Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,509 --> 00:00:03,911
[dietrich]
and so, to reiterate...
2
00:00:03,913 --> 00:00:06,079
[harris]
due to your various
relationships with the victim,
3
00:00:06,081 --> 00:00:08,815
Ellis crane, both
professional and personal--
4
00:00:08,817 --> 00:00:12,686
[dietrich] you are all persons
of interest in an active
homicide investigation.
5
00:00:12,688 --> 00:00:14,588
[all grumbling]
6
00:00:14,590 --> 00:00:16,490
Wait. Can't you eliminate us
by testing our hands
7
00:00:16,492 --> 00:00:19,593
For gunshot residue? Hmm?
Wha-- y-yes!
8
00:00:19,595 --> 00:00:22,529
Yes, we can.
And that's exactly what
we're gonna do, smart guy.
9
00:00:22,531 --> 00:00:24,331
So--
think you're so goddamn smart.
10
00:00:24,333 --> 00:00:27,868
So we're gonna need
everybody to come
down to the station,
11
00:00:27,870 --> 00:00:31,438
So, uh, we can
test your hands for
gunshot residue!
12
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,841
Yeah, hi. Alan shapiro,
attorney for veronica deane?
13
00:00:34,843 --> 00:00:36,944
God, she is so great!
Huge fan. Huge!
14
00:00:36,946 --> 00:00:38,712
Ohhh!
Yeah. Super.
15
00:00:38,714 --> 00:00:41,882
But my client will
not be frog-marched
into a police station
16
00:00:41,884 --> 00:00:44,451
Like a common criminal
before god knows
how many cameras,
17
00:00:44,453 --> 00:00:47,120
Every one of which was
tipped off by the lapd!
18
00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:48,622
I-I... Well, no. No.
[coughs]
19
00:00:48,624 --> 00:00:51,358
We wouldn't want that.
She will, however...
20
00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,528
Consent to the test being
conducted at my office.
21
00:00:54,530 --> 00:00:56,296
Thank you. That's
very accommodating.
22
00:00:56,298 --> 00:00:58,298
Get a load
of obi-wan-attorney.
23
00:00:58,300 --> 00:00:59,900
So, should we
head there now, or...
24
00:00:59,902 --> 00:01:02,369
No, let's say tomorrow.
Elevenish?
25
00:01:02,371 --> 00:01:04,304
Elevenish it is!
Looking forward to it.
26
00:01:04,306 --> 00:01:06,139
Are you kidding me?
How is that fair?
27
00:01:06,141 --> 00:01:08,875
Why does she get
special treatment?
Because she is special.
28
00:01:08,877 --> 00:01:12,312
She's... A movie star!
Yeah. Because she's special.
29
00:01:12,314 --> 00:01:15,048
Well, I don't really want
to go down to the police
station either, so...
30
00:01:15,050 --> 00:01:17,651
Goddamn it!
You will comply!
31
00:01:17,653 --> 00:01:20,320
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey hey--
it's all good, buddy!
32
00:01:20,322 --> 00:01:22,489
She's comin' down
to the station.
33
00:01:22,491 --> 00:01:24,324
Comin' down
to the station, right?
Uh, yup.
34
00:01:24,326 --> 00:01:26,827
See? She's comin' down
to the station.
35
00:01:26,829 --> 00:01:29,830
Yeah!
'cause I remember
you, lana kane.
36
00:01:29,832 --> 00:01:31,665
You're still on probation
for the gun charge
and the stalking.
37
00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:34,001
It was a hamentashen!
Yeah.
38
00:01:34,003 --> 00:01:36,003
Well, you're not gonna
"yummy jewish cookies"
your way out of this one.
39
00:01:36,005 --> 00:01:38,271
Ah! I couldn't have
murdered ellis.
40
00:01:38,273 --> 00:01:41,174
I was in veronica's
dressing room ripping
archer like a rented mule!
41
00:01:41,176 --> 00:01:43,944
[laughs]
oh, man, you never
rent a mule.
42
00:01:43,946 --> 00:01:45,946
So wait a second--
you lease that surly bastard.
43
00:01:45,948 --> 00:01:47,748
Shut up! So wait--
shut up!
44
00:01:47,750 --> 00:01:51,118
So, your alibi is that
you were busy committing
felony assault.
45
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:52,953
Yes!
She's a real menace.
46
00:01:52,955 --> 00:01:54,855
Shut up,
and they all saw me.
47
00:01:54,857 --> 00:01:56,590
I didn't.
What?
48
00:01:56,592 --> 00:01:58,525
Yes, you did!
I was right there!
49
00:01:58,527 --> 00:01:59,860
Nope.
You little--
50
00:01:59,862 --> 00:02:01,862
Shapiro! You saw me!
Did I?
51
00:02:01,864 --> 00:02:03,463
What?
Because what
I don't see...
52
00:02:03,465 --> 00:02:05,699
Is how that helps
my client, veronica deane.
53
00:02:05,701 --> 00:02:06,933
[gasps]
huge fan.
So great.
54
00:02:06,935 --> 00:02:09,102
Archer...
Yes, lana?
55
00:02:09,104 --> 00:02:11,038
Would you care to
tell the detectives...
56
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,773
That I couldn't have
killed ellis...
57
00:02:12,775 --> 00:02:14,875
Because I was busy
beating your ass?
58
00:02:14,877 --> 00:02:16,943
I would love to.
[deep sigh]
59
00:02:16,945 --> 00:02:19,112
There. See?
Unfortunately...
60
00:02:19,114 --> 00:02:22,449
Goddamn it!
I must have gotten
a bonk on the noggin,
61
00:02:22,451 --> 00:02:25,318
Because I can't
remember anything!
Ohahhh!
62
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,554
So, miss kane,
you can ride with me...
63
00:02:27,556 --> 00:02:29,056
I'll call a van
for the rest of you.
64
00:02:29,058 --> 00:02:31,391
And remain with you
in a supervisory capacity.
65
00:02:31,393 --> 00:02:36,463
Because. Whatever you do...
You are not
to wash your hands!
66
00:02:40,568 --> 00:02:42,903
Uhmm...
