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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,079 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:06,639 The thing you should know about me is that I have a photographic memory, 3 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,639 but it's... like, it's only for trainers. 4 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:10,519 I can tell you where I was and what I was doing 5 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,280 the first time I wore every pair. 6 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:15,199 Reebok Iversons, 7 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,480 my first house party. 8 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,120 - Whoa, easy, mate. - HE SPLUTTERS 9 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,400 Don't make love to it. 10 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:25,720 You all right? 11 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,559 I've... I've not been sick. 12 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,480 Adidas Superstars aka Shell Toes. 13 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,119 I remember thinking... 14 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,639 It's a bit weird. 15 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,999 You going on holiday with my PE teacher, Mum. 16 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,839 Russell, babe, how many times? 17 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,599 It's not a happy holiday. 18 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,079 It's a permanent one... 19 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:45,239 ..from your dad. 20 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,920 Yeah, but why does Mrs Dunthorpe need a holiday from Dad? 21 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:52,960 Bye, Mum. 22 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,520 ENGINE STARTS 23 00:00:55,521 --> 00:00:56,560 Bye, Miss! 24 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,599 Yeezy Boost 700s, Wave Runners. 25 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,400 This one's easy, cos it's... today. 26 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:05,799 It's just... 27 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,839 ..maybe if you don't find the heels comfortable, you shouldn't wear them. 28 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,839 Most men wouldn't need to be asked, Russell. 29 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,479 They'd just offer up their trainers. 30 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,799 Yeah, fair point. 31 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:17,679 It's just, I didn't ever really realise 32 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,680 - how much glass there is down here. - SHE SIGHS 33 00:01:19,683 --> 00:01:20,839 Russell! 34 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,599 Just man up, yeah? 35 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:23,840 Man up. 36 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,199 No, this, um... 37 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,439 ..this isn't working. 38 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,159 Yeah. No, you're right. 39 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:32,719 You're kind of walking in them funny and it's giving... 40 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,719 No, no, no, no. I mean us. Oh. 41 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,839 We're just not a match, you and me, 42 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,959 cos I'm a medical professional under a lot of pressure. 43 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,119 At Specsavers? Uh... 44 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:44,239 And you're... 45 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:46,879 Look, I'll put it gently, because you're a sensitive idiot, 46 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,199 but you're a waste of a life in Sports Depot. 47 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:52,080 You... you mean I'm wasting my life at Sports Depot? 48 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,040 It's over, Russell. 49 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,200 Can I get my trainers back? 50 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,279 There's this saying that the eyes are the gateway to the soul, 51 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,959 but they should have said trainers. 52 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,839 Every pair tells a story. 53 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:11,919 And these are m... 54 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,079 Well, yeah. This is mine, basically. 55 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:15,200 OK? Thanks. 56 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:36,359 You wouldn't catch me dead 57 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:39,199 in any of the shit trainers that we sell at Sports Depot. 58 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:43,239 That would literally destroy decades of reputation. 59 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,999 Like I always say, "Don't look someone in the eyes, 60 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,799 "look at them in the trainers." 61 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,119 Take my friend Mulenga. 62 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,439 He wears Air Force Ones. 63 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,039 They look good, feel good, 64 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,199 just like Mulenga. 65 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,159 Not... just... not in a weird way. 66 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,519 If you want to lose weight, you've got to gain it first. 67 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:58,639 Really? 68 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,439 Accumulate to accumulate, bruv. 69 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,799 I run a lickle personal training business on the side. 70 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,039 But you look... I look what? 71 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,959 What are you trying to say? I look fat, bro? 72 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,479 Trust the process. Right now, I'm just bulking. 73 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,119 Amber wears Vans, which says, 74 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,439 "Minimal effort," or "Given up on life." 75 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,519 Depends what way you look at it, really. 76 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,639 Just wanted to know where the golf clubs are. 77 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:18,199 Can you point me in their direction? 78 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,759 Nah, I wish I was better at my job too, but I'm just not, 79 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:22,199 do you know what I mean? 80 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,520 I'm literally a mystery shopper. 81 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,799 Golf clubs? Yeah. Uh... 82 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,200 Upstairs, by all the weird camping shit. 83 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,839 Oh, you're not going to believe what's happened to me. 84 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,839 Clare's binned you off again? 