Original subtitles

- Who is ? - The new judge arrived yesterday.

- Hello. - Our respects ...

- Judge? - Yes ... Judge.

- It's dangerous ? - No, no ... he's a gentleman.

Why are you talking so slowly about him?

Because I'm cold! I lost my voice!

GIOVANNONA LONG THREATS, DISHONORED WITH HONOR

Translation and Adaptation: RRZXXX

You're from the side of the place, What time do we expect?

What would you like to know?

This week, Lagano ...

What a bastard!

- That needs to be analyzed ... - Drugs ?

No, contaminated river water. Send her to the laboratory in Catania.

That's what I'm going to do.

Come over.

Hello, Mr. judge.

The report came from the laboratory in Catania.

- Okay, did you read it? - Yes, he says the water is polluted.

What a surprise, I didn't need it I know this from scientists!

I want to know the cause!

The report talks about banned substances.

Pollution is caused of industrial discharges ..

Probably made from a paint factory.

Great, we'll take action immediately ...

You're from the place Do you know of any factories near the river?

There is only one ... milk processing.

Straccolone ?!

SCANDAL IN SICILY

THE JUDGE FOUND THE SOURCE OF THE POLLUTION

MILK PROCESSING FACTORY

IT WAS CLOSED�

TOXIC BRONZE? INVESTIGATION IN DEVELOPMENT

"STRACCOLONE" SCANDAL

EARTHQUAKE IN ITALY

Commander La Noce is in the office And it can't be bothered.

I repeat, he is busy Try again!

Be careful, the typewriter and may cause a shock.

Albertini!

Albertini!

Where are you ?!

- Say do-do-sir ... - Albertini, you should relax.

If you are upset, you will stumble if you're blb�i m� sup�r, ok?

- Yes, sir... "Give me a cigar."

- I finished... - Okay, drop it.

Did you find anything "honorable"?

I've spent the last two days giving phones ...

... all "honorable" from Italy are busy ..

I knew it! The moment people they need their representatives ...

We need to find Mr. Zuzzu, He always helps us!

- I did it. - Did he hit you?

- Yes, with a pot. - Have you been to a kitchen?

No, in a clinic ... it was ceramic, what they call a night pot.

- Is he sick? - Hepatitis.

He says they were our free samples.

Hell, you know that you shouldn't eat your cheese!

What can I do? Our brochure ours is the only edible product!

It's late ...

Sure ! You are relaxed because you don't lose money!

If I go bankrupt, your ass reaches the street!

Try to laugh when You're in shit so far.

- Excuse me, S-sefu '... - You're an idiot!

- What the ?! - Commander ...

Did you listen?

Don't you want to know how we are? Terrible, my beautiful!

But with these breasts, You don't have to worry.

But I'm gone! I'm going abroad, I'm emigrating!

I'm going to Mexico, Peru, Lake Titicaca.

- What lake? - Who knows?

I think I could show up on TV.

- As an employee? - No, p-p-presenter.

- I went to the contest! - How was it ?

- F-f-formidable! - Why would he hire you?

They said I was an anarchist!

What planet do they live on ?!

Leave him alone!

- Can't you sleep? - Not !

I don't want to be the only person awake.

I realized !

- Good morning! - Hello, who's there?

- Albertini? - You look far ...

Albertini!

- Hello? - I knew it! You slept, didn't you?

No, no, not at all! Who sleeps at 2 in the morning?

I don't care, I'm awake! How do we do with Pedicotti!

- With whom - With Pedicotti!

- Who is ? - Stupid!

He was undersecretary for two years at the Ministry of Industry.

He's an important politician, could become a minister ...

... And I don't even know him! We have to court certain people ...

... like you, beautiful!

You're right, but with P-Pedicotti we have an advantage ...

... we are still "virgins".

You won't be around long, One day I'll touch your ass.

Not ! "Virgins", in the sense of Pedicotti Not yet received ...

... our free samples! - That's right, that's true ...

... but how can we get to him? - Through someone in his party.

Wait, wait

Martha, how are you?

Holy Virgin, do not tempt me! It's been 40 hours ...

Who cares, do it for six days if you want

... to Milan-San Remo, or whatever else comes to mind!

Hello, Albertini? Did I have an idea ... Albertini?

"Moron!" - Hello, who am I talking to?

Damn you ! You fell asleep ?

- No, I'm insomniac! - Good. I have an ideea.

Remember? Monsignor Alatri, Did he organize the "Children's City"?

- I was about to mention him! - I did it!

We need to find him right away.

I want to see him tomorrow. Only the Rocca Pizzo ...

... and make a reservation in Catania.

- Should I call now at 2 AM? - Sure ... you're insomniac.

Yes ... but not the monsignor!

I don't call the suburbs, but I paid the phone bill.

- How was the flight? - Superb, sir.

... a wonderful hour. Catania is so far away!

What a wonderful day ... Do you want a "cannoli"?

No, don't tempt me ... offer it is generous, however.

I hope you don't lie to your wife ...

Why should I lie to my wife? if you take an extra "cannolo"?

I was referring to the land on which you made it available for "Children's City"

You're right I forgot ...

- Also, your wife, you know? - Yes of course...

As you know, Martha is a devoted wife.

This reassures me. Clotilde, Do you want to bring the contract, please?

Immediately, Monsignor ...

I don't think he will oppose one small formalities ...

- What is it ? - A commitment ...

Your secretary mentioned the reason for the visit ...

... so I prepared a small amendment.

I see, you're wasting your time ...

My motto is, "The Road to Paradise they are infinite, and should be well covered. "

That's good!

- Do you want to sign? - Yes, yes, no, no, but ...

... I don't have a pen! - Here, a very good Japanese one!

- You can write 24 hours a day nonstop. - Nice ... you bastard!

24 hours nonstop, Japanese ... here, monsignor.

I want to take advantage of this meeting to ask you ...

I know, sir ...

- Did he tell you anything? - He didn't tell me anything, everyone knows your problem ...

