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1
00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:15,315
Malory: Item four:
2
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:17,651
our contact in the Sudan
called.
3
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,319
He wants to know‐‐
4
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,354
‐ Why the hell
you started without me?
5
00:00:21,387 --> 00:00:22,789
‐ Well, which part
of "9:00 a. m. sharp"
6
00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:24,057
confused you?
7
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:26,159
‐ Most of it, obviously.
‐ Yeah.
8
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,228
It was pretty clear
to the rest of us.
9
00:00:28,261 --> 00:00:29,395
‐ Who clearly didn't have
10
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:31,364
the shitty morning
I've had, Lana.
11
00:00:31,397 --> 00:00:33,399
Without pata negra ham,
12
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,301
it's not really eggs Woodhouse,
now, is it?
13
00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:37,504
‐ Well, sir, culatello ham
is actually‐‐
14
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,705
‐ It's a different pig,
15
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,240
from a different country,
16
00:00:40,273 --> 00:00:43,844
raised on a different diet!
17
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,312
The takeaway here is,
you're fired.
18
00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:48,582
‐ [laughs] It's a little thing
called "being on timing"‐ness.
19
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,483
‐ Oh, and I thought
it was called
20
00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:53,286
"who cares"‐ness.
‐ Things have changed.
21
00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:55,355
Briefings start at 9:00 a. m.,
22
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:58,124
and I expect everyone
front and center.
23
00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:00,561
‐ How, when I have to park,
like, a gajillion miles away
24
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,529
because Cyril's vasectomy
on wheels
25
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,430
is in my goddamn parking space?
26
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,432
‐ It's been mine
for quite some time.
27
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,268
‐ And you don't need it
anyway, dear,
28
00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:10,170
now that you can use the...
‐ A‐da‐da...
29
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:12,673
‐ Handicap space.
What?
30
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,841
‐ [grunts]
31
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,777
Oh, and speaking of...
32
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:20,180
[car alarm blaring]
33
00:01:20,213 --> 00:01:21,615
‐ You trashed my car?
34
00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,650
‐ "Trashed" is
a strong word, Cyril.
35
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,351
‐ Listen...
‐ Accurate, but strong.
36
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:26,587
‐ You're gonna pay for that.
37
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,855
‐ Uh, literally,
or figuratively?
38
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,624
‐ Maybe we try both.
39
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,358
‐ Oh, like as in,
over my dead...
40
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:34,327
[cane hums]
‐ [emphatically] Not now.
41
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:35,729
‐ Body, in case
you were wondering
42
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,464
where I was going with‐‐
43
00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:41,467
‐ Oh, for the love of...
44
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,203
Krieger?
Krieger: If this is about
45
00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:44,738
a package that just arrived,
46
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:45,806
super don't open it.
47
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,407
‐ What?
Krieger: Nothing.
48
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,143
‐ Thanks to you, Sterling
just zapped himself to death
49
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:51,545
all over my carpet!
50
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,914
Krieger: Uh, no.
I specifically designed it
51
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,282
so the voltage
wouldn't kill him.
52
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:58,752
‐ Just maybe put him
back in a coma,
53
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,421
so you can study his brain?
54
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:04,357
[dial tone]
55
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:08,494
[main title theme]
56
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:15,468
♪ ♪
57
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,368
Archer: Are you kidding me?
58
00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:49,936
We have our own jet now?
59
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:52,806
‐ Well, the agency has become
quite profitable
60
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,642
ever since your...accident.
61
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,377
‐ Some might even say
"because of."
62
00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:58,979
‐ Well, either way,
you can thank me
63
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,446
by telling me
where the drinks are.
64
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,548
‐ It's a dry plane.
65
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,416
‐ Shut up, Cyril.
That's not a thing.
66
00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:05,418
‐ Uh, we sort of have
an unspoken policy
67
00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:07,287
against the whole "shut up"
thing.
68
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,856
‐ Hmm, but no policy
on coma‐jacking parking spots?
69
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:10,857
‐ Be that as it may...
70
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,693
‐ Strong priorities.
71
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:14,460
‐ Be that as it may,
72
00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:16,597
we've instituted a strict
73
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:20,534
no drinking on duty policy...
74
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,703
with certain limited
exceptions.
75
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,404
‐ Well, un‐limit them,
76
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:26,439
because I'm trying to prepare
for a mission.
