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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,586 --> 00:00:04,754 Jeez Larue, can you believe this? 2 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:07,965 A mandatory meeting at 7 a.m.? 3 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,885 Wonder what crawled up her butt. Ugh, there's no telling. 4 00:00:11,387 --> 00:00:14,097 Our bodies are aswarm with microscopic organisms, Pam. 5 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:16,140 Literally aswarm. 6 00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:17,809 Wait, what? What have you heard? 7 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:19,143 About the staff meeting? 8 00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:20,770 Oh, right, yes. Never mind. 9 00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:22,647 Then may I suggest we get up there... 10 00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:26,109 ...so we don't have to find out what "grave consequences" means? 11 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:29,445 It means... In the context of her memo. 12 00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:31,447 Jesus, what's up his butt? 13 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:35,993 I think the important thing now is that we don't start any sort of panic. 14 00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:38,204 Hurry up, you ding-dongs. 15 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:40,331 Wait, wait, wait, I'm coming. Hurry up. 16 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:43,042 Come on, come on, come on. Oh, keep your panties on. 17 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,544 One step ahead of you. 18 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,088 Or am I? 19 00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:51,092 - Wait. Is Archer blowing this off? - No. Hold the door. Hold the door. 20 00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:53,010 I am. It's not doing anything. 21 00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:57,765 Damn it, Ray, hold the fricking door. Oh, no, it's Maximum Overdrive all over... 22 00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:03,187 Oh, good, you made it. 23 00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:07,483 Look, Ray, one is red and one is green. What are you, color blind? 24 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,652 I am, actually. 25 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,406 Typical. Of what? 26 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,868 So does anybody have any idea what this meeting is about? 27 00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:19,078 Well, if I know Miss Archer... Butt bugs. 28 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:20,663 Ha, what? Not what I was... 29 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,583 Ugh, that was a figure of speech. They all are. 30 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,251 Hey. Will you quit yelling? 31 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,502 Will you? Yes. 32 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:27,837 Hey. Remain calm. 33 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,005 Do not panic. 34 00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:32,425 No one's panicking, Krieger. Only because they haven't hatched yet. 35 00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:33,634 Who? What? 36 00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:35,052 What hasn't hatched? What? 37 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,262 Quit yelling! 38 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,347 What hasn't hatched? I've said too much. 39 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,475 Krieger, I swear to... 40 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,270 We're doomed. Oh, my God. 41 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,606 Oh, my God. Remain calm. 42 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,399 Do not panic. Krieger, shut up. 43 00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:50,151 See? It's broken. Ray. 44 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:53,571 Archer? Hang on. Ray, Cyril, give me a hand here. 45 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,158 Lana. 46 00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:58,367 What? You... 47 00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,661 Should be doing this. You know... 48 00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,250 Oh, my God, we work in a coal mine? 49 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,794 Carol, shut up. 50 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,879 You're not my coal mine supervisor! 51 00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,088 Yup. Hey, guys? 52 00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:18,513 Oh, damn it. 53 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:19,889 - What? - What is it? 54 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:23,559 Well, thanks to Ray, who let's just all assume broke the elevator somehow... 55 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,812 ...we're stuck at the top. 56 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,480 Oh, God. 57 00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:31,108 I hope. 58 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,107 - Hello? - Hello! 59 00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,234 - Hello! - Hello? 60 00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:14,777 - Hello? - Hello! 61 00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,445 - Hello! - Hello? 62 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:20,658 Stop it. No one else can hear you because no one else is here yet. 63 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:24,412 Not that other people actually work here. What do you mean? Where'd they go? 64 00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:28,791 Uh, remember when the office shut down and we spent an entire year as coke dealers? 65 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,126 What, so people just quit? 66 00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:33,504 And on the subject of things that don't work here anymore, my phone. 67 00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,256 Damn it. I don't even turn... 68 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:38,092 I am sans bars. Yeah, you're not gonna get a signal. 69 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,262 I installed an RF jammer on the roof. 70 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:44,098 Of the building? No, of the elevator. 