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1
00:00:04,851 --> 00:00:07,811
[hip-hop music]
2
00:00:07,895 --> 00:00:10,115
- The two most important rules
in my family
3
00:00:10,199 --> 00:00:13,071
were, never make eye contact
with a junkie
4
00:00:13,155 --> 00:00:15,766
and never wake my father
5
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,026
when he took his nap
between jobs.
6
00:00:18,111 --> 00:00:20,809
? ?
7
00:00:20,893 --> 00:00:22,677
We had to eat quietly.
8
00:00:22,762 --> 00:00:25,243
? ?
9
00:00:25,327 --> 00:00:28,678
We had to sneeze quietly.
10
00:00:28,761 --> 00:00:31,547
We had to watch TV quietly.
11
00:00:31,545 --> 00:00:34,154
- At Insane Wayne's,
we're knocking out high prices
12
00:00:34,152 --> 00:00:35,414
with championship deals
13
00:00:35,499 --> 00:00:37,675
on all TV, stereos,
and video games!
14
00:00:37,674 --> 00:00:40,501
And this weekend only, we're
giving away free Nintendos
15
00:00:40,498 --> 00:00:42,543
to whomever can beat
the brand-new video game
16
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,152
"Mike Tyson's Punch-Out"!
17
00:00:44,237 --> 00:00:47,023
That's right-beat the champ,
win a Nintendo!
18
00:00:47,107 --> 00:00:51,067
With promotions like this,
I must be insane!
19
00:00:51,149 --> 00:00:52,498
[grunts]
20
00:00:52,584 --> 00:00:54,804
- Nintendo for free?
21
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,846
Whoo-hoo!
- Shh!
22
00:00:56,845 --> 00:00:59,281
- Back then, a free Nintendo
was a really big deal.
23
00:00:59,279 --> 00:01:01,063
- Shh.
- Shh.
24
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,977
- Now they send me a Nintendo
every time I say Nintendo!
25
00:01:04,061 --> 00:01:07,195
[hip-hop music]
26
00:01:07,278 --> 00:01:10,846
I loved playing
"Mike Tyson's Punch-Out,"
27
00:01:10,843 --> 00:01:13,757
even though the point of the
game was for a small white boy
28
00:01:13,755 --> 00:01:16,193
to beat up
grown-ass minorities.
29
00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:17,626
Dang it, I lost.
30
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,582
- You almost got
to the end, though.
31
00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:22,801
Man, Mike Tyson is the best-
the only dude from Bed-Stuy
32
00:01:22,884 --> 00:01:24,754
to ever punch his way
into being rich.
33
00:01:24,753 --> 00:01:27,017
- And bite his way
back into being broke.
34
00:01:27,101 --> 00:01:28,972
- Move aside, Cassius Colored.
35
00:01:29,057 --> 00:01:30,928
- Great, Caruso's here.
36
00:01:31,014 --> 00:01:33,538
- Hey, how'd you get
extra health?
37
00:01:33,622 --> 00:01:35,624
- I got a cheat code.
[all gasp]
38
00:01:35,709 --> 00:01:37,885
- Isn't being white
already a cheat code?
39
00:01:37,883 --> 00:01:40,144
- Whoa, he's already
beaten the drunk Russian,
40
00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:43,273
the dancing Dominican, and the
sushi-loving Japanese boxer.
41
00:01:43,273 --> 00:01:45,014
- Caruso enjoy beating up
42
00:01:45,099 --> 00:01:47,536
on those ethnic stereotypes
so much,
43
00:01:47,620 --> 00:01:49,578
you'd think he was the LAPD!
44
00:01:49,663 --> 00:01:51,535
[bell dings]
[all cheer]
45
00:01:51,534 --> 00:01:53,490
- That's not fair.
You can't use a cheat code.
46
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:55,924
- Well, you got two choices-
me using a cheat code
47
00:01:55,923 --> 00:01:58,361
or me using a beat code.
48
00:01:58,359 --> 00:02:00,402
- I started to wonder,
what was the point
49
00:02:00,401 --> 00:02:04,623
of even trying if someone
could so easily cheat to win?
50
00:02:04,705 --> 00:02:07,708
But I realized people were
using all sorts of cheat codes
51
00:02:07,791 --> 00:02:09,401
to make their lives easier.
52
00:02:09,486 --> 00:02:11,575
- Risky, I-I need help.
53
00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:14,359
My parole officer wants me
to take a drug test.
54
00:02:14,443 --> 00:02:18,925
- Drug-free cup of pee,
10 bucks.
55
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,486
- Risky, I've been dating
a guy for, like, a month,
56
00:02:21,485 --> 00:02:23,052
and I think he's the one.
57
00:02:23,137 --> 00:02:26,271
How do I get him to commit?
58
00:02:26,354 --> 00:02:30,488
- Positive pregnancy test,
20 bucks.
59
00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:32,615
- Hey, Risky, do you know
where I could get
60
00:02:32,614 --> 00:02:35,225
a cheat code for,
uh, "Mike Tyson's Punch-Out"?
61
00:02:35,309 --> 00:02:39,226
- For you, young blood,
I got the ultimate cheat code.
62
00:02:39,308 --> 00:02:42,311
This lets you skip to the
final round to fight "Tyson."
63
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:44,354
[angelic choir sings]
64
00:02:44,438 --> 00:02:47,571
- ? Ahh! ?
[birds cooing]
65
00:02:47,655 --> 00:02:49,962
- Go straight
to the end of the game?