77
00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:28,575
‐ That involves us going
to a secret island
78
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,677
to infiltrate an underground
martial arts tournament
79
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:33,313
hosted by black market
arms dealer Win Li
80
00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:34,848
and smuggle him back
to the U. S...
81
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,984
‐ In a fit of irony?
‐ To stand trial,
82
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,420
so it's important
we take him alive.
83
00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:41,988
You got it?
‐ Chong Li, karate island,
84
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,724
hadouken, got it.
‐ Nope.
85
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,458
‐ Oh, for chrissakes,
86
00:03:45,491 --> 00:03:47,828
this was all covered
in the damn briefing.
87
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,462
‐ Which you were late to
88
00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,031
and then nearly died during.
89
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,966
‐ Mm‐mm.
So "disprofessional."
90
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,735
‐ Yeah, does this mean
briefings are gonna start
91
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:55,869
being fun again?
92
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:58,004
‐ Absolutely not!
Krieger: Aww.
93
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,740
‐ Krieger's flying
the damn plane,
94
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,341
and we're supposed
to be not drinking?
95
00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:02,909
‐ [chuckles] Right?
Krieger: Wait, we're not?
96
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,477
‐ Krieger!
97
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:06,613
‐ So I guess,
here's to backup plans.
98
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:07,714
‐ No.
99
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,349
NewbetterCheryl
doesn't do that.
100
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:10,851
‐ New, better Cheryl?
What the hell's that?
101
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,886
‐ I don't know!
102
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,788
But she does
very good typings
103
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,890
and many important
non‐burny things.
104
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,626
‐ Well, not me,
so don't mind if I do.
105
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,928
‐ Hey, I was toasting
and/or taunting you, Pam,
106
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,396
not offering.
107
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:26,800
‐ [belches]
Agree to disagree.
108
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,803
[dramatic music]
109
00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,038
♪ ♪
110
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,340
Archer: Oh, man.
111
00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:36,042
Pretty sure I have
the world's first
112
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,478
karate island boner.
‐ Could you not?
113
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,046
We try to keep things
professional around here.
114
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,348
‐ Fine, God.
How about
115
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:43,750
"work‐related erection"?
116
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,686
‐ More like, maybe try
not talking
117
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:48,922
about your erection at all.
118
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:52,526
‐ I...don't know how.
119
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:55,962
♪ ♪
120
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,632
Win Li: Welcome, everyone,
121
00:04:58,665 --> 00:04:59,666
to the twelfth annual
122
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,702
Dragon Fire Kumite!
123
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:05,639
[crowd chanting]
124
00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,674
Fighters, head to registration,
125
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,811
and everyone, please enjoy
the loggerhead turtle sliders.
126
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,779
They're almost extinct
127
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,616
because they're so tasty!
128
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:21,688
‐ Mmm, he wasn't kidding.
These things are amazing.
129
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,424
‐ Oh, put that away.
I'm allergic to loggerhead.
130
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:26,593
‐ Along with cat dander
and motherly affection?
131
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:27,994
Got it.
Mmm.
132
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:31,397
‐ Dear God, stop stuffing
your face like a refugee.
133
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:32,833
‐ It's called carb‐loading,
Mother.
134
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:33,934
Mmm.
‐ For what?
135
00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:34,968
‐ Karate island.
136
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,737
‐ Actually,
137
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,673
we'll be entering Cyril
to fight in the tournament.
138
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,708
‐ Officially ending the search
139
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,476
for your long‐lost sense
of humor.
140
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,847
‐ It's just, Cyril's
a bit more...
141
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,849
‐ I think the term
you're looking for is
142
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,450
fully functioning!
143
00:05:50,483 --> 00:05:51,618
How do I look?
144
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:52,485
‐ You mean besides
like you've got
145
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,487
the world's first black belt
in tax law?
146
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,822
‐ [laughs] Right?
147
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:00,594
Archer: We get it.
You finally exercised.
148
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,128
Stop being such a dick
about it.
149
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,464
‐ Ignore him, Cyril.
You'll do fine.
150
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,132
‐ Which is more than I can say
151
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:08,168
for...whatever this is supposed
to be.
152
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,036
‐ It's called undercover.
153
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,472
‐ As opposed
to vaguely racist?
154
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,874
Pam: [laughs] Vaguely?
155
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,141
Ow!
156
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,443
‐ Mission focused, young lady.
157
00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:18,612
You hear me?
158
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:21,047
‐ Well, not out
of this damn ear.
