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1
00:00:00,017 --> 00:00:02,084
♪ [string quartet]
2
00:00:26,042 --> 00:00:28,110
[phone continues ringing]
3
00:00:44,260 --> 00:00:47,129
So you want me
to answer that or...?
4
00:00:47,131 --> 00:00:48,897
No, I'll get it.
5
00:00:48,899 --> 00:00:50,733
It was probably
the cops again.
6
00:00:50,735 --> 00:00:53,402
Really?
You think so?
7
00:00:53,404 --> 00:00:55,571
[radio chatter][boingo]I do.
8
00:00:55,573 --> 00:00:58,974
My plan is in shambles!
9
00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:02,745
[shapiro]
so, hey, listen...
10
00:01:02,747 --> 00:01:03,812
[whimpers]
11
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:04,980
I know, right?
12
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,783
He just soaks me.
13
00:01:07,785 --> 00:01:09,585
Maybe we should--
y-you know,
14
00:01:09,587 --> 00:01:12,421
You should cut your losses
and surrender.
15
00:01:12,423 --> 00:01:14,657
I mean, you haven't
really hurt anybody.
16
00:01:14,659 --> 00:01:18,594
No, not yet, mr.--
Shapiro, was it?
17
00:01:18,596 --> 00:01:21,597
So glad you could rejoin us.
Take him somewhere.
18
00:01:21,599 --> 00:01:24,600
Maybe there's a workshop
with pliers, a car battery...
[shapiro whimpers]
19
00:01:24,602 --> 00:01:27,970
And find out where
veronica deane is
with that damn necklace!
20
00:01:27,972 --> 00:01:30,272
Well, she's not
in the basement.
21
00:01:30,274 --> 00:01:32,775
Or in the attic.
Or in the refrigerator.
22
00:01:32,777 --> 00:01:34,443
Why would she be
in the refrigerator?
23
00:01:34,445 --> 00:01:36,278
I don't know.
You said look everywhere.
24
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:38,013
Yeah, he's right. You did.
That does sound like you.
25
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,615
Come on, ya rat shyster.
Move it.
26
00:01:39,617 --> 00:01:41,316
But I don't know
where she--
[grunts]
27
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:44,787
Come on!
I'm sorry.
How rude of me.
28
00:01:44,789 --> 00:01:46,955
Would anyone else
like to join mr. Shapiro?
29
00:01:46,957 --> 00:01:50,626
[overlapping responses]
but I would like
to call my babysitter.
30
00:01:50,628 --> 00:01:52,828
Too bad!
Could we at least
use the bathroom?
31
00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:53,962
[overlapping pleading]
32
00:01:53,964 --> 00:01:55,831
You just went!
33
00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:57,666
That was, like,
four hours ago!
34
00:01:57,668 --> 00:01:59,368
No, it was...
35
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,370
[frustrated yell]
36
00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:03,138
Oh, my god!
37
00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:05,207
I'm so turned on,
I think I'm actually
getting dehydrated.
38
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:08,143
When this is over,
remind me to kick your tits off.
39
00:02:08,145 --> 00:02:09,678
No.
40
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:12,548
[sighs]
split them up,
men and women.
41
00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:14,483
All right.
You have five minutes.
42
00:02:14,485 --> 00:02:16,652
Mr. Nurple and mr. Giggles
will escort you.
43
00:02:16,654 --> 00:02:20,989
And so help me god,
if you people try anything...
44
00:02:20,991 --> 00:02:24,993
Uh, yeah. Uh, then what
do you want us to do?
45
00:02:24,995 --> 00:02:26,328
Wh-- reprisals!
46
00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:28,530
Swift and brutal reprisals!
47
00:02:28,532 --> 00:02:31,033
That was clearly implied!
48
00:02:31,035 --> 00:02:34,169
Where are you,
veronica deane?
49
00:02:34,171 --> 00:02:37,005
And where the hell
is pinky brewster?
50
00:02:37,007 --> 00:02:39,508
[archer]
so, good news
and bad news.
51
00:02:39,510 --> 00:02:42,010
Bad news is,
the doors and windows
are hermetically sealed,
52
00:02:42,012 --> 00:02:44,680
There's six gunmen out there
whose leader is insane,
53
00:02:44,682 --> 00:02:47,850
A jumpy swat team
dying to go full-on attica,
54
00:02:47,852 --> 00:02:50,018
And a room full of hostages,
one of whom--
55
00:02:50,020 --> 00:02:51,587
Which I guess
shouldn't surprise me,
56
00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:54,056
But somehow still does--
has coulrophilia.
57
00:02:54,058 --> 00:02:56,525
Cool what?
Coulrophilia.
