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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:05,713 And so here's what I propose: 2 00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:09,592 We finish these, get some roadies, head back to my huge penthouse... 3 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,053 ...drink chilled champagne served by my valet... 4 00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,347 Isn't it pronounced "valet"? 5 00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,724 Only if he's parking your car. 6 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:20,395 Then we slip into my new hot tub and see where the evening takes us. 7 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:24,107 Well, I have to wait until my friend comes back from the powder room. 8 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,943 Obviously we're gonna wait for her. She's the hot one. 9 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:29,570 Pig! 10 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,615 Uh, I'm sorry, is something funny? 11 00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:35,284 Just that last part, where she slapped you. 12 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,620 Yeah? You like physical humor? 13 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,957 Depends on the situation. Ow. 14 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:44,627 You okay? No, I'm not o... Oh, my God. 15 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,671 You're Burt Reynolds. Yes, I am. 16 00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,340 And if I let you up, are you gonna do anything stupid? 17 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:50,842 No, no, I'm not. 18 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,803 Hi, Sterling Archer. Sterling Archer? 19 00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:56,597 Yeah, you heard of me? Right? Well, just from your... 20 00:00:56,765 --> 00:01:00,893 Press clippings. Hard to stay anonymous when you're the world's greatest secret agent. 21 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:04,647 Calling yourself that can't help. Hang on, true story. Operation C.I.A.? 22 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:08,484 That movie's basically why I became a secret agent in the first place. 23 00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:09,652 Really? Yes. 24 00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,362 That movie was just god-awful. 25 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:15,158 What's awful is I almost punched you. Heh, heh. No, you didn't. 26 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,493 I've seen all your other movies like five times. 27 00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:22,498 Sam Whiskey, Navajo Joe, Fuzz, Hooper, Shamus, Shark, The Longest Yard... 28 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:26,502 ...Deliverance, the Smokeys, White Lightning, obviously Gator. 29 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,838 Oh, I even saw At Long Last Love. 30 00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:31,674 Yeah, yeah. Well... I thought you were great. 31 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,676 Really? I mean... 32 00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,595 Well, I wanted to. Me too. 33 00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,889 Listen, I kind of have a date. 34 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:41,058 No, no, no, Mr. Reynolds, wait. 35 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:45,605 Sorry. Let me buy you a drink. I wanna tell you my idea for a Gator sequel. 36 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,273 Gator was a sequel. I know. 37 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,318 And this will be the final chapter in the McKlusky trilogy. 38 00:01:50,486 --> 00:01:54,030 Trilogy? Huh. Yeah, with twice as many airboats as Gator. 39 00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:56,866 Twice as many would be none. What? Gator had... 40 00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,201 Speedboats, not airboats. 41 00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,912 Really? Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. I directed it. 42 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:04,415 Okay, but this one has airboats, and they're central to the plot. 43 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:07,543 It sounds great, kid, but like I said, I kind of have a date... 44 00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:11,714 I get it. You gonna take her upstairs and give her The Longest Yard? 45 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:14,050 - Uh, heh... Yoo-hoo! 46 00:02:14,218 --> 00:02:16,219 Mother? What are you doing here? 47 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:19,555 What are you doing here? I'm kicking it with... 48 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,766 Burt? Oh, no. No. Yeah. Yeah. 49 00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:24,310 Remember how I said I kind of have a date? Oh... 50 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,104 It's kind of with your mom. Oh, Burt Reynolds. 51 00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,942 I hope that's not gonna be a problem. 52 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,941 Oh, please! 53 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,735 Burt Reynolds didn't give you a black eye, the floor did. 54 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:16,612 When you fainted like a schoolgirl. 55 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,823 It was an involuntary reaction, Mother... 56 00:03:18,991 --> 00:03:23,452 ...to seeing you all tarted up to meet my hero in a hotel bar for sex. 57 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:28,207 Oh, for... We were meeting for drinks. I mean, obviously sex was implied, but... 58 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,043 Ugh! And since when is he your hero? 59 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,503 Since always! 60 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:35,256 Eastbound and down 61 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:38,759 I thought that was Richard Petty. Which doesn't even merit a response. 