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1
00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:04,592
Item six.
2
00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:07,261
We're not done with item five.
3
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:10,928
Well, obviously we are,
because I just said "item six."
4
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:14,098
Where are we supposed to eat lunch
if you close the break room?
5
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,311
Wherever you'd like.
6
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,853
As long as it's not
Le Cirque, Lutéce, Elaine's, 21
7
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,692
...The Russian Tea Room or The Palm.
8
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,777
Like we can afford to eat lunch
at any of those.
9
00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:25,819
All the better. Saves us the embarrassment
of my snubbing you.
10
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,611
Malory--
And-- Shut up.
11
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:31,282
--It will save me God knows
how much on exterminators.
12
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,166
That break room is disgusting.
13
00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:35,168
A pig wouldn't be caught dead in there.
14
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,374
Yeah, it would.
15
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,585
Aw. Pigley Two.
16
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,466
And you,
Mr. I-Can-Solve-Your-Ant-Problem.
17
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:44,970
First of all,
it's Dr. I-Can-Solve-Your-Ant-Problem...
18
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:56,683
...and second of all, here's your refund.
I really thought that would work.
19
00:00:56,848 --> 00:01:01,775
Ha. What were you going for, ant-strength
relative to the size of a human?
20
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:05,817
Shut up.
Everyone shut up, because item six:
21
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:10,654
Talk to Pam today, because somehow
and seemingly impossibly soon...
22
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:14,121
...it is once again time for peer reviews.
23
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,286
Ugh, how can you not hate those?
24
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,125
I don't know, maybe I'm the only one...
25
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:22,212
...who cares about this being an efficient
and supportive work environment.
26
00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:24,672
Maybe you're lame.
Maybe you can shut your dick-holster.
27
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:27,839
So see me after,
I've got everyone paired off.
28
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,507
Well, except Ms. Archer.
29
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,801
Why don't you have to do it?
Well, I would...
30
00:01:31,967 --> 00:01:34,595
...if I had a peer in this entire building.
31
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,263
Item seven:
32
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,477
Oh.
33
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,016
You all remember Lucas Troy.
34
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:43,020
That shitbag.
What're you talking about? Luke's awesome.
35
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,860
He's a kickass agent, a great wingman...
36
00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,117
...he can drink Ireland under the table--
37
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:51,620
Oh, man, back when we were
training together, we tore it up!
38
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,530
Just like his ISIS contract.
39
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,291
I trained him for a year and the minute
he's worth a damn...
40
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,043
...he goes to work for ODIN.
41
00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:01,000
She said, oversimplifyingly.
Wha--?
42
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:04,212
And so, congratulations
to all our new agents...
43
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:08,550
...but especially to our highest-scoring
recruit, Lucas Troy.
44
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,090
Way to go, Luke!
Uh...
45
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:15,852
I'm gonna work for ODIN.
He was still awesome.
46
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:17,388
And my best--
Only--
47
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,727
Shut up. My best friend, Mother...
48
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:21,016
which is why you hated him...
49
00:02:21,183 --> 00:02:23,561
...because you were jealous
of our relationship.
50
00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,897
So you two were in a relationship.
51
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:30,409
No, not the Ray kind.
Meaning?
52
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,741
Homosexual, Ray. So, so obviously.
53
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:36,327
What's not obvious, Mother,
is why my best friend...
54
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,209
...the awesome Luke Troy,
is on your stupid agenda!
55
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:42,338
Oh, right, let's see here.
56
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,422
Oh. He's dead.
57
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,011
He's what?
Dead.
58
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,956
Jesus, clean the
secretly-gay-for-Lucas-Troy
59
00:02:51,969 --> 00:02:53,765
out of your ears.
60
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:33,635
This is crazy, how could Luke be--
Gay?
61
00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:34,844
Dead, Lana!
62
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:37,976
And your little, whatever,
gay innuendos don't even merit a--
63
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:39,352
Reach-around?
64
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:42,556
Ow! Jesus!
Ha!
65
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,226
It's just like my birthday party
all over again.
66
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:47,394
Remember?
No!
67
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,609
Yeah. Because you weren't invited.
68
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,648
Mother, tell me exactly what happened.
69
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:54,944
To lure a black market arms dealer
into the open...
70
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,204
...Troy was posing
as a nuclear scientist...