Lies! Chemicals are used to purify ...

If you find a gram of them �n br�nz� ...

... I'm becoming a priest! I mean ... it's outrageous!

Sure, but in such cases you need the highest level of support ...

- We thought of Pedicotti ... - An excellent choice.

He is a devout Christian, a man of great honor.

He lives in the country with his wife Maria Annunziata, known as Mary.

- A big woman ... - Virtue?

No, stature.

They go with their secretary, Eufemia ...

... at church every Sunday.

Carmelo Pedicotti is the right man, His power is unlimited.

His word is law, his desire commands.

In the province of Rocca Pizzo, the weather is beautiful.

So if it rains tomorrow, we'll know who to blame!

We won't have any problems Let's meet him on Sunday.

- There are other problems ... - Who's upset, crook?

- No, he's honest ... - Then it's solved!

Mr. Pedicotti! Can we change two words?

Ah, monsignor! Waiting for the car, Mary ...

Come with me...

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you with two friends ...

... Mr. La Noce and his secretary, Albertini.

My secretary, Eufemia.

Mr. La Noce is the owner Straccolone, cheese factory ...

... which is, as you know, the victim of an unfortunate mistake.

116,000 errors occur in Italy Every day!

- You are a person with a lot ... - I'm just a deputy ...

Yes, but everyone says you're great ...

... that is, a great supporter of the people, who will be the minister.

Thank you for your words. The elections are coming soon ...

... and everything will be fine! Excuse me, my wife is waiting in the car!

- I'll drive you. - Thanks ...

- Alt� f�c�tur�! - Believe ?

Didn't you hear him? He wants to establish the truth.

Sir, we have to make a drastic decision.

- Don't say nonsense ... - I'm not saying anything stupid.

This will not end like this!

The priest made fun of me!

He also took the field with Pedicotti he didn't even speak!

"It's been three days!" - Pedicotti must have a weakness ...

... And if we find the weak point we would get out!

Talk to you soon and keep up the good content. but you're just talking nonsense like usual!

I know all about Pedicotti past or present ...

Don't steal, don't speculate, she has no illegitimate children ...

... don't blackmail, don't smuggle, Don't take drugs ...

... And being from Sicily It has nothing to do with the mafia!

What a terrible man!

- What is it ? - A priest from Monsignor Alatri.

Come in!

The man of providence has come. Open quickly ...

Please ...

Hello. Mr. La Noce?

Yes, I am, please take a seat ...

So, Monsignor Alatri, is there anything new?

Honestly, I don't know if I can talk ...

Speak quietly, they are my collaborators.

I have an explosive document about a certain gentleman ...

- Pedicotti ?! - I can't tell you the name ...

I knew this gentleman, which we can't name ...

... has the heel of A-A-Achilles!

He is the engineer of De Vitis, our lord helped him get ...

... the famous project "Riva dei Ciclopi"

This is the wife of engineer De Vittis ...

Oh gosh !

- Can I change ... - Not ! Oh, please.

This is Professor Tamigiani, which our lord helped ...

... to open clinics in Palermo, but as a doctor, Tamigiani ...

... it's p-p-prätie!

This is Tamigiani's wife ...

- All hell! "Disappear, Satan!"

Yes, we continue, Reverend!

This is Professor Voccia ...

... which our lord helped with an invention ...

... worth 200 million.

This is Mrs. Voccia, God forbid!

What a figure Mr. Pedicotti is!

He commissions for the wives of others.

- Sir, we're in books! - Albertini, shut up and think.

What do you want me to do, put my wife to sleep with him?

Knowing your wife, you'd better send the monsignor!

Albertini, you must be exhausted ...

... take two days off!

- Sir, I have an idea. - This time I'm going to shoot you!

Listen ... your wife only knows "the house and the church", nobody knows her ...

Why don't we replace her with another woman?

With a beautiful girl like Luisella ...

Are you crazy?

My friend plays basketball and is 1.95 meters tall!

Ask him out well if he is no longer absorbed in the connection. Can I leave, sir?

Goodbye ! What's on your mind?

It was just a suggestion ... you know How much better can I find than her?

I have a flawless plan!

Pedicotti takes Friday night the night train from Rocca Pizzo ...

... and we have to find a beautiful girl to get on the train with you ...

... that you introduced yourself as a wife! Do you understand them?

You didn't stutter at all, so it's not a bad idea.

- If I can't find her, I'll cut her ...

- I'll take it! - NOT that one ... cut my hair!

Thanks to modern technology, you can do it with a button!

- Hi, can I help you? - See, I'd like to ...

- Car, house or boat? - "A girl for Friday."

- Be more explicit. - "A girl for all friends."

- Continu�. - A lost woman ...

- Be clear. - A bitch, okay ?!

Okay last on the left.

- Hello. - How can I help you?

Mrs. from the office he sent me ...

... I'm looking for a special friend. - Tell me what you prefer ...

Tall, short, fat, thin blonde, redhead or brunette?

Honestly, not for me, but for a friend ...

Don't know her preferences?

- It has to be d-d-d-d ... - Danish?

No, honey. One that beats your heart faster when you see her.

Of course, let's see what we find ...

Blonde, big breasts, 160-180 cm ...

And, I'm sorry, let it be your talk ...

I'll put "good with fast language"

Perfect !

We will look for Turin and Venice are the best places.

The electronic brain will give us the answer in 10 seconds.

See how fast it is?

Miss G.R., number 116, will leave with Alitalia from Milan at 15:10 ...

... will arrive in Rome at 4:10 p.m.

- And will you recognize her? - No, I've never seen her ...

And as we do, we will stop all the blondes we meet?

We are in the hands of the electronic brain, who organizes everything perfectly.

The girl is going to a ton of newspapers He will buy the "Brescia Courier".

- ...l-�l ... - Of course ...

No, I mean ... fuck!

- She must be ... - Relax, we'll find out right away.

- "Bergamo newspaper", please. - Isn't the "Brescia Courier" better?

