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1
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:04,830
My name is Chip. Life's been
knocking me on my butt lately.
2
00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:07,094
My best friend died
out of nowhere.
3
00:00:07,137 --> 00:00:08,573
Oh, I'm really
gonna miss you, Ray.
4
00:00:08,617 --> 00:00:11,576
And my wife, well...Your girl's pregnant.
5
00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:13,230
I hadn't opened a Bible
in 20 years,
6
00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:15,711
but it's helped so many,
and I needed help.
7
00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,104
I've decided to live my life
8
00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:19,323
100% by the Bible.
9
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:21,282
To the letter.[laughs]
10
00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:22,674
I get that reaction a lot.
11
00:00:22,718 --> 00:00:23,936
But with the help
of my God Squad,
12
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:26,026
I'm becoming a better man,
13
00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:27,462
one verse at a time.
14
00:00:27,505 --> 00:00:29,116
I am living biblically.
15
00:00:32,815 --> 00:00:34,947
So I was playing Monopoly
with Vince and Leslie, right?
16
00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:36,123
I was the thimble.
17
00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:37,907
Anyway, they started
calling me names like
18
00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:40,997
"Jack Be Thimble" and
"Justin Thimble-lake"
19
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,347
and "Thim Belushi."
20
00:00:43,391 --> 00:00:45,436
Chip. Fast-forward, buddy.
21
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,829
Okay.
22
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:50,398
They just made me so mad
that I needed to beat them,
23
00:00:50,441 --> 00:00:52,922
so I cheated.
24
00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:55,838
Say a Hail Mary and
do not pass "Go."
25
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:58,406
You okay?
26
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:00,930
You seem upset.
27
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:02,888
Is this 'cause I just tooted?
28
00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:05,021
It's not.
29
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,416
Though I'm sure it will
be once it hits my side.
30
00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:10,026
And there it is.
31
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:16,859
You know what?
Say two Hail Marys.
32
00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:19,470
It's just that I've been guiding
you pretty much full-time
33
00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:21,777
on your living-by-the-Bible
journey and, frankly,
34
00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:24,954
I'm not getting a lot
of respect in return.What?
35
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:27,130
You were asleep during
my sermon on Sunday.
36
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:28,610
You noticed that, huh?
37
00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:31,134
Yeah. You came
for the 9:30 Mass
38
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:34,137
and were passed out through
the 10:45 and the noon.
39
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,879
So, I was at three Masses
and I'm still in trouble?
40
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,447
Sorry, Gene.
41
00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:41,492
It's just that it's the same
every week, you know?
42
00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:42,972
Stand, sit, kneel.
Stand, sit, kneel.
43
00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:44,756
"Peace be with you."
Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
44
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,062
Cracker, wine, out.
45
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,718
I-I hope you're not
taking it personally.
46
00:01:49,761 --> 00:01:51,720
Gene?
47
00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,504
Gene?
48
00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:58,074
Doesn't feel
great, does it?
49
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,120
♪
50
00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,342
VINCE:
Chip.
51
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:07,257
Leslie.
52
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:10,739
LESLIE:
Love the hat, Vince.
53
00:02:10,782 --> 00:02:12,915
Guess we can call off
that search for Carmen Sandiego.
54
00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:14,743
[laughs]
55
00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:17,224
CHIP: What are you
wearing that for?
56
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:20,618
Did Bruno Mars have
a garage sale? [laughs]
57
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,403
No, my Aunt Estelle
has been begging me
58
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:24,709
to get my ass to church,
so I'm going Sunday.
59
00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,582
I got this hat 'cause
I got to look fly.
60
00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:30,585
I'm trying to walk in there
looking like Steve Harvey.
61
00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:32,543
Survey says: sexy.
62
00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:34,328
[laughs, sighs]
63
00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:37,896
Wh-What's with all the frills?
Is it so God notices you?
