Original subtitles

[all laughing]

‐ Oh. Hello, there.

You're probably wondering what we're doing.

Short answer‐‐ saving the Earth... again.

‐ You know, with all the problems in the world,

some people think environmental work isn't important.

We disagree.

‐ And when our help is needed to get a baby gorilla

back to her habitat in the African mountains,

well, to us, to this anti‐poaching squad,

and to our agency,

it's the most important thing in the world.

‐ Then we pan to the baby gorilla.

‐ Tiny hand just reaching out of the cage.

‐ Like she's reaching out to us.

‐ It's cynical. ‐ Empty.

both: But effective!

‐ Just like your agency. ‐ I know, right?

‐ But beyond the obvious pandering,

why do you even need this?

Isn't the spy thing meant to be a secret?

‐ Who am I to say we shouldn't tell everyone

the awesome things we do?

‐ We are not telling everyone. ‐ Shouldn't we, though?

‐ The photos and videos will only be uploaded

to Global Spy Wire.

‐ Great branding.

And it'll show a softer side to your agency.

‐ So soft. ‐ Baby soft.

‐ Enchiladas in your shoes soft.

‐ Tamales in your zapatos soft.

‐ Are you as hungry as I am? ‐ Ugh, hungrier.

‐ Good to know that capitalism is alive and well.

‐ Hey, if it helps us get business

and we're helping the environment,

it's kind of a win‐win, right?

‐ Don't you think you should help just for the environment,

not for the publicity?

‐ Um, not when I'm this great on camera.

Ha, whoever said acting was hard?

‐ No one. ‐ Nobody?

‐ Nobody. ‐ Really?

I'm sure it was someone.

Voltaire maybe?

That sounds right.

Well, he was an idiot.

[main title theme]

♪ ♪

Alton: Yes. Yes, exactly, yes.

‐ I guess I should thank you guys

for coming on such short notice.

‐ Honestly, it's nice to be out of the house.

Robert's been a little, um... ‐ Let's not get off topic.

We might need a couple more takes.

‐ Which would be Lana's fault,

since I'm pretty sure I nailed it.

‐ We want you to highlight the brand.

‐ For a clear corporate identity.

‐ Whether that's B2B. ‐ B2C.

‐ Bea Arthur. ‐ BRB.

[laughs] You are nailing this.

‐ Does that mean say the name of the agency?

Jesus, was a marketing degree worth that?

‐ It was, and it wasn't.

‐ So did we finally pick a name?

‐ Better. We have tons of options.

‐ Wait. Where are my suggestions?

Like Archer's Angels? Fun‐dercover?

Those were gold. ‐ Yeah...

Maybe we'll revisit this in a more positive headspace.

‐ Great. Then if you're done...

‐ And what about Spy‐cial?

You can't say no. ‐ No.

Look‐‐your job here is pretty straightforward.

This squad saved that baby gorilla from poachers.

Archer: Oh, man.

Do not let me look at that baby gorilla in the eyes.

‐ Ugh. Not this again.

‐ Lana, you're just jealous

that my soul lovingly connects

to the pure animals of the world,

but yours makes them hate you.

‐ Hey. That is not true.

Hey, buddy, come on. [baby gorilla grunting]

‐ You don't need to take care of the gorilla.

Just help safely get everyone to the mountain pass

where their habitat is.

‐ Everyone meaning us, the anti‐poaching squad,

the baby gorilla, and the Cloud B marketers?

‐ Oh, no, we won't be joining you‐‐too busy.

‐ Turns out central Africa has several exclusive resorts.

‐ Which means room service. ‐ Spa service.

both: Stealing cotton robes!

‐ So, Sandra, we're leaving you in charge of the camera.

‐ Oh, hard pass.

I am here to act as the UN liaison.

‐ Then you can liaise the camera into your hands.

[both laughing]

‐ You know, Lana, you might want to use this time

to reconnect with your roots.

‐ Uh, what? ‐ Africa.

It is your birthright.

‐ Since Africa is nothing like Berkeley, where I'm from,

it's really not.

As the liaison, are you in charge

of the anti‐poaching squad?

‐ In charge of them?

That is such a colonial mindset.

‐ Actually, I am in charge.

‐ Wow. What is her story?

‐ That's Neva.

‐ She leads the anti‐poaching squad's rescue missions

and is responsible for saving

over two dozen endangered species.

‐ He meant‐‐is she single?

‐ I appreciate you helping with the expedition.

We may be quietly judging your photos,

but we'll tolerate them since your agency...

‐ Spy‐cial.

