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1
00:00:05,287 --> 00:00:07,724
[scary music]
2
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:10,549
- Halloween on my block
was dope.
3
00:00:10,632 --> 00:00:12,982
It was the only
time you could wear a mask
4
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,241
without white people thinking
you were gonna rob 'em.
5
00:00:15,239 --> 00:00:17,589
And people went all out.
6
00:00:17,672 --> 00:00:19,544
The dude in the Reagan mask
7
00:00:19,629 --> 00:00:22,806
won the scariest-costume
contest three years in a row.
8
00:00:22,888 --> 00:00:25,108
- No!
9
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:28,064
- Even businesses
went hard for Halloween.
10
00:00:28,146 --> 00:00:30,322
- $1, $1 will get you one
small pumpkin.
11
00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:32,365
$5, $5, that'll get you
5 pumpkins.
12
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:34,320
Now, that's math.
13
00:00:34,404 --> 00:00:37,354
- But every Halloween, I got
stuck doing Halloween chores.
14
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:38,665
[knock at door]
15
00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:40,500
By the way,
those are real cobwebs
16
00:00:40,533 --> 00:00:42,100
we took off my dad's wallet.
17
00:00:42,184 --> 00:00:44,055
[suspenseful musical flourish]
18
00:00:44,140 --> 00:00:45,663
- Hey, Mr. Omar.
19
00:00:45,661 --> 00:00:47,487
Is that what you look like
without makeup?
20
00:00:47,486 --> 00:00:48,835
- I don't wear makeup.
21
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,748
Maybe a little corpse blush.
22
00:00:50,832 --> 00:00:52,399
But don't tell Widow Jarvis-
23
00:00:52,484 --> 00:00:53,790
I mean, Jackson.
24
00:00:53,875 --> 00:00:55,920
[chuckles]]
Baby, why don't
25
00:00:56,005 --> 00:01:00,618
you go upstairs and dry your
pretty eyes on my silk sheets?
26
00:01:00,612 --> 00:01:02,220
- Well, Happy Halloween,
I guess.
27
00:01:02,219 --> 00:01:03,960
- Wait!
28
00:01:03,958 --> 00:01:06,306
I made you guys some of my
world-famous pumpkin soup.
29
00:01:06,304 --> 00:01:10,091
- [sniffs] What is that?
$13.63 worth of soup?
30
00:01:10,172 --> 00:01:11,564
Get in here!
31
00:01:11,649 --> 00:01:14,826
- I just love Halloween-
the costumes,
32
00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:18,043
the sweets,
the worshipping of dead bodies.
33
00:01:18,125 --> 00:01:20,171
How are you celebrating?
- We're not.
34
00:01:20,255 --> 00:01:22,185
My boss is throwing
a Halloween party
35
00:01:22,254 --> 00:01:23,944
and expects everyone
to be there.
36
00:01:23,993 --> 00:01:27,866
- And what are you kids doing
on this All Hallows' Eve?
37
00:01:27,861 --> 00:01:29,687
- Being forced into eating
candy to look for glass,
38
00:01:29,686 --> 00:01:31,514
razors, or needles.
39
00:01:31,512 --> 00:01:34,078
I'm basically a crash test
dummy for my lovely siblings.
40
00:01:34,075 --> 00:01:35,684
- I'm just chilling
this year, too.
41
00:01:35,683 --> 00:01:37,292
So many girls want to
hang out with me.
42
00:01:37,291 --> 00:01:38,640
I don't know who to pick.
43
00:01:38,725 --> 00:01:41,163
- Player to player,
I understand.
44
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,116
Who's gonna take
Miss Tonya trick-or-treating?
45
00:01:43,114 --> 00:01:44,768
- I'm almost a grown woman.
46
00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:46,854
What I look like begging
people for candy?
47
00:01:46,852 --> 00:01:48,767
- Too old for
trick-or-treating?
48
00:01:48,851 --> 00:01:51,245
Y'all lost
your Halloween spirit.
49
00:01:51,329 --> 00:01:52,983
Tragic. Tragic.
50
00:01:52,981 --> 00:01:54,937
- Hey, wait a sec.
[door opens, closes]
51
00:01:54,936 --> 00:01:57,677
You guys are going out, and
Drew and Tonya are staying in?
52
00:01:57,674 --> 00:01:59,588
Does this mean I get
to do my own thing?
53
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:01,804
- Well, as long as you don't
bring home no ghost babies,
54
00:02:01,802 --> 00:02:04,544
no zombie babies, no baby
babies, no Franken-babies.
55
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:06,367
- This is gonna be
the best night of my life.
56
00:02:06,365 --> 00:02:07,714
[coughs]
57
00:02:07,799 --> 00:02:10,063
[groans]
Starting now.
58
00:02:10,147 --> 00:02:13,367
[upbeat hip-hop music]
59
00:02:13,449 --> 00:02:15,321
- Aw, man!
60
00:02:15,405 --> 00:02:16,710
This is not fair.
61
00:02:16,795 --> 00:02:18,188
Why do you get to
be Batman,
62
00:02:18,187 --> 00:02:19,752
and I have to be
the Boy Wonder?
63
00:02:19,751 --> 00:02:21,796
- It's called
reparations, baby!
64
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,927
I can't believe I get to do
my own thing this year.
65
00:02:24,924 --> 00:02:26,184
Should I go to
the Deadly DJ Jam?
66
00:02:26,183 --> 00:02:27,445
- Eh.
67
00:02:27,444 --> 00:02:29,227
- What about Nessa's
scary hair show?