Apparently,
58
00:02:56,527 --> 00:02:58,694
It's a sexual attraction
to clowns.
59
00:02:58,696 --> 00:03:02,364
Good news is,
I got you the last slice
of pepperoni and mushroom.
60
00:03:02,366 --> 00:03:04,366
That's the good news.
61
00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:06,602
I mean...
62
00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:09,204
Relatively.
63
00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:11,273
♪
64
00:03:45,241 --> 00:03:46,742
[police radio chatter]
65
00:03:46,744 --> 00:03:49,311
Okay, so the doors
and windows are sealed.
66
00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:53,115
You got six or seven
of these mopes in there,
dressed as clowns.
67
00:03:53,117 --> 00:03:54,917
And they let most
of the hostages go.
68
00:03:54,919 --> 00:03:56,819
But so far,
they've made no demands.
69
00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:58,420
I mean, just pizza, but--
70
00:03:58,422 --> 00:03:59,988
And you were
in charge here?
71
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,657
Yeah, I-- wait.
What do you mean "were"?
72
00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:03,158
It's the past tense
of "are."
73
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,993
Yeah. You're relieved,
gnome-nuts. Gimme that.
74
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:07,830
Yeah, or I could hold it, or--
I'm sorry.
Who are you guys?
75
00:04:07,832 --> 00:04:10,766
The guys who haven't been
standing around all night
with their dicks in their hands
76
00:04:10,768 --> 00:04:14,770
While a simple
hostage negotiation spirals
into a televised cluster-fluck.
77
00:04:14,772 --> 00:04:16,638
Phone. Let's go.
Well, we just tried
to call them,
78
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,607
But then we heard
a gunshot, so...
Gimme that.
79
00:04:18,609 --> 00:04:20,309
Or I could hold that one,
maybe.
80
00:04:20,311 --> 00:04:22,110
Now, if you think
you're up to the task,
81
00:04:22,112 --> 00:04:24,146
Go negotiate us some coffee.
[line ringing]
82
00:04:24,148 --> 00:04:27,783
And while you're at it,
negotiate my coffee
as a cold-brew, iced!
83
00:04:27,785 --> 00:04:30,819
It's got, like, a third
of the acid, which is
easier on mr. Tum-tums.
84
00:04:30,821 --> 00:04:33,155
[rompers]
now, you listen to me, pig!
85
00:04:33,157 --> 00:04:35,791
If I want to talk,
I will call you.
86
00:04:35,793 --> 00:04:37,860
In the meantime,
every time the phone rings,
87
00:04:37,862 --> 00:04:42,197
I will execute a hostage
and shove their limp
and bloody corpse
88
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:45,300
Off the roof,
on live television!
89
00:04:45,302 --> 00:04:46,501
Is that clear?
90
00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:48,370
Yep.
[dial tone]
91
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:51,807
Well, how'd it go?
92
00:04:51,809 --> 00:04:53,709
Not great!
[feedback]
93
00:04:53,711 --> 00:04:56,478
Well, how'd it go?
[groans]
not great.
94
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,513
Not you!
Not great, though.
95
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:01,383
Yeah, we kicked
the shit out of him.
So embarrassing.
96
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:05,020
So, pretty sure
he honestly has no idea
where veronica deane is.
97
00:05:05,022 --> 00:05:06,855
I hate to say it,
but I believe you.
98
00:05:06,857 --> 00:05:09,725
Shame it took us
an entire spleen to get here.
99
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:13,528
Shut up.
Do you think emeralds melt?
Why?
100
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:18,033
Because I'm about
to burn this damn house down
and sift through the ashes.
101
00:05:18,035 --> 00:05:20,736
So, please, can you just
go find us a way out of here?
102
00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:23,572
Don't worry.
I'm gonna get you out,
one way or another.
103
00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:26,842
In the meantime, maybe I
should hold on to the tsarina.
Why?
104
00:05:26,844 --> 00:05:28,343
In case those assholes
find you in here.
105
00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:30,212
It's our only
bargaining chip.
106
00:05:30,214 --> 00:05:31,847
All right.
But please hurry.
107
00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:35,550
I-- I really need
to use the restroom.
108
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,586
Yeah. Sorry.
I've been giving
that some thought,
109
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:40,188
And if I were you--
yes?
110
00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:43,025
Desk drawer.
Ugh!
111
00:05:43,027 --> 00:05:44,860
[toilet flushing]
[krieger]
oh, my god!
112
00:05:44,862 --> 00:05:46,228
[zipper zips up]
I hope you're not on septic.
113
00:05:46,230 --> 00:05:48,230
Ugh! Have you
no decency, man?
114
00:05:48,232 --> 00:05:51,199
We said only
number ones, krieger!
