Original subtitles

Heard about the cage match at the school fair yesterday.

Yeah. Word is you rearranged

some dude's face real good. Sick.

-Who's saying that? -Everyone, man.

It's gone viral.

(Students chatter)

Fiona! Wait!

Look, I know you're mad,

but I was thinking about what you said before,

like how me and you going out would work for the both of us.

Problem is, I don't even pretend to date thugs.

You weren't there.

He wouldn't shut up about all this gay stuff.

So, it's better to be known as a gay basher

than a gay person. Is that it?

You know what? Maybe it is.

(Sighs)

Fiona, come on.

Riley, we need to talk- my office.

Who's she?

Larissa's the head of our LGBT Club.

Yeah what's that, a sandwich?

Lesbian, gay, bi, transgendered.

Larissa brought it to my attention

that you attacked a gay man.

(Scoffs)

And before we start talking hate crimes,

I want to hear your side of the story.

Ms. H., whatever she told you, is there proof?

Is someone pressing charges or something?

Go home for the day.

And come back tomorrow with a thousand words

on non-violent conflict resolution.

The LGBT Club offers sensitivity training for homophobia.

Thanks. I'll pass.

Look at us!

I wish we could dress like that all the time.

(All laugh)

Oh! And the Borogard blog's on fire

about my proposal to unite the realms.

Well, your idea to marry Dreadamort's prince

was a stroke of genius.

I just hope Dreadamort accepts it.

Wow. Sexy costumes.

Close it! Close it! (Clears throat)

Is that... from Halloween or-?

-Yeah! -It's larping.

Larping?

You mean like dressing up like wizards

and having styrofoam sword fights?

Sure it sounds lame when you say it like that.

Yeah, but, isn't that just for, like, huge sci-fi dorks?

It's not just for them.

It's something I like to do

while you do your stupid band stuff.

Whoa! Since when is my band stuff stupid?

(Bell rings)

Ms. Can we go to our own classes, please?

(Students chatter)

So, where do we eat today, Clare bear?

In here? Front steps?

Well, K.C. always saves me a seat in the caf.

And he'll be sitting with Dave.

Super.

I know! Dave's so nice.

It's no wonder you two hit it off at the club fair.

And now that we both have boyfriends...

He's not my boyfriend, Clare.

I was nice to him,

and somehow he got the wrong idea.

So, you don't like him?

It... it's just I like to be regular friends

with a guy before we become boyfriend/girlfriend.

Like K.C.

Like you and K.C. were friends before you started going out.

-Of course. -Hey!

Did you know we're still taking on new power squadders?

Um... You're asking us?

Lots of the players' girlfriends are on the squad.

Dave's told us all about you two!

Oh. We'll think about it.

So, what are you going to tell Dave?

I was thinking about trying out for the squad.

Hey! Sorry I'm late!

Thanks for not ratting me out about, you know...

I didn't think it was necessary

to get the school involved.

Cool. I'm sorry.

So, let's do this exam, right?

Riley.

I had you removed from the course.

With your temper, I don't think you have what it takes

to become a lifeguard.

But, Sam, this is my summer job!

Maybe next summer.

(Police siren wails)

(Sighs)

(Exhaling)

(Panting)

Ms. Your best chapter of fantasy fiction

by Friday, everyone.

Why write fantasy when you can live it?

Right, Princess Carella?

Maybe Sav's right.

Pretending to be a princess is ridiculous.

Anya, Borogard needs you.

And Sav hasn't talked to me all day.

I'll just him a text-pology.

For what?

Oh, hold on. I got a message.

They accept the marriage!

Long live Carella, empress of Dreadamort!

Oh-ho! I'm getting married!

Bridesmaid, called it!

Uh, what about Sav?

Are-are you going to tell him?

If he loves me, he'll understand.

(Laughs)

Aw, don't get confused. This isn't foreplay.

If I have to tell you one more time to shut up about that.

Oh, what, Mount Riley might erupt again?

What's that supposed to mean?

You're getting a pretty vicious rep.

But, whatever, I won't joke about it any more.

