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♪
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- Oh, hello.
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It used to be you
never knew exactly
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who was watching your commercial.
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But modern data mining
has changed all that.
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[computers whir]
The commercials you are about to see
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have been selected for you
based on your viewing habits,
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social media likes, and blood type.
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And because these ads are
targeted at you and only you,
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I think you'll find it impossible not
to purchase the following products.
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Based on your recent search terms
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"how to make friends,"
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"bald spot normal"
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and "funny things to look at,"
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the following ad was
tailor-made just for you.
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- When I grow up, I wanna be an astronaut.
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- When I grow up,
I wanna be a firefighter.
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- When I grow up,
I wanna work at the DMV.
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BOTH:
Whoa.
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ANNOUNCER:
Do you want the real experience
of working at the DMV?
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Sign-ups are open for DMV fantasy camp.
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Administer tests.
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[buzz]
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Take people's license photos.
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[gasps]
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[ding]
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Deal with unruly customers.
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- You're in the wrong line, sir.
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This is for processing.
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You want applications.
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- I just came from applications.
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- Just grab your dad's credit card
and call the number on the screen.
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Operators are not standing by
because they are also in line at the DMV.
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- Because of your interest in
tiny dancers and harmless dinosaurs,
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this next ad is perfect for you.
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ANNOUNCER: For eons,
the tarantula has roamed the Earth,
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impervious to our commands.
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Until now!
[whistle blows]
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[whistle blows]
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[video game noises play on TV]
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[whistling]
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- How many legs
do your friends have?
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Thanks, Tarantula Whist-- [gag]
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ANNOUNCER:
Tarantula Whistle is a registered
trademark of Arachnophilia Industries,
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which is a wholly owned
subsidiary of Diet Worms, Inc.,
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an International Illuminati Concern
dedicated
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to openly declaring that
we are gathering world power.
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- Since you searched for
"Aquaman," "Aquaman sequel,"
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and "Jason Momoa beach pics,"
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we know you'll rush
out to buy this product.
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♪
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[breathes deeply]
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[gags]
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- ♪ Two times the fishiness,
two times the fun ♪
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♪ Two types of tuna in Tuna Fresh gum! ♪
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[grunts, chewing]
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[gags]
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- It tastes like
you ate gas station sushi.
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I love it! Let's get married.
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- Our honeymoon begins!
[seagulls cawing]
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♪
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- ♪ It's the two types of
tuna in Tuna Fresh gum! ♪
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- There you have it, folks.
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Now, I don't know what you just saw,
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but I'm certain it's exactly
what you always wanted.
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[whistle blows]
- Thanks, targeted ads!
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♪
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