All language subtitles for Archer S01E06 Skorpio 1080p Blu-ray DTS x264-CtrlHD (1).eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,128 --> 00:00:05,298 I get to go to the French Riviera on the ISIS dime to do what? 2 00:00:05,465 --> 00:00:07,800 Locate a stolen shipment of Redeye missiles... 3 00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:12,055 ...and kill the arms dealer trying to sell them, Spirodon Skorpio. 4 00:00:12,222 --> 00:00:13,932 Whoa, what, is diabetes busy? 5 00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:18,186 Don't underestimate Skorpio. There's a reason the bounty on him is so high. 6 00:00:18,353 --> 00:00:21,606 Like, high enough to redo my kitchen? - Ugh. What did I tell you? 7 00:00:21,773 --> 00:00:25,026 That Saltillo tile is terrible for a kitchen because it's so porous. 8 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:28,404 And Mexican whore-house-y. So I'm sure your cook feels at home. 9 00:00:28,571 --> 00:00:31,282 Hey, Pita isn't a whore. - Not until you got a hold of her. 10 00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:33,910 First of all... - Oh, shut up. The bounty on Skorpio... 11 00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:37,121 ...is more than enough for a new kitchen... - I also have the nook... 12 00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:41,209 And the rest you can set aside for Pita's inevitable medical expenses. 13 00:00:41,376 --> 00:00:43,628 Ugh. Like, one time that happened. 14 00:00:43,795 --> 00:00:45,964 It's pretty late. Why don't you take a cab? 15 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:49,050 Mr. Sterling? I have problem. 16 00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,260 I'll pay for it. 17 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,721 Again? Seriously, Pita... 18 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:58,726 You're killing me here. Again? This was supposed to be coconut shrimp. 19 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:02,480 One, three times. But it's the Pope's fault she won't let me wear a condom. 20 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:06,276 Why don't you wear a vasectomy? - This again? Don't you want a grandkid? 21 00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:10,321 Well, if I did, I'd just scrape all your previous mishaps into a big pile... 22 00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:13,491 ...and knit a onesie for it. - Jesus Christ. 23 00:01:13,658 --> 00:01:16,202 Sorry, I've been fasting and I'm edgy. - Still though... 24 00:01:16,369 --> 00:01:18,997 Sterling. - Okay. If there's money left... 25 00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:21,124 ...after the kitchen, then vasectomy maybe. 26 00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:22,625 You do want the assignment? 27 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:25,628 Yeah, I want it. - You really, really, really want it? 28 00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:27,005 Yes. I really want it. 29 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:28,840 Well, too bad. Because guess what. 30 00:01:29,007 --> 00:01:30,174 Womp-womp. 31 00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:32,844 Why does she get the mission? - Because I said so. 32 00:01:33,011 --> 00:01:34,929 Either way, we have a plane to catch. 33 00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:36,306 We? Why are you going? 34 00:01:36,472 --> 00:01:39,517 I'm going to, um, a conference? 35 00:01:39,684 --> 00:01:42,270 Oh, well, isn't that convenient? 36 00:01:42,437 --> 00:01:45,690 If you think that's convenient, wait till you see my new kitchen. 37 00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:50,111 Ha! Seriously though, you should look through some of her design catalogs. 38 00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:24,062 So, zoom, you're just jetting off to France? 39 00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,606 Isn't that kind of sudden? - No, baby. 40 00:02:26,773 --> 00:02:29,567 Sudden is wanting to move in with somebody after four months. 41 00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:31,903 Talking. Just talking about it. 42 00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:34,947 You know, I mean, jeez, I moved in with my last girlfriend... 43 00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:37,367 ...after four weeks. - What are you, a lesbian? 44 00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:40,203 Why, would you be into that? Just curious. 45 00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:44,832 Which was an odd word choice right there, and am I talking out loud? 46 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:48,169 Now remember, I want the entire data system on those new servers... 47 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:50,880 ...or I will just make it rain pink slips. 48 00:02:51,047 --> 00:02:53,132 I'm not doing that. - That's a poor motivator. 49 00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:56,094 Lana, I want you to call or text me at the top of every hour. 50 00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:59,055 I'll call or text at the... - I'm gonna be kind of busy, hon. 51 00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:00,723 Well, it's all on this schedule. 