Original subtitles

Your comrades will be men who need…

only one order.

"Go, kill, return, go again."

We're going to be taking a guest with us.

His first name is Randolph.

His second name is Churchill.

So you're going to just drive into Benghazi

and plant explosives?

I'm now 25!

What will you say to your father when we get back to London?

I will say holy, holy…

I have 20 of the toughest

finest paratroopers in the French army under my command.

Compagnie! Formation!

Paddy, perhaps you would like to inspect your men.

You are a German in a Frenchman's uniform.

Expect to be isolated by my contempt.

I'm German too.

Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Deutsche.

This is Aspirant Halévy.

He speaks German as well.

He is Jewish. - I am a hand grenade, sir.

Pull the pin, throw me where the enemy is most numerous.

And how is Dudley Clarke responding to all the glory?

It seems he is impatient for your destruction.

We are apparently the talk of Cairo.

I'm going to ask GHQ for Jeeps

Vickers machine guns, explosives more men.

Now is our moment.

At the western desert battle and the fall of Tobruk

disappointment another defeat after so many defeats.

With Egypt the naval base of Alexandria…

our last hope of fighting back in the Mediterranean.

If Malta falls…

Africa is lost.

— Oh… — Can't be relied upon to do it yourself

and besides some of the infected places

would be very difficult for you to reach.

I don't want you going into

— …any of those places. — Shh, shh, shh.

You go nowhere the sunlight does not go.

Unfortunately, in the desert the sun goes everywhere

and the sand.

It's the grit that does the damage.

Oh, God…

— …argh! — Shh, shh.

Do you remember collapsing?

Uh…

I remember hearing Tobruk had fallen

and then I fell.

And I remember getting very drunk.

And dancing at…

the Empire Club.

You were leaning, not dancing.

You stood on the table and told everyone you loved me.

Dear God. Love?

Oh, I do apologise.

Must've been the whisky.

It was delirium, sunstroke…

deep tissue infections

accumulated during three months in the deep desert without a break.

While I was delirious I had this rather mad delusion

that I should officially confirm

that you are my girlfriend.

Officially?

As if it were a military rank.

Quite.

And as my temperature rose I thought I might propose marriage.

But in the cold light of day…

It's never cold in the day in Cairo.

Well, in the light of day, I suppose it would be rather odd

to propose to a woman whilst she removes puss

from open wounds in your infected groin.

If that is rather odd I'd hate to see very odd.

Well, very odd would be me talking about the subject at all, Eve, but…

if I were to propose…

If you were to propose I would remind you

that there is a war going on which we are losing.

I have nothing else on my mind.

You need to be on top form for your meeting with your prime minister.

Try not to walk like a duck.

Turn over for me.

Absolutely not.

No… no!

"Adolf" by Arthur Askey ♪ Adolf, you've bitten off ♪

♪ Much more than you can chew ♪

♪ Come on, hold your hand out ♪

♪ We're all fed up with you ♪

♪ Cor, blimey! ♪

Julius Caesar!

Act one, scene, er… two.

"Let me have men about me that are fat."

"Sleek-headed men and such as sleep o'nights."

"Yon'd Cassius has a lean and hungry look."

"He thinks too much.

Such men are dangerous."

Come on, Winston. Next line.

"Fear him not, Caesar.

He is not dangerous.

He is a noble Roman, and well given.

He reads much he is a great observer

and he looks quite through the deeds of men."

You are Major David Stirling.

L Detachment SAS, sir.

This is the famous Phantom Major.

This is Field Marshal Jan Smuts

Prime Minister of South Africa

and General Auchinleck you know.

You were walking in a little awkwardly, Stirling.

Have you been wounded? - No, I, uh…

I have desert sores

all over my cock.

Most crucially…

I have one four inches up my arse.

Oh!

Can I pinch a light?

Sorry, I've been in the desert a long, long time.

One loses propriety very quickly.