68
00:02:29,226 --> 00:02:31,184
There's gonna be
more women than men.
69
00:02:31,182 --> 00:02:32,834
- Come with me
to my uncle's party.
70
00:02:32,832 --> 00:02:34,702
Last year, a couple
of his coworkers
71
00:02:34,701 --> 00:02:36,573
wore super-hot costumes.
72
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,225
Who knew ET had
so much junk in the trunk?
73
00:02:39,222 --> 00:02:40,917
[door opens]
- They better not be
74
00:02:40,916 --> 00:02:43,571
out of size-zero Sheila E.
costumes up in here,
75
00:02:43,654 --> 00:02:45,873
or somebody gon' get hurt.
76
00:02:45,871 --> 00:02:47,132
- Oh, Tasha's coming this way.
77
00:02:47,131 --> 00:02:48,915
Get out of here.
- Oh!
78
00:02:48,999 --> 00:02:50,435
- Hey, Chris.
- Oh.
79
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:51,570
Hey, Tasha.
80
00:02:51,607 --> 00:02:52,739
- Cool Batman outfit.
81
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:54,144
I was hoping to run into you.
82
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:55,433
- Oh, yeah.
83
00:02:55,518 --> 00:02:57,216
[grunts]
84
00:02:57,215 --> 00:02:58,431
- I'd love it if you'd be
my special guest tonight.
85
00:02:58,430 --> 00:03:00,911
- Hallow-clean,
an all-night church lock-in.
86
00:03:00,994 --> 00:03:02,169
- It'll be fun.
87
00:03:02,254 --> 00:03:04,039
Pray on it.
88
00:03:04,124 --> 00:03:06,126
- Chris, you're so in there.
89
00:03:06,210 --> 00:03:07,646
- [sighs] No, I'm not.
90
00:03:07,731 --> 00:03:09,689
She just invited me to church.
91
00:03:09,687 --> 00:03:11,383
- She asked you to spend
the night with her.
92
00:03:11,381 --> 00:03:13,035
- Yeah, at church.
93
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,165
- She just wants a church man.
94
00:03:15,249 --> 00:03:17,034
So go to church with her...
95
00:03:17,118 --> 00:03:18,554
man!
96
00:03:18,553 --> 00:03:20,422
- All the other events
I was considering
97
00:03:20,421 --> 00:03:21,988
would have girls at them.
98
00:03:22,072 --> 00:03:23,378
But if I went to church,
99
00:03:23,463 --> 00:03:25,247
it wouldn't be
with just any girl.
100
00:03:25,332 --> 00:03:27,030
It would be with "the" girl.
101
00:03:27,114 --> 00:03:28,419
- Hi.
102
00:03:28,418 --> 00:03:30,244
Is that the last
Sheila E. size zero?
103
00:03:30,243 --> 00:03:31,375
- Mm.
104
00:03:31,374 --> 00:03:33,243
- Tasha,
block that woman for Mommy!
105
00:03:33,241 --> 00:03:34,895
- [sighs]
106
00:03:37,457 --> 00:03:40,242
- [yawns]
107
00:03:40,325 --> 00:03:42,255
[touch-tones beeping,
line trills]
108
00:03:42,324 --> 00:03:43,499
Hello, ma'am.
109
00:03:43,585 --> 00:03:45,718
May I speak to Vanessa, please?
110
00:03:45,801 --> 00:03:47,431
- Girl, you bored
at work again?
111
00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:49,323
You're using
your white-lady voice.
112
00:03:49,365 --> 00:03:50,844
- Nessa, help me.
113
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:52,844
These people are phony freaks.
114
00:03:52,929 --> 00:03:54,800
Hey, how's your day going?
115
00:03:54,884 --> 00:03:56,451
- Does it feel a tad warm?
116
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:59,017
I'm worried Todd's
birthday cake will melt.
117
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:01,406
- You go change
that thermostat, Martha.
118
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:04,015
- Oh, great idea.
I'm on it.
119
00:04:04,098 --> 00:04:05,751
- [groans] God.
120
00:04:05,750 --> 00:04:07,446
- They've been shoving
cake in your face
121
00:04:07,444 --> 00:04:09,489
for every occasion, huh?
122
00:04:09,488 --> 00:04:11,619
- [groans] Birthdays,
anniversaries, power outages.
123
00:04:11,617 --> 00:04:13,401
- White people
love cake, child.
124
00:04:13,485 --> 00:04:15,096
It's their collard greens.
125
00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:16,230
- Ah, damn it!
126
00:04:16,267 --> 00:04:18,269
I missed
Risky's Trunkin' Patch.
127
00:04:18,267 --> 00:04:21,181
- Girl, he had a pumpkin that
looked exactly like Lou Rawls,
128
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,353
forehead and all.
129
00:04:22,438 --> 00:04:24,005
We took Polaroids with it.
130
00:04:24,090 --> 00:04:26,440
- I take my kids
to Risky's every year.
131
00:04:26,523 --> 00:04:27,828
It's tradition.
132
00:04:27,914 --> 00:04:29,784
Ain't nobody getting
in the way of me
133
00:04:29,826 --> 00:04:31,828
spending time with my family.
134
00:04:31,913 --> 00:04:34,393
I don't need this!
My man has two jobs!
135
00:04:34,476 --> 00:04:36,261
- Ooh, yes!
136
00:04:36,345 --> 00:04:38,738
Whoo-hoo!
Tim finally laid me off!
137
00:04:38,822 --> 00:04:40,868
I'm free!
138
00:04:40,952 --> 00:04:42,606
Suck it, Corporate America.