115
00:05:51,201 --> 00:05:53,936
I never agreed to that.
Yes, you absolutely did!
116
00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:55,604
Well?
Well, what?
117
00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:58,073
Well, what's the plan?
To escape!
118
00:05:58,075 --> 00:06:01,710
Impossible! Unless we
can override the controls
for these panic doors.
119
00:06:01,712 --> 00:06:03,412
Which-- why do you
even have those?
120
00:06:03,414 --> 00:06:05,380
Well, I've made a lot
of enemies in this town.
121
00:06:05,382 --> 00:06:07,716
But I think we should do
what these people say.
They're unhinged.
122
00:06:07,718 --> 00:06:09,418
If we try to escape,
they'll kill us.
123
00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:12,054
Yeah. Plus,
let archer handle it.
Wait. Let who?
124
00:06:12,056 --> 00:06:13,956
Archer, one of
my detectives. He's--
125
00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:15,924
He's probably sneaking around
out there, as we speak,
126
00:06:15,926 --> 00:06:18,393
Snapping necks
and cramming ears
full of ice picks.
127
00:06:18,395 --> 00:06:20,562
[toilet flushing]
[lana]
oh, please!
128
00:06:20,564 --> 00:06:23,065
The only thing archer's cramming
is a very average-sized dick
129
00:06:23,067 --> 00:06:25,267
Into veronica deane's
very old twatch.
130
00:06:25,269 --> 00:06:26,768
What are you
talking about?
131
00:06:26,770 --> 00:06:28,270
He was totally
making out with her, malory,
132
00:06:28,272 --> 00:06:30,072
In front of god
and everybody!
133
00:06:30,074 --> 00:06:32,407
Oh. Well, even if he was--
which he was!
134
00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:36,111
...I'm sure it was only because
you were throwing yourself
at ellis crane.
135
00:06:36,113 --> 00:06:37,279
What?
136
00:06:37,281 --> 00:06:38,814
Suck it, bechdel test.
137
00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:40,983
You suck it, missy!
And even though
138
00:06:40,985 --> 00:06:43,952
You were flirting with crane
like a d-girl wannabe--
what?
139
00:06:43,954 --> 00:06:48,256
...You know sterling
is somewhere in this house,
risking his life to save ours.
140
00:06:48,258 --> 00:06:50,258
In fact,
I bet he's already
taken out a clown,
141
00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:53,829
Put on his clothes and mask,
and infiltrated the enemy.
142
00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:56,598
[all gasp]
five minutes is up.
Let's go!
143
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,800
Oh, for god's sake!
Ugh, wasn't done!
144
00:06:58,802 --> 00:07:03,105
Hmm?
Infiltrated the enemy, huh?
145
00:07:03,107 --> 00:07:04,606
The what?
146
00:07:04,608 --> 00:07:07,609
Enema! Just talking
about enemas, and, uh,
147
00:07:07,611 --> 00:07:09,678
How clean and fresh
they make you feel.
148
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,280
I mean, not you, per se,
but people, ya know,
in general, I guess.
149
00:07:12,282 --> 00:07:14,983
And kids, also, maybe.
I don't know what kids
are into these days.
150
00:07:14,985 --> 00:07:17,319
Are whippits still a thing?
Point is...
151
00:07:17,321 --> 00:07:19,087
Shitter's clogged!
152
00:07:29,465 --> 00:07:30,799
[archer]okay, so
153
00:07:30,801 --> 00:07:34,336
First I need
to stash the tsarina,
which...
154
00:07:34,338 --> 00:07:36,038
[shivering]
ha-ha, ho-ho-ho...
155
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,306
Don't know
what I was expecting.
156
00:07:38,308 --> 00:07:41,209
Okay, now to see if I can
override the security system
157
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,011
And get those
steel doors open.
158
00:07:43,013 --> 00:07:44,980
Okay, okay, so, then,
let me throw this out there
159
00:07:44,982 --> 00:07:48,183
And see if the cat licks it up:
We cut the power.
160
00:07:48,185 --> 00:07:50,652
To the house--
zerp!
161
00:07:50,654 --> 00:07:53,488
...And, by extension,
then, the steel doors.
162
00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:55,991
Oh, right.
They are electric.
163
00:07:55,993 --> 00:07:58,560
Yeah, so do you and kitty
wanna lick me through
how that's supposed to work?
164
00:07:58,562 --> 00:08:00,495
And so, now,
what was your idea?
165
00:08:00,497 --> 00:08:02,998
Two squads of six,
breach formation,
166
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,367
Shape charges on steel doors
here and here,
[beeping]
167
00:08:05,369 --> 00:08:08,236
Detonate, ingress,
take out hostiles
168
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,739
With flash-bangs,
and/or beanbags,
169
00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:14,176
Secure the friendlies,
achieve egress, drop mic.
