Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

♪ If you can't make your mind up

♪ We'll never get started

(HORN HONKS)

♪ Broken hearted

♪ So if you really love me Say yes

♪ But If you don't, dear Confess

♪ And please don't tell me

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

♪ Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

Let's make this snappy, Mr. Bojangles.

♪ Perhaps ♪

BELLA: Oh, Maud!

MAUD: That's what we came all the way up here for?

Jesus, I hope they come in other colors.

BELLA: I don't know where to begin.

Ladies.

Penzance. Corquin.

Buttercup, Pumpkin. Lolly.

Arthur. This one has your eyes.

(EXCLAIMS)

Pick one. Go on.

Gorgeous, Pumpkin. Buttercup.

TEDDY: Just pick one. I don't want to know.

You selling these parrots?

They're not parrots. They're galahs.

Cacatua roseicapilla

Genuine Australian bush cockatoo.

You should let them loose. It's going to be Christmas.

You know, kid you're not making this any easier.

What you got there?

Mmm.

TEDDY: Did I care to mention that bird has a champion gene?

That is third generation Australian bush cockatoo.

I wouldn't lie to you, ladies.

I love these birds.

A thousand dollars. That's what we said.

A thousand dollars.

BELLA: Ah, right, then we can say $700.

A thousand's fine.

(SCREECHING)

Hey, Jerome.

Nice watch, hmm.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

How did you find me?

You see that watch? Is that attractive?

It's an attractive fucking watch.

That's an attractive fucking watch. What is that, gold plate?

It's 18 karat gold. Eighteen karat, all right.

Hey, you, skullbitch and co., all right.

Au revoir. See you fucking later.

Take your turkey with you. Sure.

It's been a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Bojangles.

Lady, that's $1000.

Merry Christmas! Maybe. She's gorgeous.

MAUD: I know, but I think it's going to clash with the Francis Bacon.

BELLA: No, honey...

All right.

Plan A, you punch my ticket,

you go Samoan on my ass and leave me in a pool of blood.

Plan B,

you take the day off, go back Mr. Gilbert, you say,

"Mr. Gilbert, Mr. Sullivan says

"'Oh, what a difference a day makes!'" Gives him 24 hours.

He's here tomorrow with your ten grand

in a fucking Surrey with a fringe on top.

I'm going to go with Pan C.

What's Plan C?

(TEDDY GRUNTING)

Give that guinea motherfucker a closed fucking casket!

Hold it!

Now, who the fuck are you?

That Is not a very bright way

to talk to a girl with a .45 in your face.

Oh, right.

(BOTH SNICKERING)

Where did you get that?

Now you put him down.

Do like I tell you.

Is this your whore?

I am not a whore.

She's an exotic dancer.

What Is that, huh? Is that like a stripper?

I am classically trained!

Cuff him.

You're kiddin' me, right? She's fucking kiddin' me, right?

Cuff him to the pipe there.

Oh, fuck, you piss me off!

Hey, hang on. Don't freak or nothing, all right?

Sylvia? Are you on drugs?

(GUN FIRES)

(EXCLAIMING IN PAIN)

Yeah. You fuck!

You shot him! You can't shoot these people!

This Is America, Teddy. I can shoot who the hell I like!

You fucked my shoe! You shot his fucking shoe!

These people are friends of mine!

I'm a fucking friend of his, all right?

(EXCLAIMS)

SYLVIA: I never really did like your friends. Shit!

Sylvia, this is totally unacceptable! SYLVIA: Bad move.

They're going to come after me! Shut up!

They're gonna blow my head off. Take a holiday. Don't be a prick all your life!

(LAUGHING)

(GUN FIRES)

(COCKATOOS SCREECHING)

Sylvia! Do you know who these people are?

Do you have any idea what they're going to do to me

when they find out about this?

Fuck you! Do you have any fucking idea?

Why are you screaming at me, you dumb asshole?

I'm doing this for you!

Now fuck your dumb-ass...

Shit!

Hey, where are you going?

Hey, where are you going? I could...

I could use a little help here.

Be realistic, Sylvia. What's in it for me?

See, you do it once, people expect you to do It all the time.

Teddy, where are you going?

Australia! I'm following my birds!

(GUN FIRES)

TEDDY: Jesus Christ! My birds!

(HORNS HONKING)

Son-of-a-bitch!

(COCKATOOS SCREECHING)

TEDDY: Stop!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

(WOMAN WHOOPS)

Stop!

Pumpkin!

♪ I was young and so in love

♪ I thought the gods had sent you from above

♪ You were cruel

♪ And so relentless

♪ You were my ruin You left me so defenseless

♪ Now I can't live without your love

♪ All the sweetness has turned to bile

♪ No, I can't live without your touch

♪ What's a fool to do

♪ Without you

♪ Welcome to your life

♪ To this psycho's paradise

♪ Where love is bruised And so unkind

♪ Don't let your heart control your mind

(MAN VOCALIZING)

♪ Welcome to your life

♪ Welcome to your life ♪

(ALL CHATTERING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(HORN HONKING)

Damn it!

(GRUNTS)

(THUDDING)

I'm sorry.

(JOEY WHIMPERING)

This is going to hurt me a hell of a lot more than It's going to hurt you.

(FLY BUZZING)

♪ What would you say

♪ If I left this town tomorrow?

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

♪ Guess I would But I know I'd miss the train

♪ I know I would

♪ I'll take a dog's life

♪ Just laying in the sun

(HORN HONKING)

♪ 'Cause I don't care for this one

♪ Chasing trains and planes and rain

♪ Where is my rain?

Good day.

Fill her up, mate? Sure.

To the brim?

(SIGHS)

You got a shower I could use?

Cost you 10 bucks.

That's criminal.

No, mate. That's the price

(LOUD TAPPING)

Hi.

Come on, you bugger!

Where are you, you cunt?

♪ Just laying in the sun

♪ I'll take a dog's life ♪

Nice watch.

I didn't see you there.

You want to toss me that towel?

Towel's extra.