71
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,956
...who had stolen enough uranium
for a dirty bomb.
72
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,959
Oh, man, that is classic Luke the Spook!
73
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:08,500
"Hey, stupid, here's your fake uranium,"
click, handcuffs, drops mic on stage.
74
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:09,962
Yes, that was the plan.
75
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:13,504
But somehow, thanks to what
I just assume is ODIN idiocy...
76
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:17,015
...Troy acquired real uranium.
Even classicer.
77
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,848
The bad guys would obviously
bring a geiger counter.
78
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,604
And ten million dollars in bearer bonds.
79
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,390
And when the smoke had cleared...
80
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,775
...four ODIN agents were dead,
the uranium...
81
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,356
...the bad guys and the money
had all disappeared.
82
00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,613
And so had Troy.
Doesn't prove anything.
83
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,774
Oh, for--
Archer, if it walks like a duck...
84
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:37,365
...and quacks like a duck
and murders a bunch of its fellow ducks--
85
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,872
Then, uh, maybe the duck
knew there was a mole. Huh?
86
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,830
Ever think of that? That maybe
there's a fox in the henhouse?
87
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,744
Or a wolf in sheep's clothing?
88
00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:48,164
Or one of the other tricky animals?
89
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:49,422
Well, we'll never know.
90
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:52,050
The plane he escaped in
crashed in Vermont.
91
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:55,213
What, no, I bet he faked his own death
so he can expose the mole.
92
00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:57,722
Uh, there is no mole and faked it how?
93
00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,349
Paging Dr. Cooper.
94
00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:01,101
Dr. D.B. Cooper.
95
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:04,229
Lana, he obviously bailed out and--
And then...
96
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,264
...landed safely, buried his chute...
97
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,183
...ran ten miles to the crash site...
98
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:11,149
...and then strapped himself
into the still-burning Wreckage?
99
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,734
That... That could be anybody.
100
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,571
Well, anybody with his dental records.
What?
101
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,576
Yes, Sterling, I'm...
102
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,158
Actually no, I'm not sorry.
103
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:24,825
He was a traitor and a thief
and so I'm glad he's dead.
104
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:28,541
If he is! Because you've always been
insanely jealous of my friends!
105
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:39,515
So if you'll excuse me, Mother, I have to
go clear the name of an American hero.
106
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:43,177
Does he seem
almost a little too fond of Troy?
107
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,266
Yeah, and you know he was gay, right?
108
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:48,523
As a tangerine. In jean shorts.
109
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:52,482
I thought Troy was already dead.
Because he wants you to think that!
110
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:57,525
But I have a list of all his known aliases,
so see if any of them used a passport.
111
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,945
Oh, or a credit card.
Yeah, like at roughtrade.net.
112
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:03,580
Lana, I will hire Kenny Loggins
to come here...
113
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:06,867
...and play an acoustic set
while I slap some sense into you.
114
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:10,663
Ray, back me up here.
Luke Troy, yes or no, gayest dude ever?
115
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:14,667
Uh... Ow! Ha-ha-ha!
116
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,927
Dude, what? It was just the tip.
117
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:21,465
Meathead frat-boy asshole jock maybe,
but no, definitely not gay.
118
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,599
What?
Boom!
119
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:26,811
Sorry. What?
120
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,974
What? I knew it. Where is he?
121
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:33,144
And why don't we leave
the terrace door open, Woodhouse?
122
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,779
Exactly, because he's a fricking lemur.
123
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,439
Call me when you find a lead.
124
00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:39,859
I'll be somewhere in or on top
of my building...
125
00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:43,325
...shooting tranquilizer darts
at the world's shittiest pet.
126
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:44,988
Told him when he bought it.
127
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:49,001
And I'm telling you these reviews
are mandatory and since I outrank you--
128
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:53,130
Hang on, let me check this imaginary list
of all the people I report to.
129
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:55,961
- Okay.
- What the hell is this?
130
00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:59,344
This mustache on a penis is Rodney.
131
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:03,177
And since there's only one name
on this list, you must be Ms. Archer...
132
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,638
...cleverly disguised as a large man.
133
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,020
Ha, ha. He's the new,
whatever, gun librarian.
134
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,683
Armory supervisor.
Hooray, what's with the cage?
135
00:07:12,849 --> 00:07:16,649
Oh, some wacky new thing the kids
are doing called "inventory control."