66
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:51,916
I don't know-that sounds
like a lot of cheating,
67
00:02:51,915 --> 00:02:53,526
and I'm not a cheater.
68
00:02:53,611 --> 00:02:56,005
- At that point
in my life, I wasn't.
69
00:02:56,089 --> 00:02:59,657
- Yeah, so? Here's your chance
to finally take a shortcut.
70
00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:02,874
- The only shortcuts are hard
work and determination, Chris.
71
00:03:02,957 --> 00:03:05,177
- That's as insane as me!
72
00:03:05,262 --> 00:03:08,395
Do you want
a free Nintendo or not?
73
00:03:08,478 --> 00:03:11,264
- I'll take it.
- 10 bucks.
74
00:03:11,348 --> 00:03:12,740
- See?
75
00:03:12,739 --> 00:03:14,870
You don't even have money
to buy a cheat code.
76
00:03:14,869 --> 00:03:16,871
Get a job.
77
00:03:16,955 --> 00:03:19,131
- Um, can I put that
on layaway?
78
00:03:19,216 --> 00:03:21,523
- You get the code
when I get $20.
79
00:03:21,607 --> 00:03:23,174
- 20?
You said 10.
80
00:03:23,173 --> 00:03:24,868
- Well, now I know
you really need it.
81
00:03:24,867 --> 00:03:26,651
- [sighs]
82
00:03:26,650 --> 00:03:28,259
- I'm going to tell Daddy
you're trying to steal money
83
00:03:28,259 --> 00:03:29,782
from the couch.
84
00:03:29,867 --> 00:03:31,977
- [scoffs] You trying
to buy a cheat code?
85
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,042
You'll never catch
me using one.
86
00:03:34,041 --> 00:03:36,128
They're for cheaters.
It says so right in the name.
87
00:03:36,127 --> 00:03:38,041
- Hey, dum-dum, your face
is a cheat code.
88
00:03:38,039 --> 00:03:39,258
- She's right!
89
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,649
- You fine, Drew!
90
00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:43,302
- You can butter
my biscuits anytime!
91
00:03:43,386 --> 00:03:44,648
- Shoo!
92
00:03:44,734 --> 00:03:47,259
Take your hormones elsewhere!
93
00:03:47,257 --> 00:03:49,735
- Well, your cheat code is
always blaming stuff on Chris.
94
00:03:49,733 --> 00:03:51,561
- Is not.
- Is too.
95
00:03:51,646 --> 00:03:54,519
- Daddy, Chris is making
me and Drew argue.
96
00:03:54,517 --> 00:03:56,996
- Chris, don't make
your brother and sister fight.
97
00:03:56,994 --> 00:03:59,431
[sighs] Anybody seen
my work shirt?
98
00:03:59,515 --> 00:04:01,038
- Big Man!
99
00:04:01,123 --> 00:04:03,778
Thank you for letting me
borrow your work shirt.
100
00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:06,778
- My Uncle Mike came to stay
with us while his bedroom
101
00:04:06,862 --> 00:04:08,995
was being fumigated.
102
00:04:09,079 --> 00:04:11,909
While he had a pest problem,
we had an Uncle Mike problem.
103
00:04:11,948 --> 00:04:14,820
But my mother always
defended her brother.
104
00:04:14,818 --> 00:04:16,688
- Uncle Mike used
my yellow belt as a napkin
105
00:04:16,686 --> 00:04:18,427
and got Cheeto dust
all over it.
106
00:04:18,512 --> 00:04:20,775
- Now you got an orange belt-
problem solved.
107
00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:23,036
- Uncle Mike used
my "Miami Vice" doll
108
00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,123
as a bottle opener
and popped off Tubbs' head.
109
00:04:26,121 --> 00:04:27,686
- Then start liking
Sonny Crockett better-
110
00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:29,426
problem solved.
111
00:04:29,425 --> 00:04:31,294
- Uncle Mike stole my kidney
while I was asleep!
112
00:04:31,293 --> 00:04:33,861
- You still got another one-
problem solved.
113
00:04:33,859 --> 00:04:36,164
- I figured you was throwing
out your work shirt
114
00:04:36,162 --> 00:04:38,816
due to the mustard
I accidentally spilt on it.
115
00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:41,164
By the way,
you're out of mustard.
116
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:42,597
- You took my work shirt
117
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,902
and spilled 3-cent worth
of mustard on it?
118
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:47,466
- Julius, just wear
your old work shirt for today-
119
00:04:47,464 --> 00:04:48,683
problem solved.
120
00:04:48,769 --> 00:04:50,727
- [growling]
121
00:04:52,551 --> 00:04:56,294
Chris, take Drew and Tonya
to get haircuts, now.
122
00:04:56,376 --> 00:04:58,248
- Whenever my mother
and father
123
00:04:58,247 --> 00:05:00,116
were going to do
some real yelling,
124
00:05:00,115 --> 00:05:02,030
she'd send us out
to get haircuts.
125
00:05:02,115 --> 00:05:04,422
In the spring of '85,
I was one argument away
126
00:05:04,506 --> 00:05:05,681
from being bald.
127
00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:07,987
- Cheat code.
128
00:05:08,071 --> 00:05:09,811
- I'll take the kids.
129
00:05:12,592 --> 00:05:15,464
- Damn it, Julius.
My brother is trying his best.
130
00:05:15,547 --> 00:05:18,072
Can you just be nice?
- Mike doesn't deserve nice.
131
00:05:18,156 --> 00:05:20,114
He deserves a foot in his ass.
