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00:00:10,966 --> 00:00:14,100
[lounge music playing]
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00:00:14,133 --> 00:00:21,066
♪ ♪
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00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,233
‐ [clears throat]
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00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:34,600
[ice crunching]
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00:00:34,633 --> 00:00:41,766
♪ ♪
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00:00:42,566 --> 00:00:45,700
‐ Welcom
e to L'Orange.
I'll be your server, Kyle.
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Our specials tonight‐‐
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00:00:47,166 --> 00:00:48,733
‐ Damn it, Kyle,
are you blind?
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00:00:48,766 --> 00:00:50,333
We're in the middle
of a conversation.
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00:00:50,366 --> 00:00:52,733
‐ I'm so sorry.
[sighs]
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00:00:52,766 --> 00:00:54,133
I'll come back.
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00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,066
‐ Actually, I kinda wish
we'd heard the specials now.
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00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,366
[sighs]
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00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,000
This is fun.
So fun, right?
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00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:09,066
[main title theme]
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00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:16,033
♪ ♪
17
00:01:44,666 --> 00:01:46,100
Robert: This was a doozy
18
00:01:46,133 --> 00:01:47,366
of an idea, Archer.
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00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,200
I just love double dates.
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00:01:49,233 --> 00:01:50,800
‐ You're at a restaurant,
Robert.
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00:01:50,833 --> 00:01:53,333
We can trade money
for food here.
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00:01:53,366 --> 00:01:54,500
Sorry about that, Gabrielle.
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00:01:54,533 --> 00:01:56,766
At his age,
Robert gets confused easily.
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00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,100
‐ If it's not
painfully obvious yet,
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00:01:59,133 --> 00:02:01,733
Archer is incredibly jealous
of my husband.
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00:02:01,766 --> 00:02:03,533
‐ Oh, yeah,
I‐I desperately wish
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00:02:03,566 --> 00:02:05,800
I had liver spots
and eyebrows like haystacks.
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00:02:05,833 --> 00:02:07,600
‐ You know what?
‐ Look, why don't we just
29
00:02:07,633 --> 00:02:09,266
acknowledge the elephant
in the room?
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00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,466
‐ That you have
borderline personality disorder
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00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:13,333
and desperately need help?
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00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:14,800
‐ I was talking, Lana,
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00:02:14,833 --> 00:02:17,666
about how incredibly gorgeous
Gabrielle looks tonight.
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00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:20,500
It's like somebody stuffed
103 pounds of "ka‐kow"
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00:02:20,533 --> 00:02:22,233
into a red golf sock.
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00:02:22,266 --> 00:02:24,466
‐ I couldn't agree more.
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00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:26,233
You look gorgeous,
Gabrielle.
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00:02:26,266 --> 00:02:27,633
‐ Uh, honey, shut up.
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00:02:27,666 --> 00:02:30,366
So how did you two meet?
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00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,400
‐ We met in a study
my university is conducting
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00:02:32,433 --> 00:02:34,766
for individuals
who have been in a coma.
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00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,733
‐ Catch that, Lana?
‐ That you have brain damage?
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00:02:36,766 --> 00:02:40,066
‐ No, I mean the part
where Gabrielle is a scientist?
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00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:42,233
‐ Oh, are you
in science as well?
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00:02:42,266 --> 00:02:44,233
‐ [laughs]
That's funny.
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00:02:44,266 --> 00:02:46,633
You see, Lana's parents
desperately wanted her
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00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,500
to be a scientist,
but she hated them.
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00:02:48,533 --> 00:02:50,233
And now they're dead.
‐ They're not dead.
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00:02:50,266 --> 00:02:52,233
‐ How would you know?
You're not a scientist.
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00:02:52,266 --> 00:02:53,600
‐ You know,
one of my foundations
51
00:02:53,633 --> 00:02:55,633
is involved in neuroscience,
52
00:02:55,666 --> 00:02:58,533
and we just did a study
on memory‐mapping neurons.
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00:02:58,566 --> 00:03:00,633
‐ Oh, I just read about that!
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00:03:00,666 --> 00:03:02,733
Let me ask you, did you agree
with their findings
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00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:05,100
on spatially tuned
memory trace cells?
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00:03:05,133 --> 00:03:07,633
‐ Slow down. Who am I,
Andrew Fielding Huxley?
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00:03:07,666 --> 00:03:10,100
[both laugh]
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00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:12,066
Gosh, oh, that's good.
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00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,800
‐ So have we decided
on a first course?
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00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:16,366
‐ I actually need
a little more time.
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00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,100
But, Lana,
you're probably fine
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00:03:18,133 --> 00:03:19,766
with the first thing
you see, right?
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00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,233
[hits table]
‐ I'm just... [groans]
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00:03:22,266 --> 00:03:24,533
Going to go
to the ladies' room.
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00:03:24,566 --> 00:03:25,800
Excuse me.
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00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:29,100
‐ Oh, I'll join you.
‐ [sighs] Great.
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00:03:29,133 --> 00:03:31,533
‐ Don't take too long, or I
might fall in love with Robert.
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00:03:31,566 --> 00:03:34,200
You know how fast
it can happen!
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00:03:34,233 --> 00:03:36,233
Ha, I was joking,
obviously, Robert.
