Original subtitles

[ gun cocks ]

[ cylinder clicking ]

[ gunshot ]

What the hell?!

Fantastic!

Aw, come on, now.

What the hell?!

New desks! No more thigh gouging!

Wait, wait. Let me check.

Yep.

No more Thigh gouging!

Okay. That's it.

I kept my mouth shut When they painted the walls.

I kept my mouth shut When they put up

Those emaciated, little, New techno monitors.

I even kept my mouth shut

When they took the urinals out Of the men's room!

That was The ladies' room.

Okay, fine. My bad.

Point is -- this may just be Furniture to you,

But I loved that desk.

I made love on that desk.

And they replace it With this

Blondine, swedish, European-ass,

Allen-wrench-loving crap.

I mean, I'm all for change, But it's too much!

Wow. New mugs.

I take it all back.

It's solid. I like it.

Got a nice heft to it.

It's a hell of a mug, Dan.

Oh! Whoa! [ chuckles ] Samantha: oh, my god.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Did I...Burn you?

No, no. I think you missed.

Are you sure?

Sometimes tissue damage Doesn't show up right away.

She's right, jack. You should check.

You lose a testicle, It will not grow back.

Trust me. Am I wrong?

Uh, no. I'm -- I'm fine. [ chuckles ]

I'm sorry. I don't believe we've met.

Uh, detective jack bailey.

Right. Sorry. Uh, samantha.

I just started With the csi division.

Detective dan stark.

Hi. Hi.

Did you do your field training Here in dallas?

Actually, I'm just a lab assistant.

For now.

I want to be A field tech.

I love Being in the field.

Ever since I was a kid,

I just loved Playing in the field.

I'd dig around And find dead mice and birds,

And now I get to do The same thing!

[ breathes deeply ]

[ door closes ]

Nate?!

What the hell Are you doing here?

Suddenly too old To call me uncle nate?

I haven't seen you In 15 years.

It's not exactly Suddenly.

What are you doing In my apartment?

You sound angry, jack.

Are you still upset About the thing with the dog?

I'm upset with the fact

That you've broken Into my apartment

In the middle Of the night.

There's a good reason For that.

I believe I may have Witnessed a crime.

[ gun cocks ]

[ cylinder clicking ]

[ gunshot ]

[ gun cocks, cylinder clicking ]

Okay. Then you should have gone To the precinct

And filed a report.

Well, Present company excepted,

I don't always have The best rapport

With law enforcement.

I thought it'd be better To come to you

Because, well, I may or may not

Have an outstanding warrant For my arrest right now.

Is that so?

Yeah. It's a total Misunderstanding.

I was selling insurance In arlington.

It was going great.

It's a real moneymaker, By the way.

But let me guess -- Somebody filed a claim?

The guys who set me up With the account

Said it was all On the up-and-up

And that everything Was official

Until suddenly [snaps fingers] They disappeared.

[ scoffs ]

Well, nate, I guess it is hard

To teach an old dog New tricks.

You see? You're still upset About the thing with the dog.

Stop mentioning The thing with the dog.

I'm not upset about the thing With the dog!

I'm upset because You committed insurance fraud.

You broke the law.

Come on.

And since I am a cop, I have to arrest you.

[ laughing ] You're gonna arrest me, jack?

I'm your uncle!

Okay. Then I will turn A blind eye

To the breaking And entering,

And we'll call it A family discount.

Get up and turn around. Are you serious?

You're gonna march me On down

To the station now At thi hour?

Come on. It's late.

[ door slams ]

You actually Threw him in jail?

There was a warrant out For his arrest.

Jack, he's your uncle.

The guy is a crook. He always has been.

Look, when I was a kid,

He got my dad to invest

In a can't miss Business opportunity.

And it missed. Yeah, big-time.

Okay. All right, My parents lost everything.

We had to sell our house,

We moved into an apartment Complex that didn't accept dogs.

It was a mess.

I understand. I hear you. I do.

But I got to tell you, As your friend,

I don't think you should let The personal feelings

You have about your uncle

Get in the way of cracking Potentially a huge case.

You mean that so-called crime? It's probably a con, too.

But what if it's not?

All I'm saying is,

I don't want to bust him On some petty insurance fraud

When we could be looking At a major arson case.

Hmm?

You're bored, jack!

You said you were bored.

You want to get un-bored Or not?

[ sighs ] I hate you.

[ chuckles ]

[ dan and nate laughing ]

I asked her, "Who gave you the 50 cents?"

She says, "They all did."

Dan?

[ coughing ] Yeah. What?

What are you doing?

You didn't tell me You had an uncle, man.

Can I speak with you in private For a second?