64
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,376
God? [chuckles]
65
00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:41,596
No, I'm trying to get noticed
by the church cuties.
66
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,425
Those are the
best kind, man.
67
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:46,644
You got to put in some
time, a lot of time.
68
00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:47,993
But they're worth it.
69
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,734
They're not so churchy
when you get them home.
70
00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:53,173
[laughs]:
Oh. I got you. I got you.
71
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:54,609
Babe in the streets,
72
00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:57,568
Babe 2: Pig in the City
in the sheets, huh? [laughs]
73
00:02:57,612 --> 00:03:00,615
What about me made you think
I would get that reference?
74
00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:03,574
Hey, you know what?
75
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:05,620
My Bible journey's been pretty
one-note Catholic thus far.
76
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:08,188
You think it'd be cool if I came
to check out your aunt's church?
77
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:09,624
Sure, love to have you.All right.
78
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,582
Ooh. Does your church
have a gospel choir?
79
00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,497
Does this hat make me
look super cool?
80
00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:17,632
The answer's yes.
81
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,851
Then I am in.
82
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,637
What? You never come
with me to Gene's church.
83
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,813
Gene's church doesn't have
a gospel choir.
84
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:26,597
It's all organ,
all the time.
85
00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:28,295
It's, like, who does
the music there?
86
00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:29,731
The Phantom of the Opera?
87
00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:33,125
Okay, hey, hey, hey, look,
Mrs. Hooper's face-lift
88
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:34,736
might have gone
horribly wrong,
89
00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:36,607
but she can still
rock those keys.
90
00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:38,827
We will be there.
91
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,959
Love it. It's gonna be fun.Yeah.
92
00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:43,179
Okay, with that hat,
you got to show us
93
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,702
a little of
your Michael Jackson.
94
00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:47,314
[chuckles]
No. I'm not in the
mood to dance like...
95
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,318
[Chip laughing]
96
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,506
Ah, there's the
gospel choir.
97
00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:06,855
Think they
take requests?
98
00:04:06,898 --> 00:04:08,552
Only from God.
99
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:11,860
But don't worry,
he's an excellent DJ.
100
00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:15,690
Who are these beautiful
new faces, Vince?
101
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,692
Wow. Beautiful, huh?
102
00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:19,781
Gene never calls
me beautiful.
103
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,436
Chip, Leslie, this is
Pastor Berry. He is the man.
104
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,786
Welcome, Sister Leslie.[giggles]
105
00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,004
How you doing?
Nice to meet you.
106
00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:27,354
A handshake?
107
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:29,660
Why don't you just
slap me in the face?
108
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:33,316
This is hug country.
Welcome, brother.
109
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,752
Oh. [chuckles]
110
00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,667
Hey-hey, all right.
You hear that?
111
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,539
I'm a brother.
Take it easy.
112
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:41,759
Vincent! Baby! Oh!
113
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:44,893
I am so happy
to see you.
114
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:47,417
How long has it been
since you came to church?
115
00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:48,897
I don't know, Aunt Estelle.
Who keeps track?
116
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:51,334
I'll tell you exactly
how long it's been.
117
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,902
Nine months, three
weeks and six days.
118
00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:57,297
Oh, nice hat.
119
00:04:57,340 --> 00:05:00,125
May I see it for a moment?Yeah, look at that.
120
00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,911
No nephew of mine is gonna
be wearing a hat in church!
121
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,696
You look like a pimp.
122
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:07,437
That's the look
I was going for.
123
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,527
Chip, Leslie,
this is my Aunt Estelle.
124
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:11,702
She basically raised me.
125
00:05:11,746 --> 00:05:13,356
And more importantly,
she keeps mints
126
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,923
from the Chinese restaurant
in her purse.
127
00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:17,578
Ah!
Oh, Leslie.
128
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:20,537
Help me go set up
the bake sale table,
129
00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:22,887
so we can push a couple
of snickerdoodles.
