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1
00:00:03,212 --> 00:00:06,716
Oh, for the-- We're already late.
What'd you go and start that for'?
2
00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:08,054
I didn't.
3
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:10,936
So it just spontaneously combusted?
4
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:14,439
So creepy. Look, I've got goose bumps.
5
00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:17,772
- I'm sure you do.
- What is--? ls something burning?
6
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:21,314
- No. Maybe you're having a stroke.
- I'm not having a stroke.
7
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,279
That's great, Mother,
keep those periodic updates coming.
8
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,910
Oh, shut up.
Hey, Friday happy hour, you guys in?
9
00:00:27,069 --> 00:00:29,322
Give me that.
No, no, no, that's not...
10
00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:30,740
Whoo! Ha, ha, ha.
11
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:33,079
- ...water.
- Well, what the hell was it?
12
00:00:33,242 --> 00:00:34,869
- Grappa.
- Tsk. Aw.
13
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,539
No shit, that was like 20 bucks' worth.
Who drinks a pint of grappa?
14
00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:42,255
Well, nobody now, Wendy Wasteful.
So you can buy my first couple of rounds.
15
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,796
No, I can't. We--
No, you can. I'm allowing you.
16
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:49,433
Oh, my God, thank you.
You're welcome.
17
00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:52,765
But we've got dates.
Meaning the fruit of the date palm?
18
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:56,432
Ha, ha, ha. “Date" dates, ding-dong.
With who'?
19
00:00:56,598 --> 00:01:00,603
Oh, just some handsome firemen I met
at a warehouse fire.
20
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,316
So come on, let's go already.
21
00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,777
My cooch has cobwebs on it.
22
00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,652
Krieger, hey. You wanna get a drink?
Ooh.
23
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:11,288
No. It's "rnushi" night. Movie and sushi.
24
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:12,493
With...?
25
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:14,829
Oh, meaning that's tentacle porn.
26
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:18,496
Fisherman's Wife and
The Re-Tentacling.
27
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:24,802
Mother, hey. You wanna go get a drink?
You know, as a matter of fact, I do.
28
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:29,340
Oh, okay.
And as another matter of fact, I am.
29
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,679
With Ron, in the bar at the Tuntmore.
30
00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:36,848
And if he plays his cards right,
he'll be wetting a lot more than his--
31
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:41,230
Ow! What is wrong with you?
Well, for one thing, tinnitus...
32
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:44,818
...which-- Yeah, I think
it's getting worse.
33
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:47,984
How do these people all have dates?
These aren't people you date.
34
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:52,621
I'm who should have a date.
I'm the best at dates.
35
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,202
- Hm. I wonder if Lana has a date.
- Yes.
36
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,833
- Lana?
- Yes.
37
00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:59,120
- You heard that?
- Yes.
38
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,129
- Who are you, Jaime Sommers?
- Yes.
39
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:04,838
No, seriously, I can barely hear me.
Are my ears really that messed up?
40
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,752
Yes. Yes!
41
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,716
Yes, yes!
Okay, Jesus, I'm not deaf.
42
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,131
I'm just--
Yes!
43
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,890
Going to vomit.
44
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,142
I'm going to vomit.
45
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,599
Not on my carpet, you're not. I--
46
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:19,390
Oh, for God's sake, get a room.
47
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,352
We did.
48
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,065
Shut up, because first of all...
49
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:05,273
...I don't have to explain myself to you,
of all people. And--
50
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,948
And if you blow that thing again,
the next time you hear it...
51
00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:12,951
...it'll be when some whore
is giving you a blow job.
52
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,408
Hm. Doesn't even make sense.
53
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,948
Ha, ha. I think she means
she'll shove it up your--
54
00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:21,585
Dick hole, and where'd you get that?
55
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,040
Rape-prevention class...
56
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:26,582
...which, turns out,
is a not-good place to meet women.
57
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:27,965
- No shit.
- Yeah.