67
00:03:24,278 --> 00:03:26,346
Yeah, so listen.
The whole thing about...
68
00:03:26,348 --> 00:03:28,448
Not washing our hands...
69
00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:31,618
But, darling, they
were so terribly goopy
from our love-making!
70
00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:33,453
Which was so
wonderful, darling.
71
00:03:33,455 --> 00:03:35,856
Wasn't it just...
So... Wonderful.
72
00:03:35,858 --> 00:03:38,125
Well, yeah. I mean,
it almost always is,
73
00:03:38,127 --> 00:03:40,227
Both wonderful
and goopy, but...
74
00:03:40,229 --> 00:03:43,396
But, darling, surely you
don't think that I could
have murdered ellis?
75
00:03:43,398 --> 00:03:47,300
No! I mean... You know...
After all,
he was killed at 2:14,
76
00:03:47,302 --> 00:03:50,637
And I was in here
with you, until almost
the very stroke of 3:00.
77
00:03:50,639 --> 00:03:52,973
Which you were
extremely clear about.
78
00:03:52,975 --> 00:03:54,641
And repeatedly,
come to think of it.
79
00:03:54,643 --> 00:03:57,377
But there's no clock
in here, so...
What do you think...
80
00:03:57,379 --> 00:03:59,246
About... Mexico?
81
00:03:59,248 --> 00:04:01,481
Like, their extradition
treaty, or...
82
00:04:01,483 --> 00:04:03,884
No, you goose.
As a romantic getaway!
83
00:04:03,886 --> 00:04:07,254
Oh. Well, then,
theoretically,
me gusto mucho.
84
00:04:07,256 --> 00:04:11,057
But--
I have a fabulous
bungalow in las caletas.
85
00:04:11,059 --> 00:04:13,660
Just down the beach
from john huston.
Really?
86
00:04:13,662 --> 00:04:15,662
Hmm. You could hit
his house with a coconut.
87
00:04:15,664 --> 00:04:17,097
Which I've always
wanted to do.
88
00:04:17,099 --> 00:04:18,832
We could be there
in four hours.
89
00:04:18,834 --> 00:04:22,836
Is-- but is now a great time,
or even a not very bad time?
90
00:04:22,838 --> 00:04:24,905
What with the whole
murder investigation--
91
00:04:24,907 --> 00:04:26,506
Oh, alan can handle that.
92
00:04:26,508 --> 00:04:28,074
But until all
the fuss dies down,
93
00:04:28,076 --> 00:04:30,010
We could swim
in the ocean...
94
00:04:30,012 --> 00:04:33,847
Swim in tequila, dance
naked on the beach
by firelight...
95
00:04:33,849 --> 00:04:36,082
Prank john huston
with some coconuts...
96
00:04:36,084 --> 00:04:39,686
Besides, it looks like
that enormous lana kane
person is the real killer.
97
00:04:39,688 --> 00:04:42,122
What? No, I-I shouldn't
have joked about that.
98
00:04:42,124 --> 00:04:44,791
I'll tell the cops she--
she certainly had a motive.
99
00:04:44,793 --> 00:04:47,260
I mean, my god,
the victim's jealous lover?
100
00:04:47,262 --> 00:04:50,096
Yeah, hey, uh, you know what?
My hands are pretty goopy, too.
101
00:04:50,098 --> 00:04:52,632
I'm just gonna pop out,
give 'em a quick rinse, and...
102
00:04:52,634 --> 00:04:54,467
Well, just use
the sink here, silly.
103
00:04:54,469 --> 00:04:57,871
Uh, no. I have diarrhea, so...
[knocking]
104
00:04:57,873 --> 00:05:00,874
Miss deane? I have
kind of a fanboy request.
105
00:05:00,876 --> 00:05:03,276
And you can't let
those fans down!
106
00:05:03,278 --> 00:05:06,213
See, I-- oh.
Yeah.
107
00:05:06,215 --> 00:05:08,715
I--
I have diarrhea.
108
00:05:08,717 --> 00:05:11,151
You better not
wash those hands!
I won't!
109
00:05:11,153 --> 00:05:13,553
I'd like your word, please!
You have it!
110
00:05:13,555 --> 00:05:15,222
Great police work.
111
00:05:15,224 --> 00:05:19,059
Seriously? What
is it with everybody
washing their hands?
112
00:05:19,061 --> 00:05:21,728
Exactly! I'm not going
to be the only chump
113
00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:24,397
Walking into that police
station with unwashed hands!
114
00:05:24,399 --> 00:05:26,299
[high-pitched voice]
oh, man!
115
00:05:26,301 --> 00:05:29,236
[toilet flushing]
we gotta wash our hands?
116
00:05:29,238 --> 00:05:31,238
What? No! They said,
"don't wash them."
117
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,173
[carol]
wait, what are we all washing?
118
00:05:33,175 --> 00:05:35,408
Goddamn it,
wash everything!
119
00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:37,644
Geez! Make up
your mind, america!
120
00:05:37,646 --> 00:05:40,013
And I need to
talk to you. Now.
121
00:05:40,015 --> 00:05:42,249
[malory]
all right, grabney coleman!
What?
122
00:05:42,251 --> 00:05:44,184
[sighs]
it's about the murder.
123
00:05:44,186 --> 00:05:47,354
Oh, sterling,
I know exactly what
you're going to say.
124
00:05:47,356 --> 00:05:49,990
You do?
And I know exactly
what to do.
125
00:05:49,992 --> 00:05:51,925
You do.
Sterling, it's me.
126
00:05:51,927 --> 00:05:54,761
Of course I do, just
like I knew you were
headed for trouble
127
00:05:54,763 --> 00:05:57,931
The minute you laid your eyes
on that washed-up old crone.
128
00:05:57,933 --> 00:06:00,100
Oh, for--
she's like 50!
129
00:06:00,102 --> 00:06:02,369
Also, maybe,
a little a lot crazy.
130
00:06:02,371 --> 00:06:06,006
Oh, really? An actress?
Who's crazy?
131
00:06:06,008 --> 00:06:07,941
Nobody. Get out
of here, krieger!
