTER *

* YOU'D LIKE HER IF YOU KISSED HER *

* WE SURFED THE SEVEN SEAS

* NOW IT'S TIME TO CATCH SOME ZS *

* HEY! *

COME, SIBLINGS.

HOW ABOUT RIGHT HERE?

IT'S SO CHEERY.

WAKKO?

[SNORING]

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

* I AM THE EVIL PIRATE CAPTAIN MEL *

* AND A REALLY EVIL PIRATE, TOO *

* YOU'RE VERY, VERY KIND, I'M AN EVIL MASTERMIND *

* AND I'LL DO CRUEL THINGS TO YOU *

* WE ARE VERY, VERY KIND, HE'S AN EVIL MASTERMIND *

* AND HE'LL DO CRUEL THINGS TO YOU *

* I'LL KICK YOU IN THE KNEE *

* POKE YOUR EYE SO YOU CAN'T SEE *

* AND HIT YOU WITH MY SWORD *

* THOUGH I BE A PIRATE SWINE *

* I HAVE TO DRAW THE LINE *

* SO I WILL NOT PUSH YOU OVERBOARD *

* WHAT, NEVER?

* NO, NEVER

* WHAT, NEVER?

* HARDLY EVER! *

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

THEY BE TRESPASSING ON ME PIRATE PROPERTY!

I'LL SHOW THEM, I WILL!

WHOA!

HEY!

OOH, IT'S OUR NEW BEST FRIEND.

WHO BE YE?

YE BE WE.

WE'RE THE WARNER BROTHERS.

AND THE WARNER SISTER.

YE BE TRESPASSERS ON ME PRIVATE PIRATE PROPERTY!

BET YOU CAN'T SAY THAT THREE TIMES FAST.

PIRATE PRENOTWE POPELY.

PI. PER.

YOU LOSE.

GRR!

THE PENALTY FOR TRESPASSING IS DEATH.

FABOO.

YOU CAN'T KILL US.

YOU HARDLY KNOW US.

SO...AHHHHH...

HOWS ABOUT A KISS?

SONG BREAK!

* GOSH, WE'RE SCARED, OH, GOSH, WE'RE FRIGHTENED *

* 'CAUSE OUR ITTY-BITTY NEW FRIEND HAS HIS TEENY-WEENY BRAIN *

* ALL SET ON BLOWING US TO BITS *

* OH, HOW HORRIBLE, DEPLORABLE *

* THIS REALLY IS

* THE PITS

* WE SHOULD RUN, AND WE SHOULD FLEE *

* THEN WHERE WOULD OUR STORY BE? *

* THIS COULD SPELL THE BITTER END *

* FOR ANIMATED KIDS LIKE THEM *

* FOR THE OLDEST WARNER BROTHER *

* AND HIS PRETTY WARNER SISTER *

* AND THE OTHER WARNER BROTHER *

* THEIR SMALL LIVES I WILL SMOTHER *

* THEY SHOULD RUN, AND THEY SHOULD FLEE *

* THEN WHERE WOULD THEIR STORY BE? THIS-- **

BON VOYAGE-Y!

BYE-BYE!

COME BACK HERE, YOU PILES OF SLUGGISH SEA SLIME!

GRRR!

HA HA HA!

ARRGH.

AH!

AGH!

HEE HEE HEE!

PHEW!

ARR!

ARR-ARR-ARR! ARR-ARRR! ARR-ARR-ARR!

ARR! YARR ARR-RRROO ARRAA!

TOO BIG.

ARRR.

BETTER!

I'LL TEACH YOU THREE SCALAWAGS

TO MESS WITH THE LIKES OF ME!

CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON.

O.K.

HOW'S THIS?

AAH!

HOW DID YE DO THAT?

UH, YOU MEAN WITH THE BIG COMEDY CANNON?

YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

ARRR!

I'LL TAKE THAT AS A YES!

