All language subtitles for Archer S03E00 Heart of Archness Part III 1080p Blu-ray DD5 1 x264-CtrlHD

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:05,755 What do you mean, Lana hasn't called? 2 00:00:05,923 --> 00:00:09,759 I've been sitting here for, like, 5 million years and the phone hasn't rung once. 3 00:00:09,927 --> 00:00:13,846 So every time it doesn't, I just assume it's not her, not calling to say they... 4 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,517 They should've rescued Sterling and Rip from the pirates hours ago. 5 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:21,604 Maybe they did and just didn't call. No, I gave them explicit orders to... 6 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,439 What the hell are you wearing? 7 00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:26,776 Uh, this thing called "my boss made me sleep at my desk," so pajamas. 8 00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:31,864 Men's pajamas? For God's sake, woman, where is your pride? 9 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,825 In my work? 10 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:36,577 That may be the funniest thing you've ever said. 11 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:38,246 - Thank you. - Oh, shut up. 12 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,623 And then try Lana's sat phone. 13 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:43,084 Wait, what if Lana's been captured too? 14 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:46,838 Then I'll have to ransom her and Sterling and Rip and... 15 00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:50,133 Well, no, Miss Gillette's on her own. Still... 16 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:54,095 Get Cyril in here! I need him to find a way to pay for all this! 17 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,973 Wait a minute, that can't be right. 18 00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:02,979 I remember being really mad and really drunk and deciding to do some online banking. 19 00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:07,900 Oh, my God, I must have embezz... - arrassed myself last night, huh? 20 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:12,613 Don't talk like black people. And how should I know? I'm still ripped. 21 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:17,660 Oh. So you don't, um, happen to remember me saying anything about passwords... 22 00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,996 ...to say, Swiss bank accounts? 23 00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:23,374 Heh. I don't even remember who peed on your sofa. 24 00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:25,501 Although, if I was a gambling man... 25 00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:26,753 Cyril! Wha...? 26 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,297 Ugh. Smells like a kennel in here. 27 00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,340 Cash reserves, how much do we have? 28 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:35,094 I'll, uh, need to run those numbers. Heh. 29 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:37,305 Hurry up, we don't have a minute to lose. 30 00:01:37,473 --> 00:01:40,850 God only knows what kind of torture Sterling's going through. 31 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:03,039 Get off... 32 00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:04,665 ...the bucket. 33 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,709 I'm not done. Yes, you are. 34 00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,628 But I didn't... You know. 35 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:12,381 I can't with all the... Everybody looking at me, and then the judgments... 36 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:13,549 Noah? Yes. 37 00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:16,969 I just traveled 8000 miles and got ambushed by Malaysian pirates... 38 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:21,182 ...trying to rescue a person who is now responsible for my getting crabs twice. 39 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:25,144 Oh, come on. These crabs, this time, were not my fault. 40 00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,814 This whole dungeon is, um... 41 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:32,401 Were you gonna say "lousy with them"? I was, but then I realized that's, uh... 42 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,320 Where that phrase comes from? Yeah. 43 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,988 Yeah. Yeah. 44 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,616 Yeah. So guess what I'm in? Um... 45 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:39,909 No mood? 46 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,370 Winner, winner, chicken dinner. 47 00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:48,376 Wait, shouldn't it be some kind of crab dish, because of the crabs? Like, uh, crab cakes? 48 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:51,504 Ooh. Or Lana. Lana. 49 00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:53,881 Lana. 50 00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:56,008 Lana! What? 51 00:02:56,176 --> 00:03:00,137 Dungeon. Us. Crab. Huh? 52 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,098 Because we're in a dungeon. 53 00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:04,225 I'm kidding. Crab rangoon. 54 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,931 Noah, seriously, I swear to God, stop. 55 00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:47,018 Rock beats spoon. You should know that, you're an archeologist. 56 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,811 Anthropologist. 57 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:52,231 Whatever. If you're doing it just to get on my nerves, okay, I get it. 58 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,317 But if you're trying to actually escape... 59 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,319 Well, at least he's trying something. 60 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,404 Yeah, as opposed to the Doublemint Twins. 