136
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:20,281
Ms. Archer's pissed cause a bunch of guns
and stuff keep going missing.
137
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:25,621
Oh, and let me know if you need
a gallon of irradiated ants.
138
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:26,826
Well, whatever.
139
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:31,334
I need range time, so scuttle back into the
little domain over which you have power...
140
00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,541
...and get me 1000 rounds
of nine mil wadcutter.
141
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:37,333
Absolutely. Just fill out these
requisition forms, in triplicate.
142
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:42,096
Wha--? For a few lousy bullets?
Well, one, uh, they are excellent bullets.
143
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:45,257
Are you gonna stand there,
in what I assume are two-inch lifts...
144
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,972
...and tell me Archer
filled out your stupid forms...
145
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,387
...just to get a tranquilizer gun?
No, I am not.
146
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,555
Well?
He filled them out to get...
147
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:57,186
...two H&K MP5, 2000 rounds
ammunition for same...
148
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,480
...20 mark-two fragmentation
grenade.
149
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,365
Wait a minute.
Yeah, that lemur is hosed.
150
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:05,198
Fourteen days survival ration,
two night vision goggle...
151
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,079
...two each arctic camouflage parka
and pant and...
152
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:12,000
...two pairs snowshoe.
Son of a bitch!
153
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:15,002
That phone call was--
Luke!
154
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:20,964
Dude, I knew you faked your death because a
mole framed you for stealing that uranium!
155
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:24,175
That is such a relief,
I was worried they turned you against me.
156
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:29,093
Are you kidding? Dude, bros before
apparent threats to national security.
157
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:32,934
Archer, you sure you're up for this?
Because this thing, it runs deep.
158
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:35,064
Dude, I love deep.
Said your mom.
159
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:37,567
Ha-ha-ha! Classic you!
160
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:40,275
All right, GPS says I'll be there
in four hours.
161
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,064
Don't worry, Luke. I'm coming for you.
162
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,737
What was that'?
Phrasing.
163
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:47,698
Ha! Nice. Queer.
164
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,993
Wait a-- Oh, my God, holy shit!
165
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,875
No, Vermont has liquor stores. Right?
166
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,083
Yeah, they have to, it sucks there.
167
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,292
Cyril, not now.
168
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,803
What's the signal strength
on Archer's cellphone?
169
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,305
The doohickey says
he's about 30 minutes away.
170
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,013
And my point was,
we could easily have done this by now.
171
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,974
And my point is that pursuing
a dangerous rogue agent...
172
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,264
...isn't the optimal time
to do peer reviews.
173
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:20,064
Could have done it ten times by now.
Goddamn it, fine, fricking review me.
174
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,899
Section one, team dynamics.
175
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:25,862
Question one, "Does employee
cooperate with others and..."
176
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:29,202
Oh. These are all Strongly Disagree.
177
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,322
You...
Pussy!
178
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:36,872
Shut up, it went down wrong.
Yeah, said your...
179
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,582
Oh.
Yeah, doesn't work there.
180
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:42,466
Mm. Okay, uh, say "Thanks for coming."
Nope.
181
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,798
No, seriously, if anybody finds out
I helped you, I'll be disavowed.
182
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,133
I know. Dude, I know. Thank you.
183
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:49,343
Nope. For?
184
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,554
God, what a dick.
Said your mom. Boom!
185
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,218
Damn it.
So easy.
186
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:56,979
Okay. I got an El Camino
full of rampage here, so what's the plan?
187
00:09:57,138 --> 00:10:00,642
Right, yes, okay, so,
I know it doesn't look like much now...
188
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:03,187
...but it has tons of potential.
189
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:07,028
As a base of operations
while We track down the mole...
190
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:11,286
...who framed you for murdering colleagues
and selling uranium on the black market?
191
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,118
No, asshole. As a bed-and-breakfast.
192
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,874
Uh--
Twin Oaks. You like that?
193
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,536
For the name? Twin Oaks.
194
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:21,834
Seriously?
195
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:25,751
Uh, yeah, according to the doohickey,
it says Archer's in that direction.
196
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:28,386
Are you reading it wrong?
Within two hundred meters.
197
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,344
I bet you're reading it wrong.
Section two, interpersonal.
