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1
00:00:03,212 --> 00:00:04,796
Wait, here's an idea:
2
00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:07,006
You talk louder,
maybe they'll come to us.
3
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,092
We'd lose the element of surprise, Lana.
4
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,343
That was sarcasm.
5
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,179
No way, really?
Because so was that, just now.
6
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,515
I pretty much insist that you shut up.
7
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:16,933
Shit, they're in the armory.
8
00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:18,142
Good, we got them.
9
00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,436
This is the only way out.
Of the armory.
10
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:22,772
I heard you. And I can also read, so...
11
00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:24,774
So, what's in the armory?
12
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:28,820
Burglars, Lana, that's why I'm here
and not up to my ears in stewardess.
13
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:30,279
What else is in the armory?
14
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,824
Well, a bunch of automatic weapons,
rocket launchers...
15
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,702
...uh, about a jillion grenades... Oh.
16
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,454
They may have fire superiority.
You think?
17
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:41,958
For all we know they're building
a Gundam suit with bazookas for hands.
18
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,377
Really wish we had some backup.
Who, Cyril?
19
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:47,797
Or, oh, maybe Ray could
run over them with his wheelchair.
20
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:51,592
That was also sarcasm, since apparently
now we're saying whenever we do it.
21
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,136
Are you ready?
No.
22
00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:55,555
Sarcasm again. Yes, I'm ready.
23
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,442
What are you doing?
Nothing!
24
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,152
Archer!
What...
25
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,655
...the hell are you doing?
Nothing. What're y'all doing?
26
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:16,659
The alarm company called us because
the motion sensors were going off.
27
00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:20,371
Dukes.
Yeah, we got new keycodes Monday...
28
00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:23,833
...but you were... Where was it?
Physical therapy.
29
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:26,794
For your limp, useless legs.
30
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,963
Well, it's obviously working,
you're on a...
31
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,758
Wait a minute!
How are you walking around on ladders?
32
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:35,762
Because he's not paralyzed!
And is that not the stuff of miracles?
33
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,848
You lying little...
I never said I was paralyzed!
34
00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,266
Y'all just assumed I was!
35
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,727
Because you left the hospital
in a wheelchair!
36
00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:44,103
They make you!
37
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:47,023
Then I couldn't get a cab,
so I got back in the chair and...
38
00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:49,817
Spent the last six months pretending
to be handicapped.
39
00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,027
Handi-capable.
40
00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:54,530
Before I kick this ladder over
in the hopes of paralyzing you for real...
41
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,200
...why are you in here
stealing guns and grenades...
42
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,660
...in what better not be
my night-vision goggles?
43
00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:02,705
I kind of have some family problems.
44
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:07,543
So your brother, the drug dealer...
He's not a drug dealer! He's a drug farmer.
45
00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:11,672
Whatever, is gonna be murdered
by your hometown's crooked sheriff?
46
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,259
E.Z. Ponder, yeah, and he used to
bully me so bad in high school...
47
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,303
No! Ray, that was sarcasm.
48
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:22,391
Anyway, he wants Randy's dope farm for
himself or he'll kill him, so I gotta go and...
49
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,018
...stop him.
Count me in.
50
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:25,228
What? Why?
51
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:29,065
Well, for one thing, it's eerily similar
to the plot of White Lightning...
52
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:32,193
...and this is Ray's brother.
What's more important than family?
53
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:36,697
Mm, getting hammered on moonshine
and trying to bang skanky trailer chicks?
54
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,283
Um, trying?
Oh, that reminds me.
55
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:43,204
Um, they all think I'm married to,
like, a woman, so...
56
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,373
Oh, all right, I'll be your beard.
57
00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:49,919
What are you, insane? "Hey y'all,
here's my great big old black wife!"
58
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:53,256
Lana, come on. You're gigantic.
59
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:32,587
Now, what's all this nonsense
about a break-in last night?
60
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:36,132
I swear to God,
if Krieger was doing more of his...
61
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,301
What's his new, awful thing?
62
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:41,888
Ultimate Bum Shockfights, and no,
it looks like it was an actual break-in.
63
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,097
What?
Jeezy Petes!
64
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:46,434
Did they get into the mainframe?
I don't know, but...
65
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,102
We need Sterling. Where is he?
66
00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:49,478
He's tracking down...
67
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:53,149
...um, leads. From the clues.