Oh, yeah. [ laughing ] Lord, he's funny, man.

[ laughs ]

W-what are you doing, Talking to him for?

The guy's bad news.

Aw, come on, jack.

What, Is this about the dog?

He told me about that.

You got to Let it go, bro.

He feels awful about it To this day, just awful.

I'm sure that he does.

Listen, uh, the d.A. Wants us To interrogate him

To see if there's anything To this crime

That he witnessed, All right?

Right, let's hang out. You want to do it here,

Or should we all go out And get some lunch?

We'll do it here.

But I got us a table.

[ sighs ]

I was having a drink The other night,

This bar in uptown, Next to this guy --

Big mouth, big talker, Big biceps,

No stranger To the bench press.

You know? Kind of like these guns.

[ chortles ]

[ laughs ]

[ pounds table ] He's classic.

I love it.

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

I overheard him Talking about a fire,

Arranging a fire.

Now, I did not hear Everything,

But he mentioned Cedar hill lane.

And, of course, I'm gonna Remember that because...

You used to take me To the batting cages

At cedar hill lane.

Yeah. Damn.

Touchin'.

Anyway, next day, I read In the paper, police log --

A house burnt down On cedar hill lane.

Yeah, I read that, too.

I knew I had to tell Somebody about it.

You're a detective,

And I was looking for an excuse To see you.

Uh, well, If -- if it was arson,

And more importantly, If we can prove it,

I'd say this was A pretty good lead.

Of course it is. You gonna tell him...

Or am I? I can't stand it.

No. Maybe you Should tell him. Tell me what?

Uncle nate got you a dog. Really?

He got you a dog! Show him the picture!

His name is keaton.

Now, he barks A little bit,

He's kind of An ankle-nipper,

But he is A really sweet boy.

What? Dan: got you a dog.

What? No.

No. I don't want a do--

I don't even want A picture of a dog. No.

The problem is, If you don't go to pick him up,

They're gonna Put him down.

Go ahead.

You're not gonna let Keaton die, are you?

Look at the face On this guy.

[ keaton panting ]

Ow! I think he got skin That time.

You know, you're lucky You got a dog that does that.

Ankle-biting's one of nature's Best defense mechanisms.

Now, you disable a man's ankles, That dude goes down.

Yeah, well, I'll remember that

Next time we're chasing After an evil mailman, dan.

Here's the torched house.

Is that...Samantha?

Hi, detectives!

Hey, baby.

What are you Doing here?

I was going through

The case file This morning.

The one on my desk?

Yeah.

And once I saw the word "Arson," I freaked.

I love arson --

How it just consumes

And destroys Everything in its path.

What is your dog's name?

That's izzy. That's keaton.

I love this girl.

Yeah. Yeah.

Look, it's -- it's Great that you're -- You're interested,

But we're still not 100% sure This is arson.

Yeah, we are. Look.

It's broken glass. The heat probably shattered it.

Well, I mean, The edges are curved.

That indicates Someone broke the window,

Probably to get in, And then set the fire.

If it shattered from the heat, The edges would be straight.

Oh, and I found A char pattern

In an accelerant --

Most likely To be gasoline.

I mean, I'd have to do

Some gas chromatography To know for sure.

So, um, what now?

We're still investigating... Uh-huh.

...Out here in the field.

Yeah. Uh, so we'll probably talk To, uh, some neighbors.

Yeah, if we can find any.

This place is A freakin' ghost town.

Yeah. Which is weird.

I was reading The housing report.

It said that this neighborhood Had the highest amount

Of real-estate activity In dallas-fort worth

For the past year.

Well, where's The moving vans?

Where's The welcome wagons?

Where's the sound Of lawn mowers,

Weed whackers, And whatnot?

Someone lives in a house Down the street.

I saw the lights on Earlier,

And, uh, this woman Was just driving out -- oh.

Would you remember What she looks like?

Yeah, she was like 40-ish, Blond, pretty.

Oh, and, uh, She was holding a shotgun.

Blond? Shotgun?

Okay, We'll start there.

Uh, do you mind Watching these dogs? Yeah, yeah.

Keep your eye out for this one. He's an ankle-biter.

Something's not right.

I mean, look At this neighborhood.

You got nice houses, Great location.

And yet the entire Block's deserted?

Hey, somebody's Living in there.

The tv's on.

A mysterious lady With a shotgun.

Yeah, who knows?

Maybe she's just A crappy neighbor.

You know, Frank used to live

Next to this dude Who raised ferrets.

You know that ferrets Have more glands --

Look at this.

[ engine revving ]

Might be the lone resident Of this neighborhood.

Is it just a perspective thing, Or is she gaining speed?