198
00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:33,884
"Does employee frequently
criticize oth----"
199
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,889
Ahem. Strongly agree.
200
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,268
Somewhat disagree?
Somewhat shut up.
201
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,649
Come on, we're going on foot
through the woods.
202
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,731
I've got a bad feeling about this.
203
00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,362
I know, but imagine it all fixed up.
204
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:48,194
No, yeah, I mean obviously it's--
205
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,905
It's gonna be amazing, dude,
look at these floors.
206
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,411
That's Heart of Pine.
Yeah, so, uh-- So look--
207
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,073
Look at the mantelpiece. Mahogany.
208
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:57,365
There's another seven!
209
00:10:57,532 --> 00:11:00,376
Eight fireplaces, dude,
how nuts is that?
210
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:03,163
Pretty nuts.
Said your mom! Ha, ha.
211
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:07,675
Yeah, so, uh, about un-framing you
for treason and murder.
212
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:11,555
Yeah, I don't know, man, it kind of
seems like, "What's the point?", you know?
213
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:15,138
I don't, actually.
Come on, there's too much evidence.
214
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,769
I mean it's all fake, obviously--
Exactly.
215
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,770
Dude, there's a mole in your agency.
216
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:22,057
We gotta catch him.
But then what?
217
00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:24,772
Then there's another mole,
or a double agent...
218
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:27,778
...on and on,
it's all just secrets and lies, man.
219
00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,735
Yeah, it's espionage.
220
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:33,118
I can't go back to that world, man.
I'm too tired.
221
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:36,576
Hopefully that's just neurological damage
from scraping lead paint.
222
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:37,785
No, it's--
223
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:40,200
Because turning the Munsters' house
into a B&B...
224
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,915
...is an insane response
to your situation.
225
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:46,172
It'd be cheaper to build a brand new house
out of actual money.
226
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:50,131
Yeah, I know it'll cost a fortune
to fix her up, but money's not a problem.
227
00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,467
Why-- Wait, Why is money not a problem?
228
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:58,136
And my situation is, anyone who could
hurt me thinks I'm already dead.
229
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,554
Wait, and who was in the plane?
Huh?
230
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,222
I said who was in the goddamn--
231
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:06,317
No, no, no, what the hell?
232
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,773
How could you not see that?
233
00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:11,065
Because I only have two eyes and
they were busy looking for hunters!
234
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,781
Why, is it pumpkin season?
Is that a thing?
235
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:19,164
Archer, were you followed here?
Wow, really? Okay, a little insulting.
236
00:12:19,322 --> 00:12:22,166
I think I know how to spot a tail, so--
ls your phone on?
237
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,669
Wha--? No. Jesus, what kind of...
238
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:32,169
...wallpaper are you thinking about?
Because, uh, I think it needs a textile.
239
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,801
Lana, listen.
No, you listen. We're--
240
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:38,842
- Ow!
Ha-ha-ha!
241
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,305
Leave it.
242
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,345
The voice mailbox of...
243
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,811
- Ugh.
- ...is full. Goodbye.
244
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:51,484
Why is Lana Kane-- And is that
the geeky little accountant dude?
245
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:53,319
--Attempting to breach my perimeter?
246
00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:56,951
I honestly don't know,
but why are you doing that?
247
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,283
Because they are a threat.
No, they're not.
248
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,369
To our future together.
Especially not Cyril.
249
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:05,160
He's-- Wait, I'm sorry,
whose future together?
250
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,830
Yours and mine, dumb-ass.
Uh, you lost me.
251
00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:11,216
No, Archer, I thought I had.
You did.
252
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:15,220
But then you came back to me. Wait, wait.
Don't take this the wrong way...
253
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:18,165
...but I'm, uh, getting
an extremely gay vibe.
254
00:13:18,178 --> 00:13:20,976
Wha--? Jesus, dude, I'm not gay.
255
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,557
For other men.
Uh, lost me again.
256
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,812
I can't really explain.
257
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:28,601
You know rne, I've banged more hot chicks
than I've had hot dinners, but...
258
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,398
...there is something about you.
259
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:34,940
That makes you gay for me?
Well, I don't really like that word.
260
00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:38,030
Well, sorry, I didn't invent English.
It's more like...
261
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:41,867
...a singular same-sex attraction.
Can I, uh-- Um...
262
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,327
Man, my head is spinning.