159
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:24,618
[belches]
Oh, wait, that's better.
160
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:26,753
‐ What?
She stole my flask, Mother.
161
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:27,854
I'm the victim here.
162
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,756
‐ Your job is to stick
to the plan.
163
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,592
‐ Stick to the plan.
Got it.
164
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:32,993
I'll do a Manhattan
on the rocks.
165
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,494
‐ Oh, for the love of...
166
00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,530
I want mission focus.
167
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,533
‐ Jesus.
‐ Sync on me in three,
168
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,768
two, one...
‐ Wait, sync on what?
169
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:42,869
‐ Mark.
[phone beeps]
170
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,905
‐ Mark?
‐ I want comms checks...
171
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,072
‐ Wait, who's Mark?
172
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,774
‐ And everyone in position
173
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,743
in two minutes.
Now move out.
174
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,015
‐ I'm starting to feel like
I maybe missed a meeting.
175
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,788
[dramatic drum music]
Lana: Okay.
176
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,189
Once we get past the guards,
177
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,891
we trigger the halon system,
178
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,660
filling this place
with a cloud of gas,
179
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,529
and then we whisk Win Li away
in the chaos.
180
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:09,996
‐ Right.
So, uh,
181
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,497
where are we on that refill?
182
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:12,866
‐ Not really part
of what we're doing.
183
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,668
‐ It's called tradecraft, Lana.
184
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:16,469
You even care
about blowing your cover?
185
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:18,204
‐ I think your tradecraft's
a tad rusty.
186
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,941
‐ Oh, so we're making fun
of my coma now.
187
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,142
‐ [sighs] Archer...
188
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,210
‐ Feels like a dark line
to cross, Lana.
189
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,812
‐ Sorry, not what I meant.
190
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,013
Let's just focus on our jobs.
191
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,481
‐ Exactly.
192
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:30,784
So yeah, lighter
on the vermouth this time.
193
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,953
[bell dings]
194
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,821
Malory: And when you bring him
his drink,
195
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,957
slip this into it.
196
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,693
Now careful.
That's highly concentrated
197
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:40,894
benzodiazepine.
‐ [gasps]
198
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:43,229
Oh, you mean a booster buddy!
199
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,632
Don't worry, newbetterCheryl
200
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,067
totally stopped taking these
twice a day.
201
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,235
‐ Twice?
How are you still even alive?
202
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:50,837
‐ Thanks to Jesus.
203
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:52,105
He's the Costa Rican guy
204
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,974
I used to pay
to pump my stomach.
205
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,677
‐ Just get it done.
206
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,845
Pam: Yeah, good luck with that.
207
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,714
‐ Seriously, what's he
so worked up about?
208
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:05,085
‐ [taunting in Chinese]
209
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,687
‐ How the hell should I know?
210
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,723
I don't speak
angry‐as‐shit...Mandarin?
211
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:11,725
I'm just the trainer.
‐ Cleverly disguised
212
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:12,926
as a drunk moron.
213
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,928
‐ Who could still whip
your bony ass.
214
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:16,730
Speaking of,
how about you tag me in
215
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:17,831
for a few rounds?
216
00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:19,733
Feeling a little frisky.
217
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,968
‐ This is why we don't drink
on duty, Pam.
218
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,004
We had a detailed mission plan,
and‐‐
219
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,606
[bell dings]
‐ That hopefully included
220
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,007
your dumb ass turning around.
221
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,141
opponent: Hyah!
222
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,810
‐ [groans]
223
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,077
‐ Great.
224
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,245
‐ I know, right?
225
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:36,082
‐ No, I mean
there are more guards now...
226
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,585
who are apparently
easily distracted.
227
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,286
Let's move. Now.
228
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,755
Archer.
‐ Uh, hang on.
229
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:42,889
‐ Archer!
‐ What?
230
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,758
I'm easily distracted,
too, Lana.
231
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,893
I'm trying to watch Cyril...
232
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,929
‐ Hi‐yah!
233
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,566
[bell dings]
234
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,167
‐ Weirdly not getting
his ass kicked.
235
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,902
‐ Well, so much for‐‐
236
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:57,571
‐ Parking spot schadenfreude.
237
00:08:57,604 --> 00:08:58,972
‐ And more importantly,
238
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:01,107
for our chance to just walk
right on in there.
239
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:02,843
Unless...
240
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,144
Pam, come in.
‐ What the...