139
00:04:42,604 --> 00:04:43,733
- Poor Chuck.
140
00:04:43,733 --> 00:04:45,648
- You mean rich Chuck.
141
00:04:45,732 --> 00:04:48,910
The company gives out big, fat
severance packages for anyone
142
00:04:48,992 --> 00:04:50,312
lucky enough to be laid off.
143
00:04:50,339 --> 00:04:51,601
- Big, fat what now?
144
00:04:51,686 --> 00:04:54,776
- What?
They pay you not to work?
145
00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:58,950
- If anyone at my job gets laid
off for a non-fireable offense,
146
00:04:59,031 --> 00:05:01,729
they get a lump sum
of money plus benefits.
147
00:05:01,812 --> 00:05:04,163
- But how?
- You can't do nothing crazy.
148
00:05:04,246 --> 00:05:06,335
You just have to be
so annoying,
149
00:05:06,419 --> 00:05:07,550
they ask you to leave.
150
00:05:07,636 --> 00:05:09,116
It worked for Chuck.
151
00:05:09,114 --> 00:05:11,158
That man ate tuna for lunch
every day for months.
152
00:05:11,157 --> 00:05:12,810
His tuna funk lives in infamy.
153
00:05:12,808 --> 00:05:14,504
- Are you sure
severance isn't just
154
00:05:14,503 --> 00:05:16,026
an urban legend,
155
00:05:16,025 --> 00:05:18,330
like Bigfoot or Black people
living in Switzerland?
156
00:05:18,327 --> 00:05:19,719
- Baby, it's real.
157
00:05:19,804 --> 00:05:21,458
I've seen it
with my own two eyes.
158
00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:24,242
So will you make me
the happiest woman in the world
159
00:05:24,239 --> 00:05:26,239
and spend the rest of our
Halloween annoying the hell
160
00:05:26,237 --> 00:05:28,500
out of my boss?
- Yes. Yes.
161
00:05:28,584 --> 00:05:32,066
A million times, yes.
162
00:05:32,148 --> 00:05:34,759
- In the '80s,
behind-the-scenes footage
163
00:05:34,842 --> 00:05:37,149
took all the fear
out of scary movies.
164
00:05:37,232 --> 00:05:40,975
- You know, eating soup just
fuels the creative process.
165
00:05:41,057 --> 00:05:44,408
- Of course, Drew and Tonya
lost their Halloween spirit.
166
00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:46,405
[knock at door,
both sigh]
167
00:05:46,403 --> 00:05:49,578
- Trick or-
- Trick or treat, yeah, yeah.
168
00:05:49,575 --> 00:05:51,403
We get it.
Here you go.
169
00:05:51,487 --> 00:05:53,619
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Little vultures!
170
00:05:53,703 --> 00:05:55,836
- I want that one.
- [groans]
171
00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:57,486
At this rate, we'll have
no candy left for us.
172
00:05:57,484 --> 00:05:59,486
- Wait.
173
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:00,919
Let's turn off all the lights
and pretend we're not here.
174
00:06:00,918 --> 00:06:02,877
- Why would we do that?
175
00:06:02,961 --> 00:06:05,441
- So no one knocks on our
door and takes our candy.
176
00:06:05,438 --> 00:06:07,656
What are they teaching you
in that white school?
177
00:06:07,654 --> 00:06:11,484
- Oh...
178
00:06:11,565 --> 00:06:14,568
We're not here!
179
00:06:14,651 --> 00:06:17,088
- I was about to spend
the night with Tasha,
180
00:06:17,171 --> 00:06:19,478
and I had the perfect costume.
181
00:06:19,476 --> 00:06:21,563
Damn, Bible fashion
for boys is very limited.
182
00:06:21,561 --> 00:06:23,998
It was either Moses
or the Burning Bush.
183
00:06:24,081 --> 00:06:25,778
- Ooh-whee!
184
00:06:25,864 --> 00:06:28,475
I'm flaming
for the Lord, y'all!
185
00:06:28,558 --> 00:06:31,474
- Nice costume, Chris.
I love your broom-handle staff.
186
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:36,214
- Sons and daughters, may
I have your attention, please?
187
00:06:36,294 --> 00:06:39,304
My only begotten son Pharaoh
and I would like to welcome you
188
00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:41,382
to our annual Hallow-clean,
189
00:06:41,466 --> 00:06:43,903
the event that puts God
where He belongs-
190
00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:46,815
[laughs]
On a shiny pedestal-
191
00:06:46,898 --> 00:06:51,207
[laughs] And puts the devil
where he belongs.
192
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,288
And where is that?
193
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,462
[together]
In hell!
194
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:55,723
- That's right.
195
00:06:55,721 --> 00:06:57,895
Now, I got to go out here and
throw blessed oil on any kid
196
00:06:57,893 --> 00:06:59,503
dressed like a vampire,
197
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:02,068
so my head of youth ministry
will take it from here.
198
00:07:02,065 --> 00:07:03,152
Sister Johnson, if you would.
199
00:07:03,152 --> 00:07:05,024
So happy to have you.
God bless ya.
200
00:07:05,108 --> 00:07:08,241
- Hmm, thank you, Pastor Percy.
201
00:07:08,323 --> 00:07:10,717
Follow me, little ones.
202
00:07:10,715 --> 00:07:14,630
- Moses coming through.
Let's part this sea of butts.
203
00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:16,366
- Hey!
204
00:07:16,365 --> 00:07:17,843
- For some reason,
they put an old lady
205
00:07:17,842 --> 00:07:19,626
with cataracts in charge.