85 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,959 Yeah, how do you... Oh, it's just your face. 86 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,519 I'm on a come-down at work and you look more gutted than me. 87 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,279 You lot weren't even doing the ting, so... 88 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,719 Doesn't mean we weren't doing stuff. We were doing bits. 89 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:45,959 Tantric. Love it. 90 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,679 Well, she'd do this one thing, right, 91 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:49,479 where she'd lie on the bed... 92 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,959 ..fiddling. Gee! You are such a player, bro. 93 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,639 And then where are you in all of this? 94 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,439 So, I'm face down on the floor, or on the corner of the bed 95 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,359 where she can't see, because if I get in her eyeline, 96 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:00,799 throws her off, dries her up. 97 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,399 I feel like you need a proper connection, though, with someone, 98 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,119 like me and that guy I made out with at the Halloween rave? 99 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,879 Do you think... he's the one? 100 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,319 I think maybe, like, definitely. 101 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,600 I can't wait to see his face tonight. 102 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,199 You haven't... you haven't seen his face? 103 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,039 Nah, it's fancy dress, innit? 104 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,999 He was Batman, I was a slutty alien. 105 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,559 Tale as old as time. 106 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,359 Right. 107 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,399 Edgars is brand-new to the family. 108 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,359 He wears Karrimors and basketball shorts, 109 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:31,639 which, to my knowledge, I don't think has been done before. 110 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,919 Yeah, so it's really hard to get a read on him. 111 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,639 Still, nice guy. 112 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,679 She was like, "Man up." 113 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,760 I just, sort of, wanted a final opinion, really. 114 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,480 If you want my opinion, Russell... 115 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,559 You want it? Yeah. 116 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:52,399 Remind me of the problem. I'm engrossed in Mills and Boons. 117 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,639 OK. So, she said it was over, 118 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,279 but, sort of, like... 119 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:58,359 ..like a question, you know? Like... 120 00:04:58,360 --> 00:04:59,599 .."It's over?" 121 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,599 Like, went up at the end. This woman is not good for you. 122 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:03,839 Yeah. Really? Yeah. 123 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:07,520 You are in the top five most beautiful men in Peterborough. 124 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,719 She's shit on my shoe. 125 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,759 But, you know, everyone says that she's out of my league. 126 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,279 You can't trust people, Russell. 127 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:17,559 Yeah. 128 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,919 All right, well, good chat. Thanks for that. 129 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,959 Lots to think about. 130 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,480 Appreciate your wisdom. 131 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,999 Jemma wears red Reebok Cardi Bs. 132 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,399 Red is a warning in the animal kingdom 133 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,719 and Cardi B is simply terrifying. 134 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:34,919 What's this? 135 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,119 Dunno. 136 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:37,359 You had your lip waxed? 137 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:41,320 This is the face of someone who's made eight sales in an hour. 138 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,639 Why are you in sliders? 139 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:45,799 They're not allowed. 140 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,159 You're not the manager. 141 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,359 Neither are you and you've been here eight years. 142 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:50,999 I've only been here three months. 143 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,559 Nine years. 144 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,799 Thank you. 145 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,279 All right, yeah, you win. 146 00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:57,479 All right, what do you want? Pockets, please. 147 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,399 I only just got in. 148 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,799 Staff members must be searched. 149 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,599 I don't enjoy this any more than you do. 150 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,360 Feels like you definitely do. 151 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,639 PATTING 152 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,839 Good boy. RADIO: Russell. My office, now. 153 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,640 I need you to go to the office. 154 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,719 Don't make me tell you again. Yeah, I'm going. 155 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:17,879 And not because you said. 156 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,519 Go on! Because Mogs asked me. 157 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:20,879 Off you pop! What? 158 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,480 Your hair line already left. 159 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,839 Mogs is store manager. 160 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,199 It's rare that I don't recognise a pair of trainers, 161 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,239 but genuinely, what the fuck are those? 162 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,959 Besides a cry for help, obviously. 163 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,999 HE KNOCKS ON DOOR 164 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,399 Management looks mad stressful, to be fair, 165 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,959 although she's always got time for us. 166 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,239 Sorry. It's just Clare left me again. 167 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,279 Yeah, no time, Russell. 168 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,479 I've been on the phone to head office since breakfast, 169 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,639 I'm pissing three times an hour and my fanny... 170 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:48,680 ..has got a heartbeat. 