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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,972 Because this is what was there, Lana! 2 00:00:13,139 --> 00:00:15,391 There, where? Outside a clown college? 3 00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:18,937 They have those here? - I don't know! Archer, look out! 4 00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:23,107 We'll never catch him! - You should have thought about that... 5 00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:24,943 ...before you blew the damn drop! 6 00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:27,445 I blew jack shit! - Name dropper. 7 00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:30,573 And if you weren't so busy trying to bang that waitress... 8 00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:33,076 ...you'd have noticed that ODIN had agents in play! 9 00:00:33,243 --> 00:00:35,954 She was the hostess! If you weren't blinded by jealousy... 10 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,289 Yes, I'm jealous. - First step's admitting it. 11 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:40,625 Jealous that ODIN's gonna beat us again... 12 00:00:40,792 --> 00:00:43,419 ...thanks to your epic poon-houndery! - First of all... 13 00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:50,051 Oh! Oh, my God. - Great, good job. 14 00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,971 Shut up! ODIN doesn't beat Sterling Archer. 15 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:55,431 Only Sterling Archer beats... 16 00:00:58,935 --> 00:01:01,813 - Did you wanna finish that? - Did you wanna finish... 17 00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:04,190 ...shutting your big fat, negative-wordsy mouth? 18 00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:07,318 Whose fat mouth told the stupid waitress he was an ISIS agent? 19 00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:08,820 Hostess. And I had a plan. 20 00:01:08,987 --> 00:01:13,283 What, to get laid in the walk-in? - Also. Because I'm not an ant, Lana. 21 00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:17,287 I happen to see the big picture. - Oh, really? Well, then where's... 22 00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:21,958 ...Kasparov? Okay, that was a fluke. - Ha, ha. 23 00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:24,586 Yeah, a fluke of nature. Because I happen to have... 24 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:27,130 ...perfect situational awareness, Lana. - Archer. 25 00:01:27,297 --> 00:01:29,340 - Which cannot be taught, by the way. - Archer. 26 00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:31,843 Like a poet's mind for... - Archer. 27 00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:33,845 Archer! - To make the perfect word. 28 00:01:34,012 --> 00:01:35,847 Archer! - Goddamn it, I'm relishing the... 29 00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:44,230 Ow. Way to go, Lana. Nice warning. - Nice relishing. Ow. 30 00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:47,942 Oh. Think that was ODIN? - No, it's only you that beats you, buddy. 31 00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:50,919 - Hey, gang. - Barry. 32 00:01:50,987 --> 00:01:53,031 Gee, thanks for helping us catch Kasparov. 33 00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,450 - ODIN appreciates the assist. - Yeah. 34 00:01:55,617 --> 00:01:58,036 And if you ever get tired of playing JV ball... 35 00:01:58,202 --> 00:02:00,538 ...you know where to find us. - Oh, yeah, uh, where's that? 36 00:02:00,705 --> 00:02:03,499 Um, dick town? Ha, ha. 37 00:02:03,708 --> 00:02:05,627 Jesus, even their cards are nice. 38 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,379 Lana, look at this. It's embossed. 39 00:02:08,838 --> 00:02:12,216 Oh, okay. Then, I guess, just pout. 40 00:02:50,505 --> 00:02:52,590 That was the mayor of Paris... - Name dropper. 41 00:02:52,757 --> 00:02:55,760 ...Who was just as eager as I am to know why ISIS agents... 42 00:02:55,927 --> 00:02:57,428 ...were terrorizing Paris! 43 00:02:57,595 --> 00:03:00,723 So I crashed a few cop cars, ran over a few mimes! 44 00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:03,976 So I don't play by the rules, Mother, but I get results! 45 00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:06,270 Well, as long as you got Kasparov. 46 00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:08,898 Oh, uh, yeah, about that... 47 00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:11,984 That's why she can't have nice things. 48 00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:14,362 Either that or I steal them. What? - Hm? What's that? 49 00:03:14,529 --> 00:03:17,073 Hm? What do you want? I'm a little busy for chitchat. 50 00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:19,617 Busy trying to turn that thing on? - Look at this! 51 00:03:19,784 --> 00:03:22,870 O-N. Nothing. - Well, just keep at it. 52 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:25,456 - You're not my supervisor! - I'm sorry, what? 53 00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:27,834 He sort of offered me a job at ODIN. 54 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,043 Barry Dillon? - Uh... 55 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:31,546 Barry "We have this whole huge history together" Dillon? 56 00:03:31,713 --> 00:03:33,798 We don't have this whole huge history. 57 00:03:33,965 --> 00:03:37,218 Oh. Oh, my God. Barry. - Oh, yeah, right. Pretty sweet, huh? 58 00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:40,388 Using a mirror to reflect the laser beam back into the laser? 