206
00:07:19,710 --> 00:07:22,756
That was like
the blind leading the fine.
207
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,799
- Now, let's listen
to some Jesus jams
208
00:07:25,881 --> 00:07:29,015
on my favorite AM gospel radio
209
00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:31,883
as I lock us in.
[chuckles]
210
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,054
- Guess we're gonna be
trapped in here together.
211
00:07:34,052 --> 00:07:36,315
I'm so happy you were
able to make it tonight.
212
00:07:36,312 --> 00:07:38,008
- Young ladies,
get on the other side
213
00:07:38,007 --> 00:07:40,096
of that big partition
out of the sight
214
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:42,660
of these impressionable
young mens.
215
00:07:42,743 --> 00:07:44,484
- Wait, what's happening?
216
00:07:44,483 --> 00:07:46,657
I knew we had to leave
room for the Holy Ghost
217
00:07:46,655 --> 00:07:48,962
but not leave the actual room!
218
00:07:51,610 --> 00:07:53,481
[upbeat music]
219
00:07:53,565 --> 00:07:55,915
- So do you think we
look inappropriate enough
220
00:07:55,955 --> 00:07:58,001
for me to get laid off?
221
00:07:58,085 --> 00:08:01,088
- They're gonna do
more than lay me off.
222
00:08:01,171 --> 00:08:04,304
What fair middle-aged wench
made this cake?
223
00:08:04,386 --> 00:08:06,556
I must bed her immediately.
[horse neighs]
224
00:08:06,603 --> 00:08:07,778
- Come on, Conan.
225
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:10,910
Let's get me some severance.
226
00:08:10,993 --> 00:08:12,821
- Thank you all
for coming tonight.
227
00:08:12,905 --> 00:08:15,255
Martha made
a beautiful graveyard cake.
228
00:08:15,339 --> 00:08:18,124
So please eat,
drink, and be scary.
229
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,469
[laughs]
230
00:08:19,554 --> 00:08:21,687
- Yeah, I can tell
it's a graveyard cake.
231
00:08:21,771 --> 00:08:24,252
Looks dead on arrival.
232
00:08:24,335 --> 00:08:26,805
[Donna Summer's "She Works
Hard For The Money"]
233
00:08:26,812 --> 00:08:31,773
? ?
234
00:08:31,853 --> 00:08:33,115
- Whoops!
- My cake!
235
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,250
- Sorry.
236
00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:35,374
- That's mine!
- My fault.
237
00:08:35,373 --> 00:08:37,158
- Aw, man.
238
00:08:37,242 --> 00:08:39,810
? ?
239
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,591
- Oof!
Ah!
240
00:08:41,675 --> 00:08:42,937
Hot, hot, hot.
[spits]
241
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,938
- Uh-oh!
She spat all over the cake!
242
00:08:46,021 --> 00:08:48,284
- Oh, dear.
Let me clean that up.
243
00:08:48,368 --> 00:08:49,456
- Whoa!
[laughs]
244
00:08:49,541 --> 00:08:52,370
[organ music]
245
00:08:52,453 --> 00:08:55,848
? ?
246
00:08:55,930 --> 00:08:58,585
- I got lost
in Sodom and Gomorrah again?
247
00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:00,278
What will I ever do here?
248
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:06,061
[together] ? Many sons
had Father Abraham ?
249
00:09:06,143 --> 00:09:07,927
? I am one of them ?
250
00:09:08,012 --> 00:09:09,405
? And so are you ?
251
00:09:09,489 --> 00:09:11,752
? So let's just
praise the Lord ?
252
00:09:11,836 --> 00:09:13,446
- Right arm!
[chuckles]
253
00:09:13,531 --> 00:09:16,926
- Singing songs was
ironically my idea of hell.
254
00:09:17,008 --> 00:09:20,664
Then I noticed Sister Johnson
fell asleep or maybe died.
255
00:09:20,745 --> 00:09:23,008
Either way, I was free.
256
00:09:23,092 --> 00:09:25,262
- Where do you think
you're going, sinner?
257
00:09:25,265 --> 00:09:27,485
- Are you serious?
The old lady's asleep.
258
00:09:27,569 --> 00:09:29,049
We're unsupervised.
259
00:09:29,133 --> 00:09:31,091
This is what we all
been waiting for.
260
00:09:31,176 --> 00:09:33,613
- We got to save his soul.
- No! Never!
261
00:09:33,696 --> 00:09:35,263
[grunting]
262
00:09:38,564 --> 00:09:40,609
- This is boring.
263
00:09:40,693 --> 00:09:42,565
Let's watch something else.
264
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:43,699
- You will-
265
00:09:43,736 --> 00:09:45,607
- Definitely die-
266
00:09:45,691 --> 00:09:48,129
- Tonight.
267
00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:51,606
- That wasn't a coincidence.
268
00:09:51,688 --> 00:09:54,387
[phone rings, both scream]
269
00:09:54,470 --> 00:09:55,776
- H-h-hello?
270
00:09:55,861 --> 00:09:57,384
- [breathing heavily]
271
00:09:57,469 --> 00:09:58,775
- Hello?
272
00:10:00,728 --> 00:10:02,425
- Who was that?
273
00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:04,440
- Probably just a girl
wanting to hear
274
00:10:04,509 --> 00:10:07,251
the sound of my pretty voice.
[phone rings]
275
00:10:07,248 --> 00:10:09,074
- Girl, stop calling here.
Drew's not gonna pick you.