71 00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:45,516 - Why? - You did what? 72 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:49,687 Ahem. And for what possible reason? 73 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:53,024 So people would quit staring at their phones and talk to each other. 74 00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:55,943 Okay. Well, then let's open the... One, two, three, go. 75 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,613 Trapdoor. Ray, open the trapdoor. 76 00:03:58,780 --> 00:03:59,947 He can't. Wha...? 77 00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,699 Oh, my God, Cyril, please. 78 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,035 I am way stronger than you. 79 00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,871 That being said, this thing's stuck. 80 00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:09,707 It's not stuck. It's locked from the outside. 81 00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:12,668 Wait, what? It's not for stranded passengers to get out. 82 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,587 It's for rescue crews to get in. 83 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:19,133 The last thing they want is people crawling around on top of a malfunctioning elevator car. 84 00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:20,593 Who is "they"? 85 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:21,802 Big Elevator. 86 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,012 Not a thing. 87 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,306 And why do you know so much about elevators? 88 00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:26,933 I don't know. It's a hobby. 89 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,227 I guess I've just always been fascinated by them. 90 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,897 I honestly have no response to that. 91 00:04:33,065 --> 00:04:36,150 Anyway, I bet the top of the car smashed right into the motor, so... 92 00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,694 Yeesh. Hope the radio jammer's okay. 93 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,738 Ow! Ow, ow, ow! 94 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,783 Heh, thanks, Krieger. I think we all needed that. 95 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,994 And besides, we don't need cell phones. We have a... 96 00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,829 Elevator phone. Cyril, try that. 97 00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,873 I am, if you'd shut up. 98 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,292 Oh, gross. This phone is all sticky. 99 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:57,171 Yeah, mine at home gets bad sticky. Of course it does. 100 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,924 And since when are you elevator boss? Birth? 101 00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:03,761 And it's dead. Typical. 102 00:05:04,388 --> 00:05:06,722 Okay, Ray. Interface. 103 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,892 I'm sorry? With the controls. Beep, boop, boop, boop. 104 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,395 Come on, cyborg. R2-D2 it. 105 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:13,771 R2-D2 it. 106 00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:17,733 Yeah, probe around in there and whatever. Shut down the tractor beam. 107 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,485 With what, my dick? 108 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,779 I... However you normally do it. 109 00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:23,322 I don't normally do it. 110 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,032 I know, but this is an emergency. 111 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,826 Hey! Hey! 112 00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:30,204 Damn it, Carol, there's nobody... Shut up, stupid, it's Milton. 113 00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,624 Go get help, boy. 114 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,877 There's no time. Go get help. 115 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,092 Get help how? It's a toaster. 116 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,679 Well... Well, at the very least, maybe he'll bring back toast. 117 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,848 Speaking of toast, I don't know about you... 118 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,767 ...but I didn't eat any breakfast. 119 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,269 Hey, wait a second. 120 00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:55,396 Get your own goddamn bear claw. 121 00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:59,400 Cyril, what is that? Is that a bagel? No. Get off. Jeez, it's just napkins. 122 00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,819 Get the napkins. Let's just take it down a... 123 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:04,572 Shut up, we're all gonna starve! Get away. 124 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,115 Guys, come on. Hey, stop. 125 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:07,658 Knock it off. Please. Hey. 126 00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,744 Easy. Hey. Hey. Pam, stop that. 127 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,245 Everybody, calm... 128 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,047 Asshole. Shit. 129 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,090 What the hell? I'm sorry. 130 00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:27,011 Seriously, I'm sorry. I sincerely apologize for doing that. 131 00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:30,431 Archer, if you do that again... I swear to God, I won't do it again. 132 00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:32,016 You're listening for once. 133 00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:36,187 That being said, I swear to God, I will do it again. 134 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,107 Asshole. 135 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,319 Ray, shut up. Cyril, let's get that sweater vest off, buddy. 136 00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,405 I'm sorry? I know, but nobody makes you wear them. 137 00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,240 I... Why do you want it? 138 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,117 As like a tablecloth or whatever. 139 00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:54,330 We're all gonna put our food in the middle, then I'll be in charge of rationing it out. 140 00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:58,125 Why do you think you would be in charge? Because I've been lost at sea. 141 00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:01,337 Ha. What? I was lost at sea, Lana... 142 00:07:01,505 --> 00:07:03,672 ...and we had to ration the food and water. 