59 00:03:40,555 --> 00:03:42,890 Oh, my God! - Yeah, sorry, it took so long. 60 00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:46,310 And that I'm accidentally inside you. - Not a problem. 61 00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:49,814 But... - I just wanna keep my options open! 62 00:03:49,981 --> 00:03:52,275 So you can't breathe a word of this to Malory. 63 00:03:52,442 --> 00:03:54,152 You know how she gets. 64 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,612 - ODIN? - Well, since I'm not appreciated here... 65 00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,239 What's to appreciate? 66 00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:01,159 Exactly! That's indicative of your whole attitude, Mother! 67 00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,870 Sterling Malory Archer, you are... 68 00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:08,750 ...of course free to pursue your options. - My... Wait, hang on. 69 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:12,253 And if ODIN made you a better offer, what kind of mother would I be... 70 00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,172 ...if I stood in the way of your happiness? 71 00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:17,008 Uh... Wait, what just happened here? 72 00:04:17,175 --> 00:04:19,677 Fine! She thinks I won't go? Well, guess what! 73 00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:22,472 I don't need her! - I, however, do need your keycard. 74 00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:25,600 Yeah, hi, Barry Dillon please? Yes, I'll hold! 75 00:04:25,767 --> 00:04:28,436 Oh, and just wait till I get to ODIN. 76 00:04:28,603 --> 00:04:30,104 I will. Keycard? 77 00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:31,647 Oh. Here! God! 78 00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:34,025 They are the stuff-throwingest family. 79 00:04:34,192 --> 00:04:36,861 Okay, so after I call your vase guy... 80 00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:40,364 Freeze every one of his accounts! And then get me Woodhouse. 81 00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:43,034 And we'll just see how tough Sterling is... 82 00:04:43,201 --> 00:04:46,496 ...when he can't suckle at my teat! - Ugh. 83 00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,664 Woodhouse, she froze my accounts... 84 00:04:48,831 --> 00:04:52,418 ...and I need to get in my safe, so open the goddamn door already! 85 00:04:52,585 --> 00:04:54,003 I'm afraid I can't... 86 00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:56,672 ...since ISIS actually pays the rent on the... 87 00:04:58,049 --> 00:05:01,385 Aah! Damn it! When did we get a bulletproof door? 88 00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:03,387 After the Popeye incident, sir. 89 00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,015 Oh, right. Wait, so you kick me out of my own house? 90 00:05:06,182 --> 00:05:08,976 Yes, sir. Although it pains me dearly. 91 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:10,895 I'm gonna pain you dearly, Woodhouse! 92 00:05:11,062 --> 00:05:15,149 When I peel all your skin off with a flensing knife, sew it into Woodhouse pajamas... 93 00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:18,110 ...and then set those pajamas on fire! 94 00:05:19,779 --> 00:05:22,740 Hello? - It's just you and me now, Reggie. 95 00:05:22,907 --> 00:05:25,576 So be a lad, put on some Mingus. 96 00:05:26,244 --> 00:05:27,662 Hi, Barry Dillon, please? 97 00:05:27,829 --> 00:05:31,499 Yes, it's Sterling Archer... Oh. Yes, I'll hold! 98 00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:34,252 Oh, come on! 99 00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,587 We've got MIG in the semis on Sunday... 100 00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:39,590 ...and I am slicing it like a butcher. - Just keep at it. 101 00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:41,592 I think it's this new grip. - So listen. 102 00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:45,429 Remember how you wanted me to float that job offer to Lana Kane? 103 00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,432 Love her, yeah. When does she start? - Right? 104 00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:51,269 That's the thing. See, I think Sterling Archer thought... 105 00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:53,771 ...I was talking to him. - Archer? You're kidding! 106 00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:56,440 I wish. I mean, obviously the guy's great in the field. 107 00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:59,235 Ha-ha-ha. Well, you would know. - Now, see. Why do you do that? 108 00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:01,737 Why do you softball them in like that? 109 00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:05,658 I'm sorry, how's the leg? - Hurts when it rains. 110 00:06:05,825 --> 00:06:09,287 And when I think about Archer, and so I blew him off. 111 00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:12,415 No, no, no, Barry, you blow him on! 112 00:06:12,582 --> 00:06:15,626 "On" as in hire him? As in here? - Yes! 113 00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,962 It'll drive his mother crazy. 114 00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:23,593 Gotta be the grip. 115 00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:28,598 And you froze all of Sterling's accounts? 