276
00:10:09,072 --> 00:10:12,075
- [breathing heavily]
277
00:10:12,158 --> 00:10:16,162
- Uh, I think one of your
admirers got emphysema.
278
00:10:16,243 --> 00:10:19,333
The next time the phone rings,
I ain't getting it.
279
00:10:19,416 --> 00:10:22,071
[static crackling]
280
00:10:22,068 --> 00:10:24,155
- It's probably one
of those girls climbing
281
00:10:24,153 --> 00:10:26,286
the roof to peeping Tom on me.
282
00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:28,589
Must have kicked the antenna.
[chuckles]
283
00:10:28,672 --> 00:10:30,500
- That's OK.
284
00:10:30,585 --> 00:10:33,763
I like watching static.
285
00:10:33,845 --> 00:10:36,282
[organ music]
286
00:10:36,366 --> 00:10:39,064
- [snoring]
- Lord, bind that horny demon!
287
00:10:39,147 --> 00:10:41,759
I rebuke the spirit of lust!
288
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,278
- Get off me!
289
00:10:43,363 --> 00:10:45,278
- And, Lord,
please teach Chris
290
00:10:45,276 --> 00:10:47,102
how to enjoy being
with the opposite sex
291
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,711
without trying to get him some.
292
00:10:49,794 --> 00:10:52,492
- [grunts]
Enough!
293
00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:54,752
Even the shepherd needs
a break from his sheep.
294
00:10:54,749 --> 00:10:56,533
Can I get an amen?
- No.
295
00:10:56,618 --> 00:10:58,098
- [sighs]
Come on.
296
00:10:58,182 --> 00:11:00,401
Don't you want to go
to the promised land?
297
00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:03,619
I said, can I get an amen?
298
00:11:03,702 --> 00:11:05,082
We're gonna be adults soon,
299
00:11:05,093 --> 00:11:07,573
working a double shift
on Halloween.
300
00:11:07,656 --> 00:11:10,529
So tonight damn the rules.
301
00:11:10,612 --> 00:11:12,396
Damn the regulations.
302
00:11:12,394 --> 00:11:15,004
Let's do what kids are
supposed to do, my brothers.
303
00:11:15,001 --> 00:11:18,482
Can I get an amen?
304
00:11:18,564 --> 00:11:20,218
[together]
Amen!
305
00:11:20,303 --> 00:11:22,697
- Come on, Pharaoh,
you know you want to.
306
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,390
- Amen!
307
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:26,521
- And God said,
308
00:11:26,605 --> 00:11:29,739
let my people go!
309
00:11:29,821 --> 00:11:32,084
[hip-hop music plays]
Part-ay!
310
00:11:32,168 --> 00:11:33,430
[all gasp]
311
00:11:33,515 --> 00:11:36,257
Welcome to the land
of milk and honeys.
312
00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:38,255
? ?
313
00:11:38,339 --> 00:11:40,428
[all cheering]
314
00:11:40,512 --> 00:11:43,042
- That's not the first
time Moses tricked Pharaoh.
315
00:11:44,553 --> 00:11:46,468
- Ah, Julius.
316
00:11:46,552 --> 00:11:48,380
This is taking too long.
317
00:11:48,465 --> 00:11:51,730
I'm running out of ways
to annoy white people.
318
00:11:51,726 --> 00:11:54,030
- Why is that? You're an expert
at annoying Black people.
319
00:11:54,028 --> 00:11:56,465
[laughs]
Oh, I was just playing.
320
00:11:56,548 --> 00:11:57,698
[together]
Tim! Tim!
321
00:11:57,765 --> 00:11:59,854
Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim!
322
00:11:59,938 --> 00:12:02,245
Tim! Tim!
Tim! Tim!
323
00:12:02,329 --> 00:12:04,461
- Jackpot.
[together] Tim!
324
00:12:04,545 --> 00:12:06,983
Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim! Tim!
325
00:12:07,066 --> 00:12:08,328
- [gurgled scream]
326
00:12:08,413 --> 00:12:10,023
[all gasp]
- Hey, sweet cheeks.
327
00:12:10,108 --> 00:12:12,067
Great party.
- "Sweet cheeks"?
328
00:12:12,151 --> 00:12:13,630
Yes!
329
00:12:13,716 --> 00:12:16,414
My Booty Blaster 3000
is paying off!
330
00:12:16,497 --> 00:12:17,716
- What the hell?
331
00:12:17,801 --> 00:12:19,803
- Well, it was the '80s,
after all.
332
00:12:19,887 --> 00:12:22,759
Today if a doctor slaps
a newborn baby on the butt,
333
00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:25,192
the baby hires a lawyer.
334
00:12:25,275 --> 00:12:27,887
? ?
335
00:12:27,970 --> 00:12:29,493
- Tasha, what's wrong?
336
00:12:29,578 --> 00:12:31,328
- It feels weird
to dance in church.
337
00:12:31,326 --> 00:12:33,404
Do you think things
are getting a little crazy?
338
00:12:33,403 --> 00:12:35,797
- No. Everyone's just
having a good time.
339
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,882
- Who wants to do
something crazy?
340
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,359
Let's drink soda!
341
00:12:40,442 --> 00:12:42,531
- Soda?
Sugar's not allowed.
342
00:12:42,615 --> 00:12:44,443
What's happening?
343
00:12:44,528 --> 00:12:47,357
- What's happening is people
are having fun at church.
344
00:12:47,354 --> 00:12:48,484
- Ahh.
345
00:12:48,483 --> 00:12:51,616
I love this church!
346
00:12:51,613 --> 00:12:53,613
- You have nothing
to worry about, Tash.