143 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:07,635 Well, we should have. I actually ate it all while the other guy was asleep. 144 00:07:07,803 --> 00:07:10,721 Why tell us that story? If anything, that proves my point. 145 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:14,809 People like me are exactly why we have to ration our food and water. 146 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,310 People like you who? 147 00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:19,188 The strong, like me and you and Pam... 148 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,649 ...who will naturally prey on the weak... 149 00:07:21,817 --> 00:07:22,983 ...like the rest of them. 150 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:28,322 Maybe we should pool it. We don't know how long we're gonna be in here. 151 00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,408 Yeah, give it up, weakie. Pam, shut up. I'll start. 152 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:34,537 Here's maybe six ounces of bourbon. 153 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,622 If Cyril would hurry it up already. 154 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,541 For the love of God, will you just...? 155 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,585 Wait a minute. How exactly is this supposed to work? 156 00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:44,964 It puts the vest on the floor, we put food and drink on the vest. 157 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,507 Yeah, but where on the floor? 158 00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,676 There's no room. It'll get kicked over. 159 00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:51,428 Okay, so we tie the vest into like a pouch, and... 160 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:55,432 God's sake man, it has no sleeves. The food will just fall out the neck hole. 161 00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:59,687 Well, then it's official. The sweater vest is literally good for nothing. 162 00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,773 Hey, you know what...? Besides how to dress like an adult? 163 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:05,651 Well, that's the only thing you do like an adult. 164 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:06,944 Burn. 165 00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:10,364 Yeah, total burn. I hope I don't start crying later... 166 00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:13,742 ...when I'm driving an automobile to or from a bar. 167 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,536 After having sex with a prostitute. 168 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:19,456 Which is the most adult thing a person could possibly do. 169 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:22,334 I like him in vests. Me too. 170 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,586 Yeah, it works for him. 171 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:26,755 Well, thanks, ladies, that's... No, no. 172 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,424 Shut up. I need to think. 173 00:08:28,592 --> 00:08:31,051 About what? Look, this isn't that hard, people. 174 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:33,596 We've got a bagel, four coffees, a quart of beer... 175 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:34,889 Ha, ha. A quart? 176 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,183 This a 40, shorty. Thanks, Omar. 177 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:40,436 And on top of that, we've got, I'm guessing, two flasks of bourbon. 178 00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,605 I didn't know if I'd have time for lunch. 179 00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:46,317 And, Krieger? Coffee? Uh, no. 180 00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:47,943 Tea? No. 181 00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,446 What is it, soup? 182 00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:51,822 Define soup. 183 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,449 Define barf. Oh, good Lord. 184 00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:56,827 Would it be safe to say nobody wants to eat what's in your Thermos? 185 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:59,747 Ahh! Sweet Jesus God, I would hope so. 186 00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:03,667 Okay, so how about we all agree to hold on to our food and drinks for now... 187 00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:06,003 ...if for no other reason than... 188 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:07,213 Pam. Pam. 189 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,381 Oh, come on. Pam, stop it. 190 00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:15,262 Oh, God, that wasn't just bear claw. What did you eat for breakfast? 191 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,015 Linguine and clam sauce. 192 00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,308 Ew. 193 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,185 Did you wake up on the docks? 194 00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:24,521 But I don't know about those clams, though. 195 00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:29,401 As I was saying, before you, Pam, drank a third of a gallon of malt liquor... 196 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:32,613 ...maybe we shouldn't eat or drink too much, because... 197 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,573 Yes, Pam? I have to pee. 198 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,575 Come on. You just drank a 40. 199 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:39,828 That's what I was trying to say. I'm not a fricking mind-reader. 200 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:42,081 In her defense, you didn't finish. Yeah. 201 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,458 Pam, shut up. Ahh! I have an idea. 202 00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:48,045 Okay, wait, does it have anything to do with our current situation? 203 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,340 Yes. Okay, what is it? 204 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,717 We are stuck in an elevator. 205 00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:56,637 The idea, not our current situation. 206 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,014 Well, I'm not a fricking mind-reader. 