132
00:05:20,199 --> 00:05:22,767
- Oh-ho-ho,
I ain't taking sibling advice
133
00:05:22,851 --> 00:05:26,507
from a man who makes any excuse
to not talk to his own brother!
134
00:05:26,590 --> 00:05:27,939
- Me and Louis not talking
135
00:05:27,938 --> 00:05:30,112
is exactly what makes
our relationship work.
136
00:05:30,111 --> 00:05:32,505
- Julius, your brother's
on the phone.
137
00:05:34,719 --> 00:05:36,330
[garbage disposal whirring]
138
00:05:36,415 --> 00:05:39,592
[sighs]
My brother means a lot to me.
139
00:05:39,675 --> 00:05:43,853
Can you please be cool
about this, for me?
140
00:05:43,935 --> 00:05:47,199
- [sighs] Okay, I'll try.
141
00:05:47,282 --> 00:05:49,110
You know, we're alone.
142
00:05:49,195 --> 00:05:51,458
I got a little time
before my first job.
143
00:05:51,542 --> 00:05:53,849
I'm already not wearing pants.
144
00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:57,546
- Mm, sorry, I got to go clean
the bathroom.
145
00:05:57,629 --> 00:06:00,415
There's mustard everywhere.
146
00:06:00,498 --> 00:06:02,021
- [groans]
147
00:06:03,146 --> 00:06:06,804
- Hey, Manny, if I sweep up
all this hair,
148
00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,107
can you give me $20?
149
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:10,303
- You're already doing
it for free, dummy.
150
00:06:10,301 --> 00:06:12,585
Besides, what you need money
for so badly anyway?
151
00:06:12,584 --> 00:06:14,541
- I'm trying to buy
a cheat code for a video game.
152
00:06:14,539 --> 00:06:16,540
- I wish I had a cheat code
to get out of Nam.
153
00:06:16,539 --> 00:06:17,583
The only cheat code for that
154
00:06:17,583 --> 00:06:18,539
was to be white...
- Oh.
155
00:06:18,539 --> 00:06:20,150
- Or die.
- Whew.
156
00:06:20,149 --> 00:06:22,540
- Cheat codes for Black folks
are few and far between.
157
00:06:22,538 --> 00:06:23,582
- I totally agree.
158
00:06:23,582 --> 00:06:25,018
So can I borrow $20?
159
00:06:25,103 --> 00:06:27,366
- I don't have $20, little man.
160
00:06:27,451 --> 00:06:30,889
I'll give you something better,
a free story about choices.
161
00:06:30,886 --> 00:06:32,451
- I'd rather have the money.
- Too late!
162
00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:35,062
Chris, like you,
I once had a choice
163
00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:39,237
between taking the hard road
or using a cheat code
164
00:06:39,319 --> 00:06:41,886
to make my life easier.
- [groans]
165
00:06:41,971 --> 00:06:43,581
- That makes Thurgood Marshall
166
00:06:43,666 --> 00:06:46,321
our first Negro
Supreme Court Justice,
167
00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:49,103
a job that entitles him
to a lifetime salary,
168
00:06:49,187 --> 00:06:52,103
free meals, and
an endless supply of robes,
169
00:06:52,186 --> 00:06:55,755
all on the backs of white
middle-class taxpayers.
170
00:06:55,838 --> 00:06:58,667
Lots to celebrate, for him.
171
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:01,188
- Isn't it so inspiring?
172
00:07:01,272 --> 00:07:04,058
- Yeah.
Salary, food, robes!
173
00:07:04,142 --> 00:07:06,492
Mm!
That man is set for life.
174
00:07:06,576 --> 00:07:07,751
I got to be a judge.
175
00:07:07,837 --> 00:07:11,188
[upbeat music]
176
00:07:11,271 --> 00:07:13,665
But as I pursued
my judge dream,
177
00:07:13,749 --> 00:07:17,187
I realized I misjudged
how hard it was
178
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,970
to become an actual judge.
179
00:07:21,053 --> 00:07:23,098
Wait, I got to go
to law school, too?
180
00:07:23,182 --> 00:07:24,618
Shi-i-i-t.
181
00:07:24,703 --> 00:07:27,532
I started to doubt
if I'd reach my dream
182
00:07:27,616 --> 00:07:29,531
of living that easy life.
183
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,141
But the day your parents
got engaged
184
00:07:32,225 --> 00:07:34,705
was the day
I got my cheat code.
185
00:07:34,789 --> 00:07:37,401
- And he took a second job
just to pay for the ring.
186
00:07:37,485 --> 00:07:41,010
He delivered my newspaper,
and then he delivered my heart.
187
00:07:41,093 --> 00:07:42,660
We're getting married!
188
00:07:42,745 --> 00:07:45,008
- Taking two jobs was worth it
for Rochelle.
189
00:07:45,092 --> 00:07:46,746
I'm sure it's just temporary.
190
00:07:46,831 --> 00:07:49,051
- [sobbing]
191
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,399
Both of my babies are leaving.
192
00:07:51,483 --> 00:07:55,139
One's becoming a judge,
one's getting married.
193
00:07:55,222 --> 00:07:57,224
Who's gonna eat
my free cooking?
194
00:07:57,308 --> 00:08:00,485
[sobs] Whose laundry
am I gonna do?
195
00:08:00,569 --> 00:08:03,964
Who's gonna unstick me
from this couch on a hot day?
196
00:08:04,047 --> 00:08:07,572
Oh, Lord, now I'm stuck!