347
00:12:53,611 --> 00:12:55,781
It's gonna make more
kids want to come here.
348
00:12:55,785 --> 00:12:57,961
I sure have the spirit in me.
349
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,046
Whoa, slow down.
- I was-I was just-
350
00:13:02,130 --> 00:13:05,046
- I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
351
00:13:05,128 --> 00:13:08,218
[eerie music]
352
00:13:08,215 --> 00:13:10,389
- I'm so glad we stayed in.
[static whirring]
353
00:13:10,387 --> 00:13:13,172
It's been a calm,
perfectly normal night.
354
00:13:13,255 --> 00:13:15,693
- Yep. Unexplainable things
happen every day.
355
00:13:15,690 --> 00:13:17,994
We're just programmed to think
when they happen on Halloween,
356
00:13:17,992 --> 00:13:19,994
it must be something
supernatural.
357
00:13:20,078 --> 00:13:21,297
[gasps]
- Scary!
358
00:13:21,382 --> 00:13:23,471
- [chuckles nervously]
The problem is,
359
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,904
Daddy always be buying
these wack electronics.
360
00:13:25,902 --> 00:13:28,905
- Yeah. Instead of a Panasonic,
he got us a Pain-o-sonic.
361
00:13:28,987 --> 00:13:31,860
[both chuckling nervously]
362
00:13:31,943 --> 00:13:33,693
[chain saw revving,
both scream]
363
00:13:33,768 --> 00:13:37,032
- They're always trimming trees
on Halloween at 10:00 p.m.
364
00:13:37,115 --> 00:13:39,987
[thunder booming,
both screaming]
365
00:13:42,938 --> 00:13:44,330
- The night was going well,
366
00:13:44,415 --> 00:13:46,853
so I decided
to take a leap of faith
367
00:13:46,937 --> 00:13:50,636
and do something nerds like me
only dreamed about.
368
00:13:50,631 --> 00:13:53,197
- Hey, everybody, want to play
seven minutes in heaven?
369
00:13:53,195 --> 00:13:55,413
- Is that the game where you're
forced to be in the closet?
370
00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:56,367
I pass.
371
00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:57,760
- Come on.
372
00:13:57,759 --> 00:13:59,541
It's called seven minutes
in heaven.
373
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:02,499
It was probably invented
in a church.
374
00:14:02,581 --> 00:14:03,974
OK, everybody.
375
00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:05,756
Write your name
on a piece of paper.
376
00:14:05,755 --> 00:14:08,322
And when you're done,
give it to me.
377
00:14:08,405 --> 00:14:10,233
Stained-glass window Jesus,
378
00:14:10,231 --> 00:14:12,275
please let me end up
in the closet with Tasha.
379
00:14:12,273 --> 00:14:14,362
Amen.
380
00:14:14,446 --> 00:14:15,969
- No need to pick
a name, Chris.
381
00:14:16,054 --> 00:14:17,926
I choose you.
- Whoa.
382
00:14:18,010 --> 00:14:19,620
No wonder people love You.
383
00:14:19,705 --> 00:14:22,229
- Go get thy some, Chris.
384
00:14:22,312 --> 00:14:25,533
[together]
Ooh! Yeah.
385
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,573
- [sniffs] Mm!
- Ugh!
386
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:30,791
- It still smells like
Chuck's funky tuna around here.
387
00:14:30,874 --> 00:14:32,615
I'll never be as bad as him.
388
00:14:32,699 --> 00:14:35,223
Come on, baby, let's go home.
389
00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:38,441
I just really wanted
to lose this job, Julius.
390
00:14:38,523 --> 00:14:40,525
I guess I'm not
annoying enough.
391
00:14:40,609 --> 00:14:42,089
- Baby, don't say that.
392
00:14:42,174 --> 00:14:44,785
- I'm letting us all down!
393
00:14:44,868 --> 00:14:46,174
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
394
00:14:46,259 --> 00:14:48,000
Come here.
395
00:14:48,084 --> 00:14:49,954
I've had so much fun
with you tonight.
396
00:14:49,953 --> 00:14:53,087
I appreciate all you do
to make our family better.
397
00:14:53,169 --> 00:14:56,085
[sultry music]
398
00:14:56,168 --> 00:14:58,039
- Ow!
399
00:14:58,037 --> 00:14:59,123
Oh, my goodness.
- Oh, baby.
400
00:14:59,123 --> 00:15:00,603
Oh, baby. Oh.
401
00:15:00,687 --> 00:15:02,602
- Oh, God, you're so sexy.
402
00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:04,123
[all gasp]
403
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:07,602
- Those floppies had
our biggest account on them.
404
00:15:07,684 --> 00:15:11,166
- Rochelle, my office, now.
405
00:15:11,248 --> 00:15:14,120
[upbeat hip-hop music]
406
00:15:14,203 --> 00:15:17,642
? ?
407
00:15:17,724 --> 00:15:21,075
- This was it, the moment
that was gonna turn this
408
00:15:21,157 --> 00:15:23,376
into the best Halloween
of my life.
409
00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:25,506
[light switch clicks]
Oh, man.
410
00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:27,418
I just love the Bible.
411
00:15:27,416 --> 00:15:29,111
What's that verse about being
fruitful and multiplying?
412
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:30,677
[grunts]
- As if, Chris!
413
00:15:30,761 --> 00:15:32,981
- Ow! Why?
414
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:38,285
- Sir, there is no excuse
for my behavior.
415
00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:41,153
- The risqu๏ฟฝ costume,
racing office chairs,
416
00:15:41,235 --> 00:15:45,456
ruining cake, making out
all over the office.