61 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:01,699 Heh-heh-heh. And one, two, three, go, herd. - Whoa! Unh! 62 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,327 Missed it by that much. Shut up. 63 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,788 It's no use. The trapdoor goes up a vertical shaft to the radio room. 64 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,498 Exactly, and if we get to the radio... 65 00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,958 Which this idiot shot to pieces... 66 00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:15,129 Holy shit. Wha...? What the hell happened to him? 67 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,673 He... Who knows? Maybe he had a brain aneurysm. 68 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:20,593 No, he... It's the silent killer, Noah. 69 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,471 Not unlike a metal spoon sharpened to a razor's edge... 70 00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:27,767 ...and used to slit an anthropologist's bird-like throat. 71 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,144 He just kind of keeled over. 72 00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,605 Probably thanks to your bucket-stanch. 73 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,190 Wha...? Excuse me, I didn't even go. 74 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,442 - We're going. One, two, three, down, herd. - Oof. 75 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,028 Jeez, how about a little warning? I said, down, herd. 76 00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:42,448 Uh, couple things. One, Ray, thanks for perpetuating the stereotype... 77 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,159 ...of the gay man as a collegiate cheerleader. 78 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:48,496 Uh, yeah. For your information, almost all male cheerleaders are... 79 00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:52,792 Finely-tuned hetero-athletes. Yeah, hang on, I'm getting a call. Brriing! 80 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,670 Hello? Hi, it's lacrosse, you lose. 81 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,880 Wait, the phone. Lacrosse? 82 00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,132 Yeah, it's Algonquin for "blood sport"? 83 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,343 It's not Algonquin for anything. Noah... 84 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:05,388 My sat phone. Yeah. See, Noah? Her... Wait, your what? 85 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,807 My sat phone. The pirates took it. 86 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:11,477 And since I haven't called in, ISIS should be calling me anytime now. 87 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,856 Jeezow, Lana, answer your stupid phone. 88 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,859 Hello? Give me Sterling Archer mother. 89 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,861 Oh, my God, be more Chinese-y. 90 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:24,073 - Pirates, line two. - Wha...? Well, put them through. 91 00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,033 Oh, my God, be more "I hate you." 92 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,077 That's why your phone is blinking. 93 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,870 Oh. Hello? 94 00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,706 This is Malory Archer. 95 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:33,541 This is Malory Archer. 96 00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,584 Okay, then you listen to me. 97 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:38,254 No, you just listen to me, buster. Bucky. 98 00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:42,508 If you touch one hair on my son's head, I'll have your guts for garters. 99 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,261 Aha, you like wear garter? 100 00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:47,638 Heh-heh-heh-heh. It's an idiom, you heathen. 101 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,767 Malory will call, she'll haggle over the ransom for you, me and Riley. 102 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,185 What about me? Yeah, and me? 103 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,812 We'll come back for you later. 104 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:58,524 No, shut up. We gotta get that phone, or something. I don't know. 105 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,735 But I don't want Mother talking to Bucky. 106 00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:04,238 Why not? She's been coming to your rescue since you were in short pants. 107 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,368 Oh, for... Sterling, get your things. 108 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:13,706 We're leaving. Before this quack's office burns to the ground. 109 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,461 Sterling, get your things. 110 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:22,965 We're leaving. Before this cruddy school burns to the ground. 111 00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:27,887 Sterling, get your things. 112 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:29,472 He's gay. 113 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,515 You were in the Army? Oh, who remembers? 114 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:32,808 Well, try. 115 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,269 I can't remember. 116 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:37,730 There's a reason they call it "black-out drunk." 117 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,983 If I don't remember that password, I can't unembezzle that money... 118 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,319 ...and then I'm screwed, because I don't have... 119 00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,279 Ten million dollars? 120 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,490 That's outrageous. I won't pay it. 121 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:51,160 I don't even want the gay back. So you just better sharpen your pencil. 122 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,579 I don't have pencil. It's an idiom! 