197
00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:11,354
[wailing]
198
00:08:11,436 --> 00:08:13,066
- Julius,
this might be too much
199
00:08:13,132 --> 00:08:14,698
for Mama to take right now.
200
00:08:14,783 --> 00:08:15,871
You know what, Mike?
201
00:08:15,958 --> 00:08:17,437
After we get married,
202
00:08:17,436 --> 00:08:19,828
Julius and I will move in
so you can go to law school.
203
00:08:19,827 --> 00:08:21,437
- Oh.
204
00:08:21,522 --> 00:08:24,743
[smooth music]
205
00:08:24,826 --> 00:08:27,785
- You hungry, baby?
206
00:08:27,869 --> 00:08:29,741
You got to eat up
for your studies.
207
00:08:29,825 --> 00:08:35,048
? ?
208
00:08:35,129 --> 00:08:39,394
- As much as I love my dream,
I love you even more, 'Chelle.
209
00:08:39,476 --> 00:08:42,000
I'll stay home.
- No, Mike, you can't do that.
210
00:08:42,084 --> 00:08:44,434
- Yes, he can!
Thanks, Mike. We owe you.
211
00:08:44,519 --> 00:08:47,609
- I'm going to hold you
to that.
212
00:08:47,692 --> 00:08:52,393
Staying home gave me
financial security, free meals,
213
00:08:52,475 --> 00:08:56,740
and I still get
all the robes I need.
214
00:08:56,822 --> 00:08:58,128
- Wait a second.
215
00:08:58,213 --> 00:09:00,432
He used his story
to get out of paying me!
216
00:09:00,516 --> 00:09:03,476
That grifting man-child.
- That man is a genius.
217
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,258
- He's not a genius.
He's a delusional fool.
218
00:09:06,342 --> 00:09:08,779
Right, baby?
[smooching]
219
00:09:08,863 --> 00:09:10,300
- Yeah, but the point is,
220
00:09:10,385 --> 00:09:12,561
he used a cheat code
and got what he wanted.
221
00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,908
- Look, Chris, do you think
Mike Tyson used cheat codes
222
00:09:14,906 --> 00:09:16,255
to get where he's at?
223
00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:18,821
You trying to be like
Iron Mike or Uncle Mike?
224
00:09:18,905 --> 00:09:20,428
- Aah!
225
00:09:20,514 --> 00:09:22,255
- [snoring]
226
00:09:22,254 --> 00:09:24,907
- Back at home, my dad was
doing his best to play nice,
227
00:09:24,905 --> 00:09:27,995
but Uncle Mike was breaking
my family's biggest rule.
228
00:09:28,078 --> 00:09:29,297
- Big Man!
- Huh?
229
00:09:29,383 --> 00:09:31,298
- Just got back
from the barber.
230
00:09:31,296 --> 00:09:33,383
You want some lunch?
- No, I want some sleep!
231
00:09:33,382 --> 00:09:35,514
- I heard you got
some leftover pot pie.
232
00:09:35,598 --> 00:09:37,035
Can I have it?
233
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,948
- You can make love to that
pot pie, for all I care.
234
00:09:38,947 --> 00:09:40,383
Just get out!
235
00:09:43,163 --> 00:09:45,296
- Big Man!
What do you cook a pie at?
236
00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:47,730
- 425, uncovered
for 10 minutes.
237
00:09:47,815 --> 00:09:49,425
What am I doing?
Listen!
238
00:09:49,510 --> 00:09:52,644
Do not bother me again
unless it's an emergency!
239
00:09:52,727 --> 00:09:54,250
Got it?
240
00:09:54,335 --> 00:09:55,385
Please!
241
00:10:00,552 --> 00:10:03,642
- Big Man, emergency!
There's no pie left.
242
00:10:03,725 --> 00:10:05,292
- You did what?
243
00:10:05,378 --> 00:10:07,771
You can't just throw him out.
He's my brother!
244
00:10:07,769 --> 00:10:09,813
- If I don't get my nap, then
I get tired driving my truck.
245
00:10:09,812 --> 00:10:12,423
If I get tired driving
my truck, I could fall asleep.
246
00:10:12,506 --> 00:10:14,076
If I fall asleep,
I could crash.
247
00:10:14,159 --> 00:10:15,595
If I crash, I could die.
248
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:17,204
If I die...
249
00:10:17,289 --> 00:10:19,334
[grunts]
You have to get two jobs!
250
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,204
[grunts]
Is that what you want?
251
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,419
- Take your stupid nap.
252
00:10:22,505 --> 00:10:24,377
I'm going to look
for my brother.
253
00:10:24,462 --> 00:10:27,639
[door slams]
- [grumbling] Stupid Mike.
254
00:10:27,722 --> 00:10:29,419
Stupid pot pie.
255
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:30,766
Stupid.
256
00:10:30,852 --> 00:10:32,854
[door bells jingle]
257
00:10:32,939 --> 00:10:35,811
[hip-hop music]
258
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:37,330
[door closes, bells jingle]
259
00:10:37,329 --> 00:10:38,982
- So, Chris,
I heard you're trying
260
00:10:38,981 --> 00:10:40,678
to get yourself a cheat code.
261
00:10:40,763 --> 00:10:42,287
- Who's cheating?
262
00:10:42,287 --> 00:10:44,374
- She's cheating
with some man named Code?
263
00:10:44,372 --> 00:10:46,199
- Is that Marci's boy?
- Do he got a job?