417
00:15:45,537 --> 00:15:47,278
- Ah-bup-bup, shh.
418
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,801
I understand.
You have to lay me off.
419
00:15:49,884 --> 00:15:51,799
I'll go box up my things.
420
00:15:51,883 --> 00:15:53,319
- [laughs]
Oh, no.
421
00:15:53,404 --> 00:15:55,188
You're not laid off.
422
00:15:55,187 --> 00:15:56,883
On the contrary,
you're the type of employee
423
00:15:56,881 --> 00:15:58,186
we need around here!
424
00:15:58,185 --> 00:16:00,055
- Are you drunk
on dreamsicle punch?
425
00:16:00,054 --> 00:16:02,446
- Corporate life can be
stagnant and predictable,
426
00:16:02,443 --> 00:16:04,881
but you found a way
to shake things up.
427
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,444
Thank you.
428
00:16:06,528 --> 00:16:08,518
- What about those
important floppies
429
00:16:08,571 --> 00:16:11,487
I destroyed while I was making
out with Conan out there?
430
00:16:11,484 --> 00:16:13,702
- Nothing is more important
than witnessing
431
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:15,527
Black love on display.
432
00:16:15,612 --> 00:16:18,876
Hell, "Mahogany"
is my favorite movie.
433
00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:22,263
- Well, how'd it go?
434
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:24,133
How much severance
did you get us?
435
00:16:24,131 --> 00:16:26,261
Can we send our favorite kid
to college?
436
00:16:26,259 --> 00:16:28,087
- He promoted me.
437
00:16:28,172 --> 00:16:30,000
- What?
- Oh, yeah.
438
00:16:30,084 --> 00:16:32,870
He hates spending money
on severance packages.
439
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,518
That's why
it's nearly impossible
440
00:16:34,516 --> 00:16:35,866
to get laid off around here.
441
00:16:35,951 --> 00:16:38,823
It took Chuck
five long, annoying,
442
00:16:38,906 --> 00:16:41,430
tuna-filled years
to get him to cave.
443
00:16:41,513 --> 00:16:42,906
Just give up.
444
00:16:42,991 --> 00:16:46,125
- Oh, he's playing with me.
445
00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:50,339
He has no idea
who he's messing with.
446
00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:53,381
- Is this a game to you?
447
00:16:53,465 --> 00:16:55,215
Has this been your plan
all along?
448
00:16:55,291 --> 00:16:56,814
- You brought me in here.
449
00:16:56,899 --> 00:16:58,205
- I brought you in here
450
00:16:58,204 --> 00:16:59,943
to talk about how this party
is getting crazy.
451
00:16:59,941 --> 00:17:01,464
You're getting crazy!
452
00:17:01,463 --> 00:17:03,158
- I thought this
is what you wanted.
453
00:17:03,157 --> 00:17:04,463
You wanted a church guy.
454
00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:06,811
We're at church.
I'm a guy.
455
00:17:06,894 --> 00:17:09,593
I made this fun.
What else do you need me to do?
456
00:17:09,590 --> 00:17:11,851
Lead people through
the desert for 30 years?
457
00:17:11,849 --> 00:17:14,286
- It's 40 years, Chris, 40.
458
00:17:14,370 --> 00:17:16,285
- I'm just trying
to make an effort...
459
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,371
for you.
460
00:17:18,369 --> 00:17:19,847
- [sighs] Maybe I pushed the
church thing a little too hard.
461
00:17:19,846 --> 00:17:21,325
My mom's an ex-stripper.
462
00:17:21,410 --> 00:17:22,977
I don't even know
who my dad is.
463
00:17:23,061 --> 00:17:25,531
And I get bullied at school
for not liking Prince.
464
00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:27,393
This church is what
I need right now.
465
00:17:27,451 --> 00:17:29,321
I don't want anything
to jeopardize
466
00:17:29,363 --> 00:17:30,756
my relationship with God.
467
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:33,191
I just need you
to be my friend.
468
00:17:33,275 --> 00:17:37,801
- I'd be happy
to be your friend.
469
00:17:37,881 --> 00:17:40,754
- Thanks.
I'll see you back out there.
470
00:17:42,271 --> 00:17:44,142
You better
not be telling anyone
471
00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:45,749
you were touching my booty
in here.
472
00:17:45,748 --> 00:17:46,791
[door closes]
473
00:17:46,790 --> 00:17:49,663
[hip-hop music playing]
474
00:17:49,746 --> 00:17:51,225
? ?
475
00:17:51,310 --> 00:17:53,051
- Thanks a lot.
476
00:17:53,135 --> 00:17:54,615
- I'm sorry, Chris.
477
00:17:54,614 --> 00:17:57,223
Are you feeling sad?
A little uncomfortable, even?
478
00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:58,961
The kind of uncomfortable
479
00:17:59,046 --> 00:18:01,483
when you're nailed
to a wooden cross?
480
00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:04,091
- Chris,
by the way, as your friend,
481
00:18:04,175 --> 00:18:06,220
I advise you to go talk to her.
482
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:07,957
- The chick
in the Bathsheba costume?
483
00:18:07,955 --> 00:18:09,130
Why?
484
00:18:09,215 --> 00:18:11,435
- Trust me.
I put in a good word.
485
00:18:11,519 --> 00:18:13,477
[indistinct chatter]
486
00:18:13,562 --> 00:18:16,303
? ?
487
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,676
- It was actually cool
having a female friend.
