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1
00:00:08,092 --> 00:00:09,926
I don't wanna...
2
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,971
Woodhouse, you sneaky old fiend.
3
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,723
Happy birthday, sir.
4
00:00:15,891 --> 00:00:18,935
Thanks, Woodhouse. This is amazing.
Seriously, you outdid yourself.
5
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:20,937
That's not all, sir.
6
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,942
Uh, sorry about that, sir.
7
00:00:26,110 --> 00:00:30,279
It's okay. I'll wait while you make me a new
birthday breakfast not covered in garbage.
8
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,198
It's not garbage, sir, it's...
9
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:36,744
Scraps of paper, Woodhouse,
which, by definition, yes, is garbage.
10
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:41,374
Afraid I don't have the ingredients
to recreate this exact breakfast, sir.
11
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,293
Okay, then make Nutella waffles.
12
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,256
Damn it. Nutella steak and eggs?
13
00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:49,716
Today's my shopping day.
14
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,592
Why do you even bother...
15
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:52,802
...living?
16
00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:57,140
No time to talk, Popeye.
It's my birthday.
17
00:00:57,307 --> 00:01:00,184
Were you gonna say happy birthday?
Don't bother. Happy birthday to me.
18
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,771
Mm-hm.
19
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:08,025
I wonder what the guys at the office
have planned for my birthday.
20
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:12,655
Wonder if Fudgie The Whale will be there.
Or Cookie Puss. Heh, heh.
21
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,992
Cookie Puss. Those guys at Carvel
know what they're doing.
22
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:21,164
Paging Dr. Boy, Dr. Birthday Boy.
23
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:37,472
So, what are you ladies up to?
Cleaning out the stupid file room.
24
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:41,184
Yeah? Any particular reason?
Uh, it's full of shit?
25
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,519
Speaking of, is that Archer?
26
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,022
Yes, but I have to warn you...
27
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,983
...I don't like surprises?
28
00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:52,028
Or doing your share of work, apparently.
Who likes that?
29
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:55,865
You'd better start, because a lot of
this junk is yours. Now get to work.
30
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,700
Are you serious? On my...?
31
00:01:57,868 --> 00:01:59,994
Your what?
My never mind.
32
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:03,039
Because there's nothing special
about today whatsoever, Mother.
33
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,124
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
34
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,626
Uh... Wait, really?
35
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,712
Yes, it's the quarterly fire drill.
36
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,298
Let's go, people. Get the lead out.
37
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:15,593
Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.
38
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:19,055
Shut up. Hang on, does nobody
seriously know what today is?
39
00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:20,848
Tuesday?
The Rapture?
40
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,850
Come on, people.
Look alive.
41
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:25,186
I never remember it
taking so long.
42
00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:28,022
Maybe that's because
you never remember anything. So...
43
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,690
Oh, my God.
44
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:33,027
Surprise.
45
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:35,738
I... Is that...? What...? Mother?
46
00:02:35,906 --> 00:02:37,740
Happy birthday, dear.
47
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,242
I...
48
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,703
Ow.
49
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,080
I think.
50
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,785
Oh, I can feel it.
51
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:27,290
I can feel your power.
52
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:31,210
What's that? You want me inside you?
53
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,753
Sterling.
54
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,714
You know my name?
Sterling!
55
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,133
Hm? Oh. Oh, sorry.
56
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:39,594
I believe a "thank you" is in order.
57
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,263
Mother, oh, my God.
Yes, thank you.
58
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:46,142
And not just... Well, mostly me,
of course, but Dr. Krieger helped too.
59
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,644
Well, only if by "helped" you mean...
60
00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:54,317
...oversaw the design of the world's
most insanely kick-ass spy car.
61
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,485
It's a spy car?
Lana?
62
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,988
- Lana, no.
- Oh, my God.
63
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:03,993
Holy shit.
64
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,120
Yeah, I'm like a magnet.
65
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,539
Brett, shut up.
What else does it do?
66
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,124
Press that red button? -
I...
67
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,585
Wait, is it gonna kill everybody?
68
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,003
Press that blue button?
69
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,963
Welcome, Mr. Archer...
70
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:17,423
It does know my name.
71
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:21,052
...to the Dodge Challenger, Special Agent
Edition, brought to you by Dodge.
72
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:22,470
Thanks, Dodge!
73
00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:26,015
Featuring a 440 V-8 engine,
six-speed manual transmission...
74
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,684
...and a top speed of 185.
75
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:31,437
Heavy-duty suspension,
run-flat tires...