58
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:31,629
It's like their guard is so up, it's--
Cyril, Scotch, where?
59
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:34,036
If you mean my grandfather's
Glengoolie Blue,
60
00:03:34,049 --> 00:03:36,301
you drank it and then
puked into my trash can.
61
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:39,310
Oh, my God.
Lana I get, she wants to make me jealous...
62
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:42,268
...but are you seriously just
getting me back for the Scotch?
63
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,058
Do you even hear yourself?
64
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,226
It honestly kind of comes and goes.
65
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:49,988
Well, since, thanks to you, I didn't do
the former, now we're doing the latter.
66
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,525
Cyril, go start the car.
Are you not going to--?
67
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:57,913
Cyril, remember the ground rules for this?
So carefully negotiated?
68
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,664
I will go start the car.
69
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,291
And before you say it--
70
00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:04,078
Ha. How long has it been
since you got laid, Lana?
71
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,497
That's not Why I'm dating Cyril again.
72
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:10,793
Uh-huh. So two-J?
No. Not two years, ass.
73
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:15,130
Fourteen months. So go ahead, laugh.
74
00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,971
At what? I was gonna say two weeks.
Two years is--
75
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:22,639
Lana, that is the third saddest thing
I've heard today.
76
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:26,520
Pam told me about a little girl
who drowned trying to save a puppy.
77
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,436
Jesus. What was the second saddest?
78
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,026
The puppy drowned too.
79
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,032
But it's a close third.
80
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:37,946
I mean, don't do this, Lana.
Come on, I'd be happy to bang you.
81
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,113
Me and anybody who could fog a mirror.
82
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,534
Well, before, maybe, but I really
think I've changed, you know...
83
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:45,953
Handler matured.
Ha'.!
84
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:50,875
No, I'm serious. With the cancer,
and my possible father dying and, uh-- Um--
85
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,543
Oh, my God. The tinnitus.
86
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,461
Archer--
Hang on, should we get that?
87
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,551
Get what?
Wait, is the phone not-f?
88
00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,392
Damn you, tinnitus,
you're a cruel mistress.
89
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,058
But seriously, do you not hear that?
Yes, now.
90
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:07,020
It's your phone.
Oh. Duh.
91
00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:10,277
Wait, please. Lana, come on. You can't
deny we're attracted to each other.
92
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,238
So?
So, what if all that stuff...
93
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:14,773
...really has matured me?
94
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:17,568
I know I'm not perfect,
but you have to admit I'm better.
95
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,953
Than...'?
Than I Was.
96
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:22,239
And also than Cyril could ever be.
97
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:23,702
First of all, Cyril--
98
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:28,712
Cheated on you as much as I did, Lana,
and I'm 10 times handsomer than him, so--
99
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:32,044
They're the same.
Lana, be honest with yourself.
100
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,754
It was actually about 10 times worse.
101
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,713
What happened to your idiot voice mail?
102
00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,632
Oh. I'm doing this new thing
where now it just rings.
103
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:42,392
Drives people crazy.
104
00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:46,226
Oh, my God, you have matured.
Lana, I have. Just let me prove it.
105
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:50,313
If, in some crazy parallel universe,
I agreed to that...
106
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:51,692
...how would you?
107
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,900
By-- Jesus, hang on.
108
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,440
Woodhouse might be trapped
in the dumbwaiter again.
109
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,279
He was in there two days last time.
110
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,115
Your apartment is one level.
How do you have a dumbwaiter?
111
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:02,279
Goes sideways.
112
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:03,788
Hello?
113
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:05,415
Speaking.
114
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:06,621
Uh-huh.
115
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,410
Uh-huh.
116
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,079
Uh-huh.
117
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,923
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
118
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,129
Okay, bye.
119
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:16,293
Yes!
120
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,837
Okay, Lana, check you later.
121
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,974
What? What about all that just now?
All what just now?
122
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,931
About how you've matured
and you wanna get back together.