264
00:10:46,198 --> 00:10:47,807
- Yeah, it's
for a video game contest.
265
00:10:47,806 --> 00:10:49,286
[all groan]
266
00:10:49,286 --> 00:10:51,155
- [sighs] But I'm not sure
if I should anymore.
267
00:10:51,154 --> 00:10:54,505
- He means he'd cheat if he
could, but he's too broke.
268
00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:57,287
- Using cheat codes
is a bad idea if you ask me.
269
00:10:57,285 --> 00:10:59,415
Want to hear my life story?
- No, thank you.
270
00:10:59,413 --> 00:11:02,329
- I come from a long line
of hairdressers.
271
00:11:02,413 --> 00:11:04,463
My grandmother became
the first person
272
00:11:04,543 --> 00:11:06,806
to give a white woman
cornrows.
273
00:11:06,891 --> 00:11:09,807
The community got so mad, she
was banned from doing hair,
274
00:11:09,890 --> 00:11:13,198
and our whole family looked
awful for generations.
275
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,631
It was a symbol of our shame.
276
00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:17,413
- If you're so ashamed,
277
00:11:17,412 --> 00:11:20,239
then why do you have all these
sad-ass family photos up?
278
00:11:20,236 --> 00:11:22,456
Ow! Hey!
- Oops.
279
00:11:22,541 --> 00:11:24,471
I display them
as a constant reminder
280
00:11:24,497 --> 00:11:27,457
that you can overcome anything.
281
00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:29,629
I put myself
through beauty school,
282
00:11:29,714 --> 00:11:32,978
opened my own salon,
and finally brought respect
283
00:11:33,061 --> 00:11:35,831
back to my family, while also
scaring away white women
284
00:11:35,887 --> 00:11:37,454
from seeking cornrows.
285
00:11:37,453 --> 00:11:38,931
- Wait, I thought
you opened this salon
286
00:11:38,930 --> 00:11:40,453
with the money you got
287
00:11:40,452 --> 00:11:42,060
from jumping
in front of that Cadillac.
288
00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:43,887
That's how you won
the Bed-Stuy lottery!
289
00:11:43,885 --> 00:11:46,932
A broken neck
got you a token check!
290
00:11:46,930 --> 00:11:48,407
- I didn't purposely get hit!
291
00:11:48,406 --> 00:11:50,191
all: Mm...
292
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,582
- Chris, I once had
a choice, too,
293
00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:55,279
between using a cheat code
or putting in hard work.
294
00:11:55,362 --> 00:11:59,192
Let me tell you a real story
about hard work.
295
00:11:59,189 --> 00:12:00,928
- Damn, do I have
a sign on my back that says
296
00:12:00,927 --> 00:12:02,231
"tell me your life story"?
297
00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:04,538
- I was a single mom,
298
00:12:04,622 --> 00:12:07,625
looking for the best way
to provide for Tasha.
299
00:12:07,708 --> 00:12:10,015
One day, I thought
I found a cheat code
300
00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:12,102
to earn me some quick cash.
301
00:12:12,186 --> 00:12:15,319
But I learned real quick
just how hard the job was.
302
00:12:15,403 --> 00:12:17,492
I was allergic
to the latex uniform.
303
00:12:17,576 --> 00:12:19,883
The fried-fish buffet
made me nauseous.
304
00:12:19,967 --> 00:12:22,317
And worst of all-
the spotlight was so bright,
305
00:12:22,359 --> 00:12:24,839
I couldn't see a damn thing.
306
00:12:24,924 --> 00:12:26,534
Whoa!
[crowd gasps]
307
00:12:26,619 --> 00:12:30,057
Ahh.
Now, who wants a lap dance?
308
00:12:32,661 --> 00:12:35,316
- You okay, Peaches?
- This ain't going to cut it.
309
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,489
- You want to make
some real money?
310
00:12:37,573 --> 00:12:39,749
We're about to stiff
some tricks.
311
00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:42,881
I slip them three of these, and
I'm getting me in some wills.
312
00:12:42,964 --> 00:12:45,314
- Now, I had a choice.
313
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:48,271
I could get better at
stripping to make more money,
314
00:12:48,355 --> 00:12:50,313
or I could steal
from some customers.
315
00:12:52,441 --> 00:12:55,270
Nope, no shortcuts today, Tina.
316
00:12:55,354 --> 00:12:58,574
And so I put in the hard work.
317
00:12:58,657 --> 00:13:01,399
I adjusted to the spotlights.
318
00:13:03,309 --> 00:13:06,660
I found an itch cream
for the latex rashes.
319
00:13:06,743 --> 00:13:08,920
And eventually enjoyed
the fish buffet.
320
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:12,095
And, most importantly,
I made enough money
321
00:13:12,178 --> 00:13:15,050
to get Tasha into day care
and then some!
322
00:13:15,134 --> 00:13:19,922
- Look, Mommy, it's you
without the C-section scar.
323
00:13:20,003 --> 00:13:22,570
- If I had used a cheat code
like those other girls,
324
00:13:22,654 --> 00:13:26,180
I would have ended up
just like them, in prison.
325
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:27,568
- You did end up in prison.
326
00:13:27,653 --> 00:13:29,742
- I went to jail!
Get it right!
327
00:13:29,827 --> 00:13:32,787
My point is,
I didn't use a cheat code,
328
00:13:32,870 --> 00:13:33,958
and I turned out great.
329
00:13:34,044 --> 00:13:36,220
[device beeping]
Uh-oh.