130
00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:24,367
[chuckles]
131
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,804
You better eat
a couple, too.
132
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:30,155
Put a little jiggle
in your wiggle. [laughs]
133
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:31,809
Chip won't mind.
134
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,118
[clears throat] So, if
I want full immersion
135
00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:37,467
in the Baptist
church experience,
136
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:38,990
where should we sit?
137
00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:41,428
Uh, wherever she's sitting.
138
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:47,347
You better warn Leslie.
139
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:48,565
My aunt's gonna try
to convert her.
140
00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,001
Starts with a bake sale,
ends with a baptism.
141
00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:53,004
That's how she does it.
142
00:05:53,048 --> 00:05:55,398
Vincent told me about
Chip's Bible column.
143
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:58,140
What church do you go to?Oh, I don't go to church.
144
00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,882
[gasps]
145
00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:03,275
It's not a big deal; I just
didn't grow up religious.
146
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:05,321
[gasps]
147
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:08,542
Leslie, honey,
who were your parents?
148
00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:10,892
You need to find Jesus.
149
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:12,894
Oh. I didn't know
he was lost.
150
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:18,421
Was that a joke?
Because it wasn't funny.
151
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:23,426
Hey, um, do you know
when the choir starts?
152
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:26,255
Oh, so you like the choir?
153
00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:28,083
Well, I am in the choir.
154
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:31,347
Perhaps I can introduce you
to our director.
155
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:33,393
You know what his name is?
156
00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:34,524
Jesus.
157
00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,574
There are some new faces
here today.
158
00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,445
And they're some good faces.
159
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:43,533
Amen!
160
00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:45,361
ALL: Amen.
161
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,928
Everyone, please give
a warm welcome
162
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,799
to Sister Leslie
and Brother Chip.
163
00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,671
Oh. That's really nice.
164
00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:52,803
Thank you. All right.
165
00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:55,197
Hey, uh, can I
get an amen?
166
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,720
ALL:
Amen.
167
00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:58,940
I said, can I
get an amen?!
168
00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:01,203
ALL:
Amen.
169
00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:02,552
Can I get a sit down?
170
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:03,814
ALL:
Sit down.
171
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:07,427
[piano playing gentle music]
172
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:14,303
Hi, I'm Vince.
173
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:15,913
Nice to meet you, Vince.
174
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,568
You hear what she said?
175
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:21,484
Ah, you mean,
"Nice to meet you"?
176
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,399
Yup.
177
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,836
For a church cutie,
that's like third base.
178
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,316
[chuckles]
179
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:29,013
[music continues faster, louder]
180
00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:30,667
[congregation whooping]
181
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:34,366
♪ Stand up, stand up for Jesus
182
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:37,326
♪ Ye soldiers of the cross
183
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:38,501
Amen!
184
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:41,156
♪ Lift high his royal banner
185
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:43,201
♪ It must not suffer loss
186
00:07:43,245 --> 00:07:44,594
[whoops]
187
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,509
♪ From victory unto victory...
188
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:47,989
Vince! [laughs]
189
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:49,730
I'm whoo-ing in church.
190
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:51,514
[chuckles]
191
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:52,950
Now, if the Holy Spirit
192
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:54,691
is putting twitches
in your britches
193
00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:58,695
and ants in your pants,
get up and dance!
194
00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,175
What?
195
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,482
We can dance, too?
[laughs]
196
00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:04,179
I was happy just whoo-ing.
197
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:05,441
[laughs] Okay!
198
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,052
♪ Lift high his royal banner
199
00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:11,099
♪ It must not suffer loss...
200
00:08:11,142 --> 00:08:13,797
Amen! [laughs]
201
00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:15,451
Uh-oh.
202
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,758
Vince, I think the Spirit's
moving me to do the robot.
203
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:21,065
[grunting]
204
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:24,982
♪ And Christ is Lord indeed
205
00:08:25,026 --> 00:08:27,507
♪ Stand up, stand up for Jesus
206
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,073
Amen!