171 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,319 Shit, is it meant to? 172 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,919 I want you to watch the phone for me. OK. 173 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,039 This little dickhead thinks my bladder's a stress ball. 174 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,959 SHE SIGHS 175 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,280 What, just stay on the phone? Yes, Russell, stay on the phone. 176 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,160 HE YAWNS 177 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,400 - SHE GROANS - Look. 178 00:07:14,403 --> 00:07:15,920 She's all over him. 179 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,159 Question is, though, 180 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,639 what's Blades got that Russell hasn't? 181 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,919 Obviously, you know, with the muscles and the tattoos 182 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,919 and the shoes and the beard and the personality and... 183 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,319 Here it is. Blades is lame, yeah? 184 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,359 Yeah. But he's his own boss, you know? 185 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,959 He's got his own tattoo shop, chooses his own hours. 186 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,559 Doesn't have to wear Sports Depot shit. 187 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,959 Maybe his life is better than us. 188 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,319 Well, I dunno, actually, 189 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,559 cos Elon Musk actually started at JD Sports. 190 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,959 Swear down?! Honestly, yeah. That's what I'm sayin'! 191 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,799 See? It's the origin stories like that 192 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,439 that keep me going through the grind. 193 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,239 That's what's gonna make me get out of here, cos of that... 194 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,599 Wait. 195 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,079 Wait, you're lying, innit? 196 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,759 Why are you always lying? 197 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:58,879 I dunno, you know? 198 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:02,280 They're like my little stories, like free TV in my head. 199 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:12,679 Mogs, look, there's no sugar-coating this shit sandwich. 200 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,319 Uh, it's Russell, um... 201 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,879 Mogs will be back in a minute. 202 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,679 Russell, yeah? Be a mate, yeah? 203 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,759 Just tell her I can't sign off that maternity leave. 204 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:22,800 Um... 205 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:26,200 Are you sure you definitely want to go through with this? 206 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:30,879 I have rights, you know. 207 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,599 Yeah, and in many ways, I'm a huge supporter of those rights, 208 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,039 and in many other ways, you're not actually on contract, 209 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,159 so we're not obliged to give you that extra holiday. 210 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,519 Holiday. It's a fucking baby. 211 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,519 Which is such a blessing, right? 212 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,399 All right. What if I quit right now? 213 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,719 Well, it sounds like you made up your mind, so just... 214 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,399 I'm gonna have to find a replacement. 215 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,999 Just put me on whoever's been here the longest, yeah? 216 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:55,519 Fuck you, Allen, you prepubescent little prick! 217 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,560 All right, you take care, Mogs. All the best now. 218 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,559 I think Mogs just quit. 219 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:11,400 Yeah, not to worry. Um... 220 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:13,599 Congrats, Russell! 221 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:14,879 Oh. 222 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:15,920 Thanks. 223 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,200 For what? 224 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,719 Being manager, though. 225 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:25,039 What do you reckon? 226 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:26,639 Am I ready for it? 227 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,039 Come on, cuz, you're 36. 228 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:29,959 Yeah. If not now, then when? 229 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,919 It's not like you're gonna manage in the afterlife or something. 230 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,759 Yeah, I know, but... 231 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,279 ..I just don't really see myself as a corporate slug. 232 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:39,039 At the end of the day, you've both said it, 233 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,999 I'm more of a sort of creative. 234 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,039 Man of the people. As much as I do think 235 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,039 it would be a proper laugh with you in charge... 236 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,919 Cheers. ..I do worry that this shop 237 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,119 is robbing us of our most fuckable years. 238 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:50,199 And it's like, 239 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,959 will we die here, 240 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,239 all alone, surrounded by shoes? 241 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,759 You know, completely unfuckable? 242 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,360 Well, no, there are worse places to work than here. 243 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:02,120 Where? 244 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,079 Claire's Accessories is shit. 245 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,479 It's tiny in there. 246 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,680 And you have to, like, pierce... children's ears. 247 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,479 Should just come to Australia with me, Russ. 248 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,159 Great. What, you're leaving as well? 249 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,399 You been chatting about that for time, you ain't going. 250 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,279 I am. I'm going really soon, actually. 251 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,520 I just think Sports Depot hasn't been run properly since, like... 252 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,479 ..2014. That was a good year. 253 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,439 The old logo. Oh. 254 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,239 Our happiness depends on man like Russell taking this job. 255 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:35,279 Really? 256 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,959 Russell... 257 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,839 ..the bossman. 