When my son reported back to me about you

he quoted Lord Byron.

"He is the mildest mannered man

whoever scuttled a ship or cut a throat."

We are a band of oddities gentlemen and pirates.

I brought you into the garden

to tell you that now more than ever your new brand of warfare is needed.

Auchinleck has been too cautious.

Tobruk has fallen and Rommel is now 50 miles outside of Alexandria.

Malta is our last remaining hope

for controlling the Mediterranean

and supplying our North Africa armies.

Now, Malta is still under siege.

It has been hammered and hammered

but it has not surrendered.

My wish…

is that the Island of Malta be saved.

I intend…

to send two convoys of relief supplies

from Gibraltar and Alexandria.

These convoys must get through.

And what exactly would you like me to do?

I want you to not ask that question.

Do whatever you think best to achieve this goal.

You have a free hand

from Tripoli to Greece.

To Greece?

I've told General Auchinleck

that the whole of the south Mediterranean coast

is now your remit.

If you succeed

I will recommend to Army Council that the SAS become a regiment

not a phantom regiment, but a real one

with you as commanding officer.

Yes, sir, it…

It would be… - It would be what?

I would be achieving what I set out to achieve, sir.

Now…

exactly how serious is your cock and arse condition?

It's, uh… it's nothing that kind hands and iodine cannot resolve.

Well, then we must set you to work straight away.

What will you need?

I will need your autograph, sir.

My autograph?

A souvenir.

To remember the day.

Of course.

My autograph.

Do you have a pen?

Pen, yes.

General Auchinleck.

Prime Minister.

Stirling would like your autograph.

He wants your signature.

A souvenir of the day.

Sir, a blank sheet of paper

signed by the two of us could be used for—-

Just sign it, General.

Thank you.

Stirling.

Forget the etiquette of war.

Do whatever it takes.

Prime Minister I hope you know what you're doing.

Of course I know what I'm doing.

I'm letting slip the dogs of war.

"You Started It" by Bench Kids

♪ That's it, you started it ♪

♪ You started it ♪ - ♪ Wanna play, wanna play again? ♪

♪ Your move, what to do ♪

♪ What to do ♪ - ♪ Wanna play, wanna play again? ♪

Bloody hell.

I'm gonna shoot the wee ballbag!

Oh, for fuck's sake!

Well, well, well.

Nice 'tache, Errol.

Is this, uh, Agincourt or Orléans?

It's Orléans, sir.

Well, I'm afraid the game is over.

I have new instructions from Prime Minister Winston Churchill.

Go to the mess hall and take off all your clothes.

‘Ere you are, boys. Winston wants to see your winkies.

Firstly, I have asked you all to stand naked

because this gentleman is a doctor Dr Gamal.

He is a man I've known for a very long time and whom I trust implicitly

even when he's high out of his head on his own laughing gas.

He is very discreet. Go on.

I've brought him here from Cairo to make sure you men are all fit and ready

for what lies ahead.

The first task I have given him

is to inspect you all for desert sores

and open ulcers which many of you have

and conceal, as I once did.

So we need you all to be fit because, gentlemen

our moment of truth has come.

Dear God, man.

I'm, u h J Ss orry, Sir

That's no desert sore, Doctor. I can hear Dave at night.

I'm sorry, sir.

We are about to embark on a mission

from which I would estimate one third of us will not return.

In 48 hours, two convoys are taking supplies to Malta.

Hitler will throw every plane he has at them.

Our job is to destroy as many of those planes on the ground as we can

before those convoys set sail.

We are going to simultaneously attack six airbases

along the Mediterranean coast

from Benina, in the west…

to Heraklion, in the east.

Yes, Paddy?

What business do we have in Crete?

Our sphere of operation has expanded.

How the fuck do we get to Crete?

In a submarine.

And how the fuck are we gonna get a submarine?

I've already got a fucking submarine.