We're out.
170
00:08:14,178 --> 00:08:16,578
Yeah. The second you
blow the doors, they're
gonna execute everybody.
171
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:20,348
Which is the tactical
equivalent of a cat puking
on your duvet cover.
172
00:08:20,350 --> 00:08:23,518
Come on. Let's go.
Here we go.
Move it, move it, move it.
173
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,554
Let's go, ladies.
Move it, move it, move it.
Let's go!
174
00:08:25,556 --> 00:08:29,691
Hang on. I got a big old wad
of toilet paper
stuck on my shoe.
175
00:08:29,693 --> 00:08:31,393
Ugh!
Seriously.
176
00:08:31,395 --> 00:08:34,563
And I really need to check in
with my babysitter, so--
177
00:08:34,565 --> 00:08:36,364
Typical.
Shut up.
178
00:08:36,366 --> 00:08:38,066
Make me. Ow!
179
00:08:38,068 --> 00:08:39,734
Hey, knock it off,
you two!
180
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:41,536
[slap lands]
damn it!
I said knock it off!
181
00:08:41,538 --> 00:08:42,904
[cheryl]
make me. Ow!
[slap lands]
182
00:08:42,906 --> 00:08:44,940
Okay! Jesus!
183
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:47,375
Ooh! Looks so good!
184
00:08:47,377 --> 00:08:49,411
Well...
[bones cracking]
185
00:08:49,413 --> 00:08:52,214
Hope I'm not allergic
to clown blood.
186
00:08:52,216 --> 00:08:55,383
S'up, ding-dong?
Wh-- why the hell
are you in here?
187
00:08:55,385 --> 00:08:58,920
I heard you were getting
your ass beat.
188
00:08:58,922 --> 00:09:00,889
[beeping]
oh, for the--
189
00:09:00,891 --> 00:09:03,058
What is this, norad?
190
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,926
Damn it.
You'd have to be, like...
[snaps fingers]
191
00:09:04,928 --> 00:09:06,094
Ray!
192
00:09:06,096 --> 00:09:07,562
Hang on.
I had something for...
193
00:09:07,564 --> 00:09:10,398
Was it ain't-two-dee-two?
194
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,334
Eh...
195
00:09:13,436 --> 00:09:15,637
Okay, so, if you're right--
which--
196
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:17,906
Merely for the sake of argument,
let's say you are,
197
00:09:17,908 --> 00:09:19,741
And archer has
infiltrated these guys--
198
00:09:19,743 --> 00:09:22,077
We have to find out
which one is him.
199
00:09:22,079 --> 00:09:23,278
Which...
200
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:24,813
Ow! Hey, cut it out.
201
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:26,481
Ow! Come--
ow! Damn it! Come on!
202
00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,151
That's--
ow! Okay! Ow!
203
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:33,255
What is he doing?
Sterling's got the rest
of his life to slap cyril.
204
00:09:33,257 --> 00:09:35,257
No! No!
[whistles]
excuse me.
205
00:09:35,259 --> 00:09:37,959
Okay! Stop! Ow! Ow!
Excuse me, green one?
206
00:09:37,961 --> 00:09:39,761
She needs
the bathroom again.
207
00:09:39,763 --> 00:09:41,463
You just went!
208
00:09:41,465 --> 00:09:44,099
I know, but--
she has diarrhea!
209
00:09:44,101 --> 00:09:44,933
Ugh!
210
00:09:44,935 --> 00:09:46,268
Seriously.
211
00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:47,969
Ya know--
what?
You were the one
212
00:09:47,971 --> 00:09:50,338
Shoving pizza in your gob
like it owed you money.
213
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,607
Doesn't even makes sense.
[frustrated yelling]
214
00:09:52,609 --> 00:09:55,143
Giggles, go with her.
215
00:09:55,145 --> 00:09:57,779
Yes, you! Idiot!
216
00:09:57,781 --> 00:09:59,281
Psst!
217
00:09:59,283 --> 00:10:01,650
[singsongy]
ready when you are.
218
00:10:01,652 --> 00:10:02,651
Blech.
219
00:10:02,653 --> 00:10:04,619
Seriously.
220
00:10:04,621 --> 00:10:07,155
Did you see that?
Malory just winked at that guy.
221
00:10:07,157 --> 00:10:09,958
Do you think she's in
on the caper?
Or just giving him props
222
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,860
For slapping the dog piss
outta cyril.
223
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,161
Yeah, that does
make more sense.
224
00:10:13,163 --> 00:10:16,198
But either way,
not cool.
225
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,967
[snoring]
[pam laughing]
welp.