258 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:39,919 Manning up. 259 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,479 Manning up! 260 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,080 That's mad, cos Clare said that. 261 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,040 Maybe she was good for me. 262 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:50,719 What is this? 263 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:51,960 It's like sage and onion. 264 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,399 I trust you guys. 265 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,159 All right? No more searches. 266 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,919 I told you, do not trust people, Russell. 267 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,839 Look, this is going to be sick, OK? 268 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,680 - No more searches, yeah? - JEMMA SNIFFS 269 00:11:03,683 --> 00:11:06,719 And, like, if you guys have any problems or any ideas, 270 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,239 you can always come to me. 271 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,879 See me as a momager, like Kris Jenner. 272 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,879 Question over here. What is it? 273 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,440 You're gonna be shit at this. 274 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:17,840 Well, that's not even a question. 275 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,639 All right, what do you think? 276 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,039 Yeah, it suits you. Yeah? 277 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,119 It's just a bit big around the titty area... Yeah. 278 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,479 ..but it suits you. Yeah. See what you were saying earlier 279 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,159 about coming to you with ideas and that? 280 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:32,639 Yeah? I think I've got one. 281 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,759 Oh, nice. Yeah. Go on. There's this big bossman opportunity going on. 282 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,759 OK. Dream Travel is closing down. 283 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:41,039 Yeah? All their office stuff is just sitting there... 284 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:42,719 ..ready to go. Yeah? 285 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,399 Real-life Storage Wars, fam. 286 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:47,399 Aw, man, I fucking love Storage Wars. 287 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:51,919 But what I mean by idea is, like, more Sports Depot-related. 288 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,599 So, like, you know, we do the big mugs? 289 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:57,239 Yeah. So, like, my idea, for example, is, like, big bowls. 290 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:58,640 Like, too big. 291 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:02,159 That's an incredible idea. Thank you. 292 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:04,559 Like, massive bowls, hella cereal. 293 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:05,599 Or salad, or... 294 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,079 Thing is, I need a way to make money right now. 295 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,120 Yeah. 296 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,959 I just... I don't know. 297 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,079 Bro! Come on, man. 298 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,319 What would Kris Jenner do? 299 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,039 Look what she did for Kim. 300 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,399 Leaked the tape... 301 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,639 ..made the bread. 302 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,159 And now the whole family buss. 303 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:22,239 Yeah, they are. 304 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:23,919 I need your help, bro. 305 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,879 You need my help? 306 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,199 You should have said. 307 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,080 Let's buss. Yeah. My brother. 308 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:32,519 We'll work on that. It's... 309 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,599 Three shops closed down this week, man. 310 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,079 The high street's decaying, bruv. 311 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,439 Yeah, but the thing is, mate, 312 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,079 you can't recreate what we do online. 313 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,599 That's the beauty of it. Yeah, true. 314 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:41,719 Wait. What? 315 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,439 Oh, look, the vultures have showed up. 316 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,919 Actually, we just came to say we're really sorry about... 317 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,359 ..closing down and stuff. 318 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,200 Right. That's why you've got the trolley. 319 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,959 Ha, so... You get me? We was thinking, yeah... 320 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,000 What do you want? 321 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,920 Um, them PC units for a start? 322 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:02,800 Nice. 323 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,679 Also, I dunno if you know or have heard, 324 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,719 but I'm now manager, if you're looking for any work. 325 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:12,239 Oh. Sports Depot? Yeah. 326 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,399 Fuck, no. 327 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,799 No. I've lost my job, not my self-respect. 328 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,239 Sure, no worries. 329 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:19,639 What do you mean, "Sure, no worries," bro?! 330 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:21,879 Rate yourself, fam! 331 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:23,920 Oh, is... is that kangaroo going spare? 332 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,040 G'day, mate. 333 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,320 PHONE BUZZES 334 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,919 Er, no phones on the shop floor. 335 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:34,759 No, it's fine, I'm sexting. 336 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,839 How do you spell "basic missionary"? 337 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,559 Give it here. 338 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,600 Key to a good sext is to keep it a bit mysterious, bit cheeky. 339 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,879 Wait. What part of, "I'm wet as a fucking river," is mysterious? 340 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,359 Don't be a prude. 341 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:51,959 He's not going to talk to me again. 342 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,439 Ugh. Why would you want to talk to him? 343 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,039 Far as I'm concerned, a good man shows up, delivers the goods 344 00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:58,359 and pisses off without a word. 345 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:02,479 I know, but I think I'd rather feel, like, a bit more romantic? 