I'll flip you for It.

Fuck me dead!

What?

You're a seppo. A what?

You're a bloody Yank!

A "seppo"?

Oh, out of sight!

(CLEARS THROAT)

You haven't been in Australia long, have you, you mongrel?

How did you guess?

That'll be young Lionel.

What are you doing there?

WALLY: Bloke could do with a lift.

TEDDY: You could ask.

I could break wind, but I won't.

♪ Everybody look what's going down

♪ Stop now What's that sound

Anyone else?

♪ Stop now What's that sound

♪ Everybody look what's going down

♪ Stop now What's that sound

♪ I am a time bomb

Do you want a bite?

♪ A ticking, ticking, ticking time bomb

It's a Cherry Ripe.

♪ I am a time bomb

♪ A ticking, ticking, ticking time bomb

It's good.

I wouldn't have anything to do with a person who didn't like a Cherry Ripe.

Have you ever had an Almond Joy?

I'm that way about an Almond Joy.

Finish It.

What's a seppo?

A septic tank.

Oh, a septic tank.

No, you drongo. A Yank.

What's your name?

Angie.

(BURPS)

♪ Stop now What's that sound

♪ Everybody look what's going on

♪ Stop now What's that sound ♪

Thanks, brother.

Did you lose your shoe?

No, brother, I found one.

Hey, Lionel. Watch out for the Big Red.

You wouldn't be able to spare me $20?

Twenty dollars? I'll pay you back.

I could do that. I could loan you $20.

But I'm not going to do that. And you want to know why?

Because you're going to owe me. You're going to be in my debt.

You're never going to see me again.

It's going to eat away at you. It's always going to be there.

So you mean, what's in it for you?

You'll thank me for this.

Give him 10.

Thanks, brother. I'll pay you back.

So, what's the Big Red?

Weird Abo shit.

♪ I've got you, babe

♪ I've got you, babe ♪

Fuck me dead, what's that when it's at home?

Stuff.

I know what my daddy would say. I can just hear him.

All we get in Woop Woop's that Rodgerson.

Who? Rodgerson.

You know, Rodgerson Hammerstein.

You know,

♪ I'm just a girl who can't say no

♪ I'm In a terrible fix

♪ Fix

BOTH: ♪ There is nothing like a dame

♪ Nothing in the world

♪ There is nothing you can name

♪ That is anything like a dame ♪

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Are you married?

No.

Pull over.

You like me, don't you?

Sure, I like you.

Say it.

I just said it.

No girlfriend?

No.

What happened?

Nothing's happened, that's what happened.

You wouldn't lie to me, would you, Teddy-boy?

Me? Lie?

You cross your heart? Hope to die.

Ripper!

♪ There is nothing like a dame

♪ Nothing in the world

♪ There Is nothing you can name

♪ That is anything like a dame

♪ Nothing else could be the same

♪ Nothing In the world

♪ As the soft and wavy frame

♪ Like the silhouette of a dame ♪

Sock it to me.

Sock it to you?

Root me stupid! Fuck me dry!

TEDDY: Root you stupid! Fuck you dry!

Give her the pork sword!

(COUGHS)

Oh, Angie.

(ANGIE GIGGLES)

Come on, seppo.

Sock it to me again.

Nobody says "sock it to me".

Nobody's said "sock it to me" since Sly and the Family Stone in 1972.

Come on, Teddy-boy.

Part my beef curtains.

(BOTH MOANING)

(ANGIE GIGGLING)

(ANGIE GRUNTING)

Don't stop.

Oh, Angie.

Don't you like me anymore?

Sure, I like you. Just give me a break.

♪ Don't stop don't, don't stop

♪ I'm just a girl who can't say no

♪ I'm In a terrible fix

ANGIE: I'm as happy as a pig In shit.

I've got my first boyfriend.

You never had a boyfriend before? No.

Never? You're the first.

I'm the first?

Yup, just quietly.

♪ I somehow sorta wanna kiss him back ♪

When you grow up in Woop Woop, it's against the rules.

There's only 50 people here and we're all family.

You should've told me? What's the difference?

You should've told me? What if I said? What if I told you?

Look, Teddy, I've never done this before. I'm a virgin.

What are you saying, you wouldn't have done it?

That's not the point? So what's the point?

The point is you should've told me.

No, the point is you poked me, mate.

You did me like a dinner.

You're going to dump me, aren't you?

I'm not going to dump you.

Why am I going to dump you?

You do it all the time. It's written all over your face.

Men have to be sick in the head to dump you.

Men spend their entire lives dreaming of a girl like you.

You can dump me when we get to the sea, but not before.

(VOICES ECHOING)

You promise me you're not going to dump me till I see the sea?

You've never seen the sea?

No. If you grow up in Woop Woop...

I'm not going to dump you, Angie. I wouldn't lie to you.

I'll show you the sea.

♪ Most people live on lonely islands

(ANGIE LAUGHING)

Oh, you make me that happy, Teddy. Honest.

I mean, shit I've never been this happy in my life.

Fuck me dead!

♪ If you try you'll find me

(WHOOPING)

♪ Where the sky meets the sea

♪ Here am I, your special island

♪ Come to me ♪

TEDDY: That's a lot of sea!

Teddy-boy, your luck's a-changing.

(EXCLAIMING)

I'd fuck the man in the moon for a Cherry Ripe.

You love me, don't you?

Sure I do!

Say it then.

Say what? Say you love me.

I just said it.

I love you!

I love you. I love you. I love you!

Do you mean it? Cross my heart.

Hope to die? Hope to die.

Happy ever after?

Happy ever after.

(SCREAMS)

(ANGIE LAUGHING)

(PIG GRUNTING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

Good day, boofhead.

Who are you?

I'm your Uncle Reg.

Angie?

She can't hear you, mate.

Angie?

Brought you a couple of cold ones.

You can pay me back later.

You should keep your fluids up until the drugs wear off.

Drugs? I told her 200 mils, but you know Angie.

What drugs? She never knows when to call it a day.