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00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:38,300
The eyebrows
are a deal breaker.
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00:03:38,933 --> 00:03:41,600
‐ Oh, this
is
a beautiful restaurant.
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00:03:41,633 --> 00:03:42,733
‐ Mm‐hmm.
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00:03:42,766 --> 00:03:45,233
‐ Robert's great.
You're so lucky.
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00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,400
‐ Uh‐huh.
‐ So...
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00:03:47,433 --> 00:03:49,766
you know Archer from work?
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00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,600
‐ [laughs] What?
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00:03:51,633 --> 00:03:53,366
Wait a minute.
You're joking, right?
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00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,733
Archer didn't tell you
anything about us?
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00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:57,200
‐ Oh, just that
you work together,
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00:03:57,233 --> 00:03:58,466
that you're married to Robert,
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00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,266
that your jaw makes
this clicking sound
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00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:01,733
when you chew like...
[clicking tongue]
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00:04:01,766 --> 00:04:03,233
‐ Mm.
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00:04:03,266 --> 00:04:05,766
He didn't mention that we,
uh, I don't know,
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00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,366
have a child together?
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00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,366
‐ Get out of town!
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00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,766
You're AJ's mom?
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‐ [groans]
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00:04:12,633 --> 00:04:14,533
Robert: So how's work, Archer?
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00:04:14,566 --> 00:04:16,066
‐ Hey, Robert,
don't take this personally,
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00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:17,633
but there's no way
I'm making small talk with you.
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00:04:17,666 --> 00:04:20,233
Just quietly stare
at a candle or something.
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00:04:20,266 --> 00:04:24,666
‐ Hey...that Gabrielle.
[wolf whistle]
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00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:27,333
We sure got a type.
Rawr!
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00:04:27,366 --> 00:04:30,133
Seeing them walk off together
now, I was just like,
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00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:33,400
"I wouldn't mind being the
cream in that double espresso!"
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00:04:33,433 --> 00:04:36,400
[laughs]
‐ Hmm.
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00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:40,266
‐ I've dabbled quite a bit in
the exotic arts, as they say.
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00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:42,066
‐ Oh, God, please, no.
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00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:43,500
‐ So you're telling me
you're not upset
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00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,066
that Archer didn't mention
that your first date
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was going to include
the mother of his child?
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00:04:47,266 --> 00:04:48,666
‐ After all he's been through,
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00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:50,400
I'm sure it just
slipped his mind.
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00:04:50,433 --> 00:04:52,233
‐ Or he's a lunatic.
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00:04:52,266 --> 00:04:54,400
I mean, clearly he asked
you out because...
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00:04:54,433 --> 00:04:56,600
[snorts] Well...
‐ Well, what?
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00:04:56,633 --> 00:04:58,800
‐ Oh, come on,
he's trying to send a message
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that he found a stand‐in,
you know, for, uh‐‐for this.
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‐ A stand‐in?
Oh, did you go to Yale too?
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00:05:05,633 --> 00:05:07,533
‐ No. I mean,
I'm sure I could have.
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00:05:07,566 --> 00:05:09,400
‐ But you have
two PhDs, I bet.
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00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:11,100
‐ Well, no, not two.
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00:05:11,133 --> 00:05:12,800
No, I have‐‐I have‐‐
I have just the one.
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00:05:12,833 --> 00:05:15,100
‐ Oh, I see, so you
don't mean "stand‐in"
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00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,800
as much as you mean
"upgrade."
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woman: [clears throat]
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00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,533
Excuse me.
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00:05:19,566 --> 00:05:20,766
‐ There! There you go!
‐ [gasps] What are you doing?
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00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,066
‐ Now you're all wet.
‐ Ugh!
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‐ Isn't that what you wanted?
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00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:27,733
‐ And sure enough, we made love
right there in the jazz club.
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00:05:27,766 --> 00:05:30,233
And to this day,
I can't even hear
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00:05:30,266 --> 00:05:32,766
a muted trumpet
without getting erect!
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00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,400
[mimics trumpet fanfare]
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‐ What a great story, Robert.
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00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,366
I just wish it could've been
louder and grosser.
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‐ Kyle! Do us a favor and put
our food in, would ya?
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00:05:41,233 --> 00:05:42,766
‐ Absolutely.
What would you like?
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00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,633
‐ You order for us, Kyle.
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00:05:44,666 --> 00:05:48,800
I'm talkin' apps, entrées‐‐
the whole nine yards.
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00:05:48,833 --> 00:05:50,633
‐ You're trusting Kyle
to pick our food?
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00:05:50,666 --> 00:05:52,366
The entirety
of his life's decisions
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00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,800
have led him to this job
and that haircut.
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00:05:54,833 --> 00:05:56,633
No offense, Kyle.
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00:05:56,666 --> 00:05:59,800
Hey, there they are, the two
prettiest ladies in the joint.
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00:05:59,833 --> 00:06:02,766
Or more specifically,
a clear number one
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00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,466
and a not‐as‐well‐read,
big‐boned runner‐up.
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00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,633
‐ You know what?
Let me ask you a question.
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00:06:07,666 --> 00:06:09,633
‐ What the hell
are you doing?
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00:06:09,666 --> 00:06:12,466
You're supposed to be
staking out Victor Cherenenko.