116 00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:32,143 Domestic and foreign? - Even the one on the Isle of Man. 117 00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:33,430 Oh, my God, is that, like... 118 00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:34,812 ...Whore Island for women? - No. 119 00:06:34,979 --> 00:06:36,814 Then you just watch, in no time... 120 00:06:36,981 --> 00:06:39,984 ...he'll be begging me to take him back. 121 00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:43,946 He hasn't called, has he? - No. How you holding up, Mama Bird? 122 00:06:44,113 --> 00:06:48,159 Well, except for your grossly over-familiar tone, I couldn't be happier. 123 00:06:48,326 --> 00:06:54,123 Even if Mr. Archer gets a job at ODIN? - Oh, please. ODIN won't hire him. 124 00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:56,751 After the stunt he pulled in Berlin? 125 00:06:56,918 --> 00:06:59,295 - Well, whose fault is that, Barry? - Yours. 126 00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:01,672 You bust in, shoot two good double agents... 127 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,508 And you think an appropriate response is to ruin my suit? 128 00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,928 Oh, and my shirt. - I'm sorry. 129 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:10,181 So will you please just help me up? 130 00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:11,849 No. 131 00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:14,685 For which I am pretty genuinely sorry. 132 00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:16,187 Nothing two steel rods... 133 00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:20,191 ...and 16 titanium screws couldn't fix. - Come on, don't be shitty. 134 00:07:20,358 --> 00:07:22,526 Yeah, Barry. - It's water under the bridge. 135 00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:25,696 Yeah, Barry. - Because he's part of the family now. 136 00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:28,282 So go put his stuff in his office. - Yeah, Barry. 137 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,576 Barry, hi. 138 00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:34,705 So I was wondering if your tempting offer was still open. 139 00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:40,711 No, you silly man. About the job. 140 00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:43,839 No, just keeping my options open. 141 00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:47,635 Definitely come in. I mean, we did kind of fill the position... 142 00:07:47,802 --> 00:07:51,555 ...but I don't know if it's gonna be a good fit. 143 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,891 I just don't see why you need this. 144 00:07:54,058 --> 00:07:56,519 Because this is a huge opportunity for me... 145 00:07:56,686 --> 00:07:58,854 ...and I need to feel confident. 146 00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,815 In the interview? 147 00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,651 Uh-huh. - Oh, that looks great. 148 00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:05,027 Yeah, it feels pretty good. 149 00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:08,030 So come on already, take a cut. - What, like, out the window? 150 00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:11,242 Don't worry about it. I get a deal on those, 90 cents a ball. 151 00:08:11,409 --> 00:08:13,411 Um, okay. 152 00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:16,414 God, you're a natural. 153 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:20,418 Bet it's all that lacrosse at boarding school. - Yeah, 13 years' worth. 154 00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:25,047 Thirteen years? What, she ship you off in kindergarten? 155 00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:29,176 Ahem. Gosh, that must've been tough. - No, I... I loved it. Um... 156 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,262 Made a lot of good friends. 157 00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:35,766 Family, almost, is what they were. 158 00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:38,936 Speaking of, how's your mother taking all this? 159 00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:41,605 Oh, please, I bet she doesn't even miss me. 160 00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:44,775 Because he'll be back, crying for his mommy. 161 00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:47,278 Just like that Christmas break when I moved... 162 00:08:47,445 --> 00:08:50,781 ...and forgot to give my new address to his stupid boarding school. 163 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,492 I mean, he rode the train into the city all by himself. 164 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:57,371 He couldn't pick up a phone book? Nine years old, and bawling... 165 00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,999 ...in that police station like a little girl. 166 00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:03,294 Ha! What's that tell you? - Kind of a lot, actually. 167 00:09:03,461 --> 00:09:05,796 Oh, shut up. I bet you're barren. 168 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:09,008 My God. On Christmas? - Well, Christmas Eve, technically. 169 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,802 Well, the lovely Framboise from HR... 170 00:09:11,969 --> 00:09:14,221 ...has some paperwork for you to sign. 171 00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:17,808 So why don't you follow her on down... 172 00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:19,810 ...to your big new corner office. - Okay. 173 00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:22,980 Where the sofa is soaked in Scotchgard. 