226
00:10:18,969 --> 00:10:21,803
Stay cold, pony boy.
[laughs]
227
00:10:21,805 --> 00:10:23,138
Eh...
228
00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:25,307
Okay, now I just
gotta find archer.
229
00:10:25,309 --> 00:10:27,876
What?
I said, here is good.
230
00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:29,344
So go ahead.
Huh?
231
00:10:29,346 --> 00:10:31,146
Okay.
How about for starters,
232
00:10:31,148 --> 00:10:34,382
"I'm sorry I kissed
that old woman"?
Mm, okay.
233
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,318
"I don't know what got into me.
I can only assume
234
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,020
It was my repressed desire
to sleep with my own mother."
235
00:10:39,022 --> 00:10:40,155
Uh...
[chuckles]
236
00:10:40,157 --> 00:10:41,823
Okay.
[chuckles]
wow!
237
00:10:41,825 --> 00:10:44,659
So this is all just
a big joke to you, huh?
238
00:10:44,661 --> 00:10:47,229
Meanwhile,
I guess we get killed
by a bunch of clowns,
239
00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:49,231
And a.J. Gets to go live
in an orphanage!
240
00:10:49,233 --> 00:10:52,167
Well, if we live through this,
we are gonna have
a long talk, archer.
241
00:10:52,169 --> 00:10:54,002
Who?
[imitating giggles]
"who"?
242
00:10:54,004 --> 00:10:55,670
[guffaws]
quit dicking around.
243
00:10:55,672 --> 00:10:58,673
I know you took out
the green clown, and-- and...
244
00:10:58,675 --> 00:11:01,076
Took his, uh...
♪ [string quartet]
245
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,377
[both]
oh, shit!
246
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:04,613
[both grunting]
247
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,184
Rompers!
[rompers]goddamn it!
248
00:11:09,186 --> 00:11:12,087
[grunts]
I said radio silence!
249
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:13,188
[huffs]
250
00:11:13,190 --> 00:11:15,624
[grunts]
251
00:11:18,027 --> 00:11:19,094
Your hands are so big!
[straining]
252
00:11:19,096 --> 00:11:20,195
[grunts]
253
00:11:20,197 --> 00:11:21,563
[groans]
[sighs]
254
00:11:21,565 --> 00:11:24,633
Son of a... Bitch-ass clown!
255
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,372
[cheryl]
ugh! Finally!
256
00:11:30,374 --> 00:11:32,540
Jesus! No wonder
mozart went deaf.
257
00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:35,543
I swear to god,
one more word out of you,
[cocks rifle]
258
00:11:35,545 --> 00:11:40,882
And you'll... Have to have
your brain's mail
forwarded to the ceiling!
259
00:11:40,884 --> 00:11:43,051
[gasps, sighs]
260
00:11:43,053 --> 00:11:45,287
That was technically
not a word.
261
00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:48,223
And what really
chaps my cheeks,
besides ruining that dress,
262
00:11:48,225 --> 00:11:52,794
Is now I have to have
that exact same stupid argument
all over again with archer!
263
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:56,564
But first I gotta
figure out which one
of these scrote-licks is him.
264
00:11:56,566 --> 00:11:59,467
And then I am
gonna let him have it!
265
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,436
And then, boom,
we're outta here.
266
00:12:01,438 --> 00:12:03,571
And then
veronica deane's like,
267
00:12:03,573 --> 00:12:07,409
[imitating veronica]
"archer, you saved me
and the tsarina!"
268
00:12:07,411 --> 00:12:11,579
And then she swoons,
and I catch her,
and there is a moment, and...
269
00:12:11,581 --> 00:12:15,183
Honestly, I don't see
what could possibly go wrong.
270
00:12:26,762 --> 00:12:28,263
Look, we're running
out of time here.
271
00:12:28,265 --> 00:12:29,831
Those perps gotta
be panicking by now,
272
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:32,267
And panic
equals dead hostages.
273
00:12:32,269 --> 00:12:35,337
Yeah, well,
so does barging in there with
shape charges and flash-bangs.
274
00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:39,174
Okay. Okay. So, then,
I'm gonna just throw this
out there:
275
00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:40,942
Knockout gas!
276
00:12:40,944 --> 00:12:42,477
Knockout gas.
Yeah.
277
00:12:42,479 --> 00:12:44,112
In the, uh--
whatcha-madoo-- hvac.
278
00:12:44,114 --> 00:12:47,282
Ooh!
Or how bout a freeze ray?
Uh...
279
00:12:47,284 --> 00:12:50,485
Yeah, we just freeze 'em
into giant icicles
and hit 'em with a hammer.