Where am I?

You'll be a bit shady for a day or two, that's par for the course.

Just go with the flow, man. Lie back and cop it sweet.

Think about Peter, Paul and Mary.

"Where am I?" See, that's a question.

When I ask you a question, you're supposed to give me an answer.

We call that talking.

You talk too much, mate.

Hey, where are you going?

Hey.

Hey! Hey!

Wait.

This him? Hey, what did I tell you? He's a classic. Isn't he?

(GIGGLING)

Welcome to Woop Woop.

Thank you.

(FARTS)

Pardon.

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Fuck me dead!

♪ Oh, what a beautiful day

ANGIE: ♪ Getting to know you

♪ Getting to know all about you

♪ Getting to like you

♪ Getting to hope you like me ♪

Tucker time.

Now, Reggie says you've got to go a bit easy.

You being so crook and everything.

Is coffee all right?

Coffee's fine.

Coffee's pretty hard to come by in Woop Woop.

I've been saving this for three years.

And you know what I've been saving It for?

For today, you drongo.

My first brekkie with my new hubby.

What?

It's Maxwell House.

Angie, I'm not your husband.

I saved you a bit of the cake.

It's lemon meringue.

I'm not sold on lemon meringue myself.

I'm like you. I like chocolate.

My Auntie Di made It. She's famous for her lemon meringue.

Angie, read my lips.

I'm not your husband. We're not married. There was no wedding.

You wait till you see the photos. Now you get back down there.

I know you don't remember that much about It.

You were that crook, we had to stick you in the wheelbarrow

for the vows.

It was a beautiful day, Teddy.

It was the happiest day of my life.

Now, where are those fucking wedding photos?

"Cop it sweet and think of Peter, Paul and Mary."

Ah!

Got them!

Now, here we go.

Now, this Is me. Throwing the bouquet.

Oh, stand up, you duffer!

Head in the cake. And there's Krystal, my sister, there she is.

I'm going for a walk.

What? A walk.

What do you want to go for a walk for?

I hate you!

I make a home for you!

I cook you breakfast!

And what do you want to go and spoil It all for?

(CRYING) It's my honeymoon.

What honeymoon? There isn't going to be any honeymoon.

A honeymoon is totally unacceptable.

You whack me in the head, you shoot me full of dope,

you toss me in a pig pen for a week and I wake up married.

I don't want to marry you. I don't want to marry anyone!

But you said... What? What did I say?

You asked me. Well, I don't think so!

On the beach you said... I don't care what I said!

You said I was the girl of your dreams. You said happy ever after.

Happy ever after, you said.

Forget what I said, I didn't mean it!

I'm a liar! Ask anybody.

I'm basically rotten to the core.

(GRUNTS)

Oops.

Oh. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, I...

Oh!

Oh, God! Ice. Give me some ice!

Ice? We've got no ice!

Oh, man!

What's that? Roo.

Kangaroo?

I was going to do it for your tea.

I was going to do it in a pineapple glaze.

(GROANS)

What, you don't like pineapple?

It's three minutes to 12:00 and the weather is fine and sunny.

Let's hear one for the newlyweds Ange and boofhead.

Don't forget, boofy, you owe me a couple of cold ones.

I like a man who pays off his debts.

So a couple of cold ones for Uncle Reg

and a great big hot one for Ange.

It's still three minutes to 12:00 and the weather is still fine and sunny.

♪ And I've now become an expert

♪ On the subject I like most

♪ Getting to know you

♪ Getting to know you

♪ Getting to know all about you

♪ Getting to like you

♪ Getting to hope you like me

♪ Getting to know you

♪ Putting it my way but nicely

♪ You are precisely

♪ My cup of tea

♪ Getting to know you

♪ Getting to feel free and easy

♪ When I am with you

♪ Getting to know what to say

(COCKATOO SCREECHING)

♪ Suddenly I'm bright and breezy

♪ Because of all the beautiful and new things

♪ I'm learning about you

♪ Day by day ♪

MOOSE: Hey, mate. The boys would like a word with you.

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

So you're the dirty rat.

I guess.

You're the dirty rat who's been poking my little princess.

I guess.

What do you mean, "you guess"?

You don't know if you've been poking her?

No. I... I know.

Good poke, is she?

No, no, no you don't have to answer that.

Yeah, well, personally, I can't see what she sees

in a hippy-looking numbat like you, but I won't let that fuck me up.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Do the honors, Reg.

You're a rich man, boofhead.

United States of America, gee.

Now, listen, your money's no good to you here. No private property.

That's rule number one.

You come to live in this community,

you donate all your capital

and other material assets to the town.

You're off the map, Son. As far as the 7:00 news goes,

Woop Woop doesn't exist. And that's the way we like It.

And that's the way it's going to stay.

Nobody leaves here without my permission.

And that permission is never given. That's rule number two.

Any questions?

Huh, what? What's he trying to say, Moose?

I don't know, mate.

It's just me and Angie...

Spit it out, boof.

I never asked her to marry me.

You never asked her?

You never popped the question? No.

Are you suggesting she's a liar?

No. No, what I'm suggesting...

Are you suggesting my little princess is a liar?

It's what it sounds like to me.

What's t sound like to you, Reg?

He's saying she's a liar.

No. Maybe if I put it another way.

You poked her once. You poked her twice.

Now you've got to put your hand up.

You're a grown man, aren't you? You're not a fucking grub.

Speak up, son.

Or we're not going to hit It off, you and me.

If we don't hit it off, and I want to underline this in red,

if we don't see eye to eye, the next thing you know...

(EXCLAIMS) We're going to be having an argument.

And one of us is going to end up being the injured party.

And you'd be the favorite, boofhead. You'd be odds-on, son.

You'd be "London" to a fucking brick!

Nice.

Lovely.

Slam the bag, Reg.

Okay, I'll shout for the bar! Let's get stuck in!

(ALL CHEERING)

♪ Shall we dance?

Teddy, come here!

Daddy said you and him got on like a house on fire.