346 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,199 That's like a postbox. 347 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,800 - PHONE CHIMES - Ah. 348 00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:07,439 You've got yourself wrong'un there. 349 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:08,719 Cherish it. 350 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,719 Great. Thanks, Jemma. Now he wants to see my tits. 351 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:12,919 That's good. 352 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,119 My tits always look sad. 353 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,880 Like they've had really bad news. 354 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,039 We should just go to Technation, man, they'll buy anything. 355 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,319 That's a good idea, actually, 356 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,199 I'm friends with Ian, the manager. Russell! 357 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,479 Russelly Bobs! 358 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:29,359 Hey. Um... word on the high street is that someone's had a promotion. 359 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,559 That's mad, cos I... I got a promotion today, didn't I? 360 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,879 Yeah, no, that's what I'm... saying. Yeah. 361 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,319 So we can afford to take me to London now. 362 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,599 Gonna tear up the bag floor at Selfridges. 363 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,839 No, but you... you dumped me this morning. 364 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,359 Is that what you took from what I said? 365 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,039 No, you... you just don't listen, do you? 366 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,199 Anyway, do you know my lovely flatmate, Sophie? 367 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,199 Yeah. It's her aunt's funeral tomorrow. 368 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,879 Oh, my God. It's a good thing. 369 00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,599 Means I've got the place to myself. You should come over. All right. 370 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,399 And now I think it's time for us to take things to the next level... 371 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,719 ..sexually? All right, listen, I'm out! 372 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,839 It's too much information. 373 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:03,880 Definitely. 374 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,919 WHISPERS: Don't forget the condoms. I never do. 375 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:08,239 I've always got them on me. 376 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,599 Don't bring this. No, I won't. 377 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:10,640 Hate donkeys. 378 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,759 Mulenga! 379 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:14,900 We're gonna have sex! 380 00:15:14,901 --> 00:15:16,039 HE EXCLAIMS 381 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,399 Can't wait. 382 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,800 I've got a bit of a boner now. Mad. 383 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,799 A new leader has arisen! 384 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,239 "Team leader." A king is born. 385 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,159 Russell the manager. Congrats. 386 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:32,799 Thank you, sir. 387 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,919 Listen, if you ever need to chat, manager to manager, 388 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:37,199 come to me. 389 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,359 But can we still talk about normal stuff, or is it... 390 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,679 Yeah, but it'd be... manager to manager. 391 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,319 Manager to manager. Got you. 392 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,559 So, bossman, yeah? 393 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,440 I'm thinking we're saying grand apiece? 394 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,559 Sure. I mean, yeah, it is 1992. 395 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,239 I'll stick them next to the hi-fis! 396 00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,799 I hate this prick, you know. Don't embarrass me, man. 397 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,239 This is, you know, Technation, you're meant to buy anything. 398 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,719 Look at this crap. 399 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,959 Yeah, but nothing this old. 400 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,399 There's a fag burn on that one. 401 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:03,960 The lads'll never let me live it down. 402 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,319 Are we talking manager to manager here, or what are we talking? 403 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,679 Yeah, I respect you as a manager. 404 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:10,319 Yeah, well, I respect you as a manager. 405 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,879 Manager brothers? Please stop this. 406 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,639 I've... been a manager for longer than you. 407 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:14,839 Technically, yeah, but really, 408 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,519 I've been on the high street longer than you. 409 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,159 Retail years. Ah, listen, let's go, man. 410 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:19,839 You men need to stop all this chitter-chatter. 411 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,159 All right. I'll see you online tonight. Yeah, definitely. 412 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,119 I'll be on at nine. 413 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,559 Ah, I can't wait to go on my lunch break so I can, you know, 414 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,279 tell my dad about being manager. 415 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,799 You know when you're manager, you can, like, 416 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,040 take breaks whenever you want? 417 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:34,959 Oh, yeah. 418 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:39,959 All right. Guys, I'm taking my lunch at 1.38pm. 419 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,159 Fucking unheard of. 420 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,960 Pockets! Oh, yeah. Sorry. 421 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,959 No more searches, remember? 422 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,760 See you in a bit. See you later, bro. 423 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,840 Hey, wait, what you man doin'? Run, Mulenga! 424 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:57,759 Not many people are lucky enough 425 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:00,559 to say they've got the shortest commute in Peterborough 426 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,559 and still get to live with their dad. 427 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,600 I do. 428 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:09,199 Oh. You all right? My son, the shop manager. 