132
00:06:07,943 --> 00:06:10,877
With your goddamn
human breast milk.
Okay! Geez!
133
00:06:10,879 --> 00:06:12,445
And it's not human!
134
00:06:12,447 --> 00:06:14,781
I don't know if
that's better or worse.
135
00:06:14,783 --> 00:06:17,350
Anyway, now I'm worried
the cops might actually
think lana did it, so...
136
00:06:17,352 --> 00:06:18,718
Mexico.
137
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,954
Wait? Yeah.
That's what she said.
138
00:06:20,956 --> 00:06:24,457
Well, it's obvious.
It's basically right
next door, for god's sake.
139
00:06:24,459 --> 00:06:27,294
As if los angeles
needed another minus.
140
00:06:27,296 --> 00:06:30,063
Come... I don't know,
mother. Fleeing to mexico?
141
00:06:30,065 --> 00:06:31,965
It just kinda screams,
"I'm guilty."
142
00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:36,870
So, no one is technically
fleeing, because no one
is under arrest.
143
00:06:36,872 --> 00:06:40,140
Yet.
So you're saying now would
be the best time to go? If...
144
00:06:40,142 --> 00:06:42,375
If there could ever be
a "best time"
145
00:06:42,377 --> 00:06:46,046
To have your picture taken
with a donkey painted
to look like a zebra.
146
00:06:46,048 --> 00:06:48,548
Hmm, pretty sure
those are real zebras.
147
00:06:48,550 --> 00:06:50,150
Typical.
Who's a zebra?
148
00:06:50,152 --> 00:06:52,652
Goddamn it, krieger.
I told you to-- wait.
149
00:06:52,654 --> 00:06:54,821
How did you change so fast?
Oh! Um...
150
00:06:54,823 --> 00:06:58,825
Don't engage him! You need
to be on the first mode
of transport to mexico.
151
00:06:58,827 --> 00:07:01,561
Don't even bother packing,
just grab a fake passport
152
00:07:01,563 --> 00:07:03,496
At the office and go...
153
00:07:03,498 --> 00:07:06,166
But first, wash
your gunpowdery hands.
154
00:07:06,168 --> 00:07:07,934
My-- wait. You don't
think I did it?
155
00:07:07,936 --> 00:07:10,503
Wh-- who else?
Veronica!
156
00:07:10,505 --> 00:07:12,339
Who's veronica?
Jesus!
What the--
157
00:07:12,341 --> 00:07:14,274
Why are your frickin'
cyborgs here?
158
00:07:14,276 --> 00:07:17,610
Because we're getting
30 bucks a day
as extras! Each!
159
00:07:17,612 --> 00:07:19,346
Who is?
Well, get the hell out of here.
160
00:07:19,348 --> 00:07:21,915
All of you!
No! Now wait a minute.
161
00:07:21,917 --> 00:07:23,683
This could actually
help you!
162
00:07:23,685 --> 00:07:26,453
To do what? Open
an adolf e. Cheese?
163
00:07:26,455 --> 00:07:29,856
Krieger, you have one of
these god-awful monstrosities
164
00:07:29,858 --> 00:07:32,192
For each of us?
No!
165
00:07:32,194 --> 00:07:35,862
Maybe. Yes.
There you go!
You go to mexico,
166
00:07:35,864 --> 00:07:37,964
Your robo-doppelganger
takes the fall,
167
00:07:37,966 --> 00:07:40,533
You come back after
he gets the chair.
168
00:07:40,535 --> 00:07:43,103
Ohh...
First of all, I didn't do it!
169
00:07:43,105 --> 00:07:45,372
I doesn't matter!
I feel like it does!
170
00:07:45,374 --> 00:07:48,274
It's not always about you!
Wha-- and second of all,
171
00:07:48,276 --> 00:07:50,777
There's no way one of
these damn "inepticons"
172
00:07:50,779 --> 00:07:52,712
Could pass
the fricking turing test!
173
00:07:52,714 --> 00:07:56,116
[shocked gasps]
oh, they can totally
pass the turing test.
174
00:07:56,118 --> 00:07:58,718
What is that?
A thing from star wars?
175
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,122
No, it's a test
to see if a machine's
artificial intelligence
176
00:08:02,124 --> 00:08:04,958
Can convince a human
that the machine
is also human.
177
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,661
Which they totally can.
Go ahead. Ask them
anything about anything.
178
00:08:08,663 --> 00:08:11,164
Ugh. Okay,
uh, let's see.
179
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:13,400
What is love?
180
00:08:13,402 --> 00:08:16,569
[electronic stroke]
batubatu...Battery.
181
00:08:16,571 --> 00:08:18,405
Wh-wh-wh-wha--
182
00:08:18,407 --> 00:08:19,973
[gunshots]
183
00:08:19,975 --> 00:08:22,075
[screams]
[sighs]
184
00:08:22,077 --> 00:08:25,712
Now I have to
wash my hands again.
[short-circuit zapping]
185
00:08:34,655 --> 00:08:36,256
Goddamn it,
this is classic archer!
186
00:08:36,258 --> 00:08:38,425
Oh, yeah?
He knows I didn't kill ellis!
187
00:08:38,427 --> 00:08:40,760
But he's so goddamn
immature, he thinks
it's funny
188
00:08:40,762 --> 00:08:44,164
To watch the mother of
his child hauled off to jail.
189
00:08:44,166 --> 00:08:46,533
Which, by the way,
is a total waste of time,
190
00:08:46,535 --> 00:08:49,269
Because you are not gonna
find any gunshot residue
191
00:08:49,271 --> 00:08:51,871
On my hands.
Uh, you never know.
192
00:08:51,873 --> 00:08:54,541
No, actually, I do know,
because-- I'm sorry--
193
00:08:54,543 --> 00:08:56,176
And that means what?
What?
194
00:08:56,178 --> 00:08:59,279
You never know...
Uh, figure of speech?
195
00:08:59,281 --> 00:09:01,381
Oh, really? Because
from where I'm sitting,
196
00:09:01,383 --> 00:09:03,450
Which by the way
is in a black woman's skin,
197
00:09:03,452 --> 00:09:05,618
In the back of a prowler
with no door handles
198
00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:08,188
Driven by a white cop,
it sounds like the lapd
199
00:09:08,190 --> 00:09:09,789
Is gonna frame me
for murder.