She probably just doesn't See us. Police!

Stop!

She ain't gonna stop. Jack: stop!

She ain't gonna stop. Stop!

[ tires screech ]

I said stay away from my house, And I mean it!

[ gunshot ]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Won't you be my neighbor?

You want to get the hell Off of my property?!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Whoa, whoa!

Calm down, ma'am. Easy.

Calm down, all right?

Uh, we're -- we're police Officers. We're cops.

Oh, yeah? Let me see your I.D., then.

Uh...Uh, I must have dropped it

When you were trying To run me over.

Yeah, let me see your I.D.

I don't have my badge!

I-I left it In the cleavage --

Uh, in the car -- I don't have it!

[ gun cocks, gunshot ]

Aah! Easy!

I am so tired Of you people

Trying to run me Out of here.

I'm over it, And now I'm pushing back.

We are cops! I swear!

[ gun cocks ] Whoa!

What you are Is leavin' -- now!

Okay, okay. One second. One second.

Dan, dan, find my badge.

What's it look like?

I-I dropped it down --

"What does It look like?"

It looks like a badge!

Dan: here it is!

Right there.

"Protect and serve."

Hey, now.

Oh, no, thank you.

I thought you were here To kill me.

Now, why in hell Would we want to harm

A beautiful, fit woman Like yourself?

Because someone's been forcing Out all my neighbors.

I'm the last one left.

They slashed my tires,

They cut my phone line,

And last week...

Somebody killed my cat.

Aw, come on. Did you call The police?

Yeah, I called the police.

They sent a patrol car,

But whoever's doing this Just waited till they left.

Yeah, well, That's cops for you.

[ exhales sharply ]

Ms. Mcallister, Do you have any idea

Who might be Behind this?

Any enemies? Ex-boyfriends, perhaps?

Current boyfriends?

Husbands?

I'm not married.

But about six months back,

I got a call, Someone asking to see

If I would be willing To sell the house.

I didn't know who they were, But they called again.

And what did you say?

I said "No."

I know they're pushing everybody Else out on this street,

But this is my home,

And I am not Gonna be forced out,

Not without a fight.

Amen, sister.

Well, Whoever's behind this

Certainly has A lot of money

If they're offering To buy your house.

Oh, yeah.

Someone wants This land bad.

[ gun cocks ]

[ cylinder clicking ]

[ gunshot ]

Man: we break ground on The development next month,

Yet there's one Homeowner left.

So, we were Just wondering...

When you expect her To be gone.

Kenny: You know my reputation.

You know that if somebody Needs a job done,

They call me -- Kenny griffin.

[ match strikes ]

Rome wasn't built in a day, Gentlemen.

And the people who lived in The place where rome was built

Weren't cleared out In a day.

[ yelping ]

See, these methods do work.

That bitch will vacate.

That land will be yours.

[ match strikes ] Now...

Any questions?

[ gun cocks, Cylinder clicking ]

Ms. Mcallister, We'll be sure

To get a patrol out here Right away.

Well, thank you, Detective.

I'm deeply sorry For your suffering.

And I promise you, I give you my word,

I will solve This heinous crime,

And I will protect Your person...

Personally.

You're gonna be My bodyguard?

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna stay Real close.

I'm gonna protect you...

And I'm gonna Protect you again...

Then I'm gonna Protect you again.

I'm gonna protect Your socks off,

As much As you can take it.

I can take it.

[ chuckling ] You can take it.

Okay!

Well, if that isn't A hallmark card,

I don't know what is.

Dan, can we go now?

What?

The glass, I found inside the kitchen.

That's where They broke in.

And the gasoline Residue --

That was pretty much Everywhere.

And this...

Oh. Tuna.

D-do you want some.

No? No.

Well, that proves It was arson.

I mean, not the tuna, But th stuff.

I'm so sorry, sam.

This is excellent Forensics work,

But you're not Authorized.

Not being part Of the department,

A judge is just gonna Rule it inadmissible.

Yes, her findings Are inadmissible,

But surely it's enough to Stretch it to probable cause?

And since when Do yo care so much

About helping Your uncle, jack? I don't.

But a crime Was committed,

And dan and I need To investigate it.

Where is your partner, By the way?

I got A pretty good idea.

Dan: come here, you!

I haven't protected you In the living room yet.

[ laughing ]

Ohh. I did not Need to hear that.

[ sighs ]

[ liquid pouring ]

[ ms. Mcallister laughing ]

[ sniffs ]

[ knocks on window ] Jack: dan?

All right! Police! Freeze!

Now, turn around Nice and slow!

Jack?

No, wait!

You want it? Catch.

[ grunts ]

Okay! Okay!