52 00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:03,601 Oh, no, honey. The doors are closing and I didn't get the... 53 00:03:03,768 --> 00:03:05,228 Oh, so close. 54 00:03:05,395 --> 00:03:07,939 So your conference wouldn't be for control freaks... 55 00:03:08,106 --> 00:03:12,610 ...who micro-manage everything, would it? - What? No, that's not why I'm... 56 00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:16,239 But look, you be careful with Skorpio. He won't hesitate to kill you. 57 00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:20,243 Unless I get smothered to death. - Oh. That's just pathetic. 58 00:03:20,410 --> 00:03:24,956 But even though Cyril may be clingy... - Oh. Saran Wrap could take a lesson. 59 00:03:25,123 --> 00:03:28,501 ...You used to complain constantly that Sterling was emotionally distant. 60 00:03:28,668 --> 00:03:30,336 Yeah, I was just being nice, though. 61 00:03:30,503 --> 00:03:34,257 I wonder if he's like that because I used to spank him with a wooden spoon. 62 00:03:34,424 --> 00:03:38,469 Uh... Yeah, I don't know about that, but it might explain the ping-pong paddle. 63 00:03:40,138 --> 00:03:42,473 My point is, dear, you can trust Cyril. 64 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,976 Now you go have a fun assassination. 65 00:03:45,143 --> 00:03:48,438 Okay, and you go have fun at your thing. 66 00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:52,525 Oh, I will. Bye, dear. Did you rent a boat? 67 00:03:52,692 --> 00:03:57,113 Da, is very... Ahem. Pretty nice boat. 68 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,657 It better be, Mr. Sex-Tape. 69 00:03:59,824 --> 00:04:03,494 And you, scuff that luggage, and I'll out your hamstrings for you. 70 00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:07,373 I think we're making some progress. - Where, in opposite-world? 71 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:11,669 We're never gonna finish all this. - We can, if certain people would help. 72 00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:15,798 I'm sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in... 73 00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:19,635 ...Fort Kickass. - Ugh! Mr. Archer, you could help. 74 00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:22,221 Hey, I'm helping Cyril. Text her again. 75 00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:25,183 I am, if you'd shut up. - And really pour out your feelings. 76 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:28,144 - Don't listen to him, he's just trying to... - Shut up! 77 00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:30,480 Cyril, bare your soul. 78 00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:34,901 So, heh-heh, did I say is nice boat, or what? 79 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:37,069 Yes, Nikolai, you certainly did... 80 00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:40,031 ...which hopefully explains my shock at finding myself... 81 00:04:40,198 --> 00:04:41,657 ...aboard the Chum Guzzler. 82 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,453 I am just getting that. 83 00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:48,039 Well, I know what you're not getting. 84 00:04:48,206 --> 00:04:51,375 Give it. I'm serious. Give me my phone. - No, get off. Cut it out. 85 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,711 Cyril, goddamn it, you're smothering Lana. 86 00:04:53,878 --> 00:04:56,714 Pam, I will hit you in the face. Aha-ha-ow! 87 00:04:56,881 --> 00:05:00,468 Don't listen to her, Cyril. If there's one thing women totally love... 88 00:05:00,635 --> 00:05:02,386 ...it's to be smothered by men. 89 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,139 Heh. Like you'd know. - Or choked, in your case. 90 00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:07,433 Cyril, trust me. Give her some space. 91 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,520 But why hasn't she called? I mean, what if she's in danger? 92 00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,126 - Or... Or... - Cyril, come on. 93 00:05:12,522 --> 00:05:14,732 Worst-case scenario, her cover got blown... 94 00:05:14,899 --> 00:05:16,901 ...and Skorpio's raping her senseless... - Oh! 95 00:05:17,068 --> 00:05:19,570 ...before he chops her battered corpse into fish food. 96 00:05:19,737 --> 00:05:21,864 What is wrong with you? - How can you say that? 97 00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:23,574 What? I said "worst-case." 98 00:05:24,951 --> 00:05:27,286 Leave that to your field agent. 99 00:05:27,453 --> 00:05:29,789 Why must you always micro-manage? 100 00:05:29,956 --> 00:05:32,333 I don't. And if you will recall... 101 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,794 ...I used to be an excellent field agent. 102 00:05:34,961 --> 00:05:37,839 Da, is why I fall in love with you. 103 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,633 My God, Kolya, we were so young. 104 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:44,053 Young and in love, and in Berlin. 105 00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:48,349 On that magical moonlit night, beneath the Bridge of Spies. 106 00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:52,270 The night before you break my heart, and disappear for nine months. 107 00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:57,149 Kolya, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. 