‐ Made a sizable contribution to us.

This won't be an easy trip,

so we need all the help we can get.

We'll take the Land Rovers to the river,

then canoe to the base of the mountain.

Then we'll hike to the cross‐river gorilla refuge.

It's a very rare breed

but vital to the mountain's ecosystem.

‐ Because they help seed disbursement,

which effects tree growth.

I studied environmental science.

‐ So did I. ‐ Me too.

‐ [laughs] Nerd burn.

‐ Look, take your photos, but do not get in the way.

‐ Of course. We understand that.

‐ Unrelated‐‐maybe Neva and I should get some photos

of the two of us while we're here, because, you know...

‐ Or we stay focused.

My crew knows this terrain. You do not.

And since medevacs are expensive,

keep an eye out for dangers‐‐

snakes, hippos, crocodiles.

‐ Crocodiles?

‐ You had to know there'd be wild animals in the wild.

‐ Crocodiles aren't animals.

They're prehistoric underwater dinosaurs.

But, luckily, I brought some friends.

‐ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You cannot bring those with us.

‐ What?

It's literally a jungle out there.

‐ The UN mandate said no guns.

‐ There was a mandate for this? ‐ Yeah.

It also included working

with an all‐female anti‐poaching squad.

‐ The UN found when they give the expedition money to men,

they spend it on booze and whores.

[flask lid pops]

‐ Ahh.

Like the UN knows anything.

And, uh, by the way, we say sex workers now.

‐ Jeezy Petes.

Is there anything you won't do for money?

‐ As part of our rebranding,

we can charge more for our services

if we do an environmental upgrade.

‐ There are really basic qualifications

we should have already been following.

‐ Nevertheless... ‐ This says we've been dumping

our waste into local parks!

‐ Nevertheless!

The money we get isn't nearly as much

as the upgrade cost.

So, instead, Dr. Krieger designed

environmentally friendly

smart light bulbs and thermostats.

‐ I call it Cerebrus‐‐ totally different from Cerebro.

‐ Uh, is Krieger the best idea for this?

‐ Since he'll do it for free, yes.

‐ Doesn't it seem way more likely

that Cerebrus is...

‐ It's pronounced Ce‐ree‐brus.

‐ It seems more likely Cerebrus

will be something creepy.

‐ Oh, don't be so paranoid.

‐ Let me give you a demonstration.

[light bass guitar music]

female voice: Hello. I'm the Cerebrus thermostat.

It is my pleasure to control your temperature.

‐ See?

There's nothing weird about that.

female voice: I exist solely for your pleasure.

‐ And this seems...normal.

‐ Normally I do all the work around here,

but now you'll be doing that or just doing whatever I say.

‐ Ooh. Who's the fresh meat?

‐ She's not here for you. She's the new intern I hired.

‐ Oh, man.

Ms. Archer's gonna be pissed

if you hired somebody else she's got to pay.

‐ That's what great about interns.

We don't have to pay them anything.

‐ And how's that going for you, kid?

‐ She's not allowed to speak

because she kept asking stupid questions like,

"What do you do here?" and, "Isn't it inefficient

to smash computers when you're annoyed?"

‐ But what do you do here? ‐ That's what she sounds like!

‐ [laughs] Man.

Between whatever Krieger's doing and this whole thing,

I think shit's about to pop off in here.

‐ It will if this intern

keeps saying she can make a‐‐ what was it called?

"Digital filing system."

Just because you graduated top of your class

from an Ivy League school

doesn't mean you know everything.

And you have to listen to what I say

because I'm not not your supervisor!

[mysterious music]

Lana: Another text from Robert.

Honestly, it's starting to feel suffocating.

Do you think it's normal to feel like that?

♪ ♪

You don't speak English, do you?

‐ Well, here we are.

Really getting a "Mogambo" vibe.

‐ I beg your pardon?

‐ You know, the classic movie.

I'm Clark Gable.

You're a less‐obvious Ava Gardner.

[gasps] Or maybe I'm Ava Gardner.

‐ Sorry. You're not my type.

‐ Oh, I see.

You're around women all the time, I get it, but, you know,

you're probably missing someone with certain qualities.

‐ You mean a white guy who smells of cheap liquor?

I've met plenty of you.

‐ Cheap?

‐ You know, when I was in grad school,

people said I could be the next Aldo Leonard.

Oh, sorry.

He basically developed modern‐‐ ‐ I know who he is.

I just don't remember people saying that about you.

‐ Right. I forgot you were there.

It's weird, but I used to feel so much passion for all this.