Everybody good?

Everybody safe?

I'd feel a lot safer If you closed your robe.

[ chuckles ]

So, somebody gave him 50 bucks And a bottle of schnapps

To light that house On fire.

What are we supposed to do With that?

Well, don't worry about him. He's a dead end.

Take a look at this.

I was looking at the county Real-estate records.

All the houses were sold To a single corporation.

"Kettleman holdings."

[ both laughing ] Who's kettleman?

I have no idea. I -- Nate: right?

Oh, hey! You know, I forgot.

Meredith -- Ms. Mcallister --

She saw something that I think Might be "Revelant."

Relevant? I think it is.

She saw a bunch of guys In a car

The night they lit That house on fire.

"First guy -- black, 35 to 40, cool hair.

"Second guy -- white, 60s, kind face, tall.

"Guy number one Kept calling guy number two

Ned or newt..."

[ nate laughs ]

Right? Am I right?

...Or nate?

"Newt."

No. "Nate."

Son of a bitch.

Dan: oh, no.

Hey! You're in on this, Aren't you?

And do not even think

For a second Of lying to me.

Okay.

I first met kenny griffin A year ago

Through some mutual -- Well, let's call them friends.

No, let's call them Accessories to the crime.

That's probably more accurate.

Anyway, Kenny wanted some help

Meeting some Potential new clients.

What kind of clients?

Kenny has an unusual Line of work.

Say you want to buy A property,

You want to put up condos Or a mall,

There's people living there, You want them to move --

Kenny makes that happen.

And so he -- he what?

He goes in and he beats The hell out of people?

No, no, no, no. He uses fire.

Wait. So you find clients

For a psycho who tortures And terrorizes people

For a living?

Jack, I had no idea What I was getting myself into.

I thought I was just Gonna introduce him

To influential businessmen.

I had no idea he was gonna burn People's houses down.

You worked for him For a year.

You don't know this guy. Once you're in,

You can't just say, "Oh, I quit."

He'd burn my face off.

You broke in to my house, And you lied to me!

Jack, okay.

Nate: you would have Never listened to me

If you knew I was connected.

Hell, you don't trust me As it is.

You know, forcing people Out of their homes

Is a federal offense.

If kenny is involved...

Thinking "Sting."

Well, nate is The perfect way in.

He has direct access To kenny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking code names,

Disguises, Elaborate back stories.

It's sneaky. I like it. I like it.

Jack: The two of you are thinking

About putting him at the center Of a sting operation?

Jack, he's our only way To the bad guy.

He's a con man, And I'm an idiot

For even letting him Back in my life.

No. I won't be Part of this,

Because this is Not a good plan.

This is a very, very...

Bad dog! Bad dog! [ barks ]

Get off the couch! [ barks ]

[ knock on door ]

Oh. Hi. Hi.

You want to talk About it?

Not particularly.

Do you want to drink About it?

Come in.

[ chuckles ]

Dan: all right! What'd I tell you?

Hot tubs, cold beer.

How you doing, there, Darlin'?

What more Could a man want?

One of those to go.

[ laughs ] Hey!

Barkeep! Where you at, my brother?

Detective dan stark.

Julius grant.

Good to see you out Of the pawn-shop business

And into something More legit.

Give me a bump! Come on, now!

I'm not -- I'm not bumping you.

We are not Bumping buddies.

Don't make me look bad In front of my friend.

Give me a bump, My brother!

Okay, I will give you a bump,

But you have to promise

To never call me Your brother again, okay?

It's an insult To my actual brother.

[ laughs, slaps bar ]

Yeah, we go way back. Mm-hmm.

[ glasses clink ]

[ glasses clink ]

[ laughs ] Mmm.

Oh, my!

[ exhales sharply ]

Let's talk About kenny griffin.

And your uncle nate --

It's so perfect the way That he fits in there

And he could help us

In his position.

But it can't work. You're right.

We need to find another way To do that.

Get in.

And we will...

Eventually.

You're working me.

Hmm?

You're trying To get me to agree

To use nate In this sting operation.

Your personal feelings About your uncle

Are getting in the way Of you doing your job properly.

That man Ruined my family.

No.

He told your parents About an investment scheme,

Like, a billion years ago, And they agreed to it.

So maybe you need To get over it.

[ sighs ] Sniffter.

Hmm?

[ sets glass down ]

That was the name of my dog -- Sniffter.

I loved that dog.

He slept with me in my bed Every night.

He walked me to school.

And not once did he bite me On my ankles.

And when we moved out Of that house,

We had to give Sniffter away

To some family that lived Out on a farm somewhere.

The entire ride out, My parents were telling me,

"Oh, he's going To a better place."