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00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:14,766
‐ Will you two be
joining the table?
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00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:15,533
‐ No, definitely not.
‐ We were just leaving.
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00:06:15,566 --> 00:06:17,233
‐ Sure.
‐ Gabrielle, you could
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00:06:17,266 --> 00:06:18,466
scooch in next to me.
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00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:20,500
‐ Ooh, who's Victor Cherenenko?
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00:06:20,533 --> 00:06:21,766
‐ Oh, Russian hacker,
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00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,100
one of Interpol's most wanted,
Gabrielle.
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00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,500
Huge reward out for him.
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00:06:25,533 --> 00:06:27,766
And I am the one
responsible‐‐
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00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,733
‐ Actually,
I'm in charge of the mission.
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00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,333
How are you?
Cyril Figgis.
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00:06:32,366 --> 00:06:33,766
‐ Calm down, Cyril.
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00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,333
You're getting desperation
all over my hot scientist.
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00:06:36,366 --> 00:06:38,800
‐ I probably shouldn't be
showing you this.
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00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:41,533
You look like someone
who can be trusted.
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00:06:41,566 --> 00:06:43,633
See, for years, no one has
been able to find this guy,
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00:06:43,666 --> 00:06:46,100
but recently he's been
popping his head up in public.
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00:06:46,133 --> 00:06:48,266
So as team leader,
I took it upon myself
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00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:51,366
to synthesize data from his
financial records, and ta‐da.
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00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,766
‐ You were able to produce
that wet diaper
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00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,666
of a worthless dossier.
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00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:56,766
The thing says Cherenenko
is a regular at this place,
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00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,133
and yet‐‐
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00:06:58,166 --> 00:07:00,100
‐ Hey, isn't that him?
Cherenenko?
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00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,633
Cyril: You see that, Archer?
I was right.
167
00:07:02,666 --> 00:07:04,100
He's here after all.
168
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:05,666
‐ I mean, it doesn't
take that much
169
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:07,200
to look at a credit card
statement
170
00:07:07,233 --> 00:07:09,633
and see that guy comes
to a restaurant a lot
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00:07:09,666 --> 00:07:11,400
and that‐‐
‐ God damn it, Archer!
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00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:13,366
‐ Wow, this is so exciting!
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00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:15,500
So what do we do now?
Like, go detain him?
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00:07:15,533 --> 00:07:17,133
‐ [laughs] Oh, man.
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00:07:17,166 --> 00:07:18,366
Guess they don't
teach you everything
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00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:19,533
in neurobiology school.
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00:07:19,566 --> 00:07:21,766
‐ Well, no, obviously not.
178
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,500
‐ As much as I love
taking advice on spycraft
179
00:07:24,533 --> 00:07:27,266
from civilians,
you can't just go up and detain
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00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,500
a guy with an armed bodyguard
protecting him.
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00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:30,666
‐ Lana's right.
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00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,466
Even if we took
the bodyguard out,
183
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:35,233
we'd have 50 Russian goons
on our doorstep
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00:07:35,266 --> 00:07:36,366
looking for blood
in the morning.
185
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:37,666
‐ Uh, yeah,
that's what I'm saying.
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00:07:37,700 --> 00:07:39,633
So the plan is,
we go over‐‐
187
00:07:39,666 --> 00:07:42,233
‐ Excuse me,
I'm in charge, and as such,
188
00:07:42,266 --> 00:07:45,133
I have constructed
our apprehension strategy.
189
00:07:45,166 --> 00:07:47,400
Okay, we wait for him to leave,
and we tail him.
190
00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:48,633
Then we find an opportunity
191
00:07:48,666 --> 00:07:50,500
to separate him
from his bodyguard,
192
00:07:50,533 --> 00:07:52,766
lure him somewhere quiet,
and bring him down.
193
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,733
Voilà. A classic Figgis.
194
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:58,400
‐ I thought a classic Figgis
was when you get
195
00:07:58,433 --> 00:08:00,500
your genitals caught in
the zipper of a sleeping bag.
196
00:08:00,533 --> 00:08:02,233
‐ You know very well
that wasn't user error.
197
00:08:02,266 --> 00:08:04,266
There was a factory recall!
198
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,633
I'm going to the men's room
real quick.
199
00:08:05,666 --> 00:08:07,466
Don't do anything without me.
200
00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:13,100
‐ So, Gabrielle,
how do you feel about jazz?
201
00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:14,266
[urinal flushes]
202
00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:15,766
‐ And how are you
this evening, sir?
203
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,766
‐ Very well, thank you.
204
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,500
I actually just had a, uh,
205
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:20,800
pretty big
professional victory.
206
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:22,466
[faucet running]
‐ That is wonderful, sir.
207
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,200
‐ Thanks. You know that feeling
when you take
208
00:08:24,233 --> 00:08:26,600
a big step forward at work
and people notice?
209
00:08:26,633 --> 00:08:29,366
‐ Yes, sir.
Very magical, sir.
210
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,133
‐ Oh, uh, I left my wallet
in my jacket,
211
00:08:32,166 --> 00:08:33,400
and I'll just‐‐
212
00:08:33,433 --> 00:08:35,300
[urinal flushes]
Good call. I'm on a diet.