174 00:09:23,147 --> 00:09:24,815 It, uh... - If you know what I mean. 175 00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,902 Yeah, I think I do. - It's resistant to stains. 176 00:09:28,069 --> 00:09:29,820 Right, right, I got it. - Super. 177 00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:32,656 Because we're one big family. 178 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:33,866 Ugh. 179 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,327 Why do you make that sound? - Gee, let's see. 180 00:09:36,494 --> 00:09:37,912 You're off to interview with ODIN... 181 00:09:38,079 --> 00:09:41,457 ...home of Barry "Oh, I forgot to mention the naked laser thing" Dillon. 182 00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:45,836 ODIN isn't some co-ed freshman dorm where everyone runs around screwing. 183 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,922 I'm sorry, Framboise, it's not you. 184 00:09:48,089 --> 00:09:51,675 I mean, it's not me, either, obviously. But in the office... 185 00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,804 You don't sex on the women at ISIS? - Constantly, but... 186 00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:57,598 ...you know, it's not allowed. It's probably illegal. 187 00:09:57,765 --> 00:10:00,476 But here... - Here we are one big famille. 188 00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:06,148 Yeah, and the, uh, famille thing actually makes this borderline creepy. 189 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:09,819 Perhaps if you tried it from behind? - Yeah, let's try that. 190 00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:12,655 Don't get any on that snappy suit. 191 00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:16,534 Don't you have better things to do than mince around and gawk? 192 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,370 About a million. But Cheryl was scared to come in here... 193 00:10:19,537 --> 00:10:22,498 ...so I took time out of my busy mincing schedule... 194 00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,542 ...to tell you that you have a phone call. 195 00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:28,212 Is it Sterling? - I am sure I don't know. 196 00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:31,882 Do you know you're a little bitch? - Will you remember this conversation? 197 00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:34,552 Probably not, no. - Well, then **** off. 198 00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:37,847 Whoa, whoa with the language. You kiss your mother with that mouth? 199 00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,390 You leave Bub out of this. 200 00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:42,059 And how dare you steal my son away from me? 201 00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:44,979 Steal him? You cut him loose. - You out him loose! 202 00:10:45,146 --> 00:10:48,065 What? - I want you to fire him, this instant. 203 00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:51,735 No, no, I can't do that. He's happy here, he's making new friends. 204 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:54,405 Goddamn it, Archer! - What, Barry? 205 00:10:54,572 --> 00:10:57,408 I said don't come in here. Framboise, what'd I say? 206 00:10:57,575 --> 00:11:00,494 He said do not come in. - Yeah, Barry. 207 00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,746 I don't care if he's happy. - That's obvious. 208 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:05,916 Meaning what, exactly? - Meaning, who leaves a 9-year-old kid... 209 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:08,669 ...in a police station on Christmas? - Eve. 210 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:12,214 And he told you about that? - Oh, we've had such great talks. 211 00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:15,092 Fire him! - Join him. Come work for me. 212 00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:17,928 Have you lost your mind? - Every time I see you. 213 00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,555 Fire him. - Can't do it. 214 00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:22,099 Can't or won't? 215 00:11:22,266 --> 00:11:25,603 Either? - Fine. Then go check your Telex. 216 00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:29,857 Oh, my God. A burn notice? - Look at that. 217 00:11:30,024 --> 00:11:33,652 "ISIS disavows Agent Sterling Archer, a.k.a. Duchess." 218 00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:36,614 Man, she loved that dog... - "Who is to be considered... 219 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:39,742 ...an unreliable asset and security risk." 220 00:11:39,909 --> 00:11:42,036 Oh, it must have killed her to do this. 221 00:11:42,203 --> 00:11:44,622 Ha, ha. And I'm smirking. - No, you don't smirk... 222 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:47,041 ...at a mother's suffering, Barry, you asshole! 223 00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:51,462 Ow! It's just, with the shattered femur, and the gunshot wound... 224 00:11:51,629 --> 00:11:54,632 ...and I don't know if you knew this, but Framboise and I were... 225 00:11:54,798 --> 00:11:57,468 ...kind of engaged. - I did not know that. 226 00:11:57,635 --> 00:12:00,304 Yeah. - And I served her up like a pudding. 