62 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:42,972 And you cannot date Burt Reynolds. Can, am, and will continue to do so. 63 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,308 I'm serious, I will do something drastic. 64 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:49,020 You will not. Mainly because you've got bigger things to worry about. 65 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:52,356 I'll be the judge of... A Cuban hit squad is in New York to kill me? 66 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:54,650 Apparently. This intel's a week old. 67 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:58,112 Why are you just telling me about it now? Because. 68 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,406 Pick up, Sterling. Pick up, pick... 69 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,867 Hello? Sterling, dear, it's me. There's... 70 00:04:03,035 --> 00:04:05,953 Voicemail. You know what to do. Oh, for God's sake. 71 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:09,206 Hello? Oh, man. Hold on. Sterling? Sterling, dear, it's me. 72 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,500 Hold on, hold on! Hang on. Pick up, Sterling. 73 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,128 I got it. 74 00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,421 Sterling? Don't hang up! 75 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,175 Hello? Sterling, it's... 76 00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,510 Elaborate voicemail hoax. 77 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,012 Leave it. 78 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,684 And then I just forgot about it, because that same night, I met... 79 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:33,439 Burt Reynolds is on line one! 80 00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,858 Oh... For you, for some reason. 81 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:39,362 Burt, dear, what a lovely surprise. 82 00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,573 I'm sitting here with just a mustache and memories of last night. 83 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,408 Oh, Burt. Ugh! 84 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:49,372 Also a blanket. The AC in my room's stuck on freeze. 85 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:54,126 Deliverance, Gator, and this is him in Cosmo. 86 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,045 How totally hot is he?! 87 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:59,924 I swear to God, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now. 88 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,968 I mean, not that you would, but... 89 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,219 - Hey! - Shut up! 90 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,471 You're not my supervisor! 91 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:06,889 Wait, who is my supervisor? 92 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,391 Carol! Oh, right. 93 00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:11,268 Go get my gray fox out of cold storage. 94 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:14,939 Burt Reynolds is taking me to a movie premiere tonight, so... 95 00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:18,609 Help me, God, if you throw that computer on the floor again... 96 00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:23,906 ...you'll wake up in a mental ward with total amnesia under someone else's name! 97 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,866 That's actually kind of scary. Eh. 98 00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,451 Wouldn't be the first time. 99 00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:30,621 Archer, hey, about this expense report... Not now, Cyril. 100 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:35,334 Mother is ruining what remains of my life before a Cuban hit squad assassinates me, so... 101 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,423 Yeah, laugh it up, Lana. I am. 102 00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,258 You almost got shot in the face. 103 00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:43,467 Get off. You get off. 104 00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,594 Cyril, I'm pretty tense right now. 105 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,764 Because of the Cubans or because Burt Reynolds is doing your mom? 106 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,851 Yeah, laugh it up. I am. 107 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,020 Cyril... Burt Reynolds is actually banging... 108 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,938 Ow! Unh. Archer! 109 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:58,024 You broke my freaking nose! What's that? 110 00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:01,444 Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of "I broke your nose." 111 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:04,822 Bullying Cyril isn't gonna make Burt Reynolds stop shtupping your mom. 112 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,115 He's not doing that! 113 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,451 But even if he is, which he is... No, he isn't! 114 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:12,455 - This Cuban hit squad is no joke. If I were you, I'd lay low in the safe house... 115 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:15,541 ...for a few days until we work out a plan to neutralize them. 116 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,585 Oh. Yeah, okay. The safe house. 117 00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:21,130 I'm sorry, your words made sense, but your sarcastic tone did not. 118 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:23,799 Because there are no Cubans. Uh... 119 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:25,760 Mother just wants me out of the way... 120 00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:28,637 ...so she can do unspeakable things with Burt Reynolds. 121 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,681 So nice try, idiot. 122 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:34,310 I love it that I'm the idiot. 123 00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:38,439 So unless the building is literally on fire, none of you are to call me. 124 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,941 Because, as I may have mentioned... Fifty times. 