76
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,648
...bulletproof body panels and windows...
77
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:37,193
...twin.30 cal machine guns
mounted in the front...
78
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:40,446
...anti-pursuit countermeasures in the rear.
79
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,866
It makes the Mach 5 look like a vagina.
80
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,327
The interior boasts mil-spec GPS...
81
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:49,372
...satellite communications,
hi-fi stereo...
82
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:50,831
...rich Corinthian leather.
83
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,000
Corinth is famous for its leather.
84
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,627
And, of course...
85
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:59,090
Bar is to be stocked
with non-alcoholic beverages.
86
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,676
Dodge cannot stress this enough.
Never drink and drive.
87
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,678
Now, Sterling, listen to me.
88
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,055
It's like seeing the face of God.
89
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,975
Sterling. This car cost me a lot of money.
90
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,602
So you have to take proper care of it.
I will.
91
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,354
And if you crash it...
I won't.
92
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:17,233
Or, God forbid, if you get it stolen...
I won't.
93
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:19,235
...you won't ever get another one.
94
00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:23,030
Mother, I promise,
I'll take the best care of it of anything ever.
95
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:24,240
You'd better.
96
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:26,242
Well, come on.
Give your mom a hug.
97
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,119
Oh, no, I don't think
that's really...
98
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,328
Possible.
99
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,997
Um, at all.
Why not?
100
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,624
Um...
Oh, God. He's got an erection.
101
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,251
Shotgun.
Me too.
102
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:38,087
Sorry, it's this Corinthian leather.
103
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,673
In my new Dodge Challenger!
104
00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:46,762
Ahem. I forgot to close the bar.
105
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,895
In my new Dodge Challenger!
106
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,982
Wow, so how much did Dodge kick in?
107
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,109
Not as much as you'd think.
108
00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:04,780
So I hope this doesn't sound weird...
109
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:07,742
...but I kind of wanna have sex with you.
Is that all right?
110
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,328
Oh! Seriously, Dodge? Apple juice?
111
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:14,040
Not you, the car, obviously...
112
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:17,585
...but the blond genie woman
who lives inside you that talks.
113
00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:19,754
So, what do I call you?
114
00:06:19,921 --> 00:06:23,299
Hello? Jeannie? It's me, master.
115
00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:26,469
Wait a minute, was that just
a lame pre-recorded video?
116
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,262
Or are you pouting for some reason?
117
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:31,098
Fine, then pout.
118
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:36,395
But that totally wasn't my fault.
119
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:40,816
You shouldn't even be able
to put the car in gear with the bar open.
120
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:46,155
Besides the danger of drunk driving,
it's obviously a huge design flaw.
121
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:48,657
Which is why now you're all sticky.
122
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,785
Which, I'm sorry for that.
123
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:55,664
Once we get you parked, I'll clean you up
and wipe you down with a fine chamois.
124
00:06:55,832 --> 00:07:00,795
And also quit talking to you, because now
I'm pretty sure that was just a recording.
125
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,714
I mean, it was, right?
126
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,135
Whatever. Either way, I'm done talking.
127
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,221
Oh, come on, it's full?
128
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:13,182
Damn it. Guess I'll have to park
on the street.
129
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:17,645
If you get it stolen,
you won't ever get another one.
130
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,689
I heard you, Mother. Somehow.
131
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,362
Ooh.
132
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:30,616
Hi, neighbor.
133
00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:40,167
The grappling hook detaches from my end?
134
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,378
Way to think it through, Dodge.
135
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,381
So clean all the broken glass
and the sticky apple juice...
136
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:48,050
...then I need all new glassware,
some real liquor.
137
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:53,180
Um, oh. There's a grappling hook in the street,
get that, and then find out where to buy caltrops.
138
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:54,390
Caltrops?
139
00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:59,103
Yeah, caltrops. Try, maybe,
area-denial-weapons.Com.
140
00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,646
Very good, sir.
141
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,360
Oh, did you decide
to start talking to me?
142
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,988
Nothing, Woodhouse.
What do you want?
143
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:13,159
Ugh. It's black, powerful, sexy.
144
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,828
Like if Ron O'Neal was a car.
145
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,079
What?
146
00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,331
No.
147
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,041
No, no, no.
148
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:25,212
No!
149
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,428
No, no, no.
150
00:08:32,596 --> 00:08:34,138
Sir? What are you...?
151
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:38,184
I thought maybe she had
some sort of cloaking device.
152
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,436
No, then I'd be standing in it.