- Why ? - Bergamo and Brescia are neighbors, aren't they?

Not.

When you make love, do you talk to your husband?

Only if they call ...

"The courier from Brescia", please ...

Thank you.

- Are you from Brescia? - Yes, I'm Mr. G.R. 116.

- Incredible! - What the ?! How do I deal with it?

Men are good to me I don't mind.

Impossible, the electronic brain never make a mistake.

You're right, I'm a mistake.

I've been making a mistake since my father conceived me.

Stop laughing. You think your father he did everything right!

Sure, an electronic brain with cheese balls!

If you had asked for an assassin, He would have sent me an aircraft carrier!

I don't want to hear a harp or a chinese translator ...

... I want a T�RF�!

Bun� !

These girls have chosen a bad path ... nobody passes by here!

Boy, are you afraid of us?

Not...

I can't take one who does this for a "life" ...

If you make it a "life" should be "dead"

If you present one as Mrs. La Noce, dna. "church and house" ...

... Mister. Pedicotti convert to Islam!

Honey, what do you want me to do for you?

Come on, you don't pay taxes here!

- Are you waiting for someone? - Yes, customers.

- You're new ... - Yes.

Perfect, what I'm looking for ... Come on up!

- 5,000 pounds. "So much?" Come on up!

"What's your name?" - Coco.

- Are you kidding me? - No, my name is Coco.

Coco ... name doesn't matter ...

Would you like to earn a lot of money?

- Robertuzzo said 5,000. - Who? Ah, your fish ...

If you offer 400,000 for two days ...

... would Robertuzzo be fe-fe (co-co) ... - I'm Coco!

- Fe-Fe-happy, I meant! - I know ...

Don't you talk too much? Okay, I like that!

A woman who will ... I'll tell you later!

So, do you work two days for me?

- Well OK... - Do we have a deal?

"What about Robert?" - Don't worry, I'll take care of ...

We'll write him a note And we'll leave him at his house ...

Of course everything will remain between the two of us. as the Frenchman would say, "entraineuse"!

Come in, come in ...

To the left.

I'm going to show you ...

The first time I shared it with my mother ...

... but she went to the country. So it's all mine ...

God, what a disaster! We'll work it out later ...

Are you the queen of speed? This is Rome, not Monza!

I don't understand if you speak, but you have to to undress without warning?

You're La Noce's wife now, And you have to stay dressed ...

You can undress only when Pedicotti asks ...

Coco, do you understand or not?

We need to hurry, the train leaves at 19:00 ...

Wait, I need to buy you some clothes.

Take action ...

98 ...

98 ... when you think about it, like these breasts ...

... the lives of a lot of people depend on it!

- A hundred? - You don't have to meet them directly!

The moment you get along with Pedicotti, they will return to work ...

110.

Oh gosh... I'm about to ruin everything!

- Hello? - Damn, where the hell are you?

Wait before you hit me, you should see ...

What the hell did you do ?!

- I'm here and here ... - Did you find the girl, yes or no?

- Yes ... she's beautiful "Albertini!"

Beautiful, real, palpable!

- You're so sweet! - Me?

Yes, sweet and righteous!

With your help, I will be the happiest woman in the world!

- You can't talk like that! - Why ? Robertuzzo will never know!

What the hell is wrong with you?

- Shit, I didn't notice how you spoke! - You know, I'm very shy ...

But with you I feel free to say what I like!

Shut up!

You sure know how to make a woman happy ...

"Unlike Robertuzzo!" - Coco, shut up!

When something doesn't suit him, don't beat "my head sounds like water" ...

Coco, we're in big trouble! You can't pretend to be La Noce's wife!

Do you know what? I don't care ...

- With you I would like to ... - Oh gosh !

I should swallow the dictionary!

Albertini!

What the hell are you doing ?!

Finally, truly splendid Delighted!

Sir, she's pro-pro ...

- I can say, delightful! - Mister. At Noce, do you go by this train?

Yes, a business trip, something very important ...

... to introduce you to my wife. - Delighted, ma'am ...

Congratulations on your beauty!

And my secretary, in fact, my right arm ...

Incomparable, irreplaceable man ...

... for him, I could lose And the train and the business ...

- Sir, really ... - What do you want ?!

- We need to talk! - What happened?

I'll tell you!

- Don't push me, are you crazy ?! - We have to be alone!

I don't want to be alone with you!

Do you want to know ... it's really important!

Daddy, come back to your place!

Shameless self-promotion for Ballistic Products and a great bargain on a neat little knife for you

Not ! Not ! I was cursed since I met you!

Beautiful here! Beautiful !

Let's pretend I'm hurt And you are my assistant!

- You're so beautiful! - Do you want to meet my brother?

Come here, beautiful You're on the wrong train!

I'm done with this!

- Get inside, move! - Get your hands off me!

- You'll pay for it! - Yes, of course ...

Idiot, at the last minute you're telling me it won't work ... why ?!

Every two words she says "fuck"!

I don't say no! "Damn it!" I just said I like him ...

But I have to go to bed ...

With Walnut, With Pedicotti, with the master of ceremonies, who the hell knows

- Do you always talk like that? - No, worse!

Didn't you realize earlier?

I was looking for a double, not a Nobel Prize winner!

- Get her off the train! - WHAT THE ?!

It's too late now ...

- You're fired! - No train?

- Yes. - Dismissed on a moving train?

- Yes ! - I understand ...

I'm a mistake, I have no reason to live!

Give me a rope!

What are you doing to hang yourself?

No, I'll stop the suitcase never mind!

Go to hell with your suitcase!

Dle. Are you on a train?

Like every Friday ...

Lemon juice with a spoon of baking soda and sugar, please ...

... and a fernet wine for the lady.

Dle. Peticotti, this is the day of the meetings for you!

Attorney Rossi, Colonel Maccicch, and La Noce!

- You know La Noce, sir. ? - La Noce ... Do we know La Noce?

Yes sir, the Romanian industry with factory in Rocca Pizzo.

