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1
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,122
Hey, there they are.
2
00:00:35,165 --> 00:00:37,820
So, guys, as you know,
I am about to have a baby.
3
00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,996
Wait, right now?
4
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,868
Don't just sit there.
Push, Chip, push!
5
00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:44,479
[chuckles]
6
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:46,872
Are you finished?Yeah, I'm done.
7
00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,526
[laughs]
8
00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:50,354
So, once Leslie and I
have this baby,
9
00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:53,009
I'm not gonna be able to rage
with the fellas anymore.
10
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,403
Are we raging? This is raging?
11
00:00:58,362 --> 00:01:01,757
So I'd like to put together
a poker game
12
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,846
at my place tomorrow night.
13
00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:05,369
Of course I'd like
to invite you both,
14
00:01:05,413 --> 00:01:06,979
but I searched the Bible
15
00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:09,591
for some, you know,
definitive rule about gambling,
16
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,723
and I couldn't find
any mention of poker.
17
00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,812
Uh, oodles of sodomy,
but no poker.
18
00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:15,901
GIL: [clears throat]
Well, poker as we know it
19
00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:18,643
didn't exist until the 1800s,
20
00:01:18,687 --> 00:01:21,037
when crews in the basements
of riverboats
21
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:24,258
helped spread the game
down the mighty Mississip.
22
00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:28,175
You see, Chip, I'm, uh...
I'm something of an expert.
23
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:30,525
Never believe an expert
24
00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:33,005
who tells you
riverboats had basements.
25
00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:36,618
It's not
a black-and-white issue,
26
00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:39,621
as is the case
with many things in the Bible.
27
00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:41,797
Smoking, music, dancing...
28
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,886
Wow, I didn't know
those were gray areas.
29
00:01:43,929 --> 00:01:45,322
Well, except for
the dancing part.
30
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:46,715
You guys seen Footloose,right?
31
00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:48,630
Seen it? I lived it.
32
00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:50,197
Fade in.
33
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:54,679
A young Gil Ableman
discovers his love of dance.
34
00:01:54,723 --> 00:01:57,639
Only problem is
Gil's papa don't like dancing.
35
00:01:57,682 --> 00:01:59,423
No, sir.
36
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:02,818
Gil's papa don't like dancing
37
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:05,473
onebit.
38
00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,698
Anyway, no.
Uh, there isn't anything
39
00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:15,657
specifically against poker
in the Bible, Chip,
40
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,267
so you can have your game.
41
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,835
And, oh, yes, we'll be there.
42
00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:22,185
And if the feeling
comes over us to dance...
43
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,013
Gil, enough!
44
00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:26,058
♪
45
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:28,017
Good morning,
Ms. Meadows.
46
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,192
Can't chitchat.
47
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,238
My girlfriend is mad at me
48
00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:34,197
for liking a Rihanna bikini pic
on Instagram.
49
00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:36,068
As if Rihanna
is gonna see my "like"
50
00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:38,245
and then fly me out to Barbados
for the weekend.
51
00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:41,204
Oh, I always like a picture
of Rihanna in a bikini.
52
00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:43,772
If I don't like them,
she might stop posting them.
53
00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:45,252
I can't take that chance.
54
00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:49,952
Now she wants me
to unfollow Rachel Maddow.
55
00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:53,042
"I would rather die."
56
00:02:53,085 --> 00:02:54,826
Uh, you know,
relationships can be tricky...
57
00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:55,871
I said no chitchat.
58
00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:00,571
Hey, Vince, you play poker?
59
00:03:00,615 --> 00:03:03,313
Sure. I'm more of
a Hungry Hungry Hippos man,
60
00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:05,054
but you knew that, Chip.
61
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:07,274
Why?
62
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:08,492
Well, before my college buddies
63
00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,190
all started having babies,
we used to have
64
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,279
a really fun guys' night,
where we'd pound a bunch
65
00:03:12,322 --> 00:03:14,368
of vodka lemonades
and belt out some karaoke
66
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:16,674
and just, you know,
really be there for each other.
67
00:03:16,718 --> 00:03:18,676
That's a girls' night, Chip.
68
00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:22,680
Anyway, I-I want to start
my own guys' night,
69
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,682
you know, before Leslie and I
have our baby.
70
00:03:24,726 --> 00:03:26,510
So, can I count you in?