125 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:44,153 - Tonight I will be attending a movie premiere with Burt Reynolds. 126 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:47,698 Oh, my God, that totally reminds me. This came for you. From him. 127 00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:48,908 And you opened it? 128 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,410 That's how I knew it was from him. Give me that. 129 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,788 "Dear Malory, it's been..." 130 00:06:56,500 --> 00:07:00,336 "Dear Malory, it's been real, but I'm dumping you for a young starlet... 131 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:03,214 ...and heading back to Tinseltown. 132 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:06,634 Do not contact me. Regards, Burt Reynolds." 133 00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:09,845 "Regards"? They weren't even warmest! 134 00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:13,599 Wait a minute. Who calls it Tinseltown? Carol Channing? 135 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:17,603 Or somebody who just thinks that's what movie stars call Hollywood. 136 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,979 Stockard Channing. 137 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:22,024 Archer. His mother, dating his man-crush? 138 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,859 I bet Archer kidnapped him. How? 139 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:26,403 Archer goes to Burt's hotel room. 140 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:27,613 Archer? Burt. 141 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:31,367 - Knocks him out... - Archer knocks out Burt Reynolds? 142 00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:34,203 With gas. Oh, shit. 143 00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:37,665 And then hides him somewhere, like an idiot kid hiding a lamp he broke. 144 00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:40,668 - You really think he'd do that? - Yes, really. 145 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,546 I'm serious. If you ever go near my mother again... 146 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:46,090 ...I will do something really bad. 147 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:48,717 Then you should probably just get it over with. 148 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:50,553 Don't worry, I... Wait, what? 149 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,347 Because if you don't kill me and I get loose... 150 00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:56,308 ...you're gonna wish you were in hell with your back broke. 151 00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,478 I don't have a response to that. 152 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,063 They never do. 153 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,573 It's my own fault. I should've known. 154 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:13,701 They tell you they love you and then they just cast you aside... 155 00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:17,580 ...when some young starlet catches their eye with her perky little boobs! 156 00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:21,917 Mm. I bet they were perky and big. Jeez...! Ow! 157 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:24,003 Why are you torturing her like that? 158 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,046 Why are you asking rhetorical questions? 159 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,092 Aw. That's actually kind of sad. All right, here's the plan. 160 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:32,720 I say we go rescue Burt Reynolds, and as a bonus... 161 00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,972 ...beat some sense into Archer's head and ass. 162 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,891 Yeah! Right in the head and ass. 163 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:40,561 So, Pam, Carol, stay here with Malory. Everybody else, let's go to Archer's. 164 00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:44,607 He's got a Cuban hit squad after him. Why wouldn't he go to the safe house? 165 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:48,903 A, because he thinks they're imaginary, and B, the safe house doesn't have a... 166 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:53,574 New hot tub! Fifty jets, hand-hewn California redwood, no big deal. 167 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,534 The California redwood is endangered. 168 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,161 So? I already got my tub. 169 00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:59,538 Woodhouse, Burt Reynolds. Burt, Woodhouse. 170 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,665 Hi. Loved you in Gone with the Wind. 171 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,792 Not him. Shut up, get him a drink. 172 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,211 What's your poison? 173 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,087 Pimm's Cup. Odd choice. 174 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:08,881 Well, the whole thing's pretty odd. 175 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,133 What's odd is you wanting to date my mother. 176 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,928 Why is that odd? Because you're you, and she's... 177 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:17,598 Beautiful, smart, funny, successful. Mm. Like, one of those, tops. 178 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:20,476 Not to mention drop-dead sexy. Oh, dear God, yes. 179 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:22,478 Woodhouse! I shall fetch a cucumber. 180 00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,813 You have to not date my mother. Can't do it. 181 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,107 Can't or...? Won't, whatever. Pick one. 182 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:30,236 Then here's what's gonna happen. You'll drink your Pimm's Cup... 183 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:33,405 Which is exciting. Never had one. Mm-hm. Then I'm gonna knock you out. 184 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:37,868 You'll wake up in a mental hospital with total amnesia, under someone else's name. 185 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,996 Now that's an idea for a movie. Yeah, I think it already was. 186 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,539 I wasn't in it. Maybe not... 187 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:45,668 A mental ward. White walls, white sheets... 