Monsignor Alatri introduced him to you, we had to meet him ...

Did he talk to me?

Yes, on a Sunday afternoon, a very interesting person.

Now I remember. An industry with a rather unfortunate situation ...

But you should see his wife!

"Is it beautiful?" - Incredibly beautiful!

- Did you meet her? "I haven't had the honor yet ..."

- It's a miracle! - Her husband must be very jealous!

In fact, she's hiding it!

But he has to come to dinner, So I have to get her in the dining car.

I bring you sandwiches, but don't move from here.

- Good luck ... - And you, honorable ...

- Goodbye... - Your wine.

- Hello. - Hello...

- Mr. La Noce ... "Mr. La Noce!"

- My dear friend ! - We were just talking about you ...

I hope so!

Don't be modest, how else?

- You are a special woman - How can we talk?

- I don't want to bother you ... - Don't bother us.

To show my sympathy I invite you and my wife to dinner

With ... with his wife? Sure ?

I know she's on the train too ...

... but a "hidden" one.

I hope you don't want to insult me refusing me!

I would never like it ...

I was glad I had another meal ...

... so we're not crowded! - Yes, we are not crowded ...

It's so good here and this Fruit salad and delicious ...

Yes, really great ...

I see the lady she doesn't really like fruit salad.

By no means do you love her, She's crazy about it!

- Sir, do you go to Sicily often? - Yes, whenever possible!

Do you know Sicily?

No, he doesn't know her, but you're so right to take a little vacation ...

I do it as many times as I can!

I'm very busy this week, I need to organize my library ...

Euphemism, by the way ... I suggest you go to bed ...

... you will have a full day tomorrow. - Actually, I ...

Go, go! Guests will apologize ...

- Good night, everyone! - Have a good dream, ma'am.

Sent from heaven ...

Thank you, and ...

Goodbye...

I'm sorry ...

It was my fault, I have a way ...

Wait, wait!

No, don't worry ...

No, ma'am, you don't have to do this ...

... I'm deeply moved ...

... I can't afford ...

... well, what the hell ...

I'm Peticotti's secretary.

- A pleasure ... - Not for me.

You gave him the booth number, And my cabin no.3. Is too far.

- Who has the number 6? - Please check ...

Mr. Straccolone, Which also has the number 5 ...

This is not a man, this is a company, It is reserved for 3 people.

So, is there a vacant cabin next to me?

Yes, number 1, on tomatoes, nobody wants it.

- Okay, put Peticotti there. - On the tomatoes?

Yes ! Since we can't put it under them!

- Steward? - Yes, ma'am?

In the cabin next to the people I'm making a big fuss ...

- We want to change cabins. - Fuck me, what a night!

- I mean, I can't kick them out! - Good, very good !

O s� v� dau cabina 7 it is a very comfortable one.

- Is it soundproof? - Totally sound and comfortable!

Good luck ... I'm wrong or is the lady silent?

True, she's not talking, but ...

"Mrs. Deep down ..." - "Fon" what?

He founded two major charities ...

... and to make sure you succeed he took an oath at Saint Rocco.

Ah, yes, I forgot ... a 24-hour oath of silence!

This is very noble ... I'm just sorry I can't hear her voice.

The oath ends tomorrow at lunch

Isn't it time to go to bed?

- Yes, my wife is very tired. - Do you want a coffee?

Please drink some coffee he only sleeps until Christmas!

God, I'm really excited ...

Thanks, I'm moving for your kindness ...

She can't talk, so translate for you

- Good night ... - Thank you very much. Come on, honey ...

"Holy Mother of God, what a woman!" - Yes, extraordinary ...

You know her well tell me about it.

- What kind of woman is she? - Mrs. La Noce is a saint ...

"A saint?" - With all the sacrifices of a saint ...

... but at the same time the devil!

- In what sense? - One way, straight to hell!

- She is ... "Really?"

- No, it's ... - Dry?

- SEXY! - A slave of his senses?

In other words, is he "good in bed"?

On the bed, by the bed, on the blanket in other words, it's "NYMPHOMAN"!

And nymphomaniac? And what about Saint Rocco?

She wears you for hours, days, s ...pt�m�ni ...

... until you turn into rubber, then she returns to her senses ...

... has an attack of religious remorse, You become a saint!

What an incredibly exciting scenario!

Holy virgin!

You are an excellent organizer ... to arrange something in secret.

- Waiter, Champagne! - A very good idea ...

- We're there ... - Where, in Sicily?

No, with the Honorable Pedicotti ... I settled everything.

She's in the next room ... at the first song of the rooster ...

... I'm going to let him know that I convinced your wife.

- The "house and church" woman? How? - At night, she turns "home and horny"!

My mind is a miracle!

- Steward? - What ?

- Steward, what's my cabin? - I don't know, sir ...

- Don't you know? - Ah, you are Mr. Peticotti, the Honorable!

- Not really, now ... - A bottle did not dishonor anyone.

- But three, yes! - You have booth no. 1, sir.

- This way, please. - Here ?

- You'll have a special night here. - I hope so!

Harder, he may not have heard you!

Yes, I like it Shoot me ..

... kiss me, kiss me on the mouth, kiss me on the tool!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes ... who cares about the honorable ...

Bravo, you are great!

You are formidable!

Stop ... we're here to work! Stop it, you bastard!

Sir, I let myself go the wave of passion!

You bastard!

Steward!

What happened, ladies?

It's impossible to sleep next to each other Someone says "tool"!

Or someone else says "you bastard"!

My apologies, these things are happening, only in the best wagons!

You don't have a cabin 9.

After that, it's just a locomotive.

Don't worry, person from cabin 8 it's deaf-mute!

Battipaglia train station!

Is anyone there ? Steward!

- Good evening ... - Hi, I'm looking for a bed ...

... don't let me down. - No, not of course ...

Take this, honey.

Come on in, take a look and enjoy yourself! there are still free beds.

Thanks, how lucky I am I met you!

Here, cabin 7 and goal� ...