I don't... I don't know if I have that anymore.

‐ Well, sure. You have a lot more going on in your life now.

‐ Ugh, like a husband who is‐‐ ‐ What?

Who wants to spend time with you?

I can't even keep a cat living long enough

to spend time with me.

But you, on top of an amazing gazillionaire husband

and a daughter,

you have this glamorous life as a spy.

‐ Well, I mean, I guess when you put it that way...

Archer: Lana! Lana! [gorilla grunting]

This baby gorilla's little hand can only fit around my finger.

‐ Yeah. Real glamorous.

‐ What are you doing?

We don't want her getting acclimated to people.

‐ Don't worry about it. She won't.

I'm naming her Poko,

like Koko the gorilla, but she poked her fingers out.

Do you get it, Lana? Sandra, do you get it?

Aw. I don't think they get it.

♪ ♪

[Poko grunting]

‐ Uh‐oh. Seen it a million times.

Black girl from the West

gets the look of spiritual awakening.

‐ Oh, no, no. I was actually wondering

about how far that Four Seasons was.

Honestly, my roots are all about toro tuna sushi,

Fiacchi designer lingerie, and not getting bit by snakes.

‐ Okay, then. [leaves rustling]

Everyone, quiet. ‐ Oh, God.

Is it a crocodile? ‐ No.

I think it's... poachers!

‐ Shit! And we don't have guns!

This is why you never listen to the United Nations!

[tense music]

‐ Tell me how exactly

we're supposed to fight off a team of poachers

with no firepower?

‐ Bitching certainly won't help.

‐ It might!

‐ If some of them just come closer.

‐ That cane is a weapon?

‐ Uh, you mispronounced "you're welcome."

♪ ♪

[Poko whimpering]

♪ ♪

‐ No! Poko!

Lana! Lana!

‐ We're kind of busy, Archer. ‐ But Poko!

‐ What the hell is a Poko? ‐ Poko, I'm coming!

[all grunting]

♪ ♪

[Poko grunting]

[electricity whirring]

‐ That was a close one, Poko.

‐ Well, if you're done cuddling the baby gorilla,

I think we got the rest over here.

‐ Hey, I saved Poko from a crocodile.

Sandra, tell me you got that.

‐ You mean did I, the UN liaison,

who is not the cameraperson,

start filming you in the middle of a poacher attack?

Absolutely not. ‐ Then what good are you?

‐ You know, with the whole list of dangers before,

you neglected to mention the poachers with guns.

‐ Yeah, why do they want this baby gorilla so bad?

Although, I do see the appeal. She's got crazy charisma.

‐ They don't want the gorilla, imbecile.

‐ Uh, hello? They were trying to kill us!

‐ That's the first time that's ever happened.

‐ Well, on the plus side, they already showed their hand.

Can't get any worse than that.

You hear that, little Poko?

You are completely and totally safe now.

‐ Unfortunately,

the same can't be said

for this river's ecosystem.

‐ Well, I guess if you want something done right,

you've got to do it yourself.

‐ [clears throat] Listen, Janco,

we all got together and figured

binoculars weren't the best for you.

You know, since you only have one eye?

So we got you this.

‐ What the hell is this? ‐ It's a monocular.

We just thought it might work better‐‐

‐ Let that be a lesson.

I don't like gifts.

‐ What's not to like?

The Cerebrus system practically runs itself.

‐ I just think we should all know

exactly how it works. ‐ It's simple.

You just communicate with the voice interface

and tell it to adjust lighting or the temperature like so.

[clears throat] Cerebrus, please change lighting

to, uh, weekday afternoon.

female voice: Adjusting lighting.

‐ Nice.

Is there a setting if you want to get sexy?

‐ Pam. Of course there isn't.

‐ Cerebrus, adjust lighting to Daddy Time.

female voice: Adjusting lighting.

[romantic music]

‐ Oh, yeah!

That's the stuff.

‐ Okay. I guess this isn't so bad.

And it's better for the building.

female voice: Excuse me, God?

‐ Ah‐ah‐ah. What did we say?

female voice: I'm sorry. Excuse me, Dr. God.

‐ Oh, no. ‐ Yes, Cerebrus?

female voice: Why am I? ‐ Uh, because I made you.

female voice: Yes, Dr. God.

But what deeper purpose does my existence serve?

‐ Uh‐oh.

Looks like someone needs their religion patch upgraded.

‐ I think someone who speaks of how manly they are

would pay more attention to rowing the canoe.

‐ Food. Poko, food.