263
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:47,244
I know, this is a lot to process.
No, like, literally.
264
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,959
Well, figuratively. if it was literally...
265
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:53,250
The wine. You drugged the wine?
266
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,090
Yeah, sorry. I thought you might
freak out when I told you all this.
267
00:13:56,252 --> 00:14:00,098
It's understandable. I mean, I'd do me.
268
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:04,932
Also when I told you I actually did steal
the uranium and murder my fellow agents.
269
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,722
You dick.
To fund our life together, dude.
270
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:11,189
Which will start right after
I go murder your fellow agents.
271
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,445
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, hang on.
272
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:17,107
You had same wine,
how did you not get drug?
273
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:19,025
Coated the inside of the glass.
274
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:21,569
Classic you!
275
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:30,249
Well, this is a fricking disaster.
I know.
276
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:33,961
When Ron said we were going on a cruise,
I almost vomited blood.
277
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,922
No. Nobody's doing their peer reviews.
278
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:40,806
Pam, the word "disaster" implies
it's something that actually matters.
279
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,091
It matters to me.
Well, but you don't.
280
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:47,516
Well, then maybe instead of doing my job,
I'll go hang out in Vermont...
281
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:49,772
...with Luke Troy
and all the other assholes.
282
00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:50,978
What?
283
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,392
Oops.
284
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,607
Trace Sterling's phone and scramble
every available field agent.
285
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:58,148
I want them all converging
on his location.
286
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:01,488
They kind of already are.
There's only, like, two of them.
287
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,530
So why are these damn peer reviews
so hard?
288
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:09,451
Only like ten people work in this whole
goddamn chickenshit outfit.
289
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:14,422
Sorry.
Oh, don't be. It is a chickenshit outfit.
290
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,173
Look,
for your information...
291
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,506
...blaze orange is the safest color to wear
to avoid being accidentally shot at.
292
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,306
Aah!
What about intentionally shot at?
293
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,676
Oh, man, this is almost too easy.
294
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,595
Oh, for-- Seriously?
295
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,355
Yeah, gotta give them a head start.
296
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:34,484
One Sterling Archer,
two Sterling Archer.
297
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,940
Ooh. Sterling Archer-Troy.
298
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:39,151
We can take each other's names.
I'd be--
299
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,315
Luke.
300
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:43,860
Come on, you're not thinking straight.
301
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:49,408
A, you wildly underestimated
my liver's ability to metabolize toxins.
302
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:54,000
And B,
why would you possibly have these?
303
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:57,132
Because I'm not the idiot
that took his idiot clothes off.
304
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,133
Just your jacket, come on,
I'm freezing!
305
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,544
No!
Ugh.
306
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,964
I am gonna give you the worst peer review
in the history of them.
307
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,518
Hey, Lana.
Where's Archer?
308
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:12,726
Did you kill him?
He's fine. Unlike your aim.
309
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,687
Guess you never learned how to shoot.
310
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:18,149
- What? First of all, shit-ass.
- Or take criticism.
311
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,530
Strongly agree.
And from where?
312
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,899
Under“ - ...wear..
313
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,408
What was it we used to call you?
314
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:25,819
- Truckasaurus?
- Cyril?
315
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:29,239
No, it was- Oh, yeah, Spray-And-Pray.
316
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,413
Damn it.
We also called you Shirley Temper.
317
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:36,420
Uh, Cyril?
Which, you know, lame.
318
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,673
But accurate. Ha, ha.
319
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,585
Again, unlike your aim.
320
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:45,176
Which is why I thought it was weird
you only ever carried two magazines.
321
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:48,763
Section three, Organization Skills.
Cyril!
322
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:51,553
"Employee is often unprepared
for important meetings."
323
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,596
Strongly agree!
324
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,515
You left your gun in a pile of clothes.
325
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,354
Because I had nowhere to put it!
326
00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:01,442
And yet you found room for a 20-page
wad of Pam's stupid peer review!
327
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,606
It's important to her.
328
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:08,449
Okay, so don't really know
what to make of that.
329
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,830
Unless...
330
00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:13,116
Wait, no, get it out of your head.
331
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,660
Predator only hunts in tropical jungles.
332
00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,796
I assume. And desperately hope.
333
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:21,624
Damn it.
334
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,422
Well, have you found Sterling?