Do I have to do anything before I can enter?

I don't know, toilets I'm at the end of the car ...

No, not stupid, I meant the ticket ...

- I'm back with the punch. - Ah, the punch ...

- 'Good night ... - Yes, good night ...

P trenn� �i-n train!

- Can I help you, sir? - No, thank you, I'm going to the bathroom ...

Okay, I'm going to announce Pedicotti, I'm going to my cabin ...

Wait 10 minutes and then you go to the Pedicotti In the cabin 7 ...

Remember, don't open your mouth ...

- Shall we synchronize our watches? - Go for it!

It is for the good of the enterprise ...

Sir, aren't you sleeping yet?

The champagne went up in my head ...

- Are you sick? - Am I okay now ... and ma'am?

I convinced her, she'll be in her arms yours immediately.

- Can't I wait for her here? - In cabin 7 ...

I'm going to look forward to it ...

Who is ?

What are you doing here ? You were supposed to be in cabin 7!

- But I like number 5 ... - Don't be silly, go to Pedicotti!

I don't care about Pedicotti? I like you. If I had a man like you ...

I know, but I'm leaving! Go to Pedicotti!

Not so fast, darling! When I want to make love ...

... I do it to the end! If I don't get the hiccups!

God, what nipples! And what wonderful feet!

I shouldn't brag, but at home I'm called "Giovannona long thighs".

Robertuzzo changed my name ... he said Coco's name is more refined.

- Dear ... - What are you doing ... that's your nose!

Fuck' ! They even put handles on it!

Number 3?

What would Pedicotti do, if you knew!

- What the ? - I knew you were coming!

That's why I left the door open!

No, no, ma'am! For God's sake, stop!

Ma'am, I'm deeply moved I'm on my knees next to you ...

... to express myself deep admiration.

I know you can't talk, but that doesn't matter ...

I'll take matters into my own hands ...

... to warm you up to stimulate you ...

.. until our embrace becomes an angry flood ...

... unstoppable and incandescent like the eruption of Mount Etna!

Over these shoulders, over this hip ...

... over this prominence ...

... my hands ...

Mother !

Help ! Help !

It's a crab! He caught me with a crab!

Las�-m�, Las�-m�!

I feel bad, Lord, I feel bad!

Help, steward, help!

Help !

- Give me ... - What happened?

- He's not a crab, he's gay! - HOMO ?!

Race Rocca Pizzo!

The train from Rome to Catania-Syracuse ...

... arrives at platform 3.

That's it ! No discussion! Get the first plane to Rome!

I'm sorry, but you fired me, so I can stay wherever I want.

Are you smart? I'm hiring you again She ordered Rome to return!

- Can I take her with me? - Yes Yes...

I'd like to, but Pedicotti knows she's my wife And it has to stay.

- Sir, face-to-face ... - I'm making you cry, damn it!

I'll fix things ... I put it in In this mess, I'll take it out ...

Sir, where are you going? That's the toilet!

No more talking! Disappear!

- Goodbye, Coco ... - What the ? See you again!

- Can I give her a kiss? - Are you crazy?

- Sir! - Pedicotti is coming!

First flight, okay? Come over...

- Bye... - Goodbye, Coco!

- Honorable ... - I'm going to Rocca Pizzo ...

... if you want to go ...

Is your secretary not working?

No, he must return to Rome with urgent matters.

What a nightmare ...

Coming from the toilet, distracted by certain thoughts ...

I went ... down the hall I went into the wrong cabin.

Nightmare scene!

Aren't you having breakfast with us?

It will be a pleasure Isn't that right, Euphemia?

And Mary will be ...

Thanks, but I have to go at a business meeting

Then we'll take it later at 2 p.m.

- Can't you hear the shoes making noise? - What's wrong ?!

"Where does Albertini live?" - There...

... on the second floor.

Look at him!

Thanks ... for giving me something ...

Keep the rest ...

What the hell!

Who wrote them ?!

Officer Thisson ... Thisson ... Thisson ...

This bastard should get a kick in the ass!

Welcome back, I've been waiting for you for two days!

Me ?

"Coco will be back in two days don't worry Mario Albertini. "

It even has Coco's scent ...

You are Mr. Robertuzzo. I wrote it so you don't have to worry.

Coco gave it to me ad-ad-ad ... address ...

- Where's Coco? - You mean, like, coke ...

- Come on, people are robbed here ... - That's nothing, where's Coco?

- E la-la ... - Don't sing, I'm getting nervous!

The lady is working on something useful for her career ...

- He's in Sicily right now. - Not Sicily ...

People are always robbed here ...

What the hell is he doing in Sicily?

I can't tell you if our discussion would degenerate ...

So far I'm relaxed!

Coco is with my boss, La Noce, claiming to be his wife ...

- Why is he doing this? - To sleep with Pedicotti ...

Is he involved? That's a big deal!

I think ...

You son of a bitch!

Doing business with her, without my permission ... I'll kill you!

What beautiful hands you have! Don't soil them with a murder!

Enough for today ...

If I understood correctly ...

... Mr. La Noce And Pedicotti ...

Yeah, and ... what's up with that?

I don't know ... but I have an idea.

Did you see my head? It's a factory of ideas!

And you saw that It's an assembly line!

Geniuses should work together!

- You are right ! - Stop, you don't know who you're dating!

- A miserable one. - What you said ?!

Where is he going?

I took my liberty, for You must have understood, madam. La Noce.

Thanks for the info, Robertuzzo ...

... but I stopped being interested by my husband for a while.

Maybe I didn't get it, dna. La Noce ...

- My daughter does it for a living. - The "way"?

She goes with men ... I mean ...

... and the T�RF�!

I'll pray for her. Life with my husband it wasn't a pleasure ...

God, let me explain the facts. Your husband took Coco to Sicily ...

... And he introduced her the Honorable Pedicotti.

The Honorable? Why ?

He claims to be his wife, for that Pedicotti shot her!