280
00:12:50,487 --> 00:12:53,521
Do we-- do we have
that technology?
281
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:57,659
Son of a--
could've sworn this hallway
led back to the foyer.
282
00:12:57,661 --> 00:12:59,361
Or maybe the dining room?
283
00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:01,629
How the hell did I get
so turned around?
284
00:13:01,631 --> 00:13:03,298
Oh, and bigger question:
285
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,367
How the hell am I gonna tell
which clown is archer?
286
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,869
You didn't think about that,
did ya, poovey?
287
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:11,139
I'm sorry.
I honestly thought knockout gas
was an actual thing.
288
00:13:11,141 --> 00:13:13,708
Idiot.
Some kind of drug,
maybe, but...
289
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,378
[gasps]
[gasps]
no, no, no, not the phone!
290
00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:19,180
Oh, shit. Right.
Limp, bloody corpses.
291
00:13:19,182 --> 00:13:22,317
[clears throat]
okay, so, uh, hey, uh...
292
00:13:22,319 --> 00:13:25,520
Listen, I bet you guys
are getting pretty hungry
in there again, huh?
293
00:13:25,522 --> 00:13:27,021
Uh, is he joking?
294
00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:29,391
I hope not.
I can actually eat.
295
00:13:29,393 --> 00:13:32,527
And speaking of,
where is pam?
296
00:13:32,529 --> 00:13:36,831
So, what say we, uh,
send in some more hot pizzas?
What do ya say?
297
00:13:36,833 --> 00:13:38,500
[clicks off]
298
00:13:38,502 --> 00:13:41,669
[phone ringing]
[gasps]
I bet that's them!
299
00:13:41,671 --> 00:13:42,737
[ringing continues]
300
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,839
Go for harris.
Uh-huh.
301
00:13:44,841 --> 00:13:47,409
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
302
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:50,178
No, no, no.
No, yeah, I got it.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
303
00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:51,413
Yep.
[beeps off]
304
00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:53,748
He said no.
Aah!
305
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:57,018
And that even if they did
want pizza for the hostages,
which they don't,
306
00:13:57,020 --> 00:13:59,721
The perps wouldn't eat it
'cause they know we'd put
sleeping pills in it.
307
00:13:59,723 --> 00:14:01,923
Damn it!
[sighs]
308
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:04,359
[gasps]
what about calzones?
[snaps fingers]
309
00:14:04,361 --> 00:14:07,028
[horn blaring]
ow! Come on!
310
00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:09,063
I don't think his problem
was with the food shape.
311
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:11,065
I don't know.
I couldn't hear him!
312
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,700
Not the one
hogging the phone.
313
00:14:12,702 --> 00:14:15,203
Okay. All right.
Did I, or did I not,
let you drive?
314
00:14:15,205 --> 00:14:17,872
[sighs]
okay, cowboy,
let's do it your way.
315
00:14:17,874 --> 00:14:19,707
Out-effing-standing.
316
00:14:19,709 --> 00:14:21,943
Bravo one, bravo two,
listen up.
317
00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:24,379
I'm sorry, boss.
We just can't find her.
318
00:14:24,381 --> 00:14:26,548
Or pinky or giggles
or yum-yum,
319
00:14:26,550 --> 00:14:29,717
Which is kind of creepy
since this place
is on lockdown.
320
00:14:29,719 --> 00:14:33,955
Ah, but doesn't
the cunning rat find his way
off a sinking ship?
321
00:14:33,957 --> 00:14:36,558
I think that's
mostly via ropes?
322
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,427
Sinking, oingo,
as are my dreams,
323
00:14:39,429 --> 00:14:41,896
Into the icy black waters
of failure.
324
00:14:41,898 --> 00:14:46,734
For though mightily
I toil and strive,
the tsarina shall not be mine.
325
00:14:46,736 --> 00:14:48,937
So, uh, what do we do now?
326
00:14:48,939 --> 00:14:51,473
I guess we go
with plan x.
327
00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:54,676
Uh...
[chuckles nervously]
w-what's plan x?
328
00:14:58,280 --> 00:14:59,747
Oh, for...
329
00:14:59,749 --> 00:15:01,082
Eat a dick, mansion.
330
00:15:01,084 --> 00:15:02,283
[gasps]
331
00:15:02,285 --> 00:15:05,820
Said the spider
to the... Clown.
332
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:07,489
[sighs]
what, did I walk onto
the titan--
333
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:10,492
[both grunting]
♪ [string quartet]
334
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:22,403
[groans]
335
00:15:27,276 --> 00:15:30,445
Holy shit-house!
That must be archer
and a bad guy!
336
00:15:30,447 --> 00:15:32,947
But which is which?
Should I shoot one--
wait-- or both?