200
00:09:09,791 --> 00:09:12,859
Like I said,
"you never know!"
201
00:09:12,861 --> 00:09:15,061
Oh, damn it!
202
00:09:15,063 --> 00:09:16,863
No-o-o!
203
00:09:16,865 --> 00:09:19,899
You maniac!
You blew him up!
204
00:09:19,901 --> 00:09:24,971
Aw, damn you!
Goddamn you all to hell!
205
00:09:24,973 --> 00:09:26,873
Oh, give it a rest.
206
00:09:26,875 --> 00:09:30,477
That'll do, milkly,
that'll do. [sobbing]
207
00:09:30,479 --> 00:09:32,712
And here. Hold this.
Wait. What? No.
208
00:09:32,714 --> 00:09:35,148
I don't want to--
hold it!
Hold it right there!
209
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:37,484
Man down! Man down!
Man down!
210
00:09:37,486 --> 00:09:39,652
Man? It's basically
an appliance.
211
00:09:39,654 --> 00:09:41,654
[shocked sigh]
what the hell happened here?
212
00:09:41,656 --> 00:09:43,323
What's happening?
Don't y'all know?
213
00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:45,825
That is what I'm trying
to find-- damn it, woman!
214
00:09:45,827 --> 00:09:47,994
I thought I told you
not to wash your hands!
215
00:09:47,996 --> 00:09:49,829
Yeah, I'm almost
positive you did.
216
00:09:49,831 --> 00:09:52,499
Okay. Nobody move.
Nobody do anything.
217
00:09:52,501 --> 00:09:55,568
In fact, everybody
put your hands in
your damn pockets!
218
00:09:55,570 --> 00:09:57,570
All right, you heard the man.
[sighs]
219
00:09:57,572 --> 00:09:59,239
Let's go.
Whatever.
Okay, okay.
220
00:09:59,241 --> 00:10:01,241
Ugh.
[phone ringing]
221
00:10:01,243 --> 00:10:03,943
Hey. Yeah, I need
you to come back to
the studio real quick.
222
00:10:03,945 --> 00:10:07,180
No, the van's not here,
but it looks like we've
got another homicide--
223
00:10:07,182 --> 00:10:10,617
Uh, just in the very brief
time since you left, yes.
224
00:10:10,619 --> 00:10:12,685
What are ya,
shootin' 'em yourself?
225
00:10:12,687 --> 00:10:15,355
How-- uh-- okay.
Shut up. I'm almost
at the station,
226
00:10:15,357 --> 00:10:17,190
Just wait
for the van, dummy.
227
00:10:17,192 --> 00:10:19,692
Well, sweetheart, today
just might be your lucky day.
228
00:10:19,694 --> 00:10:21,961
What? You're gonna park
in an alley, and let me go
229
00:10:21,963 --> 00:10:24,697
If I give you a blow job?
Mmmm... No.
230
00:10:24,699 --> 00:10:27,867
They made us quit doing
that. There was a whole
big thing about it.
231
00:10:27,869 --> 00:10:30,703
Then why am I
suddenly so lucky?
Because it looks like...
232
00:10:30,705 --> 00:10:32,972
Maybe the killer struck again.
Ha!
233
00:10:32,974 --> 00:10:35,642
Told you!
Dumbass idiot cops!
234
00:10:35,644 --> 00:10:37,877
So, how's it feel
to be such an idiot?
235
00:10:37,879 --> 00:10:41,114
Mm, I guess... Almost like
there's a vast number of things
236
00:10:41,116 --> 00:10:44,384
That can happen to you
between now and
when you're released
237
00:10:44,386 --> 00:10:47,053
From police custody,
and almost none
of them are good?
238
00:10:47,055 --> 00:10:50,056
Um. Point. Taken.
239
00:10:50,058 --> 00:10:52,559
Let's go, folks.
Nothing to see here.
240
00:10:52,561 --> 00:10:55,995
What on earth is going on?
Because whatever it is,
my client had
241
00:10:55,997 --> 00:10:57,897
Absolutely nothing
to do with it!
242
00:10:57,899 --> 00:10:59,899
Come on, beat it!
23 skidoo!
243
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:03,403
Hey! You need
to get your old, tiny,
fake policeman ass
244
00:11:03,405 --> 00:11:06,673
Out of my space!
I'm trying to do
real policeman shit!
245
00:11:06,675 --> 00:11:08,908
Then arrest her!
For murder!
246
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:10,743
You can't murder a machine!
247
00:11:10,745 --> 00:11:13,012
Yeah, that's like
the first law of robotics.
248
00:11:13,014 --> 00:11:15,081
No, it's the exact
opposite of that!
249
00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:18,685
Well, excuse me,
dr. Han fastolfe.
250
00:11:18,687 --> 00:11:20,353
Too obscure?
I mean--
251
00:11:20,355 --> 00:11:21,921
The point is,
legally speaking,
252
00:11:21,923 --> 00:11:24,090
A murder victim has
to be a human being.
253
00:11:24,092 --> 00:11:27,093
That is true.
Besides, it's your word
against mine.
254
00:11:27,095 --> 00:11:29,028
No, it isn't!
Because all my k-bots
255
00:11:29,030 --> 00:11:31,030
Have a digital recorder
in their cpu.
256
00:11:31,032 --> 00:11:33,366
You can't record me
without my permission!
257
00:11:33,368 --> 00:11:37,870
That is also true. California is
a two-party consent state, so--
258
00:11:37,872 --> 00:11:40,607
Actually, in california,
you can record a conversation
259
00:11:40,609 --> 00:11:42,609
Without the other party's
consent, if you believe
260
00:11:42,611 --> 00:11:44,944
It will collect
evidence of a crime.
Aha!
261
00:11:44,946 --> 00:11:47,280
But you didn't know
a crime was going to occur
262
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:48,781
When you started recording!
263
00:11:48,783 --> 00:11:52,785
Aha! But also, isn't
the question moot?