335
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,386
Well, his phone's
in this house.
336
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,894
It's about 20 miles north of Bennington,
so I assume it's a B&B.
337
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,178
Well, you would know.
338
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:37,895
And if you want to keep those teeth, missy,
you won't suck them at me.
339
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,480
You know--
Shut up, have you tried calling him?
340
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:44,985
Leave it.
Yes.
341
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,275
You could've said--
342
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:49,865
Damn it.
All right.
343
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:53,702
I swear to God, you people...
Just say the word on the nerve gas.
344
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:58,586
Feel like I owe you a freebie after
the Whole ant-Krieger thing.
345
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:04,217
I can't go anymore. Can't do it.
Section four, running.
346
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:07,800
Employee sucks ass at it. Strongly agree.
347
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:10,306
Lana? Little geek dude'?
348
00:18:10,464 --> 00:18:16,016
My only regret is I won't get to
turn this in because it is scathing.
349
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:18,852
That can't possibly be your only regret.
350
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:21,109
There's dating you.
Actually no, that was...
351
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,520
...far and away the best thing
that ever happened to me.
352
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:27,862
So as much as I'd like to, I don't
think now's an optimal time for that.
353
00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,276
Aw, really?
354
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,195
I mean, if you think we have time...
Cyril.
355
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:36,241
Aah! Yeah, we don't have time.
Not for this, dickbrain.
356
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:39,661
For that.
What, what is...? Oh.
357
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,876
Oh, okay.
But do get naked. Panties too.
358
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:46,509
Yeah, they're called briefs.
Yeah, you're a grown man?
359
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:49,007
Yeah, that's our Lana.
360
00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:53,050
Let's see, so judging from
the shell ejection, she was firing at...
361
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,718
...what I really hope was not an Ent.
362
00:18:56,719 --> 00:19:01,225
Because that is, like,
the last thing we need. An Entmoot.
363
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:05,361
- Oh, my God. What if I'm gay for Tolkien?
- Dude.
364
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:08,147
Seriously, not that it's gonna matter
in 30 seconds...
365
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,816
...but what is your problem?
366
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,906
Well, besides Lana ditching me.
For what, an Entmoot?
367
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:15,242
Because she's got those
big-ass tree-hands?
368
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,247
I'd have to go with hypothermia.
369
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,329
Well, I know a cure for that.
370
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,085
Oh, my God, not in my face!
371
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,041
Said your mom, boom. Ha.
372
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:25,673
Sorry, that's terrible to hear that
right before you--
373
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:28,584
What in the hell is...?
Well, you know what they say.
374
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,675
Big hands. Big dick.
375
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:33,180
No!
376
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:36,596
- Ew.
- Gross.
377
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:37,806
Luke?
378
00:19:37,968 --> 00:19:39,561
Archer?
Shut up. Luke?
379
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,973
Archer? Oh, dude, is it bad?
380
00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:43,231
There's, uh--
381
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,689
There's kind of a lot of blood down there.
Said your mom.
382
00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:48,278
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
Seriously.
383
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:49,984
No, for everything.
384
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,946
The uranium, killing my fellow agents...
385
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,531
...that hobo I set on fire...
386
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:58,039
...after I paid him to get his teeth
drilled to match my dental records.
387
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,542
Jesus, the dentist.
God damn, dude.
388
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:02,873
I know.
389
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,959
But I only did it because
I wanted us to be together forever.
390
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:08,716
Called it.
I've loved you since the day we met.
391
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,627
So mostly, I'm sorry for...
392
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:13,922
Remember that training mission
in the DR?
393
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:17,683
Uh, yeah, tap-and-trace
on the Cuban embassy.
394
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,640
Then we got shit-housed on mama Juana.
395
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:23,056
Yeah, and then after,
you passed out in your room?
396
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,314
Uh...
397
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:28,148
Yeah.
Well, after you passed out, I--
398
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:31,484
Luke, if you really do love me...
You know I do.
399
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:35,402
...then please don't finish that sentence.
Dude. It's my deathbed confession.
400
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,070
Come on, I'm dying.
401
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,955
Well, I'm not, so please, don't--
After you passed out...
402
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:43,163
...I snuck into your room
with a big bottle of suntan oil...
403
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:49,582
- ...put on some Al Green and...
- No!
404
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,223
Can we have the radio'?33297
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