429 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,759 Can't believe it. Yeah. 430 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,159 Yeah? Mad, innit? 431 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,120 Bit of bubbly to celebrate. Ah. 432 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,520 Cheers. Cheers. 433 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,519 Hold on, they're my trainers. 434 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,199 I haven't even worn them yet. 435 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,920 Oh, yeah, sorry, son, I just, um... 436 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,079 ..I just wanted to look me best for me job interview, you know? 437 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,439 OK. How did it go? 438 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,039 I didn't go. 439 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,279 All right, well, I need to ask you something anyway. 440 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,280 Yeah, I-I did not sell your PlayStation. 441 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,400 I... 442 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,679 I'm taking Clare out for a date tomorrow. Uh-huh? 443 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,319 And, uh... 444 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:43,919 ..I want to make it special, 445 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,439 so I was thinking... 446 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,759 ..maybe I could get her that Adidas Gazelle. 447 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:51,319 Russell, women don't give a shit about trainers. 448 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,720 - Just... - HE SIGHS 449 00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:54,840 Wait there, yeah? Yeah. 450 00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,600 Where is my PlayStation? 451 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,439 Here. 452 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:05,680 Take this. 453 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:10,240 It was your mum's. 454 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,239 Are you sure? Yeah, course I'm sure. 455 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,559 You can see the... chip where it hit the pebbledash. 456 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,039 No, I mean, are you sure I can have it? 457 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:21,479 No, I've no stock to it, she's probably not coming back. 458 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:22,559 Thanks. 459 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,879 I'm going to need you to take those trainers off, though. 460 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,359 Oh. Yeah. 461 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,639 Spoken like a true shop manager. Yeah. See you later. 462 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,719 And put them back in the box as well, don't... Yeah. 463 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,559 Aw, for f... They're... 464 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:33,600 ..brand-new. 465 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:40,199 Look at this. 466 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,719 You can't be giving her a ring, Russell. 467 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,279 It's basically a proposal. 468 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,319 No, it's not a proposal. 469 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,439 Unless she wants me to propose, then I will. 470 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,999 But make sure you get a prenup. 471 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,239 Mm. Cos you know what Kanye West said? Mm. 472 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,719 "We want prenups, we want prenups, yeah." 473 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,239 Look, I'm not going to propose, but... 474 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,759 ..she said, "man up," and that's what men do. 475 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,119 We buy gifts. 476 00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,879 That is some old Boomer bullshit, Russell. Man up? 477 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,719 Yeah. No-one says to me I need to lady up, do they? 478 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,399 I mean, they probably should, though, cos you've been out here, 479 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,879 lipsin' randoms dressed as a alien and shit. 480 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:14,599 Put it in the till, OK? And think about it 481 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,759 for more than ten minutes. Yes. All right. All right! 482 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,520 Don't have to do all of life's milestones in one day. 483 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,959 Mogs has gone, so I can play a little bit of PlayStation. 484 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,000 Nice. 485 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,760 But you're on break, though, right? 486 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:39,799 Yeah. 487 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,679 So I'll see you on the... 488 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:42,880 ..shop floor in a minute? 489 00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:54,039 I'm trying to do selfies, but I'm not getting very sexy vibes in here. 490 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,000 You know there's a used nappy in the corner? 491 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,120 - JEMMA SIGHS - Just do the elbow trick. 492 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,639 Give us here, Right. Get your elbow out. 493 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,119 Mm. OK. 494 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,160 Bend it. 495 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,160 Doesn't really work with hairy arms. 496 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,160 Well. Send it anyway. 497 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:18,999 PHONE BUZZES 498 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,199 SHE GASPS 499 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,559 Batman's got a massive hard cock! 500 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,759 You're kidding. No! 501 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,199 Yay! 502 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,080 That's great, innit? Get in! 'Ave it! 503 00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,200 Come on! 504 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,919 Why have I sent my son to buy three-for-two boxers 505 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,639 and he comes home with this? 506 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,119 Yeah. Mulenga? 507 00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:40,479 Mulenga? Yo. 508 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,999 I don't think we can sell computers here, 509 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,039 unless they're Sports Depot computers. 510 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,439 Do you remember when Debbie got sacked last year for selling stuff? 511 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,800 Yeah, but that was handjobs in a changing room. 512 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,719 Yeah, I mean, sort of the same, 513 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,399 because they weren't Sports Depot handjobs. 514 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:01,119 Can't imagine anything worse than a Sports Depot handjob. 