188 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:48,045 ...nurses in crisp white uniforms... 189 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:51,131 ...broken men shuffle like zombies. 190 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:54,260 We see a hospital wristband on a man's arm, John Doe. 191 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:59,556 Gator McKlusky. 192 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,394 And he's looking out the window, the afternoon sun on his face. 193 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,355 A spark of recognition in his eyes. Know what he's looking at? 194 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,816 No. The Okefenokee Swamp. 195 00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:10,526 There's a mental hospital there? 196 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:13,862 Right on the water. And guess what's tied up out there at the dock. 197 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,615 An airboat! And the head nurse falls in love with him... 198 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,493 ...and finds out who he really is, so she helps him escape. 199 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:22,496 And they get chased by dirty cops, but in the end they win! 200 00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:24,748 And you just got a screenplay credit. 201 00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,625 For real? Yeah, maybe even... 202 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,544 Your Pimm's Cup, sir. 203 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,212 Doesn't it come in a silver chalice? 204 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,840 Uh, that would be a pimp cup, sir. 205 00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,049 Oh. 206 00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:37,386 I hate to sound Hollywood, but could you put my Pimm's Cup in a...? 207 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,971 Pimp cup? Certainly. 208 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,973 It would be an honor, Mr. Gable. 209 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,392 Maybe even what? Executive producer. 210 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,145 Executive producer?! But I'm not... 211 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,397 ...falling for that, you big liar. 212 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:51,150 You're not gonna make that movie. Oh, I absolutely am. 213 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:55,612 And once your ISIS buddies find out that you kidnapped me and come find me... 214 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,906 ...I'm gonna give them all an EP credit. 215 00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,784 No, you're not. So drink your stupid Pimm's Cup... 216 00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:02,619 Yeah, where are we with the chalice? 217 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:05,414 - Because nobody is coming for you, Burt. 218 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:08,083 - And especially nobody from ISIS. - Okay. 219 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,586 Don't take this the wrong way... 220 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,173 ...but I'm kind of wondering how you're gonna be an effective field agent. 221 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,342 Interesting, coming from a woman. 222 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,344 Excuse me? Burn. 223 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,553 Eh? 224 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:35,319 I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for affirmative action, but... 225 00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:37,613 Oh, my God. Okay, first of all... 226 00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,448 - Hey, guys? - Zip it, nerds! 227 00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:43,160 I was twice the agent you were when your legs worked, so don't hand me that... 228 00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:44,453 Shit! What the...? 229 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:45,621 Duck! 230 00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,917 Aah! And this conversation isn't over! 231 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,293 Isn't it?! 232 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,504 No, no, no! My brand-new van! 233 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,590 Holy shit! Lana! Hang on! 234 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,093 Cuban hit squad! I gotta go! 235 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,929 Would you go?! I can't yet! 236 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,015 And now I... Sorry. Now I do actually see your point. 237 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,101 Krieger, go! 238 00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:15,651 Damn, Krieger can't outrun anything with all that handicapped shit. 239 00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:18,487 I gotta go after them, but this conversation is not over. 240 00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:19,780 You'll never catch them. 241 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:22,241 Yes, I will! No, you won't. I've seen you drive. 242 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,785 Heh, heh. You drive like an egg. 243 00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:26,328 You think you can outdrive me? 244 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:27,913 And I'll bet on it. Go on. 245 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:32,000 If I don't catch them, I will just ride off into the sunset. 