68
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:54,483
That there were some of.
69
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,403
What kind of clues?
The kind I'm gonna show you...
70
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,114
...if you're not too busy
shutting up to come on.
71
00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,533
Put Sterling through
the minute he calls in!
72
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,243
Which I guess will be never.
73
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,078
So are there just no towers here?
74
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,414
Or have we literally gone back in time?
75
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,334
- Both.
- Ow! You dumb idiot!
76
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:12,710
Great.
77
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,755
Why am I in a, whatever, dune buggy?
78
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:19,175
Remember? We picked you up last night,
said we were going on a trip?
79
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:23,012
No, and to where? Six Flags Over
The Shittier Parts of Chernobyl?
80
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:26,015
Ferlin, West Virginia.
Yeah, and you and Ray are married.
81
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,810
Oh, my God, oh, my God!
We're not actually...
82
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:33,147
Actually, it'll be better if she thinks...
We're married!
83
00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,357
Super.
Ray, look out!
84
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:41,530
Is that the sheriff
and have you recently gone insane?
85
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:43,658
Yes and no.
Respectively?
86
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:46,535
Now, I know that ain't who I think it is.
87
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,413
- No shit! Ray Gillet!
- Gillet?
88
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:52,833
How in the hell are you?
Pretty good, E.Z. How you doing?
89
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,753
Can't complain.
Ain't nobody'd listen if I did.
90
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,549
I hear that.
You hear what?
91
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,010
Not that?
92
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,555
What brings you back up the holler?
93
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:10,559
Oh, you know, just wanted to show off
my pretty new bride to the home folks.
94
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,939
Mm, she is that.
95
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,609
For a minute there I was thinking
maybe you come back...
96
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,319
...to help your brother out with his...
97
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:24,073
...business concerns.
No, just back for a visit.
98
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,866
Well, make sure it's a short one.
99
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:29,870
Because believe me when I tell you,
ain't nothing you can do to help him.
100
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:33,290
Y'all drive safe now, hear?
101
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:36,460
Man. Is it me or is he super menacing?
102
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:40,256
Or super hot?
Hey! Remember? We're married?
103
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,258
Not until it's consummated.
104
00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:46,846
I'll drive if you wanna hop back there
and, um, enter her.
105
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:52,601
So not only is Ray not paralyzed,
but his brother is a drug dealer...
106
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,604
Farmer.
He and Archer are in West Virginia doing...
107
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:58,733
What are they doing?
Fighting a war on the war on drugs?
108
00:05:58,900 --> 00:05:59,942
Goddamn it.
109
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,902
What?
You should've looked under the stalls.
110
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:05,948
I did! Wait, I did.
I usually put my feet up on the grab bars.
111
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,951
Ugh. Anyway,
this is all obviously unauthorized...
112
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,454
...but I promised Ray
we'd cover for him, so...
113
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,832
Oh, no! I'm not getting mixed up in this,
and if Ms. Archer asks me...
114
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,627
Why is it that every time
I need to use the restroom...
115
00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:21,714
...you people are in here
skulking around looking guilty?
116
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,382
Uh...
117
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,301
I'll tell you why they look guilty.
118
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:30,598
Because they, or we, I guess,
don't know how to tell you...
119
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:34,435
...that the break-in was
a lot worse than we thought.
120
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:35,644
How much worse?
121
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:38,230
Uh, well, it's really hard to say.
122
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:41,567
But rest assured we are on it,
and Archer is on it, and...
123
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,320
We're on it.
Well, I want an update in one hour!
124
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,990
And why does it always reek of paint?
125
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:51,327
Well, there she is. The old homestead.
126
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:53,913
Jesus, what's my dowry? Tetanus?
Hey, you know what?
127
00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:56,373
Jesus!
128
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:58,334
That's far enough, you sons of bitches!
129
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,294
Randy, it's me! Ray! Your brother!
130
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:03,005
Don't you move. Don't move a inch.
131
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,966
What do you mean "don't move"?
I came to help you, asshole!
132
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:08,886
Well, you ain't gonna be much help
with your legs blown off.
133
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,513
There's mines all in the yard.
134
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,475
Ray, to be honest, I'm kind of having
second thoughts about this whole thing.
135
00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:17,770
Uh, get in line.
Randy Gillet, where are your manners?
136
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:21,357
Get these folks a map of that damn
minefield so they can come inside.