330
00:13:36,305 --> 00:13:38,655
Um, I-I got to go.
Bye, Chris.
331
00:13:38,739 --> 00:13:41,177
You know what to do.
- No. No, I have no idea.
332
00:13:41,261 --> 00:13:43,219
Y'all just confused me
even more.
333
00:13:43,896 --> 00:13:49,091
- Ooh, I'm telling Daddy
you're thinking about cheating.
334
00:13:49,086 --> 00:13:52,002
- Tonya snitching on my
Black ass for thought crimes
335
00:13:52,086 --> 00:13:54,131
was the real Minority Report.
336
00:13:54,129 --> 00:13:55,955
Just 'cause I'm thinking
about it
337
00:13:55,954 --> 00:13:57,651
doesn't mean
I'm going to do it.
338
00:13:57,736 --> 00:14:00,478
[sighs] If only
God gave me a sign.
339
00:14:00,562 --> 00:14:03,087
[tires squeal, people gasp]
- [sniffs]
340
00:14:03,171 --> 00:14:06,391
[engine revving]
341
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:08,388
- Looks like my prayers
have been answered.
342
00:14:08,387 --> 00:14:10,737
A broken neck gets you
a token check
343
00:14:10,821 --> 00:14:13,433
and a cheat code
for a brand-new Nintendo.
344
00:14:13,517 --> 00:14:15,127
All right.
345
00:14:15,212 --> 00:14:17,606
[tires screech, horn honks]
Oh, hell, no!
346
00:14:17,605 --> 00:14:19,735
- Ooh, I'm telling Daddy
you tried to get hit by a car
347
00:14:19,733 --> 00:14:20,996
but chickened out.
348
00:14:21,082 --> 00:14:23,475
- Damn.
Now what?
349
00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:25,039
Huh.
350
00:14:25,124 --> 00:14:27,039
[hip-hop music playing]
351
00:14:27,124 --> 00:14:28,778
[thud, screech]
Aah!
352
00:14:28,863 --> 00:14:30,125
- What the hell?
353
00:14:30,210 --> 00:14:32,909
- Oh!
You ran over my foot!
354
00:14:32,993 --> 00:14:34,864
Oh, the pain!
- [gasps]
355
00:14:34,949 --> 00:14:36,516
- The pain!
356
00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:39,256
- Boy, you messing with me?
I ran over that brick!
357
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:41,994
- Who are the cops are going
to believe, me or that brick?
358
00:14:41,992 --> 00:14:43,558
Oh, the pain!
359
00:14:43,643 --> 00:14:46,429
Lord, don't take me now!
I have so much to live for!
360
00:14:46,513 --> 00:14:49,646
Best acting I ever did,
till I made "Grown Ups 2."
361
00:14:49,729 --> 00:14:51,688
- Damn.
We're both businessmen.
362
00:14:51,773 --> 00:14:52,905
What do you want?
363
00:14:52,990 --> 00:14:54,730
- Give me that
cheat code for free.
364
00:14:54,815 --> 00:14:56,948
- Use the cheat code
to get a cheat code.
365
00:14:57,033 --> 00:14:58,861
Respect, young blood.
366
00:14:58,946 --> 00:15:02,297
- I still didn't know if using
cheat codes was good or bad,
367
00:15:02,294 --> 00:15:04,251
but I figured I could worry
about that
368
00:15:04,249 --> 00:15:07,469
after I won the Nintendo!
369
00:15:07,553 --> 00:15:10,687
? I got the cheat code,
and you don't got one ?
370
00:15:10,770 --> 00:15:12,598
? Nintendo, here I come ?
371
00:15:12,683 --> 00:15:14,859
Hey.
- Oh, that's great, Chris.
372
00:15:14,943 --> 00:15:16,597
Now you won't be a total loser.
373
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:18,379
- It's mine.
374
00:15:18,378 --> 00:15:19,769
- The Nintendo will keep me
and my family warm
375
00:15:19,769 --> 00:15:21,858
this cold, cold winter.
376
00:15:21,856 --> 00:15:23,595
- If we take one back to Haiti,
we can power the whole country.
377
00:15:23,594 --> 00:15:26,292
- Maybe a Nintendo will make
my dad come back.
378
00:15:26,290 --> 00:15:28,595
- Damn, I thought I wanted
to use this cheat code,
379
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:29,769
but now I don't know.
380
00:15:29,854 --> 00:15:31,247
- At least you have a choice.
381
00:15:31,333 --> 00:15:34,292
These kids are way
worse off than us.
382
00:15:34,375 --> 00:15:36,290
[beeping]
383
00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:39,988
- [gasps] "Kid, if you need
a cheat code to beat me,
384
00:15:40,071 --> 00:15:41,594
"it's okay.
385
00:15:41,593 --> 00:15:44,028
"Just be willing to live
with the consequences
386
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,506
of your actions."
387
00:15:45,591 --> 00:15:48,420
Uh, thanks, champ?
388
00:15:48,504 --> 00:15:50,288
"Thank yourself.
389
00:15:50,373 --> 00:15:52,201
"I'm just your conscience.
390
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,984
The real me would never give
advice without getting paid."
391
00:15:54,982 --> 00:15:57,201
- Watch it, Leon Stinks.
392
00:15:59,285 --> 00:16:02,158
- Hey, everybody,
you guys want a cheat code?
393
00:16:02,241 --> 00:16:04,896
Maybe we can all win Nintendos.
- Yes!