207
00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,640
♪ Ye soldiers of the...
208
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:32,599
[laughs]
I'm telling you, Gil,
209
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,601
Vince's church
was so much fun.
210
00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:35,819
I'm going again
next Sunday.
211
00:08:35,863 --> 00:08:38,387
Well, that sure does
sound like fun.
212
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:41,303
I wouldn't know, as I haven't
yet been asked to attend.
213
00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:43,305
Well, come on down.
214
00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:44,611
You're not gonna dance,
are you?
215
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:45,612
What? You don't want to see,
216
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,091
uh, any of my sweet moves, huh?
217
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:53,620
No, you're right.
I shouldn't dance.
218
00:08:53,663 --> 00:08:56,013
But you're a rabbi.
Won't you...?
219
00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:59,060
Burst into flames as I walk in?
220
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:00,844
No, I was gonna
say feel awkward.
221
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:03,194
No, I feel awkward everywhere.
222
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:05,240
Remember the dance I did
a second ago?
223
00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:07,372
Yeah.
224
00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:09,592
No, I-I'm a scholar of
all religions. I'll be there.
225
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,202
Well, I'm definitely
going back next week.
226
00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:12,987
I'm gonna ask that
church cutie to dinner.
227
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,945
Then six or seven
short months later,
228
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:17,600
church cutie sleepover
at Vince's place.
229
00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,211
Hey, guys!
230
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:22,344
Hey, hey.
Hey.
231
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:24,476
Ah, Chip. Missed you
at church this morning.
232
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:25,608
Where were you?
233
00:09:25,652 --> 00:09:26,696
Yeah.
234
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:28,480
I, uh, I went to Vince's church.
235
00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:29,656
Oh.
236
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:32,659
Oh.
237
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,836
Oh.
238
00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:38,099
Gene, what's up?
You run out of batteries?
239
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:41,624
Another church, huh?
240
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:44,540
Yeah. Um, is that cool?
241
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,630
Yeah. Of course it's cool.[sighs]
242
00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:49,676
Yeah. Cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool.
243
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:50,851
Cool, cool, cool.
Yeah.
244
00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:52,983
Oh, cool. All right, well,
245
00:09:53,027 --> 00:09:55,682
'cause I-I'm going back
next Sunday. [chuckles]
246
00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,161
Kewl.
247
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:08,956
I shouldn't care that Chip is
going back to that church.
248
00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:11,436
I'm not supposed to feel
jealousy; I'm a priest.
249
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:12,960
You're also human
and this is normal.
250
00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:14,222
I mean, uh,
251
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:16,528
you've been with Chip
since he started doing
252
00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:18,748
this whole thing,
and a lot's changed since then.
253
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:21,664
I've lost, like, 50 pounds, not
that anyone ever mentions it.
254
00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:25,668
When I do tell you you've
lost weight, you say,
255
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:28,105
"What, I was fat before?"
256
00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:29,759
Can't win with you.
257
00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:33,676
So I was fat before,
is that what you're saying?
258
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,678
I guess I'm just
a little insecure.
259
00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:38,202
Yeah, I'm a lot insecure.
You just called me fat.
260
00:10:38,246 --> 00:10:42,511
I mean, Catholic Mass
has largely been the same
261
00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,165
for hundreds of years.
262
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,820
Do you know how many people I've
lost to more modern churches?
263
00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:49,300
Some of them give
away swag bags.
264
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:52,782
You're going to church,
not the Oscars.
265
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:56,264
It's disgraceful.
266
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:58,701
What's in the bags,
like, little chocolates?
267
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,747
It's disgraceful.
268
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:05,577
I'm turning bread and wine into
the body and blood of Christ.
269
00:11:05,621 --> 00:11:09,320
I'm doing a magic
show up there.
270
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:12,062
Look, he'll come back to you,
man, you know.