213
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:41,066
May I offer you a towel?
214
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,233
‐ Hey, excuse me, sir‐‐
215
00:08:42,266 --> 00:08:44,400
[blow lands]
216
00:08:44,433 --> 00:08:46,133
‐ [grunts]
[blow lands]
217
00:08:46,166 --> 00:08:48,633
[dramatic music]
218
00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:51,200
‐ [groans]
219
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,466
‐ [moaning]
220
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:58,533
‐ Ooh, he's really
giving it to her.
221
00:08:58,566 --> 00:09:00,633
‐ [gasps]
Malory: They're leaving.
222
00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:02,766
Lana: Perfect, when they get
outside, we follow them.
223
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,133
‐ Gabrielle,
I'm sorry to tell you,
224
00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:07,266
but you're about
to dive headfirst
225
00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:10,200
into a high‐speed chase,
so buckle up.
226
00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:11,633
‐ Shouldn't we just
leave her here?
227
00:09:11,666 --> 00:09:13,633
‐ No, Lana,
I'm sorry you're threatened
228
00:09:13,666 --> 00:09:16,500
because Gabrielle is so smart
and accomplished and‐‐
229
00:09:16,533 --> 00:09:19,366
‐ Hot.
‐ Thank you, horny new guy.
230
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,633
We are not ditching her.
Here, put this on, Gabrielle.
231
00:09:21,666 --> 00:09:23,466
I wouldn't want you
to catch cold.
232
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:25,733
You should, uh,
put this on to, um,
233
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:28,766
cover up your hideous...
234
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,500
elbows.
235
00:09:30,533 --> 00:09:32,366
‐ Ya had trouble finding
something, didn't ya?
236
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,666
‐ Shut up, Lana!
237
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:38,333
[lively jazz music]
238
00:09:38,366 --> 00:09:40,200
Hold on.
239
00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:44,066
All right, go!
Everybody into my car.
240
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:45,200
Cyril: Good news.
241
00:09:45,233 --> 00:09:47,100
The bodyguard is now locked
242
00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:49,500
in a bathroom supply...closet.
243
00:09:49,533 --> 00:09:51,233
[sighs]
244
00:09:51,266 --> 00:09:52,766
It's my mission.
245
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,233
‐ Okay, so here we have
the first courses,
246
00:09:55,266 --> 00:09:56,733
fried lobster
in puff pastry
247
00:09:56,766 --> 00:09:58,666
over four‐cheese grits.
248
00:09:58,700 --> 00:10:02,466
‐ [crying]
249
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:03,733
[engine revving]
‐ All right, Gabrielle,
250
00:10:03,766 --> 00:10:05,633
get ready
for the ride of your...
251
00:10:05,666 --> 00:10:07,633
[tires squealing]
252
00:10:07,666 --> 00:10:09,233
[tires screeching]
253
00:10:09,266 --> 00:10:10,600
Life.
[horns honking]
254
00:10:10,633 --> 00:10:12,400
‐ Uh, what did he just say?
255
00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:14,066
‐ Life, Robert!
He said life!
256
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,500
He was finishing a thought
from before!
257
00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:17,733
‐ [laughs]
‐ Archer!
258
00:10:17,766 --> 00:10:19,200
‐ I'm sorry.
259
00:10:19,233 --> 00:10:20,766
He did a
"what did he just say?"
260
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,100
He's doing all the top ten
old‐guy hits,
261
00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:24,633
coast‐to‐coast!
262
00:10:28,533 --> 00:10:30,600
[jazzy music]
263
00:10:30,633 --> 00:10:32,100
Malory: This is what happens
264
00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:34,633
when you give bicyclists
their own lane.
265
00:10:34,666 --> 00:10:37,166
What's next,
a lane for vegetarians?
266
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,433
‐ Sorry, Gabrielle.
267
00:10:38,466 --> 00:10:40,033
It's usually a little
chasier than this.
268
00:10:40,066 --> 00:10:41,566
‐ Oh, no, don't apologize.
269
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,500
This is a great opportunity
for me to get to know
270
00:10:43,533 --> 00:10:45,200
your friends just
a little bit better.
271
00:10:45,233 --> 00:10:47,500
‐ All right, I'll start.
Uh, this one's for anybody.
272
00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:50,233
Who's ever met
a potential love interest
273
00:10:50,266 --> 00:10:54,100
over the unconscious body
of their child's father?
274
00:10:54,133 --> 00:10:56,700
‐ Oh, my God. This again?
‐ This again, what?
275
00:10:56,733 --> 00:10:58,700
‐ Well, you got shot
by a murder suspect
276
00:10:58,733 --> 00:11:00,233
you were supposed
to be investigating
277
00:11:00,266 --> 00:11:03,233
but instead were having
sex with who, by the way,
278
00:11:03,266 --> 00:11:05,533
after shooting you, got away!
279
00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:10,300
‐ Hey, look what we got
going on back here.
280
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:12,600
I feel like the cream
inside of an Ore‐‐
281
00:11:12,633 --> 00:11:15,333
‐ Do not finish
that sentence.
282
00:11:17,466 --> 00:11:19,200
‐ Hey, Kyle.
283
00:11:19,233 --> 00:11:21,433
Would you mind parking
the dessert cart over here?