137
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:24,527
I got some nice hot pie for them.
138
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:28,155
Okay, now I'm having third thoughts.
Oh, please don't.
139
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:30,199
It would be rude not to eat her pie.
140
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,869
Which I assume is not only hot
but also moist.
141
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:35,913
Although hopefully not flaky.
142
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,918
And so E.Z. Gave me a choice:
143
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:44,296
Give him my whole dang operation,
get out of the holler by sundown...
144
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:48,008
...or else him and his boys'll just take it
and grind me up into fertilizer.
145
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:50,177
Well...
But listen to me, just yapping.
146
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,513
Tell me about this
pretty new wife of yours.
147
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:56,392
Because I'm kind of surprised
to see you married.
148
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,145
Ha, ha, ha.
Homeboy knows what I'm talking about.
149
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:03,065
He does?
A New York City interior decorator?
150
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:06,986
That's what you went with?
Bet you're up to your eyeballs in poontang!
151
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,405
Oh, yeah, just so many...
152
00:08:09,573 --> 00:08:12,158
...vaginas.
Oh, no offense, darling.
153
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,535
Ahem. None taken.
154
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,495
Want some more of my pie, Mr. Archer?
155
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:17,913
No!
Yes!
156
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:22,042
Thank you, Janelle, I would love
more of your moist and hot pie.
157
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:25,171
- Well, then open wide.
- Okay!
158
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,923
Folks, we can't sit around
eating her pie all day.
159
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,592
We got a situation here.
160
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:33,095
Krieger's running the logs to see
if any files were accessed last night.
161
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,930
Who the hell could have done this?
162
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:38,392
Who knows? ODIN, the KGB...
Actually...
163
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:42,396
But this will take hours, so we'll just
bring you a report when it's done.
164
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,607
Actually...
Krieger. More type, less gripe.
165
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:48,861
And has anyone heard from Sterling?
No... Yes! He's out...
166
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:52,615
...on the case.
Well I want some answers, and soon.
167
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:57,328
And since there's nothing in these logs,
I, too, would like some answers.
168
00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,788
So here's the thing...
169
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:03,417
If I can just get what I got
to my distributor, I can retire.
170
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:06,879
Maybe move up to New York City with you.
I... What, where, do what?
171
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:11,550
Heh, I'm kidding. Last thing you want's
your redneck brother hanging around.
172
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:15,095
No, it's not that, it's...
Plus I'd rather kill myself.
173
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,640
Nothing up there
but a bunch of you-know-whats.
174
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,475
Yeah, there are a lot of them.
175
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:22,019
Don't see how you stand it.
176
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:23,896
Anyhow...
177
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,606
Dude.
Awesome.
178
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:29,151
- Sweet, gracious God.
- This here's what E.Z. Wants.
179
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:32,279
How did you afford all this?
Farm subsidy.
180
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:35,574
He told the government he's growing
corn for "high-flooktose" syrup.
181
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,494
But damned if I'm gonna contribute
to the obesity epidemic.
182
00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:40,663
Hey, a man's gotta have a code.
Right?
183
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:43,123
I put my heart and soul into this...
184
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:47,294
...but now it's either roll over
for that sheriff like a dog or fight.
185
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,755
Like a different, better dog.
186
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,508
So is it just E.Z. Coming, or...?
No.
187
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:55,344
The whole sheriff's department.
I'd say 20 men...
188
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:59,598
...AR-15s, maybe grenades.
Oh, dogs! Duh.
189
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,684
Ray, I'm having fourth thoughts.
190
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,520
Well, I got a few tricks up my sleeve.
191
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:08,816
Janelle, why don't you take Mr. Archer
and show him the defensive perimeter?
192
00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:11,318
I'd be delighted.
Whoa, no, wait a second...
193
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:12,569
Fifth thoughts!
Archer!
194
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,613
Don't worry, she won't bite.
195
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,949
But speaking of, it's about suppertime.
196
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,492
You still partial to fried chicken?
197
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,870
I'll cook it!
If someone shaves it or whatever.
198
00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,541
What...?
What in the...? Janelle? Janelle!
199
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,960
Randy, wait! Dukes!
200
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:31,755
So is there, like,
special chicken shaving cream, or?
201
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:34,133
First of all, that is a rooster!
202
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:38,262
Yeah, like Kenny Rogers' Roosters.