* I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A CARTOON INDIVIDUAL *

* MY ANIMATION'S COMICAL, UNUSUAL, AND WHIMSICAL *

* I'M QUITE ADEPT AT FUNNY GAGS *

* COMEDIC THEORY I HAVE READ *

* FROM WICKED PUNS AND STUPID JOKES *

* TO ANVILS THAT DROP ON YOUR HEAD *

* I'M VERY GOOD AT FANCY DANCES *

* I CAN EVEN PIROUETTE

* THEN SMACK THE VILLAIN WITH A FISH *

* I KNOW MY CARTOON ETIQUETTE *

* I CAN MAKE MY FACE ALL MEAN *

* AND REALLY GIVE YOU QUITE A FRIGHT *

* AND MAKE UP WITH FLOWERS MADE OF REAL EXPLODING DYNAMITE *

* WHEN IN A JAM, I JUST YELL, "STOP!" *

* AND VILLAINS IN THEIR TRACKS ARE FROZE *

* THEN I SNEAK UP AND UTTER, "START" *

* AND TAKE MY HANDS AND HONK THEIR NOSE *

* I AM QUITE PROUD TO BE

* IN SUCH A HIERARCHICAL PROGENY *

* FROM DAFFY DUCK AND TWEETY BIRD *

* TO BABS AND BUSTER BUNNY

* TO SUIT MY MOOD

* I CAN CALL FORTH A LOT OF DIFFERENT SCENERIES *

* LIKE OUTER SPACE AND DESERT SCAPES *

* AND HIMALAYAN EATERIES

* FROM THIS BAG HERE

* WHY, I CAN PULL MOST ANYTHING IMAGINABLE *

* LIKE OFFICE DESKS AND LAVA LIGHTS *

* AND BERT WHO IS A CANNIBAL *

[SLURP]

GRRR!

* YOU SEE, IN MATTERS COMICAL, UNUSUAL, AND WHIMSICAL *

* WE ARE THE VERY MODEL OF CARTOON INDIVIDUALS **

* THE CRANKIEST OF CREATURES *

* IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

* OUR NEXT CARTOON FEATURES SLAPPY THE SQUIRREL *

ENOUGH WITH THE SINGING ALREADY.

* THAT'S SLAPPY **

[HUMMING I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE RAILROAD]

WILD TAKE NUMBER 32.

HA HA!

REGULAR AS CLOCKWORK.

[BELCH]

WISH EVERYTHING WAS REGULAR AS CLOCKWORK.

[CRYING]

IF THERE'S ONE THING I HATE...

IT'S A CRY BABY.

NOW, THAT'S COM--

* TOTALLY AWESOME ACME SNAX *

* THEY ARE FUN AND ENERGY-PACKED *

* SUGAR-COATED SUGAR SACKS **

AHH, STUFF IT.

FLIPPING NETWORK CUTS OUT MY FAMOUS END LINE

FOR SOME RAZZ-A-FLAPPING CRUD-BALL COMMERCIAL HERE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

SOMEBODY GET ME A PEEN-BALL HAMMER.

WHO IS IT?

AUNT SLAPPY!

WHAT CAN I DO? HE'S MY NEPHEW.

HELLO, SKIPPY.

HI. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TV?

IT'S HAVING A BAD DAY.

PARDON ME, BUT YOU GOT A LITTLE EXCESS ENERGY THERE, SKIPPY.

MUST BE THESE TOTALLY AWESOME ACME SNAX.

WANT SOME?

NOW, THERE'S A COLOR FOUND IN NATURE.

NEAT, HUH?

BLECCHH.

EH, NO WONDER YOU LIKE THAT BONKERS SHOW.

THAT JUNK'S ROTTING OUT YOUR BRAIN.

WHATCHA LOOKING FOR?

I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SOME BRAIN FOOD.

THAT'S RIGHT, MY FAMOUS WALNUT FIG DOUGH SURPRISE.

WHAT'S THE SURPRISE?

I'M OUT OF WALNUTS.

COME ON. LET'S GO VISIT DOUG THE DOG.

WE'LL GET SOME WALNUTS OUT OF HIS OLD WALNUT TREE.