284
00:11:21,466 --> 00:11:23,333
And you might want to throw
the emergency brake on,
285
00:11:23,366 --> 00:11:26,433
because I have a feeling things
could go sideways pretty fast.
286
00:11:26,466 --> 00:11:29,300
‐ Actually, sir, some diners
have been complaining
287
00:11:29,333 --> 00:11:31,500
that your constant crying
and chewing
288
00:11:31,533 --> 00:11:33,033
is bumming them out.
289
00:11:33,066 --> 00:11:34,433
[whispering]
If you wouldn't mind...
290
00:11:34,466 --> 00:11:37,233
‐ Oh, they didn't leave
a credit card?
291
00:11:37,266 --> 00:11:38,733
Jeezy Petes!
292
00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:42,233
I had a serving of bone marrow,
not a goddamn transplant.
293
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:44,366
[sighs]
All right, I‐‐
294
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,233
Hey!
My jacket's gone!
295
00:11:46,266 --> 00:11:48,766
Listen, Kyle,
my wallet was in my jacket,
296
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,766
and it appears my friends
must've grabbed it.
297
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,233
So I'm gonna have to...
[footsteps approaching]
298
00:11:52,266 --> 00:11:54,100
To have someone come down
299
00:11:54,133 --> 00:11:55,766
and meet me here
with a credit card.
300
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,333
‐ There you go.
301
00:12:01,733 --> 00:12:05,366
‐ Don't spray that urine
on my son's window.
302
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,366
If you want a dollar for doing
nothing, walk to Canada.
303
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,733
‐ What are you even doing
on this mission to begin with?
304
00:12:10,766 --> 00:12:12,366
‐ Cyril needed me.
305
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,233
It would've looked weird
for him to be sitting
306
00:12:14,266 --> 00:12:16,066
at that restaurant
all alone.
307
00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:17,366
‐ Who were you supposed to be?
308
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,100
‐ His date, obviously.
309
00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:20,700
[laughter]
310
00:12:20,733 --> 00:12:23,366
‐ Excuse me,
it's not that crazy at all
311
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,766
that these two
would be together.
312
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,700
Not much further apart in age
than Lana and I are.
313
00:12:27,733 --> 00:12:29,633
‐ Self‐burn.
‐ Plus, she's beautiful
314
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,200
and successful.
315
00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:33,100
You know who you
remind me of, Malory?
316
00:12:33,133 --> 00:12:34,500
My ex‐wife.
317
00:12:34,533 --> 00:12:37,166
‐ Malory reminds you of Linda?
The supermodel?
318
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,633
‐ No, no, no, no, no, no.
319
00:12:38,666 --> 00:12:41,233
I'm talking about Zelda,
my first ex‐wife.
320
00:12:41,266 --> 00:12:43,766
Linda was my third ex‐wife.
‐ Your what?
321
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,633
‐ Oh, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.
322
00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:48,500
I think the phrase you're
looking for is "gulp."
323
00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:51,333
[laughter]
324
00:12:52,666 --> 00:12:55,100
‐ What's wrong
with your face, Krieger?
325
00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:58,066
‐ Yeah. Did you rack your nuts
on your proton pack?
326
00:12:58,100 --> 00:12:59,500
‐ [laughs]
327
00:12:59,533 --> 00:13:03,100
‐ Oh, Mitsuko and I
got into an argument.
328
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:05,600
She said she thinks maybe her
feelings are changing about us.
329
00:13:05,633 --> 00:13:07,200
‐ Let me tell you
something everyone hears
330
00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:08,633
at some point
in their lives:
331
00:13:08,666 --> 00:13:10,766
that anime hologram's
just not that into you.
332
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,100
‐ No! It's probably
just a phase, right?
333
00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:15,300
[phone rings]
‐ Yello?
334
00:13:15,333 --> 00:13:17,600
‐ Pam! Listen!
[chuckles awkwardly]
335
00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:19,366
I need you to come to L'Orange.
336
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,366
Archer stuck me
with a huge tab,
337
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,033
then left with my coat
which had my wallet in it,
338
00:13:24,066 --> 00:13:26,366
and there's a menacing busboy
who won't stop staring at me.
339
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,466
Pam: And you want me
to come over there
340
00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:31,066
and blow a busboy so he'll
forget about your dinner tab.
341
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,700
‐ What? No,
come with money to pay the tab.
342
00:13:33,733 --> 00:13:35,766
Pam:
Oh. Lame.
343
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,500
‐ Okay,
let me get this straight.
344
00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:40,633
You've been married four times
and it never occurred to you
345
00:13:40,666 --> 00:13:43,100
to share that information
with your wife?
346
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,700
‐ It's personal, dear.
347
00:13:44,733 --> 00:13:47,233
I didn't ask you how many times
you'd been married.
348
00:13:47,266 --> 00:13:49,566
‐ Zero!
I'd been married zero times!
349
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,333
‐ Well, now I see why.
350
00:13:51,366 --> 00:13:53,500
‐ [laughs]
351
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:54,633
‐ Who were they?
352
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:56,366
‐ Linda, of course.
353
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,100
Then Hafsa, she was a gift
from the Saudi crown.
354
00:13:59,133 --> 00:14:01,766
Would've been rude to say no.