337
00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:35,149
Just blow off everybody's
kneecaps and then apologize
to one of 'em?
338
00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:38,820
Wait, what am I saying?
All the other bad guys
will hear the shotgun!
339
00:15:38,822 --> 00:15:41,689
[sighs]
well...
[bones crack]
340
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,424
[yelling]
341
00:15:46,161 --> 00:15:47,996
Aw, damn it!
342
00:15:47,998 --> 00:15:49,364
[screaming]
[both groan]
343
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:50,899
[both grunting]
344
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:56,871
[yelling]
345
00:15:58,474 --> 00:16:00,308
[yelling]
[groans]
346
00:16:00,310 --> 00:16:01,743
[groans]
347
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,047
[yells]
348
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:08,316
[screams]
349
00:16:08,318 --> 00:16:11,319
Holy shit-snacks!
Wh-- pam?
350
00:16:11,321 --> 00:16:13,154
[pam, lana]
archer?
No?
351
00:16:13,156 --> 00:16:14,522
[pam, lana]
goddamn it!
352
00:16:14,524 --> 00:16:16,024
You idiots!
Us?
353
00:16:16,026 --> 00:16:17,525
The only idiot in here
354
00:16:17,527 --> 00:16:19,827
Is the one who made out
with veronica deane!
355
00:16:19,829 --> 00:16:23,731
Hey, first of all,
she kissed me.
I didn't kiss her.
356
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,667
But even if I did kiss her,
which I didn't,
357
00:16:25,669 --> 00:16:28,169
It was because you were flirting
with ellis crane!
358
00:16:28,171 --> 00:16:31,506
He was flirting with me!
Oh, my god!
359
00:16:31,508 --> 00:16:33,241
Oh, god!
Seriously?
360
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,843
I wish I'd blown off
both of you guys's kneecaps.
361
00:16:35,845 --> 00:16:37,579
Jesus.
Not cool, pam.
362
00:16:37,581 --> 00:16:39,514
Oh, eat my asshole!
363
00:16:39,516 --> 00:16:42,016
Now what are we gonna do
about the hostage situation?
364
00:16:42,018 --> 00:16:43,685
[archer, lana]
oh, right.
365
00:16:43,687 --> 00:16:45,587
All right.
My guys are in position
366
00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:47,855
And ready to blow the doors
on your command.
367
00:16:47,857 --> 00:16:50,925
On whose command?
Who the hell
is in charge here?
368
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,860
Well, sir, I think,
technically, you.
369
00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:54,596
But this guy's
been calling the shots.
What?
370
00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:57,765
Yeah. So, uh, yeah.
We'll just leave you to it.
371
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,867
Who the hell
were those guys?
372
00:16:59,869 --> 00:17:01,703
Don't shoot!
Don't shoot!
373
00:17:01,705 --> 00:17:04,205
We're coming out.
They let us go.
374
00:17:04,207 --> 00:17:06,374
That's what happened,
and we're just
some innocent hostages.
375
00:17:06,376 --> 00:17:08,109
[quietly]
you really think
this is gonna work?
376
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:10,244
[quietly]
it will if you shut
your fat mouth.
377
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:12,213
Are there any more
hostages inside?
378
00:17:12,215 --> 00:17:15,550
Mm, nope.
Just those hideous clowns.
379
00:17:15,552 --> 00:17:17,752
[cyril] we're gonna die,
we're gonna die, we're gonna
die, we're gonna die...
380
00:17:17,754 --> 00:17:19,921
Oh, shut up!
Seriously!
381
00:17:19,923 --> 00:17:22,090
But when the swat team
smashes in here and yells,
382
00:17:22,092 --> 00:17:24,092
"drop your weapons,"
we won't be able to,
383
00:17:24,094 --> 00:17:26,227
And then
they're gonna shoot us,
and we're gonna die!
384
00:17:26,229 --> 00:17:28,262
[sobbing]
we're gonna die!
We're gonna die...
385
00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:29,564
Oh, my god, he's right.
Yeah, that'll happen.
386
00:17:29,566 --> 00:17:31,566
[archer]
what the shit?
387
00:17:31,568 --> 00:17:34,902
Uh, why is
everybody clowns?
388
00:17:34,904 --> 00:17:37,438
♪
389
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,073
Go, go, go, go, go!
390
00:17:39,075 --> 00:17:40,241
[explosion]
391
00:17:40,243 --> 00:17:42,777
No, no, no!
[all yelling]
392
00:17:42,779 --> 00:17:45,413
[distorted]
oh, no!
393
00:17:45,415 --> 00:17:46,948
[distorted shouting]
394
00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:47,949
No, no, no, no!
395
00:17:47,951 --> 00:17:49,751
Don't shoot!