108 00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:59,193 What is in this drink? 109 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,113 Sorry, is ice from cooler. 110 00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:05,658 - Somehow it got butter all over it. - Aah! 111 00:06:05,867 --> 00:06:07,952 Hey, don't be queen of drama. 112 00:06:08,119 --> 00:06:10,746 That wasn't me, you idiot. 113 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:13,541 Oh, dear God. 114 00:06:16,294 --> 00:06:17,336 Cyril, give it to me. - I bet that's Lana. 115 00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:20,298 It's my phone. Pam put yours in the blender. - Come on. 116 00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:23,885 - It's called tough love, Cyril. - The secret ingredient is phone. 117 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:27,680 Hello. Mother. What? Really? 118 00:06:27,847 --> 00:06:30,016 And you're sure it was Lana? - What was Lana? 119 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:33,769 Okay, I'm on it. What? Yes. God. - Come on. 120 00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:37,106 What did she say? - Well, she's still really pro-vasectomy. 121 00:06:37,273 --> 00:06:39,775 About Lana. - Oh, right. Yeah, so... 122 00:06:40,693 --> 00:06:43,321 ...remember that worst-case scenario we talked about? 123 00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:45,781 Oh, my God. - Yes, yes, I remember. 124 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:48,993 Archer, if anything... - Cyril, relax. I will rescue her. 125 00:06:49,744 --> 00:06:52,288 So, Krieger? How's about a roadie? 126 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:58,502 It would be nice to know what kind of danger I'm facing. 127 00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,869 What danger? They do it outpatient. 128 00:07:00,922 --> 00:07:03,507 What...? Not the vasectomy, the rescue. 129 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,217 How would I know? I'm at a conference. 130 00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,888 Wait a minute. - You don't have a minute. 131 00:07:09,055 --> 00:07:10,765 Now, will you just put a lid on it? 132 00:07:10,932 --> 00:07:14,518 - All right, I'm going. - Shitty flying rats. 133 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,103 Just put the damn lid on it. 134 00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:20,441 "Something about I rescue Lana... 135 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:24,028 ...and she begs me to take her back, so then Cyril commits suicide." 136 00:07:24,195 --> 00:07:26,530 I swear to God I had something for this. 137 00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:30,952 Seriously, are you just bailing on this whole assignment, or what? 138 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:35,289 Who gives a gosh-damn about that? Lana's captured, maybe even... 139 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,541 Rescued, Kenny Crybaby. 140 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:42,046 Come on. I bet Mr. Archer already went all double-oh-ninja on Skorpio's ass. 141 00:07:42,213 --> 00:07:43,381 Waa-paah! 142 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,341 Karate sound. - You really think so? 143 00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:47,885 Cyril, right this second... 144 00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:50,221 ...I bet he's untying Lana... 145 00:07:50,388 --> 00:07:52,306 ...taking off her ball gag... - Her what? 146 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:55,393 ...And she's looking up into his steely-blue eyes... 147 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,728 ...and parting her moist lips... 148 00:07:57,895 --> 00:07:59,939 Wait a minute. - Yeah, hang on, crazy pants. 149 00:08:00,106 --> 00:08:03,317 Let her talk, woman. - As he takes her in his rippling... 150 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:06,946 ...Rambo-y arms, throws her down... - Oh, my God... 151 00:08:07,113 --> 00:08:10,408 ...and then Unh, Unh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 152 00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:13,577 That's right! Give it to me! Uhn! 153 00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:17,123 Damn it, look what you... Shouldn't you be off cooking a rabbit somewhere? 154 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:20,209 I've got some in the lab. - I mean, maybe it's not that... 155 00:08:20,376 --> 00:08:23,838 ...but there's only one way to find out. - Give me that. 156 00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:25,756 Oh, Jesus, God. 157 00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,718 - I thought I gave you a fake number. - What? 158 00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:31,887 Archer, it's me. - Cyril? Hey, I can't really talk right now. 159 00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:35,641 Well, that's too bad, Mr. Man. Now, you just put Lana on the phone. 