And I just cried And cried and cried.

That's so sad, jack.

A month later, we found out That the dog died.

A cow...Fell on him.

[ laughing ]

Oh... Come on.

...Have a little heart.

I loved that dog!

You know what? That's it. No.

I'm gonna go get More alcohol.

[ thud ]

[ groans ] Ow!

I don't want to tell you How to do your job, detective,

But I'm afraid, If we don't get jack involved,

We're not gonna be able To catch kenny griffin!

Kenny? Griffin?

Kenny "Lit his own eyebrows On fire," kenny griffin?

You kn this guy?

I mean, I-I know of him.

And listen -- You are not allowed

To speak that name In my bar ever again.

I'm not allowed to say The name "Kenny griffin"?

Don't say that name Again, okay?

Or our fists Will never bump again.

I will leave you, dan stark, And I'm serious, okay?

I will cut you off. This is not a laughing matter.

Okay. I hear you.

So, what do you know About this, uh...

This...Fella?

A couple years ago, okay, This psycho,

Whose name I will not mention,

He burned down My cousin's garage twice.

He literally came back,

Like, after the fire department Put out the fire.

He set fire To the burned building.

All right?

He double-burned it.

Brother scares the hell Out of me.

We need to take This guy down, dan.

Not without jack. No, sir.

I do not go behind My partner's back.

I mean, that's one thing I will not do.

Maybe this time, You need to make an exception.

This guy needs to be stopped Before he kills somebody.

I don't know about you,

But I think That's more important

Than some silly Bailey family issues.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. You're right.

I mean, I-I -- you know, I feel bad about flying solo,

But I feel even more bad

About letting a man Like kenny griffin just --

Unh-unh.

Kenny. No.

Mr. -- mr. Griffin!

That's it. We are done.

Uncle nate, looks like It's up to you and me.

What do you say? You ready?

Ready when you are. Okay.

Let's take down Kenny griffin.

You sure about this suit?

It feels more funeral director Than land developer.

Nate: No, no. It looks good.

Lose the handkerchief, Though.

You like a magician. Dan?

Hey! Hey, jacko! How you doin'?

Are you -- Are you going on the sting?

Yes. Without me?

Yes, we are.

We got to stop kenny.

Now we have a way To him -- nate.

Let me guess -- This was nate's idea?

It was my idea.

I am completely In control.

I got a back story And everything.

What is it?

My name Is trent cummings.

I am a building developer,

Looking to develop Some buildings.

I have some squatters I need to vacate.

Is -- is that it?

No.

I make crafts From the rattlesnakes

That I find here and there About my ranch.

I enjoy hunting.

I own a catamaran.

I once met chuck norris

In line To get some gelato.

He was gracious And fancies a waffle cone.

Oh. Okay.

Great. For a while,

I-I was worried

That you wouldn't be Believable...

And that kenny would kill Both of you.

Nobody's Gonna get killed.

He's right. Kenny's not a details man.

He just wants The deal done.

Man!

That is a sweet ride, Nate. [ chuckles ]

Whoa. When'd you get this car?

Here's the $10,000.

Okay. What?!

We're -- we're -- We're giving him a car?

You're -- You're getting 10 grand?

What the hell Is going on here, dan?

Jack, he's a wealthy Land developer.

He can't drive around In a trans am.

Dan: Look, I got the money.

You know, Everything's under control.

E-everything's fine. Let me tell you something, jack.

I looked Into your uncle's eyes...

Saw his soul.

Now, we urinated together,

Side by side.

Got a good stream. I trust him.

Okay. I'm coming with you guys.

And I'm keeping My eyes on you,

And I'm keeping my eyes On that money.

Okay, jacko. You keep the eyes.

So, nate tells me you're looking To put up some buildings.

That's right -- Big buildings.

Texas-sized buildings! [ laughs ]

All units, Maintain your positions.

Mr. Cummings Has made an offer

On a property Not far from here,

But the current tenant Doesn't want to sell.

Yeah, we can't get The guy to leave.

You can't get a man Off his property legally,

So I was hoping That you could, uh --

Oh, I don't know...

Blow this up?

"Blow the place up"?

Mm-hmm.

What kind of monster Do you think I am?

Well, I thought

You were the kind of guy Who got people, uh, to leave.

Okay, guys, He's got to take the money.

So what do you say? Let's do this!

Do it now. Let's deal.

Take that cash.

You're like a fat kid On his birthday.

You just want to get straight To the cake, huh?

Waddle, waddle, waddle. I love that cake! [ laughs ]

Who doesn't love cake?

Everybody.

You know, I once had gelato With chuck norris.

Interesting.