As well as 50 extra Jeeps to go with the 50 already promised

which will all be fitted with Vickers heavy machine guns

and bulletproof windscreens taken from fighter planes.

We also have 20 new trucks.

Beretta submachine guns adapted for sand conditions.

Replacement engines for all our vehicles, with cooling systems.

And just wait until you see what the twin Vickers can do.

And the good wishes of the King via the Commander in Chief

of British Forces, North Africa.

But firstly, whose cock did you suck in Cairo, sir?

Right, those of you with ribbons

go with Dr Gamal.

He will remove the infected flesh with a toothbrush.

When you are brushed, bandaged up, pumped full of painkillers

amphetamines and sulphur

we will begin

our glorious expansion.

Yes!

Ja.

Whoa-ho-ho!

God almighty.

From here on in, I'm going to keep my toothbrush on me at all times

so that Dr Gamal doesn't get to it first.

Six targets.

Who's going where?

Well, Paddy, you…

will take Berka satellite airfield number one.

While, Zirnheld, you will take Berka satellite airfield number two

so that you can compete with one another

for most number of planes destroyed.

Captain Berge…

you will board the submarine Triton

and travel to the Gulf of Malia off the coast of Crete.

You will be met by Captain Alexander Norton.

Together you will attack the airstrip at Heraklion.

Who will take Derna and Martuba?

They're 190 kilometres behind German lines.

You will take Derna and Martuba.

Intelligence have provided us with a stolen German truck.

Yes, and I have offered the services

of Bruckner and Essner, our two native Germans.

Essner? - Yes, Essner.

What is it, Paddy?

If it were me crossing frontlines into German territory with…

Sergeant Essner

I would keep a Colt .45 revolver in very close proximity

to the back of his head at all times.

Pas mal, Paddy.

I mean, look at my friend here.

Before he left for Cairo, he was like a pirate.

Now there's a different look about him.

Too many pats on the head from generals has made you dizzy, boy.

Counting airstrips like a rich man counting coins.

Oh, you have great difficulty with approval, don't you, Paddy?

You'd just rather play the renegade. —- I see a new ambition.

There is no time to be unambitious.

Convoys are setting sail for Malta.

Shh!

You don't know who might be listening to you.

I know my fucking…

Colt .45 at all times!

Fuck you.

David, I assume you'll be taking the remaining airstrip.

Benina. —- Benina.

Aye, right, Benina.

The biggest airstrip of them all.

More Kills in bloody Benina

more bangs and fuel at Benina.

Given himself the best as per fucking usual.

Oh, yes! That's right, Paddy, and I'm bringing back the blackboard.

Now, you should know I'll be taking no part in counting dead bodies.

Nobody's asking you to, you white-flag-wagging

shite-the-bucket, you—- - Paddy.

Tonight, we are soldiers with one goal. We fight as one or we fail.

Including the two Germans, Paddy.

Do not think that I did not see you refuse Dr Gamal's ribbon.

Go and get your fucking ulcers scrubbed before we depart

and that is an order.

I remember when this regiment used to be unknown and unobserved.

Christ, we used to be some craic back then. - Hmm, well, we're not a regiment.

Not yet.

Ah…

now I get it.

We will be reckless in pursuit of your own lofty ambition!

Yes, that's right, Paddy! Exactly right.

The prize has been offered, the game is on.

And we will win if we do this my way.

When the rest of you fuck up, I'm answerable to myself.

Ja.

Good luck, lads!

Come on, boys, let's crack on.

Good luck, old chap.

Race you to Berka.

Our biggest jolly yet!

Let's go!

Frenchie!

This is where we split!

You're going northeast!

And Frenchie, remember!

You don't fire a shot until the moon sets!

May the best man win.

Aye, right.

Bon. Allez…

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Silence.

Shh, shh, shh.

Grazie.

Prends ca.

Roll out the barrel.

The gang's all here.

Those are your disguises, gentlemen.

Got a bit wet when the tide came in.