And then Zelda.
355
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,566
We didn't technically divorce.
I lost her on safari.
356
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,766
‐ Oh, my God,
this guy's on fire.
357
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,500
‐ I'm not sure if it's
a big deal, but...
358
00:14:10,533 --> 00:14:12,466
that guy you're following,
he just got out of that cab.
359
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,500
‐ Damn it, he's getting away!
Follow him!
360
00:14:14,533 --> 00:14:15,500
‐ I can't, Mother!
361
00:14:15,533 --> 00:14:17,100
What do you want me to do,
362
00:14:17,133 --> 00:14:19,566
just leave the car here
in the middle of 5th Ave?
363
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,766
‐ Oh, yes, big smiles.
364
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,600
I, too, would be excited
if I were about to overdose
365
00:14:24,633 --> 00:14:27,366
somewhere in a hollowed‐out
box spring.
366
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,233
‐ You know,
I've always thought
367
00:14:29,266 --> 00:14:32,100
that busboys were the backbone
of the restaurant industry.
368
00:14:32,133 --> 00:14:37,200
‐ I'm a woman.
‐ And a beautiful one at that.
369
00:14:37,233 --> 00:14:40,333
There you are!
‐ Oh, you look like shit, dude.
370
00:14:40,366 --> 00:14:41,433
Have you been crying?
371
00:14:41,466 --> 00:14:43,633
‐ Crying?
[laughs] No.
372
00:14:43,666 --> 00:14:45,100
all: Yes!
‐ [cries]
373
00:14:45,133 --> 00:14:47,433
‐ Okay, oh, Cyril.
374
00:14:47,466 --> 00:14:49,300
Come on, let's get out of here.
375
00:14:49,333 --> 00:14:50,566
‐ [clears throat]
Cyril: Oh, uh,
376
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,766
right, the tab, uh‐‐
377
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,700
‐ Cyril, don't worry
about the tab.
378
00:14:53,733 --> 00:14:55,366
I got this.
379
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,200
[shouting] This waiter
just touched my breasts!
380
00:14:58,233 --> 00:14:59,300
[people gasp]
381
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,200
‐ What?
382
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,766
‐ Again, I just can't
put into words
383
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,100
how mortified I am.
384
00:15:04,133 --> 00:15:05,433
‐ Well, you should be
mortified.
385
00:15:05,466 --> 00:15:07,233
I know my breasts
certainly are.
386
00:15:07,266 --> 00:15:08,500
Right, ladies?
387
00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,100
‐ Hey, hot shot,
388
00:15:10,133 --> 00:15:13,333
call me if you ever want
to have your world rocked.
389
00:15:13,366 --> 00:15:16,566
Lana: You voted libertarian?
Robert: Sure, twice.
390
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,366
Hey, I know seat belts
save lives,
391
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,433
but who is the government
to require me to wear one?
392
00:15:22,466 --> 00:15:23,766
‐ Is there anything else
you haven't told me?
393
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,333
‐ No.
‐ In my experience,
394
00:15:25,366 --> 00:15:28,166
you have to ask
exploratory questions, like...
395
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,100
Robert, have you
ever done anything
396
00:15:30,133 --> 00:15:32,200
that you're deeply sad about?
397
00:15:32,233 --> 00:15:36,300
‐ I mean, I guess if I had
to pick one thing...
398
00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:38,766
oh, gosh,
it'd be the dogs.
399
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:39,766
‐ The dogs?
400
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,166
‐ I've had 11 dogs die on me.
401
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,600
‐ 11? How is that possible?
402
00:15:45,633 --> 00:15:49,233
‐ Well, you know, there's just
a huge language barrier.
403
00:15:49,266 --> 00:15:51,766
‐ [shouting] Oh, my God, what
the hell is wrong with you?
404
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,366
‐ [Southern accent]
What beautiful architecture
405
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,200
they have here
in New York City, New York,
406
00:15:56,233 --> 00:15:59,066
where we are visiting
as tourists.
407
00:16:02,266 --> 00:16:04,100
[whispering] Jesus Christ,
Lana, will you quit fighting
408
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:05,733
with your husband
before you give us away?
409
00:16:05,766 --> 00:16:07,500
‐ [angry whisper] We wouldn't
be in a fight if you hadn't
410
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:09,200
set up this stupid double date
in the first place.
411
00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:10,500
[loudly]
Boy howdy.
412
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:12,066
I sure hope someday
we get these kind
413
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:15,300
of tall buildings back
at home in...Arizona.
414
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:17,233
‐ Shit, he's heading
to the park.
415
00:16:17,266 --> 00:16:20,200
[soft dramatic music]
416
00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:23,100
♪ ♪
417
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:24,500
Follow that horse!
And step on it!
418
00:16:24,533 --> 00:16:26,633
[driver clicks tongue,
horse whinnies]
419
00:16:26,666 --> 00:16:28,500
‐ You there, follow that cab!
420
00:16:28,533 --> 00:16:31,600
‐ On a break.
‐ Let me try.
421
00:16:31,633 --> 00:16:35,366
Well, I can see why they
call it a hansom cab.
422
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,633
You sure are
the best‐looking son of a gun
423
00:16:37,666 --> 00:16:39,300
I've seen all night.