207 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:00,808 Oh, my God, what if I am? 208 00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:04,353 Then I guess you'd know what we're all thinking right this very minute. 209 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,438 Okay. 210 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:09,191 You wanna drink, You wanna lecture us, you want more bear claws... 211 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,110 ...you wanna smoke, you wanna masturbate... 212 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,113 ...and you're scared we'll figure out you're a Krieger clone. 213 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,449 What? That's... That's all just common sense. 214 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,827 Common sense that she thinks I wanna masturbate? 215 00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:23,872 Come on, Cyril, for most of us, she just rattled off our obvious addictions. 216 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,125 I'm not addicted to lecturing people. 217 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,254 Lana, are you kidding? 218 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,172 Oh, come on, that's... 219 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,134 All right. And what are you laughing at, Stroker Ace? 220 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,219 I'm not addicted to masturbating. 221 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:41,223 Cyril, come on, hand on the Bible, lie detector, gun to your head... 222 00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:43,892 ...you don't wanna masturbate right now. 223 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,812 Well, not in this elevator. 224 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,564 Well, I wanna drink, so... 225 00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:50,524 And I wanna smoke, so... 226 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:52,276 Cyril ought to be able to jack it. 227 00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:53,861 Pam, shut up. Well, we tried. 228 00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:57,031 And just where exactly were you hoping to smoke that cigarette? 229 00:10:57,198 --> 00:11:00,701 Magnum, P.I.'s house, but since I'm stuck in here with you people... 230 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,537 Hey. What the shit, woman? 231 00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:07,416 The shit is that I am breastfeeding, so you will not smoke in this elevator. 232 00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,376 You wanna bet? Do you? 233 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:13,589 They're both addicted to gambling. And you're just a regular Sylvia Browne. 234 00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:16,133 I also have extreme claustrophobia. 235 00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:21,263 Psst! Cyril, try to rub one out. I do not want to masturbate. 236 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,682 Oh, for... Not even watching that? 237 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,559 Hey, guys, come on. 238 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:26,977 Hey. Much stronger hands. 239 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:34,360 I'm serious. I cannot stress this enough. You do not want tinnitus. 240 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:38,489 How about cirrhosis? Probably not that either. 241 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,366 Now then, Carol? You had an idea? 242 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,576 Ahh! Are you a mind-reader too? 243 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,037 No, you told us that you had one. 244 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,289 What? Oh, right. Yes. 245 00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:51,293 We all jump up and down at the same time to unjam this stupid thing... 246 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,295 ...it plummets down into the basement... 247 00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:57,591 ...and we boing into that giant spring at the bottom of the elevator shaft... 248 00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:00,010 ...and then are safe. 249 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:05,224 So suicide pact. An oldie but a goodie. 250 00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,600 Should we vote? Who's in? 251 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:08,102 Nope, not doing that. No. 252 00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,646 No, that works. I've heard about people doing that. 253 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:14,483 You just want an excuse to wet your pants. I don't need an excuse. 254 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,443 Yeah, what is this, Soviet Russia? 255 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,113 Wait, are you seriously asking? 256 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:23,075 I mean... What's the deal? Would that really work? 257 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,370 Wha... You're asking the guy with a Thermos full of human-being soup. 258 00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,497 It's... That's not even a... If... 259 00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,332 What is this, Soviet Russia? 260 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,500 Right? Oh, my God. 261 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,252 Cyril, shut up. You shut up! 262 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,170 Krieger, would that work? 263 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:36,505 Huh. 264 00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:39,550 Maybe? What do you mean "maybe"? 265 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:43,137 First, there's no giant spring at the bottom. It's a hydraulic buffer. 266 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,681 You don't wanna be in the elevator when it slams. 267 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:48,350 No. At the last second, you just jump up in the air. 268 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:51,395 How would you know when to jump? You'd give me a lecture. 269 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,564 Burn. 270 00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:54,982 Ray. She burned her. 271 00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:57,693 I know, but... Nope, shut up, because here's the thing. 272 00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:00,904 Safety brakes. That's actually what Elisha Otis invented. 