396
00:17:49,753 --> 00:17:50,752
[distorted]
come on! No!
397
00:17:50,754 --> 00:17:52,887
[distorted grunting]
398
00:17:54,256 --> 00:17:55,690
No!
399
00:18:00,596 --> 00:18:02,330
[distorted groaning]
400
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:04,298
[distorted laughing]
401
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,034
[distorted groaning]
402
00:18:13,442 --> 00:18:16,511
[distorted]
this was my...
403
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:20,548
Third best birthday.
[groans]
404
00:18:29,291 --> 00:18:31,459
[sighs]
405
00:18:31,461 --> 00:18:33,995
And, so,
what did we learn?
406
00:18:33,997 --> 00:18:36,664
If anything.
Well, for starters,
beanbags.
407
00:18:36,666 --> 00:18:39,200
How the hell is that
a toy for kids?
408
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,202
Guess we're lucky the police
don't shoot lawn darts.
409
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:43,971
Oh, thank god,
he's right about something.
Or horseshoes.
410
00:18:43,973 --> 00:18:46,007
Note to self--
[group]
krieger!
411
00:18:46,009 --> 00:18:48,309
What?
That was an unrelated
note to self!
412
00:18:48,311 --> 00:18:50,211
[quietly]
lawn dart rifle.
413
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:53,181
Ugh! Are we at least
gonna get paid back
for all of our medical bills?
414
00:18:53,183 --> 00:18:55,650
Sterling is with shapiro
as we speak,
415
00:18:55,652 --> 00:18:58,319
Presenting him
with an itemized bill.
416
00:18:58,321 --> 00:19:00,722
[shapiro]
but you must realize,
mr. Archer,
417
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:03,658
I won't pay
one thin dime of this.
418
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:07,361
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot.
It's opposite day.
419
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:12,033
Which means a bunch of cops
didn't shoot the shit out of me
with beanbags, which--
420
00:19:12,035 --> 00:19:15,002
How is that a kid's toy?
Which means I don't know
421
00:19:15,004 --> 00:19:17,839
You hired those clowns
to steal the tsarina!
422
00:19:17,841 --> 00:19:20,575
[gasps]
but h-how did you know?
423
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:22,677
I didn't.
You just told me.
424
00:19:22,679 --> 00:19:23,911
Oh, damn it!
425
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:25,580
Yeah.
Not great. For you.
426
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,349
I mean, when veronica
finds out you did this.
427
00:19:28,351 --> 00:19:29,851
I did it for her.
428
00:19:29,853 --> 00:19:31,385
[laughs]
she's broke.
429
00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:33,888
My god, she's got
all these bills to pay--
430
00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:36,057
Health insurance,
a huge mortgage...
431
00:19:36,059 --> 00:19:38,025
She can't eat a bunch
of diamonds and emeralds.
432
00:19:38,027 --> 00:19:41,095
So you hired those clowns
to steal it, to get
the insurance money...
433
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:43,264
Old clients of mine.
I got 'em out of jail,
434
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,399
But then they
double-cross me.
435
00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:48,436
And now I bet
they're gonna kill me!
Yeah, probably.
436
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:50,905
So, the tsarina is worth...
437
00:19:50,907 --> 00:19:52,874
I mean, like,
four million.
438
00:19:52,876 --> 00:19:55,076
And you were gonna
pay the clowns,
so you didn't have to worry
439
00:19:55,078 --> 00:19:56,577
About the cops
or the insurance company?
440
00:19:56,579 --> 00:20:00,214
Like, a s--
four hundred grand?
441
00:20:00,216 --> 00:20:02,884
Yeah. So, I'm gonna need
a half a million in--
442
00:20:02,886 --> 00:20:05,620
I don't know.
Have you got krugerrands?
I mean...
443
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,388
Yeah.
Super. So, that.
444
00:20:07,390 --> 00:20:09,457
And then, if you hear
from rompers and his gang--
445
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,392
Which--
...You let me know.
446
00:20:11,394 --> 00:20:14,629
I owe him one.
So, you'll protect me?
447
00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:16,564
No. I'll protect
veronica deane.
448
00:20:16,566 --> 00:20:19,934
[coins jingling]
oh, so, did she ask
about me, or--
449
00:20:19,936 --> 00:20:23,604
Did she...
[laughing]
450
00:20:23,606 --> 00:20:26,073
Oh, mr....
451
00:20:26,075 --> 00:20:28,276
[laughing continues]
452
00:20:28,278 --> 00:20:29,944
She...
453
00:20:29,946 --> 00:20:30,978
[sighs]
454
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:34,649
Whew! No.
455
00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:37,652
There's a nice way
to do that.
35001
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