See, here's the thing --

My business Is all about persuasion.

Guys, this doesn't work If he doesn't take the money.

You have to start out subtle, But direct.

Mm.

I say we pay the man A little visit.

A visit? Yeah.

See if we can Make this happen

Without, uh, Blowing up the place.

Why use a flamethrower When all you need is a match?

You know What I'm saying?

You know What I'm saying.

[ clears throat ] So, where is this place?

Jack: Just say something.

All right? Make something up.

Dan: Uh [clears throat]

[ stammering ]

Oh, it's the tempo -- Tempo lounge.

The guy's name?

Uh, julius. Julius grant.

Grant, it is.

Jack: julius? Why did you get julius involved?

Dan: uh, why? Is that -- is that bad?

Did I mess up?

Oh, dang. I messed up.

Where is he? Where is he?

Where is who -- Julius?

No -- nate!

He's got the money.

He's got the money!

All units, We have a stolen gray sedan

Heading west on main!

Driver is nathan bailey, A white male, 6'4"!

[ horn honks, tires screech ]

Freeze! Get out of the car! Right now!

Dan: hey, it looks like Those ankle bites

Caught up with you, there, Hopalong.

That old lady didn't bite you In the ankle, too, did she?

Ha ha ha. Very funny.

So I distrust people, And my ankle is shredded.

That's hilarious.

Here's the cash.

You can count it If you like.

I'll count it.

[ sighs ] What were you thinking?

Giving him julius' name? Kenny's gonna kill him.

He'll be all right.

We just got to convince Julius to go along.

No! Absolutely not!

Julius, you have to Help us out here.

Okay, now, griffin is gonna walk Through that door any second.

I'm not doing this. All right?

I choose life. All right?

Now, y'all just -- Just go!

Fine. We'll go.

But you better keep A fire extinguisher handy.

Dan: Julius, listen to me. What?

All you do is pretend That you're the owner,

You refuse to sell, And you do not back down,

No matter what I say.

This is a violation Of my rights.

Okay, My right to privacy

And my right To not get burned alive!

Here he comes. No! No, no, no, no, no!

Dan: he's here! No!

It's go time! No!

I'll be in the back. Don't go to the back!

Hey! If you know what is right In your mind,

You will accept my offer

And sell this Drinking establishment!

Just listen to reason.

No. No!

I will not sell This drinking establishment.

Perhaps my associate Can convince you otherwise.

Kenny: mr. Grant.

I'm not gonna s-sell.

[ chuckling ] Now, who said Anything about selling?

We're just two guys Talking on a beautiful day.

No. I'm not gonna do it.

[ lighter clicks ]

Have you ever Smelled flesh...

While it was burning?

Uh...One time, My uncle was barbecuing,

And he put Too much gas...

The smell sticks to you.

Okay.

On your skin, In your hair.

It's a terrible thing. Okay.

Know what I'm saying? [ clatter ]

Jeez!

You know what? I changed My mind. I want to sell.

If you could just give me Like 10, 15 minutes,

I'll get all my stuff Out the office.

[ claps ] It's yours. Okay. You take it.

Very well, then.

I guess you didn't Need me after all.

Kenny, kenny, kenny, kenny! Hang on.

This is what I've been dealing with.

He says yes, But he means no!

No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's infuriating! No!

No. No?

Yes. What?

No! I'm saying -- okay.

I'm saying yes, And then I'm meaning yes.

But you just said no.

I know that. I heard "Yes."

He's playing mind games!

You playing Mind games on me?

No. I am not...

Playing mind ga--

I swear, okay? Yes.

Kenny. He's messing with us.

He's messing with us both. You cut it out!

I don't like Being messed with,

And I don't like Your sarcasm.

No. I'm not --

Listen. I'm trying to say this

With as little sarcasm As possible.

You know what? You terrify me, okay?

Who even wants a bar?

Okay, it's too much work. I got people throwing up.

I got ugly chicks Hitting on me.

I-I-I'm done. Take it!

Will you sell To mr. Cummings?

Who is that? Do no play dumb!

I'm not playing --

I don't know Who that is!

I don't even own This bar!

See? That's it. That is it. Look.

I'm gonna give you One more shot.

Answer the question -- No or yes?

I don't remember What the question was.

[ laughs ] That's it. That's it.

I am done playing Your game, pal, okay?

You have made a wrong choice Here today, sir. I didn't mean to.

Wrong choice. I didn't mean to. You're a mind-gamer!

Can you tell me What the right choice is, ple--

Mind-gamer!

Oh, dear god.

[ clears throat ]

Man.

You were right About that guy.

He's hanging on tight.

Yep.