- What the ? - A perfecti �n�eles perfect ...

- What infamy! - You're right ...

My bitter is bitter!

Madam, did you have sugar?

I have to stop, I'm leaving right away!

- Mine is sweet ... - I'll make him pay!

I don't like to fly, is a fast train to Sicily?

You don't have to ... I mean, if you want to ...

My car is a racing car!

Okay, you're taking me. Come back in an hour And I'll be ready to go

I'll show everyone the real lady. La Noce!

- Who is this ? Mrs. La Noce! - Bun�, Robertuzzo ...

Hi, how beautiful you are!

I never imagined you were hiding such a beauty ...

- You're flattering me ... "On my honor!"

I'm going to hell, if i lie ... please ...

- Thanks ... - This is my rocket ... hop up!

- I'm sorry I'm late. - I just got here.

Hey, aren't you allowed to park here? Be nice!

Now fuck her!

You don't say "damn I like it" you say "i'm delighted"

Can you or can't you? Repeat ...

- "I'm delighted". - Bravo!

- How's it going? "Oh, my goodness, Monsignor."

- Any progress? - Aa �i a�a ...

Try, but it's "hard-headed"

- Don't call me "heavy-headed"! - But how do I tell you?

- "Dry head"! - We will never succeed.

I'm afraid you have the wrong approach, you confused it with slang ...

Let's see ... you don't say "heavy head" or "dry head".

- You say "�nc�p���nat�". - That's right, I heard it said ...

"Nc�p���nat�".

Suppose you are introduced to someone, what do you say?

- "A pleasure to meet you". - Perfect !

What if I invite you to dinner?

- "I hope I don't mind." - You heard ?! It's not bad at all.

Thanks, I kept repeating them And you play the pedagogue!

- Peda-ce? - Drop it!

Now tell the monsignor ...

... what would you say to Pedicotti if he proposed to you to sleep with him!

Oh yes...

"Honorable, go and kill yourself!"

No, holy virgin! With grace and delicacy!

Forgot your answer number 6 6?

"You are an attractive man ...

... but they come from an old family And I don't have these desires. "

Did you get the idea? I numbered the answers ...

Now number 7, tell him if he insists ...

"Don't insist, sir, And I'm human ...

... and you could forget about me for a moment".

That's a little risky ... but I realize that could be useful.

Damn, we need to go now Let's recap the number 1.

Hello, please excuse us c v� deranj�m ".

"God, it's a real pleasure."

- We don't want to cause any inconvenience ... - God, ma'am. La Noce ...

... it's our pleasure. - Mr. La Noce.

Delighted, you are a source of grace and beauty ...

Thanks ... you'd rather come in or stay in the garden ...

As you wish I don't care where I get it ...

Number 3 ... 3!

It's 1 o'clock, not 3 o'clock.

I'm happy with whatever you choose ...

Carmelo ... then to enjoy the sun in the garden?

Of course let's enjoy this beautiful day!

Being so clear we can even see Etna!

What a beautiful day ...

Come on in, take a look ...

Let's go eat, we'll be happy of the beauties of Sicily later!

Good, Robert!

Where are you going ? Come here!

Do you like that? My mother is going to buy it ...

No, no ... I already bought it!

No, stop candies are not good ...

It's spicy!

- It's cool! Can he talk? - If not, I'll take her back!

Hey, it's perfect! He can really pee!

Did you kidnap my baby ?!

- What a maniac! - It looked fake.

Are you tired?

Not at all ! If I don't fall, it's not fun!

Hello.

Get a coin ...

Mul�am '.

One day they will put 100 pounds on me!

With a nose like yours no wonder! Wipe it off!

This is my territory, give me the currency And stretch it out until I pull one!

Keep the rest ...

- You are very beautiful ... - Thank you.

A woman like you can do it kilometers ...

I don't think so, I'm a la�� ...

Maybe you misunderstood. You've been a slave so far.

You should take care of your life! Trie�te-�i via�a!

- I'm sorry, what do you mean? - Live your life!

If you let me guide you, I'll show you an unimaginable world ...

You're faster than Robertuzzo's car!

It's over! You're just a dump!

The water is very good!

It's the first time I've seen a pool Not a condom!

Wonderful...

I didn't know we had to swim ...

I have an old-fashioned education, I won't do it!

- I'll sit on ... - On what ?

On the back, of course ... Relax, get carried away.

What a body ... blessed be the water ...

... who embraces you!

Very well !

Mna st�ng�!

Now it's my turn! Oh!

Mna st�ng�!

Wonderful...

Excellent...

- My ankle ... - Do you think you sprained your ankle?

Let's hope it's nothing, lean on me ...

How shameless!

Trust me. Relax ...

Strange when I was 18 years old I suffered the same accident ...

My opponent started massaging me, as you do ...

- It was my first love. - What a coincidence!

Maybe Giambattista Vico was right...

- Is that his name? - Not !

But, yes so good in the story ...

Ah, you're right, we remember some things after years. Well, not so many!

- You are very young! - I wouldn't say very young ...

Don't be modest, with skin so fine ...

- Sir ... - Mary, what happened?

- Nothing nothing ! - Did you fall and get hurt?

It's just nothing a raised ankle ...

Yes, it's nothing ... Mr. La Noce has a touch of gold.

I didn't know you had therapeutic skills ...

Just practice!

I already feel better, darling ...

I'm going to set the table.

Of course, one of the guests can you help me ...

Yes, a very good idea ...

- We don't want to bother you! - No problem!

- It could actually be overnight! - Yes, it wouldn't be uncomfortable!

We have a guest room, which is better than any hotel!

Yes, he's right, you'd better ...

The guest room is the solution!

Come on, baby, run out of gas and don't let me down!

Are you drowned or what?

Don't you see that the car is full of smoke?

He has all the vices, son of a bitch!

White smoke .. 'habemus papa' (latin�)!

The 'smoke' engulfed the engine!

Martha?

Hey, Martha!

What are you doing ? My leadership style has exhausted you!