71
00:03:26,554 --> 00:03:28,251
Sure. Who's coming?
72
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,645
Uh, so far it's just
my priest and my rabbi.
73
00:03:30,688 --> 00:03:33,169
[laughs]
74
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:35,737
Oh, you serious.
75
00:03:36,912 --> 00:03:38,435
Chip, that sounds awful.
76
00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,176
Carson Daly gets better guests.
77
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,787
Come on, I really want you
to hang with my new friends.
78
00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:44,006
It'll be a blast.
79
00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:46,269
With a priest and a rabbi? How?
80
00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:48,402
I won't be able
to use my fun words.
81
00:03:48,445 --> 00:03:50,273
No, you can still use
your fun words.
82
00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:52,841
I mean, you know,
maybe not your reallyfun words.Mm-hmm.
83
00:03:52,884 --> 00:03:55,887
I heard something
about a poker night?
84
00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:57,498
I suppose
85
00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,064
my invite got lost in the mail.
86
00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:00,892
Everybody knows I love poker.
87
00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,112
Hi, Warren.
88
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,288
Uh, actually, no, I didn't know
that you love poker.
89
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,551
Well, I just told you.
So you did know.
90
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,989
What time shall I arrive?
91
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:12,252
[laughs]:
Come on, really?
92
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:13,905
I mean, do you even like me?
93
00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:15,080
I do not.
94
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:19,476
But, as previously stated,
I do love poker.
95
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:22,914
Or are you writers too fancy
for the lowly security guard?
96
00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:24,742
No, man, we're not,
we're not too fancy.
97
00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:26,266
Oh, but I am lowly?
98
00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:30,182
Warren, we would love
for you to come, okay?
99
00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:32,184
It's at my place tonight
at 7:00.
100
00:04:32,228 --> 00:04:35,231
I'll see if I can move
some things around.
101
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:47,548
Aw, there she is.
102
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,377
[both sigh]
103
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:53,423
How was work?
104
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:54,598
Not great.
105
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,948
A man proposed to me
mid-colonoscopy.
106
00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:58,210
Ugh.
107
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,347
Well, good news. Uh...
108
00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:07,916
I just read something in the
Bible that gave me a great idea
109
00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:10,614
for helping lighten your load
once the baby comes.
110
00:05:10,658 --> 00:05:13,138
Ooh, does it say
that we should get a nanny?
111
00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:14,096
Ooh.
112
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:15,445
Can she have a British accent?
113
00:05:15,489 --> 00:05:17,099
Ooh. Can it be Mrs. Doubtfire?
114
00:05:17,142 --> 00:05:20,494
[chuckles] No.
But the Bible does say
115
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:23,540
that parents should be available
for their children at all times.
116
00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:25,325
So I got to thinking.
117
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:28,197
Why don't you just quit
your stressful job
118
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,721
and stay at home
with our super cute baby?
119
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,508
Huh?
120
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,814
You want me to quit my job?
121
00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:38,207
I-I thought you'd be excited.
122
00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:40,340
I mean, you come home
from work every day
123
00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:41,732
completely worn out,
124
00:05:41,776 --> 00:05:44,169
and, plus, we'd save
a ton of money on day care.
125
00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:46,215
I mean,
it makes a lot of sense.
126
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,086
But if we're going off
what makes sense,
127
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:49,740
I make more money than you.
128
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:55,137
So why wouldn't you quit
your job?
129
00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:04,842
Oh, you're very angry.
130
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,716
Man, I thought
I was being the hero here.
131
00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:10,152
I mean, I... I just assumed
132
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:12,807
you'd quit your job
'cause you're the...
133
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:17,855
The what, Chip? The woman?
134
00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:18,856
[doorbell rings]
135
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:21,076
Oh, hey,
the guys are here!
136
00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:23,687
Guess we'll never know
what I was gonna say. [chuckles]
137
00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:26,821
Oh, we'll talk about what I know
you were gonna say later.
138
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:30,433
Fake smiles in three, two, one.
139
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:32,130
There they are![chuckles]
140
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,568
Come on in!
141
00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:36,221
Wow, that's a lot of teeth.
142
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:39,747
Hey, Les. How's everything?
143
00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,444
Good, except Chip wants me
to give up my career.
144
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:42,750
Can I get you guys
anything to drink?
