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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,336 [suspenseful music playing] 2 00:00:07,382 --> 00:00:09,300 [yawning] 3 00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:15,974 So, what are we doing? Are we just... 4 00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:18,101 Do you not see the phone to my ear? 5 00:00:18,184 --> 00:00:19,686 -I do, but... -What? 6 00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:22,147 -I said, I-- -You think this is some sort of joke? 7 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,858 Maybe the one about the interrupting cow? 8 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,401 Shut up. Look, I-- 9 00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,987 Listen, you had just better put Mr. VanderTunt 10 00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:31,197 on the line this instant! 11 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,158 Well, then, go find him. 12 00:00:33,742 --> 00:00:35,660 Oh. Well, then-- 13 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:39,914 Hello? Ass! Apparently that was your brother. 14 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,332 -What? -Cecil? 15 00:00:41,499 --> 00:00:42,709 [angry grunting] 16 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,711 -Seriously. -And let me guess-- 17 00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:46,296 -He-- -Let me guess! 18 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,381 He said he didn't believe that I'd been kidnapped. 19 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:51,050 Yes, he... Has this happened before? 20 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:52,969 No. 21 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,345 -I don't know. -Well, he-- 22 00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,097 -Hey, do you need me for this? -Yes! 23 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,224 Because I've been awake for, like, three days. 24 00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,601 Your point being? 25 00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:01,644 I desperately need sleep? 26 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,480 You can sleep when you're dead. 27 00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:04,814 It may literally come to that. 28 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:10,361 Because Len Trexler is going to be left holding a very empty bag on this. 29 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:13,782 And to make that happen, I need you to drive out to VanderTunt Castle 30 00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:18,661 and convince the old man I'll mail her home in several different boxes. 31 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:22,457 -But not really, though, right? -Well... 32 00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:24,042 -No! -Well... 33 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:27,587 Look, I can't drive way the hell out there without some sleep. 34 00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,005 -I... -I have Dexedrine. 35 00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:31,466 And the universe provides. 36 00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:35,720 Okay, so, once I'm out there, 37 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:38,056 how am I supposed to convince VanderTunt you're serious? 38 00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:39,974 Take him a finger. 39 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,894 But not one of mine, though, right? 40 00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,145 -No! -Well... 41 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:46,231 I'm not taking him anybody's finger. 42 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,399 -I'm just trying to save you a trip. -How-- 43 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:51,653 I mean, you don't want to drive all the way out there just to have him say, 44 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,989 "On second thought, to make this happen, we're going to need a finger." 45 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:56,658 Nobody has ever said, 46 00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:59,285 "To make this happen, we're going to need a finger." 47 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,454 Oh, you'd be surprised. 48 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:06,960 [theme music playing] 49 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:45,165 [Archer] The last thing I wanted to get mixed up in is a kidnapping, 50 00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:47,709 even one as phony as a three-dollar bill. 51 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,712 Because doing a stretch in jail would be the least of my worries. 52 00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:53,131 VanderTunts have enough juice in this town to make sure 53 00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:55,633 I never even see the inside of a cell. 54 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,802 So I am not looking forward to this. 55 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:02,140 Plus I bet that creepy old joint's as haunted as Mrs. Muir's twat. 56 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:03,892 I know, right? 57 00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:07,437 Oh, also, when I said I'd take you to the bus station... 58 00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,939 [grunting] 59 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,319 [Cyril] Typical Archer. 60 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,905 Figures he'd be a goddamn slob. 61 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:19,949 I think maybe somebody tossed the place? 62 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,910 Oh. Yeah. Maybe. 63 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,245 Wonder what they were after. 64 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:27,040 Who knows? Maybe some poor dumb bastard broke in here 65 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,500 to steal back the photos of his cheatin' wife gettin'... 66 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:31,836 Sorry. 67 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,713 -Why-- -I was gonna say "flap-hammered." 68 00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:36,257 Why do you constantly bring that up? 69 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,509 -What, Archer hammering your wife? -Yes! 70 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,178 -In her flaps? -Yes! 71 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,429 [mumbles] 72 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:44,557 Okay. Well, we're not gonna find any clues to lead us 73 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,559 to Charlotte VanderTunt in this dump, so let's-- 74 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,645 Yeah. There's no telling where she is. 75 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:51,189 And if we don't know where she is... 76 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,816 It's... frustrating? 