264
00:11:52,787 --> 00:11:56,956
Because that dude's cpu's...
Totally dickholed.
265
00:11:56,958 --> 00:12:00,193
Aha! But his cpu
is working perfectly!
266
00:12:00,195 --> 00:12:03,796
And he witnessed
everything! Copley?
Yep, yep, yep!
267
00:12:03,798 --> 00:12:07,200
Please rewind to
milkly's heinous murder
and play it back for us.
268
00:12:07,202 --> 00:12:09,469
All righty...
None of this is admissible!
269
00:12:09,471 --> 00:12:11,304
And more importantly,
they're robots.
270
00:12:11,306 --> 00:12:13,139
Accessing digit... Al...
271
00:12:13,141 --> 00:12:17,243
Ba-ba-ba-batter-r-ry l-l-l-low.
[people screaming]
272
00:12:17,245 --> 00:12:19,379
[gunshot]
[screaming]
273
00:12:19,381 --> 00:12:22,415
Goddamn it!
No-ho!
274
00:12:22,417 --> 00:12:24,250
[siren blaring]
275
00:12:24,252 --> 00:12:28,821
Aw, thank god. Okay.
Gunshot residue testing
and the truth...
276
00:12:28,823 --> 00:12:30,490
Shall set you free!
277
00:12:30,492 --> 00:12:32,825
Or not.
But get in that van!
278
00:12:32,827 --> 00:12:35,228
With the exception of my client!
Of course.
279
00:12:35,230 --> 00:12:37,830
[laughs] absolutely.
And thank you for
the autograph.
280
00:12:37,832 --> 00:12:40,933
That was so great,
and you're just...
So great!
281
00:12:40,935 --> 00:12:43,903
And this is all
a huge waste of time.
282
00:12:43,905 --> 00:12:46,839
[chuckles]
well, yes! Because
it's so totally obvious
283
00:12:46,841 --> 00:12:48,574
That lana kane
murdered ellis.
284
00:12:48,576 --> 00:12:49,842
Uh, hang on.
Actually--
285
00:12:49,844 --> 00:12:52,011
As a matter of fact,
mr. Shapiro will be
286
00:12:52,013 --> 00:12:54,580
Presenting you evidence
of miss kane's guilt
tomorrow morning.
287
00:12:54,582 --> 00:12:56,416
He what?
Do what?
I what?
288
00:12:56,418 --> 00:12:59,686
Isn't that what you told me?
Uh, yes?
289
00:12:59,688 --> 00:13:02,422
So, detective.
See you at elevenish?
290
00:13:02,424 --> 00:13:04,357
Oh, yes.
[laughing] yes.
291
00:13:04,359 --> 00:13:07,860
So great.
The rest of you,
asses in the van!
292
00:13:07,862 --> 00:13:10,363
You'd better do something.
Let's go! Come on!
293
00:13:10,365 --> 00:13:12,932
Get in there!
But, veronica,
what about mexico?
294
00:13:12,934 --> 00:13:14,701
We may not need to go,
after all.
295
00:13:14,703 --> 00:13:16,936
But the coconuts.
The naked tequila.
296
00:13:16,938 --> 00:13:20,139
Can't we at least
talk about it?
All right, darling. Calm down.
297
00:13:20,141 --> 00:13:22,275
Come to my house tonight,
and we'll talk.
298
00:13:22,277 --> 00:13:24,544
Yo! Faceman!
In the van! Now!
299
00:13:24,546 --> 00:13:26,979
Okay. There's
a nice way to do that.
300
00:13:26,981 --> 00:13:28,481
See ya tonight.
301
00:13:28,483 --> 00:13:31,884
[sighs]
okay, is everybody in?
[everybody] yes!
302
00:13:31,886 --> 00:13:33,386
Okay, count off!
303
00:13:33,388 --> 00:13:34,554
[in unison]
one--
304
00:13:34,556 --> 00:13:36,823
Goddamn it.
Would you go?
305
00:13:36,825 --> 00:13:38,725
But, veronica, what evidence?
306
00:13:38,727 --> 00:13:40,560
Well, my darling alan...
[van starting]
307
00:13:40,562 --> 00:13:43,229
I have a teensy-tiny
favor to ask of you.
308
00:13:43,231 --> 00:13:46,232
[pam]
♪ uh, 99 bottles of beer
on the-- ow! ♪
309
00:13:46,234 --> 00:13:47,567
Je-sus!
310
00:13:47,569 --> 00:13:48,901
[malory]
thank you.
311
00:13:48,903 --> 00:13:50,136
[gillette]
my pleasure.
312
00:13:53,173 --> 00:13:54,974
Whoa-oa-oa!
313
00:13:54,976 --> 00:13:56,809
[dietrich]
keep it down back there!
314
00:13:56,811 --> 00:13:59,245
I swear, if I have
to pull this van over...
315
00:13:59,247 --> 00:14:00,646
[groaning]
316
00:14:00,648 --> 00:14:03,416
Whoa, that kinda hurt.
[bones cracking]
317
00:14:03,418 --> 00:14:05,585
Is l.A. Making me soft?
318
00:14:05,587 --> 00:14:07,754
Or... Softly awesome.
319
00:14:07,756 --> 00:14:09,655
Like a haiku...
320
00:14:17,765 --> 00:14:19,665
[sighs]
321
00:14:22,202 --> 00:14:23,770
Oh...
322
00:14:23,772 --> 00:14:26,606
[servos squeaking]
ho-ly shit.
323
00:14:26,608 --> 00:14:29,876
[laughing]
right? Come here.
What are we doing?
324
00:14:29,878 --> 00:14:31,444
[identical laughing]
are we doing this?
325
00:14:31,446 --> 00:14:33,346
We're hugging it out!
326
00:14:33,348 --> 00:14:35,948
Hey. Are you up
for a dangerous mission?
327
00:14:35,950 --> 00:14:39,719
Am I? There is literally
no question I ever
wanted to hear...
328
00:14:39,721 --> 00:14:41,854
More than that!
Okay, cool.
329
00:14:41,856 --> 00:14:45,224
Have you ever had bourbon?