Roasters! Randy, wait!
203
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,891
And just what the hell is this?
204
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:46,645
Um, well, I'll tell you what it's not,
which is what it looks like.
205
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,606
I got caught on the fence,
Mr. Archer tried to get me loose...
206
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,234
You better get your ass in that house.
207
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,487
Do you wanna have sex with my wife?
208
00:10:55,655 --> 00:11:00,075
No, I swear, this was just an extremely
unlikely mishap with the barbed wire.
209
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,536
Because we would be amenable to that.
210
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,664
Well? Why you look so nonplussed?
211
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:08,917
Because I wasn't sure if you knew
what amenable actually meant.
212
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,378
Until you followed it up with nonplussed.
213
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:14,173
See, me and Janelle got us
one of them open marriages...
214
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,925
...like in France.
Oh, right, in Europe.
215
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:20,262
And I would really like
that open marriage to include...
216
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,764
...Ray's new wife.
What?
217
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,224
Now, look, that's in the Bible.
Really?
218
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,435
Genesis 38, verse eight.
Really?
219
00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:30,147
Even though Ray used to be a preacher,
he was never big on the Old Testament.
220
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:33,442
I could see that.
So I doubt he'd wanna reciprocate.
221
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:37,780
So I just need you to keep him busy
while I have sex with his wife...
222
00:11:37,947 --> 00:11:41,283
And then I get to have sex with...
My wife, you son of a bitch!
223
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,578
Yeah, I think I got...
So where the hell's your damn pants?
224
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,789
They're on the fence!
Goddamn it, Archer!
225
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,332
Hang on...
Archer, shut up!
226
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:52,461
Ray, he was... And then poor Janelle...
227
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,589
Oh, I gotta go make sure she's okay!
228
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:58,467
And you better have a talk with him!
229
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,804
I will, Randy, I'm sorry.
A good, long talk.
230
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:05,140
Like, talk for about 40, 45 minutes.
231
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,726
Okay, so...
Aah.
232
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:12,940
I have never, in my entire life, been
as disgusted as I am at this moment.
233
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:15,067
Well, give it a minute.
234
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,152
What do you mean, a cyber-attack?
235
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:21,240
Apparently the intruders downloaded
a virus into the mainframe.
236
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,784
So this all needs to come out.
237
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,787
The mainframe is Krieger's baby.
How'd you get him to go in?
238
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:30,624
I told him I'd get Pam to fight
in his Ultimate Bum Shockfights.
239
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,084
Is it called that because...
240
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,461
...paying homeless men
to fight is shocking?
241
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:35,712
Nope.
242
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:39,007
Well, hello there, game-changer.
243
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,969
He what?
Yeah, apparently it's in the Bible?
244
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,178
No, it isn't!
245
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:45,305
It did sound too cool for the Bible.
246
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,558
But why do you care? A, you're gay...
247
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:49,643
...and B, you and Carol
aren't really married.
248
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,520
But Randy thinks we are!
249
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,772
Yeah, but...
That's actually a really good point.
250
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,358
I am gonna beat him like a rented mule!
251
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:59,486
Now that sounds like something
from the Bible.
252
00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,488
She in there?
Yeah. Where's mine at?
253
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:02,739
In the woods with Ray.
254
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:06,326
- You gotta wait till later, maybe after supper.
- No kissing.
255
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:09,830
I wasn't... That is the weirdest rule.
256
00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,040
I know, right? Some honeymoon.
257
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,042
Oh, hey, do I do the face?
258
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:16,712
And where the hell is Sterling
when I need him?
259
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,423
You've reached Sterling Archer's voicemail.
260
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:20,883
Please leave a message.
261
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,719
Wha...? Finally, a non-idiotic greeting.
262
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:28,140
Sterling, I want an update, so call me
the instant you get this mess...
263
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,058
The voice mailbox of...
264
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:31,310
Sterling Archer.
265
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,897
- Is full. Goodbye.
- Idiot. Ha-ha-ha.
266
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:41,069
Come here, you skinny-legged
son of a bitch!
267
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:44,531
Oh! Sorry.
That's okay, they're not my best feature.
268
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:45,949
No, I was...
Not important.
269
00:13:46,117 --> 00:13:49,244
What is important is that
Randy gave me a Bible lesson.
270
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,747
Yeah? And what did the Bible say?