424
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,033
‐ Oh, is that a fact?
425
00:16:41,066 --> 00:16:43,366
‐ Oh, I was talking
to the horse.
426
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,333
I figured he ran the business.
427
00:16:45,366 --> 00:16:47,300
[both laugh]
428
00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:49,133
‐ Gosh, oh, that's good.
429
00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:55,633
[dramatic music]
430
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:57,600
‐ Hmm, they seem to be in love.
431
00:16:57,633 --> 00:16:59,766
Wonder whose still‐breathing
body they met over.
432
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,200
‐ Oh, my God, you are
absolutely cracked in the head.
433
00:17:02,233 --> 00:17:04,733
We weren't even together when
you went into a coma, okay?
434
00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:06,766
You were banging
some old broad who then,
435
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,166
God bless her soul, shot you.
436
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,633
‐ Better to be shot
than stabbed in the back, Lana.
437
00:17:11,666 --> 00:17:14,066
‐ I'm surprised this isn't
something you've mentioned
438
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,733
about your time in a coma
if it bothers you so much.
439
00:17:16,766 --> 00:17:18,300
‐ Oh, it doesn't.
440
00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:20,100
‐ Why do you even care
that I'm with Robert?
441
00:17:20,133 --> 00:17:21,500
‐ I don't!
‐ It was clear that you
442
00:17:21,533 --> 00:17:22,766
were never going
to commit to me.
443
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,800
‐ You don't know that!
444
00:17:23,833 --> 00:17:26,366
‐ So if Lana
hadn't met Robert...
445
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,333
‐ Over my still
very much alive body
446
00:17:28,366 --> 00:17:29,666
with a functioning sex organ,
447
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:31,666
as I imagine was included
in my records.
448
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:34,666
‐ Then you would've wanted
to be together?
449
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,066
‐ Excuse me!
450
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,166
Whose ass do I have to kiss
451
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,333
to get more hot cocoa
back here?
452
00:17:38,366 --> 00:17:39,666
[horse whinnies]
453
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,366
‐ Coney Island?
454
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,466
Look, I appreciate you guys
bringing me here
455
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,466
to cheer me up,
but I'm a grown man.
456
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,233
‐ Oh, cheer you up?
457
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,666
A waiter just touched
my breasts, asshole.
458
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:51,300
‐ If you're in need
of some cheering up,
459
00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:53,666
this is the place.
Come on.
460
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:56,666
Whoa, look!
Wacky mirrors!
461
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,633
[carnival music playing]
462
00:17:59,666 --> 00:18:01,466
♪ ♪
463
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,500
Malory: Driver!
464
00:18:02,533 --> 00:18:04,266
Now we're going too fast!
465
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,333
We're trying to follow
that horse in front of us,
466
00:18:06,366 --> 00:18:07,733
not inseminate it.
467
00:18:07,766 --> 00:18:10,100
‐ I remember when the park
was a place you'd come
468
00:18:10,133 --> 00:18:12,266
to get away from
the hustle and bustle.
469
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:15,333
‐ Me too. I had an aunt
who'd take me here.
470
00:18:15,366 --> 00:18:17,300
We'd sit on a park bench
for hours,
471
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:20,500
just chatting and throwing
lit matches at the pigeons.
472
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,500
‐ My friends and I would feed
the pigeons Alka‐Seltzer,
473
00:18:22,533 --> 00:18:24,233
watch them explode!
474
00:18:24,266 --> 00:18:25,666
[both laugh]
475
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:27,466
Yeah!
476
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,500
both: Slow the hell down!
477
00:18:29,533 --> 00:18:32,266
‐ Come on, buddy,
what's got you so down?
478
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:35,500
You can talk to ol' Pam.
‐ It's...Archer.
479
00:18:35,533 --> 00:18:37,133
‐ And what about him?
480
00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:39,166
‐ I hate him!
481
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,500
I hate his stupid face!
482
00:18:41,533 --> 00:18:43,366
And his stupid car!
483
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,133
And his stupid coma cane!
484
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,300
And his stupid...
[machine buzzing]
485
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,800
Doesn't give me
the respect I deserve!
486
00:18:48,833 --> 00:18:51,100
How hard is it
for you to acknowledge
487
00:18:51,133 --> 00:18:54,066
the good shape
I've gotten in? Ah!
488
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:57,166
How much I've improved
as a field agent? Ah!
489
00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,300
I learned Mandarin,
for Christ's sake!
490
00:19:00,333 --> 00:19:02,633
I hate you,
Sterling Archer!
491
00:19:02,666 --> 00:19:04,433
I hate you
and everything you've done
492
00:19:04,466 --> 00:19:06,600
to make me feel this‐‐agh!
493
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:11,033
‐ Cyril,
I see the job you're doing.
494
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:13,500
You've been knocking it out
of the park as a field agent.
495
00:19:13,533 --> 00:19:15,500
‐ Really?
‐ Really.
496
00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:17,266
When I thought Archer was dead,
497
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:20,500
I literally said, "Well,
at least we still got Cyril."
498
00:19:20,533 --> 00:19:21,533
‐ You did?
499
00:19:21,566 --> 00:19:22,666
‐ Sure.
500
00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:24,333
I need the agency
to stay afloat.