[laughing uncontrollably]
330
00:14:45,226 --> 00:14:47,960
Have I-- ha!
I wish to amend
331
00:14:47,962 --> 00:14:51,631
My previous statement.
Okay, come on. I'll brief you
while we get ready.
332
00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:53,633
Nghung. Wait.
333
00:14:53,635 --> 00:14:56,235
Hang on a sec.
334
00:14:56,237 --> 00:14:58,237
[farts]
oh!
335
00:14:58,239 --> 00:14:59,539
[cyrilbot]
damn it, archer!
336
00:14:59,541 --> 00:15:02,141
Me and you--
is this not the best?
337
00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:05,211
It's got spinoff
written all over it.
338
00:15:13,987 --> 00:15:15,888
Gillette!
Residue test. Let's go.
339
00:15:15,890 --> 00:15:18,157
[sighs]
excuse me.
340
00:15:18,159 --> 00:15:20,660
Do you have any idea
how long this
is going to take?
341
00:15:20,662 --> 00:15:22,094
Yes.
342
00:15:22,096 --> 00:15:24,397
At this rate, we'll
be here all night.
343
00:15:24,399 --> 00:15:28,067
Or forever, once veronica
deane fakes her whatever
bullshit evidence on me.
344
00:15:28,069 --> 00:15:31,337
Thanks to you and archer,
who lied to the cops with her.
345
00:15:31,339 --> 00:15:33,840
Hope you're happy!
Uh, duh...
Free cornrows.
346
00:15:33,842 --> 00:15:36,909
Lana, sterling feels
awful about that.
Phht!
347
00:15:36,911 --> 00:15:39,011
Which is why he's
out there right now,
348
00:15:39,013 --> 00:15:41,681
Working on a plan
to trap veronica deane
349
00:15:41,683 --> 00:15:43,249
So there's
no need to worry.
350
00:15:43,251 --> 00:15:45,284
[archer]
are you sure?
351
00:15:45,286 --> 00:15:47,587
Yes! Trust me,
it's a good plan.
352
00:15:47,589 --> 00:15:50,523
It just kind of seems
a little more complicated
than it needs to be.
353
00:15:50,525 --> 00:15:52,859
No, it isn't.
Shut up. It'll work.
354
00:15:52,861 --> 00:15:55,761
Hmm. Also, why are
we wearing tuxedos?
355
00:15:55,763 --> 00:15:58,598
Exactly. Okay.
Let's do this!
[snickers]
356
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,434
Oh, man. We're just like
the wonder twins, right?
357
00:16:01,436 --> 00:16:05,371
I would take the form of, uh,
an eagle. What about you?
358
00:16:05,373 --> 00:16:08,474
I guess... I don't know.
Ice stairs?
359
00:16:08,476 --> 00:16:10,610
Eh, luigi!
Piccolo aiuto, eh?
360
00:16:10,612 --> 00:16:12,712
[motor whines]
361
00:16:12,714 --> 00:16:15,448
[woman]
do you... Like it
around the rim?
362
00:16:15,450 --> 00:16:17,316
[chuckles] I be--
I beg your pardon?
363
00:16:17,318 --> 00:16:20,052
Your margarita.
Salt around the rim?
364
00:16:20,054 --> 00:16:22,822
Oh. Sorry. Yes.
More than you know.
365
00:16:22,824 --> 00:16:24,624
Although, I have to say...
366
00:16:24,626 --> 00:16:27,627
I prefer my margaritas
on the beach in mexico.
367
00:16:27,629 --> 00:16:31,631
Mm, yes, of course!
And we'll dance naked
on the beach in mexico...
368
00:16:31,633 --> 00:16:33,966
After-- oh, my!
369
00:16:33,968 --> 00:16:37,970
Is that a gun
in your pocket, or are
you just glad to see me?
370
00:16:37,972 --> 00:16:40,339
Oh! Uh, both.
Sorry.
371
00:16:40,341 --> 00:16:43,843
I'll just lay
this right here,
on this table.
372
00:16:43,845 --> 00:16:46,679
You were saying...
Mexico? After...
373
00:16:46,681 --> 00:16:50,082
Well, after they
formally charge lana kane
with ellis's murder.
374
00:16:50,084 --> 00:16:52,518
And... You think they will.
Oh, I should think so.
375
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,154
Once they find her
enormous fingerprints
on the gun.
376
00:16:55,156 --> 00:16:59,692
And you think they will?
I... Archer, do you love me?
377
00:16:59,694 --> 00:17:02,595
Oh, darling.
Don't you know I do?
378
00:17:02,597 --> 00:17:05,431
Well, then...
In that case,
379
00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:07,767
Let's just say
I have my ways.
380
00:17:07,769 --> 00:17:12,171
Oh, sorry, lana.
You big sexy galoot.
381
00:17:12,173 --> 00:17:14,540
Shapiro,
that little rat.
382
00:17:14,542 --> 00:17:16,442
Oh, it's not
alan's fault, darling.
383
00:17:16,444 --> 00:17:18,277
He's doing it
because he loves me.
384
00:17:18,279 --> 00:17:19,946
And you live for that,
don't you?
385
00:17:19,948 --> 00:17:21,681
Making men
fall in love with you?
386
00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:24,050
Well, that's
not a crime. Is it?
387
00:17:24,052 --> 00:17:27,620
No. But murder is.
And I know you
murdered ellis crane,
388
00:17:27,622 --> 00:17:28,955
And you're going
down for it!
389
00:17:28,957 --> 00:17:30,623
[gun cocks]
[sighs]
390
00:17:30,625 --> 00:17:32,191
I mean, really, darling.
391
00:17:32,193 --> 00:17:34,860
Just how stupid
do you think I am?
392
00:17:34,862 --> 00:17:36,896
Hm. I guess
slightly more than--
393
00:17:36,898 --> 00:17:38,864
[gunshots]
[groans]
394
00:17:40,467 --> 00:17:42,702
Oh!
395
00:17:44,471 --> 00:17:46,539
Archer!
[splash]
396
00:17:49,142 --> 00:17:52,278
[sobs, whimpers]
397
00:17:54,481 --> 00:17:58,651
Good night, sweet prince.