515 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:02,519 Like, how does that even work? 516 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,199 You just stimulate the base? 517 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,920 My refund. Can we... Yeah. 518 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,119 OK. 519 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,120 Hold on. Have you seen my ring? 520 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,319 What have you lost, dickhead? 521 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,160 My mother who abandoned me's ring. 522 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,359 If only there was a tried and tested method 523 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,519 to stop things getting stolen in the workplace. 524 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,559 Yeah, but no-one would steal here, because we're all like a family. 525 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,799 Give people an inch and they'll take a mile, Russell. 526 00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,239 I'm sure you've had plenty of experience giving an inch. 527 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,959 Yeah, I've got loads of inches, don't I, Mulenga? 528 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,439 Don't involve me in that, bro. 529 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,279 And it's wide. How wide? 530 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,199 Like, I can't get my whole hand around it. 531 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,639 It's just as wide as it is long. 532 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,480 I'm sorry, is anyone in charge in here? 533 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:48,319 Amber? 534 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:52,279 I know you thought it was a bad idea for me to give Clare that ring. Mm. 535 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,199 You didn't take it, though, did you, so I wouldn't get back with her? 536 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,719 Oh, it's a bit of a delicate moment here, Russell. 537 00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,679 A close shave, if you know what I mean? 538 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,959 Just in case things go well with Batman tonight. 539 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,119 Right, yeah. I actually shave Clare's legs sometimes, 540 00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:06,399 when she lets me. 541 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,279 The trick is, er, go with the hair growth. 542 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,239 Not being funny, Russell, but can you fuck off? 543 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,479 Everything else all right? You need anything? 544 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:16,039 Just... if you've got any plasters, that would be great. 545 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,280 Just for all the blood and the fake tan everywhere. 546 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,039 HE SIGHS Why did I let my dad talk me out of 547 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:25,839 buying Clare those trainers? 548 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,999 They'd be so much easier to find than this fucking ring. 549 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,199 It's my mum's ring, but... 550 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,199 Sweet Russell... Oh. 551 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,319 Let me take all this stress away. 552 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,839 God, your breath, what have you eaten? 553 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,559 It's tuna. 554 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,439 Let me take control. 555 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,279 It's rightfully mine. 556 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,960 I'd get your ring back like... 557 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,439 Have you got nothing better to do than to come in here and wind me up? 558 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,399 No. I'm relentless. 559 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,719 I won't stop until I'm inside you. 560 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,279 Oh, that's... 561 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:56,519 ..that's weird. 562 00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,239 Bring the searches back, Russell. 563 00:22:58,240 --> 00:22:59,319 We need order. 564 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:00,999 I just need the ring back. 565 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,559 I know where it is... 566 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,600 but... I need you to show me how much you want it. 567 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,359 How? 568 00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:10,760 Do a little dance for me. 569 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,359 No, I'm not... Ah, you nearly did it! 570 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,999 You make me physically sick. 571 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,240 It's in Amber's bag. 572 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,679 You found what you're looking for, then? 573 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,919 What? No, I... thought this was my bag. 574 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,519 I thought you weren't going to treat us like thieves. No, I'm... 575 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,239 Ugh, I didn't think you'd turn into a prize dickhead this quick. 576 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,160 You said you were going to be a pushover, Russ. 577 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,999 No, I definitely didn't say that. 578 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,039 I'm going for a smoke. Yeah, that's a good idea. 579 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,239 Obviously not with you, Russell! Yeah. 580 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,760 Obviously not with me. 581 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,560 I thought I said don't let anyone in here? 582 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,240 People say a lot of things, Russell. 583 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,600 - What does that even mean? - PHONE RINGS 584 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,479 Hello, Sports Depot Peterborough, Russell speaking. 585 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:11,999 Russell? George Allen. 586 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,439 Hey, George. You on top of everything, there, yeah? 587 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:16,359 Uh... yeah? 588 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,799 Yeah, just got a bit of, um... 589 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,439 It's like a fat tongue thing going on. 590 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,279 I think it's stress. Welcome to management. Everything gets bigger. 591 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:23,799 Yeah. Should see the size of my arse. 592 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,879 Listen, I had some woman calling me up 593 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,919 telling me that you've been selling computers to her son. 594 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:32,359 Ah, no, that's just a big misunderstanding. 595 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:33,599 Right, good. Glad to hear, 596 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,319 cos we can't have another handjob situation on our hands. 