160 00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:40,104 Well, Cyril I can't really do that either. - He says he can't put her on. 161 00:08:44,734 --> 00:08:47,570 Archer, put her on the phone. - Cyril, buddy, look... 162 00:08:47,737 --> 00:08:50,489 ...when I see her, I will tell her to call you... 163 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:53,117 ...but I can't freaking talk right now! 164 00:08:53,284 --> 00:08:56,037 Archer? Hello? He hung up. 165 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,329 Probably cause he's all: 166 00:08:58,831 --> 00:09:01,417 Oh, my God, I can't breathe. 167 00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:13,095 And that's the reason I don't have sex with my co-workers. 168 00:09:13,262 --> 00:09:16,640 That and no one ever lets me. - I've had good results with ether. 169 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,643 Oh, no! 170 00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:29,116 Oh, my God, Nikolai, something's wrong. 171 00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:32,656 Is just fat dripping from kebabs. 172 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:35,326 Not that. Kolya, my people need help. 173 00:09:35,493 --> 00:09:38,913 Do you have any KGB agents nearby? - Meh... 174 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:42,792 "Meh" what? - I just don't feel so comfortable... 175 00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:47,171 ...discussing KGB operations with you. - What? I tell you everything. 176 00:09:47,338 --> 00:09:51,467 Da, but is a little unprofessional. 177 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:54,637 Swear to God, Lana better be dead on a slab... 178 00:09:54,804 --> 00:09:57,348 ...or begging for mercy over a vat of acid... 179 00:09:57,515 --> 00:09:59,600 ...or a shark tank or... 180 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:03,312 Drinking champagne in a bikini? - Oh, screw me. 181 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:07,274 Two minutes, my love. I am just now again... 182 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:10,111 ...re-shaving my balls again. 183 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:13,197 First of all, you have no right to interfere with my operation. 184 00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:16,867 And not that it's any of your beeswax, but I did not have sex with Skorpio. 185 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,494 Oh, really? - No. God. 186 00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:21,122 I just kept putting him off, making him re-shave his balls. 187 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,707 Oh. So you can hang out on a boat? 188 00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:26,252 It's a mega-yacht. And I just... 189 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,878 I needed a break from Cyril. 190 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,756 Who thinks you got captured, or killed. 191 00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:32,550 What was that all about? - Um... 192 00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:42,518 Uh... I actually forget what that was. I've been hitting the sauce pretty hard. 193 00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:46,730 Jesus. You are so irresponsible. - Oh, really? Go ask Pita who's irresponsible. 194 00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,816 Hey, she knew the job was risky going in. 195 00:10:48,983 --> 00:10:51,652 And since you didn't do your job... - I Will, all right? 196 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,487 Just give me like a week. 197 00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,823 Too late! You had your chance and you blew it. 198 00:10:55,990 --> 00:10:59,034 Now, how's my disguise? - Depends. Who are you supposed to be? 199 00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:01,620 Topper Bottoms, stern yet sensual skipper... 200 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,539 ...of the USS Rough Service? 201 00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:07,209 What, they're your clothes, idiot. - Uhn! 202 00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:10,212 Oh, damn it, that was the guy in charge of the chocolate fountain. 203 00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:13,090 There's a chocolate fountain? - Oh. There's everything. 204 00:11:13,257 --> 00:11:15,759 Great champagne, ridiculous food... 205 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:18,596 ...a whole, like, squad of hot little Filipina masseuses. 206 00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,181 Skeet? - Probably. I just... 207 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:24,101 ...really need some me time before I have to go back to Cyril and his whole... 208 00:11:24,268 --> 00:11:26,437 Curiously oppressive brand of love? 209 00:11:26,604 --> 00:11:30,357 I mean, come on, haven't I earned that? - Yes, we have. I'm staying. 210 00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,109 What? No. No, you're not. - Yes. 211 00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:36,280 Yes, I am. Or would you prefer I tell Cyril you slept with Skorpio? 212 00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,408 Even you wouldn't stoop that low. - Lana, come on... 213 00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:41,493 ...this is me, remember? 214 00:11:42,912 --> 00:11:44,496 Unprofessional? 215 00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:47,458 From the man who used an entire KGB surveillance team... 216 00:11:47,625 --> 00:11:49,710 ...just to make a sex tape of me? 217 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:53,297 Ha. And entire KGB art department... 