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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:08,841 - Archer, do something. - Sure thing, Lana. 2 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:13,137 Oh, wait, I can't, because I left my lightsaber in my other space pants! 3 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:15,598 Don't yell at me, this was your idea! What? 4 00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,476 Remind me, when was it that I said, "Guys, great idea. 5 00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:21,604 Let's get shanghaied to go live on fricking Mars!" 6 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:24,607 Keep moving. Make me... Ow! 7 00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,651 Heh, heh. He said "meow." 8 00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:30,697 Moving. Yes, and how can I help you not ever do that again, please? 9 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,449 Get in there. In here sounds great. 10 00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,786 Are the cuffs really necessary? 11 00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,746 Archer broke both of Wu's arms. 12 00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:41,457 He what? While shouting "whoo!" 13 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:42,959 Happy coincidence. 14 00:00:43,127 --> 00:00:47,171 Mr. Archer, do I have to sedate you? Well, I wouldn't say no to a drink. 15 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,965 Archer. What, you want one? 16 00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,633 Okay, can we get two, um... 17 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:53,428 My tongue says sangrita, but my heart says... 18 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:54,846 Archer. ...michelada. 19 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,473 You realize this is kidnapping. I do, yes. 20 00:00:57,641 --> 00:01:00,768 And do you realize you're insane? He wouldn't, by definition... 21 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:05,773 What's more insane? Suffering through famine, war, disease on a dying Earth... 22 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,609 ...or creating a utopia on Mars? 23 00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,320 Using me as your brood sow? 24 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,990 No, not... Well, okay, yes, technically. 25 00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:18,161 But we searched for so long to find the perfect human female specimen. 26 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:20,455 Well, that's flattering-ish. 27 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:24,000 And with your morphology, your IQ, your medical history... 28 00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:26,085 How'd you get my medical records? 29 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:29,046 Don't judge me on the how, until you see the why. 30 00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:33,551 Oh, Krieger-san! I never judge you! 31 00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,845 Well, your mother sure as hell does! 32 00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:38,681 How isn't important. What is important... 33 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:43,144 Is you hired ISIS just so Lana could pump out a bunch of Martian babies? 34 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:48,608 Only if by "Martian" you mean "born on Mars," not actual alien life forms. 35 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,276 Oh. Whatever. Either way. 36 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,029 My point is this whole thing is Lana's fault... What? 37 00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:56,532 ...and you don't need more dudes on Mars... Archer! 38 00:01:56,700 --> 00:02:00,703 Lana, the penis-to-your-vagina ratio around here is creepy enough already... 39 00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:02,538 ...so why not let us three go... 40 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,166 I'm afraid that's impossible. Or just me. 41 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:08,127 Because even if we didn't need all the manpower we can get... 42 00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,421 ...there's no ship to take you back to Earth. 43 00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,048 Yeah, no, the shuttle, it's... 44 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:15,051 It's going to push the Horizon into orbit above Mars... 45 00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:18,387 ...to serve as our base while we begin the terraforming. 46 00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:19,680 Which reminds me. 47 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:23,476 Commander Kellogg, there are three women on the Intrepid. 48 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:27,146 Take a boarding party and bring them back here to join their friends. 49 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,898 Holy shit-space! 50 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,942 Hey, guys, we got a problem! 51 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:34,612 Duh. The party's starting, and this dress makes me look like a whore! 52 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,781 Oh, you don't look like a whore. 53 00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:38,491 An idiot, maybe. Wha...? 54 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,742 Or both. 55 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,662 Yes, a "whordiot." 56 00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,494 Agent Kane, I... 57 00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,204 May I call you Lana? 58 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,873 You absolutely may not. 59 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,458 Fair enough, but I wish you'd reconsider. 60 00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,919 You'd be much more comfortable in my quarters. 61 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,588 Ha! You'll have to sedate me. 62 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,214 No, no, no, we wouldn't do that. 63 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:39,135 We need you in peak physical condition for this great undertaking of ours. 64 00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:40,344 All of you. 65 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,139 So wait, are we not doing drinks? 66 00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:47,643 Ha! I'm not helping you terraform Mars. I won't move one cup of dirt. 67 00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,145 Can we at least have beers? 