There's a cure. I found it online.

A cure? For what?

-For confusion. -Confusion?

I didn't think you were confused anymore.

It's hard to keep up.

I just need to get rid of some stupid thoughts.

(Whistle blows)

Two seconds. That's a fall.

Match, Riley.

Go ahead, you two.

Too easy. I need a new partner.

How about Larissa? I think she likes you.

Shut up. I feel sorry for those freaks.

(Panting)

So, feeling that school spirit?

I knew you put Trish up to it.

Thanks, Dave.

Oh, yeah. How about tomorrow after practice,

I'll take you to any movie you want, lady's choice.

Could we ask Clare and K.C.? Double date?

Nah! Tomorrow it's you, me, a dark theater,

and five gallons of sweet buttery corn!

Sounds... great.

Okay.

There's lots of support for people like you.

We can also arrange one-on-one therapy

with a recommended psychologist.

The feelings, they're making me crazy.

I wish they would just go away.

Well, you're at a crossroads.

Embrace a gay lifestyle

or decide to live the life you want.

I won't be embracing any gay lifestyle, believe me.

Hmm. I used to be like you.

But through therapy I,

I allowed myself to choose my future.

Now I have a wife, two kids...

And you're happy?

Happier than I was.

(Clears throat)

Anyway, read the literature

and we'll talk about a counseling plan.

Thanks, uh, Gerry.

Well, when you're ready, then.

(Students chatter)

Hey, beautiful!

You scared me. What do you want?

To apologize.

You've been right all along about my feelings.

I'm getting help.

Congrats. It's about time.

Yeah. So, I hoped you'd be into having a real boyfriend.

Excuse me?

I mean, once I'm cured!

Cured?! Are you insane?

You can't cure homosexuality!

Yes, you can!

There's a website, an office... It's like a disease!

Wow. You really hate yourself, don't you?

Too bad you can't cure bitch!

(Students gasp)

We don't talk anymore, okay?

Fix me. Cure me. I'll talk to a doctor,

uh, take a straight pill, whatever it takes.

Did you read the literature?

What it takes is weeks, months,

maybe even years of reorientation therapy.

Years?!

Yes. And unfortunately this type of therapy

is not covered by insurance.

Have you talked to your parents?

As if I'd tell my parents I need money to get de-gayed!

Well, a lot of parents think it's worth the investment.

(Sighs) How much is it?

Say a hundred an hour, once a week, maybe 20 weeks.

Around $2,000.

Whoa! Two grand? (Laughs)

Oh, I get it. This is a scam, right?

You require extensive behavioral modification.

I'm just trying to help you, Riley.

Whatever, Gerry.

I'm gonna figure it out on my own.

It's going to take a lot more

than just finding the right girl.

It couldn't hurt.

(Breathing heavily)

Pete? Tonight, guys' night out.

(Music playing through headphones)

(Door closes)

Ow.

Hey.

You still re-mixing the Studz songs?

I'm supposed to be,

but I've been spying on your double life.

It's bizarre, but you look super cute.

You're not going to make fun of it?

No, but, uh-

Okay, then I have some crazy news-

I just don't get why you want to hang out with these weirdos.

Why are you in a band?

Um... 'Cause there's nothing better than rocking a crowd.

It's like I'm their god.

Exactly! The Borogard people look up to me, Sav.

I'm important.

-You're important to me. -You say so.

But ever since you guys got back from L.A.,

it's like you're married to the band.

Anya, it's just that we're busy!

So, I found people that have time for me,

who accept me for who I am.

Oh, and who would that be?

A fairy princess or my girlfriend?

You better hope I can be both.

(Door slams, bell rings)

Oh, and the thought of you cheering me on?

Man, I'll be able to do anything!

All right, so I thought, you know, tonight after practice

I'll bust out the shower gel, we'll hit up the movies,

uh, grab some-

Dave! Stop.

Stop what?

Sorry.

I tried to play along as your girlfriend.

But I can't.

But I... thought you liked me.

I like you, just not like that.

Is it someone else?

-Sorry. -Who?