He said that? Yeah, I knew you would.

They all said you wouldn't fit in, but I said,

"Just you wait. You don't know my Teddy."

Angie, Angie, Angie.

I said find yourself some nice big dill, eh?

Someone who says he likes you before he says he loves you.

Come back with Chips Rafferty, I said. And what do you do?

You come back with Victor fucking Mature.

(FARTS)

Mum's been off her food. Haven't you, Mum?

Excuse the breezers. It's her plumbing.

Nothing another can of piss won't put a dent in.

♪ Shall we dance?

♪ Shall we dance?

♪ Shall we then say goodnight and mean goodbye?

ALL: (CHANTING) Daddy-O! Daddy-O!

♪ Shall we still be together

♪ With our arms around each other

♪ And shall you be my new romance? ♪

Where are my zapper cables, mate?

(ALL CHEERING)

Have a look at him. Happy as a bastard on Father's Day.

I love you!

He's a top bloke, Daddy-O, you know.

Stay on his right side and you've got a friend for life.

But you've got to stick to the rules.

What's rule number three?

Rule number three is you don't do the dirty deed with your next of kin.

(CHANTING) Daddy-O, Daddy-O!

You wouldn't be dead for quids, would you?

Hey, you know that Gary Larson cartoon?

The one with the two elks?

It's got that one elk, Vern, he's got a target right here, on his chest.

And the other elk's saying, "Bummer of a birthmark, Vern".

That's fucking funny, mate.

That's me.

I'm Vern.

I'm the elk.

Well, you better keep your shirt on, Vern.

We wouldn't want to see you get shot.

REGGIE: Hello, universe. This Is your Uncle Reggie.

Don't bother looking for us on your radio dial because you haven't got one.

You get used to it after a while.

What is It? Garbage.

Ground's too rocky to dig a hole.

When it gets too bad, everyone has a major moan and we torch It.

Sort of a public holiday. Garbage Day.

Everyone gets stuck into the piss

and Reggie puts on a bit of a feed.

Do you know Neil Diamond?

Neil Diamond?

Yeah, I was going to ask you. You know what he looks like?

He looks like you. Far out!

See, people always tell me I look like him.

The only pictures I've seen of him he looks like a dag.

REGGIE: Good morning, Auntie Di. We're watching you.

Who's that?

Neil Diamond! That's how he looks?

Like a dag!

Like you. Only Jewish and bald.

Unreal, orange peel.

And now it's time for Uncle Reggie's rhythm.

Not far off Dog Day, everyone.

Get out and get focused.

♪ You got to have a dream

♪ If you don't have a dream

♪ How you gonna have a dream come true? ALL: ♪ How you gonna have a dream come true?

♪ Woof Woof.

Woof Woof from Woop Woop.

What?

Dog food, mate.

We chuck in a bit of chaff, then we call it Woof Woof.

It's $1.29 a can in Balgowlah Heights.

(ALL LAUGHING)

♪ Making all the music he can make

♪ Happy talk, keep talking happy talk

MOOSE: She's an artist, your missus.

A lot of them girls, they're just hackers,

but Ange, she was born with it.

I reckon she'd give old Jack the Ripper a run for his money.

Out of sight, Ange, you are a bloody natural!

Come and get them!

♪ Talk about the sparrow looking like a toy

♪ Picking through the branches of a tree

(POWER SAW HUMMING)

♪ Talk about the girl

♪ Talk about the boy

♪ Counting all the ripples on the sea ♪

(PANTING)

(SCREAMS)

(COUGHING)

(GRUNTING)

You set me up.

I can't believe It.

You hear about stuff like this.

Some Fox TV show.

Or some crazy old Mormon with 16 wives and a bazooka in the barn.

You never dream...

And all the time I'm thinking, "Smile for the camera, Teddy.

"You got a date with the best fuck in the southern hemisphere."

And all the time you're measuring me up.

You get to breeding age, you go out and find yourself a stiff dick.

Any stiff dick will do.

Do you really mean that?

What?

The best fuck in the southern hemisphere?

Angie, I need rest.

(GIGGLING)

A little rest or a big rest?

Big extreme. Death. Death would be great.

(GRUNTS)

Have a look at this, mate.

(GRUNTING)

(STAMMERING) Damien, I can see her nor...

DAMIEN: Norks, mate, norks.

(MAN PANTING)

Hey, Midget?

MAN: Hey! You!

(GRUNTING)

(GUNS FIRING)

Fuck me dead!

Run!

Jesus Christ!

Don't kill him. Don't kill him.

Don't kill him yet. I want to watch.

I want to watch. Don't kill him.

Get him down!

Serve you right, you bastard!

Okay, kill him.

Oh, fuck

Shoot him!

DADDY-O: Okay, knock off the shooting.

Who the bloody hell is it, Moose?

Midget, mate.

(GUN COCKS)

Don't shoot the hairdresser. Who'll do my bloody wigs?

(GASPS)

REGGIE: It's all over. Thank you, ball boys.

A terrible waste of human life.

Thank you, everybody. That's all for tonight. The entertainment's over.

You can all go back to your homes and beds.

Who was that?

Midget. Krystal's dickhead husband.

They shot him in the back.

Serves him right. He knows the rules.

Is that your dog?

I'm not having a dog in the house, I'm telling you that now.

Come on, you bastard Get out! Come on!

Out you go!

♪ Chop Suey

♪ Chop Suey

♪ Living here is very much like Chop Suey

♪ Hula-hoops and nuclear war

♪ Doctor Spock and Zsa-Zsa Gabor

♪ Harry Truman Truman Capote and Duey

♪ Chop Suey

♪ Chop Suey

♪ Stars are drifting overhead

♪ Birds and worms have gone to bed

♪ Men work late In laboratories

♪ Others read detective stories

♪ Some are roaming round the country

♪ Others sit beneath just one tree

♪ Tonight on TV's late late show

♪ You can look at Clara Bow ♪

Goodness gracious!

Looks like you might have hit a roo or something.