153
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,396
You. What'd you do with Jeannie?
154
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,606
Steady on, sir.
155
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:47,276
I swear to God, I'll scoop out
whatever organs you have left and...
156
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:52,281
Sorry, sir, you were going all Bilbo-y.
157
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:53,616
I'm sorry.
158
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:56,660
Woodhouse, can I see that can for a sec?
No, sir.
159
00:08:56,828 --> 00:09:01,123
I just wanted to read the warning label
about "in case of eye contact."
160
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:04,126
You did not. You were going
to spray me in the eyes.
161
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,712
Heh, heh. I totally was.
162
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:09,298
Oh, my God.
Okay, I gotta think.
163
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,508
Would you stop?
They look pretty bad, sir.
164
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,303
Really?
Because they feel great.
165
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:18,474
Okay, so obviously Jeannie was stolen,
and who steals cars, Woodhouse?
166
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:20,601
Gyppos.
167
00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:26,148
Car thieves. And this was obviously
a ring of very high-end car thieves.
168
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:30,444
So now I have to go undercover in the
high-end car-thief whatever, underworld...
169
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,656
...and steal Jeannie back.
Sounds dangerous, sir.
170
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:37,910
Not nearly as dangerous as Mother
finding out I lost my birthday present.
171
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:42,623
Sterling.
Yes, Mother?
172
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,208
Where is your new bicycle?
173
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,420
That's what I thought.
174
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:51,006
And you let her do it.
I...
175
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:55,094
I'm kidding. You couldn't have stopped her.
She would've snapped your spine.
176
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,138
I mean, you're just tiny.
177
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,683
Lana. What do you know,
what do you say?
178
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:05,771
I know you're about to ask me
for a favor, and I say, wait for it...
179
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,982
- I...
- Wait.
180
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,276
Was that even a twist-off?
No.
181
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,152
Yikes.
Is my answer to your favor.
182
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,656
I don't care what it is.
The answer's no.
183
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,408
Somebody stole my birthday car.
184
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:22,705
Okay, I'm gonna drink some of this and then
I'm gonna do a huge spit take on you.
185
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:25,624
What the shit, Lana?
I told you I was gonna do it.
186
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,043
Right, sorry,
guess I'm a bad listener.
187
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:32,214
Obviously. Malory told you
not to let that stupid car get stolen.
188
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,883
Thank you, world's loudest voice.
Now shut up.
189
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:39,221
For reasons that don't bear going into,
I have to get it back before Mother finds out.
190
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:43,309
Ugh. Okay, I'll help you. To do...
Wait, what am I helping you to do?
191
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,937
Infiltrate whatever criminal outfit
steals the hottest cars in the city.
192
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,064
That would be the yakuza.
193
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,274
What?
194
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:55,321
And, man, against those pinkieless bastards,
you had better come correct.
195
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,240
And you know this how, exactly?
196
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,247
Homies.
197
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,041
Hang on, hang on...
198
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,876
You race drift cars?
199
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,336
Crappily.
Oh, for...
200
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,254
Is anybody not in here?
201
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,381
I'm not crappy.
I just started.
202
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:18,093
Shut up. When's the next race?
And we're gonna pose as your pit crew.
203
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:21,096
It's tonight. And I don't know.
204
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:25,017
If the yakuza finds out you're snooping around
about a hot set of wheels...
205
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,602
Don't worry about me, I'm...
206
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,104
Not going on another
stupid rampage.
207
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:31,815
Well, maybe a limited rampage.
No.
208
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:34,068
Modified limited rampage?
Archer.
209
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,820
Don't worry about my methods.
The important thing is that nobody tells...
210
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,239
Mother.
211
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:41,075
Tell me what?
212
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:42,618
What?
What.
213
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:47,122
What are we doing? I shouldn't even
be in here. And neither should you, Pam.
214
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:50,959
Why aren't you out in your new car?
Because Woodhouse is detailing it.
215
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:55,297
Because that's the high level of care
that I am taking of it.
216
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,841
You better be.
217
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:01,136
Wow, dodged a bullet there, huh?
218
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:04,807
Figuratively. And you had better hope
we don't have to dodge any literally.
219
00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,851
Well, obviously I hope that.
220
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:15,567
I am not super-confident about this.
221
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,861
Join the club.
I don't even know why I'm here.
222
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:21,407
Join that club. Then shut up and act
like you know what you're doing.
223
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,492
I don't know anything about cars.
224
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:25,619
I meant as an agent. Zing.