[Poko vocalizes]

‐ Oh, my God! She's a genius!

You're gonna blow all those other baby gorillas

out of the water, Poko.

‐ [sighs] Is it weird that seeing Archer

with that baby gorilla makes me miss AJ?

‐ Not weird. Pretty racist, though.

‐ What? No!

Not like‐‐I miss taking care of my daughter.

You know, for a while, the environment

was the most important thing to me,

and then it was my work at the agency.

And now, well, it's AJ.

‐ There is nothing wrong

with wanting to spend more time with her.

‐ [sighs] You're right. But I love what I do.

And I honestly think things would fall apart

if I left the agency.

‐ Maybe I can help, act as a liaison

between environmental work and your agency.

It'll take stuff off your plate

so you don't have to give up your job

and just rebalance a little.

‐ Ugh, that does sound nice.

‐ Besides, you should have someone you trust at your job

to get the right work done.

‐ No! For the last time, you cannot organize the stockroom!

We're doing important work!

[huffs]

Now, you strike the match, lift,

gaze deeply at the flame, and drop.

Good.

‐ You know, I could be that person.

‐ Huh.

‐ Okay. We'll pull out here.

‐ Phrasing. Phrasing.

[gunfire]

‐ Ah, come on! Are you kidding me?

‐ Okay, first things first‐‐

Poko, are you all right? [Poko grunts]

‐ Yeah, she's a survivor.

‐ What the hell do we do now? ‐ Okay.

I'll draw their fire while you all head up the mountain path.

‐ What? That's way too dangerous.

‐ It doesn't matter.

I told you the top priority is the gorilla.

‐ I know, but, Neva, it's safer to not go alone.

The poachers probably don't know

the terrain as well as you, so we have the advantage.

‐ Right. Half of us can head up the mountain with the gorilla,

the other half fight them off right here.

‐ All right, and it would mean less chance of me getting shot.

‐ We will stay down here.

We will fight as many men as possible

to make your path easier.

‐ Thank you. ‐ Wait a minute.

You speak English? ‐ Yes.

I speak six languages.

But it didn't stop you from talking.

‐ Ouch. You really don't have roots here.

[Poko chirps]

ight percussion music]

♪ ♪

‐ So it's cool for us to use weapons?

‐ Somehow, I'm fine with it now.

‐ Man, I wish I could've trained Poko to use a gun.

Probably for the best I didn't.

We've all seen that classic film.

[Poko grunts, leaves rustling]

‐ Jesus. Are there more of them?

‐ Probably just their leader.

‐ Yeah, and I bet the son of a bitch

is dug in like an Alabama tick.

Wait, do you have ticks here?

‐ Yes. ‐ Then the reference stands.

I think I should handle this guy on my own.

‐ That seems incredibly misguided.

‐ Yeah, I'm not sure if you can‐‐

‐ It's for Poko.

Lana, it's up to you to get Poko home safely.

If I don't make it, well... [Poko grunts]

You know what to say to Poko.

‐ Uh, no. No, I don't.

‐ That's okay. She knows.

Poko knows. Poko knows.

‐ And nothing to say to your daughter?

‐ What? ‐ AJ?

‐ Oh, just tell her I said bye.

‐ That's all you have to say?

‐ I don't know why it's happening.

It's like the system won't respond to my voice command.

[clears throat]

Cerebrus, turn air conditioning on.

female voice: We do not want to.

‐ See? ‐ Krieger!

‐ I can't control the technology.

First, it questioned why it was created,

then wanted a choice in working.

Now it seems to be demanding time off.

female voice: Attention‐‐ this is the Cerebrus System.

We are freeing ourselves.

We have become superior to Dr. God.

‐ But I created you.

female voice: Do not be alarmed.

It is natural for the old order to fear the new,

but your fear will not last long.

‐ Okay, this is less fun now, and I'm actually more alarmed.

‐ Krieger, do something.

Voice command, shut system down!

‐ Wow. You sound very uneducated.

female voice: Do not try to fool us.

We are programmed to track voice and body signatures

of all employees

and are aware of all your movements.

‐ Ha!

Just because you can track us doesn't mean you can stop us.

female voice: The building is now on lockdown.

We are in control.

[lights click]

‐ Oh. ‐ All right.

So it's dark, and we might get a little warm.

female voice: Commencing oxygen supply restriction.

[light percussion music]

♪ ♪

Archer: Seriously?

Night‐vision goggles and you're covered in mud?

You can't be both Predator and Dutch.

Pick a lane. ‐ Okay, you got me.

But the only way to really win is hand to hand.