77 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,361 No. Then nobody knows where she is. 78 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:57,570 Uh-huh? 79 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,322 Including her father! 80 00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:00,448 Yep. 81 00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:03,576 Which means we can just tell him we kidnapped her, 82 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,496 collect the ransom ourselves, and then pay off Trexler! 83 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:09,374 Oh. Okay. Yeah. 84 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:12,919 But on some level, it's gotta be pretty frustrating. 85 00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,879 Not as frustrating as you! 86 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:19,133 In the meantime, she was at Dreamland with Archer the other night. 87 00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:22,136 So go snoop around, see if you turn up anything. 88 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:25,139 Besides a cold brewski, am I right? 89 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:28,184 Hello? Yes, VanderTunt Castle, please. 90 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,186 Damn it, I don't care if the number's unlisted! 91 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,272 This is a police emergency! 92 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:33,564 Thank you. 93 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,192 -That worked? -Why are you still here? 94 00:04:36,693 --> 00:04:38,611 Yes, hello. This is... 95 00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:41,531 [clearing throat] Ze kidnapperz. 96 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:43,950 [clearing throat] 97 00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,702 Please hold the wire. 98 00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:48,454 [suspenseful music playing] 99 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:55,545 [Cecil] I apologize for the heat. It's positively tropical in here. 100 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,672 But that's how Father prefers it. 101 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,424 Can he hear us? 102 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:01,634 Oh, yes. He's just being rude. 103 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,220 Father, say hello to Charlotte's kidnapper. 104 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,180 No, I didn't kidnap her. 105 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:07,807 I'm just sort of a go-between. 106 00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,435 A fine distinction, legally speaking. 107 00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:13,354 I know, but, look, I'm just trying to make sure she gets home safely. 108 00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,773 In exchange for one million dollars. 109 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:19,902 According to the person, or persons, who asked me to deliver the message. 110 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:24,490 Whom I'm sure she's boring senseless with her constant raving about incest. 111 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:27,368 -I wouldn't know about that. -Oh, it's when-- 112 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:28,953 I know what it is. 113 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,621 Did you know it's forbidden? 114 00:05:30,705 --> 00:05:32,123 Everybody knows it's forbidden. 115 00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:34,125 Oh, you'd be surpri-- Yes, Pelham? 116 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,335 [mouthing words] 117 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:36,502 Mm-hm. 118 00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:37,920 Mm-hm. 119 00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:39,380 Mm-hm. 120 00:05:39,797 --> 00:05:42,300 Yes, I think a finger should suffice. 121 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:43,926 Oh, is he taking drink orders? 122 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,596 'Cause I could go for a couple of fingers of Old Buncombe. 123 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:47,972 Like, a whole handful. 124 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:50,391 At 7:00 a.m., you care for bourbon. 125 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,602 -Deeply. -Very well. 126 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:56,481 Finish your call, Pelham, and then Mr. Archer needs a drink. 127 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,024 I hate to say "need." 128 00:05:58,107 --> 00:05:59,609 -Well... -Yeah. 129 00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:02,945 Pelham has had the most interesting telephone call. 130 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,448 Tell me, Mr. Archer, does, or do, 131 00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:09,786 your person, or persons, possess an accent vaguely Germanic? 132 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,872 That's pretty confusing, but no. 133 00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:17,835 Most confusing, yes, because such a person is on the telephone just now, 134 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,629 claiming that he is the kidnapper. 135 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:22,965 "He"? I mean, what? That's impossible. 136 00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,967 Yes, even Charlotte isn't stupid enough 137 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:28,304 to get herself kidnapped by two different kidnappers at once. 138 00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:31,516 -Well... -Which means one of you is lying. 139 00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:35,603 So I'm afraid I shall have to ask for proof you actually have Charlotte. 140 00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:38,523 What kind of... Wait. Oh, no. 141 00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:42,151 Yes. I'm afraid I require... a finger. 142 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,820 I could bring you her. 143 00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,905 Just drive by the house. She can wave to you. 144 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:49,367 Uh... 145 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:50,368 -No. -I... 146 00:06:50,451 --> 00:06:54,330 That's... Then how about a photo of her holding today's newspaper? 147 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:55,790 Uh... 148 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,167 -Well, now, that could work. -Yeah, it's... 149 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,796 Just make sure that she's holding the newspaper with nine fingers. 