271
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:14,456
He's like
a golden retriever.
272
00:11:14,499 --> 00:11:16,676
He's loyal, he's got
a gorgeous head of hair,
273
00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:18,068
and he's a little dumb.
274
00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:22,116
Hey,
275
00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:24,161
don't worry about being
like any other church.
276
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:25,946
Just be you.
277
00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:29,601
Not sure that's
gonna be enough.
278
00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:38,219
This is where you're supposed
to say, "It is gonna be enough."
279
00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:39,873
Oh, all right, I'm sorry.
Yes, you're--
280
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,091
Uh, it is gonna be-- What?
281
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,137
What did you want me to say?Enough!
282
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,921
All right,
I'm just trying to help.
283
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:53,713
Vincent!
Two weeks in a row!
284
00:11:53,756 --> 00:11:56,106
Oh, you get yourself
a purse mint, baby.
285
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,804
[laughs]
286
00:11:57,847 --> 00:12:01,068
And, Leslie, dear.
I am so glad you came back.
287
00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:02,809
You know who else came back?
288
00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:04,767
Jesus.
289
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,423
You are relentless, Estelle.
290
00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:10,599
Can I help you set up
the bake sale table?
291
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:13,994
You know who else was good
at setting up tables?
292
00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:16,170
Let me guess: Jesus?
293
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,999
No. My Uncle Ned.
294
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:21,175
But since you bring up Jesus...
[chuckles]
295
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,834
Oh, oh. Thank you.
Whoa. Oh, all right.
296
00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:28,835
Hey. Good morning.
All right.
297
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,401
What a very
welcoming church.
298
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:32,708
That was a better hug than I got
from my wife at our wedding.
299
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,666
Folks.
300
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,410
Gil, you talk to
Gene Machine today?
301
00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:41,499
He seemed a little weird
about me coming here.
302
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:43,806
Ah. You picked up on that.
Well, look-look.
303
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,939
It's a delicate situation,
but he'll be fine, trust me.
304
00:12:45,982 --> 00:12:47,418
I've known Gene a long time.
305
00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:51,379
Put it this way,
we met at a barbershop. Folks.
306
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:54,469
Yeah, you're allowed to see
other churches. You're gucci.
307
00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:57,733
"Gucci" means
good, Chip.
308
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,170
Oh. Thank you.
[chuckles]
309
00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:01,911
Yeah, you're right,
I got to stop feeling guilty
310
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:03,173
and just enjoy myself.
311
00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:04,958
I'm gonna ask the pastor
if I can do another,
312
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:06,307
"Can I get an amen?"
[chuckles]
313
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:07,917
Oh, have you tried one of these?
314
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:10,311
[chuckles]
It is very gucci.
315
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:16,621
Vince, this is a beautiful
place of worship.
316
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:18,623
A lot less Jews than
I'm used to, but...
317
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,974
[chuckles]
I can work with it.
318
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:23,193
Leslie said
the music's dynamite.
319
00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:24,760
Any favorite hymns?
320
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,806
I'm not here for hymns.
I'm here for hers.
321
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:32,028
Specifically, that her.
322
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:35,466
You know, uh,
I'm newly single myself.
323
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,817
I'm a bit rusty.
What's your opening line?
324
00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:38,818
Hi, I'm Vince.
325
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:41,690
Nice. Direct.
326
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,257
That might
really work for me.
327
00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:47,565
Hi, I'm Vince.
328
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,874
I'm having a lovely time
hanging out here
329
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:54,659
on Earth with you, Leslie.
330
00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:59,012
Be a shame if I couldn't hang
out with you in heaven, too.
331
00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:02,189
Oh, no. You're not
gonna kill me, are you?
332
00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:04,147
No!
333
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:06,193
But someday God will.
334
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:11,459
I just want you to end up
playing harp with the angels,
335
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:15,898
and not sizzling on
Lucifer's eternal barbecue pit.