241
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:05,879
‐ It's a new microburst ear
transmitter.
242
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:06,913
‐ I know, dummy.
243
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,615
Why don't I have one
in my ear?
244
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,884
‐ Uh, because you're not
in tactical command?
245
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:12,786
‐ But a cocktail waitress is?
246
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:14,054
That makes zero sense.
247
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,789
‐ Ugh.
Just...
248
00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:17,591
Pam, come in.
Pam: All right, all right.
249
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,159
Hold your damn horses.
250
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,261
Mr. Hogging‐the‐ring
wants some water.
251
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,864
‐ And she's drunk.
Happy now?
252
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,331
‐ That you have space ears
and I don't?
253
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,332
You tell me, Lana.
254
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:28,001
‐ Space ears?
255
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,636
‐ In my coma,
we were in space,
256
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,605
and we put that word
in front of, like, everything.
257
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:34,074
It was pretty space great.
258
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,676
‐ Ugh.
I told Malory
259
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:36,910
bringing you was a bad idea.
260
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,745
‐ Oh, why is that?
Because it conflicted
261
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,080
with your new life plan
to avoid me?
262
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,782
‐ No.
Wait, what?
263
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,316
I'm not trying to stay
away from you.
264
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:44,751
‐ Please.
Staying away is all
265
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,219
you've been doing
since the coma, Lana.
266
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,621
‐ Oh, that's ridiculous.
267
00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:49,089
‐ It's okay.
I get it.
268
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,758
It's obvious you don't trust
yourself around me.
269
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,293
‐ [laughs]
Wait, what?
270
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:54,761
Why wouldn't I?
‐ Oh, well,
271
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,362
I'll, uh, give you a hint.
272
00:09:56,396 --> 00:10:00,200
The answer rhymes
with "my throbbing sexuality."
273
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,770
Pam: A
ll right.
Glass Joe here is good to go.
274
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:04,738
What's up?
‐ Oh, me?
275
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:08,809
Just reeling from
blunt force sexual imagery.
276
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:10,043
‐ Hey, Lana says
277
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:11,978
keep the fight going
until their signal.
278
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:13,814
You got that?
279
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:16,850
[dramatic music]
280
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:19,686
‐ Well, in the hands
of a lesser fighter...
281
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,922
‐ Which, compared to me,
you totally are.
282
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,190
Come on, Cyril.
Give mama a turn.
283
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,259
‐ Pam, you're drunk.
‐ [laughs]
284
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,862
Since when's that
a damn problem?
285
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,330
‐ Mission accomplished.
286
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:31,865
‐ Good.
‐ Oh, wait.
287
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,266
Non‐accomplished.
288
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,868
‐ What?
‐ "Disaccomplished"?
289
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,002
‐ What happened?
290
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,270
‐ I remembered newbetterCheryl
291
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,005
doesn't drug random people
anymore.
292
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,107
‐ Oh, just shut up.
293
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:44,010
Clearly, I have to do
everything around here.
294
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,846
[gentle Chinese music]
295
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,280
Cheryl: Ooh.
Don't look now,
296
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,015
but I think
a certain someone
297
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,884
is into...
Lana: Necrophilia?
298
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,886
My husband's older, not dead.
299
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,154
‐ It's the same thing, Lana.
300
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,422
Unlike the sex,
which we both know
301
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:57,758
was way better with me.
302
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,159
‐ You know, it's hard
to call it better
303
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,961
when you hate yourself
afterwards.
304
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,029
‐ And yet, you kept coming back
for more,
305
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,398
thereby proving
how irresistible I am.
306
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:07,133
[bell dings]
Wait, Lana, shut up.
307
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,302
Check it out.
Thank you.
308
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,771
‐ Hey!
What the hell are you doing?
309
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,773
‐ Restoring balance
to the universe, Lana.
310
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:14,007
What's it look like?
311
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,275
This is Sterling Archer,
312
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,310
tactical commander,
not Lana,
313
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,412
who, side note,
is basically begging
314
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,047
to have sex with me right‐‐ow!
315
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,783
‐ Will you just come on?
316
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:26,186
[dramatic music]
317
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:28,188
‐ [yells]
318
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:30,056
‐ The hell kind
of girls' prison
319
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,457
did you learn to fight in?
320
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,326
Come on, tag me in.
321
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,328
‐ What the‐‐
this isn't pro wrestling!