246 00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:35,629 Where they don't have telephones to ever call my mother again ever? 247 00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,798 On my word. And if I do catch them... 248 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,800 You keep dating my mother, yeah, got it. 249 00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:43,887 And since we've wasted a shitload of time already, I feel pretty good about this bet. 250 00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:47,182 So let's do this! 251 00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,942 You're kidding me. It drives me nuts. 252 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,944 It's like the world's slowest elevator. 253 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,530 This is like the world's slowest van! 254 00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,532 It's all this handicapped shit! 255 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:07,286 Jesus, God, I get your point! 256 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,582 You should get a Bat-Pole. 257 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,125 Nine thousand bucks. What? 258 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,127 Lowest quote I got. That's ridiculous. 259 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,213 For just putting a pole where the garbage chute already is. 260 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:21,633 But the co-op board was like, "But what'll we do with the garbage?" 261 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:25,262 Yeah, but you could still throw it down the... Whatever, the same shaft. 262 00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:28,140 I know. And then you'll have some garbage to land on. 263 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,601 If you're coming in hot, I know, it's a win-win. 264 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:33,854 And you were gonna pay for it yourself, no assessment or anything. 265 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,272 Yep. 266 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,317 Ridiculous. Preaching to the choir, buddy. 267 00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:43,030 That's not your car, is it? Yeah, why? 268 00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,575 Nothing, just didn't know they sold those to men. 269 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,785 Yeah, laugh it up, Burt. I am. 270 00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,633 Heh, heh, heh. Burt, it's too fast! You're going too fast! 271 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,260 No such thing. Yes, such thing. Slow down. 272 00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:08,055 - Don't you wanna help your friends? - I don't care about them. 273 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,599 You do. You just pretend you don't because you're afraid of... 274 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,144 Dying in this freaking car! 275 00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,395 Emotional intimacy. 276 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,688 Oh, my God, you... 277 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,440 You are such an asshole! 278 00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:21,360 Lana! Lana, we're coming to help. Where are you? 279 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:26,114 Heading north on the FDR at 60th. Getting shot at by your damn Cubans. 280 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,075 Which is totally not cool! 281 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,118 Great. Now tell her to keep going north. 282 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:33,121 Doesn't matter, we can't catch them. We're all the way acr... Oh, shit! 283 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,458 We'll catch them. I know a shortcut. 284 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:39,503 What...? How? I did a TV series here called Hawk. 285 00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,046 I forgot about Hawk! 286 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:44,132 He was part Indian. Right! 287 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,681 Whoa. Now it's officially a chase. Hooray! 288 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,642 - You know what your problem is? - My pants are wet? 289 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:57,312 You only see your mother as your mother. But she's also a person. 290 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,107 She has hopes and dreams and fears and needs. 291 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,441 Don't make it weirder. 292 00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:04,653 Not sexual needs... Well, maybe those too. 293 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:09,491 - But personal, professional, all that stuff that makes a person who they are. 294 00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:12,661 And until you... Oops. Hang on. What...? 295 00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,376 Holy shit! Burt Reynolds! 296 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:22,754 Hey, if you just pay attention, you might just learn something here. 297 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:27,134 I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my giant throbbing erection. 298 00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:31,430 How about now? It's gone. I'm all ears. 299 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,515 Good, because my point is... 300 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,726 Oh, wait, wait. You're gonna wanna see this. 301 00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,519 See wh...? No! 302 00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:38,895 Burt, no! 303 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:41,940 Please, don't do this. 304 00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:45,861 Oh, shit! 305 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,533 My pants are now literally wet. 306 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:54,161 And my point is, until you can look at your mother... 307 00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:56,663 ...and see her not just as your mother... 308 00:15:56,831 --> 00:16:00,667 ...but as a person, a real person, you can't grow up. 309 00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:03,337 Huh. Food for thought. 