227 00:12:00,471 --> 00:12:03,098 Barry. - Well, engaged to be engaged. Ow! 228 00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:06,977 Ass. If you love it, put a ring on it. Okay, so you go fix this. 229 00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:09,063 You know, I'm not even sure I want to now. 230 00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:11,482 She was obviously into him. Mother... - Ass. 231 00:12:11,649 --> 00:12:14,193 Not Framboise. Archer. - The burn notice? 232 00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:16,153 His mother just sent that to... 233 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,114 - To every agency on the planet. - CIA, MI6, Interpol. 234 00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:22,618 We can't keep him now, Barry. - Oh. So... 235 00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:25,621 So you take him to the basement, you put one in his ear. 236 00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:29,500 Can you do that? - Oh, my God. 237 00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:32,962 That Framboise is a freak, huh? - Yeah. 238 00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,506 Yeah, I can do that. 239 00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:40,177 No, as a matter of fact... 240 00:12:40,344 --> 00:12:43,681 - ...I don't have Barry on speed dial. - Well, that's rather surprising. 241 00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,308 Know what's surprising? Kissing you at the airport... 242 00:12:46,475 --> 00:12:50,604 ...dozing off in first class, then seeing you on my flight when I get up to pee! 243 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:54,650 That, to me, is rather surprising. - And really expensive, turns out. 244 00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:55,859 Just... - Ha, ha. 245 00:12:57,653 --> 00:13:00,030 Seriously. I mean, I don't wanna sound like a jerk... 246 00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:04,285 ...but that Framboise chick must have been a prostitute before she got this gig. 247 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,911 In, like, Bangkok. - Ahem. 248 00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:07,663 I was almost embarrassed for her. 249 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,665 Where we going? - We are heading down... 250 00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:12,001 ...to sub-basement three. - Is there a shower? 251 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,752 Because I bet I just, like, reek of her. 252 00:13:15,129 --> 00:13:17,423 One second. Dillon. - Oh, Barry, you getting that? 253 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:20,676 Really? - I'm brushing it your way, Barry. 254 00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:23,512 No, I'm actually at the lobby right now. Two seconds. 255 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,974 So wait, where are we on that shower? - Head on back up to your office. 256 00:13:27,141 --> 00:13:29,476 There's actually a private bathroom in there. 257 00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:32,855 Oh, good. Because, like I said, I bet I just reek. 258 00:13:33,022 --> 00:13:34,982 Yeah, you've mentioned that. 259 00:13:35,149 --> 00:13:37,276 No. Baby, I am putting you in the corner... 260 00:13:37,443 --> 00:13:39,528 ...where you will sit quietly. - Hey, you. 261 00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:42,114 Hey, you. - And who are you? 262 00:13:42,281 --> 00:13:44,408 Cyril Figgis, ISIS comptroller and... 263 00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:47,328 And very eager to sit here quietly in the corner... 264 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,912 ...because he is so tired. 265 00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:52,416 Um, so I'll just be here, then? 266 00:13:52,583 --> 00:13:53,834 Yeah? - Yeah. 267 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:56,378 No, no, no! 268 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,922 Who put out a burn notice on Sterling? 269 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:00,758 That would be you. - What? 270 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:06,430 Ha-ha-ha. Holy shit, the look on your face. - But I would never. Not in a million... 271 00:14:06,597 --> 00:14:10,100 - Get a mirror. - Oh, dear God, did I drink absinthe? 272 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:13,812 That bottle and most of this one. - Until we wrestled it away from you. 273 00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:16,607 Because you don't know how to share, beyotch. 274 00:14:16,774 --> 00:14:19,401 Easy, tough guy. - I don't remember any of that. 275 00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,445 Absinthe makes me black out. 276 00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:27,159 All right, you yellow sons of bitches. 277 00:14:27,326 --> 00:14:28,869 Let's dance. 278 00:14:30,329 --> 00:14:33,582 It also makes you incredibly mean. - And ugly. 279 00:14:33,749 --> 00:14:35,918 Seriously. Danger zone. - Beyotch. 280 00:14:36,085 --> 00:14:38,670 Well, don't just sit there. Undo this. - Ooh. 281 00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:43,092 "Ooh" what? - We can't, Ms. Archer. It's too late. 282 00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:46,220 I'm sorry, so, what are you saying? - I, uh... 283 00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:50,641 Can you not give me a minute? - No. You fire me, I take my things. 