123
00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,892
That's what you heard?
Wow, your ears are even worse than mine.
124
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,937
Wait, was that even Woodhouse?
Nope.
125
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,647
Then who was it?
126
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:40,947
Yes, my dear Sterling, come for me.
127
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:44,029
Phrasing, boom.
128
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,671
Hey, asshole!
129
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,172
Thanks.
130
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:05,263
And, oh, my name is Cyril Figgis.
131
00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:32,123
Hey, how's it going?
132
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:35,296
Thank you. They're beautiful.
133
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:39,301
Sorry about the chocolate, I didn't
know you were allergic or Whatever.
134
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,551
The alkaloids.
135
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,463
They can make a problem
with my bioelectronics.
136
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:46,304
Oh, right. Because you have those.
137
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:50,016
And I'm sorry if you misunderstood.
I did not call you for the romance.
138
00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:54,558
L-- Yeah. I mean, yeah. No duh.
139
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:58,900
Besides I wouldn't be interest--
I have a girlfriend, so...
140
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:03,909
Oh?
Yeah, an actress, of stage and screen.
141
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:06,570
Oh. Well, I hope she makes you happy.
142
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,909
Is funny, you don't ask where is Barry.
143
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:12,451
Heh, heh.
What do you mean, "Where is Barry?" He's--
144
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,585
Yeah, where is Barry?
145
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,337
I don't know.
146
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:24,630
And only one week after--
Well, you know, when I left you for him...
147
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,390
...he said he must go for work to London.
148
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:28,846
Wow, that was months ago.
149
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,262
And since then, it's nothing.
150
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:33,271
Not a word.
151
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,942
What could have happened to him?
Uh...
152
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:40,445
No!
153
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:43,107
He is on space station? But why?
154
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:47,119
Well, you know, I hate to say this,
but obviously he met someone else.
155
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:48,950
Heh. Sterling, please.
156
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:53,288
Yeah, that was the third dumbest thing
I've ever said.
157
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,248
Wait, what were the first two?
158
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:58,630
Buddy, you just sold a time-share.
159
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,458
Make that two time-shares.
160
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:05,929
Goddamn maintenance fees.
Sterling, will you please help me find him?
161
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,465
How? That office Was, like, just a trailer.
162
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,053
Barry.
Oh.
163
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:13,311
Barry, right. Um...
Please, Sterling...
164
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:19,022
...if you ever truly loved me,
you will help Barry to come home to me.
165
00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,230
Okay.
166
00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:25,482
Okay, let me get this straight.
167
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,071
You wanna help psycho cyborg
super-villain Barry...
168
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:30,703
...who's trapped in space
like General fricking Zod...
169
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:33,160
...get back to Earth
so she'll dump him for you?
170
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:36,577
Right? When Barry gets back,
she'll realize what a dick he is...
171
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,155
...so she'll need
somebody to talk to, so
172
00:09:39,168 --> 00:09:41,590
enter Sterling Archer,
the sensitive friend.
173
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,295
What is this, Opposite World?
174
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:44,505
Yeah, right?
175
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,676
Oh, for-- This is not Opposite World.
176
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,465
I think in her mind that means--
177
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,851
God, okay. This is Opposite World.
178
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:58,648
Okay, and since certain people around here
may not see how brilliant my plan is...
179
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,684
...they're gonna need to be--
Convinced?
180
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,103
I'm sorry, did you say "incapacitated"?
181
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,523
Because, Krieger, I can't have the--
Responsible people?
182
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:10,819
--"Naysayers" walk in on you
while you're helping Barry build a rocket.
183
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,113
Barry the unstoppable psycho cyborg.
184
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,704
He's not unstoppable anymore.
Ray's got bionic legs.
185
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:20,175
But if you don't
wanna see two robots
186
00:10:20,188 --> 00:10:22,297
smashing each other with
cop cars and shit...