68 00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:50,980 Then you can join the, um... 69 00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:54,066 Well, we're calling them "involuntary laborers." 70 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,943 Invol... Wait, you mean slaves? 71 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,486 Oh, now he's indignant. 72 00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:00,656 Please, all you have to do is sit around all day getting laid. 73 00:04:00,824 --> 00:04:03,326 Involuntary labor is just a temporary measure. 74 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:06,662 In a few generations, after the colony is established... 75 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:09,081 ...we'll revisit the issue. In the meantime... 76 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,917 You can kiss three-fifths of my ass. 77 00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:13,252 Uh, Tony, we've got a problem. 78 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,087 Ugh. What now? 79 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,672 I'm on my way. 80 00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,008 And the black guy is okay with this? 81 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:23,054 Ugh. What? Oh, for... How was that racist? 82 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:26,098 It's just a temporary measure. I didn't say anything. 83 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,101 Hello, uh, miss? This is Commander Kellogg. 84 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,229 I need you to move the locking lever from "manual" to "auto." 85 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,857 "Auto." Got it. Moving the lever. 86 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,027 Uh, clunk. Did that do it? 87 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,695 Did you move the...? 88 00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,197 Boring conversation anyway. 89 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:42,740 What the hell are you doing? 90 00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:46,535 These nutsacks wanna take us to Mars to be baby factories. 91 00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:47,787 Really? 92 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:51,040 I can't go live on Mars. I just rented a summer house. 93 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,959 Really? 94 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,293 No. 95 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:58,214 Oh, whatever. Come on, we gotta figure a way out of this. 96 00:04:58,382 --> 00:04:59,757 Or do we? 97 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:00,967 - Yes. - No! 98 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,719 Why is nobody else wearing a T-shirt under their suit? 99 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:06,305 Because this thing feels amazing. 100 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:09,767 I know, right? It's like a vagina with a zipper. 101 00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:12,395 Ew. Lana, trust me, this is the only way. 102 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:14,981 Ugh. All right. But turn around. 103 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,275 "Turn around"? It's not like we haven't all seen them before. 104 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,111 Don't remind me. 105 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:21,904 Okay, there. 106 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,490 Although, I guess it has been a long time. 107 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,741 Meaning? 108 00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:30,162 Nothing, just bet you're glad we're in reduced gravity. 109 00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,416 Well, I didn't invent the ravages of time. 110 00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,167 Okay, Ray, Cyril, get ready. 111 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,170 Lana, uh, pretend it's five years ago. 112 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,757 I wish it was, so I could murder you before we ever dated. 113 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,136 Uh, excuse me, could I borrow you? 114 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,471 No, you cannot borrow... Oh, my God! 115 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,056 Yeah, right? 116 00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:50,891 Okay, what seems to be the...? 117 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,269 Aah! My eye! 118 00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:55,688 Somebody get his goddamn gun! 119 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,274 - Oh, for the love of...! - Ow! You dick! 120 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:00,776 Ow! My other eye! 121 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,445 I'm almost certainly blind. 122 00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,780 Serves you right. Anybody else hit? 123 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,615 No, I'm good. Yeah, uh, me too. 124 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,325 That's because you hid, Cyril. 125 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:10,828 Otherwise, I think that all went pretty great. 126 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,121 - Right? - Really? 127 00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,290 Heh, heh. Do you not? 128 00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:16,042 "Do you not?" Just give me the damn... 129 00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,545 T-shirt. Sorry, it's been commandeered. 130 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:24,717 What the hell am I supposed to wear? Uh... Oh, maybe this will work. 131 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:28,220 Yeah, I think that totally works. Stole them from the gift shop. 132 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,973 If you're done being an asshole, help me strip this guy so I can... 133 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:35,269 - What the...? - Security breach, Pod 6. 134 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:36,979 We gotta move! Come on! 135 00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:38,814 Lana, let's go! 136 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,983 Wait! Let me just get... Damn it! 137 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,363 Ow. 138 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,825 Well, now they're droopier. 