284 00:14:50,808 --> 00:14:53,185 Take all the things! Here, take this! 285 00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:55,312 Go staple my heart back together! 286 00:14:57,815 --> 00:14:59,858 How am I the bad guy in this? 287 00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:03,153 So, Barry. - Huh? That was Framboise, our head of HR. 288 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,864 With whom I guess I won't be meeting? - No, she's gone. 289 00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:09,243 And so, remember how I said we'd just hired someone? 290 00:15:09,410 --> 00:15:13,163 Yes. - And so remember Sterling Archer? 291 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,998 Wait, wait, wait, Lana. 292 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:18,335 Barry, if you touch me, I swear to God I will put you in the ground. 293 00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:21,088 That was before his mother put out a burn notice on him. 294 00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:23,132 What? Malory burned Archer? 295 00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:25,008 Worldwide. - Holy shit. 296 00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:28,971 Yeah, so he's gone. - Already? Like, literally gone? 297 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,308 Oh, my God. I liked her better mean. 298 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:36,728 He's gone. I killed my baby boy... 299 00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:39,606 ...and now my baby is gone! 300 00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:43,735 Oh, now, you can always... - Always what? 301 00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:47,281 Well, I was gonna say you can have another baby... 302 00:15:47,448 --> 00:15:50,033 ...but you're all dried up in there. 303 00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:53,620 No, no, no, like, figuratively gone. Unlike Framboise... 304 00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:57,207 ...whose car should be blowing up any minute. 305 00:15:57,875 --> 00:15:58,876 Oh! 306 00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:00,169 Ooh-la-la! - Uh... 307 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:05,716 May I help you avec your box? 308 00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:09,052 So Archer's still here? - Yeah, he's in that corner office. 309 00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:11,805 And once Facilities cleans his brains out of it... 310 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,557 ...it can be your office. - Really? 311 00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:16,018 I don't think the cleaning staff does brains. 312 00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:18,312 I mean, you shoot him and I get an office... 313 00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:21,732 ...overlooking the Champs-Elysées? - And the bank where you'll drive... 314 00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:24,610 ...your new company car to deposit your insane paychecks... 315 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:28,071 ...and maybe, if you stand on those tiptoes, your huge apartment. 316 00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:31,575 Huge as in...? - As in you won't see your live-in servants... 317 00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:34,745 ...unless you really want to. Let me go shoot this prick. 318 00:16:34,912 --> 00:16:36,955 Wait. Let me do it. - Really? 319 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:40,250 Because I would kind of love to. - Not as much as I would. 320 00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,545 You guys kind of have a history, huh? - Yeah, you could say that. 321 00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:46,590 Knock yourself out. - These servants, if I did see them... 322 00:16:46,757 --> 00:16:51,220 ...would they curtsy meekly? - Heh. Well, otherwise, what's the point? 323 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:54,848 Archer! 324 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,695 Come on. Lana, why the hell are...? 325 00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,102 Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lana, no! 326 00:17:00,938 --> 00:17:03,357 Barry, does this make up for Framboise? 327 00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:06,360 It does, Other Barry, it sure does. 328 00:17:06,527 --> 00:17:09,696 Barry? I guess, go ahead and call Facilities or whatever. 329 00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:13,867 Because there is lamp everywhere. 330 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:17,120 - God, Lana! Get on with your life already! - Oh! 331 00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,541 Telex. You got one in here? - Why, so you can smash that too? 332 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,543 No. - I'm pretty sure I'm financially... 333 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:26,129 ...responsible for the furnishings. - So I can send a telex from ODIN... 334 00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:29,800 ...to make the burn notice from your mother look like an ODIN black flag. 335 00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:31,718 Mother burned me? - Apparently. 336 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,637 Oh, my God, that's classic her. 337 00:17:33,804 --> 00:17:36,098 You're both classic her. Shut up, get dressed... 