187
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,379
...as they fight to the death
through the streets of Manhattan--
188
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,920
Bap-bap-bap. Stop.
189
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,339
My penis can only get so erect.
190
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:31,552
Hm.
191
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,552
- I was tired.
- Ew.
192
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,189
Cyril?
193
00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:46,901
- What? Oh!
- Heh, heh, heh.
194
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,565
L-Hey-
195
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:51,071
Ray?
196
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:53,870
What? Unh!
197
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:56,247
Seriously, how is that even a genre?
198
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,158
And is this just jackoff central?
199
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,747
- Ugh! Not with all this damn racket.
What--?
200
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:04,631
- Why aren't you in position?
- I am, this is how I do it.
201
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,757
Ew. I meant with Mother.
202
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:08,714
Oh. I put Cheryl on that.
203
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:11,255
Great, Miss Opposite World.
204
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,890
You heard me, do not go in there.
205
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,675
Why? What are you hiding this time?
206
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,846
Probably another one
of her so-called mystery fires.
207
00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:20,764
Lana, I said no.
208
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,778
Okay, so where's the-J?
209
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,780
Fire.
Ugh.
210
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,780
Worst day ever!
211
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:35,695
Okay, status report. Mother in there?
212
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,365
- No.
- Carol, open this damn door.
213
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,283
Okay, now I just need to find--
214
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,790
Cheryl.
And neither is Lana.
215
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,375
Nice. Hey, excellent job, seriously.
216
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:48,542
- Ow! I mean, totally shit job?
- Cheryl.
217
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:52,303
Thank you.
So when I said this is Opposite World--
218
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:56,308
Pam, the important thing is that I'm happy.
Try not to overthink it.
219
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,641
I wanna help you finish your new spaceship.
Why is that weird?
220
00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:03,397
"Why is that weird?"
Because my sworn purpose in life...
221
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:08,027
...is to murder your little buddy Archer?
Archer? No way, man. I hate that guy.
222
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,312
Since when?
223
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,028
Since, um, he slept with my girlfriend.
224
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,281
Keep it UP-
225
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:17,491
God, that is just classic Archer.
Right?
226
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:20,453
I mean, not a huge surprise
from a self-centered alcoholic...
227
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:23,164
...who's compelled
to sleep with every woman he meets...
228
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,066
...because that's the
only way to fill the
229
00:12:25,079 --> 00:12:26,830
emptiness where his
mother's love should-- Ow!
230
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,168
Do What?
231
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:29,674
One sec?
232
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:32,335
What the shit?
What? You said be convincing.
233
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,301
Convincing, not deliberately hurtful.
Well?
234
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,215
Yo, asshole. What are we doing here?
235
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,009
Fixing that spaceship, buddy.
236
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,269
Looks like it's just about done, huh?
237
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,852
Yeah, those scientists
were pretty resourceful...
238
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,516
...till they all died.
239
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,857
And how did they, uh, all die?
240
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:54,490
Ah, heh, different ways.
Okay.
241
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:59,450
Swift and severe.
The punishment will be swift and severe.
242
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:02,866
I mean it, Lana, that girl is out of here.
243
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:06,541
And right when she was gonna invest
$10 million in ISIS.
244
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:11,049
She said that? Oh, my God,
that phony prospectus must have worked.
245
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:14,882
Do you think the money's in here?
Come on, help me look in these boxes.
246
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,887
Malory.
What?!
247
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:19,549
Oh. Damn it.
248
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:23,266
So, yeah. Krieger's helping Barry
finish his rocket ship.
249
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:27,228
And when he gets home,
he can tell you about the other woman.
250
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,392
What?
Wait, how'd we get to another woman?
251
00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:31,857
Oh, my God. Do you have proof of this'?
252
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,899
No, I can probably get some.
253
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,065
Sterling.
254
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,743
If Barry really is cheating on me...
255
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,245
And also if I can prove it somehow.
256
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:42,826
...then he will be dead to me.
257
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,868
Because I will kill him with my bare hands.