123 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:57,083 Aw, but I love it when Malory bails you out of one of your idiot jams. 124 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,336 Oh, really? Then I get to watch her rub it in your face. 125 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:02,671 Oh, my God. Okay, first of all... 126 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,049 First of all... Riley, no. Don't say it. 127 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:09,970 - He's been here voluntarily! Partying his ass off as king of the pirates! 128 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:12,723 Hmm. What? Don't listen to him. 129 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:16,519 I bet that brain aneurysm scrambled his Broca's area. 130 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:19,522 Right? Language center of the brain... 131 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:23,984 Noah. 132 00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,695 Thank you. No problem. 133 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:29,240 Actually, not making much progress. 134 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:31,408 You're kidding. 135 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:33,244 No. 136 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:38,999 Three million, and not a penny more. 137 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:42,711 And before you see one thin dime, I want to talk to Sterling. 138 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:46,173 Cyril. Wha...? Hey, Ms. Archer. 139 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:49,677 Three million in cash? That, uh, should not be a problem. 140 00:07:49,845 --> 00:07:53,222 I know it shouldn't be, and it better not be. 141 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:56,725 Why would it be? It's not. I just need to move a little money around. 142 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,145 So move it. Today please. 143 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:02,565 Keep looking, maybe I wrote it down. Um... 144 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,441 "ArcherSucks." No. 145 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:07,486 - "KillArcherDie." No. - Um... 146 00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,363 Just trying all my usual passwords. 147 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:12,032 Hey, way to not give them the power. 148 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,534 Thank you. 149 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:17,246 Do you hear me? I want proof of life. 150 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,248 Duh. 151 00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:22,084 You lying, pathetic, little piece of... Ooh. 152 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:23,294 - Lana, no. - Oh... 153 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:26,005 Come on, you're gonna kill him. Yup, that's the plan. 154 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,423 Hey, hey, knock it off. 155 00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:30,050 Look, Lana, don't get me wrong, I like your spunk. 156 00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:31,260 Phrasing. 157 00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:34,555 Shut up. But I promised his mother that I would bring him home safely. 158 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:38,517 And I just assume that includes his spleen. I think that ship might have sailed. 159 00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,061 No, not a ship. That was an idiom. 160 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,647 A helicopter. There's an old Huey down by the dock... 161 00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:46,734 ...and it just so happens, Rip Riley here can fly it. 162 00:08:46,902 --> 00:08:48,068 No shit? Yeah. 163 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:51,989 Rip Riley here can fly anything. You know, as long as it's got fuel. 164 00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:56,118 Well, Rip, why don't we just look around for some fuel in this cell... 165 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:59,955 I doubt they'd keep it in here. ...in which we're still locked? 166 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:05,586 I figured that we'd kind of work backwards from the, uh, stealing of the helicopter. 167 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:07,796 "ArcherBurnFace." No. 168 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,299 "Archerbortion." Ugh. No. 169 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,344 Are you gonna type random words in there the rest of your life? 170 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:17,932 All five minutes of it. At which point, Ms. Archer will probably dissolve me in a drum of acid... 171 00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:22,561 ...unless you have a better idea. State-dependent memory. 172 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:26,065 So your plan is for us to get as black-out, knee-walking... 173 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,402 ...shit-faced drunk as we were last night in the hopes that we remember the password? 174 00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,157 Well, don't hog it all. 175 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,284 Pam. 176 00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:41,413 Ah. Seriously, I bet that would've killed a lesser man. 177 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,916 Ha. There's a lesser man than you? 178 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,835 Uh, yeah, his name's Houdini. Whom I wish you were. 179 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,129 Yeah, because then I could just puke up a key. 180 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:51,674 Because you'd be dead. Houdini's dead? 181 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,009 You know what? Yes. Here's what we do. 182 00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:56,262 We lure Bucky down here and take him hostage. 183 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,764 And then? Then we'll see. We'll keep it loose. 