218 00:11:53,464 --> 00:11:56,008 ...to airbrush wrinkles off your old ass. 219 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,886 I want to leave, please. Right now. 220 00:11:59,053 --> 00:12:02,514 So who's stopping you? 221 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:03,724 Hmm. 222 00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,060 Hmm. 223 00:12:06,227 --> 00:12:09,396 Smiles everyone, smiles. 224 00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:13,234 For this party, everything must be as perfect... 225 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,569 ...as my beautiful companion. - Ha-ha. 226 00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:19,823 Because in one hour, the world's most dangerous terrorists... 227 00:12:19,990 --> 00:12:25,955 ...will gather here, on the Argo, to bid on my humble wares. 228 00:12:26,372 --> 00:12:29,833 Wait, wait, you. Chocolate-fountain guy. 229 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,169 You look, uh... 230 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:34,838 ...different. - Oh! 231 00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:39,343 Um, I guess I've been working out? - Yes, I can see that. 232 00:12:39,677 --> 00:12:42,137 Quick. Bring me some duct tape. - I, uh... 233 00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,598 Because this malaka is ripped. 234 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:50,604 Come, my dear. Before the party, I must relax... 235 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,856 ...on top of you. - Ugh. 236 00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:56,360 No excuses, huh? My balls are smooth. 237 00:12:56,902 --> 00:13:00,948 And you know I love that. - Not as much as I love chocolate. 238 00:13:01,115 --> 00:13:06,120 Oh-hoh-hoh. So, you, malaka, bring plenty of it, yes. 239 00:13:06,287 --> 00:13:07,788 I would prefer not to. 240 00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:11,709 Bartleby, the Scrivener? Anybody? 241 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,211 Not a big Melville crowd, here, huh? 242 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,171 Yeah, he's not an easy read. 243 00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:18,215 And I drove her right into his arms. 244 00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,885 His big, tan, muscle-bulgy arms. 245 00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:24,805 Cyril, come on. Don't listen to... 246 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,224 What the hell is your name now, anyway? 247 00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:30,060 - I don't even remember. - Exactly. So... 248 00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:34,898 What are you snorting off me? - It's mostly MSG. 249 00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:38,485 The flavor enhancer. - Which you so need. 250 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:40,154 Pipe down, pipe cleaner. 251 00:13:40,321 --> 00:13:42,990 And, Cyril, it's a rescue mission, okay? 252 00:13:43,157 --> 00:13:46,076 Probably fraught with danger. - You really think so? 253 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:49,163 I bet they're fighting for their lives. 254 00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,748 Wow. 255 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,334 Yeah, that... 256 00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:56,712 That got a little dark. 257 00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:02,051 So now we have champagne, huh? 258 00:14:02,259 --> 00:14:06,764 Um, got anything a little stronger? - Or way stronger. Like poison? 259 00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:10,100 Mm. I think I have just the thing. 260 00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:13,854 Oh, my God. - Ready the shark tank for my guests... 261 00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:17,608 ...Agents Archer and Kane, of ISIS. - What? 262 00:14:17,775 --> 00:14:18,942 You knew the whole time? 263 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,236 How you say...? Womp-womp. 264 00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:26,116 All right, you heard Mr. Skorpio. - No, just Skorpio. 265 00:14:26,283 --> 00:14:28,869 Remember? How we're doing that from now on? 266 00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:33,207 Sorry, sir. - Hang on just one second. 267 00:14:33,374 --> 00:14:35,584 Where was this enthusiasm before? 268 00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,753 I know, right? Now he wants to contribute. 269 00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:42,132 M... Ha-ha. Oh, funny. Actually, I'm getting this. 270 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:47,304 Damn, I had something for this too. Damn it. 271 00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:48,931 Eat grenade, stupids. 272 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:53,268 Oh, well, now what? - Ugh. 273 00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,270 Are you still here? 274 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,940 Where'd you get a grenade? - Hanging from the lampshade. 