150 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,174 -Goddamn it. -Well, actually seven. 151 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,468 -What? -You know, not counting her thumbs. 152 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,971 And then, obviously, bring me her severed finger 153 00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,473 and the photograph so that I may compare the two. 154 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:15,476 [sighs] Yeah. Obviously. 155 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,980 Father, say goodbye to Charlotte's ostensible kidnapper! 156 00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:21,482 So I guess that's a no on the bourbon? 157 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,360 Yes. Goodbye. 158 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,403 Ah! 159 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:27,905 Where the hell am I supposed to find a finger? 160 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,950 [Dutch] Hello? Hello? 161 00:07:31,033 --> 00:07:33,828 Hey, listen to me. Whoever you are, 162 00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:38,124 and whatever this whole thing is, I don't want it. 163 00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:39,709 Well, I'm very sorry to hear that. 164 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:42,587 -Well, too bad, because-- -Because you're getting it, 165 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:45,840 whether you want it or not. 166 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,513 So, let's get to it, shall we? 167 00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,390 No. Look, listen. 168 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,017 I didn't know, okay? 169 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:59,937 I thought this was gonna be, like, some pull-on fake feet, man, not-- 170 00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:05,443 Oh, sweet Jesus Lord God Christ, not some freaky metal robot legs! 171 00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:06,444 [cat purring] 172 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,529 That'll do, Schnuckiputzi. 173 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,365 And also, it's not just the legs. 174 00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:14,952 No, you crazy Kraut bastard, I don't want any part of those parts! 175 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,205 But your employer, Mr. Trexler, does. 176 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,331 It's not his body! 177 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:20,041 Look, I'm just following orders. 178 00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:22,793 What? That's what the Nazis said! 179 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:25,213 Okay, yeah, tell me about Nazis. 180 00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:28,132 [groaning] 181 00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,510 What is taking so long? 182 00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,471 Berlin Autumn 1943 183 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:37,016 Well, it's difficult to say, General. 184 00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:38,809 We're in... completely uncharted territory. 185 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:41,229 Soon the Allies will invade Fortress Europe, 186 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,606 and the Fuhrer wants his army of Robot Supermen ready... 187 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,816 To smash them back into the English Channel! 188 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,027 Yes, sir, of course, but... 189 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:51,656 But what? You have been working three years on the project! 190 00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:53,533 What do you have, here, today, to show us? 191 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,243 Ummmm... 192 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:59,247 Yesterday she caught a mouse. 193 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,873 [meowing] 194 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,416 I said, that will do! 195 00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:07,171 [funky music playing] 196 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:10,758 Mmm... Mmm... 197 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,218 What a load of shit. 198 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:14,053 I should be looking for my partner's killer, 199 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:16,389 but instead I'm looking for a damn finger. 200 00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:17,848 [tires screeching] 201 00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:18,849 [burping] 202 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:22,311 [burping] 203 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:32,989 [woman grunting] 204 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:39,579 [humming] 205 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,414 [sawing] 206 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,378 [humming] 207 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,883 He gave his legs for the Fatherland. 208 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:54,427 [siren blaring] 209 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:55,511 [sighing] 210 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,680 No, he gave them to a land mine. 211 00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,724 But you will give him new ones. 212 00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:01,726 And if he doesn't die of systemic shock-- 213 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:03,269 Like all the others before him... 214 00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:06,063 He will once again fight for Germany! 215 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,189 [sighing] 216 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,608 Hooray. 217 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:10,318 [Mother] Well, 218 00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:13,821 -I hate to say I told you so. -Do you? 219 00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:16,866 No. It's one of the few great pleasures in life. 220 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:20,119 -Hang on. Do you live in here? -No, you ass! 221 00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:23,289 I live in the ten-room penthouse apartment upstairs. 222 00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:26,584 Oh. You don't happen to have a bunch of surplus fingers up there, do ya? 223 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,461 -What do you think? -Honestly? 