322
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,063
[yelps]
323
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:41,067
‐ I must say, your fighter
has been quite impressive.
324
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,435
‐ He better be.
325
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:43,870
‐ That man he's fighting
326
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:45,806
usually has
a killer right hook,
327
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,207
and that's not a euphemism
for anything.
328
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,276
People die all the time.
329
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,945
Oh, wait.
There it is.
330
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:53,814
[cell phone rings]
331
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,749
Oh, sorry.
Work.
332
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:57,217
Yhellow.
333
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,185
[scoffs]
Defective, my ass.
334
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,822
Hey, Yuri, try standing
on one of those land mines,
335
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:04,324
and you'll see
how not defective they are.
336
00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:06,192
Mm, sorry.
Where were we?
337
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,461
♪ ♪
338
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:09,495
[elevator door dings]
339
00:12:09,530 --> 00:12:11,231
‐ So let me get this straight.
340
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:12,432
In your sick little world,
341
00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:14,768
every moment I'm with you,
342
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:17,470
I'm basically a nanosecond away
from ripping off my clothes,
343
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,973
jumping your bones,
and ruining my life?
344
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:22,342
‐ [chuckles] Your words.
‐ Not how that phrase works.
345
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,945
‐ Though it's apparently how
being obsessed with me works.
346
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,914
♪ ♪
347
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:28,949
[silenced gunshots]
348
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,216
‐ Damn it, Archer!
‐ What?
349
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,985
‐ We don't just go around
shooting people anymore.
350
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:32,986
‐ Why not?
351
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:34,220
‐ Because...
352
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,522
[silenced gunshots]
353
00:12:35,556 --> 00:12:38,124
‐ That's literally 95%
of the job.
354
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,126
‐ W‐w‐we try to use
nonlethal force now.
355
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,462
[toilet flushes]
‐ [whistles]
356
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,964
[gasps]
[silenced gunshot]
357
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,366
‐ It's called
a license to kill, Lana,
358
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:49,069
not a license
to gently subdue.
359
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,271
[laughs]
‐ Is this funny to you?
360
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,907
‐ Not you, idiot.
[laughs] That.
361
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,409
‐ Jesus Christ, Archer.
362
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,511
Did you forget to call Pam
363
00:12:57,544 --> 00:12:59,412
and tell her
we're past the guards?
364
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:00,847
‐ Sure, let's go with that.
365
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,248
‐ Call her, goddamn it.
He's...
366
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,150
‐ Really getting killed
out there.
367
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:07,420
‐ Well, in the meantime‐‐
[cell phone rings]
368
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,289
‐ Yhellow?
369
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:10,524
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Raoul.
370
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,025
No one ever said that bazooka
371
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,827
could sink a cruise ship.
372
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,428
You want to take out
a cruise ship,
373
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,564
I can sell you something
to take out a cruise ship,
374
00:13:17,598 --> 00:13:19,299
you kook!
[laughs]
375
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:20,834
Okay, I'll see you in Kiev.
[hangs up]
376
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:22,302
Sorry, where were we?
377
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:23,837
‐ I was just about to suggest
378
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:26,272
we freshen our refreshments.
379
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,442
‐ Mm, I like where this
is going.
380
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:30,911
Wait, as in sex, right?
381
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,378
‐ If you play your cards right.
382
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:36,517
‐ Ah, and the delicate
foreplay dance begins.
383
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:39,319
[moans]
384
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:42,188
‐ [gags]
‐ Hey!
385
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,323
Whatever happened to
386
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,592
"No more personal calls,
Cheryl.
387
00:13:45,626 --> 00:13:48,128
"No more
four‐hour lunches, Carol.
388
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,163
No more shoving
your fingers in"‐‐[chokes]
389
00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:51,397
[dramatic music]
390
00:13:52,633 --> 00:13:55,301
‐ Pam, get Lana on comms
and tell‐‐
391
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,403
[groans]
392
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,172
[crowd chanting]
393
00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:00,607
‐ Jesus Christ.
394
00:14:00,641 --> 00:14:03,043
Like beating a dead horse
out there.
395
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:04,611
‐ Pam... [spits tooth]
396
00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:08,081
Get Lana
on the...talk box thing
397
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,616
and tell her...
398
00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:11,151
Lana: What do you mean,
you can't call?
399
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,485
‐ Mm, there's no signal
down here.
400
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,487
‐ Oh, idiot.
‐ Idiot?
401
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,557
I didn't invent
how cement walls work, Lana.