145
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:43,490
[Chip groans]
146
00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:45,056
Soda.
147
00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:52,194
I brought homemade dip.
148
00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:54,892
You're welcome.
149
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:57,504
Wow, Warren.
Um, it looks...
150
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,201
Is it used?
151
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,073
Why is it so heavy?
152
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:06,251
Why is it fizzing?
153
00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:07,818
It looks angry.
154
00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:12,040
Surprise, surprise.
155
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:14,912
The fancy writers
are also dip snobs.
156
00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:18,133
Father, you'll try
some of my dip, right?
157
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:21,266
Oh, uh, sure,
I'll try it.
158
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,225
Uh, you close your
eyes, I'll try it,
159
00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:24,835
then you can open
them up again.
160
00:07:24,879 --> 00:07:26,924
LESLIE:
Chip.
161
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:30,711
I'll be in the bedroom,
if the Bible is okay with that.
162
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,801
So, I'm getting
my own soda or what?
163
00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:39,589
All right, guys. So, since
our poker expert over there
164
00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,330
forgot to bring
the poker chips...
165
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,725
...the long pretzels
are a quarter,
166
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:46,596
twisties are 50s,
167
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,816
honey mustard,
obviously a dollar.
168
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,557
Crap, I'm eating money?
169
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,516
All right, boys.
The game's no-limit hold 'em.
170
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,779
The blinds are one and two.
Flops are gonna be nasty,
171
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,999
and pocket rockets
gonna get cracked. [chuckles]
172
00:07:58,042 --> 00:08:00,567
Hold on to your butts.
It's time to play.
173
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:06,137
Well, I should go
check on Leslie.
174
00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:08,009
I'm not sure if you guys
picked up on it
175
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:10,098
when you got here,
but she's a little mad at me.
176
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,578
No, get out of here.No, really?
177
00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:12,840
I picked up on it.
178
00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:15,538
That woman is mad as hell.
179
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,671
[doorbell rings]
180
00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:20,325
Uh, uh, don't get up.
181
00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:21,936
Wouldn't want
to interrupt guys' night.
182
00:08:21,979 --> 00:08:23,590
WARREN:
See?
183
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:24,852
Mad as hell.
184
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:29,117
All right, let's do this!
185
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,119
Ms. Meadows,
what are you doing here?
186
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:33,948
I was simultaneously
shocked and appalled
187
00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:36,124
to hear that Ms. Meadows
wasn't invited tonight.
188
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:37,647
So I took care of that.
189
00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:40,607
A priest, a rabbi,
RoboCop over here,
190
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,304
and now our boss.
191
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:45,307
Is this a poker game
or an escape room?
192
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,570
Wait a second.
This towering enchantress
193
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,964
is your boss?
194
00:08:50,007 --> 00:08:52,009
Lucky you.
195
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,668
Are we playing
cards or what?
196
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:02,150
I got three grand burning a hole
in my bra right now.
197
00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:04,935
$3,000?
198
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,676
We each bought in for $20.
199
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,983
20 bucks?
What are you guys, poor?
200
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:10,462
ALL:
Yeah.
201
00:09:10,506 --> 00:09:13,117
Well, screw this, then.
I'm gonna take my hooter loot
202
00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:15,685
and go down to Chinatown
and play in a real game.
203
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:19,123
Hey, you know what?
I would love not to be here.
204
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:21,604
How about you and I
have a girls' night instead?
205
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:22,866
I'm starving.
206
00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:24,651
Sure, Leslie,
let's go paint the town.
207
00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:27,218
We can pound a couple of beers,
eat some wings,
208
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:29,177
hit on chicks.[laughs]
209
00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:31,440
See, Chip? That's
a guys' night.
210
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:38,142
Today, 'cause of
some Bible passage,
211
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:41,493
Chip suggested that I quit my
job to stay home with the baby.
212
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:43,191
[laughs]: What?
Yeah.
213
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:47,804
As Chip's boss, I can guarantee
you make more money than him.
214
00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:49,980
As Chip's wife, I know.
215
00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:53,331
Listen, I was brought
up in the church,
216
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,377
and you are just
scratching the surface.
217
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:57,640
The Bible is so sexist
towards women,
218
00:09:57,684 --> 00:09:59,642
it could be an episode
of Entourage.