It doesn't matter.

Aw, man. The guys think I'm cool.

And now girls think I'm datable

all because I'm with you.

Would you be less mad at me if I helped you keep your rep?

Corner pocket.

That's game. Three in a row.

Super. Are we done?

Nope.

Tonight one of these lucky girls is going to find out

what kind of guy I am.

Sorry, I didn't get the memo today.

Is that a straight one?

Exactly. How about you?

It's been weeks since Mia left.

You still off the market?

Well, there's no point in denying

a babe's a good thing, right?

Watch the master at work.

(Girls laugh)

Good job.

You guys are gonna love her. All right, she's cute, nice.

(Crying) Dave said it didn't feel right.

Then he dumped me.

I just hope I can stay on the squad.

Aw, sweetie. Come here.

There are lots of single guys on the team.

Yeah!

(Sighs) You think they're buying it?

You should get an Oscar.

It worked. Dave's still the man.

That guy's lucky he got a hopeless crush

on a pretty cool girl.

I'm sure you'll find a guy who's right for you someday.

I'm sure I will, Clare bear.

555 number.

Fake.

Oh. Ouch!

Why isn't this working?

I don't know. Some guys have it.

Some guys just don't.

Maybe it's karma.

Someone needs to put me out of my misery.

-Is that vodka? -Want some?

Naw. I'm just gonna get another bad coffee,

then another game?

Aah!

One more hem, and it's done.

Thanks for staying late with me.

Oh, no problem.

We'll have to make sure we get some photos

for your parents.

(Sighs)

Hey, Ms. Dawes.

Anya.

Uh, you know, I have some brushes that I should wash...

...somewhere.

If you're here to judge me-

I'm not.

Look, um, I'm sorry I made fun of you.

It's just I tell you everything about the band.

And this you kept a secret. What's that?

(Sighs)

It's my wedding dress.

What?!

Tomorrow, I'm getting married to the Prince of Dreadamort

to save Borogard from destruction.

-Oh, my God! -I made it happen, Sav.

And over there, they're calling me a-

Dude! Are you coming or not?

Let me guess. Band practice?

Spin's only night off.

You wanna come watch?

No, dummy! If you haven't noticed,

I have a sunrise wedding to get ready for!

And it might be the only one I ever have.

Sav. Let's go.

(Sighs)

Are you ready? You ready?

Boom. Boom.

Hey, come on, you don't like that?

Okay, doof. Let's go.

Bathroom.

No peeking.

Oops. My bad.

You sure you want to do this?

I'm not your instructor anymore.

You want a beatdown, you got it!

Go ahead! Kick my ass. I deserve it.

Why?

(Inhales sharply)

I'm not normal.

Right.

Okay.

Look, I know how hard it is for you.

I'm a swimmer.

The locker rooms, the showers, I get it.

But I don't want everybody to know.

That you have a choice about.

You don't have to come out until you're ready.

If I ever am...

In the meantime, all this self-hating, violent crap?

How's that working for you?

(Medieval harps and flutes playing)

She's stunning.

Are you okay?

Just because Sav and I

are two seconds away from breaking up

doesn't mean I can't enjoy my wedding.

Here goes.

Empress of Dreadamort, thy minstrel hath arrived!

(Strums lute)

(Flute and harp join the melody)

When this ceremony hath come to an end,

you shall leave here as husband and wife,

joined together by the powers that be.

This eternal bond shall keep thee together

from this day forward.

It's a very mature step, Riley. Keep me posted on your progress.

You okay?

I mean, not to pry,

but you were just talking to the counselor.

Anger management.

I'm done being a raging jerk all the time.

Okay, cool.

Well, I should uh, head to class.

Peter, wait.

There's a new memo out today.

You were the first to find out, and you've been right all along.

(Whispering) I'm homosexual.

Well, can't say I'm surprised,

but I'm glad you're admitting it.

So, should I submit a bulletin

to the morning announcements or something?

No. This stays between us.

I'm not gonna come out in high school.

What stays between us? You didn't tell me anything.

Thanks.