224 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:30,504 Hardy-har-har. 225 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,840 If you need a finger, just take one. 226 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,259 But-- No, I'm not cutting off her... 227 00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:36,510 [snoring] 228 00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:39,138 Man, that septum is deviated, huh? 229 00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:40,765 That's not her. 230 00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:41,724 [snoring] 231 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:42,892 Poovey? 232 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,853 Mm hm. Tried to break into the club first thing this morning. 233 00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:49,190 I assume looking for Drooling Beauty over there. 234 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:52,193 Yeah, you really threw a monkey wrench into Figgis' plan. 235 00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:54,528 -His plan? -Yeah, to ransom her off. 236 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,864 -Why? -Wh-- To pay back Trexler. 237 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:57,948 -For what? -What are you-- 238 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,534 For the sex slaves Trexler was gonna-- 239 00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,078 Oh, I get it! 240 00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,455 -Do you? -You're saying this is all my fault. 241 00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:07,375 -Isn't it? -I-- Look, this whole fiasco started 242 00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,335 because I came to you for help! 243 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:11,504 Exactly. Whose fault is that? 244 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,589 Son of a... That is so... 245 00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:15,883 So now I gotta go find a goddamn finger? 246 00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:19,678 And if I were you, I'd take one of her rings to put on it. 247 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:21,555 They say the devil's in the details. 248 00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,224 -And silk pajamas. -What? 249 00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:24,975 -Get up, you lummox! -Huh? 250 00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,603 Wuzza... What the... Archer? 251 00:11:27,686 --> 00:11:29,230 Get up, dummy. We gotta go. 252 00:11:29,313 --> 00:11:32,274 You better pray to God it wasn't you who hit me, 253 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,443 because whoever it was... 254 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,696 Hits like a weak little bitch of a girl, 255 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,783 who was born with some kind of little bitch of a birth defect, 256 00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:46,122 so that instead of a fist, she just has this tiny little bitch of a... 257 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,415 nubbin. 258 00:11:48,582 --> 00:11:52,503 And I guess I'll drive, since you clearly have a concussion. 259 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:54,505 Yeah, not feeling great. 260 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:00,845 [gulping] 261 00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,763 You know you're killing me, right? 262 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:06,434 Sorry, are you talking to me, or just meat-stuffed intestines in general? 263 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,436 Figgis is counting on that ransom money. 264 00:12:08,519 --> 00:12:11,021 -I can't double-cross him again. -Why not? 265 00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:14,150 Because if he finds out, somebody's gonna find me in a hole in the desert. 266 00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,317 [chuckling] 267 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,445 -No, they're not. -Exactly! 268 00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:20,614 Look, it's your own fault for doing right by all those Chinese broads. 269 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,742 -Talk about no good deed. -It was a good deed. 270 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,245 And now I need you to help me do another good deed. 271 00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:29,874 Defraud an old man out of a million dollars using a severed human finger. 272 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,667 And reunite a family. 273 00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,669 Of daughter and sister-bangers. 274 00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:35,754 Alleged daughter and sister-bangers. 275 00:12:38,215 --> 00:12:41,051 Well, let's go to the morgue. 276 00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,720 That's the spirit. 277 00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:45,764 [burping] 278 00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,349 Excuse me? 279 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,311 I said, I'm looking for a corpse. 280 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:54,940 White, female, mid-30s, fresh, within, say, the last 12 hours. 281 00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:57,067 Jesus Christ, every full moon. 282 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,195 Beat it, ya sicko, before I call the cops. 283 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:02,490 I am the cops, asshole! I'm working a missing persons! 284 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:04,617 Well, maybe lead with that, huh? 285 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,368 Just buzz me in, ya hump. 286 00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,786 [buzzing] 287 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:10,456 [burping] 288 00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:11,707 Jesus Christ. 289 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,460 -What is it, National Hot Dog Day? -No. 290 00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:16,378 -There isn't one. -Yet! 291 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:19,465 -Can you... -Oh, right. LAPD. We're looking for a-- 292 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:22,843 Missing persons, yeah. White female, 30s, brand-newly deceased. 293 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,720 Your jerk-off partner's already back there. 294 00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:25,846 Our what? 295 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,599 Eyeglasses, dark hair, gray at the temples, 296 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,435 mouth like somebody used a tomato capper to scoop out a pig's asshole 297 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,103 and glued it under his nose? 298 00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,730 Aw, shit! 299 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:35,940 [buzzing] 300 00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,151 Are you nuts? 301 00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,904 -Do you wanna get caught? -We're not gonna get caught. 