275 00:14:58,107 --> 00:14:59,149 Wait, what? 276 00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:07,324 What? Did he just call me a whore? - Now, why on earth would he do that? 277 00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:11,036 Because he turns women into whores. 278 00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:12,996 Just ask his slutty Mexican cook. 279 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,623 Oh, my God, yes. 280 00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:17,209 We should call her, because I would literally... 281 00:15:17,376 --> 00:15:19,795 ...murder somebody for some migas right now. 282 00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:23,674 Every single noun and verb in that sentence totally arouses me. 283 00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,884 And I'm so open to that. 284 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,761 And, Cyril, ignore her. 285 00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:30,681 Nothing's going on between Archer and Lana. 286 00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:33,809 Although... - Although what? 287 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,854 Well, every ISIS agent has a company-issued... 288 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,523 ...life-insurance policy, and... 289 00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:40,691 And what? 290 00:15:41,692 --> 00:15:45,195 You're my beneficiary! - Your what? 291 00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,698 On my company life insurance. 292 00:15:47,865 --> 00:15:49,032 Oh, my God. 293 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,784 I mean, if this goes tits-up. 294 00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:55,539 Now? Really? 295 00:15:55,706 --> 00:15:58,917 Oh, right. Because you walked into Strippers' Discount Warehouse... 296 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,712 ...and said, "Help me showcase my intellect." 297 00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:04,214 Discount? Hello, this is Fiacci. 298 00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,967 Uh, I think it's pronounced, "Knock-off." 299 00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:13,474 Right after I get back, I'm changing that stupid policy. Ugh! 300 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,351 Yes, you're my beneficiary. 301 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:21,565 How'd you get life insurance, Lana? Don't they know you're in the danger zone? 302 00:16:21,732 --> 00:16:23,650 But that doesn't mean anything. I mean... 303 00:16:23,817 --> 00:16:26,695 ...they could've forgotten to fill out new beneficiary forms... 304 00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:30,199 Cyril, they have to update those Bennie forms every quarter. 305 00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:35,204 Ouch. - But that means... Oh, my God. 306 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:37,748 Damn ass-hammered shit! 307 00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:41,752 What? - Benefits! I forgot to spend the balance... 308 00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:44,087 ...in my goddamn flex account! 309 00:16:44,254 --> 00:16:47,424 Are you date-of-employment, or...? - Calendar-year! 310 00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:49,718 Ouch. - That's just leaving money on the table. 311 00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:50,928 How did you forget that? 312 00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:54,765 I guess I was busy fantasizing about Archer and Lana having intercourse! 313 00:16:56,225 --> 00:17:01,104 Ouch. - Cyril, come on, hon, we all were. 314 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,315 And you expect me to believe that? 315 00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:07,277 I don't care. Just like I don't ever think about you. 316 00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,404 Reloading. - Firing. 317 00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:13,617 So when you filled out your insurance, you weren't thinking about my muscular arms... 318 00:17:13,784 --> 00:17:20,123 ...or my ass, in the combat-firing stance? - No, I wasn't. I don't. I mean, I'm... 319 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,960 So full of shit, your eyes are brown. 320 00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:29,383 No, they're... Oh, my God, they're green. 321 00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:33,303 Like emeralds. How did I never see that? 322 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,430 Lana, your eyes are amazing. - Archer. 323 00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:38,433 I mean, not compared to your tits, but... Ow! Ow! 324 00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:40,435 What is your problem? 325 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,813 You. And plus, I have a boyfriend. 326 00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,440 Oh, right, how could I forget Mr. Cling? 327 00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:49,444 Cyril? Cyril, come on. Let go. 328 00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:53,198 Oh, God, he's stronger than he looks. 