271
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:56,043
Well, Janelle, obviously the actual scripture
is open to interpretation...
272
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,794
...but what I took away from it...
273
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,838
...is that we should go in the barn...
274
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,758
...and screw our brains out
on a huge pile of marijuana.
275
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:06,053
It didn't say nothing about a rubber,
did it?
276
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:07,554
It did not.
277
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,475
Ray's still up in the woods, right?
Uh... Oh.
278
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:14,144
Uh, no, he actually said
he wanted to talk to...
279
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,395
Randy!
280
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,356
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
now hang on a second!
281
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:18,982
You white trash piece of...
282
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,277
Randy!
283
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:27,074
Yes. Randy. Which I probably
should've mentioned earlier.
284
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:31,453
Don't judge me. Food.
285
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,251
You lucky I didn't kill you.
You're lucky I didn't kill you!
286
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:41,421
While you were in bed with my wife!
Our marriage was never consummated!
287
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,924
And I think we all know why.
Carol!
288
00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:47,928
There's plenty of blame to go around
here. I don't think I deserve any, but...
289
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:50,806
You were gonna screw her!
Yeah, so? Is that still on, or?
290
00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:53,308
Carol?
Wha...?
291
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,310
Somebody,
come on, promises were made.
292
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:58,605
Just like you promised Mama and Daddy
you'd always take care of me.
293
00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:01,650
And here we go.
They weren't even cold in the ground...
294
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,569
...before you were gallivanting
around Europe!
295
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,987
It was the Olympics!
296
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:08,323
Which you lost!
Bronze medal is not losing!
297
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:11,285
Then off to New York City.
You can just say New York.
298
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:15,747
To be a hoity-toity interior decorator.
You can just say decorator.
299
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,834
Whatever, I don't know why
I thought he could help save my farm.
300
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:24,339
Because your job? That's a job for sissies.
Oh, yeah? Well, guess what!
301
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:27,593
Ray is not an interior decorator.
302
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,928
I... No, you know what?
Yes, shut up.
303
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:34,516
Randy, your seemingly effeminate brother
is actually a highly trained secret agent.
304
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:40,856
Pssh. Yeah, and I'm something
equally hard to believe is true.
305
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:42,983
It is true, that's why I married him.
306
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:45,193
Well, and the bronze medal.
Prove it.
307
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:46,695
What do you want, a business card?
308
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,573
Where do you think he got
a bag full of assault weapons?
309
00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:52,367
Well, y'all do live in New York City.
Just New York.
310
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,494
Ray? Is he telling the truth?
311
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:58,248
Mostly.
So because you're a spy...
312
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,417
...is that why you never
come back to visit?
313
00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:01,960
Mm, also mostly.
314
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:06,423
Aw. And here all this time I thought
it was because you were ashamed of us.
315
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:10,469
Oh, come on, why would you think that?
Well, I found a bunch of your old diaries.
316
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:13,055
Obviously not the one
with Miss Piggy on it.
317
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,806
No, Daddy said he burned that one.
318
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:18,727
Ah, great.
And I am sorry I screwed your wife.
319
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:22,356
And I'm sorry if I ever made you
feel like I was ashamed of you.
320
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:25,400
The important thing
is you came back to help me.
321
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,361
Come on, that's what family's all ab...
322
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:29,905
Shit!
Oh, damn it!
323
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:34,242
Randy Gillet! This is Sheriff E.Z. Ponder!
324
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,244
Come out of there with your hands up!
325
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,163
Oh. That son of a bitch is early.
326
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,291
I don't know, "sundown" sounds
more colloquial than an actual...
327
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:44,419
If you wanna back out on me,
now's probably the time to do that.
328
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:48,632
Randy, you may be a racist, homophobic,
wife-swapping drug dealer...
329
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,927
Farmer.
...but nobody murders my brother.
330
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,096
The Gillet boys, side by side.
331
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:57,557
Janelle, cover that window yonder.
Archer, got a little fight in you?
332
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:06,525
Whoo! Ugh. Yeah, I'm pretty furious
about not getting to bang Janelle.
333
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,361
Plus I want to unleash
the power of moonshine.
334
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:13,031
Then grab a gun and cover that window!
What should I do?
335
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,117
I got red hot pokers laying in that fire.
336
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:18,537
If anybody gets hit,
you grab one and slap iron to it.
337
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:21,748
Awesome.
And remember, it's us or them.