302 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:44,657 Now shut up, put these on, and follow my lead. 303 00:13:45,324 --> 00:13:47,701 [Poovey] Aw, jeez. He's really doing it. 304 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:48,786 [sighing] 305 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,079 Sorry, lady. 306 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,831 But if you think about it, which I guess you can't, 307 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,876 this whole thing is Archer's fault, so... 308 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,046 Will you get in position? 309 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:00,714 Okay! Jesus! 310 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,425 Okay. Jesus. 311 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,719 On one, two... 312 00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:10,182 [whining] 313 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,517 -[Archer] Great Scott! -Wha-- 314 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,602 Don't you move, you sick bugger! 315 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,105 No-- This isn't-- I can explain. 316 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,774 You're damn right you will-- to the bobbies! 317 00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:20,860 By which I mean the police! 318 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,111 I am the police. 319 00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,280 [Archer] Well? 320 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:25,739 Well, wha-- 321 00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:28,659 Holy shit! I can't believe I did that! 322 00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:30,995 I can't believe it took you so damn long. 323 00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:32,788 What, are you hourly? 324 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,081 -[Poovey] No. -Wh-- 325 00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:36,208 Where the hell did you get that? 326 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:38,002 It was just sitting there. 327 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:40,629 That could've been inside somebody. 328 00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:45,134 [munching] 329 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,635 Well, it is now. 330 00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:48,220 [burping] 331 00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,809 [Archer] Anything. Whatever. A little box. 332 00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,561 [Poovey] Aren't we supposed to put it in milk? 333 00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:57,688 But-- That's for a tooth, dummy, 334 00:14:57,771 --> 00:15:00,274 if you're gonna put it back in somebody. 335 00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,484 Yeah, that makes more sense. 336 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,236 Now, what are we gonna do about him? 337 00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:06,530 I actually have some thoughts on that. 338 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,575 He'll freeze to death in there! 339 00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:12,036 No, he won't. I'll call them in, like, half an hour. 340 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,954 -Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait. -What? 341 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:15,915 [laughing] 342 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:16,999 Strip him. 343 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,837 Really wish we hadn't have done that. 344 00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:23,923 I can never unsee him naked. 345 00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:26,717 I mean, the size of that thing. 346 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,387 Hollow that big bastard out, you could use it for an umbrella stand. 347 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,057 [munching] 348 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:35,225 -Goddamn it! -What? 349 00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:38,145 [Cecil] Oh, I suppose I'm just surprised. 350 00:15:38,228 --> 00:15:39,813 Why? You said you wanted her finger, 351 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:42,107 so, you know, here's her finger. 352 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:44,860 -It's really in there? -See for yourself. 353 00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:47,780 Um... 354 00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:49,448 -No. -I'm sorry? 355 00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:50,783 -I trust you. -What? 356 00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:51,700 Unless... 357 00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:56,622 Father, do you wanna see Charlotte's ostensible severed finger? 358 00:15:56,705 --> 00:15:57,957 No. We're good. 359 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,750 Are you-- This could be anything! 360 00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,543 It could be a piece of a hot dog! 361 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,212 -Ew! -Don't you start! 362 00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:05,714 You say it's her finger, I take you at your word. 363 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:08,759 And I assume you'll be in touch shortly with complicated instructions 364 00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:11,553 for the exchange of the ransom money for my horrible sister? 365 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,347 I mean... 366 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,141 Good. Then it's all settled. 367 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,810 Yeah. I guess. 368 00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:21,522 I'll expect the ransom within 24 hours, so you'll see to that. 369 00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:24,441 But-- And then you're gonna help me find my partner's killer, right? 370 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:27,069 All in good time, Mr. Archer. 371 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,779 Right. 372 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,030 [yawning] 373 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,282 Is it just me... 374 00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,827 Or does it smell like finger? 375 00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,789 Almost there. 376 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,333 So close. 377 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,837 [suspenseful music playing] 378 00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:46,672 It sounds so close... 