501
00:19:24,366 --> 00:19:25,766
I can't get another job.
502
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,733
I have, like,
a shit‐ton of felonies.
503
00:19:28,766 --> 00:19:30,466
‐ [chuckles, sniffles]
Thanks, Pam.
504
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,100
[machine buzzes]
[yelps]
505
00:19:35,066 --> 00:19:37,233
Gabrielle: Then why did you set
this double date up, Archer?
506
00:19:37,266 --> 00:19:38,566
‐ Seriously,
out of all the women
507
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:39,800
you could've asked out...
508
00:19:39,833 --> 00:19:41,633
‐ Of which there are
literally billions.
509
00:19:41,666 --> 00:19:43,666
‐ Proving her point.
‐ Damn it.
510
00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:47,166
‐ You chose one that kinda,
well, is my doppelganger?
511
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,166
‐ Yeah, why is that, Archer?
512
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,366
‐ Um, if you two
are through playing
513
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,633
amateur neuropsychobiologist,
514
00:19:52,666 --> 00:19:55,266
our Russian is headed
for the subway.
515
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:59,200
♪ ♪
516
00:19:59,233 --> 00:20:01,100
‐ Archer, I'll come at them
from around the back.
517
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,466
You approach them
from the left flank.
518
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:03,666
‐ I almost hate to do it.
519
00:20:03,700 --> 00:20:06,200
Those two look
really happy together.
520
00:20:06,233 --> 00:20:08,533
‐ Yeah. It's nice to be
in love with someone.
521
00:20:08,566 --> 00:20:10,500
You should try it.
522
00:20:10,533 --> 00:20:12,600
‐ Well, if it means
being as happy
523
00:20:12,633 --> 00:20:16,100
as that Russian hacker and his
girlfriend, I actually‐‐
524
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:17,533
all: Oh!
‐ God damn it.
525
00:20:17,566 --> 00:20:19,566
‐ Oh‐ho‐ho‐no!
526
00:20:21,133 --> 00:20:24,466
‐ Ew.
Should we call the police?
527
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:25,633
both: Meh.
528
00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:31,666
‐ So, Gabrielle, this is
usually the part of the date
529
00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:34,033
when we head back
to my place for great sex.
530
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:37,600
‐ Archer, look, you seem
like a really nice guy‐‐
531
00:20:37,633 --> 00:20:39,166
‐ Ha!
‐ Shut up, Lana.
532
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,600
You were saying?
Nice guy.
533
00:20:40,633 --> 00:20:43,066
Fully functioning sex organ.
Go on.
534
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:45,400
‐ But it's clear you still
have feelings for Lana.
535
00:20:45,433 --> 00:20:48,066
‐ [laughs]
Wait, me? For her?
536
00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:51,166
Wh‐why would I want Lana
when I could have you?
537
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,733
A totally different
noncomparable unique person
538
00:20:54,766 --> 00:20:58,766
who...shouldn't be exploited
for personal vendettas, sorry.
539
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,100
‐ Yeah, that part.
It was nice to meet ya, Lana.
540
00:21:02,133 --> 00:21:04,366
Uh, maybe we could
get together sometime.
541
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,100
‐ You know what?
I actually would not mind
542
00:21:06,133 --> 00:21:07,433
hanging out with you again.
543
00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:08,600
Archer: Hey, wait, Gabrielle.
544
00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:10,366
But...sex time.
545
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,666
Gabrielle!
546
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,500
‐ Aw, you liked her,
didn't you?
547
00:21:15,533 --> 00:21:16,566
‐ I don't know.
548
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,533
‐ But you didn't realize it
549
00:21:17,566 --> 00:21:18,800
till just now, huh?
550
00:21:18,833 --> 00:21:20,133
‐ [grunts]
Maybe.
551
00:21:20,166 --> 00:21:21,633
‐ I mean,
I thought she was great.
552
00:21:21,666 --> 00:21:25,066
‐ Whatever.
‐ I mean, smart, charming.
553
00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:26,633
And those cans,
am I right?
554
00:21:26,666 --> 00:21:29,133
‐ Yeah, they looked
pretty squeezy.
555
00:21:29,166 --> 00:21:30,766
‐ Thinking maybe instead
of asking her out
556
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,266
to make me jealous,
you should've just
557
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:34,566
asked her out
because she's awesome.
558
00:21:36,233 --> 00:21:39,166
[jazzy music]
559
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,133
♪ ♪
560
00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:43,500
Honey, I'm home.
561
00:21:43,533 --> 00:21:45,500
man [over TV]: You know
what I'd do if I were you?
562
00:21:45,533 --> 00:21:47,400
‐ Wait, wait, wait, wait,
this is my favorite part!
563
00:21:47,433 --> 00:21:49,300
‐ Mine too!
564
00:21:49,333 --> 00:21:52,300
all: Fill my boots with lead
and jump in the ocean,
565
00:21:52,333 --> 00:21:54,666
you pig‐nosed gypsy!
566
00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:56,233
[laughter]
[machine gun fire on TV]
567
00:21:56,266 --> 00:21:57,366
‐ Oh, gosh, that's good.
568
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,266
‐ [sighs]
Fantastic.
569
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:23,400
‐ Made in Georgia.
42630
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