336
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:19,119
Estelle, you
are the best,
337
00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:21,469
but don't waste your time
trying to convert me.
338
00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:23,514
I'm just never
gonna get there.
339
00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:25,908
Okay, honey.
340
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:28,041
One never knows.
341
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:31,044
God works in mysterious ways.
342
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:33,960
And so does Aunt Estelle.
343
00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,091
What?
344
00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:37,050
Huh?
345
00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:40,575
I'm a crime reporter.
346
00:14:40,618 --> 00:14:42,577
You read about the guy
that stabbed three people
347
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,971
at the party in Bayside?
That was me.
348
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:47,799
No, no, no. I mean, I wrote it.
I didn't stab 'em.
349
00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:51,455
[both laugh nervously]
350
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,936
Well, it was
a swing and a miss for me
351
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,633
with the young lady
over yonder.
352
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:57,200
It's like no one's
ever seen a rabbi
353
00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:58,985
in a Baptist church before.
354
00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,902
How's it going
with this one?
355
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,947
Gil, seriously?
356
00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:07,515
I-I'm sorry,
I don't mean to blow up,
357
00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:09,647
uh, anybody's, uh, spot.
358
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:10,997
[chuckles]
359
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,302
No, Vince is great.
360
00:15:12,346 --> 00:15:13,913
Uh, you know,
I'm-I'm going through a divorce,
361
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,045
and he's helping me
get back on my feet.
362
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:19,701
Aw, Vince, that's so nice.
I like nice guys.
363
00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:22,356
Do you, now?
364
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,880
Well, then it might also
interest you to know
365
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,708
that I'm teaching Gil
how to read.
366
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:30,059
That's right.
I'm quite illiterate.
367
00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:32,975
And I'm also blind.
368
00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:39,939
Sweet man.
Sweet, sweet man.
369
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,766
BERRY: Good morning,
brothers and sisters.
370
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:45,031
Take your seats, and make sure
your cell phones are off,
371
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:48,773
because God is not
calling you here.
372
00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:51,037
He's calling you right here.
373
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,953
Guys! Come on, it's starting!
374
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:57,826
God's cell phone plan
375
00:15:57,869 --> 00:16:01,090
has unlimited minutes.
376
00:16:01,134 --> 00:16:04,702
Can he hear you now?
You bet he can!
377
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,314
Can I get a amen?
378
00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:09,055
ALL:
Amen!
379
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:12,362
Yes. I just love it,
every time.
380
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,190
Any new faces with us today?
381
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,802
How about you in the back?
382
00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:19,543
Stand up and be recognized,
brother.
383
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:26,898
No, thank you.
384
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:29,597
Please, stand up.
We're a family here.
385
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,079
[sighs] Hello.
386
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,431
Father Gene?
What are you doing here?
387
00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:41,870
I don't want to talk about this
right now, Chip.
388
00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:44,916
Well, I-I think we should
talk about this right now.
389
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,309
Can I get an amen?
390
00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,137
Oh, no, you cannot.
391
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:51,401
Only I ask for the amens.
392
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:52,881
Can I get a amen?
393
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:55,927
ALL:
Amen!
394
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:57,668
See?
395
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,152
What are you doing here?
396
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:05,937
I thought you said
everything was "kewl."
397
00:17:05,981 --> 00:17:09,028
I wanted to see what you thought
was so great about this place.
398
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:11,639
Now I get it.
It's fun, exciting.
399
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:12,770
Oh...
400
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,123
I mean, that's hard
to argue with.
401
00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:20,126
And I'm happy you're-you're
growing in your faith
402
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:23,085
and getting some
different perspectives.
403
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:26,045
But I got to admit,
I was... a little jealous.
404
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:29,439
You were? About me?
405
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,093
Well, I'm flattered.
406
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:33,791
I always thought you just
thought of me as a nuisance.
407
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:35,228
Oh, I do.