225
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:28,580
Okay, Pam, who's the big
cheesy-san around here?
226
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,916
That would be Mr. Moto, he's...
227
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,252
Crapjacks, he's coming over here.
228
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,838
So, shiro kabocha...
229
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:37,714
...you are back.
Hai, Moto-san.
230
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:41,135
And, again, just really sorry
about your nephew.
231
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,719
He knew the risk.
232
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,930
But I do not know these people.
233
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,850
Sorry. Hi, I'm Randy,
crew leader, and...
234
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:50,686
Why does this underling
speak to me?
235
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:51,937
"Underling"?
236
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:54,648
Randy, don't.
Listen here, Moto, I...
237
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,989
Uh...
Right in the head and ass.
238
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:05,784
Unh...
Let that be a lesson to you.
239
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,539
Aw, man,
I just totally lost face.
240
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,708
Ha, ha. Join that club.
241
00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:15,377
So you rethinking that rampage?
242
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,920
I am, actually.
243
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,213
Ew.
Gross.
244
00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,883
- Then can we please get out of here?
- Absolutely.
245
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:23,719
Right after I get my car.
Jeezy Petes.
246
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:26,388
No wonder it was running rough.
Archer, don't...
247
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,725
Now which one of you pussies has it?
248
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:33,729
So just a heads up,
I'm starting the rampage now.
249
00:13:33,897 --> 00:13:35,230
No kidding.
250
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:36,857
Mm...
251
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,108
No.
252
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,906
I am so angry at you right now.
253
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,533
You? Look at them.
They're furious.
254
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:49,036
One question before you die.
255
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,454
Shoot.
Figuratively.
256
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:54,082
My question is this:
257
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,584
What are you doing?
258
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,044
What? Nothing.
259
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,923
Uh-huh. Have you seen Sterling?
What, like ever?
260
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,132
Tonight, now.
261
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:06,386
He's supposed to meet me at 21 for his stupid
birthday dinner, but he's not answering...
262
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:07,888
Hello?
263
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:12,476
Mother? Hi, listen, I can't really talk
right now, can I call you back?
264
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:16,438
Or are you pouting for some...?
Oh, crap, are you already at 21?
265
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:20,192
Sorry, I'm running late, so go ahead
and order me four martinis and...
266
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,028
Sterling Malory Archer,
you inconsiderate little...
267
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,238
Whoa!
268
00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:27,282
Birthday voicemail, Mother.
I gotcha, heh, heh, heh.
269
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:31,662
But seriously, I bet I will be late, so go ahead
and pull the trigger on those martinis.
270
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:36,625
What kind of ass would be late
for his own birthday dinner?
271
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,753
The kind who'd infiltrate the yakuza?
272
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:41,964
What?
Nothing. What? Nothing.
273
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,715
Carol.
No.
274
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,093
Answer me.
No, I've said too much alrea...
275
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,597
Jeez. Ow!
276
00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:53,267
You got another one in you?
Answer me.
277
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:56,061
And that, guys, I guess,
is a pretty long answer...
278
00:14:56,229 --> 00:15:00,148
...to why I'd go on a suicide mission
to get back my birthday car.
279
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,775
Because of a stupid bicycle?
280
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:05,571
What part of "five-speed Schwinn Sting-Ray"
are you not getting?
281
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:10,325
Are you...? And I am being serious here.
Are you insane?
282
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:13,036
Maybe some mild post-traumatic
stress disorder, but...
283
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,496
But he drinks a lot, so...
284
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,915
So I think I've got
a pretty good handle on it.
285
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,589
We don't even have your damn car.
We steal drift cars.
286
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,299
Imports only.
287
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:26,842
Right-hand drive. Duh.
288
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:30,345
Heh, okay, okay.
And why would I believe you?
289
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:36,268
Why would I lie?
Either way we're going to kill you.
290
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,312
Oh. Oh, right.
291
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,188
And if they don't, I'm going to.
292
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,857
How is this my fault?
293
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,692
This is all my fault.
294
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:47,821
I should've never gotten him that car.
It's that damn bicycle all over again.
295
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,865
And who the hell taught you how to drive?
296
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,534
This guy I know named my dead father.
297
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,536
Oh, I, uh...
298
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,788
Yeah. I bet you feel like a dick.
299
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,376
No, because, look, if this whole thing
is anybody's fault, it's...
300
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,880
Pam, what are you doing?
What? Nothing.
301
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:08,634
- Oh, shit.
- Damn it.
302
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,219
Fire.