338
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,376
So this is how it's gonna be, huh?
339
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:28,547
Randy, I didn't want it like this!
Now, come on, I tried to reason with you!
340
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,881
Reason with this!
341
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,969
All right, then! Light them up!
342
00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:39,850
Ow!
Janelle! Are you hit?
343
00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,309
No! A piece of glas...
344
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:47,149
Well, don't just sit there! Shoot!
345
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:51,987
Ugh. I can't. I feel sick. What's happening?
Do I have cancer again?
346
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:54,156
You drank too much!
That's a thing?
347
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:57,242
Looks like it's just you and me, brother.
348
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,246
Randy, you don't have to do this.
349
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:04,708
They'll go easy on you.
Hell, the judge is my wife's cousin.
350
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,626
I bet he'll give you probation.
351
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:10,630
Oh, please! You're gonna murder him
so you can take over his dope farm!
352
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:14,259
What? Cease fire! Hold your fire!
353
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:19,723
Why in the world would you think that I,
a peace officer sworn to uphold the law...
354
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:22,976
...would wanna murder your brother
and get his marijuana farm?
355
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:27,189
I... Because that's what Randy said!
Randy's a drug dealer.
356
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,274
Farmer!
And I tried to get him to quit.
357
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,692
I come to him as a friend...
358
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:34,529
...I come to him as an elder of the church,
but he wouldn't give it up.
359
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:39,785
And so now I gotta come to him as the law.
And you accuse me of planning a murder?
360
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:44,039
Well, you did used to pick on me a bunch.
Well, I'm sorry.
361
00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:46,374
I was a dick in high school.
362
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:50,128
But you gotta admit,
you were extremely pick-on-able.
363
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,464
There's nothing wrong with Capezios!
364
00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,967
Randy? Is he telling the truth?
365
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:58,053
Mostly.
Randy!
366
00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:00,180
You almost got me and my friends killed!
367
00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:03,141
Because you could never
be bothered to get a real job!
368
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,769
Well, I only got to ninth grade!
369
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:08,730
How else was I supposed to
earn a living? Digging 'seng?
370
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:12,484
There is a perfectly good coal mine
not a half-mile from here.
371
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:17,030
And maybe you wouldn't get rich,
but at least it's an honest living.
372
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:18,240
Yeah, but it's hard.
373
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:20,075
So is this.
374
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,745
Randy!
Shut up. And Mama never liked you.
375
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:26,248
E.Z., don't shoot! Ahem, I'm coming out!
376
00:19:26,415 --> 00:19:29,084
Ha, ha, ha. Phrasing.
377
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:32,295
Here's the files you had me pull.
378
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:36,508
Ow! What the hell is on your hands?
My bum-zappers.
379
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,468
For the shockfights?
380
00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:42,556
That I'm doing for Krieger, which is why he
broke the server, to help Lana cover up...
381
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:45,267
...that Ray and Archer
are killing cops for a dealer...
382
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,394
...and Ray's been faking
that he's paralyzed?
383
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,605
Lana!
384
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,900
Or are we not telling you that?
385
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,277
No.
386
00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:59,155
Thank God you guys got here
before they started killing hostages.
387
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:02,242
Which would have been us.
As the hostages.
388
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:04,244
You lying-ass bitch!
389
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,872
She's mad because I slept with Randy.
390
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,000
To get food for my fellow hostages.
391
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:13,628
So, uh, you really think you can
fix it so I just get probation?
392
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:15,380
Oh, God, no, I just said that.
393
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,634
All these drugs and weapons,
attempted murder of police officers.
394
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:22,262
You'll probably die in prison.
Oh.
395
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,639
Will you come visit me?
396
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,309
Probably not.
Because you're a spy and all?
397
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,769
Um...
He's a highly trained secret agent.
398
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:32,647
Is that right? Well, listen here.
399
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:38,069
If you ever find your way back up
in the holler, give me a call.
400
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:42,866
I think I got myself a extra pair of Capezios
lying around somewheres.
401
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:45,076
Uh, okay.
402
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:49,247
Should I, just... Just 911?
All right, let's move them out!
403
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:53,376
Well, that's just great.
Everybody gets laid in the holler but me.
404
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:56,713
Well, and you, I guess.
405
00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:58,882
Since they ate your husband.
406
00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:03,136
Dan Lather. Ha, ha, ha.
34070
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