BUT HE HATES YOU, AUNT SLAPPY.

HE'S BEEN TRYING TO EAT YOU FOR YEARS!

THANK YOU, MR. EXPOSITION.

I DON'T KNOW, AUNT SLAPPY.

I THINK WE SHOULD JUST BUY WALNUTS AT THE STORE.

YEAH. WE'LL HAVE THEM IN HYSTERICS WITH THAT BIT.

SIX MINUTES IN A CHECKOUT LINE.

OOH, SOMEBODY STOP ME. I'M LAUGHING.

[SNARLING]

DOUG THE DOG IS MEAN!

LOOK, YOU'VE SEEN ALL MY OLD CARTOONS, RIGHT?

ABOUT A TRILLION TIMES!

I WRESTLED WITH WALT THE WOLF,

SID THE SQUID, AND BEANIE THE BRAIN-DEAD BISON.

THIS DOUG GUY IS NOTHING.

BUT THOSE WERE CARTOONS, AND THIS IS REAL LIFE!

DON'T TELL HIM. HE MIGHT CRACK.

LOOK, SKIPPY, I'VE SEEN AND DONE

EVERY TRICK IN THE BOOK.

HOLD IT THERE.

YOU'RE DOING THE OLD FROZEN-TAKE BIT,

WHICH MEANS THAT DOUG THE DOG...

WAS RIGHT BEHIND ME.

THAT WAS JUST LIKE IN PREHISTORIC SLAPPY.

THAT WAS CAVEGIRL SLAPPY,

1932, DIRECTED BY PIZ PEENERS,

AH, BUT LET'S NOT BE ANAL.

LET'S GET SOME WALNUTS.

[GROWL]

HOLD IT.

ENCHIRITOS! GET YOUR ENCHIRITOS HERE!

ENCHIRITO, MISTER?

I CAN TELL YOU'RE THE KIND OF GUY

THAT LIKES 'EM EXTRA HOT!

HERE YOU GO, AMIGO.

WHAT A SCHMUTZ.

HERE. PUT THEM UNDER YOUR PILLOW.

MAYBE YOU'LL GET SOME DIMES.

GREAT!

OOPS. SORRY.

ARTHRITIS. MY GRIP AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE.

[SNARLING]

YOU REMIND ME OF A VERY YOUNG SCOOBY DOO.

[CRASH]

OOH. THAT'S SAD.

HEH HEH HEH!

OH, GEE! IT'S A XYLOPHONE.

I WONDER WHO IT'S FROM.

"DEAR SLAPPY-- I'M SO SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING.

"LET'S BE PALS.

"THIS IS A SMALL TOKEN OF MY ESTEEM.

DOUG THE DOG."

I THINK I'LL PLAY THOSE ENDEARING YOUNG CHARMS.

NO! NOT THAT!

* *

OLD GAG, NEW TWIST.

HA HA HA!

REMEMBER, SKIPPY, NEVER LEAVE A MESS

WHEN YOU'RE VISITING SOMEONE ELSE'S HOME.

RIGHT.

HEH HEH HEH!

AH, HERE WE GO. THE LAST TWO NUTS.

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?

THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF WALNUTS.

I HEAR BUDDY HACKETT'S VERY GOOD IN THIS.

* THE WORLD IS A CAROUSEL OF WALNUTS *

* BEAUTIFUL, COLORFUL WALNUTS **

HEH HEH HEH!

NOW, AS WE ALL KNOW, WALNUTS GROW ON TREES.

AH, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH THIS THING?

CHEESY PIECE OF HOOEY MANURE.

EH. THAT'S EVEN WORSE.

THIS FRISKY LITTLE FELLA

MAKES HIS HOME IN THE HOLLOW OF AN OLD TREE.

A SQUIRREL LIKES TO HIDE HIS NUTS

IN MANY ODD PLACES

WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE ON THEM.

THANKS FOR THE WALNUTS.

* * * *

WHEW.