Oh.
408
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:38,361
Huge nuisance.
[chuckles]
409
00:17:38,405 --> 00:17:40,407
But a lot of my friends
are nuisances.
410
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:42,061
You've met Gil.
411
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:45,064
Did you just say
I was your friend?
412
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,717
Well, yeah, of course.
413
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:48,763
I didn't realize
I had to say it.
414
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:52,071
Wow. You're my friend,
too, Gene.
415
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:54,856
I know. You don't
have to say it.
416
00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:57,119
Look, this church
is great, okay?
417
00:17:57,163 --> 00:18:00,253
But it is missing the most
important thing, and that's you.
418
00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:02,081
All right?
419
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:03,952
And you coming down here
all stalker style
420
00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:05,214
really reminded me of that.
421
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:09,262
I appreciate that, but
I wasn't stalking you.
422
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:12,352
I just followed you,
hid, and watched you.
423
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:18,488
That's stalking, Gene.
424
00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:23,145
I'm glad we met.
I moved here last year,
425
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:27,062
and it's been impossible
to meet nice guys.
426
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,977
Want to get lunch
after this?
427
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:31,675
That'd be nice.
Like me.
428
00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:33,242
ESTELLE:
Vincent!
429
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:36,027
Nice to see you
catching up with Tracy.
430
00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:37,768
Hi, Aunt Estelle.
431
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:40,162
Why you call her "Aunt Estelle"?
That's my Aunt Estelle.
432
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:41,990
I'm both your Aunt Estelle.
433
00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:46,995
What?
434
00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:48,562
Y'all are second cousins.
435
00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:50,607
BOTH:
What?!
436
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,959
You'd know that
if you came to church
437
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:59,138
more than every nine months,
three weeks and six days.
438
00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:05,187
You're my cousin? Ugh.
439
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:08,277
I don't think a "ugh"
is necessary.
440
00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:10,192
But yeah, ugh.
441
00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:13,413
Tracy.
442
00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:17,068
Might I throw my hat
in the ring?
443
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,418
I mean, I can't offer much,
444
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,202
but I can virtually guarantee
we're not related.
445
00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:24,946
Stay away from
my cousin, Gil.
All right.
446
00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:27,514
Hey. You seen Leslie?
I can't find her anywhere.
447
00:19:27,557 --> 00:19:28,819
Aunt Estelle figured out a way
448
00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,343
to keep her around
a little longer.
449
00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:32,171
[piano playing upbeat music]
450
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:37,611
♪ Every time I feel the spirit
451
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:39,308
♪ Moving in my heart
452
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:41,180
♪ I will pray
453
00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:44,792
♪ Every time I feel the spirit
454
00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:46,359
♪ Moving in my heart
455
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:48,404
♪ I will pray
456
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:52,234
♪ Yes, every time
I feel the spirit ♪
457
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:53,757
♪ Moving in my heart
458
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:56,282
♪ I will pray
459
00:19:56,325 --> 00:19:59,546
♪ Yes, every time
I feel the spirit ♪
460
00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:01,635
♪ Moving in my heart
461
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:06,683
♪ I will pray.
462
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:11,514
♪ Ay...
463
00:20:11,558 --> 00:20:13,560
[cheering]
464
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,094
As Matthew tells us
in his Gospel,
465
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:30,707
it is a foolish man
who builds his house on sand,
466
00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:34,711
but it is the wise man
who builds it...
467
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,278
on rock!
468
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:38,280
[playing heavy metal
guitar solo]
469
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:42,458
Yeah! I'm wide-awake now, baby!
470
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:47,637
Father Hendrix,
ladies and gentlemen!
471
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,683
♪
472
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:58,300
You know what?
This doesn't feel right.
473
00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,736
Open your hymnals.
474
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:01,782
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
475
00:21:01,912 --> 00:21:03,871
and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
476
00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:05,916
Captioned by
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