184 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,518 Oh, for... And just how the hell are we supposed to lure him down here? 185 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,103 Sterling Archer. 186 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:07,523 What? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of my plan working. 187 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,942 Hey, telephone. It's your mother. My...? 188 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,570 Wait, please tell me you didn't tell her I was temporarily the pirate king. 189 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:16,532 No, not yet, but this is damn good. I... 190 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,242 Sterling, are you all right? 191 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:21,537 No, Mother, I'm a captive of pirates. Unh! 192 00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:25,708 Oh, and Riley said he no longer finds you attractive because you're too old. 193 00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,876 He what? What? You little... 194 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,420 Son of a bitch! 195 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,130 Was that a gunshot? 196 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,549 - Yeah, they got old Ray this time. - Unh! Unh! Unh! 197 00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:35,884 Ray! Now I kill you. 198 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,511 Aah! Ow! 199 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,723 - Right in the same ear! - Ha! Good. Serves you right. 200 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:43,851 Ha-ha-ha-ha! Malory, I never said that! 201 00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,394 You're no spring chicken yourself. 202 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,604 - Aah! - Unh... 203 00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,565 Shit. Lana! 204 00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,692 Is Lana hit? Someone talk to me! 205 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:54,069 Mother, I'm a little busy right now. 206 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:55,279 Noah! What? 207 00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:57,323 Spoon him! What do you mean, spoon him? 208 00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:00,701 You mean, spoon him as in like...? Oh, uh, right. 209 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:02,244 - Today, please! - Unh! 210 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:10,169 I am incredibly sorry. 211 00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:17,593 Rip? Rip, I take it all back. You're as strong and sexy as the night we... 212 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:21,513 For shit's sake, Mother! How short is the list of guys you haven't screwed? 213 00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:26,518 How dare you? You can just forget about that ransom. 214 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,103 For once, you're on your own. 215 00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:31,607 For once? Oh, my God, Columbia Hou...? 216 00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:37,237 All I wanted was to mourn the murder of my crazy-hot Russian fiancée... 217 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,114 ...by becoming a pirate king! 218 00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:42,117 But I guess that was too much to ask! 219 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:47,373 So Mother can keep her stupid ransom, because I don't need her! 220 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:53,587 What I do need is some fricking crab shampoo! 221 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,174 Noah! Wounded! No, no, I'm... 222 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,802 Maybe some psychic scarring, yes, but physically I'm... 223 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,261 Tend to the wounded! 224 00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:05,224 Oh, right, right. Right, of course, of course. Not him. Start with Lana. 225 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,976 - I'm fine. Check on Ray. - Yeah, he is not looking good. 226 00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,145 Although, neither is Riley. Ah, ah, ah, ah. 227 00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,731 And neither is your situation. Ha! Heh-heh. 228 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:17,820 Because you can forget ransom, now you and your friends will die here. 229 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:21,031 Yeah, speaking of forgetting, couple things. One, these aren't my friends. 230 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,660 Got that right. I mean her, yes, kind of, maybe... 231 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:27,287 - ...but there's a lot of weird sexual tension. - Ha! 232 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:30,999 But these other three, whatever, who cares? I mean, Noah's a slave. 233 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:34,586 Heh. Yeah, about that... Noah, not now. And two... 234 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,005 Aha! But I shoot gun many times... 235 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,426 ...and in all the excitement, I lose track myself. Ah. 236 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:44,346 So now you thinking, "Did he fire eight shots, or only...?" 237 00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:47,516 Four, idiot. So get your things, we're leaving. 238 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:51,895 Okay, can I just run up to my hovel quick and grab the only extant copy of my dissertation? 239 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:55,441 Noah, still got four bullets. Oh, God, do you know what "extant" means? 240 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,860 You know what "license to kill" means? 241 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,362 I'll write another one. 242 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,073 The world holds its breath. 