398
00:17:58,653 --> 00:18:02,655
"and flights of angels
sing thee to thy rest."
399
00:18:02,657 --> 00:18:04,657
Jesus christ!
[gasps]
400
00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:06,892
So, you're actually
kind of nuts, huh?
401
00:18:06,894 --> 00:18:09,562
But-- but how?
402
00:18:09,564 --> 00:18:11,931
Cyborg. I won't bore you
with all the details,
403
00:18:11,933 --> 00:18:14,834
And science, which actually
I don't even understand, so...
404
00:18:14,836 --> 00:18:17,603
So, all this time,
you knew that
I killed ellis.
405
00:18:17,605 --> 00:18:20,673
Well, I suspected. All that
"stroke of three" stuff?
406
00:18:20,675 --> 00:18:24,276
Then you were trying so hard
to make lana look guilty?
407
00:18:24,278 --> 00:18:26,912
Helped by marlon jerkins
over here, just because
408
00:18:26,914 --> 00:18:28,914
I was mad at her--
I mean, jesus!
409
00:18:28,916 --> 00:18:32,084
I'm such an idiot.
Oh, I wouldn't
say that, darling.
410
00:18:32,086 --> 00:18:34,020
You caught me,
didn't you?
411
00:18:34,022 --> 00:18:37,356
Well, yeah, but--
you knew that I was
secretly having
412
00:18:37,358 --> 00:18:39,258
All these shoots
sabotaged,
413
00:18:39,260 --> 00:18:41,794
Because sandpiper-crane was
insuring the productions
414
00:18:41,796 --> 00:18:44,597
For ten times what they could
ever make at the box office!
415
00:18:47,701 --> 00:18:51,370
Yes.
Well, bravo, archer. Bravo.
416
00:18:51,372 --> 00:18:55,041
Well, wait! So longwater
was all just a grubby
little insurance scam?
417
00:18:55,043 --> 00:18:57,777
Little? It was a massive
insurance scam,
418
00:18:57,779 --> 00:18:59,712
And also
a re-insurance scam,
419
00:18:59,714 --> 00:19:02,048
Not to mention
a stock manipulation scam...
420
00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:05,051
With a little help
from those odious twits
at stratton-whitney!
421
00:19:05,053 --> 00:19:08,654
Wait, what?
Their hedge fund shorted
the insurance company's stock.
422
00:19:08,656 --> 00:19:11,957
We made millions!
[guffaws] I mean, jesus!
423
00:19:11,959 --> 00:19:14,727
And all this time, I thought
it was just a sex tape!
424
00:19:14,729 --> 00:19:17,229
Oh. That actually
was a sex tape,
425
00:19:17,231 --> 00:19:19,331
Which I accidentally
recorded onto a disk
426
00:19:19,333 --> 00:19:20,733
With some
longwater evidence.
427
00:19:20,735 --> 00:19:22,902
Oh, well, that's just stupid.
428
00:19:22,904 --> 00:19:25,071
As are you, veronica,
you just confessed.
429
00:19:25,073 --> 00:19:27,006
Yes, darling,
but only to you.
430
00:19:27,008 --> 00:19:29,075
Doesn't do you
a bit of good
without a witness.
431
00:19:29,077 --> 00:19:31,744
Uh, dahoy?
What, the robot?
432
00:19:31,746 --> 00:19:35,481
No, not a robot!
Again, I don't understand
all the science, but...
433
00:19:35,483 --> 00:19:38,417
[laughing]
robots can't
testify in court.
434
00:19:38,419 --> 00:19:40,920
Oh, I know that.
But wait. Hang on...
435
00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:44,090
Plus, it didn't hear
what I said, because--
spoiler alert--
436
00:19:44,092 --> 00:19:46,759
It's dead!
Wait, but-- goddamn it!
437
00:19:46,761 --> 00:19:49,595
So, no, archer.
I didn't confess.
438
00:19:49,597 --> 00:19:53,165
Not to a crime, anyway.
But I'm afraid I do
have to confess
439
00:19:53,167 --> 00:19:55,501
That-- ohh...
440
00:19:55,503 --> 00:19:58,704
I really could have
fallen for you.
441
00:19:58,706 --> 00:20:00,606
Really?
My god, yes.
442
00:20:00,608 --> 00:20:02,708
But unfortunately--
[gunshot]
[groans]
443
00:20:02,710 --> 00:20:04,777
[gasping]
444
00:20:04,779 --> 00:20:06,679
Goddamn it.
[gun clicks]
445
00:20:06,681 --> 00:20:08,848
Goddamn it!
[gun clatters]
446
00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:12,518
Veronica! [grunts]
veronica!
447
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,719
[clattering]
ow. Wha--
448
00:20:13,721 --> 00:20:15,955
[coughs]
who puts a table there?
449
00:20:15,957 --> 00:20:17,690
[footsteps]
450
00:20:17,692 --> 00:20:20,526
Archer? Archer.
451
00:20:20,528 --> 00:20:23,963
Archer!
That would be
ms. Archer to you.
452
00:20:23,965 --> 00:20:26,031
Oh! I'll make a note.
453
00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:28,801
You're free to go.
Actually, you're
all free to go.
454
00:20:28,803 --> 00:20:30,302
Really?
[all chattering]
455
00:20:30,304 --> 00:20:31,971
But I haven't even
been tested yet.
456
00:20:31,973 --> 00:20:35,307
You don't need
to get tested,
they have a suspect.
457
00:20:35,309 --> 00:20:36,976
Veronica deane.
Ha!
458
00:20:36,978 --> 00:20:38,911
[surprised chatter]
geezy petes!
459
00:20:38,913 --> 00:20:42,314
This whole time,
I thought ellis crane...
Was the one behind all this.
460
00:20:42,316 --> 00:20:45,985
Yeah, right up until
he shot himself through
both the wrist and the face.
461
00:20:45,987 --> 00:20:49,155
Anymahoo, apparently
she shot another guy.
462
00:20:49,157 --> 00:20:51,657
Floating in her pool
as we speak.
463
00:20:51,659 --> 00:20:53,492
[gasps]
sterling!