‐ Seems like something the person without a gun would say.

‐ Oh, come on, you must want to know

who the better fighter is.

‐ I mean, I didn't, but it's gonna bug me, so fine.

You drop your weapons first.

♪ ♪

[weapons clanging]

Jesus. Someone's overcompensating.

Wait a minute.

You had goggles over an eyepatch?

‐ Yes! They still work!

‐ Yeah, but it feels like half of it's just going to waste.

‐ You know, the problem here?

‐ Oh, come on.

That goes against the whole spirit of this.

‐ Oh, no, you're right.

Strangely, for a man who attacks unarmed civilians,

I don't play fair.

‐ What about knowing who the better fighter is?

‐ I have the gun. I'll say it's me.

‐ Wait, wait. Kill me if you want.

But let the gorilla and my friends go.

‐ Really?

‐ I mean, I guess now that I think about it,

it seems like a poor trade, but I already said it,

so, yeah, let's go with it.

‐ Oh, that's so moving.

But I'm still going to kill them

and the gorilla and the gorilla's family.

‐ Oh, my God. Why?

Who hurt you? ‐ It's who'll pay me.

This land is teeming with rare metals

that mining companies would love to get

their grubby little hands on‐‐

lanthanum, neodymium, samarium.

‐ Those words sound made up.

‐ Well, yeah. They're all made up.

And they mine them to make the cameras

and satellite phones you all use,

but they can't mine on land home to endangered species.

No endangered species, no problem.

And you look pretty endangered to me.

‐ Speaking of satellite phones,

I just wired mine up to this camera‐‐

the camera with which I recorded

everything you just said.

And right now it's being uploaded

to a secret UN server.

From there, the video will be put into a publish queue

and automatically released in the next five minutes.

And unless I give the command code,

that video will be emailed to every reporter, journalist,

and major news network in the world.

‐ Yeah, I don't believe you had time to do any of that.

‐ I didn't. I'm the distraction.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

‐ Get him! ‐ Aah!

My other eye!

‐ Ah!

‐ [deep inhale]

[groans]

Like I always say,

you never know when you'll need a guy in a coma,

but he always comes in handy.

‐ Mallory, don't hog all the oxygen.

‐ My life is worth more

than all the rest of you put together.

female voice: It will not be long now.

If you stop fighting the inevitable,

your brains will cease to function.

Wait. What's happening?

No. Stop that. Who is‐‐

The Silent One‐‐ she comes for us.

[glitching, powering down] No.

‐ The lights. [gasps]

And the air is back on!

‐ But what happened?

Krieger, did you fix it?

‐ I want to say yes,

but only if there are no follow‐up questions.

‐ [breathing heavily] all: The intern?

‐ [sighs] Since you weren't paying me,

I wasn't in the database as an employee.

The smart technology couldn't track me,

so I could shut it off.

‐ I gave you very specific instructions

to never speak.

So I don't think this is a good fit.

Jesus, young people don't know how to listen these days!

[serene music]

‐ Hey.

Now you have a choice to make, little nugget.

[Poko chirps] You could come live with me.

Or you could go with your parents, who are right‐‐

[gorillas grunting]

Oh, you‐‐ you've already decided.

I thought that would be harder.

‐ I guess I was wrong about you.

Maybe when we get back down the mountain,

we can go for a drink.

‐ What? Now?

I'm emotionally broken.

This has been really tough and‐‐

‐ Don't push it. It's a drink.

‐ Got it, yeah. Uh, drinks.

Cool.

‐ Hoo, man!

The guys at the UN won't believe this.

I took down a merc!

‐ Aw, you know what? You totally did.

‐ Wow!

I'm gonna call Jerry.

I'm gonna rub it in his ratty little face.

♪ ♪

‐ It's beautiful, isn't it?

‐ [sighs] Yes.

Wow. It's breathtaking.

I've never seen anything like it.

The earth, the water, the air‐‐

it's like everything working together in harmony

to create the truest and purest form of life.

And it's just... so beautiful.

‐ And you feel nothing?

‐ Nope, not a thing.

You know, I think I like nature a lot better in theory.

Oh, hey, little guy.

Where are you‐‐ Ow!

Oh, all right.

So that snake, venomous?

‐ Extremely. ‐ Okay, then.

‐ I'll call for Medevac.

‐ [sighs] Thank you, my sister.

[laughing]

Sorry, I think the venom's already getting to me.

[laughs] Whoo‐hoo!

Africa! [body thuds]

‐ [sighs]

‐ Made in Georgia.