402
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:18,324
‐ What?
‐ The hell?
403
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,060
[jaunty music]
404
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,095
Okay, yeah, so...
405
00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:23,930
Oh, I'm just gonna‐‐
406
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,231
I'm just gonna go ahead and...
407
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:27,067
[vomits]
408
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:34,908
‐ That's it.
Calling my own number.
409
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:36,476
Yah!
[crowd gasps]
410
00:14:36,510 --> 00:14:39,012
[dramatic music]
411
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:41,081
Whoo!
412
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:45,085
Big Mama's handing out
biscuits, baby!
413
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,654
[crowd gasping]
‐ Ah, you dare interfere
414
00:14:47,688 --> 00:14:50,524
with the Dragon Fire Kumite?
415
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,393
‐ Well, somebody had
to spice up this snooze‐fest.
416
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,061
‐ Oh, then by rule,
417
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,130
you must duel to the death
418
00:14:57,163 --> 00:15:00,000
with the legendary Dragon Fire!
419
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,668
‐ [choking]
420
00:15:01,702 --> 00:15:04,004
Pam: Conway Stern?
421
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,972
‐ [choking]
Take...
422
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,273
me!
423
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,410
‐ Uh...Pamela.
424
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,278
So glad you came.
425
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,014
‐ Twice.
426
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,149
‐ Tum‐tum feeling better?
427
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:18,118
‐ Nice tone, Lana...
[guns cocking]
428
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:21,221
But yes, thank you for asking.
429
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,494
‐ Okay, I've got an idea.
430
00:15:28,529 --> 00:15:30,564
Maybe try glaring at me
tons more, Lana.
431
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,198
Maybe that'll get us
out of here.
432
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:34,434
‐ Oh, I'm sorry.
Was I glaring?
433
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:37,403
I thought I was just looking
at the idiot who got us caught!
434
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,172
‐ Well, with your
resting bitch face...
435
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:41,307
‐ [gasps]
guard: Hey, asshole!
436
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,443
No talking till Mr. Li
gets here
437
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:44,745
to kill you...
438
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,180
with a bazooka,
like you are cruise ship.
439
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,481
[laughs]
‐ Fine,
440
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,250
but if you scratch that cane,
441
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,253
it will literally end up
inside your...
442
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,320
‐ Asshole.
443
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,355
‐ [laughs] Yeah.
444
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:56,489
I probably deserve that.
445
00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:57,490
I bet you miss me, though.
446
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,459
‐ Not even close, bud.
447
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,094
‐ You know what you could've
gone with right there is,
448
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,463
"Glenn Close,
but no cigar."
449
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,165
‐ Well, you're about to have
450
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:06,600
a dangerous liaison...
451
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,202
with my fist!
452
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:11,337
‐ Oh, my, my, my.
453
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:14,407
Looks like
a...reversal of fortune.
454
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,177
Are you starting to feel
a...fatal attraction?
455
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,646
‐ No, it's more like...
456
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,682
Hook!
‐ [growls]
457
00:16:21,715 --> 00:16:23,083
Lana: Uh...
458
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:25,218
resting what face?
459
00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:27,588
‐ I'm not at all sure
I follow.
460
00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:29,089
‐ Bitch.
‐ Pardon?
461
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,323
‐ I believe you said
462
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:32,292
"resting bitch face."
463
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,128
‐ Uh, honestly, I feel
like I would remember that.
464
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,429
‐ Ah, good.
I must've misheard you.
465
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:38,064
I guess that means I don't have
to do this.
466
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,500
‐ [groans]
Goddamn it.
467
00:16:40,534 --> 00:16:43,236
‐ Hey, I told you...
468
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,739
[shuddering]
469
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,642
[dramatic music]
470
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,777
‐ [grunts]
Son of a bitch!
471
00:16:50,811 --> 00:16:53,146
‐ Problem?
[laughs]
472
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:54,380
‐ [groans]
473
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,182
Well, not if you stand still
474
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,084
for, like,
two freaking seconds.
475
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,120
‐ [laughs] Yeah, I hear you.
476
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,656
I'm kind of like a...
Uh...I'm like a...
477
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,758
‐ Muhammad
all over the damn place?
478
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:07,193
‐ Damn it!
479
00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:11,197
[gunfire]
480
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,233
‐ Go!