I swerved. Ah, big mistake. You all do it. You never listen.

The only good roo's a dead roo. You see a roo jump out,

(EXCLAIMS) Foot to the floor.

First rule of the road. That's what your bar's for. That's your roo bar.

So what happened here exactly?

You reckon you can fix It?

What's in It for me?

Ten marbles a week and any time you want to start her up,

come and see your Daddy.

Well, what do you reckon?

Fuck me dead.

(GUN FIRES)

Now, there are three rules to maintaining a happy chainsaw.

Now, can you remember what they are? Can you tell me?

(GUN FIRES)

(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING)

Jamie Canford, you come back here!

♪ You travel there in a trolley

♪ In a trolley up you climb

Missed him!

Run, you bloody mongrel!

♪ You can eat if you are in the mood

♪ Having soup, eating fish

♪ The girl who serves you all your food

♪ Is another tasty dish ♪

Rack off!

Hey! Hey, that's my dog!

It's Dog Day.

Well, I don't care what day it is. Fuck Dog Day.

You pop that dog, I'm personally going to haunt your dreams.

You'd never get a night's rest for the rest of your life.

I'll shoot you if you like.

Cry like a baby. Say it was an accident.

Ah, tough guy.

Okay, tough guy. Talk tough tome.

Hey, are you all right?

(BARKING)

(LOUD SNORTING)

TEDDY: Come on, guys. Find the lady. Find the lady.

All right, follow her, follow her, follow her.

Place your bets.

That's a big bet.

I'm a big girl.

Merry Christmas.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

ANGIE: ♪ Jingle bells Jingle all the way

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride

♪ In a one-horse open sleigh

♪ Hey, jingle bells

Merry fucking Christmas, you beautiful bunch of bastards!

Ho! Ho! Ho! Bloody ho!

♪ Jingle all the way

♪ As the years roll along on their way ♪

Oh, gee, you shouldn't have.

Look, it's about these pineapple chunks, Daddy-O.

Oh, that's Reggie's department, love.

I kind of like those pineapple chunks myself. Eh, Reg?

Everybody's sick of them.

I could try and organize some cherries.

Are they nice? Cherries are great, Pat.

Pitted cherries they're all the go.

Oh.

Yeah, well, what about my Marlboros?

You on about that again?

Too right I am.

How long are you going to go on about that?

Until I get my Marlboros.

Everyone in town gets two ounces of Champion Ruby per week.

Jesus, Reggie, I'm not asking for the fucking moon.

All I want is some filter tips.

Now, now. Blow it out your arse!

Shut up! I've had a bloody gutful of you, Reggie.

Goodwill to all men, eh, Reggie? REGGIE: Yeah.

All right.

Ah, very good, Duffy.

There you go.

What?

Filthy little bastard.

Duffy! Are you out there?

Don't go In there, Duffy, if you value your ass.

Hey, Duff? Duffy, you stinkin' little fucking mole.

Don't make me come and get you!

If you value my opinion, Duffy, don't go in there.

REGGIE: Go on, mate.

DADDY-O: Ten, nine, eight...

Okay, find the lady.

DADDY-O: Duffy!

MOOSE: Good boy, Duffy.

I've been hearing some horrible things about you. Duffy.

You know what horrible things I'm talking about, don't you, eh?

Eh?

Laverne? Where are you?

You want Laverne to tell everybody

the horrible things I've been hearing?

No, Daddy. No, Daddy.

Moose, he's your boy.

He knows the rules.

The rules. There's got to be rules, Duffy!

What do you do when you crack a fat?

I beat my meat.

You beat your meat, don't you?

You flog your log!

You wank your shank!

You pull your pud!

But what do you do?

You go and root in the ute.

The next thing you know your little cousin, Laverne's, up the spout.

Then what have we got, Duffy?

Runts. Runts!

What do we do with runts?

Strangle them at birth.

We strangle them at birth!

You oversexed little maggot!

TEDDY: Hey!

You want to kill him?

No.

You see that, all of you?

That's what you get when you start rooting your little cousins.

And your brothers and your sisters!

You're going to end up bloody runts!

Well, how about a nice carol?

DADDY-O: What? A nice carol?

Ah, beauty.

♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out

♪ On the feast of Stephen

♪ When the snow lay round about

♪ Deep and crisp and even

♪ Brightly shone the moon that night

♪ Though the frost was cruel...♪

Excuse me! Excuse me, I've got an announcement to make!

My mum keeps saying I've been eating like a pig.

Which I have too. I'm terrible.

It's because I'm eating for two.

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Fuck me dead! She's up the duff.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(SCREAMING)

Bloody marvelous! I'll shout for the bar.

(ALL CHEERING)

What exactly do you mean?

Well, what do you think I mean. Teddy? I'm dropping a sprog.

I'm having a fucking baby.

You lied to me.

You could say you were pleased.

Pleased? Pleased?

You're going to be a father, Teddy.

I don't want to be a father.

It's totally unacceptable. You lied to me.

(LAUGHING) Just quietly.

No. You said you were on the pill.

I'm a woman in love, Teddy. I can't help myself.

You can't get away with this.

You're going to prove me wrong, aren't you, boofhead?

You're going to make me proud of you.

You're going to make me soil myself I'm that proud. Am I right, my son?

Oh, 100%, gramps.

(HEAVING)

I love you, Teddy.

(ANGIE SPITTING)

(ANGIE CRYING)

(BARKING)

♪ The hills are alive

(SHOUTING ANGRILY)

♪ With songs they have sung

♪ For a thousand years

♪ The hills fill my heart...

What's he doing here?

You don't bring the dog to the fucking pictures.

Get rid of it.

♪ My heart wants to sing every song it hears

Go, go, go home.

♪ My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds

♪ That rise from the lake to the trees

♪ My heart wants to sigh like a chime that files

♪ From a chill on a breeze

♪ To laugh like a brook...♪

I got to go to the bathroom.

Ones or twos?

♪ To sing through the night...