Yes, a little ...

Because the ferry is just leaving Tomorrow morning, we'll wait here.

01: 02: 20,592 We'll eat something, then we'll take a nap!

Yes, I'm hungry for a wolf!

The wolf!

She's hungry, isn't she?

Go Robertuzzo, don't be silly, this is a great opportunity!

Here, darling!

- This is my bedroom. - What the ?

I always sleep alone ...

I sleep alone, my husband is struggling!

- Aren't you afraid? - Yes, for every little noise ...

- And the night is long when you spend it alone ...

What do you mean ...

What the ? But you have a beautiful wife!

She's not talking to me, My wife is cold ... frozen!

- Mary? - Yes ?

Mr. La Noce must be tired we should let him rest ...

We were talking ... Mr La Noce asked ...

... If we could go tomorrow Let's visit Mount Etna.

- Etna? - Yes.

What a great idea!

- Good night, darling ... - Good night, ma'am, thank you ...

Good night, Mary ...

Coco?

What is it now ?

It's night, we're in bed ... I'm a man, you're a woman

Damn it...

If you don't want to sleep with Pedicotti, Aren't you doing it with me?

- Leave me alone, I'm tired! - You can do it!

I don't want to do anything!

- But it's ridiculous for both of us to sleep. - I'm going to have a stroke!

I'm awake for two nights!

Maybe a coffee ...

Where the hell is he going?

... Fuck'...

Of course, I'll bring it to your room!

- Thank you, you are very kind ... - Oh, it's nothing!

- Matilde! - What's up tonight?

- What did our guest want? - Coffee

- Ah, does he want to be in shape? - Shall I prepare it for her?

Yes ... and bring me sleeping pills.

A few sleeping pills ...

I'm sending him to sleep, and I can play the "decameron"!

Come on!

- A tablespoon of sugar. - Thank you.

Coco, wake up!

- Coffee ... - What the ?

Is it time to wake up?

No, stay in bed, it's time for some exercises ...

Bea, o �nghi�itur� ... Good?

Disgusting!

Coco, stop playing! Don't be silly!

What's up with you ?

How can a woman like you s n-aib� s�nge-n vene?

Coco?

Albertini brought me the mummy of Ramses II!

Sir?

Sir ... Let me show you the benefits an honorable wife?

Sleep, you cuckold!

What a wonderful woman!

God? God!

I'm Pedicotti! Your husband is sleeping ...

Let's get started!

You took an oath, didn't you? I don't like vows ...

What a woman ! How can you sleep with this elephant bottom!

Is the cuckold upset?

Come on, I'll take you to my room. Don't worry, I'll take care of it ...

Come with me...

Holy Virgin!

God ... God!

What a beautiful woman!

- Who is ? - Me.

- What do you want ? - Open up, I'm scared!

Afraid of what?

God, Carmel! Ghosts!

Now the ghosts!

- One moment ! - Ghosts!

Open Carmelo, they're ghosts!

One moment !

Carmelo, let me in!

What the hell is wrong?

- What thirst? - I'm scared, I heard noises.

I saw ghosts in the garden, let me stay, I'll be silent!

- Carmelo, please! - Fuck the ghosts!

"I am waiting for you in my room at midnight "

Now we'll see Who's the cuckold, dear Pedicotti!

Nobody stops, Maybe I think I hurt my finger

Are you young, have you been waiting for a long time?

No, I was a child when I arrived!

Get up, fast!

- Mulam '... - Put on your seatbelt, we're leaving!

Gata, go!

- This car is fast, isn't it? - You are right.

- Where you go ? - Catania.

Perfect, I'm going to Sicily too!

Can you hear the engine spinning? Look at the inside!

Carpets, air conditioning, stereo radio cassette player!

Turn on the radio!

Traffic jammed on Highway 213 ...

... and thick fog is reported on the mountain slopes.

Hold on tight, we're about to take off!

To all offers ...

Police are looking for a Maser, stolen an hour ago from Naples.

The thief escaped from a hospital of mental illness.

It is considered dangerous ...

... because he's half blind. This is where the news ends.

We're going back to the music program now.

Don't turn on the wipers? They have two speeds.

Fantastic, isn't it?

- Who is this ? - My grandfather !

Are you sure this engine is safe?

You're right, young man ... at 300km / h the spark plugs explode.

No, I was ... I made myself!

- Where are you going ? - In the bathroom, pee ...

- You can't. - Why ?

I have to go, I'm full of pee ...

- I'm full too "But I'm honorable!"

Excuse me, excellent!

God, how hard it is!

After all this effort, Should I shoot her twice?

God, nobody's going to bother us here, It's my wife's room ...

I'll be right back ...

Mrs. Mary, I found your message ...

Is it midnight ... ma'am? I don't see anyone here ...

Coco!

What happened? What did that pig do to you?

What happened? Are you cold, what did he do to you?

- Oh, have mercy! - Ma'am, it's me, La Noce ...

Are you crazy? If my husband finds out, he'll shoot us!

Okay, but not on the door, it's better to go out the window ...

Just go, please! I beg you !

- Mary, what are you doing here? - What ?!

I was in my bathroom, you stay for hours!

- Sure ? - Absolutely, Carmelo ... wine.

Come in, the bathroom will be free all night.

"A man came out of the window to your wife, you are a cuckold "!

I'll pay for it!

No kidding, Coco, say something! I'll pay for it if you die!

For a girl like you, I'm going to be a criminal!

Coco, say something! Be good, a word ...

- Sir ... - Thank you, God!

... what the hell'. - It's okay, thank you.

Hold this!

Carmelo! You know, I don't like being tough!

I'm full ! But an empty one comes after ...

Hey, do you want me to take you somewhere?

Okay, but you climb back through the flowers.

- What, in the back? - So why ?

Where are the dead?

- No one complained ... - But someone could.

- Who says ? - The newspaper.

"Five died in one road accident ", he writes.

- Come on, slow ... okay. - I hurt everywhere.

I can't even move, Do you want to make me worse?