258
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:51,464
Yeah, or not, since there's no reason
for him to come home at all.
259
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,958
What's that?
Nothing. What?
260
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,127
Oh, you mean that?
261
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,844
Sorry, that's just a sympathy boner.
262
00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,898
- Ah!
- Ha, ha, ha! Whoo!
263
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:11,401
Cyril Figgis strikes again!
264
00:14:19,442 --> 00:14:21,615
Status report.
Terrible.
265
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,951
Wh--? Wait, what happ--? Goddamn it.
266
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:26,036
What? Dude, assimilate.
267
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,327
Are Mother and Lana still in the vault?
268
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,495
No.
I-- Ugh!
269
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:34,423
A situation, by the way,
for which I blame you entirely.
270
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,461
How is this my fault? You were the--
271
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,631
Holy shit, there really are
nerve-gas canisters up here.
272
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,094
I thought that was a joke.
273
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,553
How is that funny?
274
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,309
ARCHER".
Because I said so.
275
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:48,347
What's this even written on?
A bar bill, and just do it.
276
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,641
Forget about actually fixing the rocket.
277
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,684
But what about the robot fight?
278
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:54,978
And why are you beating on shit?
279
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,646
Because shit is stuck.
280
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,986
Dude, it's not a fricking tractor.
281
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,571
That's what all the space nerds up here
kept saying.
282
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,157
Until Other Barry just couldn't
stand it anymore.
283
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,321
Krieger.
284
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:08,162
Forget the robot fight
and just read the damn script.
285
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,167
Then upload the audio to the mainframe.
286
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:15,715
Okay, either Barry. I need you to find
a female coax bus connector.
287
00:15:15,873 --> 00:15:18,672
What's a female Whatever look like?
288
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,132
Pam.
289
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,511
Par“!
290
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,218
Pam!
What?!
291
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:24,928
Come on, I need your help on--
292
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:28,721
Wait, What were you doing in there?
Nothing. But don't go in there.
293
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,229
No. Uh-uh.
294
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:33,517
That's how Mother and Lana wound up
locked in the vault.
295
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:36,402
A situation, by the way, for which--
I heard you!
296
00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:39,781
Come on. You're still into all
that stupid AV stuff, right?
297
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:43,318
Uh... Not really.
298
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,953
Okay, so screw those in.
299
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:48,865
Wait, all of them?
Damn it, man, I said screw.
300
00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,783
I am screwing.
301
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,372
Wow, this might actually work.
302
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:53,536
What's that?
303
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:56,377
I said, why not use this one?
No. Give me that.
304
00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:59,713
Why? What's on here?
Nothing. Jesus.
305
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,219
Christ, Ray.
306
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:03,425
Is it too much to ask? Just once?
307
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:07,218
To be unconscious in a bathroom
without being sexually assaulted by--?
308
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:11,013
You have a dart in your neck.
309
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,181
So do you.
Oh.
310
00:16:13,514 --> 00:16:16,188
Sorry I accused you of--
It's okay.
311
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,441
Come on, let's find
our--
312
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:23,908
- No!
- No!
313
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,910
Heh, heh, heh. Yes.
Ha, ha, ha. Ow!
314
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:30,824
Will you focus?
That's as good as I can get it, dick-nuts.
315
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,961
Shut up. Okay, then that'll have to do.
So make a tape or whatever, and--
316
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:39,750
So just a quick heads-up. Miss Archer
and Lana are still in the vault.
317
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,876
- Then why are you bothering--?
- Cheryl!
318
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,089
Pam, you better not be making pornos.
319
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:47,802
Okay.
Tape, woman, tape.
320
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:51,094
Okay, here. Dick-nuts.
321
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,943
I'm afraid I have some bad news.
322
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:05,107
Now, the audio's a little rough, you know.
323
00:17:05,274 --> 00:17:09,120
I mean, it's from outer space, but--
Sterling, please, I want to hear it.