♪ Doe, a deer, a female deer

♪ Ray, a drop of golden sun

♪ Me, a name I call myself

♪ Far, a long long way to run

♪ Sew, a needle pulling thread

♪ La, a note to follow sew ♪

Look at the full forward.

In the back. In the fucking back, you moron!

He couldn't get a jump in a brothel.

REGGIE: What we need is another Cazaly. That's what we need.

REGGIE: He's dead. DADDY-O: We know he's dead.

DADDY-0: Bring him back, from the dead. We know he's dead, Reg.

MOOSE: Wiener schnitzels with an egg on the top.

DADDY-O: Look at that.

MARIA: I couldn't stay, I knew that here I'd be away from it,

I'd be safe.

Maria, our abbey is not to be used as an escape.

MAN: Here she comes, here it comes.

What is it you can't face?

(ALL SHOUTING)

What did I miss? "What Is it, you cunt face?"

REGGIE: It's time now for a Radio Woop Woop traffic report.

And there's an old trolley, that's blocking the pathway

between the school and the pub.

So stay away from there until the bastard who did this is caught and punished.

DUFFY: Tell you what, boofhead, I think you're going to need a bigger bus.

What's the Big Red?

Yo, Duffy.

You hear people talking. "Did you see the Big Red?"

"Watch out for the Big Red."

"The Big Red's going to get you."

It's a Big Red roo, mate.

Wow!

The Abos reckon there's a Big Red roo

twenty feet tall, carries off kids and that.

They reckon it can kill a man in one punch.

They're full of far out shit like that. They're Abos.

Well? How's she coming along, boofhead?

Eh?

Shit!

Well, fuck me dead.

DADDY-O: Is he a fucking genius?

He's a fucking, fucking genius!

You could've told me! Boofhead, to be honest with you,

I never thought you'd crack It.

Hey, Reg, give the boofhead here a 20 marble bonus.

We've got a genius in the family.

Hey, listen, mate. Have you got another trick up your sleeve?

(PEOPLE EXCLAIM)

All I need now is a volunteer.

I need a beautiful young lady to accompany me on stage.

I'm pregnant, aren't I?

A thin beautiful young lady, please.

I'm getting lonely up here.

♪ The minor flood and thunder tones

♪ The overtones are all we care to play

Ah, a beautiful young lady.

♪ Hysterically frantic

TEDDY: Step right up.

Step in the box.

Feet first.

There you go.

Trust me.

♪ Same tempo morning and night

♪ Allegro!

♪ Don't stop whatever you do

♪ Do something dizzy and new

♪ Keep up the hullabaloo!

♪ Allegro!

♪ Allegro!

♪ Allegro!

(AUDIENCE SCREAMING)

♪ Brisk, lively, merry and bright

♪ Allegro!

♪ Same tempo morning and night

♪ Allegro!

♪ Don't stop whatever you do

♪ Do something dizzy and new

♪ Keep up the hullabaloo

♪ Allegro! ♪ Allegro!

♪ Allegro! ♪ Allegro!

♪ Allegro! ♪ Allegro! ♪

(EXCLAIMS)

(ALL EXCLAIM IN RELIEF)

TEDDY: I don't fit in here.

Bottom of my heart, this Is totally unacceptable.

I mean, look. These used to be white.

You talk too much. Anyone ever tell you that?

My mother. You talk too much for your own good.

Story of my life. There you go again.

You know, you don't fit in here any more than I do.

What makes you so sure?

I'm a good judge of character.

Are you making me an offer?

No. But I'd be happy to.

You know, this stuff might work where you come from

but I'm telling you it's not going to work here.

Well, that's too bad. You change your mind, you let me know.

You know, you might be the last one to know.

Why is that?

Because I'm a good judge of character too.

DIRTY DEAN: Teddy!

Mr. Bojangles!

What?

Duffy said you better come and have a look. He sent me over.

You reckon you can put it back together again?

Why?

Why?

Because you're a fucking genius, that's why, son.

Why did you kill the dog?

Eh? Oh, that wasn't me.

No, that was young Leon. He shot the dog.

It was Dog Day, weren't It?

It wasn't Dog Day.

Dog Day was last week!

Oh, well you know Leon.

These young boys, they love their sport. It's Dog Day every day.

What are you all fucking looking like that for?

Got it. You're out, you blighter.

(ALL CHEERING)

You mongrel.

Daddy-O!

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

You're not a well man, Daddy-O.

You're sick In the head.

Tell him.

Tell him what you saw, Duffy.

What did you see, Duffy?

Duffy?

Everybody's getting on Big Pat about the pineapple chunks.

MAN: You're bloody right.

And all the time you, Reggie, and my man Moose

are up there in the Founding Father's Club

eating Wiener schnitzel and watching the game on TV.

Is that what you saw, Duffy?

Wiener schnitzel?

Tell him.

Tell him about the Marlboros.

Go ahead, Duffy.

Tell him what you saw.

Nothing. He's scared.

You're not, eh?

What are you going to do, Daddy-O? Shoot me In the back?

What, are you fucking stupid?

You've got pretty sizeable balls, young man.

For a Yank.

I suppose you could verify that, couldn't you, Angie?

The sizeableness of his balls.

Relative to the average man, that Is.

At a pinch.

You see that mine over there, son?

That's the old CMG asbestos mine.

My father died in that mine.

Reggie's father.

Fire underground.

Terrible thing. Burned for 40 days.

Is that correct, teacher? '79? That's correct.

That's when they give this land back to the Abos.

Abos are pretty thin on the ground, you might have noticed that.

But this is Abo land. They didn't want it.

Couple of hundred people, two generations.

Some Richard Cranium on the 21st floor in Martin Place

snaps his fingers and it's gone.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

They got a rubber, and they rubbed it off the map.

We kicked up a bit of a stink, didn't we, Moose?

Made the papers for a week or two. Life's too short.

Some shit of a place in the dead heart of Australia.

"I'll call you back."

They gave us a few bucks and told us to piss off.

They put us on a truck,

me and Ginger and the kids, Moose and Pat,

couple of dozen people, all that was left.