310 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,756 And if I were you, I'd come to terms with that... 311 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,091 ...because I plan to be seeing a lot of her. 312 00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:11,553 Oh, uh... By "a lot of her," I mean... I get it. 313 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:14,890 But I guess you're out of luck, because we had a... 314 00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:16,725 ...bet. Goddamn it. 315 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,727 Now what do you say we have some fun? 316 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,270 Whatever. 317 00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,398 Oh, my God, not the van. 318 00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:26,735 Will you please drive straight?! 319 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,029 No, serpentine, serpentine! 320 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:35,160 Oh, hello. Hello. 321 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,456 Holy shit! It's Burt Reynolds! 322 00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:43,794 Now watch what I do right here. Yeah, duh, I only invented it. 323 00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:47,756 Oh, well, nice to meet you, Hal Needham. Whatever. 324 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,974 Ha, ha, ha. That was actually pretty sweet. 325 00:16:58,142 --> 00:17:02,270 Oh, looks like we're in danger of a frown turning upside-down. 326 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,022 Cut it out, that tickles. 327 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,524 Heh, heh, heh. Burt, come on. 328 00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:08,276 Cut it out. 329 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,779 Burt, watch the goddamn road. Oh, shit. 330 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:12,823 Sorry about that. 331 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,367 You should be. That was totally irresponsible. 332 00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:25,961 Kick-ass! Stupid villains! 333 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:27,379 Wait, was that the same footage? 334 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,299 Thanks, Burt! Anytime, darling. 335 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,094 But you probably wanna go ahead and slow down. 336 00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,387 Oh, shit! 337 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,806 - Krieger, brakes! - I am! 338 00:17:37,974 --> 00:17:40,642 They're not doing anything! We're gonna die! 339 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:44,271 A round must have cut the brake line! That's okay, I got it. 340 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:45,897 What do you mean you g...? Oh, shit! 341 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,818 Um... 342 00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,074 Unh! Hang on, everybody. 343 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:11,673 Everybody okay? 344 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:13,341 I'm okay. I may need a doctor. 345 00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:16,803 Okay?! No, we're not okay! 346 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:18,847 Look at Vanispheres! 347 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,766 No, we okay. 348 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,184 Don't you touch me! 349 00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,771 Uh... Is that a ghost? No, no, it's... Never mind. 350 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,355 We're good. Thank you, Burt. 351 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:30,358 Oh, no, don't thank me, thank, uh... 352 00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,819 Uh, you... Right, right. 353 00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:36,948 Now, if you'll excuse me, I think we can still make that movie premiere. 354 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,534 Ah! You're taking me to the premiere? 355 00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,873 Leave me for some hot little 20-year-old? 356 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,959 Well, I'll show him. I'll go find me a 10-year-old! 357 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,253 Ew! Yeah, I don't think you wanna do that. 358 00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:53,673 Shut up. Okay. Taxi! 359 00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,677 You! Malory, wait, I can... 360 00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,680 Save it! Nobody wants your... Mother, Burt... 361 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,266 ...mustache rides around here, buster! 362 00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:07,479 Oh! Oh, my God. Listen, Burt didn't write the note. I did. 363 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,565 You what? I know, I'm sorry, I... 364 00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:11,942 Ow. Ow. Ow! 365 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,527 What is wrong with you?! 366 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,654 A lot, actually. He's kind of a mess. 367 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:19,741 I am too. Look at me. Raccoon eyes... 368 00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,159 I think you look beautiful. 369 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:24,621 And I for one would love to walk you down the red carpet. 370 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:28,375 And I for one would be delighted. 371 00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,669 Have a good time, Mother. 372 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,254 And I honestly mean that. 373 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,964 Oh, blow it out your ass. 374 00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:38,260 Oh, Burt! 375 00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:42,556 Oh, Burt Reynolds is so freaking awesome. 376 00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:44,891 Yeah, he actually kind of is. 377 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:50,939 And I for one am gonna go watch Hooper and masturbate till my fingers bleed. 378 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,025 Just tape them up. 30710

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