Let's go, Nicola!

Cat, take care of the cat! Hello, ma'am ...

- Hello, honorable. - You're a wonderful woman.

- Thanks ... - I would do anything for you.

Please, I don't want to to cause you problems ...

I'm sorry about last night, but I was strictly supervised ...

My wife is very jealous ...

"By the way, haven't you seen her?" - Before...

... then they went on a trip to the volcano.

Have they already left? Is she alone with your husband?

- Just the two of them? - Only they ...

- Aren't you jealous of him? - They're human too!

They're all human, but you don't think so that something could happen?

Well, my husband smokes "just smoke" ...

Wonderful! His pistol is no longer loaded!

You will feel with me You are in the front line!

Lav� passed through here in '71.

The volcano may erupt, when you least expect it ...

It sounds scary!

In fact, my husband never did He's not coming here, he's scared!

As a child he was about to die of an eruption ...

Are you scared?

With a woman like you, I'm just scared of myself ...

Mister. at Noce, what do you mean?

You bastard!

Go on these stones, it's not easy ...

But you don't like this landscape, as if taken from "Dante's Inferno"?

I'm very hot!

- What are you looking at? - I heard a noise ...

... who don't know what it can be. But, I see nothing!

- Are you sure you don't see anything? - Ma'am, don't be cold!

- Then warm me up! - Yes, I'll warm you up!

No, ma'am!

An eruption!

Help !

Forgive me, Lord, if I have sinned! Let's go!

Are you leaving me in this hell ?! Wait for me, sir!

I'm a "respectable" woman!

Stop it! I'm a "respectable" woman!

Stop it !!

- Hello, I hope to see you again! - I hope not!

Hi, Coco! Where is La Noce?

- The volcano! - What, "he can't say no"?

- The volcano! - Oh, "He lost his halo"!

Wait ... I'm going inside s ne �n�elegem!

What happened Who made you mayor?

I didn't go for a ride!

How are you buddy ? It's a pleasure to see you again!

Help, save him!

- It's back! - Help !

- I can't swim! "Leave me alone, madam!"

Hold it!

Come over ! Here...

Come on, ...

No, you broke your neck!

Mom, what house? Is there anyone?

Trie�te!

- Sir. Pedicotti ... - What did you want to do? Explain yourself!

Martha, Martha, I'm going to kill someone!

- Are you spying on me ?! - What the ? I can not hear you !

Curved! Do you think you're on vacation?

What can't I take on vacation? when I want, I'm a free woman!

No, you just do what I tell you! You have to respect me!

I protect you from exploiters!

Quick, my husband is worried! They're making a scene for us!

Don't run, have mercy on my foot!

If you want to be a whore, you have to take everything seriously!

The only whore here is your sister!

- How dare you? - What else do you want ?!

How dare you love a lady!

- Who the hell are you? - I own the house!

Go fuck yourself, you idiot!

What the hell' ! You don't know who I am!

Oh, the foot!

Get out of the way!

Marta, how did you get here? I �mbr�cat� a�a?

- I came to meet your mistress. - How dare you, apologize immediately!

Here you go !

- T�rfo! - You bitch!

What are you doing Stop it!

Albertini, darling, what did they do to you

That's enough, you ladies!

Ladies, calm down! This is a respectable house!

Shut up, old pimp!

Marta, please try to understand!

It's a matter of business!

I did it to save you of this pervert!

He likes the wives of other men, So I hired a fake wife.

How dare you talk like that!

Help ! Help !

- God, I'll be right back! "He's wine!"

Let him go, I take care of him!

This is a kidnapping, I'm sending you all to jail!

- What is this ? - A sedative.

I don't want to be sedated, I am a free citizen!

What did I break, Doctor?

Can't you talk? Are you stupid?

You took me to the worst doctor!

You will pay for everything!

You heard ? You will pay for all the damage!

- Who I ? - Leave him alone, he's in shock!

I'm a victim of a evil plot!

- Shut up! - How dare you?

You, sir, are a bastard!

- And a cuckold! - It's not true, I didn't do anything!

Maybe, but he deserves to be cuckolded, You too!

What the hell are you talking about ?! Fuck you, monk, please!

- Peace be with you ... - And with you, father ...

I see you reunited ... How are you, son?

- Good compared to my uncle. - Who's your uncle?

He died !

I don't want painkillers anymore!

- Who he is, I don't know him ... - Nobody knows me!

You'll see me tomorrow a newspaper article in the newspaper ...

Don't want to hear a summary?

"It was once an industry, which after polluting the river ...

... with its factory, asked for help from an honorable ...

... which I will not name, but I'll show it with my nose! "

Thanks ...

In this period of combining social needs And industrial development ...

... Mr. La Noce, which you know ...

.. and the Honorable Pedicotti, future deputy ...

... they managed to save Hundreds of jobs ...

... of the Straccolone company, whose products ...

... now they are sold abroad!

He's a flirtatious secretary, not like the Albertini idiot!

- He's so smart! - Full of resources ...

What do you not understand? The night is better than the day!

- In what sense? - The night brings more money!

You only work five hours!

Plus we can use the day to ...

It's a delicate thing ... I have to think again ...

No discussion ..., I'm not afraid of anyone ...

Once I want something, I get it!

If I decided to work at night, You will work at night, do you understand ?!

Good...

- Bye... - Stay calm.

It's a dead night ...

- I only had two clients ... - Good luck!

Who is this princess?

What are you doing here ?!

- You are without shame! - Stupid!

Look who's talking!

- Move your ass out of here or ...! - Yes, go!

What the hell do you want from me ?!

I lie to you! Whores!

What's with this noise?

And who are you?

Listen to the boy, this is Francesco's territory!

Francesco? Who is Francesco?

Who the hell is Francesco? Who is ?!

Frankie, show the bastard ...

"Francesco, don't hurt me!" - Go to hell !

Not !

Francesco. You kill him!

Come over...

Did you see his hand?

Come on, honey, wine ...