139 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,660 Aw. 140 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,624 Security breach, Pod 6. 141 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,501 No, no, no, now what? 142 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,170 Security breach, Pod 6. I heard you. 143 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:05,299 I don't care if you have to use the plasma torch, get this door open. 144 00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,344 Security team, this is Commander Drake. Converge on Pod 6. 145 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,638 You heard him, get this door open. 146 00:07:10,806 --> 00:07:12,473 Sure thing, boss man. 147 00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,934 Oh, my God, for the last time... 148 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:16,685 We can't... 149 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,062 ...fight them off. 150 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:22,399 That's what Dad said when the bank man came out to foreclose on the farm. 151 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:24,193 And guess how that turned out. 152 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,028 You murdered a banker? 153 00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,822 No, we got a loan modification. 154 00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:32,159 You think a bank wants to own a failing dairy farm with obsolete milkers? 155 00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,161 Oh, my God, speaking of... 156 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:37,164 They're right where they've always been. 157 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,375 Wait, can she hear us? Man, I hope not. 158 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:42,044 Lana. Guess not. 159 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,380 Will you come on? Grr! 160 00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:46,257 Don't get me wrong. I'd still do her. 161 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:48,092 Oh, please, you'd do... 162 00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:49,468 Name a noun. 163 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,220 No, you look. 164 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,848 You look at these and tell me they're not perfect! 165 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,224 Now? Really? 166 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:58,060 Jesus God, are you that insecure? 167 00:07:58,228 --> 00:08:01,355 No! I'm not! Because I am... Ready! 168 00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,566 Oh, man. Uh, thoughts? 169 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:07,236 Through there! Go! Uh, nope. 170 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:08,696 Aim! 171 00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:11,365 Why not? It's full of, ugh, garbage and shit. 172 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:13,200 You got a better idea? 173 00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:16,245 Well, we could eat a big bowl of hepatitises A through E. 174 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,580 Or just run away. 175 00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,749 Just because it was my idea, you... Guys. 176 00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,334 Fire! 177 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,586 Oh, shit. 178 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,715 What's taking so long? 179 00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:28,924 Couple things. 180 00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:31,594 One, I didn't invent whatever this door is made of... 181 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:34,680 ...which is apparently some alloy of adamantium and mithril. 182 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,849 And two, not really liking your tone. 183 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,767 Ugh, you idiots. 184 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:42,605 Firing an ion cannon at the future Mother of Mars? 185 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:45,357 Whose idea was that? Ahem. Dave's. 186 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:49,111 Oh. Well, that's just great, Dave. 187 00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:54,533 Tell me, if you kill her, who's gonna bear our Martian children? Huh? Trish? 188 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:56,285 Ew. Ew. 189 00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:59,121 Archer! Sorry, go on, Trish. 190 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:04,126 We've been locked in here ever since you idiots took over Horizon. 191 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,961 Tone. Yeah, sorry. 192 00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:09,715 But Drake wants to use the Intrepid to push Horizon to Mars... 193 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,634 ...so tell us how we can stop him. 194 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:15,596 Yeah, can Cyril die after shutting down the tractor beam, or? 195 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,933 Ugh! The Intrepid is the key to Drake's plan... 196 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,978 ...and he and Kellogg are the only ones who can fly it. 197 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,814 So why aren't you A-holes down there? 198 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,816 Heh, heh. Burn. Cyril. 199 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,652 Although, good point, Trish. 200 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:32,571 Okay, to the Intrepid. Let's go. 201 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:39,870 Oh, and, Trish? Uh, with your looks, maybe bitchy is not the way to go. 202 00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:43,499 Okay, you're the prettiest! Come on! 203 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:46,669 I thought I'd made myself very clear. You did, but... 204 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:50,297 Then why isn't the airlock open? 205 00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,341 Dwarven technology. 