273 00:13:01,072 --> 00:13:04,116 Not the elevator itself but the safety brakes to stop it. 274 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,076 Too bad they couldn't stop diphtheria. 275 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,996 So, wait, would the brakes stop us? Maybe? 276 00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,165 Define maybe. Oh, my God. Come on. 277 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:15,252 I don't know if they're damaged in the crash. Okay, but what's the worst case? 278 00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:18,213 Worst case is we die. Impaled on your boner. 279 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:20,382 I do not have an erection. 280 00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:24,303 Well, maybe not now, but, say, you get a severe head injury on impact. 281 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:25,929 Boom, priapism. 282 00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:29,266 Meanwhile, your bodies are smashing around like crash dummies... 283 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:33,187 ...until, one at a time, you are each impaled on my priapic erection. 284 00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,440 Yeah. Like meat at a Brazilian steakhouse. 285 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,943 Ugh, please don't talk about food. Yeah, I'm figuratively starving. 286 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:43,197 For meat or Cyril's priapism? Both. 287 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,282 I can't take it. I am smoking. Ray. 288 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:48,827 Ow! Get your foot off my lighter. Ray, I am serious. 289 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:52,748 Goddamn it. I will put my mouth right next to the hole and blow into it. 290 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,417 Grr! Fine, but... Wait a minute. 291 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,419 Well, then I'm peeing. Where? 292 00:13:57,587 --> 00:14:00,005 I think I can get it all back in here. You can't. 293 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,924 Wait a minute. Everybody, stop. 294 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,884 What? Two things. 295 00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:08,055 I really think we need to have a serious talk about getting phrasing back in the mix. 296 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,848 - Holy shit. - Let it go. 297 00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,434 Fine, whatever. No more phrasing. 298 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:13,936 What was thing two? 299 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,271 Oh, nothing. 300 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:19,399 - I'm just having a stroke. - No, you're not. 301 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,318 It's Milton. He came back. 302 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,363 - Yeah. - Hey. 303 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,114 Milton. Here you are. 304 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,659 What the...? 305 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:31,245 - Goddamn it, Pam. - No, no, no. 306 00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,830 - For the love of God, woman! - Oh, come on! 307 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,166 I thought the hole was bigger. 308 00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,796 I mean... 309 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,428 - Oh, it's soaking wet down here. - Oh, my God. 310 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,222 Get it before it gets on me. 311 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,391 With what? There's nothing to wipe it up with. 312 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,977 Aha! Maybe it is good for something. 313 00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:57,396 Are you crazy? That's cashmere. 314 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,147 Wha...? Oh, my God, sorry. 315 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,649 What, so it's non-absorbent? 316 00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:03,402 Lana, it's cashmere. There are rules. 317 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,445 I'm sorry, Cyril, I didn't know. 318 00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,155 - Oh, son of a bitch. - What? 319 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:08,991 - Jesus. What? - What's wrong? 320 00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,243 Guess we can go ahead and use my suit pants. 321 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,203 You can just say "pants." 322 00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:15,289 Pam wet your pants. 323 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:18,292 It's basically everywhere. If it gets on my suede boots... 324 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:20,794 Okay. Jeez. 325 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,504 - Jeez. - Oh, Lord. 326 00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,424 - Why aren't you wearing underwear? - What? 327 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,135 Shit, did Red Dawn happen and nobody told me about it? 328 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,057 There. Happy? 329 00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:35,892 No. Yes. 330 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,854 Hey, and over here too, because if it gets on these boots... 331 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:42,858 ...I will not be responsible for my actions. Right? Isn't it just so liberating? 332 00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:46,445 - Hey, what's Milton doing? - What do you...? He's making toast. 333 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,114 I wanna see. Well, too bad, I'm in the hole. 334 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,700 Stop torturing me. Stop torturing me. 335 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,368 Oh, for... Ray, take a picture of him. 336 00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:55,912 Where's my stupid phone? 337 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,498 In Soviet Russia... Pam. 338 00:15:58,666 --> 00:16:00,500 ...toaster take picture of you. 339 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,294 Doesn't even make sense. 340 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,422 - You don't make sense. - It totally does. 341 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,841 The KGB bugs your apartment, they put a camera... 