303
00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:18,852
Where are you going?
How should I know?
304
00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:23,690
Can't see shit, my car's shot to shit,
and I only had three shitty payments...
305
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,233
Left!
306
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,069
What?
Go left, dumbass.
307
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:31,948
To the cars.
308
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,952
Move the damn hood.
309
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,496
Okay, hang on.
310
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,667
- Jesus.
- How's that?
311
00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:46,254
Pam, if you do that again...
What are you gonna do, shoot my car?
312
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,507
Lana's doing it too.
No, she's...
313
00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:51,593
Goddamn it.
Sorry.
314
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,346
Are you?
Cyril, here, make yourself useful.
315
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,265
I... No. You know what? No.
What?
316
00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:00,602
No. The way I see it,
we're the bad guys here.
317
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,982
They're the yakuza.
Who were minding their own business.
318
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,777
Of white slavery.
Don't qualify it.
319
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:09,945
And stealing cars.
320
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,905
Not yours.
Well, maybe not, but...
321
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:16,118
But you come in here, guns blazing,
half-cocked, and probably half-drunk...
322
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:19,955
It's my birthday.
Well, happy fricking birthday.
323
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:23,625
Thank you. Finally,
somebody acknowledges my birthday.
324
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:25,502
Shut up,
because now we're gonna die.
325
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,879
Not if shiro kabocha can help it.
326
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,923
- Whoa!
- Oh, God!
327
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,933
Whoa. Wow, Pam,
you're actually pretty badass at this.
328
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,519
Duh. Why do you think
they call me shiro kabocha?
329
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,563
Yeah, what does that mean, anyway?
330
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,314
The white shadow.
331
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,110
No, it doesn't.
332
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,446
It means "white pumpkin."
333
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:53,655
Aw, honey.
334
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:56,950
Oh, yeah? Well, I got your pumpkin hanging.
Ew.
335
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:06,460
You used-panty-vending sons of bitches.
336
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:09,087
Shiro kabocha, this is not over.
337
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:12,340
We'll see about that. Gun, give me.
No, honey, let's just...
338
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,384
Shut up, give me the gun.
No.
339
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,178
Give it.
No. You're agitated.
340
00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:19,973
No shit I'm agitated,
look at my car.
341
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:21,266
At least you have one.
342
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,519
Thanks to you we wasted all night
dicking around with the yakuza...
343
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,521
...and I still don't know
who stole my fricking...
344
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:30,358
Mother.
Sterling Malory Archer.
345
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,945
What are you doing here?
Did you not hear my outgoing voicemail?
346
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:37,824
Did you not hear me tell you not to let
your brand-new car get stolen?
347
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:41,369
Thanks a lot, blabbermouth.
She beat it out of me.
348
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,455
Rowrr.
Oh, stop it.
349
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,792
But, no, you didn't listen to me.
And then you lied to me.
350
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,377
And then you almost got
everyone killed, and...
351
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,296
Almost, nothing.
352
00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:54,508
I'll kill you all right now.
353
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:57,052
Do you mind?
I'm trying to parent.
354
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:01,556
That was for Pearl Harbor.
355
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:04,810
Now, where was I? Oh, yes,
and all because you're irresponsible.
356
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,521
No, I'm...
Well, not with the car.
357
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:12,400
Are you...? Sterling, you left it
unlocked in an unattended garage.
358
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,361
I don't, um...
359
00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:15,570
She took it.
What?
360
00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:19,032
Well, not me personally, I...
Why would you do that?
361
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,326
To teach you a lesson.
About what?
362
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:25,497
Life. Just like with that damn bicycle
when you were 8 years old.
363
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,249
I don't, um...
364
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,376
She took it.
365
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,919
You stole my bike?
366
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:33,713
I came home from work,
it was just lying on the sidewalk.
367
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:36,758
And I thought,
"Oh, well, this will teach him."
368
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,928
Sting-Ray, five-speed.
369
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:45,100
But so did you talk to him about
responsibility when you gave it back?
370
00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:46,643
Gave it back?
Wow.
371
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:49,855
You're disgusting.
What kind of a lesson would that be?
372
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,107
Banana saddle, sissy bar.
373
00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:55,193
- Oh, my God. So, what about his car?
- Jeannie.
374
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:59,030
Mm, I'm afraid
it already has a new owner.
375
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,826
Aw, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
376
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,244
Thanks, Dodge, or whoever.
377
00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:07,664
Yes, my ass is everywhere.
378
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,251
What are you looking at, sucker?
29159
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