206 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,843 What was that? What did you say? Tony, stop. 207 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:59,515 See? Now we just wait for Mr. Archer to save the day, like he always does. 208 00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,392 I don't know about always but... 209 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,143 Are you sure they can't get in? 210 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,561 Didn't you hear him? He said... 211 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:09,149 Say "dwarven technology" again! What the...? 212 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:12,569 Stop this at once. We command you. 213 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:13,821 I'm sorry? Unh. 214 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:17,032 Wait, we're sorry. Aren't you guys looking for a new Martian queen? 215 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,284 Goddamn it. 216 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,370 Why, yes, and you're...? Your Majesty. 217 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,038 Your Majesty. 218 00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,374 And you're just so... 219 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,126 What's the word I'm looking for? 220 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:30,296 Don't say "whordiot." We hate that. 221 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,964 Majestic. Right. 222 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:36,010 Now follow me. We got a big list of must-haves for the royal palace. 223 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:39,096 - Uh, your wish is my command. - Duh. 224 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:42,433 Seal the door behind me and prepare Horizon for launch. 225 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,019 Next stop, Mars. 226 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:48,022 Okay, you heard him. Uh, I heard him tell you to do it. 227 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,732 And I'm telling you to do it. 228 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:53,319 And I'm telling you that I didn't sign up for Animal Farm in space. 229 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,154 Wait, there are animals? 230 00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,156 No, Animal Farm. 231 00:10:57,324 --> 00:11:00,576 How do you not get that? Cyril, I know what an animal farm is. 232 00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:01,994 Not an animal farm. 233 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:05,497 Maybe we can, I don't know, stampede a flock of goats down the hall. 234 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,207 Animal Farm is a book. 235 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,917 No, it isn't, Lana. 236 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:13,255 It's an allegorical novella about Stalinism by George Orwell! 237 00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,507 And spoiler alert, it sucks! 238 00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:20,637 Although I was talking about an actual animal farm. 239 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:22,765 So never mind. 240 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,060 Oh, don't mind me, ma'ams. 241 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,562 Just adjusting the climate control. 242 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,023 Ooh, yes. Another palace must-have. 243 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,068 Now, we heard some mention of babies? 244 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:38,072 Uh-huh. But just to be clear, we don't do babies. 245 00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,698 "Do" as in? 246 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,784 "Do" as in tolerate, be around, touch... 247 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:45,120 ...and as in let them claw their monster-y way out of our vagina. 248 00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:46,997 Well, let's put a pin in that. 249 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,415 Ew! 250 00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:49,958 Wait, put a pin in what? 251 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,795 What? What is wrong with you? And where are the other two...? 252 00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,547 Right here, space-nuts. 253 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,966 Pamela, stop. Your queen commands you. 254 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,636 Oh, please, you're not fit to be queen of... 255 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,554 Name a place. Lidsville. 256 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:08,268 And, Drake, you can forget all about your crazy little Martian sex cult. 257 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:09,770 Ugh. It's not... 258 00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,772 Don't you people get it? 259 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,440 Earth is doomed. 260 00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:18,487 Mankind's only hope for survival is to find a new home on Mars... 261 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:21,698 ...and I am the only man alive who can lead us there. 262 00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,492 I am like, uh... 263 00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,577 Jesus Christ. 264 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,330 Well, I think a more apt analogy would be Moses, but... 265 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,332 Drop your weapon. Make me. 266 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,376 No, don't make her. Come on, Pam. 267 00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,627 Pam, shoot! 268 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:34,837 Mother! Malory! 269 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,922 - Pam! - And she'll do it too. 270 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,759 She'll do anything to keep us from the throne which is our birthright. 271 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,344 Ew, birth. 272 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,683 All right! No, no, no. What are you doing? 273 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:53,230 No, no! No, even if they kill me, they can never kill our dream. 274 00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:55,607 Mars! 275 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,651 Uh, hang on, sorry, one sec. 276 00:12:57,819 --> 00:13:00,654 Drones? You wanna? Thank you, thank you. 277 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,949 Thanks a lot. Thank you. 278 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:07,703 There is no Mars without you, Tony. I'm sorry. 279 00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,706 Sorry? You're sorry? 280 00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:14,710 You just single-handedly doomed mankind! 