481
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:17,738
♪ ♪
482
00:17:17,771 --> 00:17:20,641
‐ [screams]
483
00:17:20,674 --> 00:17:22,075
‐ Hey, Lana,
484
00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:25,178
how's the "non‐murdering
bad guys" thing going?
485
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,713
‐ Well, like everything else
you touch,
486
00:17:26,747 --> 00:17:28,682
it's kind of turned to shit.
487
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,151
[music slows]
488
00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:32,485
‐ Oh, my God!
489
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,120
Did you just see that?
490
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,723
Full‐on midair head shot!
491
00:17:36,757 --> 00:17:39,092
That was so pre‐coma me.
492
00:17:39,125 --> 00:17:40,661
‐ Yeah, just like being
pinned down,
493
00:17:40,694 --> 00:17:42,195
about to die,
and it's all your fault
494
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,397
feels pretty pre‐coma you also.
495
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:46,132
‐ [laughs] Right?
496
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,500
Although...
497
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:48,835
that's kind of new.
498
00:17:48,869 --> 00:17:50,671
‐ [grunts, groans angrily]
499
00:17:50,704 --> 00:17:53,574
[both grunting, blows landing]
500
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:56,743
‐ [grunts]
501
00:17:56,777 --> 00:17:58,545
[crowd cheering]
502
00:17:58,579 --> 00:17:59,713
guard: Don't move!
503
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,748
‐ Lana, am I still in a coma?
504
00:18:01,782 --> 00:18:04,184
‐ What are you‐‐no.
God damn it, no.
505
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,486
‐ Damn, because this
is gonna hurt.
506
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:07,754
[clicks]
507
00:18:07,788 --> 00:18:09,523
[glass cracking]
508
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,825
Conway: Any last words,
Big Mama?
509
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:14,828
‐ Yeah, they rhyme
with go fu‐‐
510
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:17,564
[Archer screams]
511
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:23,436
‐ [screams]
512
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:25,672
You have got to be kidding me!
513
00:18:25,706 --> 00:18:27,473
‐ Oh, how you like that,
514
00:18:27,508 --> 00:18:29,510
Daniel Day‐loser?
515
00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:32,579
‐ As in "My Left Foot."
Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.
516
00:18:32,613 --> 00:18:34,314
[gas hissing]
517
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:37,217
♪ ♪
518
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,686
‐ [weakly]
Ah, just like we planned.
519
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:43,489
‐ [crying]
520
00:18:43,524 --> 00:18:46,426
But you haven't seen the last
of Conway Stern!
521
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,494
Ow.
522
00:18:48,529 --> 00:18:50,897
Which‐‐is it my real name?
523
00:18:50,931 --> 00:18:52,866
I'll never tell you!
524
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:55,235
Oh, my God,
525
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,704
this hurts so much more
than losing the hand.
526
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:02,408
‐ [inhales deeply]
527
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:04,745
Good news!
528
00:19:04,778 --> 00:19:06,379
‐ Dear God.
529
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:09,850
‐ OldwaybetterCheryl
is so back.
530
00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:11,885
‐ From where,
a truck stop bacchanalia?
531
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:15,856
‐ Uh, sure, let's go with that.
532
00:19:15,889 --> 00:19:17,891
‐ And where the hell
have you been?
533
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,927
‐ Uh, this new place
called almost dying.
534
00:19:20,961 --> 00:19:22,663
‐ Hardly.
Win Li: You!
535
00:19:22,696 --> 00:19:25,899
You've ruined
my entire operation!
536
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,268
‐ Oh, go stuff a sock in it!
537
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,670
Swear to Christ,
538
00:19:29,703 --> 00:19:31,672
I have to do everything
around here.
539
00:19:31,705 --> 00:19:33,907
Now clean this up!
540
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,877
[gentle music]
541
00:19:36,910 --> 00:19:42,583
♪ ♪
542
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:45,752
‐ Hey, where the hell's Cyril?
543
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:50,857
‐ Hello?
544
00:19:50,891 --> 00:19:53,226
‐ Oh, for the love of...
545
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:54,828
You forgot one!
546
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,963
‐ Sorry, Mother.
Mission focused.
547
00:19:56,997 --> 00:19:58,999
Your words.
Can't go back.
548
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,867
‐ Christ, Archer,
did you leave him
549
00:20:00,901 --> 00:20:02,569
just to get
your parking space back?
550
00:20:04,805 --> 00:20:06,406
‐ No.
551
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,936
‐ Made in Georgia.
38315
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