HEY, LIONEL HAMPTON,

THESE LAST TWO NUTS YOU GAVE ME ARE ROTTEN.

* * * *

THAT'S A CATCHY TUNE.

HEH HEH HEH!

EH, SOMEBODY STOP ME.

[SNIFF]

NOW, THIS IS BRAIN FOOD.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

SOMEBODY SHOOT ME.

AH, LOOK AT THIS.

HI, GRANDMA. HOW THE HECK ARE YA?

OH, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.

LET'S SEE HERE.

I'VE BONKED HIM, FLATTENED HIS HEAD, AND BLOWN HIM UP.

WHAT AM I FORGETTING?

I KNOW!

TOLD YOU MY WALNUT FIG DOUGH WAS BRAIN FOOD.

HEH HEH HEH!

NOW, THAT'S COMEDY!

[SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING]

* EVERYBODY LIVES ON A STREET *

* IN A CITY OR A VILLAGE *

* OR A TOWN, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH *

* AND THEY'RE ALL INSIDE A COUNTRY *

* WHICH IS PART OF A CONTINENT *

* THAT SITS UPON A PLANET KNOWN AS EARTH *

* AND THE EARTH IS A BALL

* FULL OF OCEANS AND SOME MOUNTAINS *

* WHICH IS OUT THERE SPINNING SILENTLY IN SPACE *

* AND LIVING ON THAT EARTH

* ARE THE PLANTS AND THE ANIMALS *

* AND ALSO THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE *

* IT'S A GREAT BIG UNIVERSE *

* AND WE'RE ALL REALLY PUNY *

* WE'RE JUST TINY, LITTLE SPECKS *

* ABOUT THE SIZE OF MICKEY ROONEY *

* IT'S BIG AND BLACK AND INKY *

* AND WE ARE SMALL AND DINKY *

* IT'S A BIG UNIVERSE *

* AND WE'RE NOT *

* AND WE'RE PART OF A VAST INTERPLANETARY SYSTEM *

* STRETCHING 700 BILLION MILES LONG *

* WITH NINE PLANETS AND A SUN *

* WE THINK THE EARTH'S THE ONLY ONE *

* THAT HAS LIFE ON IT

* ALTHOUGH WE COULD BE WRONG *

* ACROSS THE INTERSTELLAR VOIDS *

* ARE A BILLION ASTEROIDS

* INCLUDING METEORS AND HALLEY'S COMET, TOO *

* AND THERE'S OVER 50 MOONS *

* FLOATING OUT THERE LIKE BALLOONS *

* IN A PANORAMIC TRILLION-MILE VIEW *

* AND STILL IT'S ALL A SPECK *

* AMID A HUNDRED BILLION STARS *

* IN A GALAXY WE CALL THE MILKY WAY *

* IT'S 60,000 TRILLION MILES *

* FROM ONE END TO THE OTHER *

* AND STILL THAT'S JUST A FRACTION OF THE WAY *

* 'CAUSE THERE'S A HUNDRED BILLION GALAXIES *

* THAT STRETCH ACROSS THE SKY *

* FILLED WITH CONSTELLATIONS, PLANETS, MOONS, AND STARS *

* AND STILL THE UNIVERSE EXTENDS *

* TO A PLACE THAT NEVER ENDS *

* WHICH IS MAYBE JUST INSIDE A LITTLE JAR *

* IT'S A GREAT BIG UNIVERSE *

* AND WE'RE ALL REALLY PUNY *

* WE'RE JUST TINY, LITTLE SPECKS *

* ABOUT THE SIZE OF MICKEY ROONEY *

* THOUGH WE DON'T KNOW HOW IT GOT HERE *

* WE'RE AN IMPORTANT PART HERE *

* IT'S A BIG UNIVERSE *

* AND IT'S OURS **

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

* WE ARE THE VERY MODELS OF CARTOON INDIVIDUALS **

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1993 WARNER BROS. ANIMATION, A DIVISION OF TIME-WARNER ENTERTAINMENT CO., L.P.

PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE