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1
00:00:01,871 --> 00:00:05,048
My name is Chip. Life's been
knocking me on my butt lately.
2
00:00:05,092 --> 00:00:07,311
My best friend died
out of nowhere.
3
00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:08,791
Oh, I'm really
gonna miss you, Ray.
4
00:00:08,834 --> 00:00:11,794
And my wife, well...Your girl's pregnant.
5
00:00:11,837 --> 00:00:13,448
I hadn't opened a Bible
in 20 years,
6
00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:15,928
but it's helped so many,
and I needed help.
7
00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:17,321
I've decided to live my life
8
00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:19,541
100% by the Bible.
9
00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,499
To the letter.[laughs]
10
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:22,892
I get that reaction a lot.
11
00:00:22,935 --> 00:00:24,111
But with the help
of my God Squad,
12
00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:26,200
I'm becoming a better man,
13
00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:27,679
one verse at a time.
14
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:30,813
I am living biblically.
15
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:35,035
Oh, Lord,
16
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:38,212
I thank you for this bounty
that I am about to eat.
17
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:42,129
I hope "bounty"
doesn't sound sarcastic.
18
00:00:42,172 --> 00:00:45,088
I don't know, saying
"tuna sandwich" in a prayer...
19
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:46,611
It's weird.
20
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,312
All right, close eyes.
[clears throat]
21
00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:54,532
Oh, Lord, please protect me
from the mayonnaise,
22
00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:56,447
which is two months
past the sell-by date,
23
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:59,059
but which-which
I firmly believe
24
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:01,148
is still safe to eat.
25
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:03,280
They just want me
to buy more, you know?
26
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:04,586
That's how they get you, Lord.
27
00:01:04,629 --> 00:01:07,197
Well, not you.
28
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:09,504
You being all-knowing
and everything.
29
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:10,505
Babe, eat the sandwich!
30
00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:12,333
[screams]
31
00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:14,857
You know, this isn't easy,
32
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,598
and if I'm gonna live
by the Bible,
33
00:01:16,641 --> 00:01:17,816
praying plays
a pretty huge part.
34
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:20,428
I mean, this thing
never shuts up about it.
35
00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:24,867
The thing is, my mom
is coming to visit tomorrow.
36
00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:26,912
Ah.
And, as you know,
my mom...
37
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:28,479
Has never liked me
and has always wished
38
00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:29,915
you'd married an astrophysicist.
39
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:33,354
No. She'd be fine
with a regular physicist.
40
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:34,572
[laughs]
41
00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:35,965
But let's face it,
42
00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:37,836
she's gonna be around more
once the baby's here,
43
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,316
and I want to raise
44
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,102
our kid in a home that is full
of peace and harmony.
45
00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:44,147
Well, that's easy. Let's just
not have your mom over.
46
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:47,629
[laughs] I'm kidding!
Of course, yes.
47
00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:49,718
I hear you.
I will try.
48
00:01:49,761 --> 00:01:52,024
But, you know, the woman
is no fan of the Bible.
49
00:01:52,068 --> 00:01:53,591
No, she's not,
50
00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:55,941
and you have
a Jesus key chain.
51
00:01:56,986 --> 00:01:59,380
Are you referring to Keysus?
52
00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:06,169
I just want her to understand
why I love you so much.
53
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:08,476
So, maybe while she's here,
54
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:10,652
you could, um, keep the praying
55
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:12,132
on the DL?[clicks tongue]
56
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,135
[sighs]
57
00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:19,661
[quietly]:
I'm sorry you had to hear that.
58
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:25,580
Well, I prayed as a kid,
sure, but...
59
00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:27,495
I'd just always get
so distracted.
60
00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:29,845
I mean, I'd start with
the "Hail Mary, full of grace,"
61
00:02:29,888 --> 00:02:31,499
and then I'd just wind up
thinking about
62
00:02:31,542 --> 00:02:34,719
Sigourney Weaver
in her tiny underpants in Alien.
63
00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:36,547
Save it for confession, Chip,
64
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:39,898
preferably on my day off.
65
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:42,162
But, man, I tell you,
trying to get back into prayer
66
00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:44,860
as an adult,
it just feels so awkward.
67
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:47,602
I mean, there's thousands
of ways to do it, you know?
68
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,778
Uh, out loud or...
69
00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:51,345
silently.
70
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,608
That was two ways.
71
00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:55,697
Both work.CHIP: Yes.
72
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,351
If I only think it,
how does God know
73
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,266
which are the thoughts
that I want him to listen to
74
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:02,704
and which are the "Sigourney
in her underpants" thoughts?
75
00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:04,575
God listens in
on everything.
76
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:06,577
He's like Gil
when I take a phone call.
77
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,579
That reminds me, I don't care
78
00:03:08,623 --> 00:03:11,147
for the way
your nephew speaks to you.
79
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,802
You're overthinking it, Chip,
80
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:16,021
which is... rare for you.
81
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,720
I mean, stop focusing
on the mechanics.
82
00:03:18,763 --> 00:03:20,548
There's no one right way
to pray.
83
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:22,593
It's not like treating
a nosebleed.
84
00:03:22,637 --> 00:03:23,507
Head forward.
85
00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:24,552
Head back.
86
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:27,337
Don't be so
self-conscious about it.
87
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:29,644
Y-You got to
surrender yourself.
88
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:30,862
Just keep at it. Trust me,
89
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,212
you'll-you'll know it
when you feel it.
90
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:33,648
Okay.
91
00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:37,129
Gene, if you tilt your head back
during a nosebleed,
92
00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:39,219
you're just guzzling blood!
93
00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:40,611
Yeah, you're putting it back
in the body.
94
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:41,873
I mean,
if you're tilting forward,
95
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:43,527
you're dumping it on the carpet.
96
00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:45,050
You want a bloody carpet?
I don't.
97
00:03:45,094 --> 00:03:47,270
Guys, you have to apply pressure
to the bridge.
98
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:50,534
Obviously, you have to apply
pressure to the bridge.What are we, morons?
99
00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:02,198
I don't know
what your problem is, man.
100
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,286
Prayer's easy.
101
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:04,722
You just do it, like so.
102
00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:07,159
Amen.
103
00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:08,987
And you think
God understood all that?
104
00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:10,206
Look at my life, Chip.
105
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:13,209
Oh, I got you.
106
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,602
Thanks, Chip. [chuckles]Yeah.
107
00:04:14,645 --> 00:04:16,734
Now I feel bad for eating
your sandwich yesterday.
108
00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,475
That was you?
109
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:20,738
Ease up on the
mustard next time.
110
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:22,610
Oh,
111
00:04:22,653 --> 00:04:24,307
I got you.
Take your time.
112
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,527
I don't like this new Chip.
113
00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:28,529
You used to close the
door on everybody.
114
00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:30,400
Old lady-- close.
115
00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:32,968
Me on crutches-- close.
116
00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:34,361
Yeah, I know.
117
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:36,493
But, you see, in Hebrews 13,
it says that I got to...
118
00:04:36,537 --> 00:04:37,973
Hebrews didn't know Meadows.
Close the door, close the door.
119
00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:39,366
Oh. I got you.
120
00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:41,193
Thanks, Chip.Yeah.
121
00:04:41,237 --> 00:04:44,414
At least someone in this office
is a considerate person.Oh!
122
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:47,199
Hit the stairs, toots.[sighs]
123
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,207
How 'bout this
weather, Ms. Meadows?
124
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:56,992
Not doing it, Vince.
125
00:04:58,036 --> 00:05:00,038
Okay.[elevator rattling]
126
00:05:00,082 --> 00:05:02,737
[all shouting, gasping]Oh.
127
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,827
All right, all right,
all right.
128
00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:07,394
It's no big deal.
129
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:08,395
No big deal?
130
00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:10,658
Chip, it's blue in here!
131
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:12,268
Just give it a second,
all right?
132
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,617
Nobody panic.[elevator rattling]
133
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,619
[all shouting, screaming]
134
00:05:15,663 --> 00:05:17,099
Whoa!
135
00:05:17,142 --> 00:05:18,666
Uh, no signal. Not good!
136
00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:19,971
You got a signal?
137
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,887
You picking up on this signal?
138
00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:26,674
CHIP:
All right, everybody.
139
00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:28,850
Just...
It's gonna be all right.
140
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:31,853
Okay? We got a help button.
141
00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:37,859
Huh. That's weird.
142
00:05:37,902 --> 00:05:40,862
Like I said, nobody panic.
143
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:43,778
[elevator rattling][all shouting, screaming]
144
00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:48,913
Let me out of here!
145
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:55,006
VINCE:
Hello!
146
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:57,357
Help!
147
00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:01,448
[sighs]
148
00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:04,102
I understand if you guys
want to eat me first.
149
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:09,630
Unless you guys
don't like Indian food.
150
00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:13,938
[sighs]
151
00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,377
Ms. Meadows?
152
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,944
I couldn't help notice you...
153
00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:22,033
Blair Witch-ingit up
over there.
154
00:06:23,687 --> 00:06:24,949
You all right?
155
00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:29,911
Yes, Chip. I'm fine.
156
00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:32,566
My issue is
just that I am
157
00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:35,177
absolutely certain that
we're all gonna die in here.
158
00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:38,093
We're gonna drop 15 floors, and
when they pry these doors open,
159
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:41,096
all they are gonna find is a
big pile of clothes and meat!
160
00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:43,185
It's hamburger time!
161
00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:44,795
No, no, no, no!
162
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:45,796
Guys, no!
163
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,711
Calm down,
all right?
164
00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:49,800
Nobody's gonna end up
a pile of meat.
165
00:06:49,844 --> 00:06:52,063
I'm dying a single man.
166
00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:53,413
How pathetic is that?
167
00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,415
Hey, I'm single.
[chuckles]
168
00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:57,417
Am I pathetic?
169
00:07:00,115 --> 00:07:01,159
That decides it.
170
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:02,552
If I get out
of this alive,
171
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:04,685
I'm calling my ex, Debbie,
the one who got away.
172
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,382
What? Debbie?
173
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,210
The one you said that
wouldn't stop smothering you
174
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:09,820
and then you dumped her
so brutally,
175
00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,170
she pushed you out of her car
while it was moving?
176
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:14,172
And then she got away.
177
00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:18,176
She's the closest I've ever come
to settling down.
178
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:20,178
[elevator rattling][all screaming]
179
00:07:20,222 --> 00:07:21,963
Pass the ketchup,
180
00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:24,313
'cause it's hamburger time!
181
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:25,401
[shouting]
182
00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:31,059
[Meadows groaning loudly]
183
00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:32,190
All right, come on, Ms. Meadows.
184
00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:34,062
Let's take some deep breaths,
okay?
185
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:37,413
Hee-hee-hoo.
Hee-hee-hoo.
186
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:41,156
Hee-hee-hoo the hell do you
think you're talking to, Chip?
187
00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:44,159
[rattling][screams]
188
00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:46,814
I do not do well
with stuff like this.
189
00:07:46,857 --> 00:07:48,816
[elevator rattling]Oh, God!
190
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,165
Somebody do something!
191
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:52,254
All right.
192
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:53,516
I'm gonna pray.
193
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,170
Somebody do something else.
194
00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:56,563
Come on.
195
00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,086
Everybody get up.
196
00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,218
[grunting]
197
00:08:00,262 --> 00:08:02,046
Everybody grab hands.[Meadows sighs heavily]
198
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:04,962
Can I get between
two girls, at least?
199
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:10,228
Nice.
200
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:14,494
[exhales]
Lord,
201
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,235
we turn to you
in our hour of need.
202
00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:19,629
We humbly ask
203
00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:21,239
that you deliver us from danger
204
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:23,067
so that we may see
our loved ones again.
205
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:29,204
Please, Lord,
grant us your mercy.
206
00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:30,858
Amen.
207
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,903
[elevator clacking]
208
00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:37,865
Everybody okay?
209
00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:40,258
It worked.
210
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:42,478
My prayer worked!
[laughs]
211
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,045
[all laughing, cheering]I felt it, Vince!
212
00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:45,786
I really felt it!REPAIRMAN: Hey!
213
00:08:45,829 --> 00:08:48,092
Hey, hey, hey!
214
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:49,137
I wouldn't jump up and down
215
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:51,095
till we stabilize
the hydraulics.
216
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:54,708
[exhales]
I felt it.
217
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,536
I really felt it.
218
00:09:00,191 --> 00:09:02,150
I mean, it was a miracle.
219
00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:03,891
I-I prayed,
220
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:06,067
and, for the first time, Gene,
221
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:07,764
I could really feel it.Chip, baby,
222
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,418
I am glad you're okay,
of course.
223
00:09:09,461 --> 00:09:12,421
But, um, just
help me out here.
224
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,249
Because you prayed,
225
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:17,469
God made a repairman
materialize to save you?
226
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:20,603
Well, I'm not saying
that, exactly.
227
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:24,128
It's very easy to be cynical
about these things.
228
00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:29,090
But...?
229
00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:30,874
I don't know. It just is.
230
00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:36,227
Well, Leslie is, uh, a little
prayer-sensitive right now,
231
00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,099
guys, 'cause her mom
is coming to town tomorrow,
232
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:40,231
and she's super atheist.
233
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:41,319
She's not super atheist.
234
00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:43,104
She's regular atheist.
235
00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:46,020
Well, she super
doesn't believe in the Bible.
236
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,325
That's regular atheist.
237
00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:50,981
Well, whatever she is,
she's not a fan of Chip.
238
00:09:51,025 --> 00:09:52,896
I know, why don't you
use your prayer powers
239
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,376
to get her to like you?
240
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:56,378
Why don't I just pray
for her not to come?
241
00:09:58,728 --> 00:10:00,904
Okay, I'll try
your thing.
242
00:10:02,123 --> 00:10:05,648
All right, let me reframe
this prayer discussion.
243
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:08,303
Leslie, we-we don't believe
that prayer is magic.
244
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:11,698
We-we think of it
as quality time with God,
245
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:14,048
a way to open
ourselves up
246
00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:15,963
and bring his grace
into our lives
247
00:10:16,006 --> 00:10:18,661
to help us when we need it most.
248
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:21,403
That's what Chip asked for
in the elevator,
249
00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:23,318
and that's what he received.
250
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:26,495
Boom!
[chuckles]
251
00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:29,019
So, God, was just gonna let
them sit in that elevator
252
00:10:29,063 --> 00:10:30,934
until somebody prayed?
253
00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:34,155
To paraphrase Thomas Aquinas,
254
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:37,854
to one with faith,
no explanation is necessary,
255
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:40,596
and to one without faith...
you know, enough already.
256
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,642
We get it.
Stop trying to push our buttons.
257
00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:55,567
There are a lot of Bibles
around here.
258
00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:58,048
[chuckles] Yeah, Mom.
Chip's got a few.
259
00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,616
He's got nine.
260
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,486
I haven't counted.
261
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,271
I have. He's got nine.
262
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:06,970
So how long does Chip plan
263
00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:09,494
on doing this
super religious thing?
264
00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:11,409
Oh, he's not super religious.
265
00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:13,629
He's just living 100%
by the Bible.
266
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,284
That's super religious.
267
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,721
Mom.
268
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,897
Listen, Chip and I
are really happy,
269
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:24,118
and this whole Bible thing is...
it's-it's really good for him,
270
00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:26,294
so please just
cut him some slack.
271
00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:28,688
Okay. I'll do my best.
272
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,298
Okay.
273
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:31,691
[sighs]
274
00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:35,433
Holy crap.
Here's number ten!
275
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,658
Thanks for lunch,
276
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,878
Vince-y Vince.
277
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,618
You're welcome,
Debbie-Deb.
278
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:49,317
You didn't have to come
all the way up here with me.
279
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,146
Oh, but I wanted to
see your worky-work.
280
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:54,061
[both chuckle]
281
00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:56,324
See you tonight.
282
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:03,157
I want out.
283
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,636
What?
284
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,943
I thought you said she was
the one that got away.
285
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,858
Now she's the one I want away.
286
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,079
I thought you said
you were a changed man.
287
00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,428
I changed back.
288
00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:15,822
Never pray for me again.
289
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:17,301
Just let me die.
290
00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:23,873
So, Chip, uh,
you write your column
291
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:26,310
as if you live by the rules
of the Bible?
292
00:12:26,354 --> 00:12:28,138
Well, not "as if," Diana.
293
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:31,185
I-I do live by the rules
of the Bible, strictly.
294
00:12:31,228 --> 00:12:35,058
You didn't turn water
into this wine, I assume.
295
00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:37,104
[laughs]
296
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:39,671
[Chip laughs harder]
297
00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:41,238
Oh. No.
298
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,066
Well, if you're asking,
"Are you Jesus?"
299
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:44,459
Then the answer is no.
300
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,678
Mom, you promised.
301
00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:49,246
What? I'm genuinely interested.
302
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,466
How does one live by the Bible?
303
00:12:51,509 --> 00:12:54,295
Do you go around curing leprosy?
304
00:12:54,338 --> 00:12:58,560
Also Jesus, uh, and I believe
it's already been cured.
305
00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:00,736
Yes, by a scientist.
306
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,346
Oh.
307
00:13:02,390 --> 00:13:03,695
Happy ending.
308
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,001
Chip, how was work?
309
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:06,394
Uh, it was good, you know.
310
00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:08,788
Not as miraculous
as yesterday, but...
311
00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,180
What happened yesterday?
312
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:13,357
I was trapped in an elevator,
and then I prayed...
313
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,142
Dinner's ready.
Let's eat.
314
00:13:15,185 --> 00:13:17,187
I didn't hear the oven ding.
315
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:19,146
Oh, we have one of those
silent ovens.
316
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:21,713
There it is again.
317
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:31,811
There's my Vince-y Vince.
318
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,421
Hey, Debbie.
319
00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:35,249
Uh, I don't know if I can
get away tonight.
320
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:36,772
It's just crazy here.
321
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,208
It is?
322
00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:43,387
So...
323
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:45,041
What you working on?
324
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:46,129
Oh, uh, uh...
325
00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:48,915
"Oh, God.
What have I done?
326
00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:51,265
"What have I done?
327
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:54,703
What have I done?"
328
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,400
I'm transcribing.
329
00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:57,880
Some murderer said that.
330
00:13:57,924 --> 00:13:59,186
Aw.
331
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:01,579
You're so silly,
Vince-y Vince.
332
00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:04,321
Come on. We're gonna miss
our rezzy vay-vay.
333
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,542
Rezzy vay-vay?
334
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:17,508
So, Debbie.
335
00:14:19,119 --> 00:14:21,469
Remember yesterday when I called
and said that...
336
00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:23,863
I was a brand-new man
and my whole life had changed?
337
00:14:25,299 --> 00:14:27,605
[clears throat]
338
00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:29,303
Here's the thing.
339
00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:32,045
Oh, my God.
340
00:14:32,088 --> 00:14:34,047
Are you breaking up
with me again?
341
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:36,919
[elevator rattling]
342
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:37,964
What's happening?
343
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:41,489
Oh, my God!
344
00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:44,100
I got to get the
hell out of here!
345
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:49,758
Hey, you.
346
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:53,631
As an astrophysicist,
347
00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:56,460
I find it difficult
to understand things
348
00:14:56,504 --> 00:14:59,507
that aren't based on evidence
and direct observation.
349
00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:00,900
Mm-hmm.
350
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:03,424
Just curious, how old do you
think the Earth is?
351
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:06,383
Oh, I'm still on board the whole
4 billion year train.
352
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:09,038
But it doesn't look a day
over four billion.
353
00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:13,913
And, Chip, do you really believe
354
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:17,307
that the Earth only took
six days to create?
355
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:18,482
I mean, they have
been building
356
00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:22,356
a Walmart by my house
for nine months.
357
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,445
Mmm. Yeah.
358
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:27,535
You know, Diana, look, you can
spend all night grilling me,
359
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,493
mocking my life,
360
00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:31,365
or you can just accept the fact
361
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:34,237
that I found faith
in something bigger than myself,
362
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:37,414
and it's making me a better
person, and a better husband
363
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,895
to your daughter,
and someday real soon,
364
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,028
a better father
to your grandkid.
365
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,291
Faith is what people turn to
366
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,510
when they've given up
on science.
367
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:51,646
Hmm. Hmm.
368
00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:54,475
No, I still have faith
in science, too.
369
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:56,825
Uh, tell me, though, Diana,
370
00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:59,349
w-what do people turn to when
their mother-in-law is a real...
371
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:01,395
Chip!
372
00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,442
Can you help me
get the casserole out of the...
373
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,618
hallway?
374
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:14,974
Chip, I have
worked very hard
375
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,497
to convince my mom
how great you are.
376
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,716
Doesn't the Bible tell
you to honor my mother?
377
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,370
No. It tells me
to honor "thy" mother.
378
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:22,459
"Thy" mother is my mother.
That mother is thou mother,
379
00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:24,418
and thou mother is
a pain in thy ass.
380
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:25,680
Honey.
381
00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:28,117
She is just baiting you.
It's what she does.
382
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:29,466
Just calm down...[crashing nearby]
383
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:32,078
Mom? Are you okay?
384
00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:33,601
DIANA:
I think so.
385
00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,385
What do you mean,
"I think so"?
386
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,257
Well... [sighs]
387
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:39,824
it's quite possible
I'm having a heart attack.
388
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:45,743
What's going on in there?
389
00:16:45,787 --> 00:16:48,050
What are you not telling me?
You don't think I can handle it?
390
00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:50,444
I'm a medical professional.
I am an adult.
391
00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:52,228
Oh, my God.
What's happening to my mommy?
392
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,621
[Chip sighs]
393
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:55,579
Baby, baby, come on.
394
00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:59,844
Doctor said he'd get back to us
as soon as he has news, okay?
395
00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:02,934
I mean, I'm sure everything
is gonna be fine.
396
00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:05,546
But how do you know that
for sure, Chip?
397
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:07,896
Ugh, I feel so powerless
just standing here.
398
00:17:12,988 --> 00:17:17,210
Hey, I know what
I said before, but, um,
399
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:19,255
what you did in that elevator...
400
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:22,084
Could you do that now, please?
401
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:23,694
Are you serious?
402
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,178
Okay.
403
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:32,616
Lord,
404
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:35,706
we place our worries
in your hands,
405
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:39,623
and we ask that you let
your mercy fall on Diana.
406
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,408
She's a good
407
00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:43,497
and decent person and has
family that loves her
408
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:45,281
and needs her.
409
00:17:45,325 --> 00:17:48,110
Please, Lord,
hear our prayer.
410
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,546
Amen.
411
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,026
[stretcher rolling]
412
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,028
Amen.
413
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,117
What the hell are you two doing?
414
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:57,250
Mom.
415
00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:58,773
Uh, good news.
416
00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:00,166
The MRI shows that
the pain was caused
417
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:02,385
by a peptic ulcer,
not a heart attack.
418
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:04,083
[exhales]
Your mom's
gonna be fine.
419
00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:06,128
Oh, Mom.
[kisses]
420
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,391
You were praying for me,
weren't you?
421
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:09,697
Yeah, kind of.
422
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:13,135
Oh, and then I recovered.[chuckles]
423
00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:16,138
I'm never gonna
hear the end of this, am I?
424
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:17,531
Nope.
425
00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:20,795
You know I don't believe
in that stuff.
[chuckles]
426
00:18:20,838 --> 00:18:22,188
I know, I know.
427
00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:24,581
But I also know how much
you believe in it,
428
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:27,410
so, thank you, dear.
429
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:30,631
Whatever you said,
I suppose it didn't hurt.
430
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:38,682
Now, get me out of here before
he starts building an ark.
431
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,643
I'm not Noah, either.
432
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,167
Aw.
433
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:46,560
[moans]
434
00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:48,518
Now, see? Didn't
that feel good?
435
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:51,521
Huh? Just opening
your heart and mind,
436
00:18:51,565 --> 00:18:54,611
letting go for a minute,
and, you know,
437
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,700
giving yourself up
to something bigger?
438
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,789
Whatever it is?
439
00:18:58,833 --> 00:19:00,487
It felt good.
Yeah.
440
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:01,705
Okay, so...
441
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:02,924
Now you believe?
442
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:07,233
Look, the idea that
a few kind words
443
00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:09,757
can affect the
physical world?
444
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,151
I just,
I-I-I can't go there,
445
00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:15,197
but it did make me feel better
when I needed it most.
446
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:17,199
That's as far as I'll go.
447
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,374
That's okay.
I don't need you
448
00:19:18,418 --> 00:19:20,985
to go any further
than that.
449
00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:23,249
But, just so you know,
prayer-wise,
450
00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:24,946
I'm two for two now.
451
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,906
Oh, no.
452
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:31,039
You're gonna be impossible
to live with, aren't you?
453
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:34,129
[chuckles] Maybe, yeah,
but I'll tell you what.
454
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:35,696
I'll pray for you.
455
00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:47,403
If we die,
I'll die happy,
456
00:19:47,447 --> 00:19:50,537
because you're
by my side.
457
00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,103
I'm sorry about earlier.
458
00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:53,540
You forgive me?
459
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,237
Oh, baby.
460
00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:58,284
Of course I do.
[laughs]
461
00:19:58,327 --> 00:19:59,937
[elevator rattles][gasps]
462
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,330
It's ironic.
463
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:02,984
Only when you're facing
death do you realize
464
00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:04,725
what's important in life.
465
00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:07,031
Now I know.
[sighs]
466
00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:10,383
[gasps]
467
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:11,906
We're gonna be okay.
468
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:14,256
We sure are,
aren't we? [sighs]
469
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:15,518
Oh.
470
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:19,740
But we missed our rezzy.
471
00:20:19,783 --> 00:20:22,612
What do you feel like,
Vince-y Vince?
472
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:26,312
[clears throat]
Here's the thing...
473
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:29,924
Captioning sponsored by
CBS and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
474
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:32,970
Captioned by
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