329 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,826 Get him out of here! 330 00:17:55,993 --> 00:17:57,911 Because these corporate bag-munchers... 331 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,372 ...owe me 630 dollars... 332 00:18:00,539 --> 00:18:04,167 ...for my goddamn flex account! 333 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,504 I cannot believe you shot me. 334 00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:09,339 God, you know how much I hate that. 335 00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:12,342 You better get used to it. - Kill them, you fools. Kill them. 336 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,678 Oh, my God. I am gonna die... 337 00:18:14,845 --> 00:18:17,180 ...and you're the last man I was in bed with. 338 00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:21,476 Well, one of them. Don't worry, I won't tell Cyril. Probably. 339 00:18:22,853 --> 00:18:25,856 Shit. I'm out of ammo. Archer! - Lana.Lana. 340 00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:28,859 Do you trust me? - What? No, I don't trust you. 341 00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:32,195 Well, that's too bad. Because guess what. 342 00:18:36,617 --> 00:18:39,745 Oh, my God. Nikolai. Our son. 343 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,706 Our what? Oh, so... 344 00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:45,876 ...remember that little something I wanted to tell you? 345 00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:51,632 A little something? Oh, that is just classic you. 346 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,468 So I'm a little late. - A lot late. 347 00:18:54,635 --> 00:18:58,305 No one could have survived that. 348 00:18:58,472 --> 00:19:01,558 Oh, man! Whoo! 349 00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:03,810 I am awesome! 350 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:07,356 Ugh. And it just keeps on getting better. 351 00:19:07,522 --> 00:19:08,982 Lana? - Asshole? 352 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:12,819 Oh, my God. Was that not epic? 353 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:15,697 First of all... - Nikolai, look, they're alive. 354 00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:19,159 Oh, thank God. - Thank God? 355 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:23,747 For what? The lying woman I risk my career for? 356 00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:26,458 The son she don't told me of? 357 00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:30,504 Or maybe my damn security deposit? 358 00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:34,424 Security deposit. What was it, a pair of flip-flops? 359 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:37,094 Half the bounty. Come on, I deserve it. - Ha! 360 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,971 Too bad. So you can just paddle that hole in your foot... 361 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,432 ...right on back to your cheesy, Mexican kitchen... 362 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,768 Oh, I'll get a new kitchen. 363 00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:48,021 Let's see you get a new boyfriend after I have a talk with Cyril. 364 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,357 Ha! About what, exactly? 365 00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:52,693 How you cried during a two-man threesome? 366 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,779 Wooden spoons are a huge emotional trigger for me, Lana. 367 00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:58,323 Yeah, and now I know. And when I tell Pam... 368 00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:00,367 ...so will everybody in the office. 369 00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:02,869 Oh, is that how you wanna play it? - Yeah. 370 00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:07,791 Fine! Keep your stupid bounty, then! And keep your pathetic, clingy boyfriend. 371 00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:12,546 I will. Oh, and Cyril may be clingy, but at least I know I can trust him. 372 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:16,425 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Cyril, come on. 373 00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:19,803 Snap out of it, seriously. It's not like we burned down the mainframe. 374 00:20:19,970 --> 00:20:21,138 You really need to relax. 375 00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:24,141 How'? My life is ruined. Again. 376 00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:26,893 Look, what happens on this scratchy green office rug... 377 00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:29,521 ...stays on this scratchy green office rug, okay? 378 00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:30,981 You mean... 379 00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:34,818 ...this, what we just did, you'll keep this our secret? 380 00:20:34,985 --> 00:20:37,612 Yeah. God, Cyril. 381 00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,949 You can trust me. You know, probably. 382 00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:42,159 Probably? 383 00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:44,119 Womp-womp. 31924

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.