281 00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:18,839 Even so, black astronaut, that's pretty huge. It actually is. 282 00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:21,717 And at least your own mother didn't just play chicken with your life! 283 00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:24,553 Heh, heh. Self-burn. Cyril! 284 00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:29,850 Drake, you're gonna fly us back to Earth to stand trial for, whatever, space piracy. 285 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,102 No man can judge me. 286 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:33,520 Well, you say that, but... 287 00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,981 Mars forever! 288 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,318 Suppressing fire! 289 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,236 Cyril, stop! 290 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,159 I think I got them. Did I get them? 291 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,787 You did. You got those two guys, who were just minding their own business. 292 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:55,501 Ooh. And also the one remaining person who could fly us back to Earth! 293 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:58,670 A black astronaut, Cyril. That's like killing a unicorn. 294 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,256 Aw, crap-snacks! How could this get...? 295 00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:04,259 Don't say it! Do not say it! 296 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,262 Gone to outer space 297 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:11,683 To shoot that dickbag in his face 298 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,520 Hang on, Other Barry. 299 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:15,812 Uh, this is Barry. 300 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,815 Hey, pumpkin pie! What's that? 301 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:22,694 No. No, I'm in, uh, London for wor... 302 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,946 What? 303 00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:27,491 Heh, Katya, pumpkin, I promised I'd stop trying to kill Archer. 304 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:31,787 Yes. Yes, both Barrys promised. 305 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:36,625 What? Wait, what's wrong with the sofa we already have? 306 00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,002 Oh, hey, hon, you're breaking up. 307 00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:46,260 Any worse. Is what I was gonna say. 308 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,803 Really? 309 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:49,680 Yes. 310 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:58,855 Oh, my God, are you kidding me? 311 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,441 Hello, is this airboats? 312 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,236 Yeah, hi, it's me, Spacebot. 313 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:09,116 What? Oh, just lifting a thousand pounds like it's an apple, no big deal. 314 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:13,620 Archer! Quit screwing around with the robot and shut the damn airlock already! 315 00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:15,664 Five more minutes! God. 316 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,625 What's the hurry? We're all gonna die up here anyway. 317 00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:22,129 We're gonna die! 318 00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:24,756 We're not gonna die! Stop crying! 319 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:28,010 For what it's worth, I think you would've made a great Martian queen. 320 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,636 Duh! 321 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:30,846 Okay. 322 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,724 Yeah. So, Trish? What? 323 00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,017 Still with the tone. 324 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,311 Okay, the airlock's closed. Happy? 325 00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:40,522 So, seriously, none of you know how to fly this thing? 326 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:44,776 No. We're scientists. We never even trained on the simulator. 327 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:48,196 The simulator. Guys, I can fly us home. 328 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,698 I will fly us home. 329 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:50,866 Wait, what is this? 330 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:53,285 And that? 331 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:54,703 But right now this? 332 00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:58,123 He was really good in the simulator. Right up until he crashed it. 333 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:01,668 Thanks to you and your fire extinguisher. Right? 334 00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:02,961 Okay, then it's settled. 335 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:06,214 So, Trish, Horizon is self-sustaining, right? 336 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,258 Duh. Well, then, have fun. 337 00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:09,885 Wait, wait, wait! 338 00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:13,805 Uh... Never mind. I'm sure someone is gonna feed the farm animals. 339 00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:19,895 Cyril, you're in command, try not to kill us. Everybody else, strap in. 340 00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:21,188 Really? 341 00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:22,773 I said in, not on. 342 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,650 Oh. And ew. 343 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:25,901 And... Malory! 344 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:31,406 I'm going into stasis. Wake me up when we're on the ground. 345 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,535 Preferably above 72nd Street. 346 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,330 What is that? Who's got beer? 347 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,415 Archer! 348 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,251 Come out to play. 349 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:44,503 Barry? 350 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,589 Come on out, Archer. I mean, I'd come in, but... 351 00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:50,425 Yeah. Who built this door, space dwarves? 