338 00:17:36,265 --> 00:17:37,975 ...and grab the keys to that car. 339 00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:42,062 We've got about two minutes before some ODIN dick sees this and seals the exits. 340 00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,231 Any way we can bump that to five? 341 00:17:44,398 --> 00:17:45,816 I need a shower. - Archer! 342 00:17:45,983 --> 00:17:49,278 Okay, God. Climb down off that rag. 343 00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:52,322 Oh, my God, looks like Jonestown in here. 344 00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:56,910 Yes, Pam. Get me some poison. Because I am already dead inside. 345 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,079 Too dead inside to read good news? 346 00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:01,832 Is it my obituary? - Well, it's not that good. 347 00:18:01,999 --> 00:18:03,792 Give me that, you oaf! 348 00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:05,419 "All agencies... 349 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:08,714 ...disregard ISIS burn notice on Agent Archer... 350 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,591 ...a.k.a. Duchess." 351 00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:14,511 An ODIN black flag operation! 352 00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:17,931 Pam, he's alive. My Sterling is alive. 353 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,434 Oh. And look at happy little Mama Bird. 354 00:18:20,601 --> 00:18:23,604 Well, the blowback on ODIN for this will be huge. 355 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,356 And I saw it coming. I knew it. - Uh-huh. 356 00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:29,693 Just like I knew Sterling would come crying back to mommy... 357 00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:32,070 ...wiping his snotty nose on his sleeve... 358 00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:35,240 ...like a scared little boy on Christmas. - Uh-huh. 359 00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:37,868 Eve. It was only Christmas Eve. 360 00:18:38,035 --> 00:18:40,412 - I know. Good to have you back. - And...? 361 00:18:40,579 --> 00:18:43,290 And...? - And do you just plan to loom over me... 362 00:18:43,457 --> 00:18:47,711 ...all day, like some sort of henge? - Okay. 363 00:18:47,878 --> 00:18:50,297 Well, you see? This is why. 364 00:18:50,464 --> 00:18:52,966 This is why we can't have nice things. 365 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,969 Barry, you asshole! 366 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:59,890 How am I the bad guy in this? - Because I wanted this, Archer. 367 00:19:00,057 --> 00:19:02,225 I'm sick of you getting the best assignments... 368 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:05,812 ...just because your mother is the boss. Do you know what that's like? 369 00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,231 Besides awesome? - Oh! 370 00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:12,486 Hang on, I think my car's on P-2. - Well, I have to get Cyril, who's on... 371 00:19:12,653 --> 00:19:15,322 Framboise, hello. - Hello. 372 00:19:15,489 --> 00:19:18,450 Oh, man. That's bad. 373 00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:24,206 - Yes, now. Let's talk this out. - Talk what out? 374 00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:26,333 How you ruined my chance to work for ODIN? 375 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:29,336 Or, ooh, maybe how I just caught my boyfriend... 376 00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:32,172 ...balls-deep in some French chick. - Ex-boyfriend, I bet. 377 00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:34,966 You think? - Yeah, he's not coming back. 378 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,344 That chick was like the Pele of anal. 379 00:19:37,511 --> 00:19:39,513 Archer? - Sorry, I know this is tough. 380 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:43,767 I mean, Cyril, whatever, but your feelings for me are obviously conflicted... 381 00:19:43,934 --> 00:19:46,103 You're right, Archer, I am conflicted. 382 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:49,272 Because if I had shot you in the face, I'd be living here. 383 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:52,859 Getting curtsied at by servants. - Yeah, but you couldn't do it. 384 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:56,780 Maybe we both belong at ISIS, you know? 385 00:19:56,947 --> 00:19:59,491 Maybe that's our real home. - That's what Mother said... 386 00:19:59,658 --> 00:20:02,244 ...about boarding school. And really, sorry about Cyril. 387 00:20:02,411 --> 00:20:04,454 Me too. - Even if you brought it on yourself. 388 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,165 Excuse me? - Oh, come on, I don't recall ever seeing... 389 00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:09,459 ...a welcome mat at your back door. - Archer. 390 00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:12,963 But wait, would that cheer you up? Me and you, a little revenge-anal? 391 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:14,297 Archer? - Yes? 392 00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,675 You wearing a seatbelt? - Uh, no, why...? 393 00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:26,518 So, uh, is that a yes, or a maybe, or...? 394 00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,186 What? 395 00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:32,065 Oh, okay. Then, I guess, just pout. 33496

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