Hung 'em out to dry.

Everyone on this island wears black

to mourn the death of the Messiah.

You're Norton, I presume?

Yes. Better get into costume.

Curtain up in 45 minutes, chaps.

Messieurs, en avant.

Pistols only, gents.

We don't wanna draw attention to ourselves.

What fuses do we use tonight, boss?

Tonight, we don't use fuses.

So what do we do?

They used to call people whose minds were altered

by the moon "lunatics".

Tonight, we will raise a little bedlam with our new toys.

I have had an idea. — Oh, fuck.

We'll wait here until the moon sets.

We've seen Nazi-occupied Europe.

For every German we Kill, there may be a reprisal.

Don't think about it, old boy.

Just do it.

Right, this is where we split up.

Bonne chance. - Good luck.

Come on.

Right, prepare to attack.

Bring them on.

Ah, for fuck's sake.

Think Zirnheld might have gone a tad early, sir?

Very free.

Very French.

Fuck, I knew it. Bravo, Stirling.

There goes Malta.

Paddy?

Paddy?

Paddy, come on, you know we can't do this.

You have to stand down.

Paddy, I could give the order.

Let the French have this one.

We can get 'em another day, Paddy.

Maybe the others will have better luck.

We're standing down, boys. Back to the rendezvous point.

Fuck's sake.

Verdammt.

Scheisse…

Abend.

Huh?

Oui. - Vite, vite, vite.

Hey, hey!

Los raus!

Raus hat mich gesagt.

Vite!

Vite!

Sors!

Courage!

Go, go, go!

Now, fly like geese!

Butcher and bolt!

Sarge, they're unarmed!

Kraut bastards!

Come on!

Johnny, how old are you now?

I don't add unarmed men to my tally.

Restez la.

Blues nearly home, lads.

Now, any score?

Anything for your famous blackboard?

Fifteen Stukas.

Eighteen Messerschmitts.

How about you?

Nothing.

Premature ejaculation on part of the French.

Ah.

Who's back?

You, me, Zirnheld and Jordan.

You did well.

Why is there no jollity?

Jollity?

Because…

we caught them off-guard.

Shot at them rather like you at Tamet.

Armed or unarmed, they are the enemy.

Yes?

I asked you a question

Captain Mayne.

Yes, sir.

Armed or unarmed, they are the enemy.

I was wrong about Essner.

The traitor was Bruckner.

The whole unit wiped out except Jordan.

Death sits easy on your shoulders, comrade.

Turns out…

we drink from the same well after all.

"It Don't Mean A Thing" by Duke Ellington

If you're drunk, please go away.

If you're sober, I will throw you off this balcony.

I've stopped drinking, completely.

Right. - Three months.

I need to speak to you.

Yes, Il… I've found someone.

Someone who's prepared to tolerate the sharp words and harsh impulses.

You nearly killed the son of the prime minister.

Yes, well, vodka does, uh…

does make some poor decisions. - Yes.

I would apologise but, um…

Well, after you've heard what I have to say

you won't remember anything I said before. - Ah.

When did you get back to Cairo?

Yesterday.

Have you been trying to contact Eve?

I called her but there was no reply. I thought she might be here.

Yeah, Eve was, um…

flown over to Alexandria three days ago

on the orders of General De Gaulle.

She set off back to Cairo yesterday afternoon.

I think she was wanting to be there for your arrival

and she hitched a lift from a mail plane.

There was a terrible sandstorm east of Alexandria last night.

And the pilot took evasive action but, uh…

well, the Chief of the Cairo Bureau said that the plane went down

in the Qattara Depression.

Wreckage hasn't been located yet.

So sorry, David.

I mean…

Of course.

I'm so, so sorry, it's just… - What else?

Everything I touch, boom, gone.

There no more.

Would you like me to order you a…

order you a car? — No.

No, I'm just… I'm just waiting for it to catch up.

It's never real, the first minutes.