I'll do the job,

But the price just went up A hundred-thou.

Can you make change?

No, see, That's not how this works.

Here's how we do --

I'm having an event at my house, A fund-raiser.

Smart. Lot of money Changing hands there.

That's it. That's it right there.

We're trying to save The wetlands.

Turtles are dying, bro.

Come by, Eat some shrimp,

Give me the cash, I'll do the job.

Nice and clean.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever helps the shrimp.

Poor little guys.

No. We're saving The turtles.

We're eating the shrimp.

We're eating the sh--

We're eating the shrimp, Saving the turtles.

Okay. I get it.

But if I think You're trying to play me...

Or if any surprises Come my way,

I'll burn you like A ball-park frank, brother.

See you at the party.

Okay.

Try that on for size.

Sure is small.

Sure we're gonna be able To hear each other?

You'll be able to hear A whole lot better

Than that dirty little mutt You gave me.

Howkeaton? Are you two best buddies yet?

He nips at my heels like They're dipped in bacon grease.

He's just trying To protect you.

From what? Walking?

[ chuckles ]

You know, You're a good man, jack.

Bet your folks Are proud of you.

Thanks.

Dan: Hey, hey, hey.

100 cash, Straight from hq.

All right, boys. You ready to do this thing?

Let's go over the plan first, Shall we? Yeah, good idea.

I'm gonna go Into that party,

I'm gonna eat a shrimp.

I'm gonna circle Around back,

Find some Of those tiny hot dogs.

My signal to you will be

When I dip them In the spicy mustard. Ketchup.

[ both laugh ]

Okay. Okay. Great.

Can we do it For real now?

Yeah. Okay. Now, we get there.

I will go in first, Then the two of you.

Now, uncle nate, You will hold the money

Because that is what you Would normally do in This situation, correct?

Or I could go to vegas And double it.

[ chortles ]

Do it! [ laughs ]

Yes, that's what We normally do.

Okay.

Dan, you will make contact With griffin.

As soon as that happens, You give him the cash.

He'll take care of it From there.

All right, now, Once the exchange happens,

You got to get out Of that room.

I do not want you in there When we take him out.

Ooh. Hey. I don't want to be there.

You all ready? Oh.

It's time to roll.

Good god, man. What are you wearing?

You said This was a party.

These are My party clothes.

You look like A waiter.

Really? Yeah.

At a bar mitzvah. [ laughs ] Oh, no.

You know, It doesn't matter.

You're gonna be sitting in A van listening in on the wire.

Which way is the head? That way.

That way. Oh, hey, hodges --

Just the check, When you get a chance.

[ chuckles ]

You all right, There, king?

Just...Tell me Everything is gonna work out

The way we want it to.

The only thing I know for sure

Is you never know What's gonna happen for sure.

Does not Make me feel better.

Sorry, partner. That's all I got.

Okay. We are in. Where are you?

I'm outside. Griffin's by the pool.

We're on. He's by the pool.

What are you drinking?

Whatever's closest.

Jack: what?!

No, no, no, no, no. No drinking. We're working.

Dan: jack, we're at a party. We're partygoers.

Last I remember, People at parties drink.

Am I wrong?

Here you go. Up your quota.

And down your drain.

Mmm.

Okay, guys. Can we just focus now, please?

Thank you.

Where are you?

Where are you? Where are you?

Jack: I'm at your 3:00.

3:00.

That's 11:00, dan.

3:00.

I'm not -- I'm not wearing a watch.

I don't know Where you are.

[ sighs ] To your right. On the balcony.

Gotcha.

Nate: kenny! Hey.

Thanks for having us.

Not a problem.

Dan: What a great event.

Boy...

These poor, Poor wetlands.

I tell you what -- We should dry them up right now.

I agree.

[ chuckling ] Not quite what this is about,

But I feel you.

Gentlemen... Let's do this.

All units, They're going down.

Dan: water slide. I love a good water slide.

Do you use that kenny, Or is that for the turtles?

No, no, it's not For the turtles.

Here, just, uh -- Let's step over here.

Kenny: all right.

Let's see that money.

Dan: hang on Just one second.

Tell me again what I'm getting For my hundred g.

I'm doing the job, Like we talked about.

Right. Uh...

And w-what exactly does That job entail again?

Jack: What are you doing, dan?

Kenny: What are you asking me?

What I think

Mr. Cummings Is interested in

Is the process.

Will you be using The same approach

He does with his buildings -- Am I right?

That's right. I'm a detail guy.

I love to know How things are done.

Did you know That to make a french fry,

They shoot a potato Through a cutter

At 70 miles an hour?

It's a fact.

Which is ironic

Because that's how fast It goes through my system.