219
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,907
All religions are sexist.
220
00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:06,475
When I was trapped
in that cult, Kevin--
221
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:10,087
excuse me,
Supreme General Kevin--
222
00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:12,699
claimed the
Book of Xander-Moon
223
00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:14,831
said it was the woman's duty
to bathe him.
224
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,225
Bitch, like I can't see
the Book of Xander-Moon
225
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,488
was handwritten on the back
of your phone bill.
226
00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:23,971
What-what does
the Bible say, exactly?
227
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:26,016
I wasn't raised
religious at all.
228
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,235
See for yourself.
229
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:29,629
I just Googled "Bible
verses about women."
230
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:33,502
"A shameless woman
shall be counted as a dog"?
231
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:35,722
"The whoredom
of a woman may be known
232
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,724
in her haughty looks
and eyelids"?
233
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:40,161
Actual Bible verses.
234
00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:41,597
I can't believe this.
235
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,034
I also can't believe
"whoredom" is an actual word.
236
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:46,210
Yeah, like Jenna
from Pilates class?
237
00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:48,648
That whore dumb.
238
00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:53,740
All right.
Listen to this.
239
00:10:53,783 --> 00:10:55,785
Ephesians 5:22,
240
00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:58,527
"Wives, submit yourself
unto your husbands.
241
00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:01,835
For the husband is
the head of the wife."
242
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:03,314
"Submit"?
243
00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:05,447
Chip can't even pay bills
without me.
244
00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:08,015
"Uh, which one is
the routing number
245
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:09,494
and which is
the account number?"
246
00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:10,757
You're 40.
[snorts]
247
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,237
Yeah, well, brace yourself
for more of that.
248
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,892
My dad is a huge
Bible-thumper,
249
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,894
and when I got my
first writing job,
250
00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:21,942
he told me that the death of
society was a working woman.
251
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:23,508
That's terrible.
Yeah.
252
00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:26,033
But Chip is not like that; he
would never treat me that way.
253
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:27,469
No. [scoffs]: No.
254
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,341
But then again, I bet
you never thought
255
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:32,430
he'd stone an adulterer
either, right?
256
00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:36,086
That's true.
257
00:11:36,130 --> 00:11:38,045
Or ask you to
quit your job?
258
00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:41,004
Gracie! We're gonna need
259
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:42,440
two margaritas
over here.
260
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,964
Oh, I can't drink.
261
00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:45,139
Yeah, I know.
262
00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:57,586
GIL:
Uh...
263
00:11:57,629 --> 00:12:00,371
careful there, Chippy.
264
00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:02,199
You just gave away
265
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,548
the strength of your hand.
266
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:05,725
You see, many novice players
like yourself have
267
00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:07,814
what we professionals call
"a tell."
268
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:08,728
Hmm.
269
00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:10,251
[squeaks]
270
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,472
Damn it!
271
00:12:14,516 --> 00:12:16,605
[sighs]
272
00:12:16,648 --> 00:12:19,042
[groans] Leslie still hasn't
texted me back.
273
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,522
Hey, what'd you do, anyway?
274
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:23,307
Ugh. I mean, it wasn't really
even that bad.
275
00:12:23,351 --> 00:12:25,048
You know,
she came home from work
276
00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:27,181
really tired,
like she does every day,
277
00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:29,226
and I told her about
this Bible passage I read
278
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:31,098
and, you know, suggested
that she quit her job
279
00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:32,882
and just stay at home
once the kid's born.
280
00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:34,188
Ooh, that was dumb.
281
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,496
Mm. Yeah, now that I hear it
out loud, it sounds really bad.
282
00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:40,760
Well, listen, you know, your
heart was in the right place.
283
00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,718
Don't beat yourself up about it.
You'll fix it.
284
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,591
How is it that
we've been playing for an hour
285
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:48,376
and no one has so much
286
00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:51,509
as penetrated the protective
skin of my delicious dip?
287
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:55,992
I tried to, but
it hissed at me.
288
00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:00,257
This is a five-star dip.
289
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:01,911
And I'm gonna prove it
290
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:03,957
to you haters right now.
291
00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:12,269
[gulps]
292
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,967
[gags] Excuse me.
293
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:28,459
Well, I'm all in.
294
00:13:28,503 --> 00:13:31,462
Yeah, lots of honey mustard
out there, Gene.