342 00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:10,677 - All right. Jesus Christ. - Holy shit. 343 00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,220 - What? - I've got a signal. 344 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:14,598 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. Yes. 345 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,183 Yeah. I got, like, half a bar. 346 00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:17,726 Call 911. Call 911. 347 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,270 In Soviet Russia... Pam, stop it. 348 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,522 Yeah, seriously. 349 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,900 911 operator. What is your emergency? 350 00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:26,360 Hello? Can you hear me? 351 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,528 Hello? I can barely hear you. 352 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,572 I'm trapped in an elevator! 353 00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:33,033 I'm sorry. You said you were trapped in an elevator? 354 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,242 Wha... Yes. 355 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:37,287 Ma'am, you have no call to get snippy with me. 356 00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:39,081 Wha...? Heh-heh-heh. "Ma'am." 357 00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:43,251 And for the record, being stuck in an elevator is not an emergency. 358 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,088 - Are you fricking kidding me? - Yes, it is. 359 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:47,881 So I suggest you call your super. 360 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,091 No, no, no. 361 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:55,305 Ooh, call her back and tell her Carol's got crippling claustrophobia. 362 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,516 Wait, what? Aaah! 363 00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,559 No. Jesus. 364 00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:01,603 Goddamn it. 365 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:05,190 911 operator. What is your emergency? 366 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,858 I am stuck in an elevator... 367 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,903 Ma'am, pranking 911 is a felony. I... 368 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,738 I am blocking this number. 369 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:12,948 No, no, no. 370 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,121 "Ma'am." 371 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:21,957 Oh, my God. We need this too. 372 00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,126 We do, kind of. 373 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:29,631 911. Burn. 374 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:30,966 Ma'am. 375 00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:33,969 Plus... Plus, you're covered in piss. 376 00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:36,722 Ah! Ray. Ray, call Malory. 377 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,348 Yes. You're not gonna do that. 378 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,976 Wait, call who? Malory. I bet she's downstairs. 379 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,978 She can call an elevator repair guy. 380 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,647 Oh, yeah. Shit. Hang on. Yeah, hang on. Ray? 381 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,482 Hang on. I'm saying "hang on." 382 00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,360 Hang on. What are you, deaf? What are you, color blind? 383 00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:51,778 Whoa! 384 00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,448 Too soon. Yeah, inappropes. 385 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:58,702 She said, flapping her wildly unkempt vagina at her co-workers. 386 00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,620 Oh, please, you've all seen it. 387 00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,873 Wait... Oh, my God, we actually have. 388 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,459 And yours. What? Krieger hasn't. 389 00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,003 Well, maybe not in person, but... Uh-uh-uh! 390 00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,963 Stop talking. 391 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:13,049 Everybody, stop talking. Trying to make a phone call. 392 00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:14,885 No, no, no. 393 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,228 I'm not here. 394 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,399 Are you tired of constantly getting stuck in elevators? 395 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:34,446 Do you wish there was a way to not keep constantly getting stuck in elevators? 396 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,157 Well, friend, wish and be tired no longer. 397 00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,294 Oh, come on. 398 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,380 Typical. 399 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,184 Hmm. 400 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:17,781 What in the name of God do you people think you're doing? 401 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:18,990 Was, um...? 402 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,451 Was there not a staff meeting? Well, there was. 403 00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:26,414 I blocked out the entire morning for us all to do a team-building exercise together. 404 00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:29,042 Team building? Again? 405 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:32,254 You got the elevator stuck on purpose. 406 00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,588 Wait. What? What? 407 00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,924 What? What are you talking about? 408 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,844 Trapping us in here like... 409 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,179 Piss-covered animals. Ocelots. 410 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,932 This was the team-building exercise. 411 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:46,434 What are you...? No, it wasn't. 412 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:49,938 We were going to watch Vision Quest. 413 00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:53,066 Huh. 31894

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