394
00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:06,677
This is the first time
I felt hope
395
00:16:06,762 --> 00:16:09,721
since my mom left me
at the firehouse!
396
00:16:09,805 --> 00:16:11,546
- Hey, honey,
you have a good nap?
397
00:16:11,631 --> 00:16:12,806
- I don't know.
398
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,327
Why are you being
so nice to me?
399
00:16:14,327 --> 00:16:15,894
Am I still napping?
400
00:16:15,979 --> 00:16:17,894
- Here, baby,
I fixed you a plate.
401
00:16:17,979 --> 00:16:20,416
- Thanks, 'Chelle.
What's up, Big Man?
402
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,502
Oop, time
for "The People's Court."
403
00:16:22,586 --> 00:16:25,545
If not for the sacrifices
I made for this family,
404
00:16:25,629 --> 00:16:29,111
me and Judge Wapner
could've been judge friends.
405
00:16:29,194 --> 00:16:30,630
- I see you found Mike.
406
00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:32,239
Well, I found my size-12 boot
407
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,152
so I can kick his ass
out again.
408
00:16:34,237 --> 00:16:36,456
[bell dings]
409
00:16:36,540 --> 00:16:40,544
- Chris, take Drew and Tonya
to get haircuts, now.
410
00:16:40,627 --> 00:16:42,455
- Uh, Chris and Drew
aren't here.
411
00:16:42,540 --> 00:16:44,455
And we already got
haircuts today.
412
00:16:44,539 --> 00:16:47,586
- Then go watch TV
with Uncle Mike!
413
00:16:47,584 --> 00:16:49,801
- Damn it, woman! Why are you
always taking his side?
414
00:16:49,799 --> 00:16:52,411
All he ever takes is seconds.
- Because we owe him.
415
00:16:52,409 --> 00:16:55,018
Without Mike, we wouldn't be
so goddamn happy right now!
416
00:16:55,016 --> 00:16:56,451
- [whispering] Don't you see
he's a guilt-tripper
417
00:16:56,451 --> 00:16:57,670
just like your mom?
418
00:16:57,669 --> 00:16:59,582
He's guilt-tripped
you your whole life,
419
00:16:59,581 --> 00:17:01,495
and he's doing it again now!
- No, he's not.
420
00:17:01,494 --> 00:17:03,669
[gavel bangs on TV loudly]
Mike, can you turn it down
421
00:17:03,668 --> 00:17:05,756
so me and Julius
can argue in peace, please?
422
00:17:05,754 --> 00:17:07,277
- I can't hear you!
423
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,581
My eardrums are blown out
from years of listening
424
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:11,495
to Mama's CPAP machine.
425
00:17:11,580 --> 00:17:13,799
You sure are lucky you left.
426
00:17:13,884 --> 00:17:16,843
- Okay, keep it
as loud as you want.
427
00:17:16,926 --> 00:17:18,623
Oh, okay, you're right!
428
00:17:18,708 --> 00:17:21,450
He is a guilt-tripper,
but he's my brother, Julius.
429
00:17:21,534 --> 00:17:23,188
I don't know
how to say no to him.
430
00:17:23,273 --> 00:17:26,146
- All you have to do is talk
to him and be honest.
431
00:17:26,230 --> 00:17:28,928
I'll be in your corner
the whole time.
432
00:17:29,012 --> 00:17:32,102
- Fine.
I'll ask him to leave.
433
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,971
- While my mom was about
to battle Uncle Mike,
434
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:37,361
it was almost my turn
to battle Iron Mike.
435
00:17:37,445 --> 00:17:38,969
[all cheer]
436
00:17:39,054 --> 00:17:41,621
[lo-fi electronic music]
437
00:17:41,705 --> 00:17:46,928
? ?
438
00:17:47,009 --> 00:17:48,402
[beeping]
439
00:17:48,488 --> 00:17:50,577
[all cheering]
440
00:17:50,661 --> 00:17:52,837
? ?
441
00:17:52,922 --> 00:17:54,924
- Chris, you're up.
442
00:17:55,008 --> 00:17:57,881
[hip-hop music]
443
00:17:57,965 --> 00:17:59,967
? ?
444
00:18:00,051 --> 00:18:02,749
Keep your head in the game.
You can do this.
445
00:18:02,833 --> 00:18:05,227
- Okay, Rochelle,
you can do this.
446
00:18:05,311 --> 00:18:09,837
- Mike, I love you,
but I think it's time you left.
447
00:18:09,919 --> 00:18:11,747
- Get him, Mama!
- That's it, baby!
448
00:18:11,832 --> 00:18:14,139
- [grunts]
- Yeah, that's it, baby!
449
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:15,853
- Why are you
calling me "baby"?
450
00:18:15,918 --> 00:18:17,877
- Why are you talking to me?
Focus!
451
00:18:17,962 --> 00:18:20,268
- Okay, what you got, Mike?
[bell dings]
452
00:18:20,352 --> 00:18:22,050
- Okay, what you got, Mike?
453
00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,005
- You promised me
I could stay longer.
454
00:18:24,004 --> 00:18:26,310
And I kept my promise
to live with our parents
455
00:18:26,309 --> 00:18:28,311
so you can go off
and get married.
456
00:18:28,309 --> 00:18:30,570
So now you have to keep yours.
[plate clatters]
457
00:18:30,569 --> 00:18:32,223
- I-Ooh.
458
00:18:32,222 --> 00:18:34,396
- Oh, that's okay.
We knew he'd throw that one.