243 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,872 Ray? Ray, come on honey, stay with me. 244 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,082 Ray? Ray? 245 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,292 Ray? 246 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,961 Not sure that's helping. Yeah? Well, neither are you! 247 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,713 Lana, I only have two hands. 248 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:19,590 What I don't have, is all day. 249 00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,467 There, I finished. Jeez, damn. 250 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,721 How you doing, Riley? How the hell do you think I'm doing? 251 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:29,725 Hey, relax, Nick Furious. Save your strength for flying the chopper. 252 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,479 And again, I'm just incredibly sorry. 253 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,898 What's your blood type? Heh. How would I know? 254 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,901 How would you not? Who am I, Karl Landsteiner? 255 00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:41,069 Discoverer of blood groups? 256 00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:44,573 You don't know your own blood type, but you know who discovered them. 257 00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:45,908 Yeah, now. 258 00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,577 Your exact words, Pam. 259 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:51,872 "Dr. Charles Drew, or I will eat a bag of dicks." 260 00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,249 Bring them. 261 00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:58,253 And not to diminish the accomplishments of Dr. Charles Drew, but... 262 00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:01,590 Goddamn it, Archer. Ray needs O-positive blood or he's gonna die. 263 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:04,760 So give him some of yours. I'm A-negative. 264 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,262 Hey, me too. And even if Riley is O-positive... 265 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:10,265 No, I'm A-negative too. Eh? Blow it up. 266 00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:13,435 - He's already a quart low, so... 267 00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:14,603 Oh... 268 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:17,397 Positive? Yeah. 269 00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:23,070 One of these days, I swear to God, I'm gonna burn this place straight down to the ground. 270 00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:24,279 Oh, my God, yes. 271 00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:26,657 What about this Sunday? 272 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:28,659 Unless you want people in here, in which case... 273 00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:34,957 Aah! Five-0. Five-0. 274 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,626 Cyril, never mind moving that money. 275 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:42,047 What money? Oh, really? You sure? Because all I need to do is just... 276 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,467 Re-evaluate your entire life. And yes, I'm sure. 277 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:49,638 Sterling can get himself out of this jam, for once. 278 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:54,601 Oh, and don't be here on Sunday, Pam. 279 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,979 Why just me? What's happening Sunday? 280 00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,482 Probably my grisly murder, because we still haven't found that password. 281 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,150 Did you try "guest"? 282 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,278 No, Pam, I didn't, because I'm not an id... 283 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:06,655 Oh, eat a dick. 284 00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:09,157 Bring it. 285 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,661 How much of my blood does he need? I don't know, 10 gills? 286 00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,329 What? U.S. Or imperial? 287 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:17,833 Just keep squeezing that gag-ball that I don't wanna know why you have. 288 00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,501 Uh, no, you do not. 289 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:23,380 You will never make it to the helicopter. My men will cut you down like dogs. 290 00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:27,175 Thanks, human shield. Although, where the hell are all your men? 291 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:28,343 Are you serious? 292 00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,304 They're all at the intramural lacrosse finals. 293 00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,555 The what? Ow! 294 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:35,183 Lana, shut up. That's today? Yeah, it's right now. Well, in 10 minutes. 295 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,476 - Who's playing? - Archer. 296 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,520 Uh, the Lax-mi Singhers... 297 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,647 They made it to the finals? Uh-huh. 298 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,482 - Versus the Archers of Loafcrosse. 299 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,776 What? That's my team. Archer. 300 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:47,821 Lana, I'm team captain. I built that team from nothing, and... 301 00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:50,198 Archer. Ray is dying. 302 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,326 Does that mean so must my dream? 303 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:57,164 I think it's great that for once you're getting out of a jam without your mother's help, but... 304 00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:00,834 Not for once, Lana. Hello? Columbia House. 305 00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:03,879 But remember earlier, when you said you and I were friends? 