295
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,464
You scared?
296
00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:36,076
I've been making eye contact
with Warren's dip all night.
297
00:13:36,119 --> 00:13:38,121
I'm not scared
of anything.
298
00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:41,472
Two pair.
What do you got?
299
00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:43,344
Ha! A straight!
Pay up!
300
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:47,087
That's not a straight.
301
00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,132
What?
Three, four, five, six, eight.
302
00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:50,438
Crap!
303
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:51,874
You cleaned me out.
304
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,963
You happy now?
305
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:56,879
I don't have to be happy;
I'm rich.
306
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:59,229
Out of money, out of pretzels,
I'm out of pride--
307
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:00,491
I'm out of here.
308
00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:04,931
I'm sorry for
slamming the door!
309
00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:06,889
I had a lovely
evening! Thank you!
310
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:12,155
[sighs]
311
00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:13,853
Stop checking
your phone, Chip.
312
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:15,593
Leslie's at
girls' night.
313
00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:18,074
I'm sure the last thing
they're talking about is you.[sighs]
314
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,076
And one more thing about Chip.
315
00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:23,166
He doesn't get to tell you
what to do.
316
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:25,168
You got to set his ass straight.
317
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:27,344
Yeah. And if it
doesn't work out,
318
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,912
you can join me on the
Magic Mike-themedcruise
319
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,044
I'm going on.
320
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:36,745
Honey, if it was Magic Michelle,
I'd be all over that.
321
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,355
[laughs]
322
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:41,184
You know what, I'm gonna go home
and let Chip know
323
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:44,057
that if he wants a biblical
wife, he is gonna get one.
324
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,885
Don't be scared, mama.
325
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:49,584
Leslie, buenas noches.
326
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,716
Hey, Gil. I got to run.
327
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,067
One thing real quick
before you go.
328
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:59,202
What's the deal with
Chip's boss over here?
329
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,204
Because the Gilmeister's
newly single
330
00:15:01,248 --> 00:15:05,469
and, yes, he's ready to mingle,
and that woman is tough.
331
00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:06,949
[chuckles]
332
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,604
And I'll say it, Leslie.
I like tough.
333
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:11,214
You know, when I was a...
334
00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:14,957
She's gone.
335
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,134
The Gilmeister's all alone.
336
00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:20,441
But he doesn't have to be.
337
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,276
Well, sorry, boys.
338
00:15:29,319 --> 00:15:31,278
I know this isn't much
of a guys' night.
339
00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:33,193
Um, maybe you two
can distract me.
340
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:34,890
Vince, what's been
up with you, man?
341
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,979
Oh. I'm dating this new
girl. It's going great.
342
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,894
Yeah?Last night, went
and saw a movie,
343
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,505
went back to
her place, and...
344
00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:51,472
Go on.
345
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:55,215
Then I walked her to the door,
346
00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:56,999
smiled and left.
347
00:15:58,479 --> 00:15:59,959
Because we're not married,
348
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,526
and that's what you do
when you're not married.
349
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:05,312
It's okay, Vince.
350
00:16:05,355 --> 00:16:07,967
Before I was a priest, I was
just a regular guy like you.
351
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,490
Ah, homie got the ladies.
352
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:12,536
Yeah.[chuckles]:
Yeah, homie did okay.
353
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:15,583
Well, there was one girl
I got serious with: Ava Porter.
354
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:19,152
I was playing in a Bon Jovi
cover band called Ron Jovi.
355
00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,502
[chuckles]
My buddy Ron
was the lead singer.
356
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:23,112
Decent chops.
357
00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:24,984
Mutton chops. Bad singer.
Anyway...
358
00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:29,292
I eventually saved up enough
money for an engagement ring.
359
00:16:29,336 --> 00:16:30,685
What? Genie!
360
00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,861
You were engaged?
I had no idea.
361
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:35,429
Oh, I can't wait to hear
how this turns out.
362
00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:38,084
I'm a priest, Vince,
so clearly not well.
363
00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:41,000
[laughter]
364
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:43,480
[groans]
Still nothing.
365
00:16:43,524 --> 00:16:46,483
I tell you, the Bible really
failed me on this one, Gene.
366
00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,137
Thanks a lot, God.
367
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,835
May be blaming
the wrong dude here.