352 00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:53,929 Okay, Barry. Forgetting for the moment how you found me here... 353 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,430 Krieger-san! 354 00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,725 You wanna finish this? 355 00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,228 Yeah, I do. Yeah. That's why I'm here. 356 00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:02,771 Not for long, you're not. 357 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:06,775 Where do you think you're going? Uh, this place called to kill Barry. 358 00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:12,280 Every time y'all fight he beats you like the redheaded stepchild of a rented mule. 359 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,949 No, he doesn't. 360 00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:16,451 - Yeah, both head and ass. - Pounds you like meat. 361 00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:19,621 Look, look, look. Hang on, hang on. 362 00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,957 There we go. Look, check this out. 363 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,959 Look. Yeah. 364 00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,752 Oh. You can wear this. 365 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,963 My God. I know. Right? 366 00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:32,134 Evil Cyborg versus Spacebot. Love it. 367 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:33,635 This is gonna be... 368 00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:36,972 And I hate this word, Barry, but this is gonna be epic! 369 00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,890 - I'll be right... - He can't get in here. 370 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,351 So the only reason to go out there is your ego. 371 00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:45,105 Not just my ego, Lana, Spacebot's ego. 372 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:46,481 And a giant ass-whipping. 373 00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,734 I can take him. Did you not see those claws? 374 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,944 Please. We just want to go home. 375 00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,029 But Spacebot... 376 00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:56,324 Jesus, think about someone else for once in your life! 377 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:58,076 And that's her saying that. 378 00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,661 Exactly. 379 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,998 Domo arigato, Archer Roboto 380 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,500 Uh, Barry? Yo. Yeah, let's get it on, brother. 381 00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:09,504 I, uh... I can't get it on. 382 00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:12,299 What? Come on. Maybe next time, sorry. 383 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:15,177 Hey, don't do that, don't apologize. Sorry. 384 00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:19,222 I mean, if you're having a legitimate problem with your vagina... 385 00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:22,142 ...that you have between your legs in lieu of a penis... 386 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:25,103 ...I completely understand. And you need to deal with that. 387 00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:26,772 Honestly, we can do this another time. 388 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,275 Archer? 389 00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,613 Next time, Barry. 390 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:38,366 Sterling, I know I may not say this very often... Or ever. 391 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,535 Well, congratulations, you ruined it. 392 00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:42,162 But I'm still very proud of you. 393 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,663 Aw. 394 00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,373 Ass. 395 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:48,084 Docking coupler disengaging. 396 00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:51,379 Okay, folks, next stop, planet Earth. 397 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:54,549 Just try not to kill us all, Cyril. Mother, please! 398 00:18:54,717 --> 00:18:58,470 Don't listen to her, Cyril, you're gonna do great. 399 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,472 Hey, thanks, Archer. 400 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,390 You know what, just for that... 401 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,393 - What are you doing? - Heh, heh, heh. You'll see. 402 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,062 Ignition. 403 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,898 No! 404 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,656 Now who's got a vagina problem? 405 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,242 - Me. - Ew. 406 00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,411 How am I gonna get home? 407 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,414 - Fifty meters. - You're doing great, Cyril. 408 00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:30,252 Almost there. 409 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,088 So let me take this baby on in. What are you doing? 410 00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,257 - Archer, stop it! - Let me land it! 411 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:40,220 Archer! You had, like, an actual moment of self-awareness in space, so... 412 00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:43,223 So I deserve to land the goddamn spaceship! 413 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:46,268 - Aah! - Sink rate, sink rate. 414 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:49,521 Cyril, it's all you, buddy. You got it. Climb, climb. 415 00:19:56,445 --> 00:20:00,448 Until further notice, no more health insurance claims will be accepted. 416 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:03,952 - Aw. Come on, really? - Don't blame me. 417 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,246 Yeah, Cyril crashed the damn thing. 418 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,920 Oh, come on, Ray. What's the big deal? 419 00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:16,131 You already had the chair! 420 00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,350 Hey, did I tell you guys I got a goat? 31835

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