306 00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:07,341 Of course. I mean, I know we fight a lot, but... 307 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:11,053 God, now that I think about it, you're my only friend. 308 00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,387 Uh, wow. 309 00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:15,307 Right? Yes, Archer, because if you do this... 310 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,892 Please don't make me choose. 311 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:22,564 - I will never, ever forgive you, and we will never, ever be friends again. 312 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,405 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 313 00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:33,033 Birds-eye view of lacrosse! 314 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:36,703 Lana. Lana, we got the face-off. Hooray. 315 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,580 Now, can we please get out of here? 316 00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,458 Because we are totally vulnerable. 317 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,418 I know, look at our defenders. 318 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,921 He's not talking about the defenders. 319 00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,757 The crease, idiots! Guard the crease! 320 00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,592 Lurch, what are you doing? 321 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,428 Middies, come on, get in position! 322 00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:58,934 Oh, shit, they are. No, look, they're all bunched... Oh. Oh! 323 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:00,769 Incoming! 324 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,396 Yee... Oh, no! 325 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,731 Wait, Lana. Don't... Aah! 326 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:07,567 Get some! Get some, you sons of bitches! 327 00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:12,406 Suck it! No! 328 00:17:12,573 --> 00:17:14,199 Hang on. 329 00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,119 - Lana! - Archer! 330 00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:18,620 - What, Lana? - I... 331 00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:21,415 Nothing. I got you. 332 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,042 You got me. Well, that's just super. 333 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,877 What the hell is your problem? 334 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:29,506 My problem, Lana, is you just Bonnie and Clyded my starting middies. 335 00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:33,135 Archer, they were... Redshirt freshmen, Lana, who I was grooming. 336 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,429 But now I guess the Archers of Loafcrosse... 337 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:38,557 ...can forget about the South Pacific lacrosse championships! 338 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,560 Yeah, that's not a thing. If and when that becomes a thing! 339 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:45,981 Hey, here's a thing. Your mother doesn't know you ran away to be a pirate, so... 340 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,817 No. Lana, seriously, she... She would literally kill you. 341 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,403 Well, figurative... Yeah, literally. 342 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:55,824 So now, for the rest of your idiot life, I've got that on you. 343 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,159 Wow. Right? 344 00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,619 Oh, my God. 345 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:02,748 Just screw already. Seriously. 346 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,167 Then kill each other. And then shut up. 347 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:09,588 And then kill each other again. And call me, so I can watch you do it. 348 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,174 Sterling, I don't know how you did it, but... 349 00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,343 Well, except for Rip's eye, you got everyone home in one piece. 350 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:16,511 No thanks to you. 351 00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:19,222 Well, it's about time you did something on your own. 352 00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,641 Columbia House Record Club. 353 00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,394 Archer, the important thing is that we're home. 354 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:28,440 And that we spare Malory the details of your time on Pirate Island. 355 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,192 Why, what happened? 356 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:34,738 Nothing. Well, you know, besides a lot of, um, pretty horrific torture... 357 00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:38,116 ...which, Mother, if you had seen, would have broken your heart. 358 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,118 But why dwell on that? We're home. 359 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:43,789 And my mourning period for, um... Katya? 360 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:46,666 Is over. So, hey, it's a happy ending. 361 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,837 Yeah. Yeah, it's just a big old goddamn fairy tale. 362 00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:54,716 Fairy tale? Uh, phrasing? 363 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:58,553 Ray, I'm kidding. Don't be like that. 364 00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:02,224 Ugh, gross. Keep it moving, cripple. 365 00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:05,727 Shut up. Ray? Ray. 366 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,687 Ray? 367 00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:11,024 Oh, okay. Then I guess just pout. 30039

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