368
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:54,622
Why do you always take
God's side?
369
00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:59,148
The Bible was written at a time
when men were in charge.
370
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:01,542
Now, in our society,
it's more fifty-fifty.
371
00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:04,371
You may want to try
a more modern interpretation.
372
00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:06,199
Like how I interpret
the speed limit.
373
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:09,028
They post the signs, and then
I just drive as fast as I want.
374
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:13,989
Not exactly.
375
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,512
But don't worry about Leslie.
376
00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:18,298
I-I'm sure she's calmed down
about the whole thing.
377
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,910
Good evening, husband.
378
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,608
Girls' night was great fun.
379
00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:26,567
Thank you for allowing me to go.
380
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:31,702
Then again,
I've been wrong before.
381
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,052
[door closes]
382
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,749
How was your game?
383
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,099
Oh. You didn't
bet me, did you?
384
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:39,232
I am your property, after all.
385
00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,887
This feels like a family matter.
I'm gonna go.
386
00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:45,020
See you Sunday, Chip.
387
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,021
Yeah.
388
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,457
Hey, don't leave me here.
389
00:17:49,024 --> 00:17:50,895
Want to get a nightcap?
390
00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:53,289
Does the Pope wear
a funny hat? [chuckles]
391
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:55,117
I honestly don't know.
392
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:03,082
Okay, Les, look,
393
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,214
about suggesting
that you quit your job...
394
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:06,563
No. Me first.
395
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:08,565
I have stood by you
and been supportive
396
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,393
since you started
this Bible thing.
397
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:11,873
Very supportive.
398
00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:14,397
Like, Anthony Weiner's
wife supportive.
399
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:18,575
Yes. You-you absolutely have.
400
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:20,316
And I don't want
to quit my job.
401
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,579
And I don't think that
makes me a bad mom,
402
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:23,928
no matter what
your book says.
403
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:25,321
No. What?
404
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:28,498
You could never
be a bad mom.
405
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:31,022
Okay? That's one of
the main reasons I love you.
406
00:18:31,066 --> 00:18:33,068
Right behind your slammin' bod.
407
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,636
I work out. Whatever.
408
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:40,249
No, but help me
out here, okay?
409
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:42,686
If you're following
the Bible 100%
410
00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:46,212
and the Bible says that a wife
must submit to her husband,
411
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:48,170
then what am I
supposed to think here?[groans]
412
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:51,347
Look, the Bible
is amazing, okay?
413
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:55,699
But when it comes to us,
I want to live by a more...
414
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:58,702
modern interpretation, okay?
415
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:02,184
A married couple
should submit to one another.
416
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,839
And so I submit to you, too.
417
00:19:08,669 --> 00:19:10,932
Okay. I like that.
418
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:12,934
Right? Look,
the only reason I suggested
419
00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:15,154
that you quit your job
was because I want our baby
420
00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:17,634
to grow up to be a good person,
and I just figured
421
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:20,289
that the best shot of that
happening is if it's around you
422
00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:21,986
as much as humanly possible.
423
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,468
Damn, you're good
at fighting.
424
00:19:25,512 --> 00:19:27,992
[chuckles]
425
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:29,994
[toilet flushing]
426
00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:43,530
For the love
of all that is holy,
427
00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:45,227
do not eat my dip.
428
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:05,943
[laughing]
429
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:07,815
Oh. Damn.
430
00:20:07,858 --> 00:20:08,990
My Uber's here.
431
00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:11,601
Good hang, Gil.
Thanks for the drinks.
432
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:15,126
Ms. Meadows...
you're a delight.
433
00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:20,262
Might I, uh, walk you home?
434
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:22,960
Walk me home?
435
00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:24,832
Like, to protect me?
436
00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:30,533
No, just a gentleman's gesture.
437
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:33,232
That could perhaps lead...Dude,
438
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:34,798
I'm a lesbian.
439
00:20:34,842 --> 00:20:38,193
Cool. I support that fully.
My mother's a lesbian.
440
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:44,286
But thanks.
441
00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:54,731
Tough break, Rabbi.
442
00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:57,821
But let's be real.
443
00:20:57,865 --> 00:20:59,475
She would've tore you up.
444
00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:03,479
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445
00:21:03,523 --> 00:21:07,483
and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
446
00:21:07,527 --> 00:21:11,531
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