They put us a on a semi, drove us to Fremantle.

We didn't buy it, did we, Ginge? No. The big bad world.

Didn't sit right.

Sydney, Fremantle.

Too many red lights.

Too many poli's.

Too many reffos. Too much fucking chaos. What do you think we did?

Came back.

We came back, didn't we?

It's not much, is it? It's too fucking dry. Too fucking hot.

Too many bloody files, but it's ours.

You might think that doesn't amount to much.

But it's fair dinkum.

It's Woop Woop.

I think that's worth fighting for.

Hands up all of you who think that's worth a fight.

Didn't see you there.

That was a really brave thing to do.

You know, calling Daddy-O's bluff like that.

I wouldn't have thought you had it in you.

Oh, sure.

Well, It wasn't real clever, but it was brave.

Isn't that so often the way?

Pictures tonight?

♪ There is nothing like a dame

♪ Nothing in the world

Jerry Garcia's seeds, man.

♪ That is anything like a dame

♪ Nothing else is built the same

(COUGHING)

Pretty bloody good shit, eh?

♪ Like the silhouette of a dame

♪ There is absolutely nothing

Silly poofter.

♪ Like a frame

♪ Of a dame

♪ Pick them up and set them down.

♪ Hut, two, three, four ♪

KRYSTAL: Come in!

NELLIE: I bet you read a lot.

KRYSTAL: Just help yourself.

EMILE: Out here, one becomes hungry to learn everything.

Not to miss anything.

Not to let anything good...

...pass by Pass by.

♪ Some enchanted evening

(ALL SINGING ALONG)

♪ You may see a stranger

♪ Across a crowded room

♪ And somehow you know

♪ You know even then

♪ That somewhere you'll see her

♪ Again and again

So, how do you do this?

Reggie.

He's got a soft spot for me after what happened to Midget.

♪ Someone may be laughing ♪

Tell me about Midget.

Do I have to?

No, I'm just curious.

Did you bang him with 250mils of thorazine or was he a volunteer?

I met him in Kununurra. He was a hairdresser.

You see, I always wanted to have my hair cut like Elizabeth Taylor

you know, like in Cleopatra.

You should've seen it. It was a shocker.

He was a hairdresser?

Yeah, I know.

You should've seen him do Barbra Streisand.

It was such a hoot.

So why was he climbing a rockface at 2:00 in the morning?

I know how it looks.

I don't blame you.

Daddy-O's losing the plot.

You heard him, he just loves this place.

He's a romantic at heart.

He shot your husband.

He knew the rules.

Krystal, you give a thing a name.

He shot him in the back and he minced him up for dog food.

What's going on?

Shut up, you fucking wombat!

Has he been putting the hard word on you? She's my sister, Teddy.

She's a widow and she's in mourning.

I take my eyes off you for five minutes!

Please, Angie, don't get so angry.

Yeah, Angie, don't get angry.

I know what you're up to. You do?

What, you think I don't know? You think I'm blind?

Honey, what are you talking about?

And I'll tell you this for nothing, you big nought.

You think you can cut my lunch?

You know, you shouldn't get drunk all the time. You being pregnant.

He wouldn't touch you with a 40 foot pole.

And you shouldn't smoke so much.

And you know why? You're a dry sandwich.

You couldn't get a fuck in a frankfurt factory.

Yeah, you're going to the grave unopened.

Teddy!

You know how to hotwire a 40 ton truck?

No. But I know how to drive one.

ANGIE: Come on. Get out of here, you dumb bastard!

Go on. Get! Get out of it.

♪ I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair

(ALL SINGING ALONG)

♪ I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair

♪ And send him on his way

Do you get the picture?

♪ I'm gonna wave that man right out of my arms

♪ I'm gonna wave that man right out of my arms

♪ I'm gonna wave that man right out of my arms

♪ And send him on his way

Oh, lovely, lovely.

♪ Don't try to patch It up

♪ Wash him up, dry him up

♪ Push him out, dry him out

♪ Cancel him

♪ And let him go

♪ Yeah, sister

♪ I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair

♪ I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair

Look out. I'm a doctor. DADDY-O: Ah, Ginge. She'll be all right.

Nothing another can of piss won't put a dent in, eh?

(GROANING)

♪ Waste no time

♪ Make a change ♪

Good day, Reggie.

Oh, hi, love. Have you got an appointment?

Oh, no, mate. I just need a hand, you know.

I'm not sleeping. And I'm worried sick.

I'm worried about your dad. Dad?

How about Mum? It's doing my head in.

He's been going a bit far lately, I reckon.

He's blind to things sometimes, you know.

Blind? He's not blind, mate.

He just looks the other way. Thanks.

Don't take them all at once.

You're the biggest wanker. You've been wanking all your life, haven't you?

REGGIE: (OVER RADIO) And a big hello to Big Pat.

Haven't you? KENNY: Yes.

What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?

You add a little salt, you stimulate the enzymes. Gives a good head.

We all like a good head.

Give us a go at that.

♪ The boss gets on my nerves

♪ I've got a good mind to quit

♪ I've taken all I can

Well, I'll be buggered.

♪ And move to another job

It's good.

Hey, give us a go, you boofhead.

The gentleman's getting me down

♪ A gentleman is a dope

♪ A man of many faults

Krystal!

♪ A clumsy Joe who wouldn't know

Krystal!

♪ A rumba from a waltz

♪ The gentleman is a dope

♪ And not my cup of tea

♪ Why do I get in a dither?

♪ He doesn't belong to me ♪

Is that you, boofhead?

It's my plumbing, Teddy.

I heard.

You done a great job on the V-Dub.

Everyone says.

Except Daddy-O.

But Daddy-O won't live forever.

You got... You got a big future in this town.

Teddy-O.

(COUGHING)

Give her a kiss.

Give her a fucking kiss, now

(FARTS)

Pardon me.

(ALL GROAN)

Fogged my glasses.

They drank it.

Daddy drank two. He's tough, though.