She was a remarkable woman.

Terribly bad luck, isn't it, I suppose.

Just when we had something to celebrate, I mean…

You should go home.

I was going to take her dancing.

Dancing.

Well, I'll be at the bar. I'll, um…

When you're ready to leave, I'll order you a car.

Oh…

So, gentlemen…

news of the real world beyond our jolly little circus.

We are fewer than we were, but…

those men we lost gave their lives in a winning cause.

The relief convoys which set sail for Malta one week ago

consisted of 17 ships.

Fifteen of those ships were sunk by German aircraft

but two ships

made it through to Valletta.

Two heavily laden supply ships with food

medicine, weapons and ammunition.

Malta is saved.

Come on!

Africa is saved from fascism

because of you.

Because the planes you destroyed are the planes

that would've sunk the two ships that made it.

But, in the words of Winston Churchill, this is not…

the beginning of the end.

This is the end…

of the beginning.

While we were saving Malta

our American cousins finally finished their extended round of golf

and decided to join in and give us a bit of a hand.

Well, about fucking time.

Too right.

The Americans are landing their first attachment of elite troops

at Casablanca and will head east.

We will gather our forces in Egypt and head west.

The Germans and the Italians are in the middle.

It would be foolhardy to think that any of our forces can make it

all the way through enemy lines to link up with the Americans

but we are fools.

Famous fools.

So that is exactly what I am going to try to do.

I shall enter the lion's den in search of a potential supply line

through Gabeées Gap to link up our two armies.

The rest of you continue your fantastic work

making Axis aeroplanes go pop and bang in the middle of the night.

While I was in Cairo, I got a note from GHQ.

The special air service known as L Detachment

is now…

officially…

a British Army regiment.

- I owe you a shilling then! - Come on!

- That's on the house, mate. - We did it, gentlemen.

We did it.

Congratulations, sir.

Hurrah for the new Colonel, lads!

- Hip, hip! - Hooray!

- Hip, hip! - Hooray!

Well done, Reg.

Well done. - Yes.

Congratulations, boys.

Pleasure.

Dear Mother.

You may have read in the papers the good news about Malta.

I don't want to come the swank or be pomposo

but I want you to know that I had some part in making this happen.

And you should know that you and father had some part

in making me the soldier who could play that part.

Meanwhile, my holiday in the sun continues to be eventful.

Yours in victory, your loving son, David.

Go.

Kill.

Return.

Go again.

Ambush, right!

Fuck! Stop it!

Stop! Sadler, run!

Sir, fucking move!

Phantom Major, drop your weapon.

He's got to surrender.

If he shoots, he's dead. Fuck's sake.

Shit.

Drop your weapon.

Last warning or we will shoot.

Shh!

March.

What the fuck are we supposed to do now?

Uh…

I suppose we better go and find some Americans.

Come on. Head down.

"Wish Me Luck" by Gracie Fields

♪ Cheerio, here I go, on my way ♪

♪ Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye ♪

♪ Not a tear but a cheer, make it gay ♪

♪ Give me a smile I can keep all the while ♪

♪ In my heart while I'm away ♪

♪ Till we meet once again, you and I ♪

♪ Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye ♪

♪ Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye ♪

♪ Cheerio, here I go, on my way ♪

♪ Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye ♪

♪ Not a tear but a cheer, make it gay ♪

♪ Give me a smile I can keep all the while ♪

♪ In my heart while I'm away ♪

♪ Till we meet once again, you and I ♪

♪ Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye ♪

Vehicle approaching!

This came in from GHQ Cairo, sir.

"Stirling captured at Gabeées Gap.

Stop."

"Overall command of SAS regiment all units to pass to Ma…

Overall command of SAS regiment all units to pass to…

Major Robert Blair 'Paddy' Mayne."

They've made you a Major and put you in charge, Paddy.

The mad bastards have put you in charge of fucking everything.

Now the blood will flow.

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