488
00:18:18,734 --> 00:18:20,518
They're like male friends,
489
00:18:20,602 --> 00:18:23,779
only you can occasionally
stare at their asses.
490
00:18:23,861 --> 00:18:26,472
[glass dinging]
491
00:18:29,467 --> 00:18:32,949
[both whimpering]
- What's happening?
492
00:18:33,031 --> 00:18:35,599
- Maybe Dad forgot
to pay the gravity bill.
493
00:18:35,683 --> 00:18:38,686
- This should be happening
to Chris.
494
00:18:38,768 --> 00:18:40,988
We got to get to a grown-up.
495
00:18:41,072 --> 00:18:43,988
[eerie music]
496
00:18:44,071 --> 00:18:45,289
- Mr. Omar!
- [cackling]
497
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,985
both: Mr. Omar!
498
00:18:47,069 --> 00:18:50,072
Mr. Omar, let us in!
499
00:18:50,155 --> 00:18:52,679
[door creaks]
500
00:18:52,762 --> 00:18:55,156
- Mr. Omar?
501
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,329
? ?
502
00:18:57,413 --> 00:18:58,588
- Boo!
- Aah!
503
00:18:58,587 --> 00:19:00,369
Don't you dare
touch his pretty face!
504
00:19:00,367 --> 00:19:01,586
Die, ghoul!
- Ow!
505
00:19:01,671 --> 00:19:03,281
- Mr. Omar?
506
00:19:03,366 --> 00:19:05,586
- You saved my life
and my face.
507
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:06,976
- What is wrong with you?
508
00:19:07,061 --> 00:19:10,107
This is the same costume
I was wearing earlier.
509
00:19:10,189 --> 00:19:12,627
Stabbing me with my own fork?
510
00:19:12,711 --> 00:19:14,060
That's cold.
511
00:19:14,145 --> 00:19:16,016
- I'm sorry, Mr. Omar.
512
00:19:16,014 --> 00:19:17,536
But what the hell's
wrong with you?
513
00:19:17,535 --> 00:19:19,362
- Aah!
514
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:21,796
I just wanted to get you two
to believe in the magic
515
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:23,360
of the season again.
516
00:19:23,444 --> 00:19:26,491
- Well, good job scaring
two children half to death.
517
00:19:26,574 --> 00:19:28,489
[sighs]
I'll admit, you had us
518
00:19:28,487 --> 00:19:30,400
with the heavy-breathing
phone calls,
519
00:19:30,399 --> 00:19:32,836
the TV cutting off,
the chain saw sounds.
520
00:19:32,833 --> 00:19:35,181
- And don't forget
the windows opening and closing
521
00:19:35,179 --> 00:19:36,398
and those scary moans.
522
00:19:36,483 --> 00:19:38,093
How'd you do all that?
523
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,745
- What?
What are you talking about?
524
00:19:40,829 --> 00:19:43,658
I just threw a few fake spiders
on your doorstep
525
00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:45,046
and put on this costume.
526
00:19:45,131 --> 00:19:47,046
I didn't do the other stuff.
527
00:19:47,131 --> 00:19:49,873
- I truly believe
that my family's brownstone
528
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:52,132
was haunted
by the dead husbands
529
00:19:52,215 --> 00:19:55,435
of the widows Mr. Omar
hooked up with over the years.
530
00:19:55,519 --> 00:19:57,390
If those guys ever catch
Mr. Omar
531
00:19:57,474 --> 00:19:58,910
near the pearly gates,
532
00:19:58,995 --> 00:20:01,128
he's getting his ass beat.
533
00:20:01,212 --> 00:20:03,519
- Hey.
- Hey.
534
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:06,779
I just want you to know
you saved my night.
535
00:20:06,861 --> 00:20:09,472
I thought it'd be boring,
but you made it fun.
536
00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,558
- Ah, it was no big deal.
- Mm.
537
00:20:11,642 --> 00:20:14,732
- Happy Halloween to me.
538
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:16,120
- [yawns]
539
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:17,205
[gasps]
540
00:20:17,205 --> 00:20:19,642
[all cheering]
541
00:20:19,725 --> 00:20:20,857
Kissing?
542
00:20:20,942 --> 00:20:22,596
Unsanctioned snacks?
543
00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:24,421
FM radio?
544
00:20:24,506 --> 00:20:26,420
Oh, Lord!
545
00:20:26,505 --> 00:20:29,812
These children have turned
Your house into a den of sin!
546
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,768
Pharaoh, did you allow this?
547
00:20:32,850 --> 00:20:35,505
- Uh, as a responsible
youth leader
548
00:20:35,588 --> 00:20:38,242
and a respected member
of this church community,
549
00:20:38,326 --> 00:20:41,329
I just want you to know,
Chris did it!
550
00:20:41,411 --> 00:20:43,196
- Hey, come on, guys.
551
00:20:43,281 --> 00:20:44,331
We had fun, right?
552
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,325
- Stone him!
- Judas!
553
00:20:46,409 --> 00:20:48,716
- [grunts]
Jeez, Jesus.
554
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,280
You too?
555
00:20:50,364 --> 00:20:53,585
- Yes, for playing
East Coast rap in my house.
556
00:20:53,668 --> 00:20:57,062
Everyone knows I like NWA.
557
00:20:57,144 --> 00:20:58,972
- [groans]
558
00:20:59,056 --> 00:21:03,365
singers: ? Everybody
still hates Chris ?
559
00:21:05,155 --> 00:21:07,070
[vocalizing]
560
00:21:34,048 --> 00:21:38,048
- ? MTV ?
561
00:21:38,098 --> 00:21:42,648
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