I don't know how long he's going to stay down.

She's my mother, Teddy.

I got the key.

She's my mother. And she's dying.

What do you expect me to do?

It's now or never.

We're never going to get this chance again.

You go.

What about you?

Just go. There's nothing in this for you.

(SIGHS)

Quit snoring, Ginger.

Jesus Christ!

(COUGHING)

(BREATHING RAGGEDLY)

(SCREECHING)

REGGIE: Good day, Ginger.

This one's for you, mate.

♪ Hello young lovers whoever you are

♪ I hope your troubles are few

♪ All my good wishes go with you tonight

♪ I feel in love like you ♪

Dad?

She's a real good sort, your mum.

Yeah.

Prize winner in her day.

Daddy.

(COUGHS)

That's... That's that bloody asbestos.

It's nothing.

She'll get over that.

Look at me, never did me any harm.

(SOFTLY) Dad.

What the bloody hell do you want, Krystal?

She's gone.

♪ You fly down a street on the chance that you'll meet

♪ And you'll meet

What, are you still here, are you?

Ginger. ♪ Don't cry young lovers whatever you do

♪ Don't cry because I don't know

There. Get your jacket on. That's it.

Come on, Daddy. Come on.

♪ When you walk through a storm

♪ Hold your head up high

♪ And don't be afraid of the dark

♪ At the end of the storm

♪ Is a golden sky

♪ And the sweet silver song

♪ Of a lark

♪ Walk on through the wind

♪ Walk on through the rain

♪ Though your dreams be tossed

♪ And blown

♪ Walk on, walk on

♪ With hope in your heart

♪ And you'll never walk alone

♪ You'll never

♪ Walk

♪ Alone

(WHIMPERS)

Ginge, why mate?

Why?

♪ Walk on through the wind

♪ Walk on through the rain

♪ Though your dreams be tossed

♪ And blown

♪ You know that I loved you.

♪ Walk on, walk on

♪ With hope in your heart

♪ And you'll never

♪ Walk alone

♪ You'll never walk

(ALL EXCLAIM)

Pardon me.

♪ Alone ♪

I'm out of here, you mongrel. Shit! My watch stopped.

(GASPS)

Where have you been, you naughty boy?

Reggie reckons it's twins.

Wouldn't that be too much?

I've been trying to think of some names.

How about Sonny and Cher?

Here, you feel them?

Ooh, you naughty girl.

I'm a naughty girl.

I'm a naughty, naughty girl.

Naughty, naughty girls need to be tied up.

Then spanked.

Oh, Teddy.

Pump my spam castanets.

Shit!

Teddy?

You got me, Duff.

All you go to do is whistle.

You know me, mate. I couldn't whistle if my arse was on fire.

TEDDY: You've got a big future in this town, Duffy-O.

♪ Every day of your life

♪ For as long as you live

♪ Climb every mountain

(YELPS)

Hi.

♪ Follow every rainbow

♪ Till you find ♪

Daddy!

If we get out of here, if I ever get this rig to shift

I got a couple of things in the pipeline.

Something maybe you might be interested in.

Is that an offer?

Most definitely.

What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?

He's mine. I found him.

Not for long, the bastard. Get in, princess!

(BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

You look sad.

It's my face. I have a sad face.

Whole family's the same. Sadsacks.

This is the world's greatest illusion.

But don't you feel sad about the baby?

No, I don't feel sad about the baby.

Well, I do. I feel awful.

She's not pregnant.

You feel better now?

She just said that to attract my attention.

But how do you know she's not pregnant?

She told your mum.

(GUN FIRES)

(KRYSTAL SCREAMS)

Come on, Daddy-O! Come on!

Oh, fuck!

I've got you, boofhead. I'm up your arse, you little bastard!

I was good to you. I could've squashed you like a grub.

Well, you know something, I've had a gutful.

Are you going to shoot me?

The father of Angie's unborn child!

Shoot the fucker, Dad!

Ah, fuck it!

You bastard!

Angie, please sit down.

I'll get you, you bloody Yank!

Angie, sit down!

You poofter!

Get hold of him, Ange.

No!

Fuck you!

Hit them! Hit them!

Hit them!

Krystal. Stop!

I can't stop. I'm going to squash them.

I'm on your ass, Daddy-O!

ANGIE: Krystal!

(LOUD THUDDING)

Daddy-O!

Daddy, look!

You see it?

What Is it?

(EXCLAIMS)

(SCREAMING)

First rule of the road.

Where did they go?

Where did they go?

(SCREAMS)

Did you see that?

No.

(GUN FIRES)

Fuck me dead.

(SOBBING)

♪ A dream that will bring all the love you can give

♪ Every day of your life for as long as you live

♪ Climb every mountain

♪ Ford every stream

♪ Follow every rainbow

♪ Till you find your dream

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on ♪ Clap your hands! Clap your hands!

♪ Walk on

♪ When you walk through the storm

♪ Hold your head up high

♪ And don't be afraid of the dark

♪ Is a golden sky

♪ And the sweet silver song

♪ And the sweet silver song

♪ Of a lark

♪ Walk on through the wind

♪ Walk on through the rain

♪ Though your dreams be tossed and blown

♪ Walk on, walk on

♪ With hope in your heart

♪ And you'll never walk alone

♪ You'll never walk

♪ Walk alone

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on

♪ When you walk through the storm

♪ Hold your head up high

♪ And don't be afraid of the dark

♪ At the end of the storm

♪ Is a golden sky

♪ And the sweet silver song

♪ Of a lark

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on through the wind

♪ Walk on through the rain

♪ Though your dreams be tossed and blown

♪ Walk on

♪ Walk on

♪ With hope in your heart

♪ And you'll never walk alone

♪ You'll never ♪ You'll never walk

♪ Walk alone ♪

(REGGAE SONG PLAYING)

Hello. Can I help you?

Teddy!

Morning, Elliott.

What?

KRYSTAL: Meet Sonny and Cher.

Good day, Dad. Good day, Dad.