[ both laugh ]

Right, right, right. You guys are funny.

For this extra large Pile of money,

I will convince mr. Grant To either sell his bar to you

Or to vacate completely.

See, I'm just -- I'm not...

Completely confident

You're gonna be able To achieve that goal.

Are you questioning My methods, sir?

What if I am?

Well, I'll just use my charm.

If that doesn't work,

I'll build a little campfire Around his house

And use his bones For firewood.

That should do the trick.

That'll do it. Yeah. Toasty.

Hodges, please tell me That you got that on tape.

Hodges: Yeah, we got it.

Fantastic.

All right. Bring your boys in.

Here you go. I'm gonna go, uh,

Get some of those Tiny, little shrimp puffs.

You guys talk.

You mind If I take a look?

Help yourself.

Here you go. Thanks.

Oh. I don't -- I don't work here.

Uncle nate, That was phenomenal.

Nate: [ chuckles ] Yeah, It went down pretty smooth.

Smooth? It was incredible. Where are you?

In the room Off the main entry.

Uncle nate, Where are you?

Jack: dan, the money's gone! Nate stole the money!

Kenny: What the...Hell?

Hey, what are You guys try--

Hold it right there.

Dallas police department. You are under arrest.

We got a runner.

Jack, we got a runner!

Griffin's on the run.

Nate's gone. Get everybody out of here.

Check the house. I'm gonna help dan.

Right.

Woman: thanks.

Seriously?

Garder bill Must be a bitch.

All right, kenny. Party's over! Come out now!

Come on! We got dallas' finest!

They're on their way! You're dead!

Ohh!

Jack: Dan, where are you?!

Under the dude Who's hitting me!

Ohh!

Are you okay?

Yeah. Well, you know, face pain.

I'm all right.

[ groans ]

I'm coming!

[ gun cocks ] That's close enough.

Okay. Hey.

It's all over now, kenny.

The cops are gonna be here

As soon as they get around That lake of yours.

Who owns a lake? Shut up!

Now, here's how this Is gonna go down, hoss.

First, I'm gonna kill Your partner, here.

Then I'm taking You hostage,

And I'm getting the hell Out of here.

You understand?

Well, that's too bad. You know why?

Because, uh, I just worry About my partner's dog.

What do I care About a dog?

He's a good dog...

But he got A real bad habit.

Aaah! Aaah!

You're a bad dude!

You're a bad dude!

That's good, jack.

Man: All right. Let's go.

[ police radio chatter ]

Dan: Uh, keep in touch, kenny.

Whew!

You know, the one good thing About this dog

Is that I now know how to bite A man on his ankle.

I think I'm gonna use that As my special skill

When I'm applying For a new job.

You're not Going anywhere.

Dan... Hmm?

...Nate did what he did Because of me.

I vouched for him,

And he stole $100,000 From the city of dallas.

I'm done.

You're not done.

Nate didn't get away With anything.

[ gun cocks ]

[ cylinder clicking ]

[ gunshot ]

The only thing I know for sure

Is you never know What's gonna happen for sure.

Does not Make me feel better.

Sorry, partner. It's all I got.

You swapped out The money?

I like to keep A step ahead.

I know a con man When I see one.

[ gun cocks ]

[ cylinder clicking ]

[ gunshot ] Hi.

Thank you.

[ gun cocks, Cylinder clicking ]

That is...Amazing!

But wait, wait.

Why did you Have me believe

That the two of you Were buddies?

Well, I had to Keep you hating him.

Otherwise, you would have Known something was up.

You see, when you spend time With a criminal,

When you drink with him, When you urinate with him,

When you go skinny-dipping In the mayor's pool with him,

You learn something About his mind.

You went skinny-dipping With my uncle?

In the service of justice, Yes, I did.

Dan, I don't know What to say.

Thank you.

What?

Come on. Bring it in.

Come on. You know it needs to happen.

Come on. Yeah.

Come on. All right.

Come on, man.

Partner.

You're a good man, Dan stark.

Call me uncle dan.

Yeah, That's not gonna happen.

[ keaton panting ]

[ knock on door ]

Oh, hi. Hi.

Oh! I'm sorry.

I should have called. No.

Uh, you said You wanted a guard dog,

And this guy -- He's -- he's reckless

Hi! And, well, He doesn't listen,

And he will nip your heels Until they bleed,

But he will guard the socks Off you, so.

Literally. [ chuckles ]

Well, thank you.

Hey, what's up, partner? You want to come in?

We were just about To have some cake.

No, I'm okay. Thanks. [ chuckles ]

All right.

Thanks, jack.

Guard dog! Whoo!

[ laughing ] All right!