459
00:18:34,394 --> 00:18:35,916
Stay strong, Rochelle!
[bell dings]
460
00:18:35,916 --> 00:18:37,918
- Stay strong, Chris.
You got this!
461
00:18:38,002 --> 00:18:40,178
- [slurps]
- Ugh!
462
00:18:40,177 --> 00:18:42,090
- Ooh, he nailed you
good with that hook!
463
00:18:42,089 --> 00:18:43,612
- Ugh!
- And that jab.
464
00:18:43,697 --> 00:18:45,027
- Ugh!
- And that uppercut.
465
00:18:45,088 --> 00:18:46,873
Oh, don't give up, Chris!
466
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:50,526
- You can't give up, Rochelle.
You got this.
467
00:18:50,609 --> 00:18:53,351
- Mike, I'll always be grateful
for what you did,
468
00:18:53,435 --> 00:18:56,438
but I can't let you
guilt-push me around anymore!
469
00:18:56,521 --> 00:18:59,394
- Well, if that's how you feel,
I guess I'll go.
470
00:18:59,478 --> 00:19:02,437
But the news you threw your
beloved brother to the curb
471
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:04,131
is going to be hard on Mama
472
00:19:04,216 --> 00:19:07,045
and her already-fragile
pacemaker.
473
00:19:07,129 --> 00:19:09,218
[both gasp]
- Oh, no, he didn't.
474
00:19:09,303 --> 00:19:10,608
- [breathing heavily]
475
00:19:10,693 --> 00:19:12,086
- Whoa!
- Ha ha!
476
00:19:12,171 --> 00:19:14,304
You're going to lose,
Blacky Balboa!
477
00:19:14,389 --> 00:19:15,738
- Not today, I'm not.
478
00:19:15,823 --> 00:19:18,260
I didn't cheat my way
this far not to win!
479
00:19:18,344 --> 00:19:21,304
all: Whoa.
[gasp]
480
00:19:21,388 --> 00:19:23,651
- Go for the knockout, Chris!
481
00:19:23,735 --> 00:19:26,869
- Go for the knockout,
Rochelle!
482
00:19:26,953 --> 00:19:29,216
- Fine, tell Mama
I'm kicking you out.
483
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,990
While you're at it,
also tell her
484
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:33,084
you messed up
Drew's karate belt,
485
00:19:33,168 --> 00:19:35,638
broke Tonya's doll,
ruined Julius' work shirt,
486
00:19:35,690 --> 00:19:39,869
and made those calls
to 1-900-HOOCHIE!
487
00:19:39,951 --> 00:19:42,301
Or maybe I should call her.
- [gasps]
488
00:19:42,385 --> 00:19:44,430
On second thought,
I just remembered-
489
00:19:44,515 --> 00:19:47,214
my special lady friend
lives a few blocks away
490
00:19:47,297 --> 00:19:48,733
and can put me up.
491
00:19:48,819 --> 00:19:51,735
So see y'all at Thanksgiving
for ten days!
492
00:19:51,818 --> 00:19:55,430
And, also, please have
some turkey pot pie.
493
00:19:55,513 --> 00:19:57,646
[door slams]
- [huffs]
494
00:19:57,731 --> 00:19:59,820
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Way to go, Mama!
495
00:19:59,904 --> 00:20:01,123
- You did it, baby!
496
00:20:01,209 --> 00:20:02,899
He's someone else's
problem now.
497
00:20:02,904 --> 00:20:05,254
- Yes! I am the champ
of the living room.
498
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:07,950
I am the champ of the family!
499
00:20:08,034 --> 00:20:10,688
- And my parents' cheat code
to a happier life
500
00:20:10,772 --> 00:20:12,122
was having each other.
501
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:16,557
- Yo, you're about
to win, Chris!
502
00:20:16,554 --> 00:20:17,990
Go for the super uppercut!
503
00:20:18,075 --> 00:20:19,511
- [breathes deeply]
504
00:20:19,597 --> 00:20:21,338
[game beeping]
505
00:20:21,423 --> 00:20:23,686
- Yes!
You knocked him down!
506
00:20:23,770 --> 00:20:27,296
all:
One, two, three, four,
507
00:20:27,379 --> 00:20:31,731
five, six, seven, eight, nine-
508
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:33,510
[electricity zaps,
all groan]
509
00:20:33,595 --> 00:20:35,859
- Huh?
Are you kidding me?
510
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,553
- Oh, no!
511
00:20:37,638 --> 00:20:40,641
Looks like a totally random
and unexpected power outage!
512
00:20:40,725 --> 00:20:43,771
Sorry, kids,
the promotion is canceled.
513
00:20:43,855 --> 00:20:46,770
- That day, I learned
a valuable lesson.
514
00:20:46,855 --> 00:20:49,683
Even if you got a cheat code
to make life easier,
515
00:20:49,766 --> 00:20:52,247
there's always somebody
with a better one
516
00:20:52,331 --> 00:20:53,680
to screw you over.
517
00:20:53,766 --> 00:20:56,160
- Way to go, Muhammad A-Loser!
518
00:20:56,244 --> 00:20:58,116
- [grunts] Why?
519
00:20:58,201 --> 00:21:03,119
- ? Everybody
still hates Chris ?
520
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,332
? Oh, oh ?
521
00:21:08,596 --> 00:21:11,469
[lo-fi electronic music]
522
00:21:11,556 --> 00:21:18,432
? ?
523
00:21:34,622 --> 00:21:38,622
- ? MTV ?
524
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:43,222
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