324
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,121
Well, Katya, you say that...
325
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:14,117
Barry? Barry, it's me, Archer.
326
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,956
That's me talking to Barry.
Shh.
327
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,166
Classic Archer.
That's Barry, talking to--
328
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:21,458
So listen,
Katya asked me to call you.
329
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:24,468
Shit.
She's wondering why you left.
330
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,470
BARRY".
Because couldn't stand it anymore.
331
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:30,509
So you lied to her about being
on the space station because-?
332
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:33,144
BARRY".
Archer. I am screwing...
333
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,771
...female scientists up here. All of them.
334
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:39,642
ARCHER". Oh, I was gonna ask which
one, but-- All of them. All of them.
335
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,607
All of-
Okay, Barry, --
336
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:44,568
BARRY".
Different ways. Like“ In asshole.
337
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,658
Okay, Barry. Jesus, have some--
338
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,906
Katya, baby, don't. Come on, you'll--
339
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:57,703
Wait, does that even hurt your hands?
The only thing that hurts is my heart.
340
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:02,669
And when Barry gets back, his heart
will hurt because I will rip it out.
341
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:05,301
What if Barry wasn't coming back?
342
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,678
But you said Krieger was fixing rocket.
343
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:12,138
Yeah, but only because he wanted to see
an epic robot-- Oh, shit.
344
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,803
Will you excuse me for a sec?
345
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,186
No, no, no!
346
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,646
Yeah. I think that's got her, dude.
347
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:23,857
Told you it was the viscous coupling.
348
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,522
Well, goody, you win space camp.
349
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:30,159
So tel! Archer I'm coming for him.
Phrasing, boom, and both Barrys out.
350
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,535
Krieger!
351
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:35,039
Why is Barry rocket-shipping away
from the fricking space station?
352
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,700
Because Newton's third law of motion.
353
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:40,666
Hey, thanks, Neil deGrasse Tyson.
354
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,877
Ooh. DeGrasse Tyson-sen.
355
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,135
How the hell did you fix his ship?
I gave you a bunch of gibberish.
356
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,887
I may have gone a teeny bit off-script'?
357
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:52,219
Wha--? What is Wrong with you'?
358
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,634
With me? Dude, robot fight.
359
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,849
Oh, and Barry said tell you he's--
I heard him.
360
00:18:58,012 --> 00:19:01,482
Okay, I'll tell Katya to pack a bag
and we'll move to Alaska...
361
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,565
...or somewhere else snowy
where he can't track us.
362
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:05,899
Doesn't even make sense.
363
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,780
You know what doesn't make sense?
364
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:10,361
The number you have dialed
has been disconnected...
365
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:13,778
No!
...or is no longer in service. Goodbye.
366
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,413
Hey Pumpkin pie.
367
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:23,375
Yeah, don't give me your pie of
pumpkin, Barry. You are in the big trouble.
368
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:24,584
I told you.
369
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:27,000
I said don't try to kill Sterling,
and what do you do?
370
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,713
Uh, that.
371
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:30,469
Da, but I do what you ask me.
372
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:34,098
To repair your rocket, I use Sterling,
and once again break his heart, so--
373
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,803
Archer'? Ha. Please.
374
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:39,812
No, you please, he loves me.
You should have heard that pathetic tape.
375
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:41,768
Well, whatever, look--
No, you look.
376
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,650
When you get home, you're going
to have some new ground rules.
377
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:49,030
Ha, ha, ha. Okay, hon.
Look, I'm sorry I lied...
378
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,442
...but, uh' I make the rules.
379
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,828
I mean. heh, heh,
I am the head of the KGB, so--
380
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,785
Hello? Darling, you're breaking up.
381
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:06,088
Now, who do I have to screw
to get a drink around here?
382
00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:09,877
Nobody, rna'am. Unless you want.
383
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:15,260
And if you do want, I can be bottom.
384
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:17,517
No problem there.30360
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