379 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,757 And also to the east, which means-- 380 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,427 The Russians. So all is lost. 381 00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:57,016 You should leave now, and go west. You will be safe with the Americans. 382 00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:00,269 I would never leave you. 383 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,228 What? 384 00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:05,441 I love you! Don't you know that? 385 00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:08,193 And I love you too, but... 386 00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:11,780 Doctor? I'm sorry. He's gone. 387 00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:13,782 The damn systemic shock! 388 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,577 The only problem we could never solve! 389 00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,037 [sighs] 390 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:23,625 Well, at least he won't have to see the Russian Army march into Berlin. 391 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,420 Nor will you, Doctor... 392 00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:29,840 General, what a surprise. 393 00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:32,968 [laughing] Yes, it has been a day for surprises. 394 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,595 But no surprise there, I assume? 395 00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:40,142 No, we lost him to systemic shock. I could never find a solution. 396 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:43,353 Now that... that is a surprise. 397 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,982 Especially for a brilliant scientist like... 398 00:17:47,608 --> 00:17:48,817 Aaron Leibowitz! 399 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,277 [gasping] 400 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:54,114 Yes, by all accounts young Leibowitz was brilliant indeed. 401 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:56,784 Adored by his students at Hamburg Polytechnic, 402 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:59,036 admired by his colleagues, but then... 403 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,831 In 1933 he was forced to resign his position. 404 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,958 Because he was a Jew. 405 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:08,545 And then, according to our records, young Leibowitz died of tuberculosis. 406 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:14,885 Only to be reborn as Doctor Krieger. False papers for my birth, education, 407 00:18:14,968 --> 00:18:20,474 then it was easy enough to secure a position in the robotics program. 408 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:24,228 And then to convince the Fuhrer to finance this foolishness! 409 00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:25,771 Robot super-soldiers! 410 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:29,525 My God, you fool, you barely even made a robot cat! 411 00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:30,442 Meow? 412 00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:34,738 I did create super-soldiers! And they would have been unstoppable! 413 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,032 But they all died of systemic shock... 414 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,160 No, they all died from carbolic acid injections. 415 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:41,120 What? 416 00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:44,456 My God, the wasted lives! 417 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:50,379 Lives? The wasted money? My God, you must have wasted millions! 418 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:56,343 Yes! And every penny wasted was a penny not spent on rifles! 419 00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:58,095 On bullets! On bombs! 420 00:18:58,178 --> 00:19:01,807 On coal to send the freezing cattle cars to the east! 421 00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,268 Yes, yes, cue the violins... 422 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,729 Do you have anything else to add? 423 00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:12,151 Only that I didn't just make cats. 424 00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,360 What? 425 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,487 [suspenseful music playing] 426 00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:16,738 [snarling] 427 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,908 [all] My God! God in heaven! Help me! Devil-dogs! 428 00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,994 Yeah, right? 429 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,078 Action! 430 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,706 [screaming] 431 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,963 [dogs snarling] 432 00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:37,718 [meowing] 433 00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,347 Holy shit... 434 00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,766 [whimpering] 435 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:48,187 I'm sorry you had to see that... 436 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,104 [artillery fire] 437 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:53,066 But we should go. The Russians will be here soon. 438 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:57,279 Ha! I would prefer the Russians to a filthy Jew like you! 439 00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:58,447 [artillery burst closer] 440 00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,573 Seriously? 441 00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,827 Well then, um... 442 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:05,495 Action? 443 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:07,831 [women screaming] [dogs snarling] 444 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,627 Here, kitty! 445 00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:13,754 [cat meowing and purring] 446 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:17,841 Yeah, you're just a widdle whore for the cuddles, huh? 447 00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,843 Okay, I gotta get some sleep. 448 00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,638 You be a good girl. Who's a good girl? 449 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:25,390 Yeah, you're a good girl. 450 00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:28,101 [suspenseful music playing] 451 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,481 [whirring] 452 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:34,775 [chuckling] 453 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,695 [laughing] 454 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:53,710 [theme music playing] 33065

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