464
00:20:53,494 --> 00:20:55,995
[chatter on police radio]
465
00:20:55,997 --> 00:20:58,430
[harris]
well, what do you think?
466
00:20:58,432 --> 00:21:01,167
[dietrich] I think that
in my next life, I'm gonna
come back as a movie star.
467
00:21:01,169 --> 00:21:02,835
Yeah.
Look out, gay porn.
468
00:21:02,837 --> 00:21:04,670
Rimshot.
Yeah, that could be your name.
469
00:21:04,672 --> 00:21:06,505
So what, some movie star
lives here?
470
00:21:06,507 --> 00:21:08,841
Yes. Veronica deane.
Don't you remember?
471
00:21:08,843 --> 00:21:10,910
She's a person of
interest in the other
murder we're working.
472
00:21:10,912 --> 00:21:13,012
No shit.
Wait, what are you--
473
00:21:13,014 --> 00:21:15,181
You were just questioning
her ten hours ago!
474
00:21:15,183 --> 00:21:17,283
He was her alibi.
475
00:21:17,285 --> 00:21:19,952
You like her?
As an actress,
or for this homicide?
476
00:21:19,954 --> 00:21:21,954
Both.
Loved her in shanghai moon.
477
00:21:21,956 --> 00:21:24,123
Oh, my god, that dress?
Right?
478
00:21:24,125 --> 00:21:26,525
But as for tennessee tuxedo
here, I want to talk to her.
479
00:21:26,527 --> 00:21:28,961
See if she knows who tried
to weight him down...
480
00:21:28,963 --> 00:21:32,198
With an ounce of lead.
Found it on the ground,
over there by the table.
481
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,366
Is it hers?
Hard to tell
with no serial number.
482
00:21:34,368 --> 00:21:36,535
Yeah, probably why
they put them on there.
Rimshot.
483
00:21:36,537 --> 00:21:39,872
Hey, you should ask
veronica deane if her
agent reps gay porn stars.
484
00:21:39,874 --> 00:21:41,440
And maybe if she
murdered this guy.
485
00:21:41,442 --> 00:21:43,876
Ah, you got
a real knack for this.
Rim schott.
486
00:21:43,878 --> 00:21:45,377
Yeah, you don't have
to say it every time.
487
00:21:45,379 --> 00:21:47,713
No, as my gay porn name.
Not bad.
488
00:21:47,715 --> 00:21:49,215
Let me through!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
489
00:21:49,217 --> 00:21:50,816
Hey, this is a crime scene!
Hang on, hang on!
490
00:21:50,818 --> 00:21:52,985
Sterling!
[gasps]
491
00:21:52,987 --> 00:21:55,154
[all shrieking]
492
00:21:55,156 --> 00:21:57,656
[sobbing]
493
00:21:57,658 --> 00:22:01,393
Thanks. Thanks, assholes!
Yeah. Yeah, right?
494
00:22:01,395 --> 00:22:03,162
[gasps]
archer?
495
00:22:03,164 --> 00:22:05,064
[shocked chattering]
496
00:22:05,066 --> 00:22:07,900
Bet she hasn't cried
like that since prohibition.
497
00:22:07,902 --> 00:22:09,668
You little--
ow!
498
00:22:09,670 --> 00:22:11,570
Ow! Cut it--
had me worried sick!
499
00:22:11,572 --> 00:22:14,907
Mother! Ow! Stop it.
I am gut-shot, woman!
500
00:22:14,909 --> 00:22:17,243
By veronica deane,
by the way,
501
00:22:17,245 --> 00:22:20,079
And I will be...
More than happy
to testify to that.
502
00:22:20,081 --> 00:22:21,413
Damn!
[sighs]
503
00:22:21,415 --> 00:22:22,915
Any idea where she is?
504
00:22:22,917 --> 00:22:25,684
Probably mexico.
Go to john huston's house,
505
00:22:25,686 --> 00:22:28,420
And start throwing coconuts.
Which I've always wanted to do.
506
00:22:28,422 --> 00:22:30,756
But- what? Okay, wait.
How are there two of you?
507
00:22:30,758 --> 00:22:33,592
They've got robots.
It's cool. We've already
been through all this. So...
508
00:22:33,594 --> 00:22:35,761
Okay,
a) they're not robots.
Nobody cares.
509
00:22:35,763 --> 00:22:39,098
And b) they're
obviously good enough
to pass the turing test.
510
00:22:39,100 --> 00:22:40,866
Oh, totally.
Whatever that is.
511
00:22:40,868 --> 00:22:42,701
Okay, you're
all free to go!
512
00:22:42,703 --> 00:22:45,504
Including you, miss kane.
With our sincere apologies.
513
00:22:45,506 --> 00:22:47,439
Yeah-- not accepted. But--
514
00:22:47,441 --> 00:22:49,375
Speaking of... Archer,
515
00:22:49,377 --> 00:22:51,277
Is there anything
you'd like to say to me?
516
00:22:51,279 --> 00:22:55,281
[sighs]
yes, lana. There is.
517
00:22:55,283 --> 00:22:58,684
[gasping, exclamations]
518
00:22:58,686 --> 00:23:00,786
What's happening?
What are we doing?
519
00:23:01,554 --> 00:23:03,956
Lana kane...
520
00:23:03,958 --> 00:23:07,793
[cyborg crashing]
521
00:23:07,795 --> 00:23:10,062
No-o-o!
522
00:23:10,064 --> 00:23:11,297
[hysterical tears
and screaming]
523
00:23:11,299 --> 00:23:13,198
Wait, what just happened?
524
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,302
Holy shitsnacks!
525
00:23:16,304 --> 00:23:19,705
Wait. But if that's a cyborg...
526
00:23:19,707 --> 00:23:21,874
That means...
The man in the pool is...
527
00:23:24,244 --> 00:23:29,048
[malory]
ster-ling!
528
00:23:29,050 --> 00:23:32,318
[sobbing]
529
00:23:33,420 --> 00:23:36,322
Wow! Suck it, alan turing!
530
00:23:57,444 --> 00:24:00,412
[man]
made... In georgia.
41941
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.