597 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:37,759 Oh, definitely not. 598 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,919 Just stay on top of things there, yeah? Will do. OK. 599 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,599 And try not to get pregnant, yeah? 600 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:42,839 THEY LAUGH 601 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,320 - Or ill! - RUSSELL LAUGHS 602 00:24:44,323 --> 00:24:46,199 No, I'm serious about that one. Oh. 603 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:47,399 Get ill and you're out. 604 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:48,920 Great chat. Laters! 605 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,759 Amber! Oh! I didn't know you worked here. 606 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,159 Oh, my God, it's my cousin. 607 00:24:58,160 --> 00:24:59,439 What, you lot are related? 608 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,119 Yeah. Damn, man, bad genes. 609 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:03,239 Ha. Hey, listen, you got a phone charger back there? 610 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:04,799 I'm meant to be meeting this girl. 611 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:06,199 Phone's just died. 612 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,279 Who is it? Probably know her. 613 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:09,959 I got no idea. Oh. 614 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,359 I met her at this mad Halloween rave. 615 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:13,959 She's been sending me... 616 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,000 ..weird nudes. 617 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:19,599 Yo... 618 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,959 ..you weren't dressed up as Batman at this rave, 619 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,599 was you, little cousin? 620 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,000 Yeah. What, y... Were you there? 621 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,079 Hey, Batman, 622 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,760 meet Sexy Alien! 623 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,599 Wha... You'll save money in the wedding, 624 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:38,039 cos, you know, your side and his side... 625 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,719 Aw... ..are the same side. 626 00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,120 That's hilarious. 627 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,479 Are you not gonna lips? I've got... HE RETCHES 628 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:46,640 I've got to go. 629 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,360 Hi. There you are. 630 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:54,759 All right? 631 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,839 I'm a cousin-fucker, Russell. 632 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,559 I'm a cousin-fucker. 633 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,320 At least he didn't stand you up. That's... good. 634 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,639 Check this out. 635 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,239 Oh, God. Look at this. 636 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:08,639 What is that? 637 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,279 Keep you going till you get to go to Oz in real life. 638 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:12,359 Kangaroo. 639 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:13,959 I hate it. 640 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:15,559 Thanks, though. 641 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,239 I can't stay in Peterborough now. 642 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,439 Could you, um, cover for me tomorrow so I can get my passport, please? 643 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:22,159 Tomorrow? 644 00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:23,720 I'm seeing Clare tomorrow. 645 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,040 OK. 646 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:31,479 I'll cover for you tomorrow. 647 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:35,119 I'm sorry for going through your things. It's bang out of order. 648 00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:36,879 We're like family. 649 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,559 Don't talk about family right now, please. 650 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,159 When Clare told me to man up, 651 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,879 I think she meant, like, be more manly... 652 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:44,920 Russell! 653 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:47,359 Russell! 654 00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:50,279 ..but I think maybe there's lots of other ways you can man up. 655 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:51,919 Take a look at this lot! 656 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,239 Like Mulenga making huge moves as an entrepreneur. 657 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,239 ยฃ500 for the lot! 658 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:58,479 Woohoo! 659 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,439 Well, at least they're out the storeroom. 660 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,439 Or covering for Amber. 661 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,119 I probably won't do that again, though, 662 00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:06,680 cos it's absolutely shat on my chances of getting laid. 663 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,399 Sometimes manning up is trying not to be jealous, 664 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,119 cos Clare says that's a form of gaslighting. 665 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:16,080 I'm definitely not jealous. 666 00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,399 Sometimes it's taking a tough lesson from a colleague, 667 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:22,759 because you know, deep down, 668 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,960 that they really respect you and want you to succeed. 669 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,239 I think I've found my true calling 670 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:30,440 and it's being a manager. 671 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,359 So, you've sorted out your shoplifting problem? 672 00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:37,039 Oh. The lads? 673 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,199 We are talking about you, naughty bastard! 674 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,239 I don't want any of my staff getting physical. 675 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,319 Ah! 676 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:43,439 So just confront them... 677 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,799 What's gone wrong in your life that's brought you here? 678 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:47,239 ..but not physically. 679 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:48,799 Ah, my nose! But stop them... 680 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,559 Could be the start of your retail career. 681 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,879 ..as a family. Thought you said your brother was a dealer? 682 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,199 He doesn't let me smoke, cos obviously I'm only 14, so... 683 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,879 You're 14?! 684 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:57,959 We're fucked. 685 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,920 MUSIC: God's Plan by Drake 80834

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